AN ODE TO THE REAL DADS... HAPPY FATHERS DAY

The time of year has come where it is time to acknowledge the hard work of the real men whom have not just created but made a powerful or most powerful impact in the lives of their child(ren). The men whom have not just defied odds but have done so in the media’s shadow of the lame Dad, of the run away dad, of the child support only dad. The wrong dads are being highlighted on your televisions and in your conversations. The real Dads quietly move forward with no glory in mind, no validation (although it would be nice) and no bitterness, we simply love our children as all Dads should.



I remember when my dad was dying, and he was a stubborn son a gun. His liver failed, it was at a stage where his time of survival was limited. My son Jayden was just born, a mere almost 4 months old and I knew what I had to do. It was time to save my dad. I donated 60% of my liver to save his life, a feat that was not viewed as the smartest move by some. Even the doctor whom was performing the surgery asked me privately “You sure you want to do this, you have a four month old baby”. My sons mom said “Please don’t do this, your dad lived his life”. Despite the words to deter me from doing the honorable thing, I never once doubted my commitment to my Dad. I could not fathom the thought of waking up knowing I let my dad die. Who can say they gave life to the man that gave them life? My dad and mom are married 39 yrs, together longer. I don’t know the runaway dad first hand, so I did NOT know how to be a run away son.


The surgery went wrong, I suffered damages by error of the hospital that are permanent and I live everyday with love, despite the tears, the pain, I remember my dad getting out the bed and walking over to where I was laying (I couldn’t move) hugging me and kissing me and telling me he loved me. That’s a Dad and son moment for the ages. My sister called me her hero, I was just doing what dads do.


I remember I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t feed myself for a period of months and went through a traumatic ordeal. The only times I was able to smile was seeing my son Jayden and seeing my Dad. It was like I was the middle of giving two lives to two great men. Both influence me greatly, its just that one is too young to actually know it.


I defied the odds, not just for me but because I have a son that needs me and that’s what dads do. I gave my dad 60% of my liver for many reasons, one was to teach my son the value of life and to show him that’s what dads do. I take pride in not running or ever having the thought. I take pride in being the greatest influence in my sons life despite what society wishes to view us as. I am honored and blessed every time Jayden runs to me as if not seeing me for years, even if it was 4 hours. I love loving him and him loving me. I am his protector, his friend, his hero, his soldier, his leader, his inspiration, the man he inspires most, but, most of all, I am his Dad.


So please honor the great men who have done and still do his job. Do not dwell on the negative as we do not empower the runners. We empower those worthy of power. We love all because all need love but we honor the honorable. Fathers Day is more than a hallmark card moment. Happy Fathers Day to all the real men that have loved like no other, that have sweated, cried, stood tall, that have walked with grace or dragged when they could barely walk, but yet still making their loving mark. Happy Fathers Day to the men who fight to be more than a child support check, who fight to make their child(ren)’s worlds a better place than their own, to the dads who despite the drama, never expose their children to it. The real dads who will never be less. I stand tall, I salute you from my heart, I hug your soul, I love you all… This is my ode to us. Happy Fathers Day to us.

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TIME TO LET IT GO

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Recently I broke things off with the guy I was seeing. (We will call him Robert) I was really into him, but I just couldn't seem to see where he was into me and decided to stop wasting my time. After almost 9 months, I got tired of the extreme effort. I moved on and have been meeting some absolutely wonderful guys who are real gentlemen. It was not until I broke up with Robert that he actually started to show emotion. Before he was just hard on the exterior. I believe it was because he had been hurt in the past and didn't want to be hurt again. I felt it unfair that he would be emotionally detached with me because of his wanting to guard his heart. I tried to show him that I was genuine as much as I could. I mean we've all been hurt before at com point, right? The issue here is that since I broke up with him, Robert wants to see me again. We've gone out a few more times. He is extremely communicative; He wants to make a lot more time to see me and is more affectionate. He doesn't want to let go. My problem is that my feelings have changed to the complete opposite. I feel nothing for him anymore. He wants a second chance but I am not interested. I don't want to hurt his feelings. How do I find the words to tell him that I just don't feel anything for him anymore?
Signed, After The Love Has Gone


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “After The Love Hs Gone”
Sadly the time of emotional has arisen and departed at different times and the harsh truths that we hate to deliver must be given. One thing I always believed is that when giving news that could potentially hurt, two things must be measured, one is, the truth must always be told, no matter what. The second thing is trying to find a way to deliver the news in a way we would like to receive it with the least amount of pain as possible, because truth is, there will be pain. Do not mislead, and as you do so, speak that these are your feelings entirely and it may not be a direct reflection of who he is today but that the waves have shifted to a different part of the ocean. We always use these terms “keep it real” and when these hard times to do so come along; we want to keep it safe. This is your test to keep it real and safe. You once loved his heart; remember that when trying not to crush it so bad. However, always be honest about it. Good luck with this and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If I could tell you how many times me and my boyfriend broke up you would probably give me a tongue lashing. I don’t know why I can’t stay away. He has cheated on me (that I know of) 5 times and I just want to believe that he will change for us and we can just settle down. He says he has protected sex with them and gets mad if I suggest using a condom. So I give up and then I’m worried for 3 months while testing for std’s. I want him to realize that I am a good woman and to give up the trash and to settle down, what can I do different because I think I’m doing it all. From: Love Hurts


