Wednesday, June 30, 2010


This particular blog was not an easy one for me. The horrible nature of rape and abuse digs deep within my soul. It is something so disgusting that I often (no exaggeration) feel a tight queasy feeling in my stomach. I knew that in order to be as effective with helping as I wanted to I needed to talk with a dear friend of mine, whom I love as a person and friend but also because she has an intellectual capacity to grasps things even I may overlook. To make her partnering on this blog much more effective, she is a writer, editor and above all, a rape and abuse victim. Our talks and relationship as friends have opened my world in a different way than my patients have. It touched me deeper because she has a permanent place in my heart, which made rape and abuse so much more real in its most horrifying ways. Please use this particular post to help yourselves, to help others, to understand that this is NOT acceptable in any sense or form. Know you are worth more and the power must be taken back from these vile, disgusting predators. Love does not abuse nor does it rape, we give excuses to sugar coat the fear, we lie to others to camouflage the disappointment, we create false worlds to hide into a safe haven when in reality we need to always feel free, safe and loved. I use this blog as a medium to help because I love people. I answer questions with a professional and personal backing because I know we can be better and we deserve better. This posting in particular has brought tears to my heart, and saddened my soul. Walk with me, walk with us, take our hands and let’s heal each other, one soul at a time.

-Mr. Lover Man

I have the scars that remind me every day of what abuse can do to people’s lives and I use plural here because abuse does not just affect one person at a time. Even if you think it’s only your problem it’s not. Abuse comes in all forms from physical to emotional to mental and let me tell you right now after everything I endured the worst was the emotional and mental scars and bruises that still sometimes bleed. When I think about men, women, children, anyone getting abused my blood boils over and I want to grab the victims and hold them in my arms and take them away from all the pain they are enduring. However, I know I can’t save anyone; they can only save themselves because I was the only one who could save me as well. This blog was hard for me because I wanted so bad to protect our writers and take them out of their situations because I know that things will only get worse for them and it scares me but what you must understand readers is that you must find strength inside yourself now. Abuse is not something to brush aside and take lightly. It is not just a man issue either, women do it to, it happens in the LGBTQ community as well and it happens to children too. If you need help or you are in a situation that you don’t know how to get out off you can contact me and I can help you find resources to help you get out. Just remember no matter what your ties are to your abuser, children, family, money, love, whatever it is, none of these are good enough excuses to stay because your life is more important that any of these things.
To flee is life, to linger, death.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am afraid. My husband hurts me. I know you will tell me to call the cops but I can't. I have a 2 year old child that needs his father. I am at my wits end and losing my mind. He physically abuses me to the point that I do not even cry no longer. He doesn't even talk to me like I don’t exist. He has went to the extent of raping me & I'm so destroyed that I think I can only have sex with him when he does that, I need to feel raped to find pleasure. Everything in me tells me he will kill me one day. Then I look in my son’s eye and I know he needs his dad so I sacrifice so he can have both parents. Sad thing is he doesn't do his father duties, but I know how he was when he did &he was good. Where do I go from here? Signed "Clipped Wings"

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Clipped Wings”, I could not tell you how this reaches me; I could not express enough the severity of your need to get away from his brutal clutches. Your husband is a vile and disgusting male and his abuse to you is not only unwarranted but of some of the most horrific nature. At any point I need you to know that you do NOT deserve this nor do you share any part of him making the decision to do this to you. I need you to re-read and believe that. I can sense a strong level of damage and yet I don’t want you to feel damaged. You need to look into your sons eyes and not see that he needs his father but remind yourself of the mother he needs, the mother who is assuming both roles as this disgusting male (he doesn’t deserve the title of man) destroys lives. The list of victims will increase as your child will be subjected to his brutal onslaught. Love does not exist in this man’s world. There comes a point where one must incarcerate, not just for the safety of self but the safety of all his future victims and maybe the past ones who haven’t spoken. This situation isn’t seasonal and the fact that he intends to demoralize you speaks volumes as to who he truly is. I need you to dig deep and find the Queen you are, I need you to be your sons protector, to be a warrior even if for a moment and call the authorities. Please do not allow him the power he has taken from you and others, please do not give him any chance to destroy. Look into your child’s eyes and do not look for his father any more, that man chose to abandon your heart and deliver evil, I need you to look for the safety and love of yourself and your child and make the call. Seek help for self and talk to professionals, this burden can be heavy but you will never be alone. Don’t choose to remain in his dungeon of life. The sun shines for you if you choose to stand in its light. I need you to please do so.

