COMBATING THE MIXED MESSAGES.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I've been seeing this guy for 7 months now. We see each other about once a week or once every other week. He isn't ready for something serious, but has been there for me when I've needed him. Sometimes I feel like I would like something more with him, but he shuts down when I bring it up. I know he's going through some financial hardship and things are unstable for him. I have also noticed when I'm out he seems insecure about it. I get pursued by other men all the time. I'm not ready to move on to the dating scene just yet. What would you suggest? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

There are things here that could possibly be happening that haven’t been communicated. The societal stigma that because one is male, one must be a huge financial supporter could be weighing heavily on him. The mention of his financial hardship rang a bell with me. There are times that men are hesitant in engaging in exclusivity due to financial hardships because let’s face it; it does cost to be in a relationship. Even if both parties bring to the table, it is still a societal stigma for the male to bring more. Now I do not and never will agree with this foolish rule but maybe he does. Communicate with him and find out what it is that he wants. Don’t bring up anything that you want in the beginning. Allow him to express what it is that he wants pressure free. His insecurity about you going out can mean one of numerous things. He may actually want more and is unable to feel he can (due to financial reasons). He may have been though something in the past he has not gotten over and you’re going out triggers that moment. Clear things with him; communicate effectively and with consideration of his feelings. Should his unwillingness to step forward for be much clearer, then you have to accept and make a decision. Should you wish exclusivity and to settle and he doesn’t, then you will need to invest elsewhere. You need to be happy and do not need mixed signals nor do you need to hold onto something that will never be. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I’m dating this girl who is giving me mixed messages. When we are alone, she lets off this incredible attentive aura that shows me where we are headed. When we are out in a group setting, she always mentions how she isn’t ready to settle down with anyone. It’s very contradictory to everything we discuss or how we act when we are alone. I don’t even know if I have the right to address this because I guess we aren’t solely seeing each other according to her words when we are with friends. What should I do? Thanks in advance. “John Dough”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “John Dough”,

This entire situation wreaks “immaturity” on her part. This is just one of those people that ae still impressing their friends or the general public without realizing the things they lose in doing so. This is such a classic childish act. However, you have the absolute right to question the position you both play in each other’s lives. Do not feel that her contradictory expression amongst friends removes your position. You have the right to know where you stand and what the expectations are of this position. The lack of exclusivity doesn’t remove the fact that you are investing time. Communicate how you feel and what you wish for. Should you both be on two completely different wavelengths, then you need to consider making a decision on whether you will hang around (which isn’t the best at times), dating others or just completely moving forward in a different direction from hers altogether. Whatever it is that keeps her from wanting more is something she has t tackle and not something you mislead yourself into thinking you can “cure”. Seek truth and accept it. After accepting the truth, make a choice. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My situation is confusing. I’m with this guy that treats me like a Queen but I can’t get him to commit. It’s like every time I speak about taking it to the next level of just us dating; he tells me he isn’t ready. Why would he treat me so well if he wasn’t ready? His actions make me think he is ready but his words are strong in saying no. Should I even wait until he changes his mind or should I date other people too?  What do you think? “Female That’s Ready”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Female That’s Ready”,

This could very well be a typical situation of a male who is not just treating you this way but others. It’s not hard to do so and this could be his way of suspicion being minimal or non-existent. The thing here is that he is not ready because he could be elsewhere. The key here is to communicate your expectations, should you have any and to find out his. Be clear as to whether you guy are expected to date others as well and what are the willing possibilities. I never believe in hanging on to something that won’t be. I’m a firm believer in communication as an effective tool/weapon and its constant utilization throughout the process and not just when relationships hit a wall. You make your next steps in accordance to where this one moves. Should this relationship be exactly where its ever going to be then you need to make a decision. If there is more coming, then give more as it comes. Good luck and keep me posted.

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STEP-PARENTS: WHEN IS IT TIME?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am in a great relationship that hits a snag. This snag is my girlfriend’s 7 year old son. The child is a good, well behaved child but does not warm up to me. I tried extending myself in a manner that I felt was safe and somewhat warming but this child does not even talk to me. I really do not know what to do. I found myself pulling away and not knowing what to say when I visit them. I really want this to work, please help me.

Signed respectfully, “A good man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “A good man”,

This is such a common situation and I want to take this time to applaud you for your attempts and your position and where you want this to go. It is not easy for a child to warm up to the man who has just imposed into his world and has snatched attention from the most important person in his life. I’m not sure if the child has a strong bond with his biological father but that can also play a role. It will take time and in this time, try to find out all the little things that he likes. Go out as a trio and see his favorite movies, plays, game halls, etc., and you will slowly see the ice melt. He needs to feel safe and can’t feel second in his mom’s world. He needs to often be reassured that you are not coming in to make things difficult. A child cannot be expected to have the same clear understanding of the situation as the adults present in the situation. It is your job to ask yourself how much do you want this and should it be more yes than no, then you have to allow patience to be your best friend. I have seen the successes in these stories and would love to know that yours is also one. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do you know if you can bring someone around your child? I have been dating this loving man for four months and we have been in such awe of one another. I am seemingly falling in love and he has expressed similar feelings but a little a bit stronger. He has expressed interest in meeting my daughter and I have never let any man meet my daughter because I am very protective. Will this ruin the relationship if I wait too long and when will I know I can trust him? Thank you so much Mr. Lover Man, from Momma Bear.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Momma Bear”,

It is great to protect our children and that is something that all parents should pride selves in. Your situation is one that many parents dating ask themselves. You should engage in conversation with you daughter and set up dialogue. Allow her chance to prepare for the moment when she meets someone new. Remind her of her position and how this is an addition and not substitute.

As for your boyfriend, you will know when the time is right when you start to daydream of moments of you three co-existing in such a wonderful manner. Those moments that you can visualize how great it can be because of how great he is to you and when you stop that thought and you feel you miss it although it hasn’t happened, then you will know it is the right time. Make sure you have a deep detailed talk about this, fully understand how he feels and do not irrationally impose expectations on him that is not fair. Your daughter is first but she is not only, you have to remember that this is new for everyone and you will be the facilitator, so to speak.

