Wednesday, February 26, 2014


One thing that I always found interesting was the mythical notion about the power of a woman's vagina over men. This of course is a falsehood and women should be made very aware that your vagina does not possess special powers nor will it make someone stay with you.
The clear difference when men become attached to the vagina is more so the emotional attachment they have to you than the physical. Sex is sex in many instances and that is why someone can sex you and lose interest. There was not emotional bonding, nor the interest beyond your physical presence, and quite frankly, if all you offer is the physical, once that is obtained, why should someone stick around. The mission has been accomplished.
Here are some reasons why despite you thinking you have a super vagina, men may still not be into you anymore..

To start off, he probably was not into you as a person because he sexed you without knowing you, then as he started to learn who you were, he realized you didn't offer whom he wanted to build a foundation with.

The second reason is bluntly put that he just wanted sex and you obliged. Period. This is often when he probably found someone of more interest or was not looking for something out the bedroom and you hinted for more.

Maybe he isn't into you anymore because you nag too much. Cardinal sin: Nagging. One of the biggest turn offs is nagging and it doesn't get mentioned enough. Men tend to look at this as a female trait and although that is not necessarily true, this is usually what happens before he finds himself trying to hear sensible female voices elsewhere. The nagging is annoying and will lead him elsewhere.

Stop forcing him to so many functions he is not interested in. There should be a balance and a limit to how much he has to endure or you have to endure as well. If he doesn't go to Church, introduce him to it but forcing him will not get him a pass to Heaven. Find meaningful conversation about your beliefs that will show him the importance and have him open-minded about exploring a spiritual life or religious life. Don't try to force religion on anyone as this has been known to backfire and push him away. 

If you take long to shop, just say it and stop dragging him along and forcing him to feel like a third wheel even when it is only you both. Make the shopping trip an experience for you both, not just about your bags and shoes. This is something that can push a guy away.

If your family/friends gives him a hard time and doesn't like him, do not force them on him. Sometimes gradual moves are best and space works most. This discomfort can make him explore other options.

Another reason he may not be into you anymore is that he realized you aren't pulling your weight. Sometimes you are more expensive than you are proven and he feels like he is the only one shelling out cash. Had this been 100 years ago, that would be great but in this day and age, men expect an independent working woman who brings more to the plate than her vagina and being there are so many that bring much more to the plate, he has options.

One more reason he isn't into you anymore despite you having a vagina is that possibly, in your efforts to impress him, you were not being fully yourself and the real you began to surface and the real you is not what he is attracted to. Now being yourself does not mean to give too much information too soon because that too can be too much for him. He doesn't need to know how many partners you had or stories about your ex on the first couple dates, if at all. Sometimes he wants to know important events from the past but most interested in who you are today. Let time open ways to introduce bigger past moments. To save this event from ever happening, be yourself from day one. This is always best.

Ladies, you are amazing and there is someone out there for you.  Men need to work on themselves as well as you need to work on yourselves. Think about these suggestions. It will not hurt.

Saturday, March 30, 2013


Such a fitting topic to always visit and revisit at any moment as "Temptation" often enters our lives. Sadly, too many selfishly fall into its grips, never fully taking into account the feelings of others impacted.
I just saw Tyler Perry's "Temptation" last night with a good friend and I must say that the moral of the story was fitting. Now there will be a very gender biased response to the movie as I have already been receiving such in my emails, Facebook messages and so forth. 
I do not want to make this post about the opinions of the acting or story line so much as the message. 
It is important to understand that you will face new occurrences, meet new people and see new things that will all in its own way, make you think that new is better than what you have. It may be fun and flashy and often make you smile but that doesn't necessarily make it better. 
In a relationship, two major problems that can be fixed are routine and communication. The reason it doesn't is often we become set in a certain way, not intentionally but we are creatures of habit. When one person finds themselves losing an ounce of happiness, it is the parties right and duty to communicate this and come to a ground that uplifts each individual and the union as a whole.
Relationships take work and without the willingness to do so, why even enter one?
Do not let the person who makes you smile when you are down come across as the savior because piss doesn't look so bad next to shit, but it is still piss.
Temptation is new, not as a word but it is always something different, something new, something that may mislead you to think it gives life. Temptation gives you a jolt that is probably missing but you can get that jolt back in your relationship if you communicate, change routine and keep it fresh. Do not let your relationship dull to find something sharp and new only to be cut at the end. 
Think about whats most important because relationships do not go smoothly daily, they take work. Especially marriages. Of course there are reasons to move on but one must truly evaluate before one gives in. In a relationship you can NOT have the "I'm doing me" attitude or the "I need to have fun" thought process. If you feel you are young and have a lot of living to do, then do it single. You do not have the right to mislead others and because you fear loneliness, drag others through your life of deceit and heartache. 
Everyone does not have to be in a relationship right now today and that is fine, but be honest with self and others and you will find that Temptation from the wrong things will not be so hard to ignore. 

