COMBATING THE MIXED MESSAGES.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I've been seeing this guy for 7 months now. We see each other about once a week or once every other week. He isn't ready for something serious, but has been there for me when I've needed him. Sometimes I feel like I would like something more with him, but he shuts down when I bring it up. I know he's going through some financial hardship and things are unstable for him. I have also noticed when I'm out he seems insecure about it. I get pursued by other men all the time. I'm not ready to move on to the dating scene just yet. What would you suggest? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

There are things here that could possibly be happening that haven’t been communicated. The societal stigma that because one is male, one must be a huge financial supporter could be weighing heavily on him. The mention of his financial hardship rang a bell with me. There are times that men are hesitant in engaging in exclusivity due to financial hardships because let’s face it; it does cost to be in a relationship. Even if both parties bring to the table, it is still a societal stigma for the male to bring more. Now I do not and never will agree with this foolish rule but maybe he does. Communicate with him and find out what it is that he wants. Don’t bring up anything that you want in the beginning. Allow him to express what it is that he wants pressure free. His insecurity about you going out can mean one of numerous things. He may actually want more and is unable to feel he can (due to financial reasons). He may have been though something in the past he has not gotten over and you’re going out triggers that moment. Clear things with him; communicate effectively and with consideration of his feelings. Should his unwillingness to step forward for be much clearer, then you have to accept and make a decision. Should you wish exclusivity and to settle and he doesn’t, then you will need to invest elsewhere. You need to be happy and do not need mixed signals nor do you need to hold onto something that will never be. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I’m dating this girl who is giving me mixed messages. When we are alone, she lets off this incredible attentive aura that shows me where we are headed. When we are out in a group setting, she always mentions how she isn’t ready to settle down with anyone. It’s very contradictory to everything we discuss or how we act when we are alone. I don’t even know if I have the right to address this because I guess we aren’t solely seeing each other according to her words when we are with friends. What should I do? Thanks in advance. “John Dough”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “John Dough”,

This entire situation wreaks “immaturity” on her part. This is just one of those people that ae still impressing their friends or the general public without realizing the things they lose in doing so. This is such a classic childish act. However, you have the absolute right to question the position you both play in each other’s lives. Do not feel that her contradictory expression amongst friends removes your position. You have the right to know where you stand and what the expectations are of this position. The lack of exclusivity doesn’t remove the fact that you are investing time. Communicate how you feel and what you wish for. Should you both be on two completely different wavelengths, then you need to consider making a decision on whether you will hang around (which isn’t the best at times), dating others or just completely moving forward in a different direction from hers altogether. Whatever it is that keeps her from wanting more is something she has t tackle and not something you mislead yourself into thinking you can “cure”. Seek truth and accept it. After accepting the truth, make a choice. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My situation is confusing. I’m with this guy that treats me like a Queen but I can’t get him to commit. It’s like every time I speak about taking it to the next level of just us dating; he tells me he isn’t ready. Why would he treat me so well if he wasn’t ready? His actions make me think he is ready but his words are strong in saying no. Should I even wait until he changes his mind or should I date other people too?  What do you think? “Female That’s Ready”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Female That’s Ready”,

This could very well be a typical situation of a male who is not just treating you this way but others. It’s not hard to do so and this could be his way of suspicion being minimal or non-existent. The thing here is that he is not ready because he could be elsewhere. The key here is to communicate your expectations, should you have any and to find out his. Be clear as to whether you guy are expected to date others as well and what are the willing possibilities. I never believe in hanging on to something that won’t be. I’m a firm believer in communication as an effective tool/weapon and its constant utilization throughout the process and not just when relationships hit a wall. You make your next steps in accordance to where this one moves. Should this relationship be exactly where its ever going to be then you need to make a decision. If there is more coming, then give more as it comes. Good luck and keep me posted.