McBooBoo Says: Dear Clipped Wings,
Even though you think your wings have been clipped permanently I’m here to tell you that they grow back. In the meantime here is what you need to think about in your situation because I have been in your shoes; the only thing missing is that my child never made it to see his mother because of the abuse of his father. Thankfully you have a beautiful 2 year old son that has a wonderful mother that needs her more than anything right now because even though you think you won’t be able to leave him you are going to have to for the sake of your child and for you. You must leave your husband because this foreboding feeling of doom that you feel is the truth, he WILL either end up killing you one day or harming? Get out now! I’m begging you. You still have your wings and even though you feel you have been left for dead and sold up river, you are stronger and better than that and better than him. No matter how jaded, how stoic, how hurt and empty you feel right now, the love you have for your son will help you find the love you have for yourself again but in order to find that you have to get away from the source that took everything away from you. There are so many resources, people and places that can help you with all the details so there are no excuses not to save you and your son from this. You have to look at in as a life and death situation. If someone was trying to hurt your son you would do everything you could to protect him right? Well that is the same case here expect you are also going to protect yourself as well. You have the right to life my dear as does your son, you have the right to be the beautiful angel that you are and spread your wings and fly away and smile again and truly mean it! Get your wings back and take flight! - McBooBoo

McBooBoo, you hit it on the nail. I fear that he will definitely kill or severely physically harm to the point of disability. As always your words have the power of experience and I hope “Clipped Wings” understands that this doesn’t have to end with him. Her wings will blossom again when she chooses permanent detachment from this situation.

Mr. Lover Man, Beautifully put. You are a Queen remember that and in this situation you play the King too. My mother was a single Mom and did brilliantly don't be scared of raising your child alone. First because you may not have too and second because your child is better off without a father if his father is that vile of a creature. Most men that beat other women were taught these actions but their fathers and so on and so forth. This is sad but true. Children need to be taught important lessons early on and these are your child's most important years. So look into his eyes, hold him close, and sore into the air with those wings I know you have and take him away from this cruel world. After you have made your escape find yourself again. It's easy to use your son as a reason to leave and it’s a great reason but also understand that you are just as important and just as beautiful. You need to save yourself as well and find yourself again. To end I will leave you with one of my most favorite quotes that helped me through my years in my abusive relationship: No one can make you feel inferior with your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

Hi, Mr. Lover Man.
This is my problem: My boyfriend of 3 yrs has a hitting problem. Maybe it is cause his parents use to beat him. Idk. He hit me 3 times and he apologizes & I can see how sorry he is. He even cried the 1st time and said he won't no more but he done did it 2 more times and idk if he will stop. I love him so much & when we not fighting he is a sweet man. I tried to bring up counseling but that's when he hit me the 3rd time. I don't want to leave cause he needs me and I love him. How can we get help? ~Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This situation is looking like it will grow for the worst. We tend to look at time like the investment it is but add the sense of how much time as an excuse for tolerance. Whether 3 years or 30 years, a man (or woman) should never hit another. Even if he has done this 3 times or 300 times there ios absolutely no excuse for these acts of ruthless hateful aggression. His 3rd hit when you brought up counseling is a clear indication that this man is not willing to get help and/or the fact that he may have accepted this as the norm and this will continue to worsen for you or anyone he gets involved with next. You need to get authorities involved and show zero tolerance for his actions. I get questioned about whether real men exist often and yes they do, you want to know the best way for you to find one? Leave this bully, this hateful piece of trash and incarcerate him. Love does NOT hurt people, people choose to hurt others. No one beats and abuses someone they love. We need to understand that he is at a crossroads in his life where it is slowly progressing for the worse. You claim to love him, and then force him into help with incarceration. Force him to see the hurt he inflicts, and you need to detach in permanence because you have a beautiful life to live. If we don’t put ourselves first, we could never truly help others. Please seek professional help to walk you through this. Please keep me posted.