As for your concern about the waiting process being a negative, well it can be. Not definitely but one may wonder the level of seriousness if one can never fully enter his partner’s world. I have a feeling that is not the issue here but in conversation, reassurance and a request of patience is reasonable. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I never had a good relationship with my step-dad. He was real military and not emotional. He really was nice to my mom and was a complete heel to me and my brother. Ok, so here we are up to date, my girlfriend has a child and she knows I had nothing but bad memories with my step-dad because I told her. Now she thinks I may not have the ability to be a good step parent if the time comes to meet her son. I am not a bad person and I don’t think that it’s a picture that should be painted about me. How can I change her from thinking this way? It’s not fair for me. Thanks. “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

Your yesterday should not ever be held over your head, especially when you are too far ahead into today. You have to remind her of who you are and tell her that because of your experiences that you actually know what it feels like and could never inflict upon another. Your story of yesterday can’t change who you are and your willingness to share is commendable. Make sure you communicate, not in a defensive manner, but in the honest way that you can. You must continue to present who you are and respect her position to take precaution to protect her son as any honorable parent would. She didn’t break up which clearly means that she is still on board. Have patience and communicate. Never shy from being you and allow her time to see once again how great you are. Good luck and keep me posted.

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SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS & THE RESPECT YOU DO NOT GET

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need your help like yesterday. I am married but I got caught up into a relationship at work with a supervisor and now it’s beginning to affect my relationship at home. My supervisor doesn’t want more than sex but he is somewhat reckless with his communication and my husband is beginning to catch on. How can I ease my way out of the one at work & fix my relationship at home without ruining my chances of productivity at work? Respectfully Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place”,

First thing is that in you search to slide your way out of sleeping with a supervisor, you neglect the disrespect and lack of regard to your husband. Your decision to cheat and lie has placed you in a situation with a supervisor who does not respect you as his actions show with his clear disrespect to your marriage at home as his form of communication is reckless. He does not care about whether you get caught or not because he has power over you and you are too weak to confront it. You rather risk hurting you husband who probably is supportive and loving than confront your supervisor about his blatant disrespect of your home. You are a weasel of the worst kind, however, there is a way to change this position you are in.

First thing you have to do is let your supervisor know the importance of your marriage (if that truly exists) and why the situation you have with him can no longer exists and anything outside of professionalism is on zero tolerance. If this is not something the supervisor will accept, any conversation further than that should be recorded without his knowledge. You will need to cover yourself as all too often, when the female the boss is screwing gets boring or wants to return home, it has been reported to not settle well with the power mongering boss.

Do something amazing for your husband, as a matter of fact, be amazing for you husband, more so for yourself and focus all the extra marital sex on your husband. You need to grow up and make mature decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I feel played and humiliated at work. My boss is a dog and I fell into his chauvinistic ways. Here is my story: My boss came across as a charming man, someone respectful and always complimenting me. I really thought he was different and after a month of relations it seems like he is doing the same exact thing he did with me to the new girl and I am beyond livid. I can already sense how others are looking at me and I am humiliated. I want to confront him, no, I want to rip his head off and key his car but I can’t afford to lose my job. Please help me. Thank you, “Used”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Used”,

There is not much that can be done other than embrace the fact that he played you so now focus on moving forward. It’s not easy and I understand how humiliated you feel but ultimately you have to work in that environment and you need to do what you must to further educate yourself to qualify for a higher position and be the example for change. You can use your experience to help others; you can take what you have learned and move forward. Unfortunately this is too common at the workplace and something that will not just simply stop as the power given with title is abused in many ways. You will have to learn to protect yourself from further advances from males at the workplace as once it is known, usually others hone in to try and take advantage of what can be labeled the “easy girl”. You need to focus on why you were hired and what it is you have to do at work. Don’t try to be anything other than a hard worker.

It is known that 17% of women have slept with their bosses and only about 30% felt any type of benefit. Most of the time it is the boss using the position as a degrading means to sex whomever they feel will fall for it. You need to focus more on the best you and do not allow this dirtbag to determine your worth. Do not run from the topic and do not give him any other attention outside of the professionalism to co-exist. Other than that, never lose sight that he is a scum bag who is not in the department of change. You need to focus on being in that department. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am the President of a particular company and I find myself fantasizing about the secretary. I do not wish to be labeled as one of those with power who use this power to sleep around. I am a respectable man whom has taken strong pride in working my way up by sweat and lack of sleep. I am influenced to remain shy of engaging with those lower on the hierarchy of the work ladder by my peers. I am not one that has been known to become easily swayed by others but I can see how this looks. Is there anyway to approach this without being labeled and without causing a stir? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

No, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and anyone who thinks otherwise is so far removed from reality, you should give them crayons to dram their next steps in life. The truth is that the labels are there, a secretary sleeping with the boss is never equal and never respectable. As long as one person possesses power over the other whether status or genuine power, there is no equality, which is why Doctors or Lawyers should never sleep with their patients/clients. One person has entered the relationship with more power over the other and this will forever remain as such. I don’t know what type of relationship you are seeking but do not mislead yourself or her. Should you choose to pursue this, do so for reasons genuine to self and never lose sight of who you are. Remain the President of the company that sweated profusely and slept little to hold a position to make a difference. Do not allow a situation like a work fling to destroy that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

MR. LOVER MAN ADDS:

Sleeping with the boss is something that has been age old. Far less has truly benefitted and often those that have, in some form or fashion has been labeled accordingly (ex: Monica Lewinsky). The best way to succeed is to earn it and never compromise who you are for a short cut that could end by keeping you labeled and forcing higher ups to never respect you enough to give you a chance for growth at work. Be the best you at all times because your work fling is not a secret, men at work talk more than women at work and that’s often because men at work feel they can. More men are at power and hold status in this world than women and that’s by a huge margin. 60& of men and 70% of women lose respect for you in that situation. Much blessings to all and earn yours off your back. Much respect.

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BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR...

