LADIES, THIS MIGHT BE WHY HE IS NO LONGER INTO YOU.

One thing that I always found interesting was the mythical notion about the power of a woman's vagina over men. This of course is a falsehood and women should be made very aware that your vagina does not possess special powers nor will it make someone stay with you.
The clear difference when men become attached to the vagina is more so the emotional attachment they have to you than the physical. Sex is sex in many instances and that is why someone can sex you and lose interest. There was not emotional bonding, nor the interest beyond your physical presence, and quite frankly, if all you offer is the physical, once that is obtained, why should someone stick around. The mission has been accomplished.
Here are some reasons why despite you thinking you have a super vagina, men may still not be into you anymore..

To start off, he probably was not into you as a person because he sexed you without knowing you, then as he started to learn who you were, he realized you didn't offer whom he wanted to build a foundation with.

The second reason is bluntly put that he just wanted sex and you obliged. Period. This is often when he probably found someone of more interest or was not looking for something out the bedroom and you hinted for more.

Maybe he isn't into you anymore because you nag too much. Cardinal sin: Nagging. One of the biggest turn offs is nagging and it doesn't get mentioned enough. Men tend to look at this as a female trait and although that is not necessarily true, this is usually what happens before he finds himself trying to hear sensible female voices elsewhere. The nagging is annoying and will lead him elsewhere.

Stop forcing him to so many functions he is not interested in. There should be a balance and a limit to how much he has to endure or you have to endure as well. If he doesn't go to Church, introduce him to it but forcing him will not get him a pass to Heaven. Find meaningful conversation about your beliefs that will show him the importance and have him open-minded about exploring a spiritual life or religious life. Don't try to force religion on anyone as this has been known to backfire and push him away. 

If you take long to shop, just say it and stop dragging him along and forcing him to feel like a third wheel even when it is only you both. Make the shopping trip an experience for you both, not just about your bags and shoes. This is something that can push a guy away.

If your family/friends gives him a hard time and doesn't like him, do not force them on him. Sometimes gradual moves are best and space works most. This discomfort can make him explore other options.

Another reason he may not be into you anymore is that he realized you aren't pulling your weight. Sometimes you are more expensive than you are proven and he feels like he is the only one shelling out cash. Had this been 100 years ago, that would be great but in this day and age, men expect an independent working woman who brings more to the plate than her vagina and being there are so many that bring much more to the plate, he has options.

One more reason he isn't into you anymore despite you having a vagina is that possibly, in your efforts to impress him, you were not being fully yourself and the real you began to surface and the real you is not what he is attracted to. Now being yourself does not mean to give too much information too soon because that too can be too much for him. He doesn't need to know how many partners you had or stories about your ex on the first couple dates, if at all. Sometimes he wants to know important events from the past but most interested in who you are today. Let time open ways to introduce bigger past moments. To save this event from ever happening, be yourself from day one. This is always best.

Ladies, you are amazing and there is someone out there for you.  Men need to work on themselves as well as you need to work on yourselves. Think about these suggestions. It will not hurt.

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SEX: IS THERE TOO MUCH?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have a dilemma; my girlfriend says I want sex all the time. I don’t see an issue with that. How can we grow if we don’t explore our sexual needs? She keeps telling me I am a sex addict and it is not helping the relationship. What’s the real definition of a sex addict and how can I make her want more sex? Thank you.

Carl.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Carl”,

Let’s start by clearing the air on what a sex addict is. A sex addict is someone who has an overwhelming need for sex. We are not talking large appetite for expressing passion but a need so extreme that it interferes with work, relationships, home, friendships, etc., Many sex addicts engage is very risky behavior and up the ante of risk as time progresses. They want sex in places and situations that calm be dangerous and behaviors that follows; compulsive masturbation, countless one night stands, extra-marital affairs, anonymous sex partners, voyeurism and exhibitionisms.

Now that we got that out the way, I don’t know how extreme you are in this category and you are probably not, however, you girlfriend is expressing an issue you must not ignore. What she is really saying is that she feels like nothing more than a sex partner and doesn’t feel you are doing enough in other areas to make this work. If you really want to make this work and get her to come closer to your sexual needs, you have to do two things; the first is to make sure you fulfill her needs outside the bedroom. She clearly is crying out for you to step up in that department. Show her you are man enough to answer the call. The second is to make the sex about her, make her really want it because she is the object of worship. Now your response determines how serious you are about making this work. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am a happily married woman. I demand more sex than my husband is able to deliver. My husband is great in bed but for some reason, no matter how many times I climax, I am rarely satisfied. I am satisfied for the moment, then shortly after I could go for some more. I can imagine your readers thinking “this is a great woman to have” but the problem is that I can’t control myself. I have been unfaithful to my husband more times than I can remember or count. I don’t know the names of some of the men and many are friends of his or mine. I am afraid to lose him but it seems when sex is propositioned, I cannot refuse. I do not know how. Even when my mind says it is wrong, my body opens up. Someone suggested sex therapy and it sounds like something I need but what I need to know is what exactly is sex therapy and how will it help me?

Appreciation. From Lana. (Not my real name).

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lana”,

I don’t know that I have to go in depth about how unsafe your behavior is. You are continuously exposing yourself to danger and diseases and exposing your innocent husband to diseases as well. (If it hasn’t already entered the relationship).

One thing I always commend people on is their willingness to get help and the acknowledgement that there is a problem. You have done both and must continue to move in the direction to save your life and possibly that of your husbands.

As for sexual therapy, it is a form of relationship therapy that directly takes on sexual intimacy and sexual problems. What you have is safe to say is a sexual problem. Therapy addresses either the lack of o the excess of; it can involve your partner or just directly be on you. Let me be clear that the role of a sex therapist is not to change someone's sex drive or orientation, but to help them maximize their potential for satisfaction and happiness and there are specific programs designed to help couples and individuals work through their sex-related issues. In your case, it would be to assist in you not just acknowledging your maximum potential in making better choices but to give you the ability to be in control again. Will you have thoughts and urges? Of course but you will also have choices and options that you do not feel you control right now. Its talk therapy and it does work. Please move forward in seeking help and understand the risks you put your husband in as well as yourself. If you guys have a family, you have to think about that. The choices of partners (although cheating is wrong generally) is humiliating to your husband should he ever find out. Please seek help. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I don’t know what it is but I have the urges to masturbate pretty much all the time as much as I can. I find myself sneaking off in work bathrooms and other places I do not want to admit. The thing is I feel ashamed afterwards and that is what’s telling me that I have an issue. Here’s the kicker, I am not single and I believe that my girlfriend and I have a healthy sex life. We are active and it is good sex. It is when she is not around that I feel like I have to please myself. I don’t know if I have a question but I am wondering how far I have gone. Thx.

Harvey No last name.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Harvey No Last Name”,

There are things that must be considered, the first being that you are masturbating at work. This reeks of problems. The lack of control at your workplace sends alarms that you do have a problem and I will tell you that it can spiral further out of control than it already has. There are positives that do say you are not lost and can be in control again. Your masturbation isn’t taking the place of or causing problems in your relationship and sex life with your girlfriend. Now I’m wondering, is the masturbation connected to you watching porn on your cell, at work, home etc., is it from fantasies you conjure up in your mind, photos or conversation? The reason I ask is that when we connect the cause we can reduce the affect. You should discuss these issues with a professional, just to get a sense of the next direct step. Often counseling in this field works wonders for many people. I don’t want to see you lose your job and this progress to harm your relationship. Seek professional sessions while it is in the stage it is in. You don’t want it to get worse. Good luck and keep me posted.

