Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I always read your postings and I feel like you are the only one that can help me with this. Here it is, my girlfriend was nagging me that she wanted a threesome with me her and another guy. After months, I gave in and decided that I loved her enough to make her happy and give her that fantasy of hers. The problem is that now I feel slightly disgusted with her. I see this over and over how easily she was sexing this guy and how she did everything we do and how she just submitted to him. I don’t feel sexually attracted the same and I do love her but I’m not sexually attracted anymore. What should I do? Thanks ahead of time “Love with no loving”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love with no loving”,
I wonder if you thought this out clearly before you engaged in this threesome. If this was her sexual fantasy, did you think she wasn’t going to be sexual? I’m sorry to hear that you feel the way you do but many times we don’t think clearly about the things we agree to. You did your girlfriend a gift in making this threesome possible, there is something good in knowing you did that but the concern is the direction of the relationship. With your lack of sexual participation or attraction, this relationship will slowly decline. Does she know how you feel? You must address this issue. You have to be clear and not demeaning. Remember that you also engaged in this act. After expression, I think you should consider professional relationship counseling because sometimes just expressing yourself won’t be so “healing” immediately. You do love her and don’t lose focus on that, do not allow one act to mask the love. Express that this could not happen again because of how you feel, also inject your fantasy. Make this about you both. Do not abandon love for jealousy or uncomfort. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My relationship has gone from juicy wet to desert dry. I’m not a nag because I know we both work different hours. But we have sex maybe once every week and it’s so quick and not passionate at all. I’m feeling like a quickie and I need more. What can I do about this? We both sleep at different times and when he is off, I’m working and vice versa. We need the money but I need the honey. Talk to me Mr. Lover Man. Thank you “Honey Needed”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Honey Needed”,
Time management is key in this situation. You guys are going to have to sacrifice long sleeps for shorter naps one day a week and in-between that time you can truly tire each other out. There is always time for each other; you just have to alter the comfort schedule. The football games, the night shows, whatever it is that you do in free time has to be sacrificed in order for you both to feel the passion resurfaced. Grab him as he walks in from work. You know what time he gets in, make sure you are up and ready, pin him to the wall and service his body. Kiss him over, touch him how he once loved it. Bring him to life and resurface that passion and make that desert a lake. During intercourse express your approval, tell him how much you miss and need this. Express how much you love to please him, take over and then submit, rock his world and then give him the energy to rock yours. Slowly but surely this will come back if you truly want it. You guys sacrifice for money, now sacrifice for that honey. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
This took me about two weeks to send you this. I am embarrassed about this but I need to get your advice. I have been having problems maintaining an erection. I don’t know what it is. My mind wants sex but my penis isn’t responding. I’m about to get some Viagra off the market, what do you think about that? I have a very understanding wife and she really tries to do anything to help. I please her other ways but I’m not ignorant, we discuss what’s missing. How can I get it back or should I get Viagra? Thank you from “Once Upon A Time”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Once Upon A Time”,
I do want to commend your wife for her loving patience and you must honor her always. However, I don’t doubt your devotion to her. In this society it does take a lot to converse about this let alone admit this is a problem. I’m glad that you did come forward and mention it. It’s the first step to fixing this problem. You should know that one in ten men have erectile dysfunction. 30 million men right now have that issue. You are not alone. Often men camouflage it or refuse to discuss it and kind of just hope it goes away. This adds stress and depression which is reported to be some causes of it initially. There are ways to try and fix this naturally without Viagra. Discuss this plan with your wife; give yourself about 3 weeks of a new diet and exercise. You must maintain a healthy weight. Being overweight, not even being obese, but being overweight can cause it. Neurological damages, arterial damages, and other medical issues can lead to it. Cut out fried foods, inject more fruits and vegetables. A Mediterranean diet is scientifically linked to lessen erectile dysfunction. If you are a smoker, quit today. Yes QUIT! Smokers have a higher chance of erectile dysfunction. Drinking alcohol can add to it. Either drink in slight moderation or cancel it in total. This is your investment for a greater sex life. Not to mention the mental boost you need to tackle your sex life. Follow a healthy diet and join a gym, make it your business to understand that better living health wise will give you the sex drive you either once had or something out of this world that you never had. Remain focused on the goal. