Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

So.....this is my problem. I do not have any type of faith in men. I have been hurt more times then I can remember, therefore I do not even put myself out there for the possibility. I know that is not healthy blah blah blah but there is this guy that just seems to be perfect. We have dated in the past and I have pulled one of my moves to push him away and it lasted for a couple of months. Now out of the blue he hits me up. I am not planning on fucking him, but I am planning on trying to put myself out there. Do you think this is a stupid move? I understand many men I am a female with more male friends then anything, but I can not figure him out what so ever HELP… Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Well, I see this common problem and I always wish that people would seek someone professionally in a one on one setting. What you do not need is to keep trying to figure men out, that’s not your niche, and you are not great at that no matter how many male friends you have. Your words that show you have been hurt more times than you can remember shows that maybe something you are doing plays a role. Those issues that have attributed to your being hurt more times than you can remember need to be addressed in order for real healing to begin. Your quest to figure out this guy who you are considering giving a chance to isn’t going to help. You are no man expert, what you need is to e a “YOU” expert. You willing to take a chance is great and I truly wish you the best but the one thing that screams out to me here is that you need to fix something within. Talk to him honestly, share your feelings and concerns, trust that he can handle the honest conversation as long as its tone is real and with true emotion, I would love to know this story turns out in the greatest of endings, please keep me informed of its progress.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Hello Mr. Loverman - I wonder if smart, confident men are frightened by me or simply not fully interested in me. Please give me your take. I seem to attract men who have low self-esteem. They tend to be extremely attracted to my beauty and confidence. However, I am attracted to men with high self-esteem. Smart men seem to admire me and my confidence, but they keep their distance and seem afraid to have a "real" relationship with me. They almost seem to be afraid of the idea that two smart, sexy, confident people could be together (like it would be too good to be true). I wonder if "real long-term relationships" can only occur between two people who are opposites. I notice that in many relationships and marriages there is typically one "weaker" person paired with a more "dominant" personality. Rarely do I see two dominant people together - but that is what I desire. I DO NOT want to be the only dominant person in a relationship - although I have a naturally domineering personality (which seems to attract weaker men). Am I being unrealistic to expect a match with an attractive, confident man? Many men have called me "dangerous" or "too much". Women have even complimented my confidence level and seem to admire my natural ability to lead. Although this may seem flattering, it's really annoying - because I may have to settle with a man who has low self-esteem, since that is what I seem to attract the most. What is your take on this? Thank you in advance for your advice. Ms. Confident seeking Mr. Confident

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Ms. Confident seeking Mr. Confident,
First thing I want to say is that I stand tall, tip my hat and applaud a woman of strength and strong self confidence. I want to immediately state that smart and confident men would not be intimidated by this or they would not e smart and confident men. Academia alone doesn’t determine smart, corporate or financial status doesn’t determine confident, and I say this because I’m not sure how you are measuring men on a smart and confident level. Another thing I want to eliminate is the notion that you are being unrealistic to expect an attractive confident man, you are being VERY realistic and many situations I am intimately familiar with have a dual strong base and both parties strong in aspects the other may note but strong nonetheless. Your natural ability to lead is something I think is wonderful but I wonder if the men you call “smart and confident” perceive your natural ability to lead as maybe something else. This is something you should really think about and yearn to want to find answers to. Some men and women with equal academia and financial success still have totally different perceptions to the same situation. Your domineering personality will tend to attract weaker men because some weaker men love the motherly figure, the notion that someone will take charge for them and assist. Unless you are willing to settle (and I am anti-settle for less) you need to find out how you are coming across to these men in a relationship setting because your ability to lead may be too bossy or whatever someone may see that you don’t. I never met a man who is what I consider smart and confident want a weaker and less successful woman. That wouldn’t make him too smart. Studies from all over actually show that men find strong confidence way more sexy and appealing than low self esteem. Ignore the stereotype and search. Please keep me posted and I want an invite to the wedding you will have because of this. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What I found is that in most every question posed to you the people asking the questions are merely asking questions about having sex... no one speaks about making love!!! Is making love becoming a lost to mere primal urges and getting "pounded" as you say?? First having studied different aspects of love and relationships, and touching and pleasing the human body one thing I have found is that if a spiritual connection between two people is involved it brings far more satisfaction than what one can do by physical means alone. You satisfy the soul, physical satisfaction will explode in firework fashion. Grace and finesse can bring extreme pleasure where aggression can bring pain, shame and darkness. Too many men want to execute penetration by slamming it in, rather that making a loving, caring, slow entry. I can tell you from my own standpoint, (and I speak for myself and no one else) that there is nothing more creepy, nothing more painful and nothing more fearful to me in the bedroom than to have a man do that to me. I'm no virgin but it still remains that way to me after all these years. That happens and I look for the nearest and fastest escape right then and there.
On the other hand having the act executed with real love is pure splendor, emotionally, physically, spiritually all the way. And men who believe they themselves cannot attain those heights of ecstasy are cheating themselves.
Having studied a variety of massage techniques all the way from deep tissue to gentle touch to erotic, I know that men can find incredible pleasure in such applications given by a woman who does so with love. Here again, I speak for myself, I personally could spend hours exploring a man's body, seeking to build him up to the greatest heights of pure bliss while giving all of myself to him from the depths of my heart as well.
Gentle caresses and soft touches and deep gazes into eyes with soft sincere whispers of loving words are an amazing combination in the love making experience. But also take some time to adequately prepare. Have the body oil warm. Water-based lubricants can feel so amazing if you wrap the bottle in a heating pad beforehand. Put on a CD of a thunderstorm and light some candles. Nothing too perfumey though. Something mild and earthy is a great way to warm things up. Turn off the bright lights. Spend time talking; I personally love that with a glass of good red wine. And you are 110% right about making eye contact; I think that's so important on so may levels. Not only is it incredibly sensual but it also allows one to read their loved one's expressions. "Is what I'm doing feeling good to him?" "Is there any signs of discomfort or disinterest?" And when those sentiments are reciprocated toward me it then makes me want to give things and do things that I might ordinarily feel uncomfortable or apprehensive about giving and doing. For instance, while I love to give oral sex, I need to trust someone a lot in order to feel comfortable in receiving it. And there is nothing that will send my heart racing and set the fires blazing than for a man who loves and cares for me to "Take Me!!!" And I mean "TAKE ME"!!! LOL!! But that has to come after that trust and that trust comes through love. Can you kinda see what I'm saying? If that makes sense to you and only if you agree then perhaps you might wanna relay the message in your own words to your subscribers but that is totally up to you. And if you don't agree then that's fine too. Just thought I'd throw my two-sense in. Any who... I do so love your blog. And will be looking forward to reading your future posts. Sincerely Love Still Exists.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Love Still Exists,
I want to say I honor your mind and heart with all that I am. I think that our society has taking a turn from the passionate love making with that soulful connection in exchange for animalistic sexual pleasure. With saying that, I do NOT mean that as a whole, I mean that to say that our movies reflect that, our music reflect that, studies show that porn access is easier and the aggressiveness in it is at an all time high and it is one of the leading influences in sexual activity. Does passionate love making from within exists? Of course, I think what people are asking is for improvement in areas to improve in learning a momentary pleasing. These short moments can and will lead to long term pleasing. The act of love in a sexual form is the greatest physical act known to the human species, and I wish that was a bigger demand that the random sexual pounding. Time and age changes the demand and aggression in sex is higher than it’s ever been statistically and although its how society has shifted, it doesn’t make it the only physical sexual expression. Most women I converse with wish to experience both and a majority of them tell me they never made love but have had incredible sex. I 100% see where you are at and I agree with you, but people that have experience animalistic sex without the passionate tender caring that you describe really don’t search for what doesn’t exist in their world. The message should be conveyed without being swayed. Your words are a great start and I appreciate that. Making love doesn’t come from the genitals; it comes from the depths of the soul and the core of the heart, the body is just the messenger of these feelings in a physical form. In 2010 we should bring back love making, LOL. Hope that made you smile. Thank you so much for this post and I look forward to more from you, maybe even a post of your own. Thank you.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love this man; I enjoy him in diverse ways. I could make you a list at a moment’s notice. In my heart I want him for my own forever. Stepping back for a moment to say that in areas of life, I arrive at important decisions through logic. I need to understand who he is. I like his spirit and who he is to mebut as I have observed him indirectly via social media I wonder who is that guy? I can’t seem to reconcile these different versions of him and for me this raises concerns. I crave the peace and assurance of knowing my guy and when I see these sides of him I don’t feel sure I do accurately know him. Whats happening here? Double Take

