ESTABLISHING CONTACT FOR CLARITY

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am a woman who has to deal with alot. I have a three year old son and his father is serving in the military. He is a marine. I respect what hes doing but I am lonely without him. This skyping and letters and occasional contact is not fo me but I dont want to come across as insensitive. I find myself needing sex and I feel like he made a decision to be a marine so I shouldnt have to suffer. There are plenty og guys that hit on me in neighborhood who would keep it a secret and I'm thinking about it. Please help me with this decision. Im throbbing. Thank you far in advance. "Ms. in Need"

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Ms. In Need",

I understand that you feel he made some decision that left you alone but you must see the greater good of the decision he made and how there can be so much positivity from this investment of time. You feel lonely and horny and maybe you feel the only way to relieve that is to cheat on the man who risks his life to what Im sure he believes is keeping you and his three year old son safe, but the reality is you can learn to service and try to remember his sacrifice nd risk of his life to make the world of his girlfriend and son a better one. Cheating never has a valid excuse, it isnt the situation that makes you cheat, its who you are and the situation is a pathetic excuse. Weigh the relationship and how much it means to you and communicate that. Focus on greater of the relationship. To even entertain the though of sleeping with locl men (who will NOT keep it a secret) is disgusting. He deserves much more respect than that for his sacrifices and you should remember that a selfish decision can alter the life of your son and his father in you world. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My wife has some behavior that is leading me to believe she is cheating on me with her boss. First thing is that lately he has been purchasing gifts fo her. Some shipped by mail and some she comes home with. He is a married man and I dont understand why he is so invested in my wife. My wife has spent less time at home, saying she is focusing on work but she isnt making more money and she is spending more. I went on her computer and saw posted on her memory aticles pertaining to "Sleeping with my boss". This is very disturbing. She has sent him late night texts and locks the bedroom door when she is on the phone. She has puchased sexy underwear that I have yet to see her wear. Our sex is rushed and she doesnt show any interest. I know im being played and I have done all I can. Help. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Cheating appears to be the clear action and although I do not believe in assumptions, this one seems like the clear answer. I think you should confront the situation and clearly communicate you concerns and your unwillingness to have this happen. The problem is that the chances of her stopping is slim to none. People who sleep with their bosses (most of the time) do not determine the end of the sexual relationship, the boss does and as long as he has the power of being the boss, this will remain a problem. I think you may have to actually consider another plan of life that may have you both seperating and divorcing. The endless gifts from the boss and the bold disrespect to ship them to your home shows his lack and her lack of respect for you. As long as you accept this, there is no reason for it to end. If the home is in you name, you should consider legal action to have her removed from it. Take this opportunity to think about whats best for you and make decisions pulled away from emoton. I usually opt for reconcilliation and some form of mutual meeting that leads to a civil break or working things out. However, in my experience, when the level of disrespect is this high, it rarely can be reconstructed to a mutual respectful level. I am sorry that you have to face this type of behavior but you have to come to terms with yourself and after you diverse a plan to eithe make this work or make the break, you can sit her down and lay you cards on the table. You come first. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am dating a guy for about 6 weeks and lately he has not been in contact as he was the previous few weeks. Is this his way of telling me indirectly that he is losing interest? Should I pursue or should I let this fizzle out? Your opinion is valued. Thank you. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Im not one to make time the reason for stages in a relationship because I believe in individuality, however, one can make a few things of this. One is that in only 6 weeks, it is hard to make that assumption with certainty. His schedule may not be as free as it was in the very beginning or he may be thinking as you are and is slowly shying away because of the same reason you are almost willing to shy away. In a relationship that is to be successful it takes both parites to pursue. This is not high school where one wits a time period for the guy to call or whatever childishness is out there. You have to establish contact for clarity. Ask him about his honest opinion about where the direction of the relationship should or is going. Let his answer determine the position of the relationship. If he is uncertain then you have to be certain. If he wishes to go further then you have to sure where you stand. Communication will set you free. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man...
i want to breakup with my lover, cuz he dont understand me, and we fight for no reason.. is it right to leave him ? he isnt ready for it..wat am i to do ? I cant continue.. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