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been married for 4yrs been with my husband for a total of 10yrs, we have a son that is 4yrs old. We got married when I was 7mths pregnant; it was the right thing to do. I knew that this man wasn't my soul mate, but he was/is very good father and a very good man. Starting two years ago I got very close with a man from work, which is also married. He pursed me till he finally got what he wanted, between all that times we fell in love, he left his wife twice and I finally gave in and asked my husband to move out. We have such a great connection and we are alike in so many ways. Things got a little crazy when his wife found out. She threaten him with his son, so after my husband moved out we kept on being with each other, until eventually his family found out about us, made him feel guilty about breaking up my family. To make a long story short, he went back to his wife, my husband never found out; I was very much depressed after his decision that I ended up 3 months after he left me to move in with my husband. It’s very complicated because we still work together, and we have tried to stay away from each other but didn't work. He still wants to be friends we haven't done anything sexual in 5months but just kiss and stuff at work. How do I separate myself from him? How do I let go? “Lost”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lost”,
Before I get into the heart of your question, I am under the impression that you felt getting married because you were pregnant was the right thing to do and it is not. Marriage and pregnancy are not related. The union of marriage is between two people that parenting doesn’t share. Knowing he wasn’t your soul mate and still getting married was a clear sign that someone (you most likely) would stray elsewhere, risking breaking the heart of innocent people (your husband/his wife). To add in that the type of man that pursues another married woman while being married doesn’t really say soul mate to me, but, I have heard of weirder things.
With that being said, I will address your question… Letting go is not always easy for many and an emotional affair is not a simple case of “goodbye, I’m over it” as some people believe that we maintain problems because they give us identity. You can start by identifying with what that relationship has given you, one being alone and depressed. He will not choose you over his family and his actions made that clear. Just because friendship sounds cute, doesn’t make it necessary. Would a friendship with him benefit you in any degree? Probably not and that’s what you should focus on when your mind swivels doubt in your head. You should learn to un-romanticize the way you view him and realize you are worth more. The fact is that someone out there (possibly your legal husband) will be the one you were meant to settle with. Take whatever good you can and walk forward and look at the heartbreaking & depressing points as tools of education on how to not accept or engage in future situations. You may have to be forward in communication and express that it is best that you both do not engage any matters that are not professional and not alone. Always remember that letting go is love (for self) and hanging on is clingy attachment. Good luck.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I met this guy and I know he has a reputation for dating quite a few women but something about our connection when we are in each other’s presence that felt so real. My friends warned me of him but I have to make my own decisions and I went to pursue him. He was such a gentleman until I gave up the goodies to him and all of a sudden he started to act somewhat distant. Could he be looking somewhere else or is it something I did? I really am into him but he isn’t letting me get the chance to really know him and him to know me and see that I am a great woman. What should I do? Thank you Mr. Lover Man, “Hopeful”.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Hopeful”,
First thing I want to say is that you clearly got exactly what you asked for. Now I am not saying bad should happen to anyone, what I am saying here is that you knew what type of person he was, you did not give yourself any time to learn who he was other than him bedding many women and now you got confirmation on that part. You have to learn people before you invite them between your legs. As for if this is him looking elsewhere or something you did, I’ll say both is a strong possibility of co-existing as reasons. You gave him nothing to remain for as you gave up the sex as a short term goal way too quick. He doesn’t know you enough to remain interested in learning you because the initial physical attraction was conquered. You have to offer more to keep a man around. It is his fault because he is not ready for one woman. He continues to go on these sexual conquests and women like yourself or even the unsuspecting ones sadly fall into his clutch. I don’t see how you are really into him when you really do not even know him. You need to stop misleading yourself. There is absolutely no reason to try and pursue this issue long enough and you need to learn from this and move forward. Good luck and please move forward.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What makes a man realize he has a good woman and changes his ways? This man I have been seeing for a while was separated from his wife. He told me they were going through a rocky situation and he needed to focus on him. We ended up seeing each other as I noticed he was not giving his wife time, I felt this was a way for me to step it up and give him the care he needs. Things were going good and all of a sudden he decides that he is going to try to make it work with his wife. Where does that leave me? Why doesn’t he see that I am a good woman and would not do him wrong? Answer this please. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
There are things here you do not seem to get. Please have a seat. You question the man’s ability to see whether he has a good woman or not but what if he has and that’s why he is working it out with his wife. I’m not questioning whether you are a good woman or not but just saying you are not the only one. You entered a situation with the most common line that some males use when they are either cheating on their wives or whether they are separated but only wish to return to their wives. Going “through a rocky situation and needed to focus on him” had nothing to do with plans of you. You slowly misled yourself (without communication) into this situation assuming there was more. You needed to be a better communicator and in reality, you needed to avoid this situation until he was sure where he stood. Nonetheless, this is a learning experience for you and I hope that if you are faced with this situation ever again, you can look back and run. He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him. Good luck.

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CAN SOCIAL MEDIA STRAIN A RELATIONSHIP?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Here it is, my girlfriend is always upset when I’m on Facebook. She doesn’t see me doing anything wrong but is always upset assuming someone wants me. How can I get her to see that I am just connecting with old friends I haven’t seen in years and that it is not what she thinks? P.S. I do not get upset when she is online at all. Thanks from: A guy punching keys.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “A guy punching keys”,
There are some things to consider here, one being the amount of time taken from your relationship being spent on social media. This is something that may cause trouble and is increasingly an issue in today’s relationships. Now what you and your girlfriend determine too much and enough time is something you both should come to terms with. If you are neglecting your girlfriend for social media then you need to re-evaluate that. However, she may be the jealous, insecure type and there are ways to show her that her suspicions are completely wrong. Have you or are you planning to meet any of these old friends? If so, you should plan a bigger gathering for a few of these long lost friends and ask that they bring their partners for a semi night out/reunion type of thing and you bring your girlfriend. This can and usually does ease a lot when not only they see the woman you chose but your woman sees that they have chosen elsewhere as well.
This is not a fool proof remedy but it has worked before. You have to communicate to your girlfriend in an honest and effective manner her position in your world and the position these friends are in. It is nice to re-connect and we all know friendships are important. There should be a compromise on that but you must in all of your best efforts try to understand how your girlfriend feels and she should be considerate to your feelings as well. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My boyfriend and I clearly both have trust issues because of our past. We both admitted that we've been cheated on and have very hurtful ex relationships but we're committed to each other, until I made a small mistake. A hiccup I want to call it. My ex boyfriend requested me on Facebook. Stupid me, I accepted it on a whim but took all but 5 minutes to realize what I did wasn't right. I unfriended him right away. But in that 5 minutes, it popped up on my boyfriends news feed just as he was browsing the site during his lunch break. He mentioned it to me the weekend it happened and we spoke of it briefly. 2 weeks later, a night together felt distant with him and when we started to talk about it, he mentioned that the incident has been on his mind ever since. Basically, he told me he trusted me before, but now that this happened, he said we should slow down and take it day by day. I told him I would never go back to my ex or communicate with him because I am very happy with my current boyfriend. I got so emotional to a point where I opened up a lot, cried then continued to tell him that not only was I cheated on, my ex got another woman pregnant and he used me for money and car rides. My boyfriend became emotional as well and cried. 3 days later, I feel distant from him but I'm told by friends I need to give him space. I'm scared to lose him and I'm scared it will be because of something as small as Facebook. I'm going through millions of thoughts and I'm just so confused. Give him space or keep telling him how much I care about him? Help! Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This situation is not a complete disaster. There has to be steps taken, things will not solve itself overnight and you have to be an effective communicator. I don’t think space is required unless it is something he is adamant about. It is important that you express how you feel without constantly running your story about your ex to the ground. Men really don’t want to hear that when you guys are going through things. Sometimes women think by bad mouthing or talking up the bad things of the ex, that it will somehow ease the situation but it doesn’t. Men view it as you not being able to let go. This situation is not usually a deal breaker and if you guys are really involved, I believe you can work through this. Be honest and determined to expressed your feelings for your man as opposed to your disdain for your ex, it isn’t related and shouldn’t be brought up together.
He has insecurities and trust issues and no matter what he said about him trusting you, it isn’t met by action. You guys need to really talk about where you stand and how badly this has dented his perception. The world of social media at times can be intrusive if allowed and can be harmless in the same light. Good luck.








Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My man always have bitch fits like he gets mad over petty shit and it’s like he can do stuff and I can't like. Check this out, on twitter an individual had this thing on there about big girl appreciation day and that he would retweet (re-post) the best looking girl so I told my boyfriend about it and told him I submitted and the individual retweeted (re-posted) my picture and he just got upset and said “see that's what I'm talking about” and then there was silence the whole night and the next day which is today still haven't talked to him. What should I do? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
There seems to be a big wave in effects as to how upset people are getting due to the injecting of social media activities in one’s life. There was a time when it was all fun and games and now there seems to be a huge seriousness to it. I think that what has happened with social media in general is that it has become a large medium for advertising, dating and so forth. So much that every year people are leaning more and more too online dating and there are more commercials on the internet than your very own television. With that being said, there is a subconscious seriousness to social media and even though so many people say things like “It’s just Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, etc” that isn’t really an overall vote. In your situation there needs to be a sit down and both sides need to express communication as to the level of importance in your actions. Many men do not find comfort in his woman voluntarily submitting photos to some random individual you do not have a personal friendly relationship with. Many times it is perceived as reaching for attention or offering of self. Now, I’m not saying that is the matter here but it is how many men perceive it. Many times individuals who pose these social media “acts” are just looking for means to exploit women on social media and either makes fun of or brag about the pictures they collect. Rarely is it to give props or show a high level of respect to the woman submitting the photo and these are the thoughts that some men allow to be injected into their minds and it gives them that attitude you complained about.
Now this may not be a big deal to you but in a relationship it isn’t only about you, it’s about you both and you need to hear him out and find out exactly what it is that’s going on in his head. Effective communication is always key and when at times people do get into those fits of silence, timing is very relevant. You can always ask to discuss his and your feelings but even if both of your positions are completely different with perception on social media, you have to both respect each other. Good luck, let me know what happens.

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BOY MEETS GIRL, BOY KISSES GIRL, BOY LEAVES GIRL CONFUSED

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I had my eye on this guy for quite some time. He is a looker. Every time I laid eyes on him I wanted to throw myself at him. One day I sucked it all in and approached him, we spoke and he was such a gentleman. I felt like he was preoccupied at times but when he looked at me, I felt so beautiful. I gave myself to him and all of a sudden he is too busy and hardly returns my calls. What’s up with that? Why are men so inconsiderate and uncaring?
From Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
First thing, if you think men are so inconsiderate and uncaring, maybe you should ask yourself why is that you attract those types of men. You walked into this situation acting like he was water and you were stranded on a desert. In the very beginning there was an indication that something may be wrong with him being preoccupied and instead of trusting instinct, you walked with your eyes. One thing I wonder is when he looked at you did you feel beautiful because this guy you were lusting after looked at you are because you misled yourself to think it would be more? This often happens and then people place all the blame on the other person. You gave yourself up sexually in what probably is not his respectable viewing timeline and he probably was a scumbag who took what you offered and was no longer interested. As cruel as that may sound, it is real life and you need to carry yourself a bit more respectable and learn someone before you let them dive into the ocean. Verbal and non verbal body languages are key in knowing where he would have stood. You can’t blind yourself to the point that you compromise the better you for a moment. You can try to communicate how you feel and what it is you wish but you have to be honest with yourself and prepared to accept his truths. In actuality, at this point, his silence has spoken volumes. Good luck, keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My friends think there is something wrong with me because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Is that really a bad thing? I mean I know I haven’t been doing exactly the best when it comes to meeting guys. I give too much too fast and then they lose interest. How do I change that? Lots of thanks, Melissa


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Melissa,
Giving your all isn’t a weakness, but the timing can be. It’s good that you are a good person but one thing is that when you are in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, you have to always be cautious. You have to embrace this as the “learning phase” and not the “what can I do for you phase”. A key is to not go too far from who you are and where your life is for another. Stay in your comfort zone, don’t enter his just yet. Make him earn that with displayed interest. Being caring isn’t something I expect you to turn off, but the steps to allowing someone in your world can be altered. Life is yours, make it that way. If he has interest, he will allow himself to be paced respectfully. You have a made a life without the next guy, don’t abandon that to try and make him smile. Your world should be part of why he smiles. Be smart, learn him. Good luck, keep me posted on your next endeavor.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I get a man to open up from the beginning? I feel like by the time I do, he is ready to walk. What is it men want besides sex? I meet men and it never lasts and I’m going to be in my 30’s soon and I would like to find the right one. Thanks for the help. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Comfort brings comfort and in trying to seek that you just have to be yourself and if he isn’t comfortable with you being you then it’s on to the next one. As for what men want outside of sex, the first thing is an open minded woman that knows that a real man doesn’t want just sex. Another thing that isn’t so known is that men focus on the activity that produces emotions instead of emotions that produce activity and that’s why it seems men are into only sex. Men want women that know what they want and are independent without being bitter. Men want a confident woman who isn’t trying to challenge his manhood but empowered by her womanhood. Men want a partner and not a constant instigator or interrogator. Being competitive is cute but men don’t want to always compete, they prefer support emotionally and a partner. Men can confuse intensity with intimacy at times and good men aren’t afraid to lead when needed, but will also take charge at other moments. As for your age issue, do NOT ever compromise because you feel a clock is running out. You are still very young and as a young adult, you have time to seek within and see more of yourself to surface that will attract good men. These other guys you can’t keep cant only be their fault and you need to self analyze before you go men shopping. The key to finding Mr. Right is by being yourself and being the best you, which is Mrs. Right. Good luck and keep me posted.

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BREAKING UP: IS THERE AN EASY WAY?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do I break up with my boyfriend without hurting him so much? I am not interested any longer in this and it isn’t like he is a bad person, I just don’t want to force myself to stay when I’m not happy. HELP ME PLEASE.
Anonymous Jane.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous Jane”,
Is there a way to break up with someone in a relationship where emotions are invested and no one gets hurt? Absolutely not, however, you have to not wear the responsibility of another’s feelings and come to terms with the fact that you are being honest with yourself and the other. With that being said, do not be childish about it, be gentle, be honest and be humane. There is an emotional investment, so do this with grace and remember that you’re soon to be ex boyfriends feelings are in part from his belief system, you have your own and he has his. This helps ease the guilt of hurting another. The fact of the matter is, someone will be hurt, but you cannot wear that all the time. You need to find your inner peace with moving on and gently ease out with respect because he has feelings too. Good luck and please keep me posted.






Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My man just broke up with me and I’m really hurting from this. I feel like if he heard me out he would change his mind and see that I’m the one for him. Why don’t guys listen when you telling them things they need to hear? From Broken Heart


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Broken Heart”,
Break-ups are not the easiest thing to deal with but they are not impossible either. The problem here is that it isn’t the guys that aren’t listening to the things they “need to hear”, it’s you that isn’t listening to what is needed to hear and that’s the fact that your ex is not willing to be with you any longer. Sometimes the one you want is not the one for you and when you are hurt, things aren’t as clear as when your emotions settle down. Do not take this relationship like a reflection of self worth because just because two people are not compatible doesn’t mean one is worth less. Utilize your time, take this time to work on doing things you have wanted to and just never got around to doing. Sometimes these breaks in life is a transition phase, testing one to enhance strength and giving the ability to invite something new in one’s life. Take advantage. Be mature about how the world of relationships work and you will see that not all last but as long as you got something to carry forward from it, it was a success in education. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m in a position where the only option is breaking up with my woman. I know she is going to be upset and I don’t want it to be that way but I have been unhappy for a long time and I am taking from my life being with her. I don’t want to be like other guys that broke her heart but I’m not happy. I care and want to do it the easiest way possible. How do I do it? Mr. Sunday Morning


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. Sunday Morning”,
Despite the name, this is not easy like Sunday morning (Lionel Richie if you didn’t know). Ok, back on track, there is no way to do this without eliminating hurt, especially if this is a pattern for her. However, it is not your job to place blame at all or to make her feel diminished in her life position. I appreciate you wanting to ease the pain and often the best way is to be caring and honest, however, not brutal to the sense that you become accusatory and place blame. You can say something like “The connection between us is no longer there” as opposed to “You don’t make me happy”. Be a gentleman about things and often people say “Just tell me straight up” and when you do, things fall apart. The reality is you are being straight up; you’re just not being an asshole about it. You are considering her feelings and only letting the reasons it isn’t going to work without placing blame be known. Good luck and let me know how it turns out.



Mr. Lover Man,
My girlfriend left me and we were together for almost three years. I was down for about three or four days and I thought I would be down a lot longer but I’m not. Is that normal? From: Luis


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Luis”,
Some people believe that the time one is together is an automatic rule for length in getting over a break-up and that is never true. Each person and individual is different. A lot of this arises from need or unfulfilled needs in childhood and how clingy people become and the level of attachment in an individual. You getting over it fast don’t make you other than normal nor does it mean that you valued it less; it simply is about the character within and the life factors that have contributed to this. I wouldn’t kick myself in the rear about this, now had it been reversed and you were down in an extensive period, then I would recommend seeking help about that. Luis, live your life and be the best you always. Good luck.

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UNWANTED: THE EX.. $0 REWARD.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend gives me signs that she isn’t completely over her ex. She talks about him when we are watching movies. She will bring him up and say “Oh we did this before” and she still texts/calls him daily. She claims they are friends but this is everyday and I’m very uncomfortable and losing feelings. What should be my next move? Thank you for your advice “John”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “John”,
This is where communication and true expression of your feelings are a must. Sit her down, do not wait until it happens again but sit her down and express your feelings about the situation. I never see the relevance of calling and texting an ex daily. That is a clear sign that there still exists feelings that can threaten your relationship, however, this also shows that your partner may not be ready to be in a committed relationship. These are things you have to clearly express. You should not be subjected to having to “live with” her ex every day of your relationship. That’s not fair and it is not healthy for the progress of your relationship.
The thing that gets me about these situations is that you have went on quietly without expressing yourself that it is almost like you indirectly condoned the actions. Do not forget to tell her what this is doing to your feelings in this relationship. You both have to make a mature decision about where you both stand. Maybe she feels it is ok and will not budge on the topic. If that is the case then you need to make a decision that will make you happy. Weigh out the options but never compromise your happiness. The ex is the ex and you are the current. I think it is nice if people can break up and remain friends but daily calls and texts are absurd. That isn’t healthy at all. Stand firm but caring in your stance. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not feeling good about the situation I’m in. My man and his ex are hanging out once a week and always chatting it up on Facebook and whatever else they are doing. At first I tried to overlook that because I’m not a jealous type of lady but it’s going too far. When my ex contacted me to be friends, my man was not happy so I cut ties. He won’t even cut his for me and I feel like he still loving his ex. I don’t like this and don’t want to come off like I’m jealous, what do I do? “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Often when you have a feeling that something is going on, it just might be. When your partner worries about you and your ex being friends, which gives a clear sign that they worry something may happen because of how possible it could happen with him in his situation. You need to stop him in his tracks and talk to him. You have the very right to express your feelings, not in an accusatory manner, but in the matter of concern and to allow your honest feelings to surface. Do not worry about coming off jealous because as long as it is your honest concern and feelings that you are explaining then any civil individual would understand. One of the biggest cancers to a relationship is the relationship of the ex-boy/girlfriend. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m confused about where I want to be. I am starting to have feelings for my ex again. Ever since she reached out to me on FaceBook and we have been chatting, I feel like we can get past the things that broke us up. She has been trying to get with me but I have a girl. I told her this and she really is making changes to make it right. I love my girl but I still love my ex. Now I don’t know who I really want. My question is, how will I know which one is the one I want? “Mr. No Name”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. No Name”,
This confusion you claim is entirely your fault. When one of both of these females becomes hurt, it is entirely your fault. The problem with many people (you included) is that they assume that moving on to another relationship is the key to getting over the last one and it is not. You should have either made the final attempt to fix things with your ex or took sufficient time to get over it before you entered another relationship. The notion that you have allowed your ex back in to make these attempts, even though you are involved makes you some off like an inconsiderate asshole. Have you no care for you current partner? One should never allow the chase of another when in a committed relationship. You should have remained as firm as you wished your partner to be in the same situation had the roles been reversed. Now you have to own up to these actions and step forward honestly to your partner and tell her where you stand. You asked how will you know, well you wouldn’t have to ask if you knew, which clearly shows that it is you that isn’t ready for the committed relationship. You may need more time to settle things within before you invite someone into your world for inevitable heartache. You have to be honest first with self and then to the others. This situation is going to hurt someone, it is best to step forward now before the hurt deepens. Good luck, keep me posted.


Signs that your partner isn’t over the ex: One good sign is that they keep mementos to always reminisce out and to always hold on to. It is not healthy if your partner has these mementos posted publicly while in another relationship. Those are definitely red lights going off. Another sign is the increase of contact, which is not something that should be happening, especially while in a relationship with another. There are other signs such as saying their name when speaking to you, over usage of the ex’s stories or the comparison’s of the ex with you or anyone. Someone unwilling to talk about the ex at all is also a sign that they are not over the ex. Some people avoid the discussion people they can’t bear to talk about it without feelings arising.