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ON THE BRINK OF AN AFFAIR

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been married for ten years and unhappy for the last six years. My wife & I haven’t had sex in the last two years and we pretty much continue this relationship because of our two children. I find myself wanting the companionship I am missing in my marriage. I want to kiss, hold and make love to someone and my wife isn’t an option. I have a friend that I have been spending a little time wife and she is in a marriage that is not providing what we need. Spending time with her has opened my eyes to what I am missing and although it is not sexual, the tension exists and our interests in exploring something more is common. I think about her all the time and I find myself wondering if I would be having an affair and that is something I do not want to do. I want to move forward but I know I am still married, help me please. From: Anonymously Unhappy

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymously Unhappy”,

Your length of time of unhappiness is quite lengthy and I am wondering how the communication is at home. I understand the conflict within but in order for you to feel great about whichever direction you choose to go, think about a few things. The first thing is, how effective of a communicator have you been lately? Are you clear that this marriage is over and is it beyond repair? The reason you need to know is because you can not make these decisions for you wife and you should always close one door before opening another. Should there be hope of making your marriage work, are you willing to do your part? When you address these questions and if you find yourself in a situation that directs you to move forward, you need clarity on where this women will stand in your world as opposed to her marriage. Do not give up your marriage for a woman that may never exit hers. Communication is your answer and until you answered these questions clearly, do not make the decision to abandon your marriage just yet. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am on the brink of having an affair and I am in need of help because I really love my husband. I have a male friend who makes me feel more alive and more passionate about myself than I have felt in quite a while. Our friendship is relatively new, about a year and a half and I really enjoy his company. He is in a relationship of his own but our flirting grows over time. I know I probably shouldn’t be doing it but it feels good when we are flirting. It makes me realize the thing missing at home. Give me some words here because I really am ready to make a move and I know I shouldn’t. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I always have a problem with these “friends” who claim to be a friend but have ulterior motives and the person in the relationship which knows better but engages in it anyway. First thing, he is not you friend if he knows very well that you are married and is trying to have his way with you outside of the friendship. Real fiends would not do so, especially that you have not claimed you had issues at home and were open about you really loving your husband. I think that the things you realize you are claiming to be missing at home should be worked on before you venture to try to find it elsewhere. You have to try and remember that your home is where you must work on always. The love exists but does the willingness to respect this love exist? Who are you in your relationship and are you willing to lose your home relationship to be a side-piece to a friend who is obviously only friending you for a piece of sex. All too often I have seen these situations where the person actually engages and either ruins the home relationship and/or realizes they risked something great only to be revealed as a quick piece of sex. The smart choice is to work on things at home, to communicate and to make sure you don’t just respect your relationship at home but when you are not home as well. You being on the brink of an affair isn’t so much about your friend, but more so about who you are. I hope you are better than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My marriage has lost its spark, it has been on the decline for quite a while and I don’t think either of us has had the guts to admit it out loud. My wife spends more time in a separate room and no longer embraces me as I walk in from work. The little things are gone and I find myself interested in other women at work. I get hit on quite often and have always been professional but I feel lonely in my own home. I feel like I need to seek love somewhere, as my wife has not shown me any. Thank you for your time. “Steven”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Steven”,
I think before you take this cop-out of an excuse, you need to exercise all options in your marriage. Have you tried counseling? Doesn’t sound like you have. Have you decided that it would be smarter to communicate out loud as opposed to assumptions and doing something stupid? The little things that have diminished have part of your responsibility on it. The fact that you felt this occurring and have not maturely addressed this shows that you played a part in its demise. Could this be saved? Of course it can, do you really want that? You do not need to seek love anywhere but home and should this mutually come to an end, then and only then should you seek love elsewhere. You are in a vowed marriage and for better or worse, you must stand by your promise to try and make this work and exercise all options. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.

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STEP-PARENTS: WHEN IS IT TIME?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am in a great relationship that hits a snag. This snag is my girlfriend’s 7 year old son. The child is a good, well behaved child but does not warm up to me. I tried extending myself in a manner that I felt was safe and somewhat warming but this child does not even talk to me. I really do not know what to do. I found myself pulling away and not knowing what to say when I visit them. I really want this to work, please help me.