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love Hurts”
You are in a dangerous place as your situation can at any moment turn life threatening. Your submission to this man’s sexual rant about condom usage (or lack thereof) can give you an irreversible STD that you will forever regret. You wish him to give up the trash for you, yet he treats you as such, you need to find yourself worth. This man has too much power over you and not only knows it but abuses it anytime he can. You gave him a get out of jail free card more times than a monopoly board offers. When do you come first? When do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve more? How far gone are you into this man’s grip that he can abuse you mentally and stomp on your soul? You may need to seek professional help and vent, you may need a shoulder but you do NOT need him. Stand tall and find your soul. He will never change for you, he can only change for him and he has yet to seek that. You need to change this situation by safely removing yourself from it and finding a safe zone of serenity. You deserve better, I need you to believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it finally over? When can I move on and not think about my ex? I try to date women and it seems that everyone I date I end up finding something similar about something I didn’t like about my ex or something different that they don’t have that my ex has. We broke up a month ago and it was hard because we been inseparable for 3 years. She broke my heart and I tried dating right away to get over the hurt, my friends suggested that but it isn’t working. What can I do to move on?
Thank you, Outta My Mind


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Outta My Mind”
Breaking up is never the easiest for everyone. Accepting it is over and facing heartbreak can manipulate one to believe they have lost and feel defeated, and we tend to run somewhere fast to fill voids we believe are empty. Your friends may mean well with their suggestions but they don’t know what’s best. Time to heal for self is most important, time to detach is great. Looking at this situation as a victory in avoidance of a greater hurt later on should be your perception. You are hurt now but I’m sure had you not faced this hurt now, it would have been devastating tenfold later. Be stronger than your situation, you should want more but you have to heal your soul. Learn to understand that everyone is an individual and not everyone has the same storyline your ex does. If you look for it, you will find it, even if it doesn’t exist. She is not the epitome of women; she is not the statue of standard. You need to learn women as who they are, not as whom they aren’t in comparison to your ex. Please keep me posted. Good luck.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex fiancé seems to always slither his way back into my bed. I know he loves me but he does things that hurt so much. We were a couple for 4 years then got engaged for a year. In the 5 years I watched a good man become a cheating man. I do see his potential for being the good man that he was in the beginning and I think that is what draws me back to him. He is so nice at times and we have good sex, but it seems like something happens after that because by the morning he is cold to me. I don’t know if it is me or maybe it is because I’m lacking something sexually but I try anything he wants. What am I doing wrong? How can I make this work?
Signed, I Need Strength


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I Need Strength”
There is a strong sense that you mislead yourself more than he does, that you create this fictitious sense of who this guy is to allow you to embrace your role he imposed upon you as the victim. This needs a professional assistance in stronger portions than one question being asked. You say he loves you and everything he does suggests otherwise. You seek and wait for a man he once portrayed instead of seeing the man he is. And honestly calling him a man is a major disrespect to real men out there. This “male” is nice at sex time and cold when he is no longer hot and horny and you accept it, so of course he will continue to use you as easy accessible sex. You are not showing your true worth, you are allowing him to determine what that is and he has no right. You empower his cold weak cowardly shell and you wait for him to become more. He is not more than the trash he shows you he is. You need to take the time to love yourself more and to take back the power he has over you. Love doesn’t hurt, and that is a true indication that he doesn’t love you other than sexually, if he even loves you for that. You are worth so much more; you are amazing beyond your belief. You are a Queen and should be treated as such. Women make us men better and true men recognize this and you have not received that because he is NOT a true man. Want more, detach from this idiot and have more from life. Please. I recommend that you seek professional help in some fashion. Please keep me posted. Good luck.

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THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UNSURE

DEAR MR. LOVER MAN,I’m in a relationship with my woman and we are 4 hours apart. We only see each other every other weekend, sometimes we squeeze in an extra weekend here or there and its been 6 months and I am in love, so is she. Is this a relationship that can make it? Because I sometimes find myself wanting her all the time and I have to wait. Thank you from Long Distance Lover


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Long Distance Lover,
Your concern is one I find to be the norm when engaging in a long distance relationship. You want to know if I think that your relationship can make it? Of course I do, I believe love and io mean true love, has no time nor distance for existence. Some ways to make this work better is to find out what the goal is, are you guys willing to move closer, move together, is there a timeframe for that if so? These answers can give something strong to look forward to. The time you spend together must mean a lot. Express that every time you are not together, show appreciation and support. It isn’t easy for her too I’m sure. Do different things, make it more fun, ease the feelings of time apart. Skype when you can, sent letters, do not only rely on technology, become creative in expressing love. The real question here is how bad do you want this relationship to make it? True love can not be damaged by distance or time, true love will find a way until you both physically find a way. Good luck with everything, Let me know how it goes as time continues.


