Monday, May 31, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been seeing this guy for 2 weeks and I really like him, I want to have sex with him and I know he wants to, I think he wanted to the moment he saw me but doesn’t all guys act like that? I don’t know what he is after and that’s why I haven’t gave it up yet but I don’t want to lose him if I don’t give it up. He says he really likes me and that he likes spending time with me but when he tries to go the extra step and I pull back I feel like he gets angry. Is that something all guys do because I know guys are into sex like that. What should I do? Thanks, Confused

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
You don’t have a dilemma that says whether you should or shouldn’t have sex with this guy but your real dilemma is how much self love do you have. You state doubt about this mans interests and his objective yet you lamely attempt to justify it by throwing him in an umbrella of what men are like. For the record, you are no man expert and are wrong to even think all men are the same way. You need to assess this as an individual situation, communicate and look at the signs you claim he has made as possible evidence for his motive. One can have sexual frustration but in a mere two weeks to show this frustration leads me to believe that he is definitely out for one thing. Give yourself time to ask yourself about the direction of this mere two week relationship and then convey this information with him to see where he stands. Pick up signs of disinterest, frustration or manipulation in this conversation. That will lead you to a smart decision. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I make my boyfriend more aggressive in bed? He is good and I love him but I’m really into more aggression. I like to have my hair pulled, I like to be spanked, I like to be submissive and told what to do. I try to introduce it to him by being aggressive with him so he can return it but he becomes submissive and that turns me off. What can I do?
From Sex Kitten

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sex Kitten,
First and foremost, I’m a big advocate of communication. I feel without it, nothing will be resolved and your situation is no different. You are showing him aggression with the expectation of him matching it, but maybe he read that sign wrong and assumed you wanted to be the aggressor and gave you that role. You have unwarranted expectations and should not fault him because your job is to always convey what it is that you want, need or like. This is not the most difficult tasks at hand. Just speak freely and express that you would like to reverse roles and see how aggressive he can get and that the mere thought of it turns you on. Explain to him your limits and how important it is that he does not cross them. Be receptive to his feelings as well and meet on common ground that you both can learn to love these acts together. Set the stage so to speak and walk him through verbally what turns you on, then begin the role. Hope this works out for you both.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I think I am in love but I don’t know, I have been with my boyfriend for a few months but I don’t know how I feel. I only loved one man before him and I don’t know how love is supposed to feel. Ok, let me explain, I know that I want him in my life always, I know that the thought of him not being in it hurts, I know that when we have disagreements I cry because I’m so hurt and hurt that he is hurt. He tells me he loves me and I feel like it is true. I feel like I’m so special with him. He goes all out to make me feel like I am the only woman in his eye. The problem is shouldn’t I feel exactly the same? Do I feel the same? I don’t even know. He says he isn’t expecting me to have the same feelings but I feel like it isn’t fair. Should I say it and then ill know if I feel it? Help me please. Thank you, Jackie

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Jackie,
I think that he should be commended for his maturity with his feelings of a selfless love and having no expectation of you matching his love. You are adding pressure where it is not warranted., He isn’t pressuring you for an answer or for you to find a definitive concrete definition for your feelings and in reality that’s a blessing. Take your time assessing your feelings. To me it sounds as love exists but never try to get a certain definition for the level of love. Love takes on many faces, many levels and has many places, don’t worry yourself to death over this and just show your appreciation. Don’t hold back anything you wish to say as long as it is honest. Do not say something hoping it comes into fruition because that’s lying and will ultimately bite you in the ass in the future. We all feel our own way about a situation and never can feel the exact same way at the same exact time. Those that profess to do so are usually lying. Feel free to take your time, he has given that blessing of time for you to go at your own pace. Good Luck with everything.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a happy man. I don’t know why I am scared though. I have been in situations that start out happy and usually end in my lady cheating or something bad happening. Now I am with a good woman and I cant help but wait for her to someone do what the others have done to me. I like this happiness, it really is something I dreamt of and I do everything I have to do to make her happy. Why cant I get it out of my head that she is going to do the same as everyone else?
Sincerely John Doe (not real name)

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear John Doe,
You are going to set yourself up to fail in this relationship if you do not learn to detach from your past. Each person is an individual and you are showing signs that you still need to heal. Most everyone has endured some form of heartache but the ones that move forward into healthy relationships are the ones that know that the one they are with is NOT the one they were with. Love who she is, admire what she shows you and reciprocate to the best you can. If you look for something long enough, you will find it, even though it doesn’t exists. You need to appreciate who she is and what she does and separate anyone before her from her. They should not have that much power in your present relationship. You owe your present girl much more than this. You owe it to yourself. Counter weaker thoughts with pleasant thoughts, every time you associate the past with expectations of negativity, immediately remind yourself of how wonderful this one is. Counter the weak with love. Never empower the evil and live to love. Good luck and please keep me posted.

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