Signed respectfully, “A good man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “A good man”,

This is such a common situation and I want to take this time to applaud you for your attempts and your position and where you want this to go. It is not easy for a child to warm up to the man who has just imposed into his world and has snatched attention from the most important person in his life. I’m not sure if the child has a strong bond with his biological father but that can also play a role. It will take time and in this time, try to find out all the little things that he likes. Go out as a trio and see his favorite movies, plays, game halls, etc., and you will slowly see the ice melt. He needs to feel safe and can’t feel second in his mom’s world. He needs to often be reassured that you are not coming in to make things difficult. A child cannot be expected to have the same clear understanding of the situation as the adults present in the situation. It is your job to ask yourself how much do you want this and should it be more yes than no, then you have to allow patience to be your best friend. I have seen the successes in these stories and would love to know that yours is also one. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do you know if you can bring someone around your child? I have been dating this loving man for four months and we have been in such awe of one another. I am seemingly falling in love and he has expressed similar feelings but a little a bit stronger. He has expressed interest in meeting my daughter and I have never let any man meet my daughter because I am very protective. Will this ruin the relationship if I wait too long and when will I know I can trust him? Thank you so much Mr. Lover Man, from Momma Bear.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Momma Bear”,

It is great to protect our children and that is something that all parents should pride selves in. Your situation is one that many parents dating ask themselves. You should engage in conversation with you daughter and set up dialogue. Allow her chance to prepare for the moment when she meets someone new. Remind her of her position and how this is an addition and not substitute.

As for your boyfriend, you will know when the time is right when you start to daydream of moments of you three co-existing in such a wonderful manner. Those moments that you can visualize how great it can be because of how great he is to you and when you stop that thought and you feel you miss it although it hasn’t happened, then you will know it is the right time. Make sure you have a deep detailed talk about this, fully understand how he feels and do not irrationally impose expectations on him that is not fair. Your daughter is first but she is not only, you have to remember that this is new for everyone and you will be the facilitator, so to speak.

As for your concern about the waiting process being a negative, well it can be. Not definitely but one may wonder the level of seriousness if one can never fully enter his partner’s world. I have a feeling that is not the issue here but in conversation, reassurance and a request of patience is reasonable. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I never had a good relationship with my step-dad. He was real military and not emotional. He really was nice to my mom and was a complete heel to me and my brother. Ok, so here we are up to date, my girlfriend has a child and she knows I had nothing but bad memories with my step-dad because I told her. Now she thinks I may not have the ability to be a good step parent if the time comes to meet her son. I am not a bad person and I don’t think that it’s a picture that should be painted about me. How can I change her from thinking this way? It’s not fair for me. Thanks. “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

Your yesterday should not ever be held over your head, especially when you are too far ahead into today. You have to remind her of who you are and tell her that because of your experiences that you actually know what it feels like and could never inflict upon another. Your story of yesterday can’t change who you are and your willingness to share is commendable. Make sure you communicate, not in a defensive manner, but in the honest way that you can. You must continue to present who you are and respect her position to take precaution to protect her son as any honorable parent would. She didn’t break up which clearly means that she is still on board. Have patience and communicate. Never shy from being you and allow her time to see once again how great you are. Good luck and keep me posted.

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SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS & THE RESPECT YOU DO NOT GET

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need your help like yesterday. I am married but I got caught up into a relationship at work with a supervisor and now it’s beginning to affect my relationship at home. My supervisor doesn’t want more than sex but he is somewhat reckless with his communication and my husband is beginning to catch on. How can I ease my way out of the one at work & fix my relationship at home without ruining my chances of productivity at work? Respectfully Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place”,

First thing is that in you search to slide your way out of sleeping with a supervisor, you neglect the disrespect and lack of regard to your husband. Your decision to cheat and lie has placed you in a situation with a supervisor who does not respect you as his actions show with his clear disrespect to your marriage at home as his form of communication is reckless. He does not care about whether you get caught or not because he has power over you and you are too weak to confront it. You rather risk hurting you husband who probably is supportive and loving than confront your supervisor about his blatant disrespect of your home. You are a weasel of the worst kind, however, there is a way to change this position you are in.

