Saturday, July 31, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
The man I love told me he is not in love with me & we want two different things. I feel he lied because all this time I been telling him I love him and he been telling me he loves me back but he really never have meant it. I still love this boy to this day and I still want to be with him but I just want to get over him and not think about him at all. I keep trying to say the right things so he can come back to me but he still want to be with his ex and he still love her and I think that's what hurt the most. Thank you “Lost Love”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lost Love”,
Situations like this happen and so many times we associate this with a lost or wonder what we can do to win them back as if they are some gift and that is not the case at all. First thing that one must realize is that the education from the situation is the true gift, take time to assess and realize that one does not want to be chased by you so stop running after him. You need to step back and live your life. I know it sounds easier than it is but he made a decision and despite whatever words he lied to you about in the past, you can not live by those words and not live by his words that he wants his ex over you. Use the truth to detach. He is done with you, that may hurt but you need to want better for you and he is not that answer. No matter what “right things” you think you are saying, you need to do the right things for you. He is not for you. Love yourself more and be better for you. Good luck, please keep me posted

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I broke up with my girl about a month ago, because I was unhappy with how things were going. We decided to work on ourselves for about a month, but she didn't work on herself, she stayed angry at me for 3 whole. We even tried no contact, and we that didn’t work, I only initiated contact once...And the other 2 or 3 times she contacted me first. She's told me she's changed for the better, and when I told her she needs to prove to me that she has changed, she said she can't because she "isn't ready". She says she doesn’t know what the future would bring, but she knew she couldn't do this right now. She told me she still loves me but she isn't in love with me as much as she used to be since we broke up. Do you think she will come back? Because I've always heard if she loves you, she will find her way back. What do you think? Appreciate it “”IDK Anymore”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “IDK Anymore”
Sometimes a break can make one realize that the best thing is not to return. Her statement of not being ready and no longer being in love the same are clear signs that she is entertaining opting out of this relationship and you should consider the same. One cant hold on to someone who doesn’t wish to be held. She isn’t ready and she may never be ready for you. She may find herself ready to move on elsewhere and it has been a month and to me time isn’t set in stone, so for everyone time differs, but the conversation of seeing other people should be made. You cant hold on if she is thinking of a permanent escape. Ultimately you have to be happy too and you wont be holding on if she doesn’t want you. Of course she may want to return to your arms but you need to communicate about other alternatives to know more or less where you stand because at this point she seems to be most clear about not being ready for you. I wish the best for you. Please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I was in a good relationship which, for me, ended from one day to the next. It didn't take my ex more than 3 weeks to find himself a new romance. In the mean time while he is off with his new romance, I am a wreck-not eating, sleeping little, and feeling bitter by his actions.
I asked people and the most common excuse I've heard for my ex's behavior is "Well, he can move on faster because in his mind it's been over a while so he prepared for it"
Is that supposed to justify his actions and make how they end the relationship without fault? I'm very interested to hear your perspective on this? Where is the accountability? “What About Me”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “What About Me”,
Sometimes not knowing is something that will be the way it will permanently end. There are however possible reasons for his sudden actions and one could be very well what people are offering as a common answer and that is that he already processed it was over. He may have done so long before the actual “sudden” break-up so for him to break-up from one day to the next was not so sudden to him as it was to you. Seems like lack of communication, definitely on his part but I wonder if on yours as well. Does this justify his actions? Depends on the aspects of the relationship, if you were cheating, or doing things of that nature then he had no reason to honor you by justification, however, if you tried your best and he just wasn’t into you then the honorable thing to do would be to communicate. Reality is that many people (men & women alike) are not the most honorable persons they could be. So where does that leave you? Well first thing is that you may consider counseling of some for, because your actions of sleep & eating deprivation worries me. His choice to move on may be heart breaking but its his choice. Time waits for no one and as harsh as that sounds, you need to consider your next move without him. You are wonderful and you need to love yourself again, and love yourself even more than ever. Do things you always wanted to do and didn’t and make this healing process about you. Prepare for tomorrow, do not carry yesterday with you because it weighs too much and will hold you down. Want more and be more and you will get more, that I promise. Good luck with everything, please stay in touch.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex and I had a good relationship, there was a good balance. For no apparent reason, out of no where, one day he stopped talking to me. I tried to talk to him but he told me he needed to focus on finals. A month later he broke up with me for no reason. He told me something vague. Then he told me we're not compatible, which was crap. Though I am sure he wasn't dating anybody else. I think he's immature. We had minimal socialization in the time period away. One day after a month I was walking by him and his friends and they were saying some stupid stuff and laughing loudly whenever I would walk past them. Even when we were together he flip flopped from being a true gentleman and sometimes laughing at me for not knowing certain things he knows.