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ON THE BRINK OF AN AFFAIR

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been married for ten years and unhappy for the last six years. My wife & I haven’t had sex in the last two years and we pretty much continue this relationship because of our two children. I find myself wanting the companionship I am missing in my marriage. I want to kiss, hold and make love to someone and my wife isn’t an option. I have a friend that I have been spending a little time wife and she is in a marriage that is not providing what we need. Spending time with her has opened my eyes to what I am missing and although it is not sexual, the tension exists and our interests in exploring something more is common. I think about her all the time and I find myself wondering if I would be having an affair and that is something I do not want to do. I want to move forward but I know I am still married, help me please. From: Anonymously Unhappy

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymously Unhappy”,

Your length of time of unhappiness is quite lengthy and I am wondering how the communication is at home. I understand the conflict within but in order for you to feel great about whichever direction you choose to go, think about a few things. The first thing is, how effective of a communicator have you been lately? Are you clear that this marriage is over and is it beyond repair? The reason you need to know is because you can not make these decisions for you wife and you should always close one door before opening another. Should there be hope of making your marriage work, are you willing to do your part? When you address these questions and if you find yourself in a situation that directs you to move forward, you need clarity on where this women will stand in your world as opposed to her marriage. Do not give up your marriage for a woman that may never exit hers. Communication is your answer and until you answered these questions clearly, do not make the decision to abandon your marriage just yet. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am on the brink of having an affair and I am in need of help because I really love my husband. I have a male friend who makes me feel more alive and more passionate about myself than I have felt in quite a while. Our friendship is relatively new, about a year and a half and I really enjoy his company. He is in a relationship of his own but our flirting grows over time. I know I probably shouldn’t be doing it but it feels good when we are flirting. It makes me realize the thing missing at home. Give me some words here because I really am ready to make a move and I know I shouldn’t. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I always have a problem with these “friends” who claim to be a friend but have ulterior motives and the person in the relationship which knows better but engages in it anyway. First thing, he is not you friend if he knows very well that you are married and is trying to have his way with you outside of the friendship. Real fiends would not do so, especially that you have not claimed you had issues at home and were open about you really loving your husband. I think that the things you realize you are claiming to be missing at home should be worked on before you venture to try to find it elsewhere. You have to try and remember that your home is where you must work on always. The love exists but does the willingness to respect this love exist? Who are you in your relationship and are you willing to lose your home relationship to be a side-piece to a friend who is obviously only friending you for a piece of sex. All too often I have seen these situations where the person actually engages and either ruins the home relationship and/or realizes they risked something great only to be revealed as a quick piece of sex. The smart choice is to work on things at home, to communicate and to make sure you don’t just respect your relationship at home but when you are not home as well. You being on the brink of an affair isn’t so much about your friend, but more so about who you are. I hope you are better than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My marriage has lost its spark, it has been on the decline for quite a while and I don’t think either of us has had the guts to admit it out loud. My wife spends more time in a separate room and no longer embraces me as I walk in from work. The little things are gone and I find myself interested in other women at work. I get hit on quite often and have always been professional but I feel lonely in my own home. I feel like I need to seek love somewhere, as my wife has not shown me any. Thank you for your time. “Steven”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Steven”,
I think before you take this cop-out of an excuse, you need to exercise all options in your marriage. Have you tried counseling? Doesn’t sound like you have. Have you decided that it would be smarter to communicate out loud as opposed to assumptions and doing something stupid? The little things that have diminished have part of your responsibility on it. The fact that you felt this occurring and have not maturely addressed this shows that you played a part in its demise. Could this be saved? Of course it can, do you really want that? You do not need to seek love anywhere but home and should this mutually come to an end, then and only then should you seek love elsewhere. You are in a vowed marriage and for better or worse, you must stand by your promise to try and make this work and exercise all options. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.

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SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS & THE RESPECT YOU DO NOT GET

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need your help like yesterday. I am married but I got caught up into a relationship at work with a supervisor and now it’s beginning to affect my relationship at home. My supervisor doesn’t want more than sex but he is somewhat reckless with his communication and my husband is beginning to catch on. How can I ease my way out of the one at work & fix my relationship at home without ruining my chances of productivity at work? Respectfully Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place”,

First thing is that in you search to slide your way out of sleeping with a supervisor, you neglect the disrespect and lack of regard to your husband. Your decision to cheat and lie has placed you in a situation with a supervisor who does not respect you as his actions show with his clear disrespect to your marriage at home as his form of communication is reckless. He does not care about whether you get caught or not because he has power over you and you are too weak to confront it. You rather risk hurting you husband who probably is supportive and loving than confront your supervisor about his blatant disrespect of your home. You are a weasel of the worst kind, however, there is a way to change this position you are in.

First thing you have to do is let your supervisor know the importance of your marriage (if that truly exists) and why the situation you have with him can no longer exists and anything outside of professionalism is on zero tolerance. If this is not something the supervisor will accept, any conversation further than that should be recorded without his knowledge. You will need to cover yourself as all too often, when the female the boss is screwing gets boring or wants to return home, it has been reported to not settle well with the power mongering boss.

Do something amazing for your husband, as a matter of fact, be amazing for you husband, more so for yourself and focus all the extra marital sex on your husband. You need to grow up and make mature decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I feel played and humiliated at work. My boss is a dog and I fell into his chauvinistic ways. Here is my story: My boss came across as a charming man, someone respectful and always complimenting me. I really thought he was different and after a month of relations it seems like he is doing the same exact thing he did with me to the new girl and I am beyond livid. I can already sense how others are looking at me and I am humiliated. I want to confront him, no, I want to rip his head off and key his car but I can’t afford to lose my job. Please help me. Thank you, “Used”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Used”,

There is not much that can be done other than embrace the fact that he played you so now focus on moving forward. It’s not easy and I understand how humiliated you feel but ultimately you have to work in that environment and you need to do what you must to further educate yourself to qualify for a higher position and be the example for change. You can use your experience to help others; you can take what you have learned and move forward. Unfortunately this is too common at the workplace and something that will not just simply stop as the power given with title is abused in many ways. You will have to learn to protect yourself from further advances from males at the workplace as once it is known, usually others hone in to try and take advantage of what can be labeled the “easy girl”. You need to focus on why you were hired and what it is you have to do at work. Don’t try to be anything other than a hard worker.

It is known that 17% of women have slept with their bosses and only about 30% felt any type of benefit. Most of the time it is the boss using the position as a degrading means to sex whomever they feel will fall for it. You need to focus more on the best you and do not allow this dirtbag to determine your worth. Do not run from the topic and do not give him any other attention outside of the professionalism to co-exist. Other than that, never lose sight that he is a scum bag who is not in the department of change. You need to focus on being in that department. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am the President of a particular company and I find myself fantasizing about the secretary. I do not wish to be labeled as one of those with power who use this power to sleep around. I am a respectable man whom has taken strong pride in working my way up by sweat and lack of sleep. I am influenced to remain shy of engaging with those lower on the hierarchy of the work ladder by my peers. I am not one that has been known to become easily swayed by others but I can see how this looks. Is there anyway to approach this without being labeled and without causing a stir? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

No, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and anyone who thinks otherwise is so far removed from reality, you should give them crayons to dram their next steps in life. The truth is that the labels are there, a secretary sleeping with the boss is never equal and never respectable. As long as one person possesses power over the other whether status or genuine power, there is no equality, which is why Doctors or Lawyers should never sleep with their patients/clients. One person has entered the relationship with more power over the other and this will forever remain as such. I don’t know what type of relationship you are seeking but do not mislead yourself or her. Should you choose to pursue this, do so for reasons genuine to self and never lose sight of who you are. Remain the President of the company that sweated profusely and slept little to hold a position to make a difference. Do not allow a situation like a work fling to destroy that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

MR. LOVER MAN ADDS:

Sleeping with the boss is something that has been age old. Far less has truly benefitted and often those that have, in some form or fashion has been labeled accordingly (ex: Monica Lewinsky). The best way to succeed is to earn it and never compromise who you are for a short cut that could end by keeping you labeled and forcing higher ups to never respect you enough to give you a chance for growth at work. Be the best you at all times because your work fling is not a secret, men at work talk more than women at work and that’s often because men at work feel they can. More men are at power and hold status in this world than women and that’s by a huge margin. 60& of men and 70% of women lose respect for you in that situation. Much blessings to all and earn yours off your back. Much respect.