Dear Mr. Lover Man, I need help. I am in a bad relationship and I know its bad. We are at the end and I want to know how do you get over someone you love when they do not love you the same? Thanks, “Hard to Let Go”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Hard to Let Go,
First thing you should know is that it is not about the other person and as long as you focus on the other person, you have given more power than you should to them and not enough to for you to heal. How do you feel about yourself, what’s your self-worth to you, do you feel good about yourself? You have to be willing to embrace that YOU are the most important person in your world and that your happiness is more important than how the other person feels. Now let me ask you this, why is it important how this person feels about you if its over? Letting go isn’t easy, but it is needed, especially when you have nothing to fight for. It is un fortunate when love fizzles, fades or doesn’t exist and one party wants so much more than the other because they tend to mislead themselves about the situation and get mad at the other person for not feeling the same. You have to be more mature and stand tall. Love yourself more than your situation and know you are great. In a perfect world, love with be equally shared amongst two people but that is not going to be the case, one must learn to love unselfishly and not expect so much. Love freely and heal within. Never settle for anything less than what you are willing to give. Desire to love unselfishly and achieve it. You will encounter a greater love. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Ask Mr. Lover Man, I want to know if I should you tell my good friend that I am falling in love with her? I am feeling like she is the one. Thank you for your time. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is not a yes or no answer type of question. Lets try to analyze what could happen and how strong is this friendship. The important thing here is the friendship, you knowing the person she is and if this confession will not hurt the friendship and you truly love her than I say take a chance but one must feel more confident in this choice. What do you hope to achieve from this? Be realistic with your thoughts and assess what the situation really is. Do NOT mislead yourself. If you are not sure she will accept this then say it indirectly, tell her about a “dream” you had. Tell her how much she means to you without creeping her out. This has to be about the friendship first if the friendship really means anything to you. If she isn’t comfortable with this confession you risk the chance of altering the friendship for the worst but if she is understanding then nothing gets worse, it may just be different for a little while. How comfortable are you with possible rejection? How comfortable are you with this friendship remaining the same despite your confession? These questions need to be asked when choosing. I say go for it, let it be known how you feel. The one thing you own in any relationship is how you feel. Just don’t be imposing about it, be honest without expectation. Tell her because you want her to know and not because you expect her to say the same. Good luck with that, send me a follow up email.





Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a loving relationship, but my boyfriend is upset that we don't have sex as often as he'd like. I love having sex with him, but he's quick and there is no foreplay. He is not as big as I'd like but I've love the orgasms when I do have them. What can we do to make things better? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Communication will guide you through. Make him aware in a nice way the importance of foreplay for you, you can implement some foreplay, leading him into the action, play with yourself and ask him to help you without him using his man tool. Allow him to explore your body with you and do not let him leave that practice, express the joys of it, let his exploring be acknowledged with pleasure. Teach him your body other than your vagina. As for his size, you can teach him positions that will allow you to feel him more, you can add toys to your sexual appetite with him, Giving him the honor of pleasing you nonetheless. You have to find a way to grow sexually with him, don’t expect him to just wake up and make moves he didn’t do before. It doesn’t work that way as men are often creatures of habit. Give him new habits, he is used to it a certain way, break that way and kearn ways you both will love. Every sexual act wont be amazing, take some time to find amazing all the time. As for his releasing a bit too soon, you can help him with that too. Grab him and stroke him, ask him to inform you when he is almost there, the release him, give him time to desensitize and stroke again, do so orally and learn to do so vaginally. These practices will help him to last longer in time. Working together and communicating about what works and what doesn’t will get you both to the point where sex is nothing short of amazing. Good luck with everything.

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WHEN CONFUSION AND SEX MEET

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for roughly half a year. We became sexually involved about 3 weeks ago. My problem here is that he won't go down me. If I touch myself I can put my fingers in his mouth and he will lick it clean so I can say the taste can't be a problem. He is a good man and I can feel the love he displays but he just hasn't went down on me. He always wants me to give him oral. I assumed he should return the favor but I don't know why he won't go down on me. Please tell me something. I'm too embarrassed to ask why. Sincerely, What about me.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "What About Me"
I don't know if I can stress enough that communication is key. Your embarrassment is understandable if this conversation has not ever taken place. However, he is very comfortable with you shoving his manhood in your mouth so I'm very sure that the conversation of reciprocation should not be anything of insult. You have to address the curiosity and the pleasures you have heard of or witnessed, you must address how important that would mean to you and how hot you get when you think of him servicing you in such a way. The trick is to lure him into it with honesty. This is what you want and you will not get it by sitting quiet. The taste doesn't appear to be an issue but maybe he is worried that he wouldn't perform well. This could be a learning experience for you both, something you can grow together with and enhance the sex life tenfold. Communicate and express the level of heat it will bring to your bedroom (and anywhere else) activities. Good luck with that.


