Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been married for ten years and unhappy for the last six years. My wife & I haven’t had sex in the last two years and we pretty much continue this relationship because of our two children. I find myself wanting the companionship I am missing in my marriage. I want to kiss, hold and make love to someone and my wife isn’t an option. I have a friend that I have been spending a little time wife and she is in a marriage that is not providing what we need. Spending time with her has opened my eyes to what I am missing and although it is not sexual, the tension exists and our interests in exploring something more is common. I think about her all the time and I find myself wondering if I would be having an affair and that is something I do not want to do. I want to move forward but I know I am still married, help me please. From: Anonymously Unhappy

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymously Unhappy”,
Your length of time of unhappiness is quite lengthy and I am wondering how the communication is at home. I understand the conflict within but in order for you to feel great about whichever direction you choose to go, think about a few things. The first thing is, how effective of a communicator have you been lately? Are you clear that this marriage is over and is it beyond repair? The reason you need to know is because you can not make these decisions for you wife and you should always close one door before opening another. Should there be hope of making your marriage work, are you willing to do your part? When you address these questions and if you find yourself in a situation that directs you to move forward, you need clarity on where this women will stand in your world as opposed to her marriage. Do not give up your marriage for a woman that may never exit hers. Communication is your answer and until you answered these questions clearly, do not make the decision to abandon your marriage just yet. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am on the brink of having an affair and I am in need of help because I really love my husband. I have a male friend who makes me feel more alive and more passionate about myself than I have felt in quite a while. Our friendship is relatively new, about a year and a half and I really enjoy his company. He is in a relationship of his own but our flirting grows over time. I know I probably shouldn’t be doing it but it feels good when we are flirting. It makes me realize the thing missing at home. Give me some words here because I really am ready to make a move and I know I shouldn’t. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I always have a problem with these “friends” who claim to be a friend but have ulterior motives and the person in the relationship which knows better but engages in it anyway. First thing, he is not you friend if he knows very well that you are married and is trying to have his way with you outside of the friendship. Real fiends would not do so, especially that you have not claimed you had issues at home and were open about you really loving your husband. I think that the things you realize you are claiming to be missing at home should be worked on before you venture to try to find it elsewhere. You have to try and remember that your home is where you must work on always. The love exists but does the willingness to respect this love exist? Who are you in your relationship and are you willing to lose your home relationship to be a side-piece to a friend who is obviously only friending you for a piece of sex. All too often I have seen these situations where the person actually engages and either ruins the home relationship and/or realizes they risked something great only to be revealed as a quick piece of sex. The smart choice is to work on things at home, to communicate and to make sure you don’t just respect your relationship at home but when you are not home as well. You being on the brink of an affair isn’t so much about your friend, but more so about who you are. I hope you are better than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My marriage has lost its spark, it has been on the decline for quite a while and I don’t think either of us has had the guts to admit it out loud. My wife spends more time in a separate room and no longer embraces me as I walk in from work. The little things are gone and I find myself interested in other women at work. I get hit on quite often and have always been professional but I feel lonely in my own home. I feel like I need to seek love somewhere, as my wife has not shown me any. Thank you for your time. “Steven”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Steven”,
I think before you take this cop-out of an excuse, you need to exercise all options in your marriage. Have you tried counseling? Doesn’t sound like you have. Have you decided that it would be smarter to communicate out loud as opposed to assumptions and doing something stupid? The little things that have diminished have part of your responsibility on it. The fact that you felt this occurring and have not maturely addressed this shows that you played a part in its demise. Could this be saved? Of course it can, do you really want that? You do not need to seek love anywhere but home and should this mutually come to an end, then and only then should you seek love elsewhere. You are in a vowed marriage and for better or worse, you must stand by your promise to try and make this work and exercise all options. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am in a great relationship that hits a snag. This snag is my girlfriend’s 7 year old son. The child is a good, well behaved child but does not warm up to me. I tried extending myself in a manner that I felt was safe and somewhat warming but this child does not even talk to me. I really do not know what to do. I found myself pulling away and not knowing what to say when I visit them. I really want this to work, please help me.