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PROBLEMS: SEX, MONEY & ALCOHOL

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend and I have been having ups and downs but I don’t think our problems should lead to cheating. She cheated on me saying I don’t spend enough time with her and I’m always tired, so I don’t have sex with her as much as she would like. What she doesn’t understand is that I am the only one working and I work extra shifts to take care of the household. She is saying she has needs and all this other nonsense that I really don’t want to hear. Should I walk away from this girl? Can people recover from cheating or should I just leave? I don’t deserve this, not the way I am working. I got my degree, I got my things together, I work hard, I drive and I don’t have problems with anyone. I love her but I keep getting from my boys to just bounce on her and not return. They say she needs me because she is unemployed and I should kick her out but I do love her. I am stuck, help me. Thank you Mr. Lover Man, “Confused Good Man”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Confused Good Man”,
Initially when someone finds out their partner is cheating, there comes this devastation within that just doesn’t seem to end. However, infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship. In order for infidelities to cease all parties have to analyze their positions in this and this does not take away the irresponsible disgusting nature of her actions but all parties must do some fixing. In your particular case she definitely did NOT take into account how hard you work or care enough about how you felt. She does NOT have a legitimate excuse to cheat as none exists but her excuse is one of the weaker ones. You have made your case for a man who is a good catch but you need to solidify that by putting your self-value forward and either kick her out or make things work. Either way you need to be more than the roof over her head. Maybe she should get a job and see how much more tired she would be and how much more she would appreciate what it is you do. However, I don’t know that she would do so for this relationship because the type of person that usually cheats for such a lame excuse is the type that continuously cheats. In my opinion I think you should weigh out the good and bad of today and make the decision based on that. I always say that when the costs outweigh the rewards, it’s time to abandon that old investment and make a new investment. Good luck and keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a good looking woman and I really am not trying to come off conceited or arrogant but I am a very attractive woman. The reason I say that is because I cannot figure out why is it that the two or three times my boyfriend and I have sex in a week, he has had to have a drink. Is it something I am doing wrong? What is it with guys with sex and alcohol? Please shed some light on this situation. Thank you, “Sober Lady Needs Sober Loving”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Sober Lady Needs Sober Loving”,
There could be a few reasons why this is taking place and before I enter into that, I want to explain a little about the correlation and misconceptions of alcohol and sex. For many years they have been almost synonymous in action in many cases. There is a short term affect with alcohol and sex that is almost a “dis”-inhibiting effect if you will. This allows the person to somewhat loosen up and feel more comfortable about sex. Of course this isn’t taking drunks into account, but I’m talking about in smaller amounts. There is also a loosening in conversation within sexual communication. There even has been studies that showed that people who taken certain drinks and was told there was a small amount of alcohol in it (Even though there were none) were more sexual than normal. This leads back to the reason why your boyfriend feels the need to get his drink on before engaging sexually. Maybe your beauty intimidates him or his sober performance pales in his mind to his performance with a little alcohol in his system. Whatever the case is, this can come to an end with little drama. First thing is that you have to talk to him effectively. Express your concern for you and him as a unit with him drinking. Find out if he has additional stressors he isn’t discussing that may lead to his drinking. Remind him of your support to him as a couple. Reassure him that the alcohol is not needed in any case when he is with you and you prefer him sober and then show him why you prefer him sober. Catch him by surprise and make it amazing. Remind him of how great it can be sober and then afterwards sweetly reiterate your position. The long term effects are horrible but in this case we don’t want to use that to try and scare him, that won’t work. Great communication is the key. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a relationship. My boyfriend works hard but he doesn’t make much money and it gets frustrating for me because I feel like we should have more. He is a faithful good man but I wish he would get a better job. Right now there is this guy who wants to do the world for me and wants to buy me things I want and it gets more tempting as the days go by. I like gifts and things but I don’t know what to do. I know my man is good but I feel like I should have more. This other guy has money and I know he will be able to buy the things I want. What should I do? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I am almost tempted to call you a gold-digger in my best Kanye West impersonation but I’ll pass. Someone once said there is never enough money, with that being said, when you are showered with gifts, what happens next? You want cars and property? How about you get a job and earn these things yourself? Or is that degrading for you? You have a hard working man and for whatever reason that isn’t good enough for you and that’s ok, you are entitled to wanting more but you should take part in being more yourself before you talk about other people’s short comings. At least he is employed in the recession while you are seeking free gifts. You really need to evaluate the bigger picture, this man’s work ethic just may be rewarded with bigger things than even your gift wishing ways can fathom. You can sit him down and talk about the direction of the relationship honestly and on top of that add in your discontent with his work position but only do so if you have a solution that allows you to be of financial assistance and not just sideline gift wishing. Be a part of the solution and not run to another problem. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My boyfriend spends more time on his PS3 than he does on me and I am tired of it. I am two seconds from throwing it out the window and giving him a piece of my mind. What’s wrong with him? I want more sex but he is always having his fingers on the wrong buttons. He needs to grow up and look at this here and do something before I find someone who will. What should I do to get him to give me more attention? Advanced Thanks, “I’m More Than A Game”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I’m More Than A Game”,
This unfortunately happens more than I would like to admit. Neglect is one of the leading causes of a failed relationship but can easily be thwarted with strong communication and a better plan of timing in your relationship. You have to express to him the neglect you feel and how much you miss the attention you once received from him. Express why you miss it and what it would mean to you to have it back. Do not put an either the game or me in his face because this conversation isn’t about challenging, it’s about repairing. He can have game time but it should never outweigh your time. Work out time where he can have game time but where it doesn’t affect the time you deserve. This isn’t something that should destroy your relationship if communicated well and honestly. Good luck and keep me posted.

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SEX: HIGH DRIVE, LOW RIDE

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My sexual appetite is much higher than my boyfriends. What is it that I could do to increase his to match mine? I thought guys were supposed to be sexual all the time. Is it me or is it him? Thank you. “Horny Little Lady”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Horny Little Lady”,
The thing about sex drive is that there is most likely a reason for this and I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t like sex. Try to find out why is it low without mocking the situation. Don’t compare sex drives and do not make assumptions. Try to find out if he has stressors that are presently triggering unhappy feelings or worrisome thoughts. Work, money or medical issues lead reasons men tend to lose drive. Dieting helps too. Sometimes what one eats invades the drive and diminishes it, work through this with him. Change of diet, adding more fruits and vegetables, cutting down fried foods or fatty foods in general will help. Set more romantic settings at home or go out more. There is so much that can be done about this. The only way to get to that is to make sure you find out what, if any, is stressing him out. Another overlooked issue men have is when a woman is too demanding outside of the bed. Psychologically this alters his mood in the bed and often steers him away. How one treats their partner outside the bed can determine the bedroom activities. The only way to get a clear understanding on what’s going on is to care enough to communicate honestly and effectively. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Hi, I’m 16 always thinking about sex. Me and my boyfriend are trying to get it as much as we can. We even sneak breaks in school to do it. Is this bad because I’m so young? We use protection, but I’m wondering if this is something I need to look at because none of my friends are freaky like me. Is this normal? Should I try to stop a little bit? Thank you for answering. Young but Ready