McBooBoo Says: Dear Anonymous,
Let’s first start off with making a quick change to one thing you said, “My boyfriend of 3 yrs has a hitting problem.” My dear this is not a problem, like irritable bowel disease or snoring in his sleep. He hits you, he BEATS you, this is a habit, something that is not going to change, something that he learned from his parents, something that was taught to him and something that he feels he has a right too. He can cry and say he is sorry all he wants but those tears will never wash away the bruises he left on your face or arms. It will never take away the emotionally damage he has given you already. Those tears and apologizes mean nothing when the actions continue and they will continue. My ex of 6 years did the same back and forth games yours is doing and it never stopped. I also tried to get US help when in reality it his all HIM honey that needs the help, not YOU. You need to help yourself now and get out of this relationship. It’s not worth your time, your effort or your love anymore. You need to love yourself now and focus on you. Leave his hitting problem to someone else. He is a big boy; let him pick on someone his own size.

McBooBoo, sadly this punk will not pick on someone his size, nor will he ever show love to her as he evil festers within and will continue to be unleashed as long as it is tolerated and allowed. You are very right; she needs to take action and leave

MLM, I agree. Call the cops now or the next time he does it and show him how strong you really are. In the meantime if he doesn't want to go to counseling go yourself. You know why he beat you when you brought it up right? Because he is scared of losing you and getting in trouble for what he has done to you. My ex did the same thing to me when I started going to counseling, even had the nerve to tell me he was the only counselor I needed. Don't let him trap you and take you away from your friends and family either. Get yourself help and get away from him now while you still can. He is nothing but a bully but even my conservative mother still told me if someone hits you first you better hit back and make sure they never do it again. What I mean by that is call the cops and make sure he never does it again. -McBooBoo

Dear Mr. Lover Man.
This has to stay anonymous please. I made this fake e-mail because I am afraid to tell my family or friends. I wouldn't even tell you if you knew who I am. I was raped by someone I thought was my best friend. We were drinking and I don't know if that's the reason but I wasn't as drunk as him & remember everything. We been friends for so long & although we joke about sex or he always hated on guys I was with, I never saw this happening. He knows everything about me & our families are close& I'm scared that this would hurt a lot of people if i said something. I been avoiding him because I feel hurt & betrayed. He tried apologizing but how can he really be sorry? Should I tell my family and his family? "No Name"

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "No Name",
At no moment should you ever take into consideration how other people will feel if you reveal the truth. Think about how someone will feel if he is allowed to do this to others? You need to; you must expose his actions for the atrocity he committed. You do not ever deserve this and his true disgusting quality showed at the moment he let it run its course. He may have always planned this; he may have slowly tried to pick his spot so to speak and attacked when he felt he could get away with it. He befriended you, betrayed you and harmed you unlike another. This is no "friend" I would ever want. You need to expose him and if others can't accept it, at least take solace in knowing that you could have possibly prevented future rapes. Please never hold this in. This is to serious to ignore. Please keep me posted

McBooBoo Says: Dear No Name,
Understand even though you have no name to us here, you have a voice and it needs to be heard. I know you are scared, terrified and even embarrassed but most women are raped by men that they know, whether that be a husband, boyfriend or best friend. I was raped twice by two different boyfriends and by two different men who were suppose to love me and who were part of my friend and family circles. I didn’t tell anyone for over 10 years because of fear, shame and embarrassment but when I finally did the freedom of having a voice was better than living a lie and living in fear. My friends and family also understood!! I know! I didn’t think that would happen either but they will love, they will. And if they don’t you know who your true friends are. This friend is NOT your best friend, was never your friend and was never more than a disgusting liar and user. You deserve to live again and live a life of happiness and truth. Not of lies and fear because of horrible thing that someone else did? Would you also go to jail for him too? No you wouldn’t, so don’t live like you are. Have a name again and live my dear. -McBooBoo

