Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend gives me signs that she isn’t completely over her ex. She talks about him when we are watching movies. She will bring him up and say “Oh we did this before” and she still texts/calls him daily. She claims they are friends but this is everyday and I’m very uncomfortable and losing feelings. What should be my next move? Thank you for your advice “John”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “John”,
This is where communication and true expression of your feelings are a must. Sit her down, do not wait until it happens again but sit her down and express your feelings about the situation. I never see the relevance of calling and texting an ex daily. That is a clear sign that there still exists feelings that can threaten your relationship, however, this also shows that your partner may not be ready to be in a committed relationship. These are things you have to clearly express. You should not be subjected to having to “live with” her ex every day of your relationship. That’s not fair and it is not healthy for the progress of your relationship.
The thing that gets me about these situations is that you have went on quietly without expressing yourself that it is almost like you indirectly condoned the actions. Do not forget to tell her what this is doing to your feelings in this relationship. You both have to make a mature decision about where you both stand. Maybe she feels it is ok and will not budge on the topic. If that is the case then you need to make a decision that will make you happy. Weigh out the options but never compromise your happiness. The ex is the ex and you are the current. I think it is nice if people can break up and remain friends but daily calls and texts are absurd. That isn’t healthy at all. Stand firm but caring in your stance. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not feeling good about the situation I’m in. My man and his ex are hanging out once a week and always chatting it up on Facebook and whatever else they are doing. At first I tried to overlook that because I’m not a jealous type of lady but it’s going too far. When my ex contacted me to be friends, my man was not happy so I cut ties. He won’t even cut his for me and I feel like he still loving his ex. I don’t like this and don’t want to come off like I’m jealous, what do I do? “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Often when you have a feeling that something is going on, it just might be. When your partner worries about you and your ex being friends, which gives a clear sign that they worry something may happen because of how possible it could happen with him in his situation. You need to stop him in his tracks and talk to him. You have the very right to express your feelings, not in an accusatory manner, but in the matter of concern and to allow your honest feelings to surface. Do not worry about coming off jealous because as long as it is your honest concern and feelings that you are explaining then any civil individual would understand. One of the biggest cancers to a relationship is the relationship of the ex-boy/girlfriend. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m confused about where I want to be. I am starting to have feelings for my ex again. Ever since she reached out to me on FaceBook and we have been chatting, I feel like we can get past the things that broke us up. She has been trying to get with me but I have a girl. I told her this and she really is making changes to make it right. I love my girl but I still love my ex. Now I don’t know who I really want. My question is, how will I know which one is the one I want? “Mr. No Name”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. No Name”,
This confusion you claim is entirely your fault. When one of both of these females becomes hurt, it is entirely your fault. The problem with many people (you included) is that they assume that moving on to another relationship is the key to getting over the last one and it is not. You should have either made the final attempt to fix things with your ex or took sufficient time to get over it before you entered another relationship. The notion that you have allowed your ex back in to make these attempts, even though you are involved makes you some off like an inconsiderate asshole. Have you no care for you current partner? One should never allow the chase of another when in a committed relationship. You should have remained as firm as you wished your partner to be in the same situation had the roles been reversed. Now you have to own up to these actions and step forward honestly to your partner and tell her where you stand. You asked how will you know, well you wouldn’t have to ask if you knew, which clearly shows that it is you that isn’t ready for the committed relationship. You may need more time to settle things within before you invite someone into your world for inevitable heartache. You have to be honest first with self and then to the others. This situation is going to hurt someone, it is best to step forward now before the hurt deepens. Good luck, keep me posted.

Signs that your partner isn’t over the ex: One good sign is that they keep mementos to always reminisce out and to always hold on to. It is not healthy if your partner has these mementos posted publicly while in another relationship. Those are definitely red lights going off. Another sign is the increase of contact, which is not something that should be happening, especially while in a relationship with another. There are other signs such as saying their name when speaking to you, over usage of the ex’s stories or the comparison’s of the ex with you or anyone. Someone unwilling to talk about the ex at all is also a sign that they are not over the ex. Some people avoid the discussion people they can’t bear to talk about it without feelings arising.