Do not accuse or assume, instead express concerns of your personal feelings. This can always be worked through if both partners are committed to making it work. This can and will only work with communication. Allow your partner to feel as if this isn’t your feelings against them but instead it is you reaching out to work on this together. Take time to learn the next person as an individual and not as the person the ex is or isn’t. Let time work for you and stop thinking it’s against you. Be cautious and patient, be honest and caring but always be you. Good luck to all and never let the next suffer because of the ex. Learn the individual.


Mr. Lover Man’s words..
The case of the Ex vs. the Next is so old yet so cancerous in too many relationships. People tend to run to another relationship to attempt to ease the heartache of the last one and it only causes confusion and misleads the partner. It is always best to take time to work within and let one’s heart heal before one misleads self and others to thinking the next situation is as purely perceived as it should be.

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JEALOUSY & POSSESIVENESS: THE SIBLINGS OF DESTRUCTION

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am really having a dilemma, I want to get rid of this very clingy guy but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. How should I go about it? He creeps me out a little bit with the way he goes from sweet to upset in a second over small things. He calls too much asking me too many questions and always wants to take me to places that I have to go. HELP! “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
This sounds like there was a progression of possession here. I’m very sure there were signs because there always are. However, what happens is many women tend to think a little jealousy is cute and even goes along way but when you nurture that jealousy just like anything else, it grows, and in this case it grows to creep-ville. The first thing I want you to do is remain calm and honest. That is very important and when confronting this individual about the choices you are making, make sure someone(s) are in the area. Possessive and jealous people have been known to use physical force to attempt to defy the end when their words can no longer do so. His flip flop in emotions can mean many things, could be mental illness but also could be an out of control abuser waiting to be surfaced. Either way, you know you want out and you must stick to that. Now, you do not have to be mean, being firm and honest isn’t equivalent to being mean. If the calls persist and other things grow without him getting the hint, you must contact your local authorities because you can not underestimate someone in a possessive or jealous rage. Please be safe and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not the type to argue or complain but my man is the only person to have brought it out of me. He never allows me to have a point of view and I am beginning to feel like he is abusive. He never hit me but he over talks my ever idea and no longer lets me live my social life that I always had. I love him but things changed. He really is possessive and I don’t like feeling like a prisoner. Save our relationship Mr. Lover Man. Thank you. “Mary”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mary”’
That is views as a form of abuse. You have the right to feel that way. In any situation in life, when you feel discomfort you MUST mention it and say so in the very beginning. Ignoring or forcing yourself to tolerate is the quiet way of accepting and saying its ok. In this situation it is NOT ok. A possessive partner is not a safe partner. You must remember that you are not his car, sofa or television and that you also have time and emotion invested in this relationship. There is a union and partnership that must be respected, if not, it has failed. You have to express these hurts and you have to express what you miss. Remind him who you are in his life and your position by his side, tell him you are willing to fight enough that you recommend therapy or professional intervention. People can’t turn of jealousy and possessiveness overnight. This is something that has been growing for quite some time and you need to end it asap. You have to tell him the importance of your social life and the importance of him having one as well. You do not want him to be dominating. There is a difference with masculinity and possessive. They do not have anything to do with each other. I need you to be truthful and expressive. If he is unwilling to make accommodations and seek help then you need to consider the harsh realities. One is that there is a great (almost guaranteed) chance that he will always do this, he will end up hitting on you and/or verbally abuse you to the point that he owns you because of diminishing esteem. You need to determine your value, not him. You need to take one final stand for this relationship. If he won’t, then you walk away. Good luck and please keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My wife just changed on me like a chameleon. She went from affection and love to jealous and psycho. All I did was put a ring on her finger. Now she acts like she owns me. I have lost my own time because of this. She wants every second of my life. I need a breather, the marriage is worth fighting for and I love my wife but this is pushing me somewhere. Give me some tips so I turn this frog back to my queen. “Rob”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Rob”,
Your wife probably displayed slight hints of this and you may have tolerated it, blinded by the good. It happens too many but now that you are not only bonded by the heart but by law, it makes the sense of urgency a bit more. You need to honestly sit your wife down respectfully and honestly express your feelings about this. Ultimately there has to be ground made and she has to be willing to make changes because your marriage and the happiness that should have accompanied it depend on it. She may not even realize the costs of her actions and you don’t need to throw ultimatums in her face but just honestly express how it is affecting you. Let her express herself and her willingness to make changes, if she isn’t willing to then you have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to take before you walk away for good. Happiness is yours, never throw it away in an unhealthy relationship. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If my boyfriend loves me why does he talk down to me? I stay at home, I cook, clean and do things a girl should. I don’t understand why he has to treat me like I’m not doing my thing. What should I do to make him understand? “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous",
Disgustingly, he does this to criticize so you can feel bad about yourself. This is to destroy your self esteem. The rationale (although pathetic) is that If you don't feel good about yourself then you will believe that no one else truly wants you for you. Then he has opened the forum to remind you how much he loves you or to impress upon you that you are lucky to have him so you never run off. This can turn to fear and a loss for inner self to the point that you end up believing that crap. He wants to dominate and own you; he wants to crack your will and your sense of independence so that you depend on him. You have already accepted the gender roles of what you believe a “girl should do” instead of having a partnership. You need to nip any down talk in the bud and remind him that he is to never speak to you like this. You are not his property, you are his partner and if he chooses to want property, you must remove yourself from this situation. These situations only lead to violence and every form of abuse. When words no longer have an effect, possessive and jealous men result to fist and feet. Please be safe, honest and firm. You are worth more. You must believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.


SOME KEYS TO SPOTTING THE POSSESSIVE OR JEALOUS PERSON
If their opinions of how you look are always condescending or in doubt.
Putting you down constantly.
Over excessive calls and/or always asking your whereabouts and the next move you make.
Always injecting self to take you everywhere you have to go.
Lack of esteem or outlook. Always in a bind (often fake) to make you run to his aide.
Angered about minor things way too often.
Doesn't communicate well but chooses to debate or argue instead.
 
Please be careful and never assume another person's position. Don't assume one day he/she will change, you must demand it and you must make sure you see it, if not you must evacuate the relationship. Good luck. Thank you for reading.

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ONLINE DATING: HYPE OR HOPE? KNOW THE RULES.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'm in an online situation with this guy and he wants me to travel quite some miles to meet him but I'm not comfortable. I really like him and we chat for hours daily, but for some reason this isn't feeling good. WHat do I do? Ms.Travelocity
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Ms. Travelocity,
Your instinct may be picking up something you are ignoring and you should trust your instinct. Have him some to you. I have included with this post a list of must follows for Online Dating that in my opinion not only keeps you safe but also cuts out the unqualified. Good luck and please read further, you will see what I mean. Keep me posted.