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Double Take,
I see your concern and this is the case of the social media invasion. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc have invaded our homes more so than we like to admit. It has become as relevant as your computer itself or cell phone. Many people use this to test certain areas of life and have a free audience to receive a free response, is he trying to convey something and what exactly is it that he is doing that raises concern? The normal thing is usually the flirtatious nature in which these sites make so easy. It is safest to e flirtatious on the internet than anywhere else and at times it is harmless. Some people I know are only flirtatious through these safe means and find fun in it but never use that in person. Hiding behind a computer screen at home is safe. Is he giving out personal information? Is he meeting people? That would raise concerns to me, things less than that do not but should be addressed because your heart is on the line. What is his angle is the way he is on the social media that disturbing that it can’t be worked through? You asked “What’s happening here?” and I think that unless he is giving out information or making “hang out” sessions than or claiming to e available or perverse, than this is something that could be spoken through and worked out. Address that you do not like his social media behavior and come to a common grounding where you both are happy. Good luck and please keep me posted as this goes forward.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Questions that need answering

Mr. Lover Man,

I know you and you me, I follow u on Twitter. My question is can a man and woman really be just friends without sex. I have a male friend who I really like and we talk and have fun together. Laugh and joke, and I feel very comfortable with him. No sex, I'm married with children, he's not, but has "fuck buddies". I like him and enjoy our time together. Do u think we can just be friends and continue to enjoy our friendship? I hope so. Take care.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous

The question is ever ongoing and it is a definite YES. However, that doesn’t mean that this friend will not cross lines or you will. I wonder with this question posed with this individual in mind, do you have intentions to cross lines. If so, you need to weigh out your marriage and family life and realize the hurt this will cause. It is possible to be friends with him and no one can cross lines. I know this well, ironically most of my friends are females with lines uncrossed because friendship has value and because other avenues of life have value. Never lose the value and you both have potential to be great friends always. Best of luck. Let me know how it turns out in time.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am wondering two questions, one) how can I improve my orgasm and two) How do I know if I am good enough for my man in oral sex? From:Curious

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Curious,
To the first question, you should know that one in four women have difficulties achieving orgasms. Foreplay is known as the greatest weapon in successful improvement in orgasms, also it is a great idea to find and experiment with sexual positions that stimulate g-spot and clitoris. Learn to tighten and strengthen your pelvic muscles, sort of like if you are stopping yourself from urinating, in sessions of 12. Repeat this practice 8-10 times a day to yourself and you will see an incredible improvement. Second question, when you invite yourself down to service your partner orally, use verbal stimulation, remind him how much it pleases you to do this, tell him how badly you want his hardness in your mouth, that already gives you a mental edge. Use confidence, grip his manhood with your hands and mouth as if letting him know unspoken that he is in for the oral treatment of his life. You should moan in pleasure as well while taking him in your mouth, slide your hands up and down his rod while you engulf him orally, and give him eye contact. Don’t wink, that’s corny and cheesy LOL. Use one of your hands to fondle and caress his testicles, giving it almost equal attention, shift your body and work your mouth in different angles. Switch up sucking, licking, stroking, mix orders, throw him off course and you will give him an eye rolling sucking for the ages. Good luck and enjoy this act.

Mr. Lover Man,
I’m wondering, when men go down on me and give me oral sex, how do I even know if I taste good to them or if I smell good? Thank you. Natalie

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Natalie,
You should know that men LOVE and I mean absolutely LOVE the smell and taste of a freshly washed vagina. Are you aware that men are turned on y natural aromas of partners more than sprays and things? It is true, studies support this. The best way to ensure that there isn’t any unnecessary sweat or smells is to shower with soap and water before hand. Make showering together a part of foreplay and then take it to the bed, the floor, the kitchen or wherever and this will give you the freshness that will keep him feasting longterm. Good luck.