Do not accuse or assume, instead express concerns of your personal feelings. This can always be worked through if both partners are committed to making it work. This can and will only work with communication. Allow your partner to feel as if this isn’t your feelings against them but instead it is you reaching out to work on this together. Take time to learn the next person as an individual and not as the person the ex is or isn’t. Let time work for you and stop thinking it’s against you. Be cautious and patient, be honest and caring but always be you. Good luck to all and never let the next suffer because of the ex. Learn the individual.

Mr. Lover Man’s words..
The case of the Ex vs. the Next is so old yet so cancerous in too many relationships. People tend to run to another relationship to attempt to ease the heartache of the last one and it only causes confusion and misleads the partner. It is always best to take time to work within and let one’s heart heal before one misleads self and others to thinking the next situation is as purely perceived as it should be.


Monday, March 21, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am really having a dilemma, I want to get rid of this very clingy guy but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. How should I go about it? He creeps me out a little bit with the way he goes from sweet to upset in a second over small things. He calls too much asking me too many questions and always wants to take me to places that I have to go. HELP! “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
This sounds like there was a progression of possession here. I’m very sure there were signs because there always are. However, what happens is many women tend to think a little jealousy is cute and even goes along way but when you nurture that jealousy just like anything else, it grows, and in this case it grows to creep-ville. The first thing I want you to do is remain calm and honest. That is very important and when confronting this individual about the choices you are making, make sure someone(s) are in the area. Possessive and jealous people have been known to use physical force to attempt to defy the end when their words can no longer do so. His flip flop in emotions can mean many things, could be mental illness but also could be an out of control abuser waiting to be surfaced. Either way, you know you want out and you must stick to that. Now, you do not have to be mean, being firm and honest isn’t equivalent to being mean. If the calls persist and other things grow without him getting the hint, you must contact your local authorities because you can not underestimate someone in a possessive or jealous rage. Please be safe and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not the type to argue or complain but my man is the only person to have brought it out of me. He never allows me to have a point of view and I am beginning to feel like he is abusive. He never hit me but he over talks my ever idea and no longer lets me live my social life that I always had. I love him but things changed. He really is possessive and I don’t like feeling like a prisoner. Save our relationship Mr. Lover Man. Thank you. “Mary”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mary”’
That is views as a form of abuse. You have the right to feel that way. In any situation in life, when you feel discomfort you MUST mention it and say so in the very beginning. Ignoring or forcing yourself to tolerate is the quiet way of accepting and saying its ok. In this situation it is NOT ok. A possessive partner is not a safe partner. You must remember that you are not his car, sofa or television and that you also have time and emotion invested in this relationship. There is a union and partnership that must be respected, if not, it has failed. You have to express these hurts and you have to express what you miss. Remind him who you are in his life and your position by his side, tell him you are willing to fight enough that you recommend therapy or professional intervention. People can’t turn of jealousy and possessiveness overnight. This is something that has been growing for quite some time and you need to end it asap. You have to tell him the importance of your social life and the importance of him having one as well. You do not want him to be dominating. There is a difference with masculinity and possessive. They do not have anything to do with each other. I need you to be truthful and expressive. If he is unwilling to make accommodations and seek help then you need to consider the harsh realities. One is that there is a great (almost guaranteed) chance that he will always do this, he will end up hitting on you and/or verbally abuse you to the point that he owns you because of diminishing esteem. You need to determine your value, not him. You need to take one final stand for this relationship. If he won’t, then you walk away. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My wife just changed on me like a chameleon. She went from affection and love to jealous and psycho. All I did was put a ring on her finger. Now she acts like she owns me. I have lost my own time because of this. She wants every second of my life. I need a breather, the marriage is worth fighting for and I love my wife but this is pushing me somewhere. Give me some tips so I turn this frog back to my queen. “Rob”

