Dear Mr. Lover Man,There seems to be a constant problem in my relationship. It has been almost 9 years to the day that I met my boyfriend and minus about a year we broke up, we have been together the entire time. We got back together after that year off about 6 months ago. The problem is I cheated on him, got pregnant and although I miscarried, he always throws the cheating in my face every time we argue. The sex between us is different, the passion and love seems to have lessened and its more of just him being aggressive and getting his “satisfaction”. This hurts my feelings because we were more loving before and I want that back. Honestly I wasn’t going to keep the baby because the man I cheated with didn’t have any intention to have this baby and I felt alone. It just feels like every argument, no matter how big or small he throws it in my face. How can we get past this? Thank you “Looking for forgiveness”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Looking for forgiveness”,
First, you have to be aware that your boyfriend is still overwhelmed by a traumatic situation such as your cheating and being impregnated by the next man. It is obvious that its still holding a huge impact in his relationship with you and one can never give an exact time period for healing, however, there are ways to speed it a little bit. He deserves to be relieved of this trauma and to be able to play a healthy role in a relationship. The sex is different because he sees you different, because he feels different, there just very well may be a thought of you and the next man and that leads to his unloving aggression sexually, sort of him letting out the frustration. It isn’t right on either party to endure and you guys need to either consider ending this or communicating better to fix this. Counseling is something I highly recommend and I hope you guys seriously look into that. Sadly your horrible decision to cheat had consequences that affect you both deeply and until he can accept this without problem, this will always be an issue and the anger may grow and the arguments even more nastier than it is now. Communicate more effectively, admit you are wrong and how much you know you hurt him, offer the willingness to get counseling and admit the lengths you are willing to go to save this relationship on your part, if you truly feel its worth saving. I wish you guys the best. Please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I was dating my ex boyfriend for 3 years. And I am convinced of his love for me. No man has ever treated me as such a lady. I am writing this knowing this is all my fault and I just want help. In the beginning he told me he was the jealous type but was working on it and I would purposely do things to play on his jealousy. Every time we had a disagreement or argument I would threaten to leave. I guess he got tired of it because the last argument we had, he actually packed my things and told me to leave. I never wanted to break-up and I realize that now. My heart needs him back, I come to see him here and there but he tells me that me coming around isn’t good for the break-up. I want him back, what do I do? Thanks “Break up to Make up”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Break up to Make up”,
I guess this is a great case of “calling your bluff”. I think your childish antics have caught up with you. Your purposely making him jealous took away from time you could have been loving him, which would have increased your chances of being together right now. Your constant threats of leaving probably made him feel like you always wanted a way out, instead you should have showed him how much you wanted to stay. Hopefully this is a true lesson learned and one that can be recovered from. Don’t just wallow in your own sorrow, communicate with him better, don’t just ask him back, be more proactive and show him. Take responsibility for whatever role you played that ended the relationship. Don’t mention or focus on his role or part, you must sincerely address yours and yours alone. Stay focused on your goal and be totally honest with yourself and him always. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My fiancé and I are due to be married next year. We been together 4 years and engaged about 6 months. He has always been uncomfortable with the fact that my ex and I are friends. I tell him not to worry but he doesn’t like us hanging out alone. I never saw a problem with it until he and his ex began a friendship and them hanging out alone irritates, annoys, angers the hell out of me. Am I being a hypocrite for this? I am willing to end my friendship with my ex if he would with his but he isn’t willing to do so. What can I do to fix this? Sincerely, “He’s Mine”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “He’s Mine”,
I guess this is one of those karma moments or one of those what goes around moments, however, this really makes me wonder, why would you now give up a friendship you weren’t willing to give up before? Sounds suspicious to me, I mean if this is just an innocent friendship you had, why offer to execute it? Just because you feel the same uncomfort he did? This is suspect, however, this can be resolved with strong communication. Tell how you feel and how you understand how he felt, reassure him of the nature of your friendship in total honesty. I used to always say, only worry about it if you were doing something you shouldn’t in your situation. If your friendship was innocent then it cant possibly be so far fetched to believe his is innocent as well. As for if you are being a hypocrite, well one could say yes but that is not relevant right now, right now what’s relevant is communication that is not accusatory or not angry. Express honest feelings and be mindful his constant uncomfort of your friendship did not end your friendship so you cant possibly expect the same. Maybe there can be a common ground, maybe you all can go out together, break the ice and allow everyone to feel comfort with one another. Hope this works out for the best, please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man.
My boyfriend cheated on me and purposely was sloppy about it, then tells me he only did it because I had done it to him a year prior to that. I think that was childish and just plain out right ignorant of him. When I made my mistake it was a year ago. Like, why would you do that now? What should I do? He says now I know what he felt and that now we can move on. I don’t know what to do. Thanks “Confused”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear :Confused”,
I think you both are childish in both of your decisions. I think that he thought it was right but instead now there may be two broken bitter hearts when there should have been none and one thanks to you. Cheating is disgusting and horrible at all levels, as I’m sure you feel now that he has cheated. For the record, this can be survived if you both are serious about healing from these wounds and becoming one again. Be the better person and admit your wrong doings, admit how you feel and what you will do to reassure him your actions will never repeat itself with cheating. Also suggest couples counseling and ask how he feels about it. Allow him the chance to express himself and learn your partner. Learn from this and hopefully you both grow from this. If it doesn’t seem like you both can get over this then you will have to consider the option of breaking up. Hopefully the best for you both comes out of this. Please keep me posted
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