Mr. Lover Man,
7 years ago I dated this man for 2 years that I thought was 'the one' then we started to drift apart and things just kind of slowly faded away. I always thought about him over the years and never really got over him (probably because we never had closure). I would wonder if there was something I could've should've done, he told me back then that I 'let him get away with too much' and I've learned over the years that sometimes I can be too independent and don't always let a man be a man. I also remember him telling me that he had never been in a monogamous relationship, he's always cheated! We reconnected earlier this year and I found out that he got married 4 months after we stopped seeing each other (he's since told me he was dating the both of us plus a few others at the same time). He has apologized for the way things ended and that I had to find out from a mutual friend that he's married & has 2 little ones. He says he walked away because he couldn't deal with some of the financial things that I was going through and things with my sons father (which I don't get because I never asked him for a dime and never brought him anything i was going through to try and be my problem solver, and he was going through more drama then me with his daughters mother). I'm a couple years older then him and I think he felt that I should've been more financially & materially accomplished at my age then I was at the time (especially since he was). The woman he ended up marrying is his age, had no kids at the time, and was making decent money like him. She is also not someone I would've ever pictured him marrying, he says he gets that a lot from family & friends. He is all into his appearance & she's very plain jane and not too attractive. Now here we are in our mid and late 30's and we've been in constant communication for almost the past year, no physical contact but admittedly there's feelings still here on both parts but I definitely don't want to be a part helping to destroy a marriage nor am I going to play 2nds to anybody and I've told him all of this. He tells me he hasn't cheated on his wife; our mutual friend implies something different. Things he says leads me to believe he has cheated, like he has talked about how his wife will accuse him of sleeping with women he says are his friends, he complains that she doesn't have enough sex with him, she told him if it wasn't for their kids she would've divorced him by now, yet he says he doesn't want to get a divorce because he wants his kids to grow up in this ideal family and he wants to come home to them and see them grow up everyday etc etc. Then I can't contact him by phone, I lost his number years ago & he won't give it to me again because he says he doesn't want me 'caught up in his web' - when i questioned that he said because his wife will think he's sleeping with me cause she thinks that about most of his female friends. I haven't really had a relationship since him, dates here and there but no one important enough that I’ve introduced my son to or anything. Luckily my son was pretty small when me & this man ended so he doesn't remember him. It's been about a year since we've been back in touch and I've seen him maybe 3 or 4 times, he's never tried anything but he's always bringing up what we used to do, places we used to go, fun we used to have, he tells me he loves me, and really cares about me. He was contacting me just about every day, a few months ago i couldn't take it anymore and was feeling bad about this emotional bond we're starting to have again, I told him we needed to end all communication & he needed to focus on his marriage and stop talking to me about his problems since he doesn't want a divorce, it's hard enough for us as black women to get married and I don't want to hurt her...or be hurt myself! I told him to get back in touch with me if he ever ended up divorced. He said he understood & would respect my decision and that lasted about a month! He called me a month later with some bs excuse and we've been in communication again, not daily this time but still! I'm more mentally, spiritually, emotionally mature now then I was 7 years ago, make more than 3 times what I was making then and I wonder if all of this is making him think he should've hung in there, or if he's just looking for some excitement again since kids can really change a relationship. Their kids are only 2 and 3.
I don't know how to handle my feelings and it hurts to see someone you love love someone else & have a family with them (I've told him all this)...a part of me is jealous that this woman has the life I wanted with this man - the marriage, kids, house, cars, vacations, family life, the day-to-day bustle etc, then I wonder if it's just that I'm lonely because I haven't found anyone that I'm that compatible with again, it's probably a combination of all of this and I don't know how to deal with these feelings. Some days I'm fine and loving life but then some days it just hits that I want this life with this man, I'm getting older with no prospects of a husband in sight & I'm constantly getting the 'why are you still single? I can't believe you're still single!!' from him and everyone else. Will no good come out of just remaining friends with him? Once a cheater always a cheater? Does he really love me & care like he claims?? Do I need to end all contact with him and if so, how do I finally get him out of my heart if feelings have still lingered after all these years and I truly care about him as a person?? :(

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
It is safest to detach from this individual. The idea of anything ever happening between you two are u healthy and put so many others hearts at risk. It doesn’t seem like his heart has as much room for you as yours does for him. It seems like he wants to get as much of the old “moments” as he can. If he makes attempts of contact against your wishes and even though married, it shows the level of honor and respect this man has and this is a guaranteed recipe for disaster. The mutual friend is another component that doesn’t sit well with me, this friend is reporting different news than this person and I really think you should not be concerned with who he has in his life because you are going to ruin many hearts. I do not think he loves you as he says because actions have always been the best spokesperson for love. People are able to change, that’s a fact, however, he doesn’t seem to have reached that point and you cannot bring him there. He must want it and he doesn’t right now.
As far as you being single, that is something that can be changed, are you looking for another of “him”? That is failure waiting to happen. Maybe you should speak to a professional, if not you should search within and take time to find what you want and need from your inner soul. You being jealous lingers within and can corrode the soul. Be strong and take time to find happiness inside and this will attract better men and people around you. I wish you the best. Please let me know how this plays out.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
So I have been trying to stay away from sex. I have found that it was my escape to everything in my life. I am not a slut and my numbers are not up there, but I am soooo damn frustrated that I do not know what to do. I am not trying to repeat the same mistakes as my past and have sex for the sake of having sex. What should I do? No name.

Using sex as an escape does not get rid of problems; it gives a moment of a better activity but not a solution. When engaging, one should know why this activity takes place and one should have a connection that isn’t an escape alone. When sex becomes an escape, it robs you of the emotional value of doing the most remarkable physical acts with the one you love and takes from the beauty of the entire act. Of course a good pounding is great for you but can pale in comparison to a good pounding from someone who wants to please you for you and not being used as an escape from everything in your life. I hope the best for you, consider seeing a professional, it will help for sure. Keep me posted.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Is It Me?

Dear Mr Lover Man

I've been seeing this guy for 5 yrs now
But we're not in a relationship we've just been having sex for 5 yrs any man I've dated I've cheated on them with him and him he was with his ex for 4 yrs but now there no longer together.
Now in the 5 yrs a lot has happened with us we've gone on small getaway's spend long weekends together visit with each other’s family ect... I've grown very strong feelings for this man in this time I’m in LOVE with him I don't want to sleep with any other man I can't even look at any other men I told him how I feel and that I'll be damned if another bitch came in here and took a spot that's rightfully mine when the time is right for us both I want be together.

He said he's just coming out of 4 yrs and he needs time to himself but when he's ready we can do this. Now my question is do you think I've wasted my time with him and it’s never going to go anywhere besides sex or should I keep the faith? (Btw him & his ex still live together he hasn't moved out yet)


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Karina,
Here is a harsh reality about your situation, you are easy ass. Close your jaw and continue to read. You gave this man a second thrill for 5 years; you have done so through your own relationships and through his. He has had access to you for 5 years and even throughout this broken up 4 year relationship and yet he needs time to himself? Is this time with his dick away from you? Or is this “time” an alleged time away from relationships? Quite frankly my dear, you have reached the climax of what you mean to him. You are sex anytime, thrills and trips when the main one isn’t available, you are always number two. Now the question is, do you have a higher value for yourself? If so then what you need to do is move forward and be the woman you can e and put yourself first. This is unhealthy for so many reasons and you have to seek counseling if you find yourself in these situations because you are worth more than this. Please seek help and let me know how life treats you. Good Luck. Mr. Lover Man

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have this problem with my relationships, I always find that I want to be friends with my ex boyfriends and at times it tends to become too much for my boyfriends. Is there something wrong with that? I still like my ex boyfriends and although I sometimes get jealous of my boyfriends female friends, I believe that women can have a male friend better than a man could have a female. Men can’t be trusted as much. What do you think?

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
First thing, I want to start off and say that you need to realize what you are saying. You are saying it is ok for you to have a male friend because you are a female and it is not ok for a male because males can’t be trusted? And why are your MALE ex-boyfriends who used to sleep with you so much more trusting than your boyfriend’s female friends? Do you realize that I contemplated even entertaining this question? You asked what I think right. I think you are selfish and you need to stop wanting attention from your ex’s. Being friends is fine but alienating your boyfriend’s friends for a theory not proven true is very high school. You should want happiness for your partner as much as you want for yourself, anything less is selfishness and you display it here. You need to think about the other people in your life and put our feet in other people’s shoes. Good luck.