Your wife probably displayed slight hints of this and you may have tolerated it, blinded by the good. It happens too many but now that you are not only bonded by the heart but by law, it makes the sense of urgency a bit more. You need to honestly sit your wife down respectfully and honestly express your feelings about this. Ultimately there has to be ground made and she has to be willing to make changes because your marriage and the happiness that should have accompanied it depend on it. She may not even realize the costs of her actions and you don’t need to throw ultimatums in her face but just honestly express how it is affecting you. Let her express herself and her willingness to make changes, if she isn’t willing to then you have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to take before you walk away for good. Happiness is yours, never throw it away in an unhealthy relationship. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If my boyfriend loves me why does he talk down to me? I stay at home, I cook, clean and do things a girl should. I don’t understand why he has to treat me like I’m not doing my thing. What should I do to make him understand? “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous",
Disgustingly, he does this to criticize so you can feel bad about yourself. This is to destroy your self esteem. The rationale (although pathetic) is that If you don't feel good about yourself then you will believe that no one else truly wants you for you. Then he has opened the forum to remind you how much he loves you or to impress upon you that you are lucky to have him so you never run off. This can turn to fear and a loss for inner self to the point that you end up believing that crap. He wants to dominate and own you; he wants to crack your will and your sense of independence so that you depend on him. You have already accepted the gender roles of what you believe a “girl should do” instead of having a partnership. You need to nip any down talk in the bud and remind him that he is to never speak to you like this. You are not his property, you are his partner and if he chooses to want property, you must remove yourself from this situation. These situations only lead to violence and every form of abuse. When words no longer have an effect, possessive and jealous men result to fist and feet. Please be safe, honest and firm. You are worth more. You must believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.

If their opinions of how you look are always condescending or in doubt.
Putting you down constantly.
Over excessive calls and/or always asking your whereabouts and the next move you make.
Always injecting self to take you everywhere you have to go.
Lack of esteem or outlook. Always in a bind (often fake) to make you run to his aide.
Angered about minor things way too often.
Doesn't communicate well but chooses to debate or argue instead.
Please be careful and never assume another person's position. Don't assume one day he/she will change, you must demand it and you must make sure you see it, if not you must evacuate the relationship. Good luck. Thank you for reading.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'm in an online situation with this guy and he wants me to travel quite some miles to meet him but I'm not comfortable. I really like him and we chat for hours daily, but for some reason this isn't feeling good. WHat do I do? Ms.Travelocity
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Ms. Travelocity,
Your instinct may be picking up something you are ignoring and you should trust your instinct. Have him some to you. I have included with this post a list of must follows for Online Dating that in my opinion not only keeps you safe but also cuts out the unqualified. Good luck and please read further, you will see what I mean. Keep me posted.

Is it bad that I'm looking for love online? My friends seem to think so. What do you think? Thank you from "Seeking Truth"
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Seeking Truth",
The fact of the matter is that 20% of successful relationships started online. There is a hughe phenomenom with online dating but many things to consider when dealing with this. Not everyone is a pervert but on the flip side not every charming quote is backed by a respectable man. I included some good rules to follow to get you rolling and into a better online situation. Good Luck and please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man’s Online Dating Rules for Women to Follow

Post a clear photo without criticizing yourself, men are tired of the need for validation from every guy online. Just post it and say nothing, let them do all the talking. Real men see through the desperate attempt to have tons of men make you feel good.

NEVER reply to opening lines that are clearly hitting on you, these are cheesy, lame attempts often copied and pasted to a series of women. Have some class if you are looking for something other than online chat.

Immediately block someone over sexual, over annoying or over intrusive. Not doing so gives a message to others that it is ok to do so. Set limits, even in the online world, it’s never “Just Twitter, FaceBook, E-Harmony” etc. There are physical people pushing those buttons, take it as such.

Do not offer your real name or real email that you do business or have family involving with. Have an alternative that means nothing but access to social sites.

Do not appear desperate and do not offer self after seeing a picture, chances are you are not the only one and will be treated accordingly.

Do not reply to emails in 5 minutes. Give it some time to reply, take a day or so and think clearly what you want to convey as your message of you. You have time; it isn’t like you are face to face.

Online dating can be as dangerous as picking up a stranger in the club. You do NOT know what you are really getting so act safe in every step. If you do meet someone, please make sure someone(s) knows your plan and if they alter, Call or text someone to let them know.