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have this concern and I don’t know if I’m over reacting but my boyfriend spends too much time online on porn sites or phone sex texting. I always try to tell him how uncomfortable this makes me feel, is this cheating? He says it isn’t but I don’t get why he has to turn to those things. He says it keeps him creative and gives him ideas for us but I don’t feel like any thing has changed. I’m not getting any benefits. Can you tell me if this is healthy that he does this? And can you say if it is cheating. Thank you.. Not Sure

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Not Sure”,
There are two things going on here, the watching porn can be an issue. However, here are some things to consider, studies show that roughly 15% of about 60 million Americans who log on every day enter a porn site. In psychological studies the problem seems to arise when the individual spends at least 11 hours a week. There becomes a need for this cyber sex or porn sites to inject arousal in ones relationship and that’s not good. Porn can be used to assist or have fun with but when it becomes an addiction, distress follows. The need grows and it can take from his desire of you. This should be addressed in a concerned manner. Express how this makes you feel. Do not approach it in an accusatory manner but in concern. As for whether or not phone text sex and cyber sex is cheating, that’s up to you guys. Some relationships agree to not allow it. I know some that has and they have not issues with it. I think there is something wrong with it and it would be good if he was sex texting you but another person? That concerns me. In your case you are expressing to me a clear case of concern and this is what should be addressed. Do not accept it if you do not like it. One must consider both feelings and you need to feel comfortable in yours and your partner’s sexual world. Right now this isn’t happening and unless addressed accordingly, problems will continue to grow. Take time to relearn each others sexual desires. Take time to dig deep and try to learn something new about self and your partner. Overall you must put your foot down, if you can come to a common ground that’s healthy then that’s ok. If you can’t, then you must make serious decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I always wondered if you break up with someone, should you still try to be their friend? My ex girlfriend wants to be friends but then she is always brings up her broken heart or tries to use sex as a tool to resurface what is dead to me. Maybe I shouldn’t be having the sex with her but she gives it up easily so I just do it. I see this “friends” idea she has is a bad one. Should I keep trying to be her friend? Thanks “Friends”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Friends”
You really are a piece of work; often men like you never cease to amaze me with your rationale with sex. So basic and immature to have sex with her knowing she is emotionally involved, only to immediately cut her off. Your ex girlfriend is having a hard time detaching and shouldn’t be using sex as a tool to keep you guys together because that is just plain stupid. What’s equally stupid is the notion that it is ok to engage in this activity knowing she is hurt and acting desperate. Why don’t you honestly tell her what you feel? Tell her you guys shouldn’t be partaking in any sexual activities and that friendship this soon would not be best until there is a mutual detachment that would make a healthy friendship possible. Many couples try friendships because one party usually can’t detach and desperately needs some form of contact and the other feels sorry and goes along with it. This is not a friendship, it is a pity case. You need to finally step your maturity up and do the right thing by nipping this pity cry in the butt and give her time to heal. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
So I have been dating this guy for a few months and things between us were great. Great conversations, great sex life and we have tons of fun together. He asked me to be exclusive with him which I agreed to be and I couldn't have been happier.
A week after asking me to be exclusive things changed, he doesn't call anymore, I haven't seen him in a month and he keeps making excuses every time I try to visit him. I have texted and emailed him trying to find out what's going on but no straight answers. He keeps saying he is super busy and just don't have the time. He doesn't initiate any communication with me and of course I feel like a fool calling him and texting him to find out what's going on. Why do guys pull this disappearing act? And why can't they be up front with you so you know what's going on and if you should move on.
