Saturday, July 31, 2010

BREAK-UPS: SUDDENLY THE RELATIONSHIP ENDS

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
The man I love told me he is not in love with me & we want two different things. I feel he lied because all this time I been telling him I love him and he been telling me he loves me back but he really never have meant it. I still love this boy to this day and I still want to be with him but I just want to get over him and not think about him at all. I keep trying to say the right things so he can come back to me but he still want to be with his ex and he still love her and I think that's what hurt the most. Thank you “Lost Love”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lost Love”,
Situations like this happen and so many times we associate this with a lost or wonder what we can do to win them back as if they are some gift and that is not the case at all. First thing that one must realize is that the education from the situation is the true gift, take time to assess and realize that one does not want to be chased by you so stop running after him. You need to step back and live your life. I know it sounds easier than it is but he made a decision and despite whatever words he lied to you about in the past, you can not live by those words and not live by his words that he wants his ex over you. Use the truth to detach. He is done with you, that may hurt but you need to want better for you and he is not that answer. No matter what “right things” you think you are saying, you need to do the right things for you. He is not for you. Love yourself more and be better for you. Good luck, please keep me posted


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I broke up with my girl about a month ago, because I was unhappy with how things were going. We decided to work on ourselves for about a month, but she didn't work on herself, she stayed angry at me for 3 whole. We even tried no contact, and we that didn’t work, I only initiated contact once...And the other 2 or 3 times she contacted me first. She's told me she's changed for the better, and when I told her she needs to prove to me that she has changed, she said she can't because she "isn't ready". She says she doesn’t know what the future would bring, but she knew she couldn't do this right now. She told me she still loves me but she isn't in love with me as much as she used to be since we broke up. Do you think she will come back? Because I've always heard if she loves you, she will find her way back. What do you think? Appreciate it “”IDK Anymore”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “IDK Anymore”
Sometimes a break can make one realize that the best thing is not to return. Her statement of not being ready and no longer being in love the same are clear signs that she is entertaining opting out of this relationship and you should consider the same. One cant hold on to someone who doesn’t wish to be held. She isn’t ready and she may never be ready for you. She may find herself ready to move on elsewhere and it has been a month and to me time isn’t set in stone, so for everyone time differs, but the conversation of seeing other people should be made. You cant hold on if she is thinking of a permanent escape. Ultimately you have to be happy too and you wont be holding on if she doesn’t want you. Of course she may want to return to your arms but you need to communicate about other alternatives to know more or less where you stand because at this point she seems to be most clear about not being ready for you. I wish the best for you. Please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I was in a good relationship which, for me, ended from one day to the next. It didn't take my ex more than 3 weeks to find himself a new romance. In the mean time while he is off with his new romance, I am a wreck-not eating, sleeping little, and feeling bitter by his actions.
I asked people and the most common excuse I've heard for my ex's behavior is "Well, he can move on faster because in his mind it's been over a while so he prepared for it"
Is that supposed to justify his actions and make how they end the relationship without fault? I'm very interested to hear your perspective on this? Where is the accountability? “What About Me”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “What About Me”,
Sometimes not knowing is something that will be the way it will permanently end. There are however possible reasons for his sudden actions and one could be very well what people are offering as a common answer and that is that he already processed it was over. He may have done so long before the actual “sudden” break-up so for him to break-up from one day to the next was not so sudden to him as it was to you. Seems like lack of communication, definitely on his part but I wonder if on yours as well. Does this justify his actions? Depends on the aspects of the relationship, if you were cheating, or doing things of that nature then he had no reason to honor you by justification, however, if you tried your best and he just wasn’t into you then the honorable thing to do would be to communicate. Reality is that many people (men & women alike) are not the most honorable persons they could be. So where does that leave you? Well first thing is that you may consider counseling of some for, because your actions of sleep & eating deprivation worries me. His choice to move on may be heart breaking but its his choice. Time waits for no one and as harsh as that sounds, you need to consider your next move without him. You are wonderful and you need to love yourself again, and love yourself even more than ever. Do things you always wanted to do and didn’t and make this healing process about you. Prepare for tomorrow, do not carry yesterday with you because it weighs too much and will hold you down. Want more and be more and you will get more, that I promise. Good luck with everything, please stay in touch.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex and I had a good relationship, there was a good balance. For no apparent reason, out of no where, one day he stopped talking to me. I tried to talk to him but he told me he needed to focus on finals. A month later he broke up with me for no reason. He told me something vague. Then he told me we're not compatible, which was crap. Though I am sure he wasn't dating anybody else. I think he's immature. We had minimal socialization in the time period away. One day after a month I was walking by him and his friends and they were saying some stupid stuff and laughing loudly whenever I would walk past them. Even when we were together he flip flopped from being a true gentleman and sometimes laughing at me for not knowing certain things he knows.
Now, a year later he sends me a message asking me if it'd be too much to ask to be friends with me.
I don't get it. And I don't know if I must respond to it or not. I do really like him, but I don't know if this is just a game, in which case I want nothing to do with it.
Did he finally realize we were good together? Or is this for a booty call?. Help please. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Don’t go ahead of yourself here with the misleading. Even wondering if all of a sudden he may have “realized” you guys were good together can lead you to further heart break. There is a strong chance that is not the case and that’s perfectly fine. You need to remember that on more than one occasion he has abandoned you or mocked you and although there are good points, it appears the bad outweighs them. He has not even made any indication to want anything more than friendship and I’m not sure how much of a friend he would be. He may abandon you when you need to talk, it isn’t the friendship I need nor would want. Not in the least. As for his sudden leaving, if he doesn’t give you solid reason then just accept the truth that he abandoned you without forewarning and realize you deserve better and you are warranted much more. You can NOT wait for Mr. Wrong to turn into Mr. right, you do not owe him a response and if you choose to, be very clear about the relationship you choose to enter, whether friendship, or associates. Don’t re-enter leading with your heart because he sure as heck isn’t. You need to solidify that you are healing so you do not enter wounded and susceptible to being his prey. Be strong, always remember your true worth and be more always. Good luck, keep me posted.
Note to all Answer Seekers: There very well have been signs in each and every one of your relationships that we often ignore, misinterpret or see late. Question these signs always, dont mislead yourself or ignore them. I wish the best for you all.

3 comments:

lyfesimplified said...

Oh wow, reading some of these are ...interesting. I'm currently in a situation where I love someone who doesn't appear to love me back. They themselves are going through some things and I'm not sure what they want and I don't think they know what they want but I decided to let go. Although I love this person I couldn't allow my heart to continue to be drug through the mud. Nice blog! I'll be back!

My Time said...

This is my first time here, but it won't be my last. I can relate to more than a few of questions and find the answers to be very informative!

Anonymous said...

First time here. Love yourblog. I will stop back by.

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