Signed respectfully, “A good man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “A good man”,

This is such a common situation and I want to take this time to applaud you for your attempts and your position and where you want this to go. It is not easy for a child to warm up to the man who has just imposed into his world and has snatched attention from the most important person in his life. I’m not sure if the child has a strong bond with his biological father but that can also play a role. It will take time and in this time, try to find out all the little things that he likes. Go out as a trio and see his favorite movies, plays, game halls, etc., and you will slowly see the ice melt. He needs to feel safe and can’t feel second in his mom’s world. He needs to often be reassured that you are not coming in to make things difficult. A child cannot be expected to have the same clear understanding of the situation as the adults present in the situation. It is your job to ask yourself how much do you want this and should it be more yes than no, then you have to allow patience to be your best friend. I have seen the successes in these stories and would love to know that yours is also one. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do you know if you can bring someone around your child? I have been dating this loving man for four months and we have been in such awe of one another. I am seemingly falling in love and he has expressed similar feelings but a little a bit stronger. He has expressed interest in meeting my daughter and I have never let any man meet my daughter because I am very protective. Will this ruin the relationship if I wait too long and when will I know I can trust him? Thank you so much Mr. Lover Man, from Momma Bear.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Momma Bear”,

It is great to protect our children and that is something that all parents should pride selves in. Your situation is one that many parents dating ask themselves. You should engage in conversation with you daughter and set up dialogue. Allow her chance to prepare for the moment when she meets someone new. Remind her of her position and how this is an addition and not substitute.

As for your boyfriend, you will know when the time is right when you start to daydream of moments of you three co-existing in such a wonderful manner. Those moments that you can visualize how great it can be because of how great he is to you and when you stop that thought and you feel you miss it although it hasn’t happened, then you will know it is the right time. Make sure you have a deep detailed talk about this, fully understand how he feels and do not irrationally impose expectations on him that is not fair. Your daughter is first but she is not only, you have to remember that this is new for everyone and you will be the facilitator, so to speak.

As for your concern about the waiting process being a negative, well it can be. Not definitely but one may wonder the level of seriousness if one can never fully enter his partner’s world. I have a feeling that is not the issue here but in conversation, reassurance and a request of patience is reasonable. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I never had a good relationship with my step-dad. He was real military and not emotional. He really was nice to my mom and was a complete heel to me and my brother. Ok, so here we are up to date, my girlfriend has a child and she knows I had nothing but bad memories with my step-dad because I told her. Now she thinks I may not have the ability to be a good step parent if the time comes to meet her son. I am not a bad person and I don’t think that it’s a picture that should be painted about me. How can I change her from thinking this way? It’s not fair for me. Thanks. “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

Your yesterday should not ever be held over your head, especially when you are too far ahead into today. You have to remind her of who you are and tell her that because of your experiences that you actually know what it feels like and could never inflict upon another. Your story of yesterday can’t change who you are and your willingness to share is commendable. Make sure you communicate, not in a defensive manner, but in the honest way that you can. You must continue to present who you are and respect her position to take precaution to protect her son as any honorable parent would. She didn’t break up which clearly means that she is still on board. Have patience and communicate. Never shy from being you and allow her time to see once again how great you are. Good luck and keep me posted.

Friday, December 2, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need your help like yesterday. I am married but I got caught up into a relationship at work with a supervisor and now it’s beginning to affect my relationship at home. My supervisor doesn’t want more than sex but he is somewhat reckless with his communication and my husband is beginning to catch on. How can I ease my way out of the one at work & fix my relationship at home without ruining my chances of productivity at work? Respectfully Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place”,
First thing is that in you search to slide your way out of sleeping with a supervisor, you neglect the disrespect and lack of regard to your husband. Your decision to cheat and lie has placed you in a situation with a supervisor who does not respect you as his actions show with his clear disrespect to your marriage at home as his form of communication is reckless. He does not care about whether you get caught or not because he has power over you and you are too weak to confront it. You rather risk hurting you husband who probably is supportive and loving than confront your supervisor about his blatant disrespect of your home. You are a weasel of the worst kind, however, there is a way to change this position you are in.

First thing you have to do is let your supervisor know the importance of your marriage (if that truly exists) and why the situation you have with him can no longer exists and anything outside of professionalism is on zero tolerance. If this is not something the supervisor will accept, any conversation further than that should be recorded without his knowledge. You will need to cover yourself as all too often, when the female the boss is screwing gets boring or wants to return home, it has been reported to not settle well with the power mongering boss.