Mr. Lover Man (Shabba) LOL
I find that my fiancé and I get bored easy and I tend to stray away to other men. I don’t know what to do; the thing is I get bored with these new men too. I’m just looking for some good sex. I want my fiancé to step his sex up but I don’t know why he doesn’t. I want to tell him but I don’t want to hurt him. What do I do?

I’m glad that you say you do not want to hurt your fiancé, however, your actions tell another story. Your sexcapades running through town ultimately will hurt him and if you’re not careful (if it isn’t too late) you run a risk of bringing your fiancé an STD and that will definitely hurt him. You then get bored with all these side men and you have to wonder what it is about you that bring this boredom. Communication is essential if there is anything to save with your fiancé. First, ask yourself, do you deserve him at this stage in your life? If so, are you willing to give up the extracurricular dicks for your fiancé? If you feel there is something worth saving then you have to talk to him. Do not e blunt and tell him the sex isn’t working but introduce things with a curiosity to it. Men tend to love being the first to have done something. Tell him you had a conversation with the girls and they mentioned these certain sex acts were amazing and you wanted to try that with him. Now don’t make it like its substituting his norm, but instead adding to it. This is much more acceptable and saves the ego. Good luck Dee-Dee and put the extra dicks down. LOL.

Mister Lover Man,
Is there something wrong with me because I cry at emotional things? My girlfriend tends to look annoyed if I shed a tear at a very sad moment or at a very touching movie. I feel like I should e comfortable expressing my feelings but she is so cold at times and it is turning me off. Should I leave?
Real Man

First thing I want to say is that you using the name “Real Man” makes me wonder how much you question the level of your manhood because of you girlfriend and if I’m right, you are already in dire need of counseling. There is nothing wrong with shedding tears, nothing at all. You have to communicate with her about this and find out her perception on this and state how it makes you feel. Your opinion should be valued as so should hers but no one should be mean or offensive. Gender roles are so distorted that some ignorant people associate men who cry as weak or inferior and do not realize there is strength to release. Good luck and never be afraid to express yourself.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am stuck in a relationship with a man who I am realizing I don’t love anymore. The beginning was great and it’s been a few months and now he is different. I met him and I am not ashamed to say it was love at first sight, I saw him in the club, we hit it off, we bedded one another that night and it was great, but now he seems so different. What to do?

Do you realize that you did not know him when you slept with him? Do you also realize that now is about when you are getting to know him? You have allowed sex as a distraction to alter your decisions and mislead your emotions and now that sex is no longer the only component, you are seeing this man for who he is and you realize he is more than looks and sex and you seeing him different doesn’t mean he changed, it just means that the sex simmered down and he is able to surface. Take this as a lesson to not bed so quickly and learn your partner if you want something other than sex. You can open new lines of verbal communication and see who he is. Learn more about him and if you are not happy, then do not drag him along. Be honest always and communicate about everything. Good Luck.


Friday, December 4, 2009

Caring Enough Will Improve Your Sex Life

I often hear men and women alike brag about their sexual performance and I often ask their partner in private and get a totally different perception to the lover’s performance. Now that is not something to laugh at, often men are misguided by the activities of pornography and think every woman is built to handle a physical thrashing like the women on their favorite website. Men think because women always tell them how good they are or they fake orgasms that they truly fit this title and they never progress. That’s shame on the liar. Women tend to talk about how well she moves it and brag about how her vagina is this tight, this wet and does this trick and in reality, so does most vaginas. There is more to being a better lover than the penis and vagina and if you doubt this then you have a lot to learn and many partners to abandon you.

Let’s start with the MEN:

First thing I say is MOST important is the level of respect one treats their partner when being a lover. It’s not a self serving prophecy to jump on your partner pump fast and hard, release your juices and call it a night. Men you should make it MANDATORY to learn what makes your partner climax best, that’s your duty as her lover.

Are you aware that 83% of women state that they are not kissed enough during their sexual/love making sessions? I don’t even know if this needs an explanation. Stop focusing on only the oral, anal and vaginal!!!! There is more you idiot!! K=Learn to give intimate kisses in these i ntimate times.

Oral sex. Nuff said.

Ok, I’ll speak on it a bit. The best way to prepare a woman (statistically) for the greatest pleasurable sex is to definitely ad oral sex in the mix. One must learn to arouse her, relax her and heighten the moment with the power of the oral in order to make this possible. I won’t go into details but learn what makes your partner quiver and moan, convulse and collapse and you are ahead of the game for total preparation for love making.

Find out what your partner wants, communicate with her and learn everything about her. Do NOT be judgmental if her sexual drive or desires differ from yours, be open-minded and ask questions. This is not about you buddy but about you both. You want her then learn to communicate effectively and share with her. Be willing to try new things and don’t expect to be an expert right away, learn it and master it and you will see dramatic changes.

Pay attention to her erogenous zones and learn her body as much as she does or better. Men tend to think attacking the breast and clitoris are the best ways to turn her on enough to give her a good slamming and that is very juvenile. The g-spot, belly button, neck, inner thighs, back of the knees, lower back and even ear lobes on some women can heighten mood stimulation and bring arousal levels to an extreme high. Let her know you love turning her on, express how good it feels to kiss her and to love her and give her attention. Saying how good it feels to be inside her is nice but who doesn’t say that? Learn to be more than the guy who just had sex.

Now we mentioned the g-spot and let me tell you that there are myths and rumors about this and people often don’t know what the heck they are talking about when it comes to this. I often overhear wrong information passed over and just want to laugh. I often tell people who have trouble finding the g-spot, “Have you asked her if your there?” Men really don’t want to ask because they often have their manhood measured by sexual performance and that with the mix of a lying woman who fakes orgasms, you both are doomed to fail. Women should create a comfort level for this type of talk and men should not e afraid to ask, it shows your concern for her pleasure.

Now statistically 3 of the best g-spot hitting positions are so common and yet the right shift here or there will give that right touch that will drive her wild. First one is the infamous “Doggystyle”. This position is usually the man behind slamming into her, but not today it isn’t. Allow the lady to have the control, yes fellas it is not a bad thing. Let her use her thighs to press back as she is crouched down, this gives her the ability to find the best depth and position for the right thrust that works best for her. It is ok to become more involved and active after she finds this, adjust to this position and push her down lay into her from behind. And this will enable your penis (no matter the size) to push in at a downward angle and gives access to hitting the g-spot. Open her legs, close them, ut ask to find out which one best suit her please. Plus there is something about the animalistic positioning of doggy style that gives men pleasure, so it’s a win/win.

Second is you standing or kneeling down with her legs on your shoulders. Keep her legs spread wide on your shoulders and get creative, the angle will deliver the thrust needed to e a g-spot pro.

Third is having the woman on top. Yes this old common position can be a g-spot hitter if she is controlling depth, speed, tension and the intensity level. This gives her the ability to move, grind, lean in any position she feels fit to adjust for that hit. Talk to her while she rides you into the sunset, tell her how it feels, how you want her to feel and how wonderful, sexy and gorgeous she is. There is almost no greater sight than a woman riding you and looking at you will the face of every emotion. The talking is mental stimulation, and that is as important if not more than the physical aspect.