DEAR MR. LOVER MAN,
Is it bad that I'm looking for love online? My friends seem to think so. What do you think? Thank you from "Seeking Truth"
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Seeking Truth",
The fact of the matter is that 20% of successful relationships started online. There is a hughe phenomenom with online dating but many things to consider when dealing with this. Not everyone is a pervert but on the flip side not every charming quote is backed by a respectable man. I included some good rules to follow to get you rolling and into a better online situation. Good Luck and please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man’s Online Dating Rules for Women to Follow



Post a clear photo without criticizing yourself, men are tired of the need for validation from every guy online. Just post it and say nothing, let them do all the talking. Real men see through the desperate attempt to have tons of men make you feel good.


NEVER reply to opening lines that are clearly hitting on you, these are cheesy, lame attempts often copied and pasted to a series of women. Have some class if you are looking for something other than online chat.


Immediately block someone over sexual, over annoying or over intrusive. Not doing so gives a message to others that it is ok to do so. Set limits, even in the online world, it’s never “Just Twitter, FaceBook, E-Harmony” etc. There are physical people pushing those buttons, take it as such.


Do not offer your real name or real email that you do business or have family involving with. Have an alternative that means nothing but access to social sites.


Do not appear desperate and do not offer self after seeing a picture, chances are you are not the only one and will be treated accordingly.


Do not reply to emails in 5 minutes. Give it some time to reply, take a day or so and think clearly what you want to convey as your message of you. You have time; it isn’t like you are face to face.


Online dating can be as dangerous as picking up a stranger in the club. You do NOT know what you are really getting so act safe in every step. If you do meet someone, please make sure someone(s) knows your plan and if they alter, Call or text someone to let them know.


Never spend hours straight on your social site; it gives a message that you have nothing else going on in your life. Visit often but in shorter spurts, give a little and watch you receive a lot. Women who chase men online appear desperate and only offering sex, do not fall into this stereotype unless it is true; in that case, good luck. If this is not the case, let yourself be chased a little more. Now clearly this is not saying do not go after what you want, just don’t throw your all without even knowing anything other than a picture and a quote. Take time to learn, take time slowly to open up other avenues of communication.


Another lame and I mean super lame thing to do is to talk about how good your sexual performance is publicly or in your profile. No one will ever say “wow I can take her serious”, but will say “I wouldn’t mind trying that for a moment”. Or even just think you are an attention seeking idiot. Avoid that mess at all costs.


Do not settle for the type of men you don’t like because you are just bored and chatting online. Stay true to yourself always; this is you giving you despite it being behind a computer.


If he does not respond to your email after 3 or 4 days, he clearly isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. That’s a sign to evacuate.


Importantly, if you are being humorous, clearly let that be known as in text form, words can be misconstrued.


Do NOT and I repeat, do NOT lie about your size or job function. These are two turnoffs knowing they will find out. Camera angles used to hide your size or other things are tricks to lure people in that you do not think would if you didn’t. That shows your weaker side. Be true always, it doesn’t matter whether online or not, be true always. They will always find out one way or another anyway.


Chatting with a lot of men at once can turn off your Mr. Right. It’s ok to have conversation but once pet names and offers with dozens of men occur, a real man won’t stick around but knows he has someone out there willing to give him more attention.


NEVER risk your safety for the sake of a date. Let it always and I mean always be on your terms and your safe grounds. Do NOT travel miles to a place you never been with a man you never met. Let him come to you, in a hotel, meeting at a public place on your terms ALWAYS.


Please check out dome other interesting blogs I thought would peak your interest.


http://www.onlinedegree.net/10-true-online-dating-horror-stories/


http://www.topdatingsites.com/blog/2011/10-ways-to-prepare-for-chat-roulette/

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DATING: THE DO'S AND THE DO NOTS

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I was on a first date with this guy and I felt bad when he slightly checked out other woman. Do I have that right? I mean it’s only the first date.
Thank you from “Eyes Focused”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Eyes Focused”,
You darn right you have the right to feel what you did. People do not realize that you took time out your life schedule to take some time to get to know this guy and if he cannot show the common courtesy but to give you the equal attention then he shown where his interest lies. You need to think real clear if this is the type of individual you may want to pursue more time with. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it right to have sex on a first date? I went on a date with this hot girl and all I could think about was getting between her legs. I can’t even say I can recall most what she said. Had I went for it, would it have been ok? I feel like I missed an opportunity here. Thanks man. Anonymous Male.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous Male”,
You are the poster boy for who a girl should NOT bring home to their mother and the reason many of us men are in the stereotype we are in. Thanks for absolutely nothing. With that being said, I would like to mention that in your immature sexual focus, you could have missed out on key cues and words that could have told you a lot more about this woman in your presence. Not only did you give her the perverse dog side of you but you never let the best you shine. You have most likely limited the chances of probably being with an amazing woman. Your inability to focus for a short period of time on a woman who is giving you the opportunity to learn her and to learn you shows your immaturity levels are in its prime. The focus isn’t always your penis, you need to utilize the other head and offer more of yourself and appreciate the other things women offer. Good luck with growing up and please keep me posted.


HERE ARE SOME  IMPORTANT THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN GOING ON A DATE
 
Mr. Lover Man’s Dating Do's



1. Be on time, first impressions are important on both ends. There will times a nice waist and cute face just won’t get you anywhere and testing a man’s patience on the first date is definitely one of them. It shows responsibility and interest into having this first date.


2. Make your appearance one that stands out. This doesn’t mean dress like Cinderella for the ball, but something that shows you took some time and consideration into this moment and take note if he has done the same.


3. Ask questions and pay attention to answers, show that you are paying attention by periodically commenting or later on bringing up a response about his favorite movie or book. It pays off big time.


4. Give information but not too much. This is the first date and you cannot scare him off with stories about the men you slept with or the ex’s who have shattered you or whatever the case. Be interesting and be honest, but, do not and I repeat do not overdue it. That has been known to be a killer in the dating scene.


5. It is nice to compliment your date’s looks, especially if they took time and effort into getting themselves together for this date. It is really a rewarding feeling when acknowledged for the time and energy put into assembling the outfit. (It scores points)


6. Have a positive attitude and only be in environments of comfort. This is the first date and you need to make sure you can enter your zone at any time comfortably and exit respectfully if need be.


7. Importantly, date people who you like more than your friends like. Do not always date your friend’s type, it will breed resentment and ultimately this failed date may be associated with that friend. Date who you like to date because it is you on the date, not your friends.


8. Think ahead about a plan b for the date. The male may or may not have a plan for the date but things can always go wrong against anyone’s will and that’s ok. It happens, but, have a plan b and if appropriate, it’s ok to make suggestions. Or even work together on the suggestion (even though it was your plan all along).