To Mr. lover Man,
My boyfriend can get on my nerves when it comes to anal sex, I mean I do it for him because he likes it and when I see it on TV I really like it but he does it so rough and hard and I'm always in pain and he has a piercing that has made me bleed twice and when I ask him to remove it or be gentle he doesn't. He says that its selfish for me to ask him to remove his piercing or change how he has sex and that he really loves me. Am I really being selfish? Truly, Pain is not pleasure


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Pain is not pleasure"
For the record you are not being selfish whatsoever, as a matter of fact you are being victimized. Unfortunately you are sleeping with someone who is even a huge idiot. I have to say that in honesty, one who compromises their physical, mental or emotional health to abuse to please such an inconsiderate asshole, you fall into the category which I mention. You have been disrespected, violated, and then told in some lame reverse psychological tactic that a 7 year old can figure out that YOU are being selfish. You need to seek help for your role in tolerating such a perverse act. You also need to consider how could someone who purposely inflicts physical and emotional harm to you for his sick psychological pleasures be worth remaining in a relationship with. Love doesn't hurt and these acts are not filled with love. Please consider seeking professional help, look into asserting yourself as this feels borderline criminal. Also re-evaluate why you are even in this situation because I have a bad feeling you should run. Please keep me posted.


Dear Dear Mr. Lover Man
I am shy in person but I love knowing that men see pictures of me in sexual poses and then getting their feedback as to how much I turn them on and what they want to do to me. I'm in a very loving relationship, is it bad that I want other men lusting over me? Is this cheating? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous"
Let me state that it is not up to me to determine if this act is cheating but up to a united decision by you and your partner. How would you feel if this was in reverse or even if he was stripping for women without you there and they were lusting over him? I don't know what to say because that's an individualized agreement between two parties. However, as for your "I'm shy but want men lusting my pics and expressing themselves" I see someone seeking validation for one or some of many reasons, one can be the lack of it at some important phase of life, it could be a sexual desire that you have to have multiple men and this is a way of psychologically fulfilling that. Many reasons have been known to answer why you are so into this. Is this a bad thing? I do not believe this to be a bad thing but then again I am not the man you are in a relationship with. I think it is perfectly fine and should be surfaced honestly. You should bring it up that you wanted to send pics to your partner and to have him\her show them to someone to see what they think and to have him report it back to you. Give him a role and maybe this will work. Men tend to show pics more often of their partner than women do anyway. Good luck with that. Keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been dating this guy for a few months (3-4) now and the sex is as strong as the relationship. Last night he asked me something that left me bewildered. He wants me to have a threesome with him and his best friend who is a guy. Being that this is his best friend, I feel a bit weird, what if we are permanent and I have to see this best friend all the time? Wouldn't that be completely weird and awkward and uncomfortable? He tells me that you live once and should try it but I am not sure about it. It seems weird that he is ok with watching his best friend do things with his girl. He says him and his best friend have been talking about it for a couple weeks. I'm curious and afraid at the same time. I'm not sure what to do. Confused


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Confused"
This seems like you both are on two different pages about what this "relationship" really is. You state a few key things that grab my eye. You have been dating 3-4 months but him and his best friend have been having this conversation for a few weeks. This leads me to believe that early on he had this planned out with his friend and waited until you were more emotionally attached and would contemplate doing this (as it appears to be true now). Also, you made a statement about you worry about what if this "relationship" becomes permanent, trust me "Confused" this will not be permanent. In such a short period of time for him and his best friend to have this plan without you having knowledge of it sounds like a threesome that they are going to love and brag about. You need to only commit yourself to acts that YOU want to do and YOU feel comfortable with and I clearly don't get that vibe from you. tell him no, tell him you are not comfortable and see how or if this "relationship" changes. If so then you know I was right, if not then at least in another time period much longer than the time you have been involved, you can entertain the thought. Do NOT mislead yourself ever about what a relationship is. Good luck. Please keep me posted.

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CHEATING AND DECISIONS

To Mr. Lover Man

Hey mr lover lover… I need help here, is it really true that once a cheater always a cheater? My boyfriend cheated on me and he reminded me of when I cheated on him last year but I have not had the temptation to do it again but I think with men it is different, so is it true that once a cheater always a cheater. Thank you, truly, innocent but not so innocent

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Innocent but not so innocent,
People tend to always blame men for being the constant cheater like there is a genetic component that forces men to cheat and it’s out of their control. This is such idiocy. For the record, statistically women cheat more than men and anyone who takes pride in that is an idiot. Cheating is a conscious decision no matter what (unless drugged but that’s another topic) and is one made individually. Can someone change, of course they can. Can someone stop cheating? Of course they can, stop listening to one liners by bitter miserable idiots who are afraid to take chances or who only attract losers. You have cheated and you stated that you have not had the temptation but that didn’t sound like you were in the clear yourself. So should he trust you? I think that counseling or some form of professional help would be suffice here and definitely would pit you in a better position amongst one another. I do wish the best for you, please keep me posted and remember that people are individuals.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Why do people who cheat tend to say that the cheating had absolutely nothing to do with their partner? Say that it wasn't that the other person was better in bed; better looking, etc. yet risk destroying their relationship? How can a person come back with it was just something that happened/something that they felt like doing for that moment and/or amount of time yet still claim to love and want to be with their partner? That just strikes me as immature, greedy and ignorant. I'd really appreciate your view on this. Thank you, Simply Me

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Simply Me
Well in my opinion the fact that one cheats is enough to ask oneself “does the costs of this relationship outweigh the rewards?” and if so, it’s time to let it go. There is no reason for cheating, EVER. The lame excuses people use are to cover their malicious, selfish, inconsiderate selves. These are ways to make them become the victim when they are actually cruel, greedy, horrible people at this time. In your question you want to know why certain things are said. In my opinion these are said to place a pillow under the fact that this person was horrible in their actions and they wish to soften it and make them look less selfish. Anyone who cheats has not taken the loss of the relationship in full account and if they did then they either felt it wasn’t worth much or they had a cemented position. If one results to cheating, they did NOT respect the other party whatsoever. As for the person saying the love the partner and wanting to be with them, well why not? At the moment of not being physically tangled with the side piece, of course they are feeling what they think is love again, of course they want their cake and eat it too. Greedy people are like that. You have to remember that they cheated, so how can you trust their words right after they cheated? Situations like this either need professional intervention or detaching in order for there to be healthy solutions. Good luck with everything.

