Saturday, March 30, 2013


Such a fitting topic to always visit and revisit at any moment as "Temptation" often enters our lives. Sadly, too many selfishly fall into its grips, never fully taking into account the feelings of others impacted.
I just saw Tyler Perry's "Temptation" last night with a good friend and I must say that the moral of the story was fitting. Now there will be a very gender biased response to the movie as I have already been receiving such in my emails, Facebook messages and so forth. 
I do not want to make this post about the opinions of the acting or story line so much as the message. 
It is important to understand that you will face new occurrences, meet new people and see new things that will all in its own way, make you think that new is better than what you have. It may be fun and flashy and often make you smile but that doesn't necessarily make it better. 
In a relationship, two major problems that can be fixed are routine and communication. The reason it doesn't is often we become set in a certain way, not intentionally but we are creatures of habit. When one person finds themselves losing an ounce of happiness, it is the parties right and duty to communicate this and come to a ground that uplifts each individual and the union as a whole.
Relationships take work and without the willingness to do so, why even enter one?
Do not let the person who makes you smile when you are down come across as the savior because piss doesn't look so bad next to shit, but it is still piss.
Temptation is new, not as a word but it is always something different, something new, something that may mislead you to think it gives life. Temptation gives you a jolt that is probably missing but you can get that jolt back in your relationship if you communicate, change routine and keep it fresh. Do not let your relationship dull to find something sharp and new only to be cut at the end. 
Think about whats most important because relationships do not go smoothly daily, they take work. Especially marriages. Of course there are reasons to move on but one must truly evaluate before one gives in. In a relationship you can NOT have the "I'm doing me" attitude or the "I need to have fun" thought process. If you feel you are young and have a lot of living to do, then do it single. You do not have the right to mislead others and because you fear loneliness, drag others through your life of deceit and heartache. 
Everyone does not have to be in a relationship right now today and that is fine, but be honest with self and others and you will find that Temptation from the wrong things will not be so hard to ignore. 

For those that saw the movie and thought that the ending was wrong, sad or extreme, I promise you that I have seen this result on many occasions. One person goes and thinks new is better only to find truth after the flash, fun and "new" becomes "old". The female contracting HIV, getting beat up and losing a great man was fitting in this movie. Sad in real life but such a hard and great lesson for those that watch it. It was nice to see the man who was faithful and loyal and although routine was his error, communication could have saved them. It was nice to see him move on and have a great family. 
Sad overall but lessons like this must seen on the screen before it becomes your life.

Monday, March 11, 2013


We all have tolerated things that we feel at times we are supposed to, we put up with abuse, we put up with being hit, cheated on, ridiculed and even neglected. We have done so in the name of "love" but I am here to say, you no longer need to put up with this.
Today it is about you. Please watch and share this video with everyone because I promise you, someone needs to see this.
We all need to accept our wrongs and be better.


Saturday, February 23, 2013


Sometimes breaking-up seems like the most torturous act that we can ever go through. It is like someone being ripped out of you life and having to be buried but yet they still exist. It is almost having to ignore their present and future when all you want to do is the complete opposite. Sometimes the break-up is necessary because some things can not be fixed and sometimes the break-up is premature because through all rough roads are tests in relationships to see if true love exists.
Everyone isn't really in love. At times they are in love with the notion of love and use the word love far more than their actions can support. That doesn't mean they are lying, they sometimes think they really love you but do not. It is tricky but even when faced with this, one must communicate. When you lose communication, you lost the relationship.
One major problem is people want long term relationships but have short term thinking. You get into a verbal argument and one person leaves or makes a long term decision and that is not how the relationship survives. Sometimes (depending on the offense) you have to give space, sometimes after the argument, the situation calms down and there is a period where communicating civilly about what hurt the other person is necessary.
We often run to people who may mean well but do not give the right advice. The people who always tell you to just end it and "you deserve better" and "he/she will regret it when you are gone" do not have a clue. These people probably only hear when you are unhappy and you do not brag to them enough when you are happy with your partner and in their bias (or sometimes hate) they try to get you immediately out of a long term relationship with short term responses.
Breaking up, separations and divorces affect people differently and often in different stages. A mourning and an anger period is fine. They should not determine your decisions. One should never file divorce when angry nor return just because one is lonely. There has to be a clear thought that this relationship could never work no matter how hard we try. If you want a relationship with no arguing or problems, have a relationship with your hand because in the real world, these things happen.
The relationships that survive the hard times often emerge to be stronger. Not every relationship is worth that effort.
Should you find your relationship is not worth the effort and you are in a break-up slump, here are some tips that I am finding helpful to try and cope with ending a long term relationship.
Accept the sadness or grief you feel over the loss of your relationship. People will tell you it's going to be alright and it will. Dealing with the pain right away and upfront can speed up your recovery and help you start new, healthy relationships in the future. Trying to avoid the pain and masks it in clubs, bars and behind drinks or other dates will harm you in the long run.
Reach out honestly to friends and family. There are still people who care about you and would love to take you out to dinner, bowling, a movie or just a stroll. Do not isolate yourself; stay active and sociable.
Do not be afraid to talk to a therapist. Divorce/long term separation/break-ups comes with a wide range of emotions and they can be difficult to manage on your own. Make sure the therapists is an expert in divorce, relationships and so forth.

Give yourself time to heal. Do not rush yourself. You must remain honest with yourself and do not run into someone else's arms for comfort. it is not fair to the other person, nor yourself.
This process can take months or even years, so do not rush yourself and freely give your emotions time to naturally work themselves out.

I am having a hard time sticking to a schedule but you must try to set a schedule and stick to it. It is easy to be sidelined by depression, so build a work, workout, eating and socializing schedule and stay on it. Emotions can be all over the place, but your life shouldn't.
Sometimes it is good to hear these things from someone going through it and/or went through it as well as studied it. I hope this can ease some of the pain it eases with me.
I am learning as I write and will continue to learn. If I feel something working, I will always share, if it doesn't I will give a warning of opinion.
If your relationship can be saved after the anger diminishes, then be adult enough to show your partner you want to save it. Pride is cute until you start losing things important.
Let me know how this works for you and please support my books. Contact me at
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More books to come.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Strength comes at times when one can least expect it.
Break-ups/divorces are incredibly hard and often they feel like a part of us is removed. It can feel like you have an empty feeling in your gut. Pain at times is inevitable but it is these moments that get us through life with a life lesson armed to make us better.
It is with great evaluation that you reflect back, not at the good times alone but at the moments that led to a relationships demise. Use these as a tool of bettering oneself. Even if you are the victim of a cheating partner, you can look back and see where you may went wrong or where things shifted into the wrong gear so to speak.
Own it, own every moment that you could have improved on and internalize it. These moments will make you better and increase your chances in your next union.
A better you makes for a better union. Take advantage of the time needed to build a better you. Do the things you always wanted to and invest in you. Do not rush into a situation without totally closing all doors of the last one. Through the pain, there will be healing. Through the tears, smiles will emerge. Through heartbreak, a stronger beat will sound through. Believe in a better tomorrow.
It is coming.