First thing you have to do is let your supervisor know the importance of your marriage (if that truly exists) and why the situation you have with him can no longer exists and anything outside of professionalism is on zero tolerance. If this is not something the supervisor will accept, any conversation further than that should be recorded without his knowledge. You will need to cover yourself as all too often, when the female the boss is screwing gets boring or wants to return home, it has been reported to not settle well with the power mongering boss.

Do something amazing for your husband, as a matter of fact, be amazing for you husband, more so for yourself and focus all the extra marital sex on your husband. You need to grow up and make mature decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I feel played and humiliated at work. My boss is a dog and I fell into his chauvinistic ways. Here is my story: My boss came across as a charming man, someone respectful and always complimenting me. I really thought he was different and after a month of relations it seems like he is doing the same exact thing he did with me to the new girl and I am beyond livid. I can already sense how others are looking at me and I am humiliated. I want to confront him, no, I want to rip his head off and key his car but I can’t afford to lose my job. Please help me. Thank you, “Used”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Used”,

There is not much that can be done other than embrace the fact that he played you so now focus on moving forward. It’s not easy and I understand how humiliated you feel but ultimately you have to work in that environment and you need to do what you must to further educate yourself to qualify for a higher position and be the example for change. You can use your experience to help others; you can take what you have learned and move forward. Unfortunately this is too common at the workplace and something that will not just simply stop as the power given with title is abused in many ways. You will have to learn to protect yourself from further advances from males at the workplace as once it is known, usually others hone in to try and take advantage of what can be labeled the “easy girl”. You need to focus on why you were hired and what it is you have to do at work. Don’t try to be anything other than a hard worker.

It is known that 17% of women have slept with their bosses and only about 30% felt any type of benefit. Most of the time it is the boss using the position as a degrading means to sex whomever they feel will fall for it. You need to focus more on the best you and do not allow this dirtbag to determine your worth. Do not run from the topic and do not give him any other attention outside of the professionalism to co-exist. Other than that, never lose sight that he is a scum bag who is not in the department of change. You need to focus on being in that department. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am the President of a particular company and I find myself fantasizing about the secretary. I do not wish to be labeled as one of those with power who use this power to sleep around. I am a respectable man whom has taken strong pride in working my way up by sweat and lack of sleep. I am influenced to remain shy of engaging with those lower on the hierarchy of the work ladder by my peers. I am not one that has been known to become easily swayed by others but I can see how this looks. Is there anyway to approach this without being labeled and without causing a stir? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

No, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and anyone who thinks otherwise is so far removed from reality, you should give them crayons to dram their next steps in life. The truth is that the labels are there, a secretary sleeping with the boss is never equal and never respectable. As long as one person possesses power over the other whether status or genuine power, there is no equality, which is why Doctors or Lawyers should never sleep with their patients/clients. One person has entered the relationship with more power over the other and this will forever remain as such. I don’t know what type of relationship you are seeking but do not mislead yourself or her. Should you choose to pursue this, do so for reasons genuine to self and never lose sight of who you are. Remain the President of the company that sweated profusely and slept little to hold a position to make a difference. Do not allow a situation like a work fling to destroy that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

MR. LOVER MAN ADDS:

Sleeping with the boss is something that has been age old. Far less has truly benefitted and often those that have, in some form or fashion has been labeled accordingly (ex: Monica Lewinsky). The best way to succeed is to earn it and never compromise who you are for a short cut that could end by keeping you labeled and forcing higher ups to never respect you enough to give you a chance for growth at work. Be the best you at all times because your work fling is not a secret, men at work talk more than women at work and that’s often because men at work feel they can. More men are at power and hold status in this world than women and that’s by a huge margin. 60& of men and 70% of women lose respect for you in that situation. Much blessings to all and earn yours off your back. Much respect.