Dear Mr. Lover Man
I have been talking to this guy for seven months now. Meet him on twitter; we started bbm each then moved to talking on the phone almost every day for several months. We started making plans to see each other. I was excited about it until I went home on a visit and the males in my family started putting doubts in my head. My sister said she would go with me but they said two women shouldn't be going either. But we were staying at a hotel n he was going to meet me there. Well while I was there visiting family. I must have changed because he said I act like I didn't want to talk to him. Well, I stopped calling him for a few months but still talked to him a bbm. I never told him why I pulled back until a few months ago. He was not happy, he said I should have talked to him about it. He has a temper, this I know from the way he writes not from talking with him. And he admits it. But back to the subject. I bbm him all the time but he don't bbm me. We talking about seeing each other again, but to me something is not right. I ask him to call me, he say he will but never do. Now he getting a iphone n he said that I still have his number we can text. He always says that it's me that don't like to talk on the phone. Should I call him? He said he’s not seeing anyone, and that he would like to see what happens with us before he does. I want t believe him but, something is not right to me, and I ask him all the time is he sure bout meeting me. He says yes. But why doesn't he call when he says he is. Or bbm me? What do u think?
Sincerely What should I do?

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear What should I do,
One thing I have always been against is the consistent intervention of family and friends when it isn’t fully warranted. I understand the concern of your siblings but they made a bias and unfair assessment thinking they had your best interest ion heart and I’m sure they did but that doesn’t make it the best choice. Ultimately you have to be content with the choices you make and no one else will ever feel what you feel when you lay your head on that pillow at night alone. Now the troubling thing is that it clearly appears to me that the intervention caused you to act different and keeping this distance for months after things seemed to progress cause this gentleman to retract his stance. He was also emotionally invested and your unexplainable changes for months before the confession can feel deceitful and unfair to the other person. It now has caused him to do the same thing it appears and there doesn’t seem to be substantial growth. As for his anger issues, this is something that should be addressed and there is definitely anger management classes that are affordable all over. I highly recommend it. Now to these unmade phone calls, this is something I call high school. I don’t believe in waiting for a call, giving cold shoulders, waiting to see who calls first, blah blah blah… These are childish and never accomplish anything. These are young minded, bitter games to give a false sense of control in a relationship instead of looking for partnership. You want to talk to him and hear his voice, then call him. He is acting a way in defense to what you have unfolded upon him and although that doesn’t make it right, it’s what’s happening. You need to step up with the same effort as you easily stepped back and make your position known. If this is what you want then go for it, do not wait and allow him to think you are playing the “fall back” game again. I don’t know if it is that he is dating and I don’t know that maybe he is protecting his heart from outside intervention that may persuade you to pull back again but unless you step up you will never know. I wish you the best of luck, please let me know how it turns out.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need advice ... I’m IN LOVE WITH 3 MEN. And I can’t seem to choose which one that I really want to be with. One makes me happy as a best friend and more but I find that I am not as physically attractive to him, the other is EVERYTHING that I could ask for and more, he is perfect and yet I’m just waiting for something to go wrong, and the other is just everything that I want but don't need because all we do is argue and fight…. help.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: The bad thing about being in love with more than one person is the misinterpreted positions they think they play. In your situation there are 3 men who probably have feelings for you being that you profess your love for them. You stating you do not know which one to choose tells me that in some degree they are not all aware that you are stuck in limbo trying to make a choice. This alone is a selfish act and before you can come to terms with making a choice, take some time to tell these men truthfully how you feel and that you are stuck between a choice of 3 and watch the choice become easier as someone will not wait around to be some contestant in your reality show. However, in searching for the “one” of three, one must ask self what is it that “I” want? What is it that makes me happy and as a unit what can we achieve. Making the best choice is not a guarantee; you have one that doesn’t catch your physical lustful eye and that kind of narrows sexual attraction unless love is so overwhelming which I’m not sure it is because of your physical confession. Then the one that is everything you want but waiting for his errors and flaws to show, in my opinion if you look for something hard enough, you will find it. Even if it is NOT there. What’s wrong with just enjoying what is happening now? Nothing at all. Stop looking for negativity and appreciate what you have. It’s ok to prepare for the worst but stop searching for it; you will ultimately sabotage that relationship. As for the one you are always arguing and fighting with, well that appears to be very unhealthy and not the one I would consider on face value. With the information given, it appears to be the least healthy of the bunch. I think you need to dig deep within yourself and take a moment away from all three in order to better assess the situation, and don’t add any more because soon you will be a VH1 special. LOL. Good luck with everything. Keep me posted.