Never spend hours straight on your social site; it gives a message that you have nothing else going on in your life. Visit often but in shorter spurts, give a little and watch you receive a lot. Women who chase men online appear desperate and only offering sex, do not fall into this stereotype unless it is true; in that case, good luck. If this is not the case, let yourself be chased a little more. Now clearly this is not saying do not go after what you want, just don’t throw your all without even knowing anything other than a picture and a quote. Take time to learn, take time slowly to open up other avenues of communication.

Another lame and I mean super lame thing to do is to talk about how good your sexual performance is publicly or in your profile. No one will ever say “wow I can take her serious”, but will say “I wouldn’t mind trying that for a moment”. Or even just think you are an attention seeking idiot. Avoid that mess at all costs.

Do not settle for the type of men you don’t like because you are just bored and chatting online. Stay true to yourself always; this is you giving you despite it being behind a computer.

If he does not respond to your email after 3 or 4 days, he clearly isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. That’s a sign to evacuate.

Importantly, if you are being humorous, clearly let that be known as in text form, words can be misconstrued.

Do NOT and I repeat, do NOT lie about your size or job function. These are two turnoffs knowing they will find out. Camera angles used to hide your size or other things are tricks to lure people in that you do not think would if you didn’t. That shows your weaker side. Be true always, it doesn’t matter whether online or not, be true always. They will always find out one way or another anyway.

Chatting with a lot of men at once can turn off your Mr. Right. It’s ok to have conversation but once pet names and offers with dozens of men occur, a real man won’t stick around but knows he has someone out there willing to give him more attention.

NEVER risk your safety for the sake of a date. Let it always and I mean always be on your terms and your safe grounds. Do NOT travel miles to a place you never been with a man you never met. Let him come to you, in a hotel, meeting at a public place on your terms ALWAYS.

Please check out dome other interesting blogs I thought would peak your interest.




Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I was on a first date with this guy and I felt bad when he slightly checked out other woman. Do I have that right? I mean it’s only the first date.
Thank you from “Eyes Focused”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Eyes Focused”,
You darn right you have the right to feel what you did. People do not realize that you took time out your life schedule to take some time to get to know this guy and if he cannot show the common courtesy but to give you the equal attention then he shown where his interest lies. You need to think real clear if this is the type of individual you may want to pursue more time with. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it right to have sex on a first date? I went on a date with this hot girl and all I could think about was getting between her legs. I can’t even say I can recall most what she said. Had I went for it, would it have been ok? I feel like I missed an opportunity here. Thanks man. Anonymous Male.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous Male”,
You are the poster boy for who a girl should NOT bring home to their mother and the reason many of us men are in the stereotype we are in. Thanks for absolutely nothing. With that being said, I would like to mention that in your immature sexual focus, you could have missed out on key cues and words that could have told you a lot more about this woman in your presence. Not only did you give her the perverse dog side of you but you never let the best you shine. You have most likely limited the chances of probably being with an amazing woman. Your inability to focus for a short period of time on a woman who is giving you the opportunity to learn her and to learn you shows your immaturity levels are in its prime. The focus isn’t always your penis, you need to utilize the other head and offer more of yourself and appreciate the other things women offer. Good luck with growing up and please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man’s Dating Do's

1. Be on time, first impressions are important on both ends. There will times a nice waist and cute face just won’t get you anywhere and testing a man’s patience on the first date is definitely one of them. It shows responsibility and interest into having this first date.

2. Make your appearance one that stands out. This doesn’t mean dress like Cinderella for the ball, but something that shows you took some time and consideration into this moment and take note if he has done the same.

3. Ask questions and pay attention to answers, show that you are paying attention by periodically commenting or later on bringing up a response about his favorite movie or book. It pays off big time.

4. Give information but not too much. This is the first date and you cannot scare him off with stories about the men you slept with or the ex’s who have shattered you or whatever the case. Be interesting and be honest, but, do not and I repeat do not overdue it. That has been known to be a killer in the dating scene.