For those that saw the movie and thought that the ending was wrong, sad or extreme, I promise you that I have seen this result on many occasions. One person goes and thinks new is better only to find truth after the flash, fun and "new" becomes "old". The female contracting HIV, getting beat up and losing a great man was fitting in this movie. Sad in real life but such a hard and great lesson for those that watch it. It was nice to see the man who was faithful and loyal and although routine was his error, communication could have saved them. It was nice to see him move on and have a great family. 
Sad overall but lessons like this must seen on the screen before it becomes your life.

Monday, March 11, 2013


We all have tolerated things that we feel at times we are supposed to, we put up with abuse, we put up with being hit, cheated on, ridiculed and even neglected. We have done so in the name of "love" but I am here to say, you no longer need to put up with this.
Today it is about you. Please watch and share this video with everyone because I promise you, someone needs to see this.
We all need to accept our wrongs and be better.


Saturday, February 23, 2013


Sometimes breaking-up seems like the most torturous act that we can ever go through. It is like someone being ripped out of you life and having to be buried but yet they still exist. It is almost having to ignore their present and future when all you want to do is the complete opposite. Sometimes the break-up is necessary because some things can not be fixed and sometimes the break-up is premature because through all rough roads are tests in relationships to see if true love exists.
Everyone isn't really in love. At times they are in love with the notion of love and use the word love far more than their actions can support. That doesn't mean they are lying, they sometimes think they really love you but do not. It is tricky but even when faced with this, one must communicate. When you lose communication, you lost the relationship.
One major problem is people want long term relationships but have short term thinking. You get into a verbal argument and one person leaves or makes a long term decision and that is not how the relationship survives. Sometimes (depending on the offense) you have to give space, sometimes after the argument, the situation calms down and there is a period where communicating civilly about what hurt the other person is necessary.
We often run to people who may mean well but do not give the right advice. The people who always tell you to just end it and "you deserve better" and "he/she will regret it when you are gone" do not have a clue. These people probably only hear when you are unhappy and you do not brag to them enough when you are happy with your partner and in their bias (or sometimes hate) they try to get you immediately out of a long term relationship with short term responses.
Breaking up, separations and divorces affect people differently and often in different stages. A mourning and an anger period is fine. They should not determine your decisions. One should never file divorce when angry nor return just because one is lonely. There has to be a clear thought that this relationship could never work no matter how hard we try. If you want a relationship with no arguing or problems, have a relationship with your hand because in the real world, these things happen.
The relationships that survive the hard times often emerge to be stronger. Not every relationship is worth that effort.
Should you find your relationship is not worth the effort and you are in a break-up slump, here are some tips that I am finding helpful to try and cope with ending a long term relationship.
Accept the sadness or grief you feel over the loss of your relationship. People will tell you it's going to be alright and it will. Dealing with the pain right away and upfront can speed up your recovery and help you start new, healthy relationships in the future. Trying to avoid the pain and masks it in clubs, bars and behind drinks or other dates will harm you in the long run.
Reach out honestly to friends and family. There are still people who care about you and would love to take you out to dinner, bowling, a movie or just a stroll. Do not isolate yourself; stay active and sociable.
Do not be afraid to talk to a therapist. Divorce/long term separation/break-ups comes with a wide range of emotions and they can be difficult to manage on your own. Make sure the therapists is an expert in divorce, relationships and so forth.