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IS YOUR SEX HEALTHY?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love your blog site and I know you will answer straight up. I am trying to figure out if I have a healthy sexual relationship. What would you consider a healthy one? Samantha  :)

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Samantha,

Thank you so much for your kindness. A healthy sexual relationship entails of many components, I’ll gladly share with you some. First and foremost, both partners should feel pleased almost equally with the activities that are going on. Neither one should ever feel forced and unable to say “NO” when applicable. There should be a mutual respect before and afterwards where both parties can feel as if they weren’t placed in a situation of disgust. Trust is a strong component of a healthy relationship and both parties should feel safe in the arms of their partner’s sexual history and present activities. There can be an individual component that pleases a couple that they may determine “healthy” but these are general and applies in most instances. Hope this helped you and please keep in touch.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

What can be done to increase the sexual drive in my husband? He has issues with erection and is embarrassed about it. I will not let that make me cheat because he is the man I love and want. I am frustrated but I feel bad more than frustrated. Help us. From “Love without a limit”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love without a limit”,

It is said by the experts in the field that it isn’t much about the drive per say but whether the drive has ever reached its potential. Each person’s drive is limited and in every relationship differs. There are many factors as to why his drive may have diminished; stress, money issues, eating fried or greasy foods, long term smokers, and all sorts of emotional and physical conditions all play a part in the diminishing. I honor you for not bailing out and for sticking it through. It will get better and you will love it in the future. As treatment or intervention is injected in this situation for whatever the cause may be, the erection difficulty diminishes, the desire increases and a new confidence is formed. Do not pressure him where additional stress forms, only setting him further back. Instead, continue to be the supportive force you are and trust me when I say, when he finds his “mojo” again, he will give to you what no one has. Good luck with everything and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Is cybersex cheating? Is it unhealthy and how can I get my woman to accept it? She is against it and I love it. I think it offers ideas we can use in real life, she thinks only perverts do it and I want her to be more open minded. Thank you, Anonymous.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Cybersex being labeled cheating is something you have to discuss with your partner. I know many who would say it is and some who would feel it is harmless. I for one consider it cheating but like I said, your partner may not. You should open those lines of communication and respect how your partner feels. The best way to open her up to it is to allow her to experience it with you and walk her through how it turns you on. Tell her what it is you want to do to her and then proceed to doing so. Make it something visual for her to see what she will feel later on. It’s not impossible to get her to be more open but do not force it upon he, she is entitled how she feels as well. Importantly, it is a known statistic that spending 11 plus hours in a week on internet sex sites is a clear sign of psychological distress. At this rate online sex interferes with real sex and other avenues of life which can increase a strong risk of dependence to this cybersex world. Be moderate with you activities and never allow it to replace what you have. Good luck, keep me posted.

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RELATIONSHIPS: THE WRONG STUFF

Hi Mr. Lover Man,
How are you? I am not sure if you can help me. My story is like this. I'm 39 yrs old and I know this guy from I was 10 yrs old. I always liked him and we became an item in the 1990's. I was very active in my church and I did not have sex with him and we broke up. I am from a small island and I went back to my country in 1993 and got pregnant from an ex. The guy I'm talking about heard about it and thought I moved on and he moved on and got married. I came back to the U.S in 2004 & we hooked up & one thing led to another and we finally had sex, I got pregnant and have a 6 year old child. His family knows about it, but his wife has no idea he has an outside child. We have been seeing each other for 7 years & we are very active sexually. I really love him and he gives me the impression that he feels the same. But I am so frustrated with this whole situation & I want to leave but it is so hard especially sharing a child together. He has 2 boys with his wife and I have a daughter. I don't know what to do sometimes. I feel bad a lot of times knowing I did this to another woman, but he does not make it easy for me either. Any advice? & what do you think about this person who is keeping this secret (Love child) a secret. You are a Love expert, so I hope you can help me. :)
Anonymous
Thanks

 MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Sadly, people will be hurt because of this selfish and immature situation you find yourself in. Knowingly sleeping with a man who is married and without using protection is disgusting and makes me wonder if you were foolish enough to actually believe that something other than your situation would arise? I understand how these situations happen and although I do not personally agree with it, my personal opinion means naught. Let’s work on what’s wisest for the next step. Your frustration will continue to mount and you will continue to be a secret because you have allowed this. Keeping this a secret will hurt you child’s life for the years to come and revealing it will possibly destroy a marriage and ruin the situation you have with him. There is more so than not a chance that hurt is unavoidable. You have to weigh in what’s most important, your sex with this guy and your child remaining a secret (because you will never be anything more in his eyes) or to finally communicate with him that you both have to figure out a way to not take from the relationship the kids deserve to have with one another. Now be mindful, the hurt that will come from this can cause the boys from his marriage to despise you and your secret child but can ease with time. You have asked what do I think about a person who is keeping this secret, well my answer is the same way I think about the other person who allows this. You both have engaged in a selfish act and should consider righting this for the kid’s sake. You need to remove your selfish wants and finally inject the notion of doing the right thing and making the kids a public priority. I feel most sorry for his wife and her children who did not ask for this situation and whose life will forever be altered due to you selfishly disgusting act. I hope you finally decide to do the right thing and remove your sexual wants for what’s best for the child who has been a secret.
Good luck with everything and please keep me posted.



Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am dating someone who has broken up with his girlfriend of three years and he also has a one-year-old son.
They have only been separated for two months and he says she wants him back. I said maybe he should go back to her and try and work things out for the sake of his son, but he said he doesn’t want to because they don’t get along anymore.
He hasn’t told her about us yet properly because it is early in our dating life and he is not sure what will happen between us. At times I think he likes me a lot and then there are other times that I am not sure what’s going on.
I think he speaks about her too much and isn’t giving us a chance to grow.
I am not really sure how to handle the situation. Could you give me some advice?
Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

You are looking into this far more than you should. You guys literally just started dating and too many factors say you are going to rush into a broken heart. If you feel there is enough interest to pursue knowing him better than I say to get to know who he is. However, dating him at this point may be a bit premature in his getting over someone phase. I believe that time always differs for every individual but if he is constantly speaking of her while with you, then those alarms are going off that possibly he needs a little time. I’m not saying to completely dump the guy, but, I am suggesting that you express your concerns and pull back from him. You shouldn’t expect him to make the announcement to his ex about you so quick. That’s something that people make an issue about when it is not of great importance this early. The only time that would be of any importance is if you are taking a role in his child’s life. The territorial stance that people wish to pose by letting an ex know about their existence is childish and should not be a concern of yours at this stage what so ever. Focus on just getting to know him safely and do not move too fast. This situation may not be the right one right now if ever. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

It's been almost two years since my ex and I broke up. I am feeling lonely.

Recently I have been going through a very difficult time and all I want is to talk to him. I sit at home and think about my past and I just want to call him. We haven't talked to each other for a while now but the urge is really strong. I think that I am able to forgive him for cheating.
What should I do?  Help me please, Anonymous.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Never allow loneliness to make decisions that a clear mind wouldn’t make. One of the bigger reasons for entering the wrong relationship is loneliness and your email screams this. I understand that going through a difficult time can muster up old emotions and mislead self into thinking things that normally one wouldn’t but do not let this moment walk you into a world of repeated hurt. Remain focused on yourself and work on altering your thought process by reminding yourself why it is you are having these thoughts and how you deserve better. You haven’t been in contact with him in so long that you have no idea if this individual has progressed from being the cheater he was while with you. I think you should not engage with him in any form and chalk this up to those lonely thoughts and not some emotional connection brewing like out of some cheesy B rated movie. Please keep me posted, good luck.