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Young but Ready”
Normal is a word that isn’t really cut and dry. I will say that at 16, urges are natural. However, the level of which you act upon it is a little bit disturbing. I think that when it interferes with your education, you may need to consider this sexual relationship. I hope and wish that you are as involved with your future goals and education as you are with sex. Thinking about sex and wanting it doesn’t mean you have to have it all the time. Assess whether other aspects of your life is being compromised due to these sexual acts. If at any point your education is slipping, if your responsibilities are being shelved, if at any point your other relationships in life are being compromised than you should think twice and try to engage in other activities. One of the worst decisions one can make is thinking that they always have time to better their life. Take advantage of opportunities to solidify a greater future for yourself. Sex will be there, learn more about life. I can’t tell you to or not to have sex, that’s a decision you have made and are making, but I can suggest that you make smarter choices. Often we think the future is a guarantee. Make today count in other aspects of life. Begin to have conversations outside of sex and discuss the future. See if he has ambition, goals and a passion for life outside of sex. His presence can be of influence, try to alter his presence to push you towards greatness. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My girlfriend and I have a sexual issue. She is the making love type and I am the wild for night guy. There is a sexual struggle as one tries to take control and do what they like. How can we make this work? I want it more than she does how can I get her to step it up? Much obliged. The Wolf.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “The Wolf”,
So many times people do not realize how much more they can accomplish with compromise than to try to compete. Your case is a perfect example of that. Instead of the constant struggle of which direction this sex act will go, how about attempting to incorporate both. Learn to make love that can later transform into wild passionate sex. Maybe the reason her drive isn’t where you wish could very well be because of your lack of willingness to either compromise or make love to her. Have you thought that maybe the way you make love does something for her that your hard wild sex doesn’t? That could be quite flattering as stereotypically men tend to be better at wild sex than making love. Communicate with her expressing what it is about the wild sex that does it for you and allow her every opportunity to express what it is about making love that drives her insane. This isn’t only about you nor is it only about her. The competition will run dry as frustration looms and could lead to other problems. Be willing to be giving and you will see better results. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m tired of the excuses my husband gives me. He is such a worry wart and all he focuses on is bills, money, bills and money. I am neglected sexually and with my dive this is long past frustration. He works too many hours and is tired. I’m thinking I’m going to need a job to have sex. He works, I don’t but now I’m thinking maybe I should get a job, and then I’ll be sexually active again. This is frustration at its highest. My friends suggest that I find a boy toy but I am not trying to go that route. How can I get sex more than once a week? Thank you, from “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Your selfishness just might be a turn off. How about you consider your words and get a job to relieve your husband of some of those bills he is worrying about? I can’t believe that you as the unemployed partner have the audacity to complain about his money woes and his high concerns of bills. These are common stressors that affect sex life and a great way to prevent that is to actually alleviate the stress by financially helping out. I can imagine your frustration but I think you should consider what he is going through as the only financial provider. Your admission of his working too many hours is a clear sign that there could be more financial help. Marriage is unison, something you should consider when wanting more bedroom action. Talk through it with him. Be supportive; allow him to express his concern without any whining. As for your friends making the idiotic suggestion of cheating, that goes to show you what idiots you have for friends that they would actually have you risk your marriage. I definitely do NOT need friends like that. Sex solely should not determine the direction of a marriage but I do understand its importance. In order for you to get it more than once a week, you are going to have to openly communicate with him and consider relieving him of his financial situation. Good luck and please keep me posted.

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WHEN SEX ISNT SEXY

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I always read your postings and I feel like you are the only one that can help me with this. Here it is, my girlfriend was nagging me that she wanted a threesome with me her and another guy. After months, I gave in and decided that I loved her enough to make her happy and give her that fantasy of hers. The problem is that now I feel slightly disgusted with her. I see this over and over how easily she was sexing this guy and how she did everything we do and how she just submitted to him. I don’t feel sexually attracted the same and I do love her but I’m not sexually attracted anymore. What should I do? Thanks ahead of time “Love with no loving”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love with no loving”,
I wonder if you thought this out clearly before you engaged in this threesome. If this was her sexual fantasy, did you think she wasn’t going to be sexual? I’m sorry to hear that you feel the way you do but many times we don’t think clearly about the things we agree to. You did your girlfriend a gift in making this threesome possible, there is something good in knowing you did that but the concern is the direction of the relationship. With your lack of sexual participation or attraction, this relationship will slowly decline. Does she know how you feel? You must address this issue. You have to be clear and not demeaning. Remember that you also engaged in this act. After expression, I think you should consider professional relationship counseling because sometimes just expressing yourself won’t be so “healing” immediately. You do love her and don’t lose focus on that, do not allow one act to mask the love. Express that this could not happen again because of how you feel, also inject your fantasy. Make this about you both. Do not abandon love for jealousy or uncomfort. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My relationship has gone from juicy wet to desert dry. I’m not a nag because I know we both work different hours. But we have sex maybe once every week and it’s so quick and not passionate at all. I’m feeling like a quickie and I need more. What can I do about this? We both sleep at different times and when he is off, I’m working and vice versa. We need the money but I need the honey. Talk to me Mr. Lover Man. Thank you “Honey Needed”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Honey Needed”,
Time management is key in this situation. You guys are going to have to sacrifice long sleeps for shorter naps one day a week and in-between that time you can truly tire each other out. There is always time for each other; you just have to alter the comfort schedule. The football games, the night shows, whatever it is that you do in free time has to be sacrificed in order for you both to feel the passion resurfaced. Grab him as he walks in from work. You know what time he gets in, make sure you are up and ready, pin him to the wall and service his body. Kiss him over, touch him how he once loved it. Bring him to life and resurface that passion and make that desert a lake. During intercourse express your approval, tell him how much you miss and need this. Express how much you love to please him, take over and then submit, rock his world and then give him the energy to rock yours. Slowly but surely this will come back if you truly want it. You guys sacrifice for money, now sacrifice for that honey. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
This took me about two weeks to send you this. I am embarrassed about this but I need to get your advice. I have been having problems maintaining an erection. I don’t know what it is. My mind wants sex but my penis isn’t responding. I’m about to get some Viagra off the market, what do you think about that? I have a very understanding wife and she really tries to do anything to help. I please her other ways but I’m not ignorant, we discuss what’s missing. How can I get it back or should I get Viagra? Thank you from “Once Upon A Time”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Once Upon A Time”,
I do want to commend your wife for her loving patience and you must honor her always. However, I don’t doubt your devotion to her. In this society it does take a lot to converse about this let alone admit this is a problem. I’m glad that you did come forward and mention it. It’s the first step to fixing this problem. You should know that one in ten men have erectile dysfunction. 30 million men right now have that issue. You are not alone. Often men camouflage it or refuse to discuss it and kind of just hope it goes away. This adds stress and depression which is reported to be some causes of it initially. There are ways to try and fix this naturally without Viagra. Discuss this plan with your wife; give yourself about 3 weeks of a new diet and exercise. You must maintain a healthy weight. Being overweight, not even being obese, but being overweight can cause it. Neurological damages, arterial damages, and other medical issues can lead to it. Cut out fried foods, inject more fruits and vegetables. A Mediterranean diet is scientifically linked to lessen erectile dysfunction. If you are a smoker, quit today. Yes QUIT! Smokers have a higher chance of erectile dysfunction. Drinking alcohol can add to it. Either drink in slight moderation or cancel it in total. This is your investment for a greater sex life. Not to mention the mental boost you need to tackle your sex life. Follow a healthy diet and join a gym, make it your business to understand that better living health wise will give you the sex drive you either once had or something out of this world that you never had. Remain focused on the goal. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have this concern and I don’t know if I’m over reacting but my boyfriend spends too much time online on porn sites or phone sex texting. I always try to tell him how uncomfortable this makes me feel, is this cheating? He says it isn’t but I don’t get why he has to turn to those things. He says it keeps him creative and gives him ideas for us but I don’t feel like any thing has changed. I’m not getting any benefits. Can you tell me if this is healthy that he does this? And can you say if it is cheating. Thank you.. Not Sure