5. It is nice to compliment your date’s looks, especially if they took time and effort into getting themselves together for this date. It is really a rewarding feeling when acknowledged for the time and energy put into assembling the outfit. (It scores points)

6. Have a positive attitude and only be in environments of comfort. This is the first date and you need to make sure you can enter your zone at any time comfortably and exit respectfully if need be.

7. Importantly, date people who you like more than your friends like. Do not always date your friend’s type, it will breed resentment and ultimately this failed date may be associated with that friend. Date who you like to date because it is you on the date, not your friends.

8. Think ahead about a plan b for the date. The male may or may not have a plan for the date but things can always go wrong against anyone’s will and that’s ok. It happens, but, have a plan b and if appropriate, it’s ok to make suggestions. Or even work together on the suggestion (even though it was your plan all along).

9. Be very honest if the date is not going to lead to another one. The duck and avoid is not only childish but breeds bad karma. You really want to be mature and get into the habit of a more responsible person. Now that is something that men find attractive. Be honest, respectful and be sincere, but do not be mean about it.

10. Think clearly about dating before you do so. Try to be open-minded because often we think we know what Mr. Right is and we don’t. Try to enjoy moments when dating occurs and weigh things out after. You have the right to be happy.

Mr. Lover Man’s Dating Don'ts

1. Being late is a huge negative. I don’t think I can emphasize this enough. In the event of a real situation out of your control then be responsible enough to call and apologize while explaining ahead of time. Being late is just plain rude.

2. Do NOT check out other people on the date. Those that ever told you stupid silly idiotic things like “it’s ok because he isn’t your man anyway” should high five their own faces. First thing, that is just a huge turn-off, it shows no sense of self style and you have removed all notion of any seriousness about yourself that you may have expressed. You should be respectful enough to give enough attention to the person who has volunteered to give their time and attention to you. Trying to be slick can end a date real quick. It is really a date killer. Be courteous.

3. Do not continuously date the same type of people who continuously hurt you or play you for a fool. If you want a bad boy, then remind yourself that you will get bad boy things done to you. (Not generalizing, just making a great example). You have to pull away from the things that lure you into weak traps to receive the same nonsense you always do. Be willing to really invest in finding someone who is compatible when you least expect it.

4. Do not overanalyze! This is a killer on first dates and when one forgets that it is just one date and often they don’t enjoy themselves. Please remember it’s just the first one and you are to have a good time. I know you may be looking for Mr. Right but that process takes time, for now take advantage of a potentially great moment and enjoy it. Laugh, smile, enjoy and learn.

5. Do not lie to your date about events or people in your life. These things ultimately come to surface and then sprinkle doubt on everything you say/have said. How sad it would be to ruin what could be an amazing relationship because of some lie used to try to sound cooler than you think you are when you are more than enough.

6. Do not assume good looks with safety. Do not be lured into any environment or situation you are not comfortable with. Allow yourself to text or call updates periodically with friends while on your bathroom breaks (two breaks are fine). Make sure your phone is charged before the date and carry an extra charger in your bag/purse. You just never know who this is you are on the date with, no matter how attractive he is.

7. If you want to sleep with him, DON’T. That is not negotiable. Unless you are looking for just sex or a one night stand, sleeping on the first date will not give off a message of anything other than that’s what you do and immediately puts him in the position to treat you as such. You can’t have a dating plan that ends with sex on the first date when he doesn’t even know you, so obviously he doesn’t really like you other than what you look like.

8. Do not get drunk. For many obvious reasons but most of all because you need to carry yourself respectfully when getting to know someone as they are getting to know you.

9. Do not give too much personal information on the first date; whatever information was exchanged to set the date up is good enough until you get to know this person better. Do not rush into knowing this person, as rushing can lead to overlooking and that leads to heartache and disappointment.

10. Absolutely, positively NEVER date a married person. That is just absolutely ridiculous and according to statistics you are only going to find a whole bunch of heartache, headache and problems you do not need. If someone is married but separated, you need to know where this separation is leading to. If it’s in doubt then you do not go further. You need someone who can focus on you and not on maybe you and maybe the wife. That’s absurd and shows low esteem, one which the married person will pick up on and utilize against you.