Also remember, when the physical act is over, allow her to determine how quick you go to sleep or jump in a shower. Men have been known to be insensitive in this area but both genders do so. Recap the act, tell her how much you enjoyed it, cuddle with her, tell her how special she is and how special the moment was.

WOMEN, now don’t think I forgot you:

Leave something for the mind, let his imagination run wild and want you more. Most people assume a woman’s position by what she wears. Maintain a level of class and integrity and you can still be sexy, gorgeous, and a stand out. Learn to incorporate class and sexy together and you will have them running to you.

Despite what miserable, bitter women say, men love independent women with a good self esteem. A man likes to play the hero, the giver, the protector but he also needs a partner and not a daughter. Men are driven by a string woman and love to have a woman who knows her worth. This keeps him on point, he knows his woman is strong and no push over and allows a loving challenge and pushes both further. If you doubt this, that’s because you attract losers and you need to re-evaluate yourself. When men tell you how wonderful you are, it feels good that you know he speaks truth and not that he has to waste the moment to convince you. Love yourself in order to love him.

Love your physical self as well. Men love women who flaunt for their man, and find it so hard to e extremely turned on y a woman who hides her body or doesn’t show herself to him at all in any sexual way. Your body is yours, learn to love it. You have your partner and he loves it, don’t shy it away from him. Love yourself, inside and out.

Men love a woman who is not afraid to express that she wants sex and she loves it. Sex should NEVER be forbidden language for adults and should be as great conversation and comfortable as any other, especially with partners. Ladies, being sexually confident will not only drive him insanely sexual for you but will most likely make him loyal. Study shows that sexually confident women and sexually open women have much more loyal men than those that aren’t. Talk dirty or learn to. This does not devalue you; it actually gives you more sexual value with your partner. Ask him if he likes it (9out of 10 men do) and learn to describe what you want by him. This will heighten the sex from good to great.

Never wait for him to make the sexual advances, that is not the gender role and one should think individually, do NOT assume men are mind readers and know exactly every time you are in heat. Grab him, kiss him, tell him how hot he makes you by his simple stride to the kitchen, touch him, whisper in his ear…. But….. not during sports. LOL That’s funny.

Give him direction and show him what turns you on, and do not assume because he has a penis that he has been sleeping with everyone and should know your body. Teach him, give him opportunities to learn your body, guide him to your spots and talk him through it in a sexy way. Do not damage his ego if he does it wrong, learn to talk him through it and lean him into perfection. Have patience and know that you guys have time to perfect every inch of your bodies.

Another thing that should be avoided is getting upset when he suggests something new. Do not make him feel belittled or weird about his suggestion, only be willing to do something new if you expect him to. This is a partnership and one should only do what the other is expected to do. If you are 100% not willing to try then say so and explain why without making him feel like a weirdo or disgusting in anyway. This turns him off with you. Just as you would e if he told you what turns you on is nasty, disgusting, yuck, horrible, etc.

Be adventurous and live at times on the wild side. This enables you to be open-minded, free-spirited and grabs his attention unlike another. Learn him and suggest acts that cater to his personality, show him that you pay attention and ignore your friend’s advice; chances are that’s the wrong advice.

Sense of humor is important in turning a man on. Men love women that have wit, charm and a good laugh. He doesn’t mind being playful, no matter how tough he comes across as, he would love to be playful with just you. Humor is attractive, broaden your horizons and you will be a much happier woman in a wonderful place.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Sexual in the City

Mr. Lover Man,
My boyfriend wants to try anal sex with me and I have a few concerns about this. The pain is a major concern. He wants to try anal beads also and I never tried this, please explain to me these anal beads and what can I do or he do to make our anal sex experience less painful. I love him and really want to try this with him but I am nervous.
Willing to try

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Willing to try”, Welcome to the world in modern times. These days “Anal” is the new “Oral” or as my friends in the porn industry say “The ass is the new pussy”. Men tend to get ideas of sexual activity from porn, and these days anal sex is the biggest wave in porn, it almost seems to be as frequent as vaginal sex. One thing I will say is do NOT use anything that will num the area. So many people do this and never realize that you NEED to know if something is painful or not, that way it can be stopped. Something just may be going terribly wrong. Pain is a vital sign that lets you know that something must stop. I say you must be relaxed, tensing the anus is not good at all, make sure you have your sexual charges up. You should be turned on and in the mood for some sexual pleasuring, make sure foreplay exists and even vaginal and oral sex to pre-perform the anal sex. Build it up and heighten the moment. Lubrication is recommended always. I know some instances where women can e so wet that the juices flow but should not be the only wetness in the anal area. Use basic lube, not no fancy crap, that doesn’t help at all. Also remind your boyfriend that the anal cavity is not the vagina and pushing in hard and fast can tear something. One must go slow at first, it will give the penis the chance to enter painlessly. Anal play with fingers and small toys should be a strong consideration. Anal sex can be 100% painless with the right attention, time and effort. Most women who tell me of the pain stories had partners who only wanted to please themselves or who wanted to dominate the anus and never gave it the time and attention need to feel its pleasure zones. As for anal beads, well these toys are designed to give pleasure as they are inserted and gently pulled out the to make your sphincter muscles open and close giving charges of pleasuring sensations. Here is a little tip, have anal beads inserted and slowly pulled out as you are reaching the peak of climax, I promise you that you will not reach a thrilling sensation filled with so much eroticism for quite some time. For the best and most painless anal sex, I do NOT recommend the highly popular doggy style, but, offer you try missionary with your pelvic area supported by pillows.

Dear Mr. Lover Man
I have been with my woman for 2 yrs. Things are good but I feel like I don’t know what to do. She always talks about 3 somes and group sex as her fantasies and I feel like if I don’t give in I will lose her. She says she wants to start off with me, her and a girl. Then she said she wants it to lead in the future to her and other men and I am very uncomfortable with this. She talks about these sex group parties and I’m not comfortable with this at all. I had thoughts with a 3 some with her, me and another woman but never made it an issue that we needed to explore but she makes me feel like it has to happen. The thought of her and many men not only is uncomfortable for me but also would not allow me to be happy with myself. I mean, why would she want other men? Am I that bad of a lover that she hasn’t said anything to me? I don’t feel as threatened by the woman because the way she acts to my penis tells me she loves men a lot. Even then I wouldn’t want this to be a regular thing. She is very sexual and had many more partners than I did but our love is supposed to mean more than this, or am I the last one in the world that thinks so? I told her no aut the men and she said she really wants to try the woman and it’s a big fantasy. She then hints that the sex with multiple men would probably happen after. Should I leave her?