Now, a year later he sends me a message asking me if it'd be too much to ask to be friends with me.
I don't get it. And I don't know if I must respond to it or not. I do really like him, but I don't know if this is just a game, in which case I want nothing to do with it.
Did he finally realize we were good together? Or is this for a booty call?. Help please. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Don’t go ahead of yourself here with the misleading. Even wondering if all of a sudden he may have “realized” you guys were good together can lead you to further heart break. There is a strong chance that is not the case and that’s perfectly fine. You need to remember that on more than one occasion he has abandoned you or mocked you and although there are good points, it appears the bad outweighs them. He has not even made any indication to want anything more than friendship and I’m not sure how much of a friend he would be. He may abandon you when you need to talk, it isn’t the friendship I need nor would want. Not in the least. As for his sudden leaving, if he doesn’t give you solid reason then just accept the truth that he abandoned you without forewarning and realize you deserve better and you are warranted much more. You can NOT wait for Mr. Wrong to turn into Mr. right, you do not owe him a response and if you choose to, be very clear about the relationship you choose to enter, whether friendship, or associates. Don’t re-enter leading with your heart because he sure as heck isn’t. You need to solidify that you are healing so you do not enter wounded and susceptible to being his prey. Be strong, always remember your true worth and be more always. Good luck, keep me posted.
Note to all Answer Seekers: There very well have been signs in each and every one of your relationships that we often ignore, misinterpret or see late. Question these signs always, dont mislead yourself or ignore them. I wish the best for you all.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My question is not an easy one. Here goes my story, I was in a relationship with this woman for 3 years, then one day she decided to break up with me and that same week she just got with some dude who she met online while being with me and moved in with him that week. They were together for about a year and me and her became friends somewhat. She confided in me that he treats her badly and talks to her like she is worthless. It hurts me because I still love her, she has changed somewhat because now she has been sleeping with men and says it’s because of the hurt she is going through in her relationship. I am one of them men she has slept with and I want to attempt to work it out but now she wants to just run and relocate to another state. What do I do to get her to work things out with me? I’m confused. Thank you, Will I Am Not.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Will I AM Not”,
There is a problem here that you are not highlighting and I do not know if it is because you simply do not see it or do not see it. Your ex has issues, and her issues stem from well before this guy who treats her bad. She obviously created a dialogue with a person while with you. Played you for a period of time until she could make her escape to another man’s residence and this time she hit a wall. There must be something in her past that suggests the type of person she is and maybe you didn’t take the time out to learn your partner well enough. Never fret, this is educational and you need to learn to take care of what’s best for you. As for you trying to convince her of not making the move, for all you know she could have plotted this same behavior again and has some other online guy in another state waiting for her arrival. You can’t be “Captain Save Em”. She doesn’t choose to pursue you or any other man in your neighborhood for anything more than sex and maybe a place to live, however, what about your heart? What about your happiness, do you not feel you deserve more than this. Her sleeping with men has absolutely nothing to do with one guy treating her bad. Did you treat her bad when she decided to just lave unannounced one day and into the residence of another man? You need to talk to a professional, have a session, learn your full value, wear that value and attract a good woman that will love, honor & cherish you as you should her. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am dating this guy that has a baby’s mother and I’m confused because I don’t know what to make of the situation. They seem to get along well, I wonder if it is too well. They act like good friends and her man and my man even act like they are friends. We all have gone out and it’s not like he gives any of them more attention than me, but I never really see this and I wonder what is really going on. I mean, if they this cool, and then should I be worried that she and him have a chance to get back together? Thanks for responding. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
You should not be emailing me this, you should be taking this time to push your man in bed and give him the thank you of a lifetime. What you have is a very mature situation where two people realized they are better as friends and parents and have no intention of going past that. Never bring thoughts from other situations into that. This is an individual situation worthy of bragging. The fact that your man and her man are cool is maturity on a level all parents who do not wish to pursue a relationship should be on. You are welcomed into a world of love. The child is blessed to have this “family” and I can see where your concern comes in but I always like to say “If you look for negativity, you will find it, even if it DOESN’T exist.” These situations are a model situation and wish the total best for you all. Please keep me posted, I have a feeling that once you get past these thoughts, your relationship will enhance tenfold.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and I am wondering why he hasn’t let me meet his 5 year old son yet. I’m wondering if his son even knows that his father has a girlfriend. I want to be more with him but I feel like he just doesn’t let me into that part of his life and isn’t that important? I want to ask him but I don’t know how. Should I ask him or wait, it has been four months. Much Thanks. Kima