McBooBoo, I couldn't have said it better, she definitely has a voice. I only hope she understands the importance of using it & also the importance and strength of her next steps

MLM, The only thing I want to add is that I had a friend tell me that my ex also did not love me and that there was no way possible he could have loved me after all he put me through. However I beg to differ because people love in so many ways. However the love he gave was not TRUE love and not healthy love. You may think this is the right love and yes he may love you and you may love him but this is not how love should be. I just wanted to clarify on that point because I remember I was really upset when my friend told me that because I knew my ex loved me just not in the right way if that makes sense. So understand that you may have the feelings of love, obsession, lust, etc but this is not how a relationship should be. Love should never feel like this, it should never hurt, bring fears, make you feel afraid. Love is kind and patient, it's honest and truthful and caring and understanding. You should feel happiness and freedom and joy and you should be able to be yourself at ALL times.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My boyfriend hits me. It took me days to get that sentence out. He hits me and he talks to me like I am worth nothing. I follow you on twitter and I see you are always talking about self worth and I always cry when I read the things you say because I know you are right. Why can't I take that big step to get out of this situation? I love him and I know he loves me but he hits me every time I try to correct him or tell him something he doesn't want to hear. I just don't say anything anymore. It’s safer for me. I'm afraid to do wrong. Why can't we just go back to where we were when we shared love all the time? He won't get help. Help me. Thank you "Tears

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Tears",
My heart cries out for you and everyone in your position but that is not enough. We need to make strong strides right now. We need to take a stand and understand that this illusion u call love is NOT real. He does NOT love you, there is no way humanly possible that he can treat someone he professes to love I'm such a disrespectful manner. He is owning you, he is trying to strip you of your voice, of your dignity, of your power and the longer you stick around the easier he will have converted you from blossoming flower to just a piece of property and maybe worse. Some people treat their property better than he is treating you and this must end. Your next moves will not just determine the direction of your life but the right move by leaving him & incarcerating him will send a clear message of your true worth & that this is unacceptable. You are a hero for doing so as you are preventing him from doing this to others. Please don't think I don't understand how hard it is to speak out against this. It is hard. The moment you do, you will be taking the power back. You are beauty, you are a Queen and there lies a great man in your path towards greatness. Please keep me posted.

McBooBoo Says: Dear Tears,
The fact that you even were able to find the strength to come to us in the first place is amazing and shows me you can get yourself out of this. You have courage and strength inside of you, probably more than you realize. He talks down to you because he wants you to believe you are worthless. Why? Because that is the only way he can keep you with him. He is pathetic and worthless himself. My ex did the same thing to me. Think about it. Women who get beat are usually some of the strongest women and you would never expect them to take it. If your best girlfriend was getting hit you would probably want to kill her boyfriend. I know I would. But when it was happening to me I thought I deserved it because HE told me I did and made me feel that way. Well my love, YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT. You are a worthwhile, amazing, STRONG woman and you need to realize this. To live a life where you have to walk on eggshells everyday because you are afraid to breath wrong is a horrible existence. I have been there and lived that life and honey let me tell you life is so my sweeter, so much more fulfilling without someone who won’t love you for you and won’t let you be who you are. He is so insecure about who is he that he has to beat you and bring you down. That is not someone who cares about you that is a selfish, pathetic human being. Whether you love him or he loves you doesn’t matter anymore. Love doesn’t hurt, love doesn’t hate and love does not trap. Remember this quote by John Wayne “Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.” Saddle up my love and dry those tears. Ride off into the sunset with a real prince charming and leave this beast behind.
- McBooBoo


Thursday, June 24, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man

My boyfriend’s mom is such a b#tch. Sorry for the language but I really don’t know how else to express this. It’s like she can’t see him with a woman and it drives me nuts. She still hovers over him; every time I’m over she has to give me the look over, at times rolling her eyes and even ignores me. I want to tell my man these things but I don’t know how he will react. I also want to slap his mother but that isn’t who I am, even though the thought makes me smile. I don’t really understand how someone could be so dramatic and overbearing on him. He is 27 and I am 26. Isn’t there a time period when this ends? I want to be with him because I know he is the one for me but I didn’t sign up for his mom to be aboard this train ride. What should I do? Agnes