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TIME TO COME CLEAN

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am in a peculiar situation that I am sure I have not read on the previous posts but I feel that you will give it to me with honesty. Here is the thing, I am in love with someone that I probably should not be in love with. I am 19 and so is she. We were raised right next to each other and our parents gew up together. They always say we are cousins but we are not related by blood at all. Our parents are our God-Parents and they would be upset if they knew that we have been involved for a year. Here is where the situation gets harder. She is 4 months pregnant and we have been hiding it very well. I know that there will be a time we cant hide it but I dont even know how to tell my parents or her parents without breaking their hearts. Please guide me through this.We are in love deeply. Thank you from *John Doe*

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "John Doe",

Situations like this may not be an everyday affair but they happen. I will say that there is no way to convey this message to the families without any person feeling a certain way, however, the message can be delivered to make sure that your point is felt. One thing you want to do is admit your feelings in a way that is not only showing your mature security in the relationship but flatters the parents that they know you love their daughter because she is a great person from a great family. How could you not love her? Remind them of the closeness, the years of knowing one another in detail and how it evolved fom a friendhsip like no other. Admit your fears in expression but stand strong in confidence. Will this ease everyones heart 100%? Maybe not but it will ease many. You really want to open them up to the perspective of you guys and ultimately the happiness of your independent relationship matters most but I can clearly see its important to have everyone on board. Follow what I said and I think it will lead you to where you want it to be. Keep me posted. Good luck.

 Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Please help me. I am doing something that you might think is wrong and a part of me does too but it just happened. I am sleeping with one of my friend's boyfriend on the side. I did not want to but it just happened and now I feel bad. To make things worse, I think I might be pregnant. I dont want to be with him or have his baby and I dont want to lose my friend.I read your blog alot and seen you help people with worse situations. Can you please help me. Thank you. *Anonymous*

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous",

The term "friend" has been disrespected by your blatant disrespect. The very same term has been disrespected by your unwillingness to value such a term by opening your legs easily to one of the few off limits people in a friendship. So in your mention of worst situations, thats not for me to say but as you try to convicne yourself of this, know that you are wrong in every form here. Now your friends boyfriend is a piece of trash as well but he did not ask me for my words so i wont say much on him. We could safely transer what I say to you to him. You need to test for pregnancy and decide your next steps in that world. If you should be pregnant, you and him are going to have to finally act mature and come to decisions. As fo your friendship, you do not deserve it but that can be decided by your friend as I hope you allow maturity toassist in you coming clean. Your friend deserves an honest friend and an honest relationship with a man who is more than just a male. You have to walk her through it in your eyes. This rarely eases the blow but can make the possibilty of a continued friendship exist. The "it just happened" line is loaded with bull and should not be used here. You have to be honest and stop looking to be the victim, you are not. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am sleeping with my sisters best friend. My sister would hate me for it but we are in love and we are tired of hiding it. It has been 17 months and its annoying because when we all hang out (which is rare as a group), my sister talks about other guys and my girl feels like she has to entertain this and I am not comfortable. Should we just tell her? This is too much. Thanks for the advice beforehand. *Anonymous Male*

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonynous Male",

I have this feeling that by this point, your sister may feel a slight form of betrayal from one o both of you and that may not be avoidable. You have to be able to remain honest and stong. Tell your sister how it begun and its emotional evolution. Tell her how important she is to you both and how it matters how she feels. She doesnt want to feel removed or as if she isnt the best friend to her and the sister to you. In past experiences I have heard from, the sister can feel detached or like a third fiddle, as if she no longer holds the exact role of importance and you want to make sure she doesnt. Dont be afraid to tell her however, be very aware of her feelings. As for your discomfort when your sister has girl talk with your girl, well thats your fault fo hiding this for so long. So park your "Im annoyed" cry and focus on delivering the message of importance. Good luck and keep me posted.

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