Do something amazing for your husband, as a matter of fact, be amazing for you husband, more so for yourself and focus all the extra marital sex on your husband. You need to grow up and make mature decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I feel played and humiliated at work. My boss is a dog and I fell into his chauvinistic ways. Here is my story: My boss came across as a charming man, someone respectful and always complimenting me. I really thought he was different and after a month of relations it seems like he is doing the same exact thing he did with me to the new girl and I am beyond livid. I can already sense how others are looking at me and I am humiliated. I want to confront him, no, I want to rip his head off and key his car but I can’t afford to lose my job. Please help me. Thank you, “Used”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Used”,
There is not much that can be done other than embrace the fact that he played you so now focus on moving forward. It’s not easy and I understand how humiliated you feel but ultimately you have to work in that environment and you need to do what you must to further educate yourself to qualify for a higher position and be the example for change. You can use your experience to help others; you can take what you have learned and move forward. Unfortunately this is too common at the workplace and something that will not just simply stop as the power given with title is abused in many ways. You will have to learn to protect yourself from further advances from males at the workplace as once it is known, usually others hone in to try and take advantage of what can be labeled the “easy girl”. You need to focus on why you were hired and what it is you have to do at work. Don’t try to be anything other than a hard worker.

It is known that 17% of women have slept with their bosses and only about 30% felt any type of benefit. Most of the time it is the boss using the position as a degrading means to sex whomever they feel will fall for it. You need to focus more on the best you and do not allow this dirtbag to determine your worth. Do not run from the topic and do not give him any other attention outside of the professionalism to co-exist. Other than that, never lose sight that he is a scum bag who is not in the department of change. You need to focus on being in that department. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am the President of a particular company and I find myself fantasizing about the secretary. I do not wish to be labeled as one of those with power who use this power to sleep around. I am a respectable man whom has taken strong pride in working my way up by sweat and lack of sleep. I am influenced to remain shy of engaging with those lower on the hierarchy of the work ladder by my peers. I am not one that has been known to become easily swayed by others but I can see how this looks. Is there anyway to approach this without being labeled and without causing a stir? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
No, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and anyone who thinks otherwise is so far removed from reality, you should give them crayons to dram their next steps in life. The truth is that the labels are there, a secretary sleeping with the boss is never equal and never respectable. As long as one person possesses power over the other whether status or genuine power, there is no equality, which is why Doctors or Lawyers should never sleep with their patients/clients. One person has entered the relationship with more power over the other and this will forever remain as such. I don’t know what type of relationship you are seeking but do not mislead yourself or her. Should you choose to pursue this, do so for reasons genuine to self and never lose sight of who you are. Remain the President of the company that sweated profusely and slept little to hold a position to make a difference. Do not allow a situation like a work fling to destroy that. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Sleeping with the boss is something that has been age old. Far less has truly benefitted and often those that have, in some form or fashion has been labeled accordingly (ex: Monica Lewinsky). The best way to succeed is to earn it and never compromise who you are for a short cut that could end by keeping you labeled and forcing higher ups to never respect you enough to give you a chance for growth at work. Be the best you at all times because your work fling is not a secret, men at work talk more than women at work and that’s often because men at work feel they can. More men are at power and hold status in this world than women and that’s by a huge margin. 60& of men and 70% of women lose respect for you in that situation. Much blessings to all and earn yours off your back. Much respect.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love your blog site and I know you will answer straight up. I am trying to figure out if I have a healthy sexual relationship. What would you consider a healthy one? Samantha  :)

