Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My question is not an easy one. Here goes my story, I was in a relationship with this woman for 3 years, then one day she decided to break up with me and that same week she just got with some dude who she met online while being with me and moved in with him that week. They were together for about a year and me and her became friends somewhat. She confided in me that he treats her badly and talks to her like she is worthless. It hurts me because I still love her, she has changed somewhat because now she has been sleeping with men and says it’s because of the hurt she is going through in her relationship. I am one of them men she has slept with and I want to attempt to work it out but now she wants to just run and relocate to another state. What do I do to get her to work things out with me? I’m confused. Thank you, Will I Am Not.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Will I AM Not”,
There is a problem here that you are not highlighting and I do not know if it is because you simply do not see it or do not see it. Your ex has issues, and her issues stem from well before this guy who treats her bad. She obviously created a dialogue with a person while with you. Played you for a period of time until she could make her escape to another man’s residence and this time she hit a wall. There must be something in her past that suggests the type of person she is and maybe you didn’t take the time out to learn your partner well enough. Never fret, this is educational and you need to learn to take care of what’s best for you. As for you trying to convince her of not making the move, for all you know she could have plotted this same behavior again and has some other online guy in another state waiting for her arrival. You can’t be “Captain Save Em”. She doesn’t choose to pursue you or any other man in your neighborhood for anything more than sex and maybe a place to live, however, what about your heart? What about your happiness, do you not feel you deserve more than this. Her sleeping with men has absolutely nothing to do with one guy treating her bad. Did you treat her bad when she decided to just lave unannounced one day and into the residence of another man? You need to talk to a professional, have a session, learn your full value, wear that value and attract a good woman that will love, honor & cherish you as you should her. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am dating this guy that has a baby’s mother and I’m confused because I don’t know what to make of the situation. They seem to get along well, I wonder if it is too well. They act like good friends and her man and my man even act like they are friends. We all have gone out and it’s not like he gives any of them more attention than me, but I never really see this and I wonder what is really going on. I mean, if they this cool, and then should I be worried that she and him have a chance to get back together? Thanks for responding. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
You should not be emailing me this, you should be taking this time to push your man in bed and give him the thank you of a lifetime. What you have is a very mature situation where two people realized they are better as friends and parents and have no intention of going past that. Never bring thoughts from other situations into that. This is an individual situation worthy of bragging. The fact that your man and her man are cool is maturity on a level all parents who do not wish to pursue a relationship should be on. You are welcomed into a world of love. The child is blessed to have this “family” and I can see where your concern comes in but I always like to say “If you look for negativity, you will find it, even if it DOESN’T exist.” These situations are a model situation and wish the total best for you all. Please keep me posted, I have a feeling that once you get past these thoughts, your relationship will enhance tenfold.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and I am wondering why he hasn’t let me meet his 5 year old son yet. I’m wondering if his son even knows that his father has a girlfriend. I want to be more with him but I feel like he just doesn’t let me into that part of his life and isn’t that important? I want to ask him but I don’t know how. Should I ask him or wait, it has been four months. Much Thanks. Kima

I see where your concern comes in, however, it is unwarranted. The time of your relationship may not sit well with your boyfriend in accordance with an introduction of his son. His son being 5 years old makes this a security issue as well. I can see your eagerness to “solidify” this relationship by being a part of his most precious world and it is understandable but a parent must always be careful. Ask about his son, show concern, and ask about his son’s likes and dislikes. These are ways of showing genuine concern and enable a parent to feel it from within. Four months or 14 months doesn’t warrant a meeting, but the level of concern and love expressed does. Trust me, instead of asking when you will meet him; make him want you to meet his son with your heart. Good luck with everything, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know if I should be upset or not but when my girlfriend goes out with her female friends she gets kind of drunk and she tends to have their short kissing sessions with her friends and or these body touching moments where her and her female friends touch each other’s body parts. I don’t know how to take this, should I take this as a tease and ask for a three-some, should I be upset that she is doing this with another, even though it’s women? I’m really confused and don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling. Can you shed some light? Mr. Confused Boyfriend

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Mr. Confused Boyfriend,
First thing you have to acknowledge is how you feel. That will give you a ledge on where to go with this situation. Once you are more familiar with this then bring a conversation of it. If it turns you on tell her that you love to watch her kiss women, and that because you take part in kissing her you really never viewed it. Express your curiosity of her feelings and thoughts and how far is she into it. If you have dislikes about this then you need to address that ASAP. Never allow that to fester and build within because then it will come out to be negative and destructive and you do not want that. I cannot tell you what you are supposed to be feeling but being that she does this in front of you can mean many things, it can be that she is simply a bad drunk and can’t make reliable decisions, it could be that she wants you to know another side of her and being drunk is the best way to comfortably show you, or it could be that she wants involvement from you. I know that in order for you to find out, you are going to need to communicate with her. Having effective communication will open her up to how she is feeling and you will learn more on how you are feeling. No matter what way it sways, you will learn something you need to learn. Good luck and keep me posted.

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