This is definitely a situation I wish to always avoid in life. It is so hard to be in a situation where the other person will be placed in an awkward situation if the message in conveyed in an inappropriate manner. He seems to have a relationship with his mother that may or may not be a bit clingy. This can be addressed in a civil manner. You can start out by asking him “Do you think your mom likes me?” go with his answer into how you approach the situation, if he says yes, ask how does he know then say “well the reason I ask is because” and not in an accusatory manner but in a civil concerned manner express everything exactly how you feel (minus the slapping of his mom and the B-word). Remind him of the importance of the relationship and why you want his mom to like you. Suggest an outing with other people. Moms tend to warm up a bit more around a larger group of friends. Never be afraid to communicate your feelings because those are yours and if you don’t speak, you are doomed to repeat. I wish you the best of luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'm 25 years old and have never heard, felt or seen any type of love from my mother... Ever... Not even an "I love you". I've learned through the years to accept it and put it in one of those "it is what it is" categories but it has always bothered me deeply. At a young age (and still now honestly) I thought it was my fault, maybe I did something to anger her or make her ashamed of me. When I was 3 years old we moved from Puerto Rico to Virginia and I ended up living with my grandparents. She told people who asked about us moving that she couldn't do her normal routine anymore because of me. As I got older I assumed it was my fault that we had to move even when my family stated otherwise. She has never expressed anger or rage towards me and I knew she was capable of love because she expressed and expresses love with my older sister. I've attempted to talk to her about everything twice and she blows it off and leaves it at "you were well taken care of growing up"... It’s like she's unaware or doesn't care, either or. I want to move on from this and for some reason leaving it at "it is what it is" isn't helping me emotionally and mentally. What should I do or more so where should I go from here? Thanks.
-A Love Unknown

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear A Love Unknown
These situations are often the hardest in relationships. So many times there is so much missing between parent and child and this can lead to a series of unanswered events in one’s life. I want to say that there is a saying that “sometimes let sleeping dogs lie”, however, this is not that time. You carried an unfair burden too long and you are warranted healing. There could be too many factors as to your mothers lack of loving expression you may have needed and/or wanted growing up (even present). I wish I can tell you which one but that is impossible to determine without having full participation from your mother, this is where you come in. You are going to have to take the authoritative role in wanting answers. The passive role continues to get you brushed off. Express the importance of wanting to know, express how bothered you are and what burdened you carried for long. Let it out, not in an attacking manner because maybe your mother hasn’t come to terms in some issues she faced, but in a strong, loving way. Try to defy the brush-offs, try to resist just walking away and accepting no answer. Have you tried speaking to other family members who are intimate with this situation? Maybe trying to link something’s together? Sometimes this helps as well, but nothing will give that full healing and resolution like a sit down with your mom. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am having so much trouble with my family. I can get them to like my boyfriend and they haven’t even met him yet. I have 2 brothers, one sister, and my mom. I am 25 years old and they just can’t get over what my ex boyfriend did to me, so now I suffer from their ridicule, comments, their aggressive “protection” and I’m am so unhappy. My boyfriend was happy to meet them and the day they were to meet my family started a huge argument with me and sabotaged the entire meeting before it could happen. Now my boyfriend is unwilling to meet them and I want to try to mend this and get them all on the same page but neither will budge. I think I understand my boyfriend’s position in not no longer wanting to meet them but it would make me happy. My family on the other hand has been insisting that he will hurt me like my ex did. I feel like I have to always make my family happy because I felt like I neglected them when I was with my last boyfriend. I’m tired of this, what to do?