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Samantha,
Thank you so much for your kindness. A healthy sexual relationship entails of many components, I’ll gladly share with you some. First and foremost, both partners should feel pleased almost equally with the activities that are going on. Neither one should ever feel forced and unable to say “NO” when applicable. There should be a mutual respect before and afterwards where both parties can feel as if they weren’t placed in a situation of disgust. Trust is a strong component of a healthy relationship and both parties should feel safe in the arms of their partner’s sexual history and present activities. There can be an individual component that pleases a couple that they may determine “healthy” but these are general and applies in most instances. Hope this helped you and please keep in touch.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What can be done to increase the sexual drive in my husband? He has issues with erection and is embarrassed about it. I will not let that make me cheat because he is the man I love and want. I am frustrated but I feel bad more than frustrated. Help us. From “Love without a limit”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love without a limit”,
It is said by the experts in the field that it isn’t much about the drive per say but whether the drive has ever reached its potential. Each person’s drive is limited and in every relationship differs. There are many factors as to why his drive may have diminished; stress, money issues, eating fried or greasy foods, long term smokers, and all sorts of emotional and physical conditions all play a part in the diminishing. I honor you for not bailing out and for sticking it through. It will get better and you will love it in the future. As treatment or intervention is injected in this situation for whatever the cause may be, the erection difficulty diminishes, the desire increases and a new confidence is formed. Do not pressure him where additional stress forms, only setting him further back. Instead, continue to be the supportive force you are and trust me when I say, when he finds his “mojo” again, he will give to you what no one has. Good luck with everything and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Is cybersex cheating? Is it unhealthy and how can I get my woman to accept it? She is against it and I love it. I think it offers ideas we can use in real life, she thinks only perverts do it and I want her to be more open minded. Thank you, Anonymous.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Cybersex being labeled cheating is something you have to discuss with your partner. I know many who would say it is and some who would feel it is harmless. I for one consider it cheating but like I said, your partner may not. You should open those lines of communication and respect how your partner feels. The best way to open her up to it is to allow her to experience it with you and walk her through how it turns you on. Tell her what it is you want to do to her and then proceed to doing so. Make it something visual for her to see what she will feel later on. It’s not impossible to get her to be more open but do not force it upon he, she is entitled how she feels as well. Importantly, it is a known statistic that spending 11 plus hours in a week on internet sex sites is a clear sign of psychological distress. At this rate online sex interferes with real sex and other avenues of life which can increase a strong risk of dependence to this cybersex world. Be moderate with you activities and never allow it to replace what you have. Good luck, keep me posted.

Monday, October 31, 2011


Hi Mr. Lover Man,
How are you? I am not sure if you can help me. My story is like this. I'm 39 yrs old and I know this guy from I was 10 yrs old. I always liked him and we became an item in the 1990's. I was very active in my church and I did not have sex with him and we broke up. I am from a small island and I went back to my country in 1993 and got pregnant from an ex. The guy I'm talking about heard about it and thought I moved on and he moved on and got married. I came back to the U.S in 2004 & we hooked up & one thing led to another and we finally had sex, I got pregnant and have a 6 year old child. His family knows about it, but his wife has no idea he has an outside child. We have been seeing each other for 7 years & we are very active sexually. I really love him and he gives me the impression that he feels the same. But I am so frustrated with this whole situation & I want to leave but it is so hard especially sharing a child together. He has 2 boys with his wife and I have a daughter. I don't know what to do sometimes. I feel bad a lot of times knowing I did this to another woman, but he does not make it easy for me either. Any advice? & what do you think about this person who is keeping this secret (Love child) a secret. You are a Love expert, so I hope you can help me. :)

 MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Sadly, people will be hurt because of this selfish and immature situation you find yourself in. Knowingly sleeping with a man who is married and without using protection is disgusting and makes me wonder if you were foolish enough to actually believe that something other than your situation would arise? I understand how these situations happen and although I do not personally agree with it, my personal opinion means naught. Let’s work on what’s wisest for the next step. Your frustration will continue to mount and you will continue to be a secret because you have allowed this. Keeping this a secret will hurt you child’s life for the years to come and revealing it will possibly destroy a marriage and ruin the situation you have with him. There is more so than not a chance that hurt is unavoidable. You have to weigh in what’s most important, your sex with this guy and your child remaining a secret (because you will never be anything more in his eyes) or to finally communicate with him that you both have to figure out a way to not take from the relationship the kids deserve to have with one another. Now be mindful, the hurt that will come from this can cause the boys from his marriage to despise you and your secret child but can ease with time. You have asked what do I think about a person who is keeping this secret, well my answer is the same way I think about the other person who allows this. You both have engaged in a selfish act and should consider righting this for the kid’s sake. You need to remove your selfish wants and finally inject the notion of doing the right thing and making the kids a public priority. I feel most sorry for his wife and her children who did not ask for this situation and whose life will forever be altered due to you selfishly disgusting act. I hope you finally decide to do the right thing and remove your sexual wants for what’s best for the child who has been a secret.
Good luck with everything and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am dating someone who has broken up with his girlfriend of three years and he also has a one-year-old son.
They have only been separated for two months and he says she wants him back. I said maybe he should go back to her and try and work things out for the sake of his son, but he said he doesn’t want to because they don’t get along anymore.
He hasn’t told her about us yet properly because it is early in our dating life and he is not sure what will happen between us. At times I think he likes me a lot and then there are other times that I am not sure what’s going on.
I think he speaks about her too much and isn’t giving us a chance to grow.
I am not really sure how to handle the situation. Could you give me some advice?