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Not Sure”,
There are two things going on here, the watching porn can be an issue. However, here are some things to consider, studies show that roughly 15% of about 60 million Americans who log on every day enter a porn site. In psychological studies the problem seems to arise when the individual spends at least 11 hours a week. There becomes a need for this cyber sex or porn sites to inject arousal in ones relationship and that’s not good. Porn can be used to assist or have fun with but when it becomes an addiction, distress follows. The need grows and it can take from his desire of you. This should be addressed in a concerned manner. Express how this makes you feel. Do not approach it in an accusatory manner but in concern. As for whether or not phone text sex and cyber sex is cheating, that’s up to you guys. Some relationships agree to not allow it. I know some that has and they have not issues with it. I think there is something wrong with it and it would be good if he was sex texting you but another person? That concerns me. In your case you are expressing to me a clear case of concern and this is what should be addressed. Do not accept it if you do not like it. One must consider both feelings and you need to feel comfortable in yours and your partner’s sexual world. Right now this isn’t happening and unless addressed accordingly, problems will continue to grow. Take time to relearn each others sexual desires. Take time to dig deep and try to learn something new about self and your partner. Overall you must put your foot down, if you can come to a common ground that’s healthy then that’s ok. If you can’t, then you must make serious decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

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NO SEX IN THIS CITY??.. HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How can one increase the sexual activity in a relationship that seems to have reduced in the course of time? Between working long shifts and my husband working shifts, its either we are too tired or finding ourselves in position to cover everything else to maintain the home. What can I do to spark the relationship exually again? This is a 12 year relationship with the last 2 years dull in the sack if in the sack at all. Thank you much. “I Want That Old Thing Back”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I Want That Old Thing Back”,
This seems to be more common than anyone wants and there are ways to conquer without abandoning the relationship. Communicate these issues, don’t nag them, don’t make a complaint into a denate, speak about concerns and try to implement solutions, like maybe you guys may want to consider making a special “sex day” where you post it on the refrigerator, it can heighten sexual pleasure as these days get closer. Also never be afraid to stop him in the middle of his tracks for a quickie, bring that explosiveness back. The best quickies are before work, not even coffee can start your day better. Do things you once did in your earlier stages of dating, leave little notes of love and appreciation. Buy fancy underwear and pop up out of nowehere while he is on the couch (not during the super bowl ha ha) and just straddle him. Do not allow him time to talk, learn him again and make him remember whats missing. Make a date to go out and do things that are not sex related, feel his passion and love again, talk, renew your vows unofficially. There are so many ways to revive what seems to be a sexually frustrated relationship. We seem to feel time is aginst us, but we can always squeeze time in if it means that much to us. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know what im doing wrong but my girl told me she gets turned on by fingering her, so I try to do that and im thinking im doing something wrong because she doesn’t seem too thrilled by it. Maybe im doing something wrong. What do you suggest because I really want to please her, she is the love of my life and she is my only partner, I am 21 and she is 25 and we have been together 9 months and I really want to make her happy. Is there like a special fingering move I can learn? Thanks from “Handy Man”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Handy Man,
Well, first thing, I commend you for your willingness to be unselfish and wanting to please your partner the best way possible. Before I give any form of advice or any description on how to position your fingers, make sure you always communicate when in doubt (or not in doubt). Ask her how she feels, communicate before hand and tell her you want to learn to please her and need her guidance until you perfect it. It is her body, it is the woman you confess your love to, so why not speak about it? Communication is the most vital part of any relationship. Now try this here, inserting your index finger and your middle finger slowly, making sure she is either self lubricated or assisted you want to have those two fingers belly up. You want to make sure the middle finger finger reaches as far as you can alsmost to the belly button where you will feel what is now being considered the “A-Spot”, this is a zone of pleasure, at the same time your index finger will be bent slightly so not to reach as far as the middle, where you will be at the “G-Spot” while having your thumb right outside in a thumbs upposition playing with the clitoris. This not only touched 3 vital points of pleasure but will definitely enhance whatevers next to come. Don’t be savage about it, allow her to dictate the amount of pressure and speed required for her pleasure and you will become the king of the golden hand. Good luck with everything.



Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I convince my boyfriend to let me tie him up or handcuff him to the bed. This is really something that I get my most sexual pleasure from but my man is really not trying to budge. I mean we been together for 3 years, he should trust me, I would let him do it, what should I do to get him to pleasure me by letting me do this? Thanks a million, “Lisa”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lisa”,
This can be a hard sell, but before you try to become sales person of the year, take a few things in consideration, have you communicated about his level of trust, maybe he has been traumatized at some point and he hasn’t been able to discuss this and that’s why being unable to have the ability to roam free at will may not be the turn on it is for you. Is it impossible to get him to try it? Of course not. Will this guarantee he will try it? Of course not. However, it will open up some areas of much needed communication that has been lacking in your world. You assume he should trust you, and maybe he does but does he trust the situation? Ask him. You say you would let him do it, but have you offered it? You should, you should introduce videos of the same nature while expressing what it is that turns you on and how your being turned on will benefit his sexual pleasure. You seem to have just wanted it done but you need effective communication, try thoat and you may just have your wish. Don’t forget to have a spare key for those handcuffs. Good luck with everything.




Dear Mr. lover Man,
Why does it seem that all the sexual fun is in the begginning then it gets boring? I have been with 4 different men in my life and cant be sexually satisfied with them past two years. What can happen to keep me interested longer than two years? I really find the same few positions boring and although those are my faorites, it isnt like he is going to change his width, size or strength in his stroke. It gets boring and I need someone new but I really love this guy and don’t want to keep sleeping around. What is the best thing to do? “Two years is not enough”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS Dear :”Two years is not enough”
Unfortunately, in many relationships the participants allow the fire to dim. You play a role as well, it isnt about your partners ability to grow in ways that are not possible, or for him to gain a super human pump strength to fit your new found needs overnight, it is about your willingness to communicate and want it to enhance so much that you invest in communication and you become willing to also try new things outside of the few positions deemed your favorite. Make it spicier, be more spontaneous, talk more, grab him out of no where, pin him to the wall, service him, have him return it. Be willing to watch movies and be educated together on the willingness to invite new sexual positions, toys, foods, etc into your relationship. Be more than those constant two years you deliver/receive. Men and women both are not as sexually educated as they wish, many arent fully aware of their bodies sexual potential or the full potential the body feels in pleasure. Sex can and often does heighten the chemistry and is healthy for the relationship. Be more than sex with your partner, but when you are sex, be fun, new, spontaneous and amaze him. This will infect him with the equal willingness to do so in return.

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SEX, LOVE & HAPPINESS

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been seeing this guy for 2 weeks and I really like him, I want to have sex with him and I know he wants to, I think he wanted to the moment he saw me but doesn’t all guys act like that? I don’t know what he is after and that’s why I haven’t gave it up yet but I don’t want to lose him if I don’t give it up. He says he really likes me and that he likes spending time with me but when he tries to go the extra step and I pull back I feel like he gets angry. Is that something all guys do because I know guys are into sex like that. What should I do? Thanks, Confused

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
You don’t have a dilemma that says whether you should or shouldn’t have sex with this guy but your real dilemma is how much self love do you have. You state doubt about this mans interests and his objective yet you lamely attempt to justify it by throwing him in an umbrella of what men are like. For the record, you are no man expert and are wrong to even think all men are the same way. You need to assess this as an individual situation, communicate and look at the signs you claim he has made as possible evidence for his motive. One can have sexual frustration but in a mere two weeks to show this frustration leads me to believe that he is definitely out for one thing. Give yourself time to ask yourself about the direction of this mere two week relationship and then convey this information with him to see where he stands. Pick up signs of disinterest, frustration or manipulation in this conversation. That will lead you to a smart decision. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I make my boyfriend more aggressive in bed? He is good and I love him but I’m really into more aggression. I like to have my hair pulled, I like to be spanked, I like to be submissive and told what to do. I try to introduce it to him by being aggressive with him so he can return it but he becomes submissive and that turns me off. What can I do?
From Sex Kitten