I Am an Adult

MR LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear I am an Adult,
First of all, you need to take a breath. Next you have to remind yourself that you deserve happiness as well as anyone else, whether its family, friends, boyfriend, etc. I’m sure they in a sense are trying to look out for your best interest but living as their puppet will never give you the happiness they need. If they haven’t met him, their pre-judging is childish and bordering idiotic. However, I can understand their stance. Whatever it was your ex did, made them feel you are not inadequate to make decisions for yourself again. You need to take a stand for yourself and not allow them to run your life. It is good to look at others opinions and have discussion but they are childish in their campaign to bash someone they don’t know anything about. State the importance of this relationship and tell them, if they really want to protect you, they would accept your situation and allow you to learn. By the way, you are 25 not 12. This is almost insane that you are not allowed to make adult decisions in a relationship but the entire world accepts you as an adult. As for your boyfriend, I think that he has a legitimate gripe in not wanting to meet the people whom have pre-judged him without knowing him. However, this is important to you and I’m very sure if you convey that in communication, if he is the good man you expect him to be, he will fold. You have to make a compelling case as to why he should forgive and forget in your best interest over him being offended. I believe that he will because people will always judge others and it takes a strong person to overcome that. This is an early test already you both are facing. You both determine the fate of this relationship, not your family. That’s almost perverse for them to even think they will have say so over an adult, not to mention selfish. Allow effective communication to lead you through this. I believe that a resolution is near. Good luck and please keep me posted.

To Mr. Lover Man,
My brother and my best friend always giving me flack about guys I date. Especially my best friend (he is male). It seems like they are never good enough and this time I am happy, I want to settle down and I can’t get them to even crack a smile about it. My best friend is always talking this macho crap about what he would do if this guy hurt me or how he would do this and that and in reality my boyfriend would put a severe hurting on him but that’s neither here nor there. My brother seems to always have been protective and that I can understand to a degree but I am 30, yes I said it, I am 30 years old and hate to visit my brother because although he is only 32, he seems to think he is the boss of me. My best friend tends to use things against me to get me to give in, he will shut me out, make fun of me, throw in my face how many times he was there for me and right now I’m starting to think he is jealous that I finally found the one. I don’t have any sisters and being the only girl makes me understand my brother but it’s how he does it. He is so bossy and I am so tired of it. My father accepts my boyfriend, my mother accepts it and yet these two always give me flack. Should I ignore them? “I want to be happy”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I want to be happy”
Obviously with this much concern you have expressed you cannot ignore this, I don’t think you could if you wanted to. It is almost childish that at this age this teenage protection phase is still ongoing. It is great that your parents have embraced the notion of your happiness with your boyfriend but sad that your friend and brother hasn’t. Brothers are asses at times and although they often mean well, they tend to over shadow great judgment with protective crap. You have to sit him down separate from your friend and express how important his is to you and remind him how many times you listened and this time he should consider your judgment. You can also express the same with your friend. Just make sure you do it separately. Maybe your friend is jealous because he secretly wants involvement and feels that you are too far deep into the friendship. Or that you know way too much to take him serious but whatever the case is, this is NOT about him or your brother. In this world you can NOT please everyone but if you don’t please yourself, ultimately you don’t please anyone. Put yourself first and then it will all fall in place. Recruit your parents if you have to. Talk to them for support, this often sways decisions; you need to make sure that you understand that your brother and friend will not give you the happiness you must find from within. Your boyfriend can’t give you inner happiness either but they all contribute somehow so you must find a common ground. Communication will lead you there. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


The time of year has come where it is time to acknowledge the hard work of the real men whom have not just created but made a powerful or most powerful impact in the lives of their child(ren). The men whom have not just defied odds but have done so in the media’s shadow of the lame Dad, of the run away dad, of the child support only dad. The wrong dads are being highlighted on your televisions and in your conversations. The real Dads quietly move forward with no glory in mind, no validation (although it would be nice) and no bitterness, we simply love our children as all Dads should.