Should I just assume that it's over between us? What the he'll happened? Signed Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
The disappearing act is always one of the most confusing. It leaves one with questions unanswered and we always want answers, often answers we wish to hear. Some men (people in general) avoid because they aren’t mature enough to be honest. They feel they do not want to bear the responsibility of hurting the person or they just don’t care enough to give the respect warranted. Either way, you have to put yourself first in this situation and detach instead of waiting or trying to force answers by communication. He isn’t making you a priority, and then you need to make him obsolete. You are worth more and deserve better. You did your part and when you thought things were great he disappeared. Two things come to my mind and of course it could be many things but maybe he didn’t see it as good as you and maybe he was just going along with it until he found a way out by avoiding you. The second is maybe he got serious elsewhere and you were a pastime. No one ever wants to hear that but usually a man’s sudden departure and disappearing act is because of those two reasons. Whatever his reason does not matter as much as the fact that you need to put you first and you need to make it better for you. Eliminate contact in full, He doesn’t initiate contact anyway. That’s a clear message that he doesn’t wish to be bothered by you. Don’t focus on why he isn’t upfront. Take his message as a clear one. You deserve more. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Is it possible for someone to not be able to get over their ex after 5 years? My boyfriend had told me he wasn’t over her and was trying to get over her when we first met. We have been together now 5 months and it seems like he still is onto her. Lately he has been texting her, I haven’t stumbled across any warning signs that I know of but I have been feeling second lately. Would you date a person like that? Signed Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Attention… Attention!!! You said you have not stumbled across any warning signs? HELLO!!! He having contact with her as of late and still not being over her is a clear warning sign in itself. You guys have 5 months together and his primary goal seems to be reconciling something with her. This appears to be a clear case of having someone around because he doesn’t want to be alone and you are fitting the bill. You entering this situation was a risk you took, an unhealthy gamble that I would never recommend that. You have invested emotion in a situation where you appear to be the major investor while he is still occupied elsewhere. Once you feel second in your relationship, there is trouble in paradise and you need to communicate these feelings effectively. You have the right to convey this message and let him know what you find unacceptable and in doing so, allow him a moment to express his feelings too. You never know what you may find. Be firm in you stance but do not be too firm as to make this an argument and not conversation. Good luck and keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How do I heal from a broken relationship when he has someone else and he also lives directly across the street? How can I get over the pain of being cheated on and dumped, but then I see him so happy with her and its not like I deserved it. I thought things were good. I see him all the time. It seems like he isn’t bothered by this at all. He is already with someone else. How do you throw away 3 years? I was just dropped out of nowhere and he is not even taking anything to heart about what we shared together like nothing happened between us at all. I just don't understand how someone can do that, he seems so cold and heartless. Thank you from “Can’t Let Go”.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Can’t Let Go”,
You will never get over the pain because you are fixated on things that do not concern you. So what he got over you quick, so what he moved on. Boo-Hoo. Now are you going to just keep worrying about how he feels or focus on getting over it? It doesn’t feel fair when someone just dumps you but at this point he does not want to be with you and that is a clear message. It is always best to end something that doesn’t work instead of dragging it on. He may or may not be right but he made a choice he felt was best for him and it’s about time you do the same for you. You claim you want to get over it but you’re fixated on him; you need to be fixated on you. You need to realize your worth and you need to surface that. Take time to do things you weren’t able to do with him, find the things you love and engage in them. Stay busy and when thinking of that situation, remind yourself that his selfish inconsiderate self was not worth you time. This is not easy and often we make it harder on self than we should. What makes this particularly complex is the fact that he lives across the street. One thing you are not going to do is move. You are going to live forward and live knowing his decision was the best decision you never had to make. Now you need to make the decision of being better without him because I promise you, you are much better without him. There is no overnight solution here but staying busy and slowly detaching will assist efficiently. He is living his life, not living yours only hurts you. Good luck, please keep me posted.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need intervention. My husband of 12 years is always talking down to me and now I see that my 10 year old son is emulating his father and isn’t respecting me and I am so tired of it all. I try to put my son in his place but his father doesn’t help and I don’t know what to do. I just wish his father would say something. I feel alone. Help me. Thank you. “Mom with no place”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mom with no place”,