Anonymous Man

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Hey Anonymous Man, I’m going to go out and say do not engage in any activity that you feel will psychologically ruin yourself or your relationship and e very clear about that. If sleeping with other people is more important than the relationship than you should entertain other options. Seems like she calls the shots here buddy and there is not equality. Tell her again and make sure she knows you say it with passion that you are ok with the other woman but NOT ok with her parading around with multiple men. Take a stand and be firm, remind her what she means to you and what it would do to you. If she cares for you and loves you she will back down and find a common ground with you. If she is persistent and rejects your stance then let her parade around with a town of dicks in her mouth and you need to leave the relationship. Only a 100% jealous-free, trusting, concrete communicative situation can handle these acts without ever having doubts and with the comfort to be a couple and both enjoy this. It isn’t your thing, period. Stats show that many couples who over expose themselves to these acts do not last when one person has insecurities or jealousy. She may think these acts are 100% going to happen, and unless you take a stand, it’s looking like your girlfriend is about to become real popular.
Dear Mr. Lover Man
My year for my birthday my wife delivered the best birthday present ever. Her best friend in a 3 some. Now here is where I need your help. She had told me that the 3 some was fine, it was a onetime thing and I could not have vaginal or anal sex with her friend. Just oral and I was fine with it but now I feel unaccomplished and have this fantasy of having a full all out 3 some with her and her friend. How can I get her to agree to this?


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Hey Mike, first thing I want to say that you are somewhat of an inconsiderate bastard. Now that we got that out in the open, a part of me admires the fact that you realized what you like and wish to express it. Take into account the most important thing, YOUR WIFE. She gave you a gift, and I fear that wanting to push the envelope will somehow ruin the perspective of this gift in her opinion. She gave a gift to please you and that is beyond admirable of her, but, do you really want to tarnish that gift? Also does it have to be with the best friend? You can tell her about a dream you had or a fantasy you had that involves her going down on a woman while you penetrate her from behind and then her and the woman switching positions, which gives you the ability to test waters without involving her friend. That should be her call, not yours. Good luck and please think of her feelings throughout this process, she sounds great.
Dear Mr. Lover Man
This may sound weird to people but I know what I want. I want to use a strap on and give it to my husband from behind. He is not letting me and wont even let me lick his asshole or let me finger him, now how am I supposed to use my strap on with him when he thinks its gay nasty stuff?

Curious female

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Curious Female… First thing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with gay, so lets not use that in any form of negative connotation. People are people no matter what. There is a large wave of homophobia looming throughout the world still and there is a ways to go to get past that. Also you have to take into account that these are taught beliefs so he will feel his pride and ego challenged, his “Manhood” will be challenged and he may be a bit self-conscious. Now, you asked for my help, so here is what I think is the best way to approach the situation. Talk to him in a very nice manner, do not interrupt what he is doing but make sure its during an already active conversation you both are having. You have to set the mood for this, NIT sexual mood but a loving mood. Remind him what he means to you and how important it is to make each other happy. Down the road of the conversation ask him what would make him happy as far as sexual acts never tried, and be willing to oblige as you wish him to. Tell him how much it would drive you crazy if he allowed you this and reassure him of himself. You may have to perform the sexual performance of your life while trying to make him agree to this. LOL. Perform the most pornographic oral sex of his lifetime and make sure while playing with his balls you distract him enough to slip a wet finger back there in the most gentle way ever. Do NOT prod or probe, but lightly stroke the anus, he will definitely tighten up but then you make sure your oral skills are unmatched at this moment, then loosen your jaw enough to tell him how its turning you on and you promise not to do anything wrong. Reassure him how good this feels and how its turning you on. Men are easily distracted with oral sex. LOL. If this doesn’t work right away, you invest time into slowly stroking, licking, and even kissing in the area to build comfort. Good Luck anal Queen. LOL

Mr. Lover Man
I am 23 years old and I have been sucking dick since I was 16. I have to admit that I get a strong rush when swallowing cum. I probably swallowed like 20 different men. The things it does to me. Mmmm-Mmm-Good. Now my friend told me that I can get a bunch of std’s this way, is it true? Cause I use condoms in my vagina.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Hi Anonymous, Looks like someone was too busy swallowing nuts instead of attending health education classes at 16. Ok here goes in a nut-shell (no pun intended), YES YES YES you can get a series of STD’s from oral sex, whether giving or receiving. So many people don’t think that and use condoms during vaginal and anal penetration. Here are some STD’s you can get, and look them up and learn why you should NOT get them, unless your mouth is already the tunnel of STD-dom. Herpes, Hepatitis A,B and C, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphillis, Genital Warts and the grand daddy of them all…….. (Drum roll please…….) HIV. Yes HIV, which leads to AIDS. Hopefully you read up on these and it changes you appetite (pun intended) for swallowing. T is great to swallow but it is even better to swallow uninfected cum. Good luck.

To: Mr. Lover Man

I have a problem with orgasms and I think it is psychological. I am 30 years old and never experienced one. Is something wrong with me?

Sexless in Seattle

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Sexless in Seattle” (love the name) I don’t want you to think something is wrong with you. There are many factors to an orgasmic climaxing. My first thing is to always seek the advice of a professional. Counseling and psychotherapy can help with the psychological block you may have. However, in the event it isn’t that, or if it is, here are some informative tips to help you reach that historic moment. First thing, one must e ale to communicate to the partner what one likes and e open-minded. Most women need lots if stimulation of their clitoris, men tends to forget that this is as important as the penis is to men. Have your man give some considerable amount of attention there. Also, cuddling, romantic settings and a strong loving environment can set the mood for an eventful climax. 20% of women can experience an orgasm thru petting and cuddling. 35% only experience it through sexual intercourse so please do not feel bad. Maybe you should take up some masturbation time and learn about your kitty kat, 50% of women experienced their first orgasm that way. Caressing breasts but not in an aggressive manner can lean towards helping climax. E an advocate of oral sex, make sure he is giving it to you as much or more than you are giving it to him. A good percentage of women (80%) can not have climax without oral sex as a part of their sexual experience. Let me say that you deserve to experience an orgasm just as much as he does. Let him learn to service you first as a routine of education, it tends to e habitual afterwards. It is important that when having intercourse that you try not to have your mind flooded with stressful thoughts, focus on the moment, make every sexual moment “The Moment”. Good luck

Monday, November 23, 2009

Questions needed to be asked

Dear Sir,
I need some words on long distance love. I love a man whom I am separated from due to many miles but close to by technology. Any words on keeping this alive?
Thank you ahead of time.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous

The long distance relationship is at times the most challenging but when the moments arise of togetherness, they tend to be the most rewarding. I often use the term “If the rewards outweigh the costs then fight for him”. I firmly believe that love travels miles if love is real. You need to hear his voice hopefully once a day at least. Tell him how you feel as often as you can, speak to him through your technological means as if he was in your bed and you were whispering in his ear. Send gifts (something endearing and not expensive) know what makes him smile and be responsible for those smiles. These things leave a lasting impression and will hand deliver you your man. Talk about possibilities of locations when time is right; don’t be afraid to ask questions, expressing self verbally is important when distanced because that’s your main component, your technological connection. Use it to its fullest ability. The same way you surprise a man with wit, charm and passion when near, continue to do so through technology. It will work. Blessings to you both for a great forever relationship.