9. Be very honest if the date is not going to lead to another one. The duck and avoid is not only childish but breeds bad karma. You really want to be mature and get into the habit of a more responsible person. Now that is something that men find attractive. Be honest, respectful and be sincere, but do not be mean about it.


10. Think clearly about dating before you do so. Try to be open-minded because often we think we know what Mr. Right is and we don’t. Try to enjoy moments when dating occurs and weigh things out after. You have the right to be happy.


Mr. Lover Man’s Dating Don'ts


1. Being late is a huge negative. I don’t think I can emphasize this enough. In the event of a real situation out of your control then be responsible enough to call and apologize while explaining ahead of time. Being late is just plain rude.


2. Do NOT check out other people on the date. Those that ever told you stupid silly idiotic things like “it’s ok because he isn’t your man anyway” should high five their own faces. First thing, that is just a huge turn-off, it shows no sense of self style and you have removed all notion of any seriousness about yourself that you may have expressed. You should be respectful enough to give enough attention to the person who has volunteered to give their time and attention to you. Trying to be slick can end a date real quick. It is really a date killer. Be courteous.


3. Do not continuously date the same type of people who continuously hurt you or play you for a fool. If you want a bad boy, then remind yourself that you will get bad boy things done to you. (Not generalizing, just making a great example). You have to pull away from the things that lure you into weak traps to receive the same nonsense you always do. Be willing to really invest in finding someone who is compatible when you least expect it.


4. Do not overanalyze! This is a killer on first dates and when one forgets that it is just one date and often they don’t enjoy themselves. Please remember it’s just the first one and you are to have a good time. I know you may be looking for Mr. Right but that process takes time, for now take advantage of a potentially great moment and enjoy it. Laugh, smile, enjoy and learn.


5. Do not lie to your date about events or people in your life. These things ultimately come to surface and then sprinkle doubt on everything you say/have said. How sad it would be to ruin what could be an amazing relationship because of some lie used to try to sound cooler than you think you are when you are more than enough.


6. Do not assume good looks with safety. Do not be lured into any environment or situation you are not comfortable with. Allow yourself to text or call updates periodically with friends while on your bathroom breaks (two breaks are fine). Make sure your phone is charged before the date and carry an extra charger in your bag/purse. You just never know who this is you are on the date with, no matter how attractive he is.


7. If you want to sleep with him, DON’T. That is not negotiable. Unless you are looking for just sex or a one night stand, sleeping on the first date will not give off a message of anything other than that’s what you do and immediately puts him in the position to treat you as such. You can’t have a dating plan that ends with sex on the first date when he doesn’t even know you, so obviously he doesn’t really like you other than what you look like.


8. Do not get drunk. For many obvious reasons but most of all because you need to carry yourself respectfully when getting to know someone as they are getting to know you.


9. Do not give too much personal information on the first date; whatever information was exchanged to set the date up is good enough until you get to know this person better. Do not rush into knowing this person, as rushing can lead to overlooking and that leads to heartache and disappointment.


10. Absolutely, positively NEVER date a married person. That is just absolutely ridiculous and according to statistics you are only going to find a whole bunch of heartache, headache and problems you do not need. If someone is married but separated, you need to know where this separation is leading to. If it’s in doubt then you do not go further. You need someone who can focus on you and not on maybe you and maybe the wife. That’s absurd and shows low esteem, one which the married person will pick up on and utilize against you.

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REVENGE FOR THE BROKEN HEART...BUT WHAT ABOUT THE UNHEARD VICTIM..

How far would you go to avenge your broken heart? How far are you willing to take a situation when the one you claim to love has broken your heart? When is it enough?



Unfortunately in many situations, the end is inevitable and too often there are those that cannot accept the concept of an end to a relationship. In such cases some have keyed cars, have approached new relationships with bitterness and even approached their ex’s new love with rumors and lies to keep him/her as unhappy as the self. What about the unheard victim such as children or family? When is it enough?


One particular story I am aware of finds a man whom is tired of his relationship and wants an end to it. The mother of his 6 year old son has broken the final straw by cheating on him and he is done with her.


This didn’t sit well with her and the thought of her being without him sent her to a state of mind that even her child’s father never thought possible. She has taken the child and disappeared. The father tries to contact her, but, to no avail as she ignores it knowing the hurt he would feel and that it should match what she felt with him leaving her. She ignored the fact that her son has begun to be affected by this psychologically.


After a period of days of no contact and filing a missing persons report only to be told that it is not kidnapping because she is the mother, the father felt exhausted and alone. He turned to the family court system for assistance. In doing so further infuriating his son’s mother, she decided to “up the ante” and called the police on him with a report of abuse and fabrications of past abuse that he allegedly committed onto her person.


She was thinking “This is what he gets for going to court”, unfortunately the man is arrested, held on bail until bailed out and had to fight this court case for about two years before being proven innocent of such horrendous false charges. Now one may think that it is justice that he was proven not guilty but so much has happened in the two yrs and thousands of dollars invested in proving his innocence. The mother did not serve him with a court summons and claimed she did and in doing this, the father never showed to court, granting her an order of protection for her and their son for two years by default because he never showed up.


As she was feeling a victory on her side, she neglected the psychological trauma and hurt being inflicted upon her child. Instead she comforted herself with other men.


She found herself pregnant and unsure of the father so she pinned it on someone she liked most. This man has two kids of his own and she does her best to make the kids like her, neglecting her own in the process. This continues to affect the psyche of the child she carried for 9 months, all in the wrath of avenging a broken heart.


The courts deny him custody, as his criminal case (although proven not guilty) biased the family court judge and only allows him after a year and a half of no contact to see his child every other weekend.


There is considerable damage here to this relationship of father & son but unbeknownst to the mother, her relationship with her son has begun been damaged as well. In her conquest to “show him” a thing or two for leaving her, she forgot to be a mother.


Time passes and the father and son have bonded as strong as before and sadly the son begins to express all the hurt he endures in his setting with two step siblings who constantly pick on him and a half sibling who has taken all the attention. He is not allowed to play sports because no one has time to take him or pick him up from extracurricular activities, he has become sheltered within and is now being bullied in school and only feels safe every two weekends.


The school refuses to intervene as the father pleas to investigate the bullying as they are also biased by the fathers previous order of protection to stay away from his child and mother of his child. Once again the son suffers. So I ask again, when is it enough? And wouldn’t moving on have been not just the smartest choice but the one that displayed the most strength? Taking the evil vengeful way has consequences but unfortunately isn’t thought clearly when one is in heartbreak mode.


What would you have done and when is this type of behavior enough?


I dare and challenge you to comment.

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