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SEXUALITY ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS

Dearest Mr. Lover Man, My concern is as far as BSDM I'm extremely fascinated with bondage sex especially when the woman is allowed to be dominate. I do watch bondage porn and get turned on by it. I have been dominated by a male before, worn a collar and leash, been tied, whipped, paddled, gagged, blindfolded etc. I have a wonderful man, that hasn't really tried it too much yet and is willing. I would like to be more in the dominate role as a female without turning him off from it. Such as him wearing a collar, tie him up, using the whip on him or the gag on him. I would even like to wear a strap on and he sucks the dildo. I would like to bring these ideas up him as gently as possible. It is something new, and I don't want to place him in an uncomfortable spot. It does turn me on and it would love to try and share this with him but it's more enjoyable when both parties agree. What are ways to address this issue where both of us can benefit? Thank you, Rose

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Rose
New sexual acts can tend to be uncomfortable and can even shift the direction of the relationship if delivered wrong. For example, asking a man to suck a dildo you have strapped on can shut him down or turn him off, however, during conversation, expressing why it turns you on, how much you appreciate it and showing him the porn you have watched without him may lead him to expanding his sexual horizons and stretch his willingness to please you in these ways. Now in this introduction, you must not be selfish at all. Consider his feelings, learn his sexual interest, his past, his every turn on and find a way to morph that and incorporate the two worlds so you both can make it everlasting. Many men may not give in for a while, some never but find common ground, do not be fussy or pushy because numbers show that’s some of the worst sex, when one party does not really want to do something and does it just to get it over with. Sex should never have any party in that frame of mind, ever. As for collars, whips, paddles and so forth, this is not something every person will enjoy, as a matter of fact; there is always an act someone will not enjoy. Teach yourself to be open-minded to it and to be willing to readjust and maybe tone down to welcome him into a world that may be foreign. You never know, you may be turning him on to some of the greatest sex he has ever had. Good luck, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having this problem. Well I don’t really see this as a problem, but my friends do. I’m attracted to rugged looking men with beards, rough hands, rough complexion and simple talks. There are a few men who are after me, trying at me for a date, but I won’t let them; these men are clean cut well established educated men. Yet I’m just not into them. Their speech is a turn off. My friends all thinks that I’m crazy and that I need to have my head examine by a professional. What do you think? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Allow me to say that this is not foreign at all. There could be so many things happening here and ill touch a few. There is a sexual perception about this type of man as opposed to the other which does not drive you, it is believed by many that the rugged man with simple talks are passionately aggressive and very sexually inclined and that could be a factor in the attraction. You mention that speech is a turn off for the educated man and that’s interesting and leads me to wonder how deep this goes. I do not think you are crazy but there is something underneath the surface that makes me wonder. I think that a professional assessment would not be bad and it may open you to answers. In the world we live in, Tarzan is much more attractive than Bill Gates. You know what you find attractive and many people look at status over inner substance but there should always be individuality in people that reach someone. Then there is the inferiority of dealing with someone well educated and with a certain “speech” and I wonder if that is what we are talking about here. I know men and women alike who deal with people financially inferior, educationally inferior in order to remain dominate and comfortable in their own skin. Seeking professional help for a session or two can guide into answers. Please keep me posted, good luck.

Mr. Lover Man.....I have been struggling with a question for the past 4yrs now. My fascination is with oral sex more so than vaginal or anal. I get more turned on by anything that concerns the mouth, face, hair, etc. As far as oral is concerned it's not a man eating my vagina, that's my hype. I get more aroused by sucking on my man's penis than him taking care of me. For me mentally it's almost like an obsession. I love giving oral to my man a few times thru out the day, while wearing a vibrator. I love deep throating, swallowing always being faced sexed and even waking my man up to it in the middle of the night. I also enjoy the open mouth gags, large dildos any large item being placed in my mouth. My friends often make jokes about me doing this so often esp. considering the fact I doing on my man more so than him giving me oral. I do enjoy him giving me oral but it turns me on more pleasing him. This has been an ongoing issue for me for a while. So my concern is, is there more going on as far as psychologically or could this just be my intense sexual preference? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I will say that there are a few things going on here, I stand, applaud and commend your ability to want to please your man and finding great pleasure in it. Oral fixation is huge in the world, I know of cases where some people cannot have sex without oral leading the way first, there is a dominating/submissive position with oral sex. Usually the one giving the oral sex is the submissive in the unwritten role and it is a different pleasing for the individual receiving the pleasure. However, there comes a point where the role has reverse and the giver is the person in power, depending on the type of oral action. The oral movement does vary from the vaginal and anal cavities and allows a different control for the giver. I believe that control and that power to control another’s pleasures can be addicting and can also be pleasuring. I know of a woman who orgasms from giving oral sex to men and loves the control aspect. Could there be something deeper? Of course there is. There may have been a point where you may have been hurt, cheated on or used in some form and this has enabled you to feel stronger in holding on and gives you more control than you have had before this became a normal part of you. Gagging has become flattering and thrilling for men for many reasons and some cases I know, women have told me the filling of their mouths gives them a sense of strong role sexually. It is almost like a conquering feeling for them. Your friends critique should mean nothing; it’s what works for you and your man that counts here. Good luck with everything and please do not look at your sexual activity as a negative, it appears that you intend to please your partner, look to find pleasure in him pleasing you too. There is a great pleasure for him in doing so.