Mr. Lover Man,

I have a question; my woman is always spending time on the phone with her male friend. I been with her 8 months and never even met this “friend” and it is getting on my nerves because she goes out every weekend and I’m stuck home watching her daughter and have been watching her daughter for the last 6 months every weekend. I want to change things but she is always busy with her friends. Help me, tell me the truth, should I leave or try to fix it?


Male babysitter


Well Mr. Male Babysitter, (not sure I’m comfortable using that name) you are in a predicament that I have witnessed quite a few times. You are in a situation you may not want to leave because it does feel good to not be single but is it really healthy? Let’s go through the motions if you will, your first gripe mentioned is her male friend. It seems as if you have strong doubts about this “friendship” and it is as if you are implying there is some foul play going on. You may be right but you also may be wrong. I wonder why has it been 8 months and you haven’t met him. You should offer yourself to meet and express that you feel it’s important because you know how important her friend is to her. The truth usually comes out from there. As for her going out and leaving you to babysit her daughter for the last 6 months out of the 8 months you both have been dating sounds horrendous. Two major problems I have here is one, someone who abandons their child every weekend does not need to be a parent. Parenting is not a weekday/night job. It’s always and I have seen where parents (I’m being generous by even calling their loser asses parents) The fact that she runs out to do Lord knows what, every single weekend for the last 6 months and probably doesn’t know what her daughter likes to do on the weekend is disheartening. The other fact that after only 2 months of you guys dating, you were watching her daughter alone is disgusting (no offense to you buddy). How does someone leave their child with someone they dated 2 months alone every weekend? You have to weigh out the type of woman this is and ask yourself is this the punishment you want to put yourself through? You didn’t mention any good points and I think it’s important you weigh it out. Do not mislead yourself because you try to avoid hurt. Be honest with yourself and make a decision that benefits you as an individual. One must be happy with self in order to be happy with another.

To Mr Lover Man,

I love my man, I know he is a good man. The best man I ever met in my life. Here is the problem, sexually he does not please me and I am very sexual. I find myself ready to cheat because I have needs to. Is it bad if I am cheating just to be satisfied?

Sexually frustrated

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sexually Frustrated,

I think that this is not a lost case and before you go jumping on a random dick think of a few things here. First thing, you are not guaranteed the sexual God you want in the next random dick and could just be risking breaking a good man’s heart and bringing home an STD. I hope you have not already attempted this act, if so, please test yourself before you have sex with a good man. Second, you say that he is the best man you ever met, then why not converse about this sexual problem? You can tell him you wanted to try new things your friends spoke about, or you can tell him that you read somewhere that sex can be improved by…… and you fill in the blank. There are many ways to implement an answer for this problem without bringing another dick into your mouth or hurting a good guy’s feelings. Always communicate first, always.

Q: Mr. Lover Man,

I really like this guy so much I known him a very short time and he wants to marry me asap. What should I do? I really love him!


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Tatiana,

Love does not have a time period; you have to take a moment to think if this is the man you can wake up to everyday and sleep with every night. Is this the man you can see forever with? How does he make you feel? These are important issues when considering forever. I don’t ever believe in the societal standard or norm for a relationship, that’s lame and does not ever give people individual chances. Love is undefined and only defined by people looking for something tangible to place to that forever feeling. Love is as powerful, something unmatched and if you love him as he loves you, take everything in consideration and make your decision. If you decide to marry him, I’ll take an invite to attend. LOL.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Shhhhhhhh... Just in case you didnt know

Sometimes secret little tips to know about the opposite sex can help a great deal. Both men and women have little things they would like you to take notice, sometimes they don’t even have a clue they like it until it occurs, but in a study I conducted I realized the following…..

Pay attention, this just might get you a little bit further than where you are in your relationship.

Men PLEASE listen up:
Listening to what your woman has to say should not be a job. You should learn to love her interest and opinions, even if you don’t agree with it. Listening is a strong sign of respect. Even if she is talkative, we all have flaws, learn to love flaws.
Never ask a woman if she wants a particular gift. Asking do you want this bag? Or do you want flowers? Are the cheesiest ways to give a gift. Surprise her, learn to find ways to make her hint to and uncover the gifts she wants, lead her to believe you have no clue and surprise her. Trust me it works.
Learn to get over the fact that she will tell her friends all about your penis, sex, eating habits, etc; her closest friends know way more than you want them to know but you should make it your business to give her something great to tell her friends. Her friends have a strong opinion in the relationship, whether she will admit it or not.
If you are not married and someone asks if you are, do not quickly say no. It’s almost as if you are not happy she is your partner. Look at her and smile and give her a chance to answer, its awkward at times but great conversation later and something cute to look back on.
She loves sex, although men are stamped with being sexual dogs, women are much more sexual and would love it a lot more than they get it. Exercise and build your body to last, learn the particular exercises that will improve your stamina and power sexually, become more flexible, and remember, she is willing to try much more than you normally are, be open-minded and try new things.
Foreplay is a must, unless she wants different, she will let you know. Please her always, you are going to cum most if not all the time, but she may not, learn how to accomplish this glorious feat and make it a sexual must.
Never assume that women and men say the same thing and mean the same thing. Ask for clarity when not sure and never assume, build a very trusting and strong conversation level. Always compliment when she has earned it. Many times she is getting done up to catch your eye, even when she has your heart.
Ok, here is a touchy one…. Jealousy can show flattering concern but can get creepy. Learn the balance.
Just because she got drunk and kissed her girlfriend does not mean she necessarily wants a 3 some with you, if so email me, I want in. Haha Just Kidding.
A female friend told me once that PMS is not the leave me alone week. Men are led to believe that’s what it is. Sometimes she wants to be left alone without being left alone. Homework for you guys is to figure that out. LOL. She added that PMS has an alias that stands for Physical and Mental Stress. Keep that in mind.