I remember when my dad was dying, and he was a stubborn son a gun. His liver failed, it was at a stage where his time of survival was limited. My son Jayden was just born, a mere almost 4 months old and I knew what I had to do. It was time to save my dad. I donated 60% of my liver to save his life, a feat that was not viewed as the smartest move by some. Even the doctor whom was performing the surgery asked me privately “You sure you want to do this, you have a four month old baby”. My sons mom said “Please don’t do this, your dad lived his life”. Despite the words to deter me from doing the honorable thing, I never once doubted my commitment to my Dad. I could not fathom the thought of waking up knowing I let my dad die. Who can say they gave life to the man that gave them life? My dad and mom are married 39 yrs, together longer. I don’t know the runaway dad first hand, so I did NOT know how to be a run away son.

The surgery went wrong, I suffered damages by error of the hospital that are permanent and I live everyday with love, despite the tears, the pain, I remember my dad getting out the bed and walking over to where I was laying (I couldn’t move) hugging me and kissing me and telling me he loved me. That’s a Dad and son moment for the ages. My sister called me her hero, I was just doing what dads do.

I remember I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t feed myself for a period of months and went through a traumatic ordeal. The only times I was able to smile was seeing my son Jayden and seeing my Dad. It was like I was the middle of giving two lives to two great men. Both influence me greatly, its just that one is too young to actually know it.

I defied the odds, not just for me but because I have a son that needs me and that’s what dads do. I gave my dad 60% of my liver for many reasons, one was to teach my son the value of life and to show him that’s what dads do. I take pride in not running or ever having the thought. I take pride in being the greatest influence in my sons life despite what society wishes to view us as. I am honored and blessed every time Jayden runs to me as if not seeing me for years, even if it was 4 hours. I love loving him and him loving me. I am his protector, his friend, his hero, his soldier, his leader, his inspiration, the man he inspires most, but, most of all, I am his Dad.

So please honor the great men who have done and still do his job. Do not dwell on the negative as we do not empower the runners. We empower those worthy of power. We love all because all need love but we honor the honorable. Fathers Day is more than a hallmark card moment. Happy Fathers Day to all the real men that have loved like no other, that have sweated, cried, stood tall, that have walked with grace or dragged when they could barely walk, but yet still making their loving mark. Happy Fathers Day to the men who fight to be more than a child support check, who fight to make their child(ren)’s worlds a better place than their own, to the dads who despite the drama, never expose their children to it. The real dads who will never be less. I stand tall, I salute you from my heart, I hug your soul, I love you all… This is my ode to us. Happy Fathers Day to us.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Recently I broke things off with the guy I was seeing. (We will call him Robert) I was really into him, but I just couldn't seem to see where he was into me and decided to stop wasting my time. After almost 9 months, I got tired of the extreme effort. I moved on and have been meeting some absolutely wonderful guys who are real gentlemen. It was not until I broke up with Robert that he actually started to show emotion. Before he was just hard on the exterior. I believe it was because he had been hurt in the past and didn't want to be hurt again. I felt it unfair that he would be emotionally detached with me because of his wanting to guard his heart. I tried to show him that I was genuine as much as I could. I mean we've all been hurt before at com point, right? The issue here is that since I broke up with him, Robert wants to see me again. We've gone out a few more times. He is extremely communicative; He wants to make a lot more time to see me and is more affectionate. He doesn't want to let go. My problem is that my feelings have changed to the complete opposite. I feel nothing for him anymore. He wants a second chance but I am not interested. I don't want to hurt his feelings. How do I find the words to tell him that I just don't feel anything for him anymore?
Signed, After The Love Has Gone

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “After The Love Hs Gone”
Sadly the time of emotional has arisen and departed at different times and the harsh truths that we hate to deliver must be given. One thing I always believed is that when giving news that could potentially hurt, two things must be measured, one is, the truth must always be told, no matter what. The second thing is trying to find a way to deliver the news in a way we would like to receive it with the least amount of pain as possible, because truth is, there will be pain. Do not mislead, and as you do so, speak that these are your feelings entirely and it may not be a direct reflection of who he is today but that the waves have shifted to a different part of the ocean. We always use these terms “keep it real” and when these hard times to do so come along; we want to keep it safe. This is your test to keep it real and safe. You once loved his heart; remember that when trying not to crush it so bad. However, always be honest about it. Good luck with this and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If I could tell you how many times me and my boyfriend broke up you would probably give me a tongue lashing. I don’t know why I can’t stay away. He has cheated on me (that I know of) 5 times and I just want to believe that he will change for us and we can just settle down. He says he has protected sex with them and gets mad if I suggest using a condom. So I give up and then I’m worried for 3 months while testing for std’s. I want him to realize that I am a good woman and to give up the trash and to settle down, what can I do different because I think I’m doing it all. From: Love Hurts