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sex Kitten,
First and foremost, I’m a big advocate of communication. I feel without it, nothing will be resolved and your situation is no different. You are showing him aggression with the expectation of him matching it, but maybe he read that sign wrong and assumed you wanted to be the aggressor and gave you that role. You have unwarranted expectations and should not fault him because your job is to always convey what it is that you want, need or like. This is not the most difficult tasks at hand. Just speak freely and express that you would like to reverse roles and see how aggressive he can get and that the mere thought of it turns you on. Explain to him your limits and how important it is that he does not cross them. Be receptive to his feelings as well and meet on common ground that you both can learn to love these acts together. Set the stage so to speak and walk him through verbally what turns you on, then begin the role. Hope this works out for you both.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I think I am in love but I don’t know, I have been with my boyfriend for a few months but I don’t know how I feel. I only loved one man before him and I don’t know how love is supposed to feel. Ok, let me explain, I know that I want him in my life always, I know that the thought of him not being in it hurts, I know that when we have disagreements I cry because I’m so hurt and hurt that he is hurt. He tells me he loves me and I feel like it is true. I feel like I’m so special with him. He goes all out to make me feel like I am the only woman in his eye. The problem is shouldn’t I feel exactly the same? Do I feel the same? I don’t even know. He says he isn’t expecting me to have the same feelings but I feel like it isn’t fair. Should I say it and then ill know if I feel it? Help me please. Thank you, Jackie


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Jackie,
I think that he should be commended for his maturity with his feelings of a selfless love and having no expectation of you matching his love. You are adding pressure where it is not warranted., He isn’t pressuring you for an answer or for you to find a definitive concrete definition for your feelings and in reality that’s a blessing. Take your time assessing your feelings. To me it sounds as love exists but never try to get a certain definition for the level of love. Love takes on many faces, many levels and has many places, don’t worry yourself to death over this and just show your appreciation. Don’t hold back anything you wish to say as long as it is honest. Do not say something hoping it comes into fruition because that’s lying and will ultimately bite you in the ass in the future. We all feel our own way about a situation and never can feel the exact same way at the same exact time. Those that profess to do so are usually lying. Feel free to take your time, he has given that blessing of time for you to go at your own pace. Good Luck with everything.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a happy man. I don’t know why I am scared though. I have been in situations that start out happy and usually end in my lady cheating or something bad happening. Now I am with a good woman and I cant help but wait for her to someone do what the others have done to me. I like this happiness, it really is something I dreamt of and I do everything I have to do to make her happy. Why cant I get it out of my head that she is going to do the same as everyone else?
Sincerely John Doe (not real name)


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear John Doe,
You are going to set yourself up to fail in this relationship if you do not learn to detach from your past. Each person is an individual and you are showing signs that you still need to heal. Most everyone has endured some form of heartache but the ones that move forward into healthy relationships are the ones that know that the one they are with is NOT the one they were with. Love who she is, admire what she shows you and reciprocate to the best you can. If you look for something long enough, you will find it, even though it doesn’t exists. You need to appreciate who she is and what she does and separate anyone before her from her. They should not have that much power in your present relationship. You owe your present girl much more than this. You owe it to yourself. Counter weaker thoughts with pleasant thoughts, every time you associate the past with expectations of negativity, immediately remind yourself of how wonderful this one is. Counter the weak with love. Never empower the evil and live to love. Good luck and please keep me posted.

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GETTING A LITTLE MORE

Dear Mr. lover man,

I am a married young women in my late 20's who just recently ( as recent as January) decided to separate from my current marriage...
In late October i met someone who we just communicated via email/im's etc... Online stuff, (we met online) as the months progress so did our friendship, we grew closer, as close as us both falling in love with each other ....he's is the same situation with a slight difference .. married but NOT separated...
Of course we see each other, but that's very limited (as to our situation) and that's really starting to bother me, i'm feeling needy, wanting more, desiring his company at all times... missing him terribly, but then i engage some negative thoughts as to "does he miss me as much as i do" I’m always doubting and seeking re-assurance of his love.....i don't know what to think anymore.....I wondering, should i just let him go??forbiddenLove......


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Forbidden Love,
For the record, you are just the other woman. Your situation is not the same as you are more emotionally available being that you are separated. He is not and wont be as long as he can make love to his wife and fuck you at will. You have absolutely no right to want more because you are just the side piece. You say you both are in love but maybe you are misleading yourself, maybe you are way more emotionally attached than him and he is having his cake and eating it too. You need to heal within and re-evaluate what you believe your self worth to be. You need to find your soul and increase self love and learn to convey that to a single healthy relationship. Maybe even see counseling. I wish you the best always, please keep me posted. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Tips on to improve your relationship and sex life with your partner…
So many times in a relationship partners tend to lose communication as so many factors dull the situation, such as bills, kids driving you crazy, new found responsibilities that didn’t exist as a couple in the early stages. Communication can diminish and this can lead to destruction of what could remain beautiful. Regain focus, take a moment and ask yourself how much worth is this relationship and do you really want to save it. Ask yourself why do you want to save it and when you safely answered those questions, try new methods of communication.
Be less demanding, stop reminding one of chores in a annoying fashion, show concern in your words, don’t forget the friendship, laugh together, and remember that respect is warranted in a relationship.

Do things together, go out and be creative within your financial means and show affection. Show appreciation to your partner, no matter the gender, everyone wants to be appreciated. Never be too busy for your relationship. I don’t care what your work hours are, if you really love this person and want this relationship to work then you will. If you are letting it slowly die without a care for love, and you are just complacent then let it go.


Sexual improvements are not hard either, once again we must use communication. So many people allow frustration to set in, yet they haven’t even communicated efficiently with their partners about their sexual drives. Never make the assumption your partner is the gift in bed and talk before, during if need be and after. Make sure you both are set on pleasing one another and both are attentive to each others needs.


Don’t be afraid to take turns with total domination of pleasing the other. One can service the other in total, leaving the other one at the pleasurable mercy in exploration of fulfilling the communicative actions expressed in earlier conversation. Try new places, and I don’t mean the bathroom and kitchen, you should have already tried that. Take a trip, be spontaneous, do not ever take the relationship for granted. Do not ever assume because this is significant other that they will just always be there and you can always postpone the sex. Take charge and make it sexy again, take control and elaborate your love physically and show how much they mean to you with total worship of their body. Insert your fantasies and inquire about your partners and make them real. Work through all short comings or unpleasurable acts with communication, express your stance and why you will or will not do something. Choose caring words always. Learn to touch your partner all over without intercourse. Appreciate their bodies for its beauty and not just for sexual thrashing. Rebuild your sex life with what works and create something amazing around that. Add, subtract, do all you can and you will be high that you will be looking down on cloud nine.