A situation like yous depends on the level of extremity in the lack of communication. There are times when people assume others should understand them because they share a relationship but how clear you think youre coming across and how he is receiving you can be two different things. Im not pointing blame here as there are many options to whats wrong but one thing is for sure, before you abandon ship, if you tuly want this to wok then you will have to be the communicator that epresses exactly how you feel. You have to be able to allow him to receive your message, ask for clarity and give him a mature moment to respond. If you dont want it to work then do not drag him any further into a relationship that you ae not involved in. Good luck and keep me posted.

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IS IT EVER OK TO CHEAT?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am a girl in her late 20s in a long distance relationship for almost a year. I moved to London about a year back to study and my Boyfriend of 5.5 years is still back home. I love him and we have been pretty serious about each other and plan take things to the next level (marriage) eventually. We have always been very sexually active and both of us have a pretty good sex drive. I had planned to go back home in April and see him but I couldn't for various unavoidable reasons. We regularly have cybersex and we talk a lot over phone too. And like every other couple we have fights and disagreements but nothing serious. Overall I am pretty happy with my relationship.
Around 2 months back I met this married man at a club. We were both drunk and so things got a little hot. We didn't kiss or anything but he nibbled on my neck and ear for a few minutes and I enjoyed it, until I came back to senses and pulled away. A month later I bumped into him again (which was totally bizarre) and he apologized for his previous behavior and we danced, this time pretty decently. But ever since that night I couldn't take him off my mind. I started (sexually) fantasizing about him. One day I gave in to my urges and added him on a social networking site. He and I have been chatting and flirting casually (within boundaries) as friends for a month. Recently, we both got really busy and didn't chat for 3 weeks and I was quite happy that the fascination and infatuation had finally died. But yesterday, something weird happened. We started chatting and one thing led to another and before we knew it, a stupid Truth-only game had turned into cybersex. We both were totally aroused and masturbated. He told me how he'd imagined me before and wanted to kiss me. He mentioned that he would like to have sex with me too but he would only dance, kiss and go down on me if I went out with him because those are the only things possible in a club. He says that since I have a boyfriend and he has a wife, there's no way we'd go any further than that. So that way it would be a no-strings-attached 'fun' thing. Apart from the 2 meetings we had, we've never met and haven't planned to meet again yet. We don't even have each other's phone number. None of us actually plan to leave our partners. My boyfriend knows everything except this yesterday's incident. He's been very understanding and patient about my sexual desires. The man's wife doesn't know that I exist.
My problem is that even though I know it would be morally wrong and unfair towards our partners, I am feeling so sexually-deprived that I am actually considering this 'fun' thing. I want to give into this temptation at least once. This married man is everything I want physically right now. I am not at all emotionally attached to this man and do not intend to wreck his home. This man doesn't feel guilty about deceiving his wife so it is up to me to decide whether I want to have a clandestine arrangement with him. Do you think this could work? Have you come across cases where a no-strings-attached arrangement helped people satisfy their sexual needs? What should I do? I somehow haven't been attracted to any single men who approached me in the past year. It's only this man I am so terribly attracted to. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Could this work? Works meaning have meaningless sex with someone you don’t know who is married and although you are involved, totally disregarding your boyfriend’s feelings to get sexed by some guy you met at a club? Oh, yes, that “can” work but that doesn’t mean it will. Let’s take a mature look at everything here before we walk into a situation one regrets later on. First thing, you have two innocent victims here, one being the wife, whom neither of you can guarantee will never find out about this selfish act nor you can’t guarantee she won’t be hurt. Same goes for your boyfriend, can you guarantee he will never find out? Maybe, he never finds out but this actions is rarely if ever just a onetime thing. There will always be some lame excuse for sex elsewhere as long as one keeps convincing self it’s a valid reason. Getting through it the first time is the hardest but it can become thrilling to the point that one loses the real value of a strong, loyal and loving relationship. You attempt to sex some guy you barely know removes the label loyal from your end of the relationship. People will always find someone they will be attracted to other than the person they are with but acting on it is where lines are crossed. I think you should not engage in such an act but if you choose to do so and then you will have to carefully plan this and remove all contact with this man afterwards. Delete/block him from all social media and make it clear that he is to never contact you again. Then test yourself before you engage in sexual acts with your boyfriend. Good luck with your decision. Keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been married for 10 years and have one beautiful daughter whom I adore, but my wife stopped loving me more than 7 years ago and has been romantically involved with other men for the last four years. You are probably wondering why I have accepted these affairs but I have so for the sake of my daughter's happiness and because my wife and I, despite the lack of physical affection, still enjoy stable friendship. Here’s the thing, I have met another woman. The closeness of this new friendship has only confirmed the distance that is of my marriage. My emotional life is suddenly resurging and I would welcome some advice on how I should deal with the situation. My new friend finds herself, like me, in a marriage that has failed. Although our situation is not, at least yet, sexual, we both are very close from being so. I enjoy spending time with this woman and I can’t stop thinking about her. “Trapped but found freedom”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Trapped but found freedom”,
One of the problems I have is always the one that says “I’m doing this for my child”. Ultimately one must be happy to be a better person for their child. It seems that you and your wife can have a very civil conversation about what is a good arrangement for your daughter and both of you in divorce. You child would have liked to grow up knowing both her parents are happy with life. If you are only with your wife to keep your daughter happy, I understand and am here to say, you don’t have to play husband to be a great father. Nonetheless, you are in a situation that has riled up some emotion and I think that before you engage fully, be 100% sure that this new woman isn’t temporary as the hope of your once happy marriage returns to being so. If you have absolutely zero doubts that the marriage with your wife is over other than parenting, then you need to make sure when taking the next step with this new woman that she is fully aware of your situation and you are completely honest with everyone.
My concern is that you asking me for advice on what you should do are telling me that you aren’t 100% sure you are done with your wife. Think of everyone involved and their feelings think of what you really want. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you deserve to be happy and you need to invest in that. As long as you are clear with how you feel and honest with yourself and the others directly in the situation, then go with what makes you happier. Good luck.






Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in an unhappy marriage and am dating outside of my marriage. My boyfriend is also in an unhappy marriage and we have been friends for about three years prior to our dating. The problem is that we both are bothered by the situation of returning home and having to be sexual with our married partners. What can we do to ease these feelings? Thank you in advance. “Unhappily Married”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Unhappily Married”,
Aren’t we the selfish type? I understand when sex and emotions are involved that sometimes a moment of irrationalities can occur. However, let’s be honest with ourselves here, you are cheating, the other man is cheating and instead of being honest and mature about the situation, you are concerned with him sleeping with his wife? He is concerned with you sleeping with your husband? Two disloyal cheaters and two unwilling victims and you have the audacity to be concerned about married people sleeping together? Let me tell you that there is a strain in living a secret life and it can cause more stress than joy. If you aren’t ready to move on from your husband and him from his wife, then you should consider the heartache that will be cause if this secret is uncovered. I see your determination to have this affair outside of your marriage and being that you will continue to do so, understand that at the end of it, this could have possibly brought you more harm than pleasure. As for you easing the worry and feelings in relation to you guys sleeping with your married partners, well that doesn’t come easy. The fact is, you guys are not in a committed relationship to either of your partners and must draw lines of concern where it deems fit. If you aren’t exclusive then accept the fact that he is on a nightly basis having passionate sex, doing the things he does with you, with her. Not a good feeling huh? Neither is it to know your wife is cheating on you, especially with her friend that I’m sure he trusts you with. Make the mature decision. Good luck.

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