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
You are looking into this far more than you should. You guys literally just started dating and too many factors say you are going to rush into a broken heart. If you feel there is enough interest to pursue knowing him better than I say to get to know who he is. However, dating him at this point may be a bit premature in his getting over someone phase. I believe that time always differs for every individual but if he is constantly speaking of her while with you, then those alarms are going off that possibly he needs a little time. I’m not saying to completely dump the guy, but, I am suggesting that you express your concerns and pull back from him. You shouldn’t expect him to make the announcement to his ex about you so quick. That’s something that people make an issue about when it is not of great importance this early. The only time that would be of any importance is if you are taking a role in his child’s life. The territorial stance that people wish to pose by letting an ex know about their existence is childish and should not be a concern of yours at this stage what so ever. Focus on just getting to know him safely and do not move too fast. This situation may not be the right one right now if ever. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
It's been almost two years since my ex and I broke up. I am feeling lonely.
Recently I have been going through a very difficult time and all I want is to talk to him. I sit at home and think about my past and I just want to call him. We haven't talked to each other for a while now but the urge is really strong. I think that I am able to forgive him for cheating.
What should I do?  Help me please, Anonymous.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Never allow loneliness to make decisions that a clear mind wouldn’t make. One of the bigger reasons for entering the wrong relationship is loneliness and your email screams this. I understand that going through a difficult time can muster up old emotions and mislead self into thinking things that normally one wouldn’t but do not let this moment walk you into a world of repeated hurt. Remain focused on yourself and work on altering your thought process by reminding yourself why it is you are having these thoughts and how you deserve better. You haven’t been in contact with him in so long that you have no idea if this individual has progressed from being the cheater he was while with you. I think you should not engage with him in any form and chalk this up to those lonely thoughts and not some emotional connection brewing like out of some cheesy B rated movie. Please keep me posted, good luck.

Thursday, September 22, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a peculiar situation that I am sure I have not read on the previous posts but I feel that you will give it to me with honesty. Here is the thing, I am in love with someone that I probably should not be in love with. I am 19 and so is she. We were raised right next to each other and our parents gew up together. They always say we are cousins but we are not related by blood at all. Our parents are our God-Parents and they would be upset if they knew that we have been involved for a year. Here is where the situation gets harder. She is 4 months pregnant and we have been hiding it very well. I know that there will be a time we cant hide it but I dont even know how to tell my parents or her parents without breaking their hearts. Please guide me through this.We are in love deeply. Thank you from *John Doe*
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "John Doe",
Situations like this may not be an everyday affair but they happen. I will say that there is no way to convey this message to the families without any person feeling a certain way, however, the message can be delivered to make sure that your point is felt. One thing you want to do is admit your feelings in a way that is not only showing your mature security in the relationship but flatters the parents that they know you love their daughter because she is a great person from a great family. How could you not love her? Remind them of the closeness, the years of knowing one another in detail and how it evolved fom a friendhsip like no other. Admit your fears in expression but stand strong in confidence. Will this ease everyones heart 100%? Maybe not but it will ease many. You really want to open them up to the perspective of you guys and ultimately the happiness of your independent relationship matters most but I can clearly see its important to have everyone on board. Follow what I said and I think it will lead you to where you want it to be. Keep me posted. Good luck.

 Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Please help me. I am doing something that you might think is wrong and a part of me does too but it just happened. I am sleeping with one of my friend's boyfriend on the side. I did not want to but it just happened and now I feel bad. To make things worse, I think I might be pregnant. I dont want to be with him or have his baby and I dont want to lose my friend.I read your blog alot and seen you help people with worse situations. Can you please help me. Thank you. *Anonymous*
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous",
The term "friend" has been disrespected by your blatant disrespect. The very same term has been disrespected by your unwillingness to value such a term by opening your legs easily to one of the few off limits people in a friendship. So in your mention of worst situations, thats not for me to say but as you try to convicne yourself of this, know that you are wrong in every form here. Now your friends boyfriend is a piece of trash as well but he did not ask me for my words so i wont say much on him. We could safely transer what I say to you to him. You need to test for pregnancy and decide your next steps in that world. If you should be pregnant, you and him are going to have to finally act mature and come to decisions. As fo your friendship, you do not deserve it but that can be decided by your friend as I hope you allow maturity toassist in you coming clean. Your friend deserves an honest friend and an honest relationship with a man who is more than just a male. You have to walk her through it in your eyes. This rarely eases the blow but can make the possibilty of a continued friendship exist. The "it just happened" line is loaded with bull and should not be used here. You have to be honest and stop looking to be the victim, you are not. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am sleeping with my sisters best friend. My sister would hate me for it but we are in love and we are tired of hiding it. It has been 17 months and its annoying because when we all hang out (which is rare as a group), my sister talks about other guys and my girl feels like she has to entertain this and I am not comfortable. Should we just tell her? This is too much. Thanks for the advice beforehand. *Anonymous Male*
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonynous Male",
I have this feeling that by this point, your sister may feel a slight form of betrayal from one o both of you and that may not be avoidable. You have to be able to remain honest and stong. Tell your sister how it begun and its emotional evolution. Tell her how important she is to you both and how it matters how she feels. She doesnt want to feel removed or as if she isnt the best friend to her and the sister to you. In past experiences I have heard from, the sister can feel detached or like a third fiddle, as if she no longer holds the exact role of importance and you want to make sure she doesnt. Dont be afraid to tell her however, be very aware of her feelings. As for your discomfort when your sister has girl talk with your girl, well thats your fault fo hiding this for so long. So park your "Im annoyed" cry and focus on delivering the message of importance. Good luck and keep me posted.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a woman who has to deal with alot. I have a three year old son and his father is serving in the military. He is a marine. I respect what hes doing but I am lonely without him. This skyping and letters and occasional contact is not fo me but I dont want to come across as insensitive. I find myself needing sex and I feel like he made a decision to be a marine so I shouldnt have to suffer. There are plenty og guys that hit on me in neighborhood who would keep it a secret and I'm thinking about it. Please help me with this decision. Im throbbing. Thank you far in advance. "Ms. in Need"
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Ms. In Need",
I understand that you feel he made some decision that left you alone but you must see the greater good of the decision he made and how there can be so much positivity from this investment of time. You feel lonely and horny and maybe you feel the only way to relieve that is to cheat on the man who risks his life to what Im sure he believes is keeping you and his three year old son safe, but the reality is you can learn to service and try to remember his sacrifice nd risk of his life to make the world of his girlfriend and son a better one. Cheating never has a valid excuse, it isnt the situation that makes you cheat, its who you are and the situation is a pathetic excuse. Weigh the relationship and how much it means to you and communicate that. Focus on greater of the relationship. To even entertain the though of sleeping with locl men (who will NOT keep it a secret) is disgusting. He deserves much more respect than that for his sacrifices and you should remember that a selfish decision can alter the life of your son and his father in you world. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My wife has some behavior that is leading me to believe she is cheating on me with her boss. First thing is that lately he has been purchasing gifts fo her. Some shipped by mail and some she comes home with. He is a married man and I dont understand why he is so invested in my wife. My wife has spent less time at home, saying she is focusing on work but she isnt making more money and she is spending more. I went on her computer and saw posted on her memory aticles pertaining to "Sleeping with my boss". This is very disturbing. She has sent him late night texts and locks the bedroom door when she is on the phone. She has puchased sexy underwear that I have yet to see her wear. Our sex is rushed and she doesnt show any interest. I know im being played and I have done all I can. Help. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Cheating appears to be the clear action and although I do not believe in assumptions, this one seems like the clear answer. I think you should confront the situation and clearly communicate you concerns and your unwillingness to have this happen. The problem is that the chances of her stopping is slim to none. People who sleep with their bosses (most of the time) do not determine the end of the sexual relationship, the boss does and as long as he has the power of being the boss, this will remain a problem. I think you may have to actually consider another plan of life that may have you both seperating and divorcing. The endless gifts from the boss and the bold disrespect to ship them to your home shows his lack and her lack of respect for you. As long as you accept this, there is no reason for it to end. If the home is in you name, you should consider legal action to have her removed from it. Take this opportunity to think about whats best for you and make decisions pulled away from emoton. I usually opt for reconcilliation and some form of mutual meeting that leads to a civil break or working things out. However, in my experience, when the level of disrespect is this high, it rarely can be reconstructed to a mutual respectful level. I am sorry that you have to face this type of behavior but you have to come to terms with yourself and after you diverse a plan to eithe make this work or make the break, you can sit her down and lay you cards on the table. You come first. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am dating a guy for about 6 weeks and lately he has not been in contact as he was the previous few weeks. Is this his way of telling me indirectly that he is losing interest? Should I pursue or should I let this fizzle out? Your opinion is valued. Thank you. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Im not one to make time the reason for stages in a relationship because I believe in individuality, however, one can make a few things of this. One is that in only 6 weeks, it is hard to make that assumption with certainty. His schedule may not be as free as it was in the very beginning or he may be thinking as you are and is slowly shying away because of the same reason you are almost willing to shy away. In a relationship that is to be successful it takes both parites to pursue. This is not high school where one wits a time period for the guy to call or whatever childishness is out there. You have to establish contact for clarity. Ask him about his honest opinion about where the direction of the relationship should or is going. Let his answer determine the position of the relationship. If he is uncertain then you have to be certain. If he wishes to go further then you have to sure where you stand. Communication will set you free. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man...
i want to breakup with my lover, cuz he dont understand me, and we fight for no reason.. is it right to leave him ? he isnt ready for it..wat am i to do ? I cant continue.. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
A situation like yous depends on the level of extremity in the lack of communication. There are times when people assume others should understand them because they share a relationship but how clear you think youre coming across and how he is receiving you can be two different things. Im not pointing blame here as there are many options to whats wrong but one thing is for sure, before you abandon ship, if you tuly want this to wok then you will have to be the communicator that epresses exactly how you feel. You have to be able to allow him to receive your message, ask for clarity and give him a mature moment to respond. If you dont want it to work then do not drag him any further into a relationship that you ae not involved in. Good luck and keep me posted.