First thing, your name is a falsehood as you have an integral place in your home and in society. You are the backbone of this country and you need to feel that. There are insensitivities that many people impress upon us and it exists because we have allowed this for too long. I am very sure that this isn’t something that just happened and you have allowed this to fester and grow into what it is today. Can this change? Of course. How will it change? You will take a stand. You will sit your husband down and finally express the truths that your soul hides, you will demand his support, you will inject you authority and you will let him know how much his support means. Express to him how tired you are and that you can not stand for it any longer, even if it means you can’t be in this neglectful relationship. Express your hurt and your expectations. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. After you address your husband, then sit your son down and give him the new rules. You do not allow this behavior again. You impose reactions to his negative actions. You must express your love and how much hurt this is causing. You need to be honest and allow love in communication to save your family. You need to heal from within or you can’t be the backbone that this world needs. I wish the very best for you, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I wasn’t gonna even send this but with all this in the media about gay bashing I felt I should anonymously express my situation. I am a closet gay male and where I’m from this is not the most popular thing to be. I tend to pretend I’m not gay because people are not accepting of this lifestyle. I even pick on the gay kids with other bullies so that way they never pick on me. I’m tired and I want to come clean. The truth is I’m scared. I like to read your blog and I see that you are tough. Maybe that’s what I need so I am here. I wish I could just come out and the world was more accepting. I know my mama isn’t gonna be mad because her brother (my uncle) is gay and we love him. My mama is good and I am comfortable telling her but the only reason I haven’t is because it will spread. My mama is the project gossip lady but everyone loves her though. So what should I do? This is my last year in high school, do you think I should just wait and leave high school first? That’s my thought. Thanks for your opinion. Sincerely, “Trapped In The Closet”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Trapped In The Closet”,
I am aware of the horrific events that flood the media. I am glad you allowed that to push you to reach out. We live in a world where there will always be someone who is less than accepting of something we do or who we are at all times. That should never hold us back from being who we are or accomplishing goals of high magnitudes. You are in a situation that either way can be complex for a period of time. One, you can come truthful, release you soul, freely allow the world to know who you are truly and detach from those that are not willing to accept who you are because they are not good people. Not good enough to embrace people for whom they are and you do NOT need people like that in you life. You can opt for number two and that is to keep this a secret and live a lie, be a fraud, live in fear, walk on eggshells, help pick on people who need you, hang out with lame ass idiots who aren’t good friends and keep you soul imprisoned. You need to want to live free. People have died so you can make this a way of life. You have the right to exist freely. You need to see a school guidance counselor and dean before coming out, express your concerns and inform them of the activities going on. You can use this moment as a ground breaking moment. Be the change you want your school and world to have. You want to live free then step forward. You want to feel safe, then keep yourself circled with true people that are not ignorant and accept you as who you are. You want to counter the negativity you have spilled while cowardly hiding in your own prison, then make a pact and apologize. This must come from you. You have the power to be better and in doing so, empowering others to be better. Please live free. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know what it is about me but I am always the overlooked one of all my friends. I feel inferior and inadequate when we go out like if no one will pay me any attention and that usually ends up being the case. What can I do to shake this feeling? Thanks ahead of time “Invisible Man”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Invisible Man”,
The biggest reason is you. There comes a time when you have to lean who you are and that means the best you. The best you can stand in a crown with the best them. Anytime and always, but I do not know the best you because you effuse to let it surface. If you feel inferior then you will be inferior, if you feel inadequate then that is who you will be. How you feel seeps out your pores and is felt by others and if you don’t value yourself no one else will. You need to lean you, there is something great within and only you can let that free. You will be stuck and paralyzed to this feeling because you give it power. What are you going to do? What do you really want? Do you want to cry and wine and hope attention just falls in your lap or are you going to take control of the situation by taking control of your life? Those individuals are not better than you, the only thing is they know that no one is better than them so thy show it. No get up and show it. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m in a verbally abusive relationship. I know I deserve more (I read your blogs all the time) but the thing is my family loves my man. My friends think he is wonderful and I feel like he won over my entire circle. I want to go to someone but I feel like all my friends are now his friends and my family would take his side. Who do I run to? I can’t take it anymore. Help “Who Do I Trust”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Who Do I Trust”,
This is not a situation that is comforting, yet, neither is being the recipient of verbal abuse. You are not with this guy to please your family and friends, if they want him so much let them date him. You need to come forward because verbal abuse often leads to physical abuse and honestly, even if it doesn’t, it is still unhealthy, demeaning and unwarranted to receive this treatment. You need to start with your family. You will be surprised at how at times something like this can bring the bond back. You can’t battle this alone. Come forward and after going to family, you need to detach and depart from your abuser. Staying there gives him the power to keep you an emotional captive and forces you to be his verbal punching bag. Only you can make this change. Your friends are the least of the three concerns you express but ultimately express to them who this actor is, who this man is in front of them isn’t who he is when doors are closed. Your true friends will stand by your side, the frauds wont and you can charge eliminating the frauds to this experience. Communicate effectively to your family, friends and your abuser. Take a stand; let him know how this made you felt and why you won’t stand for it anymore. Do so with your family present, show your abuser force. Show him you are not alone and deny him any rationale for his actions. Nothing justifies this. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Dear M. Lover Man,