Give yourself time to heal. Do not rush yourself. You must remain honest with yourself and do not run into someone else's arms for comfort. it is not fair to the other person, nor yourself.
This process can take months or even years, so do not rush yourself and freely give your emotions time to naturally work themselves out.

I am having a hard time sticking to a schedule but you must try to set a schedule and stick to it. It is easy to be sidelined by depression, so build a work, workout, eating and socializing schedule and stay on it. Emotions can be all over the place, but your life shouldn't.
Sometimes it is good to hear these things from someone going through it and/or went through it as well as studied it. I hope this can ease some of the pain it eases with me.
I am learning as I write and will continue to learn. If I feel something working, I will always share, if it doesn't I will give a warning of opinion.
If your relationship can be saved after the anger diminishes, then be adult enough to show your partner you want to save it. Pride is cute until you start losing things important.
Let me know how this works for you and please support my books. Contact me at
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More books to come.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Strength comes at times when one can least expect it.
Break-ups/divorces are incredibly hard and often they feel like a part of us is removed. It can feel like you have an empty feeling in your gut. Pain at times is inevitable but it is these moments that get us through life with a life lesson armed to make us better.
It is with great evaluation that you reflect back, not at the good times alone but at the moments that led to a relationships demise. Use these as a tool of bettering oneself. Even if you are the victim of a cheating partner, you can look back and see where you may went wrong or where things shifted into the wrong gear so to speak.
Own it, own every moment that you could have improved on and internalize it. These moments will make you better and increase your chances in your next union.
A better you makes for a better union. Take advantage of the time needed to build a better you. Do the things you always wanted to and invest in you. Do not rush into a situation without totally closing all doors of the last one. Through the pain, there will be healing. Through the tears, smiles will emerge. Through heartbreak, a stronger beat will sound through. Believe in a better tomorrow.
It is coming.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Abandoning Your Children

I think about the first day. The moment the Doctor placed my son in my arms. The tears coming down my face and the words I whispered in his ears… “I will never leave you or let anyone hurt you”.

It really does feel like yesterday, no matter how cliché that sounds.

I do not understand the males (can’t say men) that can look their child in the face, in their eyes and walk away and not return. How does one intentionally walk away?

I am not talking about those that do not get to see their children as much as they would like because of issues with the mother or family court sanctions or what have you, I am talking about the males who are selfish and pathetic enough to voluntarily walk away.

How? Why?

I was thinking that if I had done such a despicable act, I would have missed being the man whose arms were the first ones my son ever touched, whose chest my son was the first to lay on. I think about the sick nights and who was the man to nurse him back, to take him to emergency rooms, to stay up all night singing and rocking him to sleep. I think about what would happen had I removed all of that.

I think about what would happen if I wasn’t there to address the bullying issue in school which was successfully rectified and now new friendships formed. It was I who made my presence known and let my paternal love lead me. What if I wasn’t there?

I think about what would have happened when my son was diagnosed in the Autism spectrum and his mother was broken and almost gave up but I was the backbone and fought for us all. What if I wasn’t there to fight? What if I wasn’t there the time on 14th street in Manhattan when some drunken guy leaned on my son and almost pushed him into the train tracks? I was there and I made a difference.

Who would have taught my son his alphabet? Who would be his hero? Who would put him above everyone?

I remember so clearly my son telling me I was his hero. He even created a character on his Playstation 3 WWE video game called “The Dadster” and made me his favorite wrestler. Who would be “The Dadster”?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ DAD STER ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I am his protector, I am his Father, I am his male role model, I am his enforcer, I am his place of love, I am his permanent male figure that will work to make him far greater than I could ever be.

Who will show him how to live instead of just telling him? Who will guide him through the moments of confusion? Who will be there at any moment when he needs to reach out to a man for clarity?

Who would spoil him with love, with fatherly love? Who?

ME. Then, now and always.

Males, those that run away, those that disappear into the night almost vampire like, those who do not really care…. Why?