I see where your concern comes in, however, it is unwarranted. The time of your relationship may not sit well with your boyfriend in accordance with an introduction of his son. His son being 5 years old makes this a security issue as well. I can see your eagerness to “solidify” this relationship by being a part of his most precious world and it is understandable but a parent must always be careful. Ask about his son, show concern, and ask about his son’s likes and dislikes. These are ways of showing genuine concern and enable a parent to feel it from within. Four months or 14 months doesn’t warrant a meeting, but the level of concern and love expressed does. Trust me, instead of asking when you will meet him; make him want you to meet his son with your heart. Good luck with everything, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know if I should be upset or not but when my girlfriend goes out with her female friends she gets kind of drunk and she tends to have their short kissing sessions with her friends and or these body touching moments where her and her female friends touch each other’s body parts. I don’t know how to take this, should I take this as a tease and ask for a three-some, should I be upset that she is doing this with another, even though it’s women? I’m really confused and don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling. Can you shed some light? Mr. Confused Boyfriend

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Mr. Confused Boyfriend,
First thing you have to acknowledge is how you feel. That will give you a ledge on where to go with this situation. Once you are more familiar with this then bring a conversation of it. If it turns you on tell her that you love to watch her kiss women, and that because you take part in kissing her you really never viewed it. Express your curiosity of her feelings and thoughts and how far is she into it. If you have dislikes about this then you need to address that ASAP. Never allow that to fester and build within because then it will come out to be negative and destructive and you do not want that. I cannot tell you what you are supposed to be feeling but being that she does this in front of you can mean many things, it can be that she is simply a bad drunk and can’t make reliable decisions, it could be that she wants you to know another side of her and being drunk is the best way to comfortably show you, or it could be that she wants involvement from you. I know that in order for you to find out, you are going to need to communicate with her. Having effective communication will open her up to how she is feeling and you will learn more on how you are feeling. No matter what way it sways, you will learn something you need to learn. Good luck and keep me posted.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How can one increase the sexual activity in a relationship that seems to have reduced in the course of time? Between working long shifts and my husband working shifts, its either we are too tired or finding ourselves in position to cover everything else to maintain the home. What can I do to spark the relationship exually again? This is a 12 year relationship with the last 2 years dull in the sack if in the sack at all. Thank you much. “I Want That Old Thing Back”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I Want That Old Thing Back”,
This seems to be more common than anyone wants and there are ways to conquer without abandoning the relationship. Communicate these issues, don’t nag them, don’t make a complaint into a denate, speak about concerns and try to implement solutions, like maybe you guys may want to consider making a special “sex day” where you post it on the refrigerator, it can heighten sexual pleasure as these days get closer. Also never be afraid to stop him in the middle of his tracks for a quickie, bring that explosiveness back. The best quickies are before work, not even coffee can start your day better. Do things you once did in your earlier stages of dating, leave little notes of love and appreciation. Buy fancy underwear and pop up out of nowehere while he is on the couch (not during the super bowl ha ha) and just straddle him. Do not allow him time to talk, learn him again and make him remember whats missing. Make a date to go out and do things that are not sex related, feel his passion and love again, talk, renew your vows unofficially. There are so many ways to revive what seems to be a sexually frustrated relationship. We seem to feel time is aginst us, but we can always squeeze time in if it means that much to us. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know what im doing wrong but my girl told me she gets turned on by fingering her, so I try to do that and im thinking im doing something wrong because she doesn’t seem too thrilled by it. Maybe im doing something wrong. What do you suggest because I really want to please her, she is the love of my life and she is my only partner, I am 21 and she is 25 and we have been together 9 months and I really want to make her happy. Is there like a special fingering move I can learn? Thanks from “Handy Man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Handy Man,