Ladies PLEASE Take Notes:
Men are different. Period. Get used to it and move on.
Men are more visual than woman but do not stay in a relationship because of that. There has to be more than that. He may not be as verbal as you, that does mean that imposing your over verbal “talents” will make him as giddy as your BFF. Give him time, slowly bring him there. He wants to be your best friend. Trust me, he does.
Do NOT assume all men are the same; that is usually why you are single or unhappy at this point in your life. Just because you had a few losers in your life does not mean they all are. That’s just what you attracted at that time period in life, move forward and learn individuality.
Learn to step outside of your societal gender role; YES it is ok to ask him out. Don’t you dare debate this with me; you will end up looking like a fool. Do not assume that men see all your signs of interest, he may be equally interested and does not see the signs you give off, do not assume he is not interested. Read a sign better, the amount of pressure and length of time of a hug tells a story, BFF’s don’t normally give massages, there is interest there.
Establish a strong non-verbal communication with him; learn to read into his eyes. He tells stories in loud volumes. Compliment him on his looks when needed, he does need to know if you still find him attractive, learn how to make suggestions without being offensive. He wants to be the apple of your eye but doesn’t want to feel like he has to completely change for it.
Men love confidence; women with confidence turn men on more than dependent women. Do not ever listen to the bitter women who assume men are afraid of strong women, which is a false statement from the “almost” independent women who aren’t quite independent. Do not categorize all men with some chauvinist you got played by.
Do NOT mislead yourself with attraction, the man you met and had the great smile, broad shoulders and wonderful laugh is NOT Mr. Right, he is just the guy you met on Thursday. Learn to know people, men (and women alike) are usually on their best behavior when first meeting someone; do not assume that’s who he is every second of his life.
Unlike yourselves, men do not like jealousy; we find it amusing and annoying but NOT flattering. We may not take it serious and that will annoy you. Learning to trust isn’t easy, address your feelings openly. Men can be insensitive about logical issues; we feel logically, if it’s a good man, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Never ask questions about his past that may hurt your feelings. It does NOT matter how many women he slept with if he is clean and only with you now. Get over your prior insecurities and build something amazing with him.
Take in consideration that he may not be exactly where you are in the relationship, making hasty and overly aggressive ultimatums to force him into marriage or parenthood doesn’t necessarily bring happiness. It makes you psycho. Communicate the whole way through to see where you both stand in the situation, and always remember if the reward of the relationship outweighs the costs of the relationship, than it is worth fighting for.
Do not play games to “make” him want you more. The cold shoulder game is lame and very high school. As an adult it will make him feel sorry for you, maybe even miss what he was used to, but, not fall in love again. If you want him, say so, if you feel something needs to change, say so. Keep in mind delivery is important. Do not nag, but warmly converse, pick the times for these talks in appropriate manners, during his favorite show/sport will not favor you. In the middle of a work assignment won’t help your cause at all. Patience will see you through.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


There has always been a misconception of the male species or the “Man” or whatever term you may choose. Sometimes the shoe fits and we tend to run with this and package it as a whole and mislead ourselves so much that we think we have it all figured it out until one gets their heart broken or never truly finds happiness. Open-mindedness is under-rated.
Some of the things that men are expected to be held in high regard in order to e a “man” are things like income, status and sexuality. Let’s say one lacks, then his “Manhood” is in question, leading this man to face what has been gendered into a position pushed upon him, to force him to fight this alone. The position that society forces on him as his gender role makes him feel inferior if one lacks. Insensitive uneducated women or misguided women will agree easily. Uneducated Men whom have embraced these forced gender roles will also agree. However, the roles have shifted in the last decade. Men are now more so than ever (but not enough) seeking therapy and counseling independently without their partners knowledge or approval in a last ditch effort to be a “man” again.
In the orgasmic department, a women who fails to achieve an orgasm may be upset, frustrated, pissed or whatever, but, not once is her “womanhood” in question. A man who suffers the same fate is categorized as less than a man. Sadly, a man’s identity derives from his penis, his societal status and his money. How could one expect a man to be open with his women about these issues if she categorizes her male partners “manhood” by these categories? This pushes the inferior male into a hole and makes him feel he cannot express himself to his partner to express his needs and ultimately the sex life fizzles, prompting both parties to venture elsewhere, her looking for sexual attention from a “man” and him looking to find his “manhood”. Nothing is resolved that way.
Men have been forced to act as if they do not have these problems and if they do they have to resolve them by themselves and make sure it is done fast.
Women say in a negative sense that men don’t communicate and aren’t willing to share their inner selves. This may be true to some instances but sometimes we have to dig deeper as to why. Men are forced to live that way, almost held captive within them, unable to express these problems that have stamped them as “men” in the fears of appearing less “manly”. These men feel that topics like the expression of love, fear, heartache, despair are off limits for fear of appearing less “manly”. The pressures to be a financial success are more burdening that the struggling journey to arrive at that plateau. Sadly, men in this situation do not even know what pleases them within. They tend to struggle with identity and try to fit what society tells them they are supposed to do and a part of their individuality dies. Ask a man what would please him or what gives him most comfort outside of sex, and the man in this category has to think for a long period of time.
Let’s look deeper about this, men get negative flack for being the visual animals they are. Human males are the third most visual animals in the entire animal kingdom. Does that make it right? NOPE. Just follow me for a moment. Men who do not date women with flat asses, small breasts or woman with kids are looked at as insensitive assholes. I am not debating this, actually I will not say whether I agree or not because that is not where I’m going, now lets ask, what about the woman that wont date the man who isn’t a certain size in the penis department, or the woman who won’t date a man in a certain status, or a man who doesn’t make a certain tax bracket? What’s the difference? Absolutely nothing.
Of course there are always exceptions to every rule, just something to consider.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Where am I going wrong?

Question 1: I am a very sexual person, but I am trying to find someone that will want me for more than just sex. What steps can I take to insure that I am not finding someone that just wants to have sex with me and leave? *Via Mindy
Mr. Lover Man says: First thing you must do is ask yourself “What role do I play in these people wanting me for sex?” You state you are a very sexual person, I’m not sure how well you display that and that alone could send the wrong message and attract a certain response that only entitles you the sexual attention and never allowing the sexual partner to want to and/or become privileged to see you are more than just sex. You have to package yourself and advertise yourself for the attention you want, if you truly want more than sex, than saying it has to go in alignment with showing it.

Question 2: I am a single parent and i have no luck what so ever in relationships. I am afraid to bring anyone around my daughter for fear of the relationship not working and my daughter getting caught up in the mix. *Via Anonymous
Mr. Lover Man says: This is a very common question, I tend to ask in return, and how responsible is it to introduce ones child to an adult one does not know well anyway? Give the chance of the person to show their colors then you make that determination if they are worthy of the honor of meeting your daughter.

Question 3: I have been hurt more times that I can think and as a female I have been told that I am afraid of intimacy and it is completely true. My ex has hurt me to the point that I am afraid to let anyone in and now I have a problem with even trying to get into anything that deals with intimacy any advice *Via Anonymous
Mr. Lover Man says: First thing, the fact that you are using your ex as a reference to your inability to move forward shows you are not completely done with that chapter. One must heal in total in order to give self a chance at true greatness in a relationship. Therapy is a great tool in these situations, ut, one must take heed that advice from fellow bitter broken hearts will be misleading to you and should be avoided. It is great to have a support system but avoid them bitter people who are NOT over their situation as well. Being heartbroken repeatedly does not make one an expert in relationships, it makes them a student who needs to be educated.

Welcome to my world.....

What is it that makes a relationship successful? So many components and so many unanswered questions. We explore these worlds often with a blind eye or one tainted by societal norms and stereotypical flushings. What happens when these things do not work, when the questions that often flood our minds are not answered and at times we find ourselves afraid to ask? What happens when the choices we make doom us to repeat the failings that often plague our relationships of past? When do we become bold enough to ask, when do we become courageous enough to want more, to want better for ourselves and our partners?

Fasten your seat belts, you have entered the place that will not only dare to answer but will give you truth unlike any other.