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TROUBLE IN PARADISE

Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Have you addressed the cougar issue yet? (I'm 40 in. My boyfriend is 25, 26 in May) It was just a fling (booty call, whatever) from April 09 - Nov 09, then in December, things started to change....
I'm divorced. I tried to discourage this dude, (we broke it off several times in between) I didn't want a fling but he was irresistible and amazing in bed. I'm sooooo attracted to him, but I don't want to steal his youth. I don't want anymore kids (I have 3) I don't want to get married again, at least that's how I feel right now. But he kept coming back......
I'm so insecure about my body. I didn't snap back after the kids and gained weight. My belly is a monstrosity (I'm not exaggerating) He says I'm worrying about the wrong things...but he has the perfect body and youth on his side...
I'm trying to just relax, go with the flow and enjoy my life, with him. But I'm an Aquarian and I love hard. My feelings are INTENSE...
Btw, did I say that he's now living with me?
I don't really have a question, other than why a young guy would want to be with an older woman, body not so banging, 3 kids etc rather than be with a girl his own age, perfect body, etc.... (ok, so it was a question, lol)
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...
Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I want to applaud your younger man for his words to you of encouragement and of empowerment. Now as for the “cougar” issue which I must say I do not consider you one but for arguments sake that’s what we will go with.
Sometimes there are different agendas for younger men with older women, on the men’s perspective there is this motherly sense that gives a loving warmth that women younger or of age do not actually give as often. it’s a psychological component that gives a different attraction. There are the men that look this as a sense of accomplishment and thrill, the older woman gives different conversation, often different sex (many view better) and different views of life. This can become magnetic but doesn’t always become the case. Then there are cases of individuality where the man actually acknowledges the woman’s great values, great sense of humor, compassionate and loving sides and sees her exactly for who she is and the age is not relevant because she is relevant and I have a good feeling that is where your young cub falls in. As for the mention of your not perfect body, well I see a lot less perfect than perfect (if that even exist) and so many men appreciate the “normal” woman more so than believed. Work on making yourself either come to terms with your natural beauty or you can join a gym or work from home. These boost morale and will add drive to your young pups already blossoming drive. Do not seek for the negative answer only because even if it doesn’t exist, you will find it. Situations don’t always go as planned, so your fling progressed against rule and often happens. Embrace his views, converse with him about his decisions and don’t question them often in doubt or negativity. Honor his words as he seems to honor you. I wish you both the best. Please keep me posted on this.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'd love to know what you think about this:
I'm married. We've had our ups and downs in the past - it was always something I felt we'd overcome and that our love and respect of one another would win out in the end - I was always very confident in our relationship. Until we moved out of state - just to do something different. Once we got there, it was very difficult to find employment for me - he transferred his job - I started school instead and began to fit into our new life - he was working over night. We had a neighbor that I considered a friend after a while - she was a few years younger than we were, single mom who lived home with her mother and brother. We'd share clothes, she gave me a few items - even exchanged Christmas gifts and helped me out a lot with things in a new city - I helped her with school - she would even have dinner with us. Every now and then we'd giver her rides home from work, she didn't have a car - either I or my husband would take her/pick her up - when I noticed that he was giving her rides more and more often - Other times I would leave class early to come home and see him on her front stoop - looking stupid when I'd pull up... Long story short, he had an affair with her - not just sex, but a relationship behind my back. I confronted him when he thought I had concrete evidence, and he finally admitted it a year and a half later. Ripped my world apart. I wanted to die. I remember sobbing on the bathroom floor - curled up in a ball and my then 13 year old son comforting me and reassuring me that it was not my fault... I'm still hurt and this was in 2008! Shortly after that revelation, he fell asleep in bed with his cell phone - I was awakened by his phone vibrating - I picked it up and read a text from another female! He denied, then finally admitted they'd been 'talking' but nothing more developed - which may be true, but where would it have gone if I hadn't caught him? I kicked him out - He basically begged me back, I accepted him back - but then after a while he got this cocky type attitude and expected me to just get over it! During that rocky patch I began welcoming the attention from other men - never strayed, just flirted - enjoyed the attention - I mean, I felt fat and ugly before - was losing weight by then. Anyhow, I slowly began losing weight, and paying closer attention to my looks - his jealousy raged! He became smothering and anxious. I threatened to end things with him if he didn't lighten up - so he did - after a few days @ his mothers. So now, we are going pretty smooth - I'm working again but he isn't which leaves him with a LOT of free time and I notice he is always on the computer - clears his browsing history, has a large amount of local ladies as friends on Facebook, etc. I am very uncomfortable, I think he may be up to something... He has moments where he acts as if he is exasperated with me or something, then other times I'm the love of his life. He still snoops on me - reads emails, etc. I'm not doing anything, he can trust me, but seems to feel he can't he's always been that way. I guess my question is: Do you think (in your humble/professional opinion) that he is still straying? Am I a dummy for staying? For the record - I didn't leave then mainly because I wasn't employed (except for a few graphic design jobs) and we have 4 kids (5-16) -things have changed and I could pretty much do it on my own if need be. There are times I seriously consider walking away - but I have children to think about. Not quite sure what to do. I love him, but I'm not happy.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance
Truth {♥}

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Truth,
This saddens me because there is so much in play with your four children risking being exposed if they haven’t been already. They are brighter than we imagine and ever more observant. I hate to see a family dismantled and separated but there are instances where the inner health of the parents are most vital for the health of the children. How much unhappiness is flowing in the air at home and how does this affect the children?
There is always hope for change but I think the scars run so deep that it would take some therapy sessions to assist in healing. Even if the decision to separate is made, you should consider therapy for the trust issues that has become tangible due to his cheating ways. The victimizer always expects the victim to just get over it and that’s because they do not whatsoever understand the pain and hurt in lies, cheating and deceit. They often run and evade from embracing their hurtful positions and wish you get over it so they wont feel like the bad guy. It isn’t so much for you to move on but for them to erase the burden of guilt. Its very selfish for someone to expect you to get over it. You have your own individual time period for healing and need it. This situation without therapy will remain unhealthy and will ultimately affect the kids and that worries me a lot. He seems to have the “you’re my wife, you’re my property” attitude and that worries me as well. Therapy should be a major topic at this point if there is anything to save here and even if not, in order to co-exist as parents for the children without any rage, jealousy or immaturity. Sometimes walking away is hard but best, I don’t want to flat out make an opinionated statement based on what you told me, I just try to give you the best answer I would give myself and my closest loved one. I really think if therapy isn’t embraced as a family then you need to put the option of separating on the table. There is the family component and in order to work as a cohesive family, a loving and strong unit, there must be healing. I truly hope I helped. Please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a world of confusion. I think I know what I have to do but seem to find myself stuck in a situation I shouldn’t be in. I typed you this question a dozen times and deleted it because its deep and I questioned how anonymous this is but I see it is and I need your words.
I have been with this guy for two years. Every weekend my child’s father was taking my child and I would have this man over and we would have so much fun and great sex and just feel free and laugh all the time. The last few months my child’s father wasn’t taking our child on the weekends, he sort of disappeared and things with my man are going from great to weird to horrible. He makes me feel so worthless at times and he says my child isn’t his responsibility when I ask him to do things with us. Oh yeah, he lives with me and my child. My child is four and I really thought this guy was someone I can spend my life with and he moved in with me and everything. He doesn’t show interest in my child. He has cheated on me recently and says its because I’m so busy with my child that I don’t have time for him. He makes me feel like he has done this before and I wish he could just accept my child too. My child needs me and I cant just give my child’s attention away to him. How can I do both? How can I make him stop cheating? I really hate how he makes me feel. He blames me for my child’s fathers disappearance by saying I had to have done or said something because the guy wouldn’t just disappear. We start arguing but his words are a lot harsher and I just shut up because I don’t have the strength to argue sometimes. What should I do?
Thank you, I read your blog and I don’t want to go to my friends, they don’t know and I don’t want them to. Sincerely, Lost

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lost,
I never allow these questions to get me riled up because I am someone that has spent considerable time in my life assisting when I can and giving advice. I have worked in some of the most strenuous fields of work and when riled up, step away for a moment of clarity and return with the best of me surfaced. Your email made me take a moment.
First thing I want to say is your boyfriend is a scumbag. Yes I said it. He is a piece of trash, yet I will explain his position so you can have a better understanding why he does what he does. You were the weekend ass to him. Every weekend he was able to have uninterrupted sex, all weekend and a place to stay worry free from whatever he had in his world. He looks at your child as a disruption of this and isn’t mature enough to let go and embrace your child and after this length of time he wont. He doesn’t view you as wife material, he sees you as convenience sex and comfort. You provide shelter and sex and probably dinner. Your child to him is imposing on his perfect little world and he refuses to give in. That is disgusting and selfish and you as a parent disappoint me tremendously. How this idiot remains in your home is something you need to ask yourself. There isn’t a balancing act between your child and that guy if he doesn’t respect you, your child and your position. There is no way to make him happy because he will resent your child for taking away his little selfish world and I fear his ability to harm your child out of jealousy. My best advice is to detach and eliminate, you must realize what’s healthiest for your child and remove this idiot from your home. This is one situation that is unhealthy and rarely if ever gets better. You should also consider counseling because I feel there is more to not only this story but your story in general. I want best for you and your child. Please consider outside help. The best solution with that jerk is to let it go. You may think it will bring pain to your heart but I guarantee after the very temporary pain subsides, joy will surface ten fold. This I promise. Please keep me posted.