Well, first thing, I commend you for your willingness to be unselfish and wanting to please your partner the best way possible. Before I give any form of advice or any description on how to position your fingers, make sure you always communicate when in doubt (or not in doubt). Ask her how she feels, communicate before hand and tell her you want to learn to please her and need her guidance until you perfect it. It is her body, it is the woman you confess your love to, so why not speak about it? Communication is the most vital part of any relationship. Now try this here, inserting your index finger and your middle finger slowly, making sure she is either self lubricated or assisted you want to have those two fingers belly up. You want to make sure the middle finger finger reaches as far as you can alsmost to the belly button where you will feel what is now being considered the “A-Spot”, this is a zone of pleasure, at the same time your index finger will be bent slightly so not to reach as far as the middle, where you will be at the “G-Spot” while having your thumb right outside in a thumbs upposition playing with the clitoris. This not only touched 3 vital points of pleasure but will definitely enhance whatevers next to come. Don’t be savage about it, allow her to dictate the amount of pressure and speed required for her pleasure and you will become the king of the golden hand. Good luck with everything.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I convince my boyfriend to let me tie him up or handcuff him to the bed. This is really something that I get my most sexual pleasure from but my man is really not trying to budge. I mean we been together for 3 years, he should trust me, I would let him do it, what should I do to get him to pleasure me by letting me do this? Thanks a million, “Lisa”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lisa”,
This can be a hard sell, but before you try to become sales person of the year, take a few things in consideration, have you communicated about his level of trust, maybe he has been traumatized at some point and he hasn’t been able to discuss this and that’s why being unable to have the ability to roam free at will may not be the turn on it is for you. Is it impossible to get him to try it? Of course not. Will this guarantee he will try it? Of course not. However, it will open up some areas of much needed communication that has been lacking in your world. You assume he should trust you, and maybe he does but does he trust the situation? Ask him. You say you would let him do it, but have you offered it? You should, you should introduce videos of the same nature while expressing what it is that turns you on and how your being turned on will benefit his sexual pleasure. You seem to have just wanted it done but you need effective communication, try thoat and you may just have your wish. Don’t forget to have a spare key for those handcuffs. Good luck with everything.

Dear Mr. lover Man,
Why does it seem that all the sexual fun is in the begginning then it gets boring? I have been with 4 different men in my life and cant be sexually satisfied with them past two years. What can happen to keep me interested longer than two years? I really find the same few positions boring and although those are my faorites, it isnt like he is going to change his width, size or strength in his stroke. It gets boring and I need someone new but I really love this guy and don’t want to keep sleeping around. What is the best thing to do? “Two years is not enough”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS Dear :”Two years is not enough”
Unfortunately, in many relationships the participants allow the fire to dim. You play a role as well, it isnt about your partners ability to grow in ways that are not possible, or for him to gain a super human pump strength to fit your new found needs overnight, it is about your willingness to communicate and want it to enhance so much that you invest in communication and you become willing to also try new things outside of the few positions deemed your favorite. Make it spicier, be more spontaneous, talk more, grab him out of no where, pin him to the wall, service him, have him return it. Be willing to watch movies and be educated together on the willingness to invite new sexual positions, toys, foods, etc into your relationship. Be more than those constant two years you deliver/receive. Men and women both are not as sexually educated as they wish, many arent fully aware of their bodies sexual potential or the full potential the body feels in pleasure. Sex can and often does heighten the chemistry and is healthy for the relationship. Be more than sex with your partner, but when you are sex, be fun, new, spontaneous and amaze him. This will infect him with the equal willingness to do so in return.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

There seems to be a constant problem in my relationship. It has been almost 9 years to the day that I met my boyfriend and minus about a year we broke up, we have been together the entire time. We got back together after that year off about 6 months ago. The problem is I cheated on him, got pregnant and although I miscarried, he always throws the cheating in my face every time we argue. The sex between us is different, the passion and love seems to have lessened and its more of just him being aggressive and getting his “satisfaction”. This hurts my feelings because we were more loving before and I want that back. Honestly I wasn’t going to keep the baby because the man I cheated with didn’t have any intention to have this baby and I felt alone. It just feels like every argument, no matter how big or small he throws it in my face. How can we get past this? Thank you “Looking for forgiveness”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Looking for forgiveness”,