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have a dilemma; my girlfriend says I want sex all the time. I don’t see an issue with that. How can we grow if we don’t explore our sexual needs? She keeps telling me I am a sex addict and it is not helping the relationship. What’s the real definition of a sex addict and how can I make her want more sex? Thank you.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Carl”,

Let’s start by clearing the air on what a sex addict is. A sex addict is someone who has an overwhelming need for sex. We are not talking large appetite for expressing passion but a need so extreme that it interferes with work, relationships, home, friendships, etc., Many sex addicts engage is very risky behavior and up the ante of risk as time progresses. They want sex in places and situations that calm be dangerous and behaviors that follows; compulsive masturbation, countless one night stands, extra-marital affairs, anonymous sex partners, voyeurism and exhibitionisms.

Now that we got that out the way, I don’t know how extreme you are in this category and you are probably not, however, you girlfriend is expressing an issue you must not ignore. What she is really saying is that she feels like nothing more than a sex partner and doesn’t feel you are doing enough in other areas to make this work. If you really want to make this work and get her to come closer to your sexual needs, you have to do two things; the first is to make sure you fulfill her needs outside the bedroom. She clearly is crying out for you to step up in that department. Show her you are man enough to answer the call. The second is to make the sex about her, make her really want it because she is the object of worship. Now your response determines how serious you are about making this work. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am a happily married woman. I demand more sex than my husband is able to deliver. My husband is great in bed but for some reason, no matter how many times I climax, I am rarely satisfied. I am satisfied for the moment, then shortly after I could go for some more. I can imagine your readers thinking “this is a great woman to have” but the problem is that I can’t control myself. I have been unfaithful to my husband more times than I can remember or count. I don’t know the names of some of the men and many are friends of his or mine. I am afraid to lose him but it seems when sex is propositioned, I cannot refuse. I do not know how. Even when my mind says it is wrong, my body opens up. Someone suggested sex therapy and it sounds like something I need but what I need to know is what exactly is sex therapy and how will it help me?

Appreciation. From Lana. (Not my real name).

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lana”,

I don’t know that I have to go in depth about how unsafe your behavior is. You are continuously exposing yourself to danger and diseases and exposing your innocent husband to diseases as well. (If it hasn’t already entered the relationship).
One thing I always commend people on is their willingness to get help and the acknowledgement that there is a problem. You have done both and must continue to move in the direction to save your life and possibly that of your husbands.
As for sexual therapy, it is a form of relationship therapy that directly takes on sexual intimacy and sexual problems. What you have is safe to say is a sexual problem. Therapy addresses either the lack of o the excess of; it can involve your partner or just directly be on you. Let me be clear that the role of a sex therapist is not to change someone's sex drive or orientation, but to help them maximize their potential for satisfaction and happiness and there are specific programs designed to help couples and individuals work through their sex-related issues. In your case, it would be to assist in you not just acknowledging your maximum potential in making better choices but to give you the ability to be in control again. Will you have thoughts and urges? Of course but you will also have choices and options that you do not feel you control right now. Its talk therapy and it does work. Please move forward in seeking help and understand the risks you put your husband in as well as yourself. If you guys have a family, you have to think about that. The choices of partners (although cheating is wrong generally) is humiliating to your husband should he ever find out. Please seek help. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know what it is but I have the urges to masturbate pretty much all the time as much as I can. I find myself sneaking off in work bathrooms and other places I do not want to admit. The thing is I feel ashamed afterwards and that is what’s telling me that I have an issue. Here’s the kicker, I am not single and I believe that my girlfriend and I have a healthy sex life. We are active and it is good sex. It is when she is not around that I feel like I have to please myself. I don’t know if I have a question but I am wondering how far I have gone. Thx.
Harvey No last name.
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Harvey No Last Name”,
There are things that must be considered, the first being that you are masturbating at work. This reeks of problems. The lack of control at your workplace sends alarms that you do have a problem and I will tell you that it can spiral further out of control than it already has. There are positives that do say you are not lost and can be in control again. Your masturbation isn’t taking the place of or causing problems in your relationship and sex life with your girlfriend. Now I’m wondering, is the masturbation connected to you watching porn on your cell, at work, home etc., is it from fantasies you conjure up in your mind, photos or conversation? The reason I ask is that when we connect the cause we can reduce the affect. You should discuss these issues with a professional, just to get a sense of the next direct step. Often counseling in this field works wonders for many people. I don’t want to see you lose your job and this progress to harm your relationship. Seek professional sessions while it is in the stage it is in. You don’t want it to get worse. Good luck and keep me posted.