To Mr. Lover Man, Please tell me what is wrong with me, maybe it is not me, and so tell me what’s wrong with my man. He watches porn and I can’t stand it. I think porn is fake and slutty and does nothing but give men fantasies about woman that isn’t theirs. What can I do to take him away from porn because I don’t think it’s normal to watch porn when you have a girlfriend? This will make me happy. Danielle

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Danielle,
This is actually a question I have stumbled across more times than I thought I would and there are many reasons I have been asked. More importantly, before we go into it, I will say that there is absolutely nothing wrong or unhealthy with watching porn. Now of course I mean porn with consenting and legal adults acting while committing legal acts and anyone watching is a consenting adult. People can use porn in quite unhealthy ways but in your case you did not mention any being used. Your perception of porn is your view and really isn’t fair to him to impose this if that’s what you are doing. In a relationship there are ways to express concern without demoralizing ones interest. I feel that you need to dig within self here and find out what is it that you feel the competitive strike from women in porn for. Your disdain is so strong, yet I don’t see why? Do you feel jealous that he has an entertainment from watching other people perform sexually? Have you tried to communicate with him about this and try to understand his sexuality in total? In relationships good partners do so and I think you both should have longer talks and explore more about each other, express your concerns and don’t be afraid to use your sexuality to sway him away from the internet/television when he is in porn mode. He may just give you an overwhelming service. One last thing I want to address is that fantasies are not unhealthy either; many women have fantasies about actors and R&B singers, is this just as stupid in your book? You both have the right to have your needs addressed and attended to with full attention. State your concerns respectfully and allow him to do the same. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted.

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HELP ME FIND LOVE!!!

Dear MrLoverMan: I am having a real problem here and I hope you can help me resolve this before this situation gets more worser. I am really and totally in love with wonderful guy I met online and we had been talking for awhile now and I find him to be such a very down to earth and just a great person and I want to be truthful and up front with him tell him everything about me. I know what I'm doing is so wrong and I just know I'm going to lose this wonderful person and that he probably deserves someone far better than me and he says he loves me but I'm not the person who he thinks is. He's been hurt before and I don' think this is fair to him me doing this terrible, thing. Okay First I'm older than he is by 10 years, Ive never been married nor do I have any children. I am a very nice looking woman ok let's make that a big and beautiful woman(5'8) with a very nice personality who just wants to be happy and in love forever and somehow that's just not happening and there was a time that I was once so much in love with someone and that person was my life back a few years ago. So as of now there is no one in my life except this wonderful guy I'm talking about also we never met face to face yet. Back some years ago I never had a problem of getting a man and was outgoing in my late teen years up until a couple of years ago. I only had 2 relationships one when I was 17 in high school and a few years later on & that lasted a long time. I used to be shy and still am a little. Anyway this wonderful guy is honest about himself and I don't think he'll ever want to speak or hear from me ever again so I can't blame him I blaming myself for trying to be someone I'm not. I really do want to be with him but looks like that is never going to happen. I just want be happy and have someone to love me forever and me loving them. I know I should have just been myself and not no one else. When we talk we the conversations are always nice with no crazy stuff but I know I blew this my probably my one & only chance for true happiness. Can you help me on this?

Thank You,
Sign, Anonymous.
 