The man I’m involved with makes me feel unsure about what to call our situation. He is so passionate and pleasurable in bed. When we are there, I feel his involvement. He pours out so much and I know he has to feel something. It’s out the bed that I’m confused about. He isn’t as loving and we don’t really do much. It seems like when we do meet up we end up in bed but in the bed is where he expresses his passion. How can I get him to be passionate outside the bed? The mixed signs are driving me insane. Thanks. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
You have officially misled yourself from being the booty call to his girlfriend in your own world. Every time he meets up with you, its straight to the sack, every moment out of it isn’t worth discussing? That says booty call all over it. What happens here is that booty calls aren’t always so cut and dry. People tend to try to give communication or friendship and it dulls out everything outside the bed. You are misleading someone who is great in bed as more that just that. Just because he can make great love doesn’t mean he is the one for you to love. Now on the other hand, this could be all wrong. He could be very into you, but I doubt there is more substance than just a sexual connection. You need to very seriously sit this man down and clarify what this situation is. There should never be this much diversity between what happens in and out of bed. You need to hurry up and get clarity because I fear you have allowed great sex to mislead you. Be stronger than that and be more than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Is it every man’s job to be so darn confusing? I don’t get the guy I’m dating at times. We have been dating for 3 months and there are times that I feel like I’m the only one he has eyes for. Other times he is so occupied with his cell phone texting or conversation seems drifted. How do I know where I stand with this guy? He can be attentive but at times distant. I question those distant times to myself and wonder if he is thinking of someone else. I don’t ask because I am not even sure what we are. We never officially claimed one another as “a couple” but we have been dating for three months. I’m waiting on him to tell me what he wants but at this rate how will I ever know? Thank you. Confused Clarissa

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused Clarissa,
The biggest problem here is your lack of communication. You are sitting confused and haven’t doe anything to clarify your position. Although I doubt it is, but his busy on the texting could be business. I don’t really believe that to be the case but how will you know if YOU do not communicate. In these three months, how much do you even know about this guy without a good level of communication? You do not even know where you stand and I’m sure at this point your lack of communication can be interpreted as lack of interest for more. However, he is just as guilty for the lack of communication. You need to take control in finding your answers before you mislead yourself into a barrel of hurt. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
While my boyfriend was out of town on a business trip, I was invited to go to a party, feeling bored and lonely I went. I recognized some of his friends where there and started a conversation with one particular friend who stated he was interested in me and always has been...few hrs later and a few drinks we were in his car...so as to talk ...so I agreed. Well we made out in the car....we did not have sex. I said no to that...but he did "finger me". I did not have sex with him, but is it still considered as cheating even though he did what he did to me?? Am I wrong?? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
If I could grab you and shake you, you would be dizzy. Clearly you are not true to your boyfriend and he deserves that from someone. With that being said I will answer your question. YES it is cheating, not only did you have make out sessions but this man invaded your vagina with his finger and fingered you at will. The vagina of a woman that is in a relationship. Had your boyfriend went out and had a make out session with another woman who has expressed deep long secretive interests for years and she jerked him off, would you be happily accepting? Your wondering if this is cheating is a feeble attempt to try to rationalize your interest elsewhere or your inability to be a faithful, trusting woman. Putting yourself in the car with a man that has expressed interest is not wise and it just showed that you were interested. The noble thing to do is to come clean to your boyfriend and honor him enough to allow him the opportunity to decide if he wants to remain in such an untrusting situation. You are very wrong for what you have done and owe him this honesty. Good luck. Please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My girlfriend annoys me. I’m confused about something and it irks me. She is always talking about her ex-boyfriend lately and I’m wondering what’s up with that. I also notice that now she goes out and doesn’t respond to texts or picks up calls like before and then when she talks about this guy, I get upset. She then starts to show me loving when I’m mad. We usually end up having sex but then later on it still bothers me. Am I thinking too much or is she seeing this guy? Thank you for taking time out. Andrew

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Andrew,
You are clearly thinking more than communicating. Showing your anger is a form of communication but a weak one. One so weak that se with the female you should be having sex with diffuses it long enough for her to repeat the action. I can not say for sure whether or not she is cheating but the re-emergence of her ex into her world is definitely a problem, one that if you do not address, can and will hurt you. It seems to have already taken affect and you deserve truth and clarity. You will not get that because you do not ask for it. You need to effectively communicate and express how you feel about this. If it bothers you, say so. Don’t go pouting like a baby waiting for a pacifier. She ends up giving you one (her vagina) and you, just like a baby, accepts. Her time away without response is a red alert if this is a new action. If she has always been that way then you are clearly thinking too much, but if not, you should express your concern in that. Be effective and not accusatory, show concern and be honest always. Good luck and please keep me posted.