Tuesday, March 29, 2011

UNWANTED: THE EX.. $0 REWARD.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend gives me signs that she isn’t completely over her ex. She talks about him when we are watching movies. She will bring him up and say “Oh we did this before” and she still texts/calls him daily. She claims they are friends but this is everyday and I’m very uncomfortable and losing feelings. What should be my next move? Thank you for your advice “John”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “John”,
This is where communication and true expression of your feelings are a must. Sit her down, do not wait until it happens again but sit her down and express your feelings about the situation. I never see the relevance of calling and texting an ex daily. That is a clear sign that there still exists feelings that can threaten your relationship, however, this also shows that your partner may not be ready to be in a committed relationship. These are things you have to clearly express. You should not be subjected to having to “live with” her ex every day of your relationship. That’s not fair and it is not healthy for the progress of your relationship.
The thing that gets me about these situations is that you have went on quietly without expressing yourself that it is almost like you indirectly condoned the actions. Do not forget to tell her what this is doing to your feelings in this relationship. You both have to make a mature decision about where you both stand. Maybe she feels it is ok and will not budge on the topic. If that is the case then you need to make a decision that will make you happy. Weigh out the options but never compromise your happiness. The ex is the ex and you are the current. I think it is nice if people can break up and remain friends but daily calls and texts are absurd. That isn’t healthy at all. Stand firm but caring in your stance. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not feeling good about the situation I’m in. My man and his ex are hanging out once a week and always chatting it up on Facebook and whatever else they are doing. At first I tried to overlook that because I’m not a jealous type of lady but it’s going too far. When my ex contacted me to be friends, my man was not happy so I cut ties. He won’t even cut his for me and I feel like he still loving his ex. I don’t like this and don’t want to come off like I’m jealous, what do I do? “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Often when you have a feeling that something is going on, it just might be. When your partner worries about you and your ex being friends, which gives a clear sign that they worry something may happen because of how possible it could happen with him in his situation. You need to stop him in his tracks and talk to him. You have the very right to express your feelings, not in an accusatory manner, but in the matter of concern and to allow your honest feelings to surface. Do not worry about coming off jealous because as long as it is your honest concern and feelings that you are explaining then any civil individual would understand. One of the biggest cancers to a relationship is the relationship of the ex-boy/girlfriend. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m confused about where I want to be. I am starting to have feelings for my ex again. Ever since she reached out to me on FaceBook and we have been chatting, I feel like we can get past the things that broke us up. She has been trying to get with me but I have a girl. I told her this and she really is making changes to make it right. I love my girl but I still love my ex. Now I don’t know who I really want. My question is, how will I know which one is the one I want? “Mr. No Name”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. No Name”,
This confusion you claim is entirely your fault. When one of both of these females becomes hurt, it is entirely your fault. The problem with many people (you included) is that they assume that moving on to another relationship is the key to getting over the last one and it is not. You should have either made the final attempt to fix things with your ex or took sufficient time to get over it before you entered another relationship. The notion that you have allowed your ex back in to make these attempts, even though you are involved makes you some off like an inconsiderate asshole. Have you no care for you current partner? One should never allow the chase of another when in a committed relationship. You should have remained as firm as you wished your partner to be in the same situation had the roles been reversed. Now you have to own up to these actions and step forward honestly to your partner and tell her where you stand. You asked how will you know, well you wouldn’t have to ask if you knew, which clearly shows that it is you that isn’t ready for the committed relationship. You may need more time to settle things within before you invite someone into your world for inevitable heartache. You have to be honest first with self and then to the others. This situation is going to hurt someone, it is best to step forward now before the hurt deepens. Good luck, keep me posted.


Signs that your partner isn’t over the ex: One good sign is that they keep mementos to always reminisce out and to always hold on to. It is not healthy if your partner has these mementos posted publicly while in another relationship. Those are definitely red lights going off. Another sign is the increase of contact, which is not something that should be happening, especially while in a relationship with another. There are other signs such as saying their name when speaking to you, over usage of the ex’s stories or the comparison’s of the ex with you or anyone. Someone unwilling to talk about the ex at all is also a sign that they are not over the ex. Some people avoid the discussion people they can’t bear to talk about it without feelings arising.


Do not accuse or assume, instead express concerns of your personal feelings. This can always be worked through if both partners are committed to making it work. This can and will only work with communication. Allow your partner to feel as if this isn’t your feelings against them but instead it is you reaching out to work on this together. Take time to learn the next person as an individual and not as the person the ex is or isn’t. Let time work for you and stop thinking it’s against you. Be cautious and patient, be honest and caring but always be you. Good luck to all and never let the next suffer because of the ex. Learn the individual.


Mr. Lover Man’s words..
The case of the Ex vs. the Next is so old yet so cancerous in too many relationships. People tend to run to another relationship to attempt to ease the heartache of the last one and it only causes confusion and misleads the partner. It is always best to take time to work within and let one’s heart heal before one misleads self and others to thinking the next situation is as purely perceived as it should be.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have officially read, and approve.... Great Job Clark Kent..... Rachel

evonnia starr said...

Where were you 2yrs ago! LOL I managed to get over my ex blues but it took way longer than it should have because I just kept going from man to man and they all overlapped. I finally had to take time out for me and you're right because now I know why all of those relationships didn't work...ME!

ASK MR. LOVER MAN said...

@Rachel, Thank you so much

@Evonnia Starr, Thank you. Im glad you were able to figure it out. It takes time but it feels great when it surfaces.

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