First, you have to be aware that your boyfriend is still overwhelmed by a traumatic situation such as your cheating and being impregnated by the next man. It is obvious that its still holding a huge impact in his relationship with you and one can never give an exact time period for healing, however, there are ways to speed it a little bit. He deserves to be relieved of this trauma and to be able to play a healthy role in a relationship. The sex is different because he sees you different, because he feels different, there just very well may be a thought of you and the next man and that leads to his unloving aggression sexually, sort of him letting out the frustration. It isn’t right on either party to endure and you guys need to either consider ending this or communicating better to fix this. Counseling is something I highly recommend and I hope you guys seriously look into that. Sadly your horrible decision to cheat had consequences that affect you both deeply and until he can accept this without problem, this will always be an issue and the anger may grow and the arguments even more nastier than it is now. Communicate more effectively, admit you are wrong and how much you know you hurt him, offer the willingness to get counseling and admit the lengths you are willing to go to save this relationship on your part, if you truly feel its worth saving. I wish you guys the best. Please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I was dating my ex boyfriend for 3 years. And I am convinced of his love for me. No man has ever treated me as such a lady. I am writing this knowing this is all my fault and I just want help. In the beginning he told me he was the jealous type but was working on it and I would purposely do things to play on his jealousy. Every time we had a disagreement or argument I would threaten to leave. I guess he got tired of it because the last argument we had, he actually packed my things and told me to leave. I never wanted to break-up and I realize that now. My heart needs him back, I come to see him here and there but he tells me that me coming around isn’t good for the break-up. I want him back, what do I do? Thanks “Break up to Make up”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Break up to Make up”,
I guess this is a great case of “calling your bluff”. I think your childish antics have caught up with you. Your purposely making him jealous took away from time you could have been loving him, which would have increased your chances of being together right now. Your constant threats of leaving probably made him feel like you always wanted a way out, instead you should have showed him how much you wanted to stay. Hopefully this is a true lesson learned and one that can be recovered from. Don’t just wallow in your own sorrow, communicate with him better, don’t just ask him back, be more proactive and show him. Take responsibility for whatever role you played that ended the relationship. Don’t mention or focus on his role or part, you must sincerely address yours and yours alone. Stay focused on your goal and be totally honest with yourself and him always. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My fiancĂ© and I are due to be married next year. We been together 4 years and engaged about 6 months. He has always been uncomfortable with the fact that my ex and I are friends. I tell him not to worry but he doesn’t like us hanging out alone. I never saw a problem with it until he and his ex began a friendship and them hanging out alone irritates, annoys, angers the hell out of me. Am I being a hypocrite for this? I am willing to end my friendship with my ex if he would with his but he isn’t willing to do so. What can I do to fix this? Sincerely, “He’s Mine”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “He’s Mine”,
I guess this is one of those karma moments or one of those what goes around moments, however, this really makes me wonder, why would you now give up a friendship you weren’t willing to give up before? Sounds suspicious to me, I mean if this is just an innocent friendship you had, why offer to execute it? Just because you feel the same uncomfort he did? This is suspect, however, this can be resolved with strong communication. Tell how you feel and how you understand how he felt, reassure him of the nature of your friendship in total honesty. I used to always say, only worry about it if you were doing something you shouldn’t in your situation. If your friendship was innocent then it cant possibly be so far fetched to believe his is innocent as well. As for if you are being a hypocrite, well one could say yes but that is not relevant right now, right now what’s relevant is communication that is not accusatory or not angry. Express honest feelings and be mindful his constant uncomfort of your friendship did not end your friendship so you cant possibly expect the same. Maybe there can be a common ground, maybe you all can go out together, break the ice and allow everyone to feel comfort with one another. Hope this works out for the best, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man.
My boyfriend cheated on me and purposely was sloppy about it, then tells me he only did it because I had done it to him a year prior to that. I think that was childish and just plain out right ignorant of him. When I made my mistake it was a year ago. Like, why would you do that now? What should I do? He says now I know what he felt and that now we can move on. I don’t know what to do. Thanks “Confused”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear :Confused”,
I think you both are childish in both of your decisions. I think that he thought it was right but instead now there may be two broken bitter hearts when there should have been none and one thanks to you. Cheating is disgusting and horrible at all levels, as I’m sure you feel now that he has cheated. For the record, this can be survived if you both are serious about healing from these wounds and becoming one again. Be the better person and admit your wrong doings, admit how you feel and what you will do to reassure him your actions will never repeat itself with cheating. Also suggest couples counseling and ask how he feels about it. Allow him the chance to express himself and learn your partner. Learn from this and hopefully you both grow from this. If it doesn’t seem like you both can get over this then you will have to consider the option of breaking up. Hopefully the best for you both comes out of this. Please keep me posted