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love Hurts”
You are in a dangerous place as your situation can at any moment turn life threatening. Your submission to this man’s sexual rant about condom usage (or lack thereof) can give you an irreversible STD that you will forever regret. You wish him to give up the trash for you, yet he treats you as such, you need to find yourself worth. This man has too much power over you and not only knows it but abuses it anytime he can. You gave him a get out of jail free card more times than a monopoly board offers. When do you come first? When do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve more? How far gone are you into this man’s grip that he can abuse you mentally and stomp on your soul? You may need to seek professional help and vent, you may need a shoulder but you do NOT need him. Stand tall and find your soul. He will never change for you, he can only change for him and he has yet to seek that. You need to change this situation by safely removing yourself from it and finding a safe zone of serenity. You deserve better, I need you to believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it finally over? When can I move on and not think about my ex? I try to date women and it seems that everyone I date I end up finding something similar about something I didn’t like about my ex or something different that they don’t have that my ex has. We broke up a month ago and it was hard because we been inseparable for 3 years. She broke my heart and I tried dating right away to get over the hurt, my friends suggested that but it isn’t working. What can I do to move on?
Thank you, Outta My Mind

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Outta My Mind”
Breaking up is never the easiest for everyone. Accepting it is over and facing heartbreak can manipulate one to believe they have lost and feel defeated, and we tend to run somewhere fast to fill voids we believe are empty. Your friends may mean well with their suggestions but they don’t know what’s best. Time to heal for self is most important, time to detach is great. Looking at this situation as a victory in avoidance of a greater hurt later on should be your perception. You are hurt now but I’m sure had you not faced this hurt now, it would have been devastating tenfold later. Be stronger than your situation, you should want more but you have to heal your soul. Learn to understand that everyone is an individual and not everyone has the same storyline your ex does. If you look for it, you will find it, even if it doesn’t exist. She is not the epitome of women; she is not the statue of standard. You need to learn women as who they are, not as whom they aren’t in comparison to your ex. Please keep me posted. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex fiancĂ© seems to always slither his way back into my bed. I know he loves me but he does things that hurt so much. We were a couple for 4 years then got engaged for a year. In the 5 years I watched a good man become a cheating man. I do see his potential for being the good man that he was in the beginning and I think that is what draws me back to him. He is so nice at times and we have good sex, but it seems like something happens after that because by the morning he is cold to me. I don’t know if it is me or maybe it is because I’m lacking something sexually but I try anything he wants. What am I doing wrong? How can I make this work?
Signed, I Need Strength

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I Need Strength”
There is a strong sense that you mislead yourself more than he does, that you create this fictitious sense of who this guy is to allow you to embrace your role he imposed upon you as the victim. This needs a professional assistance in stronger portions than one question being asked. You say he loves you and everything he does suggests otherwise. You seek and wait for a man he once portrayed instead of seeing the man he is. And honestly calling him a man is a major disrespect to real men out there. This “male” is nice at sex time and cold when he is no longer hot and horny and you accept it, so of course he will continue to use you as easy accessible sex. You are not showing your true worth, you are allowing him to determine what that is and he has no right. You empower his cold weak cowardly shell and you wait for him to become more. He is not more than the trash he shows you he is. You need to take the time to love yourself more and to take back the power he has over you. Love doesn’t hurt, and that is a true indication that he doesn’t love you other than sexually, if he even loves you for that. You are worth so much more; you are amazing beyond your belief. You are a Queen and should be treated as such. Women make us men better and true men recognize this and you have not received that because he is NOT a true man. Want more, detach from this idiot and have more from life. Please. I recommend that you seek professional help in some fashion. Please keep me posted. Good luck.