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SEXUALITY ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS

Dearest Mr. Lover Man, My concern is as far as BSDM I'm extremely fascinated with bondage sex especially when the woman is allowed to be dominate. I do watch bondage porn and get turned on by it. I have been dominated by a male before, worn a collar and leash, been tied, whipped, paddled, gagged, blindfolded etc. I have a wonderful man, that hasn't really tried it too much yet and is willing. I would like to be more in the dominate role as a female without turning him off from it. Such as him wearing a collar, tie him up, using the whip on him or the gag on him. I would even like to wear a strap on and he sucks the dildo. I would like to bring these ideas up him as gently as possible. It is something new, and I don't want to place him in an uncomfortable spot. It does turn me on and it would love to try and share this with him but it's more enjoyable when both parties agree. What are ways to address this issue where both of us can benefit? Thank you, Rose

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Rose
New sexual acts can tend to be uncomfortable and can even shift the direction of the relationship if delivered wrong. For example, asking a man to suck a dildo you have strapped on can shut him down or turn him off, however, during conversation, expressing why it turns you on, how much you appreciate it and showing him the porn you have watched without him may lead him to expanding his sexual horizons and stretch his willingness to please you in these ways. Now in this introduction, you must not be selfish at all. Consider his feelings, learn his sexual interest, his past, his every turn on and find a way to morph that and incorporate the two worlds so you both can make it everlasting. Many men may not give in for a while, some never but find common ground, do not be fussy or pushy because numbers show that’s some of the worst sex, when one party does not really want to do something and does it just to get it over with. Sex should never have any party in that frame of mind, ever. As for collars, whips, paddles and so forth, this is not something every person will enjoy, as a matter of fact; there is always an act someone will not enjoy. Teach yourself to be open-minded to it and to be willing to readjust and maybe tone down to welcome him into a world that may be foreign. You never know, you may be turning him on to some of the greatest sex he has ever had. Good luck, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having this problem. Well I don’t really see this as a problem, but my friends do. I’m attracted to rugged looking men with beards, rough hands, rough complexion and simple talks. There are a few men who are after me, trying at me for a date, but I won’t let them; these men are clean cut well established educated men. Yet I’m just not into them. Their speech is a turn off. My friends all thinks that I’m crazy and that I need to have my head examine by a professional. What do you think? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Allow me to say that this is not foreign at all. There could be so many things happening here and ill touch a few. There is a sexual perception about this type of man as opposed to the other which does not drive you, it is believed by many that the rugged man with simple talks are passionately aggressive and very sexually inclined and that could be a factor in the attraction. You mention that speech is a turn off for the educated man and that’s interesting and leads me to wonder how deep this goes. I do not think you are crazy but there is something underneath the surface that makes me wonder. I think that a professional assessment would not be bad and it may open you to answers. In the world we live in, Tarzan is much more attractive than Bill Gates. You know what you find attractive and many people look at status over inner substance but there should always be individuality in people that reach someone. Then there is the inferiority of dealing with someone well educated and with a certain “speech” and I wonder if that is what we are talking about here. I know men and women alike who deal with people financially inferior, educationally inferior in order to remain dominate and comfortable in their own skin. Seeking professional help for a session or two can guide into answers. Please keep me posted, good luck.

Mr. Lover Man.....I have been struggling with a question for the past 4yrs now. My fascination is with oral sex more so than vaginal or anal. I get more turned on by anything that concerns the mouth, face, hair, etc. As far as oral is concerned it's not a man eating my vagina, that's my hype. I get more aroused by sucking on my man's penis than him taking care of me. For me mentally it's almost like an obsession. I love giving oral to my man a few times thru out the day, while wearing a vibrator. I love deep throating, swallowing always being faced sexed and even waking my man up to it in the middle of the night. I also enjoy the open mouth gags, large dildos any large item being placed in my mouth. My friends often make jokes about me doing this so often esp. considering the fact I doing on my man more so than him giving me oral. I do enjoy him giving me oral but it turns me on more pleasing him. This has been an ongoing issue for me for a while. So my concern is, is there more going on as far as psychologically or could this just be my intense sexual preference? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I will say that there are a few things going on here, I stand, applaud and commend your ability to want to please your man and finding great pleasure in it. Oral fixation is huge in the world, I know of cases where some people cannot have sex without oral leading the way first, there is a dominating/submissive position with oral sex. Usually the one giving the oral sex is the submissive in the unwritten role and it is a different pleasing for the individual receiving the pleasure. However, there comes a point where the role has reverse and the giver is the person in power, depending on the type of oral action. The oral movement does vary from the vaginal and anal cavities and allows a different control for the giver. I believe that control and that power to control another’s pleasures can be addicting and can also be pleasuring. I know of a woman who orgasms from giving oral sex to men and loves the control aspect. Could there be something deeper? Of course there is. There may have been a point where you may have been hurt, cheated on or used in some form and this has enabled you to feel stronger in holding on and gives you more control than you have had before this became a normal part of you. Gagging has become flattering and thrilling for men for many reasons and some cases I know, women have told me the filling of their mouths gives them a sense of strong role sexually. It is almost like a conquering feeling for them. Your friends critique should mean nothing; it’s what works for you and your man that counts here. Good luck with everything and please do not look at your sexual activity as a negative, it appears that you intend to please your partner, look to find pleasure in him pleasing you too. There is a great pleasure for him in doing so.

To Mr. Lover Man, Please tell me what is wrong with me, maybe it is not me, and so tell me what’s wrong with my man. He watches porn and I can’t stand it. I think porn is fake and slutty and does nothing but give men fantasies about woman that isn’t theirs. What can I do to take him away from porn because I don’t think it’s normal to watch porn when you have a girlfriend? This will make me happy. Danielle

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Danielle,
This is actually a question I have stumbled across more times than I thought I would and there are many reasons I have been asked. More importantly, before we go into it, I will say that there is absolutely nothing wrong or unhealthy with watching porn. Now of course I mean porn with consenting and legal adults acting while committing legal acts and anyone watching is a consenting adult. People can use porn in quite unhealthy ways but in your case you did not mention any being used. Your perception of porn is your view and really isn’t fair to him to impose this if that’s what you are doing. In a relationship there are ways to express concern without demoralizing ones interest. I feel that you need to dig within self here and find out what is it that you feel the competitive strike from women in porn for. Your disdain is so strong, yet I don’t see why? Do you feel jealous that he has an entertainment from watching other people perform sexually? Have you tried to communicate with him about this and try to understand his sexuality in total? In relationships good partners do so and I think you both should have longer talks and explore more about each other, express your concerns and don’t be afraid to use your sexuality to sway him away from the internet/television when he is in porn mode. He may just give you an overwhelming service. One last thing I want to address is that fantasies are not unhealthy either; many women have fantasies about actors and R&B singers, is this just as stupid in your book? You both have the right to have your needs addressed and attended to with full attention. State your concerns respectfully and allow him to do the same. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted.

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