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is complex and one thing i will say is you can mislead this guy and hurt him later on in and lose him forever or take the chance in coming claen right away and trust in love. He sounds like a great guy and I am sure if you come clean and explain why you lied and why you were afraid to come clean for so long, he will hear you out. I wish I knew the exact outcome but we dont. You believe this is your true chance at a forever type of love? Well then you better earn it with some truth before the lie seeks in so deep that you lose him for good. Do not give up on him, and you must express yourself honestly and believe in love. You owe him the truth, you owe him to know about you fully as he has allowed you honestly into his life and his heart and you owe yourself the act to come clean. It is healing, tell him all he needs to know and I promise it will be healing. Ultimately you guys will have to meet, what are you going to do then? That surprise would ruin everything and you would definitely lose him. Before you ever meet him you need to come clean long before like ASAP. Please keep me posted as to what unfolds, good luck and I hope it turns out best for you guys, no matter where that ends.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am in fear of getting hurt. I haven't had positive experiences with dating men. I am currently finding that a protective shield goes up when I start to have feelings for someone. I find that I would like to meet someone, but I am scared that the person will hurt me so I pull back the minute I start to have feelings. I find that I over analyze and label every little behavior as an indication that the man is no good so it's easier to move on without him. I am able to let people in but then I pull back.. I feel very depressed when I am hurt so I decrease my chances by not being hurt by pulling back. I have problems brushing it off like some others are able to do. Is this normal behavior? Should I avoid dating? Should I take the chances of being hurt even if it's hard for me to bounce back and stay positive? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Sadly this happens more than it should and that’s what the trauma of heartache can do. I am very concerned here though because I know these feelings well and there a ways of overcoming, one is to consider a professional to speak to. There are things you are holding on to that you must let go in order to move forward and I’m not sure how far back they go. The fear of being hurt cannot and should not take more action than the willingness to be appreciated, learned about and loved. You are allowing the fear the paralyzing power that it should not have and I need you to take a stand from within. Take slow steps but strong steps, do not over assume anything about anyone and measure what it is that is being delivered to you. Do not allow this fear to mask your heart and your intelligence. Trust me, the fear that is so strong that it can shut you down or pull you back can and probably has hurt someone’s feelings whom didn’t deserve to be hurt. In order for you to be successful in dating, you must address the inner hurt that has empowered fear. You haven’t had positive experiences, re-cap them and ask what role did you play and work only on that. You cannot fix others but see if maybe you have taken wrong steps or approaches, this usually helps and allows one to heal and move forward. Some people are assholes and some are wonderful, it’s never easy to sort it out right away and at times disappointment and hurt lurk in the clouds waiting to loom in and enter our lives. There is also love, compassion, trust and understanding and they also wait to emerge from within because you have that within already. You must learn to let it surface and trust in yourself to analyze without over analyzing and assess accordingly and ask questions, feel the position and make decisions of rationale on not solely based on emotion. I wish you the best, please stay in touch to let me know how things turn out and good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, So, this is my question....I am in a "relationship" with this guy cause we are having sex. I was told by someone I know that even if you are having just a physical relationship with someone you are still in a relationship. So we dated in the past and we are recently just getting back in touch. No this is my problem..... I honestly like this guy I love the attention he gives me when he is around me, but that hasn't been much the case. I would love to be in a real relationship with him yet I don’t think that he is in that place right now. So I am not trying to be tooo much on him and I would love for him to wife me up but I do not know what to do. Should I stay and try to just be patient and wait or is this only ever going to be a physical relationship. Miriam

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Miriam,
First thing is that once the situation remains just a sexual relationship it often doesn’t progress because of its basis of sex. Yes you guys dated in the past but this relationship is based on sex and gives the message to the guy that he is being used for company and sex and it appears that he is embracing his role well,. The only way this changes for better or worse (and usually better) is to address it maturely. I have a saying I say (Mr. Lover Man exclusive LOL) “Never deny your mouth the chance to be the spokesperson for your heart”. With that being said, you must not live in your brain, assuming it will turn out find if you just let things happen, sometimes one must stand tall and make their position known and this is that time. If he doesn’t want more than you can either accept it as just sex or move forward without him but you well know where you truly stand. Don’t deny yourself truth. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.


Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am extremely busy and find that dating can be time consuming if you're seeking a serious relationship and not just a casual relationship. I'm unable to date several times a month like most singles that are eagerly looking for someone who is compatible. I am aware that I can observe things such as subtle cues or sexually explicit remarks to detect if a man is just interested in sex. The problem is that you can't always tell. I find it very frustrating receiving no callbacks because I wasn't intimate with him on the first date. Do you suggest that women who are looking for serious relationships discuss sex before going on the first date? I find it would save a lot of time, but I find the latter very uncomfortable. Any suggestions? E.C.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear E.C.
I will say that time is definitely an issue when establishing something concrete or serious in any matter. It definitely is frustrating not to receive a call back but I propose this, do not always wait for a call, and make a call if the interest warrants a call. From that call you will know where this person stands. Are you aware that about 20% of men that don’t call after a date feels that the woman wasn’t interested? That may be one situation you were in and never knew it. Of course one can say the guy should call and tough it up and find out but equally you can make the call. We are at points where the man and woman’s roles have been changed, mixed, morphed, played with and reconstructed to individual situations and for me that’s great. Try making a call to see where they stand, ask about a recap of the date, it’s safe and gives you a good standing ground. Sadly, one can never know all the time every person’s agenda if there is one and one cannot always find fairy tale romance but one can safely take chances. The topic of sex is very mature when approached right, but don’t just interject it to test a person’s interest because most people meet and date at first because of physical attraction. Good luck E.C.

.Dear Mr. Lover man, I have heard stories of people taking looking for a serious relationship so seriously that they go on several dates a week. The hunt for someone becomes almost a f/t job on the side. I have never taken that approach. Do you feel that people who are looking for a serious relationship should be eagerly looking for that special someone like it's a business? Or do you believe that you don't find that special someone when you're out hunting? What is your opinion? Does it really happen when you least expect it? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I honestly am a believer in beautiful stories and I believe in finding beauty in every story. There is not time nor distance to love or happiness, I often repeat that because it is something I have believed in with proof. As for the manhunt for love, that is something so many of us wish was such an easy mission. At times we seek out to find something and if we look hard enough we think we find it, even when it doesn’t exist. Dating is fine but multiple people a week to find “the one” sort of becomes misleading or makes one get burned out to the point of settling. I think every situation is individual and the rules of societal norms mean nothing. One may find love by multi-dating but I see that less often than by learning about one individual at a time. I have seen, heard and lived situations where love does happen when you least expect it, one should never make the assumption that anyone could be “The one” but should learn about people and see if there is enough to pursue. Good Luck Anonymous.

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