Sunday, July 24, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am a girl in her late 20s in a long distance relationship for almost a year. I moved to London about a year back to study and my Boyfriend of 5.5 years is still back home. I love him and we have been pretty serious about each other and plan take things to the next level (marriage) eventually. We have always been very sexually active and both of us have a pretty good sex drive. I had planned to go back home in April and see him but I couldn't for various unavoidable reasons. We regularly have cybersex and we talk a lot over phone too. And like every other couple we have fights and disagreements but nothing serious. Overall I am pretty happy with my relationship.
Around 2 months back I met this married man at a club. We were both drunk and so things got a little hot. We didn't kiss or anything but he nibbled on my neck and ear for a few minutes and I enjoyed it, until I came back to senses and pulled away. A month later I bumped into him again (which was totally bizarre) and he apologized for his previous behavior and we danced, this time pretty decently. But ever since that night I couldn't take him off my mind. I started (sexually) fantasizing about him. One day I gave in to my urges and added him on a social networking site. He and I have been chatting and flirting casually (within boundaries) as friends for a month. Recently, we both got really busy and didn't chat for 3 weeks and I was quite happy that the fascination and infatuation had finally died. But yesterday, something weird happened. We started chatting and one thing led to another and before we knew it, a stupid Truth-only game had turned into cybersex. We both were totally aroused and masturbated. He told me how he'd imagined me before and wanted to kiss me. He mentioned that he would like to have sex with me too but he would only dance, kiss and go down on me if I went out with him because those are the only things possible in a club. He says that since I have a boyfriend and he has a wife, there's no way we'd go any further than that. So that way it would be a no-strings-attached 'fun' thing. Apart from the 2 meetings we had, we've never met and haven't planned to meet again yet. We don't even have each other's phone number. None of us actually plan to leave our partners. My boyfriend knows everything except this yesterday's incident. He's been very understanding and patient about my sexual desires. The man's wife doesn't know that I exist.
My problem is that even though I know it would be morally wrong and unfair towards our partners, I am feeling so sexually-deprived that I am actually considering this 'fun' thing. I want to give into this temptation at least once. This married man is everything I want physically right now. I am not at all emotionally attached to this man and do not intend to wreck his home. This man doesn't feel guilty about deceiving his wife so it is up to me to decide whether I want to have a clandestine arrangement with him. Do you think this could work? Have you come across cases where a no-strings-attached arrangement helped people satisfy their sexual needs? What should I do? I somehow haven't been attracted to any single men who approached me in the past year. It's only this man I am so terribly attracted to. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Could this work? Works meaning have meaningless sex with someone you don’t know who is married and although you are involved, totally disregarding your boyfriend’s feelings to get sexed by some guy you met at a club? Oh, yes, that “can” work but that doesn’t mean it will. Let’s take a mature look at everything here before we walk into a situation one regrets later on. First thing, you have two innocent victims here, one being the wife, whom neither of you can guarantee will never find out about this selfish act nor you can’t guarantee she won’t be hurt. Same goes for your boyfriend, can you guarantee he will never find out? Maybe, he never finds out but this actions is rarely if ever just a onetime thing. There will always be some lame excuse for sex elsewhere as long as one keeps convincing self it’s a valid reason. Getting through it the first time is the hardest but it can become thrilling to the point that one loses the real value of a strong, loyal and loving relationship. You attempt to sex some guy you barely know removes the label loyal from your end of the relationship. People will always find someone they will be attracted to other than the person they are with but acting on it is where lines are crossed. I think you should not engage in such an act but if you choose to do so and then you will have to carefully plan this and remove all contact with this man afterwards. Delete/block him from all social media and make it clear that he is to never contact you again. Then test yourself before you engage in sexual acts with your boyfriend. Good luck with your decision. Keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been married for 10 years and have one beautiful daughter whom I adore, but my wife stopped loving me more than 7 years ago and has been romantically involved with other men for the last four years. You are probably wondering why I have accepted these affairs but I have so for the sake of my daughter's happiness and because my wife and I, despite the lack of physical affection, still enjoy stable friendship. Here’s the thing, I have met another woman. The closeness of this new friendship has only confirmed the distance that is of my marriage. My emotional life is suddenly resurging and I would welcome some advice on how I should deal with the situation. My new friend finds herself, like me, in a marriage that has failed. Although our situation is not, at least yet, sexual, we both are very close from being so. I enjoy spending time with this woman and I can’t stop thinking about her. “Trapped but found freedom”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Trapped but found freedom”,
One of the problems I have is always the one that says “I’m doing this for my child”. Ultimately one must be happy to be a better person for their child. It seems that you and your wife can have a very civil conversation about what is a good arrangement for your daughter and both of you in divorce. You child would have liked to grow up knowing both her parents are happy with life. If you are only with your wife to keep your daughter happy, I understand and am here to say, you don’t have to play husband to be a great father. Nonetheless, you are in a situation that has riled up some emotion and I think that before you engage fully, be 100% sure that this new woman isn’t temporary as the hope of your once happy marriage returns to being so. If you have absolutely zero doubts that the marriage with your wife is over other than parenting, then you need to make sure when taking the next step with this new woman that she is fully aware of your situation and you are completely honest with everyone.
My concern is that you asking me for advice on what you should do are telling me that you aren’t 100% sure you are done with your wife. Think of everyone involved and their feelings think of what you really want. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you deserve to be happy and you need to invest in that. As long as you are clear with how you feel and honest with yourself and the others directly in the situation, then go with what makes you happier. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in an unhappy marriage and am dating outside of my marriage. My boyfriend is also in an unhappy marriage and we have been friends for about three years prior to our dating. The problem is that we both are bothered by the situation of returning home and having to be sexual with our married partners. What can we do to ease these feelings? Thank you in advance. “Unhappily Married”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Unhappily Married”,
Aren’t we the selfish type? I understand when sex and emotions are involved that sometimes a moment of irrationalities can occur. However, let’s be honest with ourselves here, you are cheating, the other man is cheating and instead of being honest and mature about the situation, you are concerned with him sleeping with his wife? He is concerned with you sleeping with your husband? Two disloyal cheaters and two unwilling victims and you have the audacity to be concerned about married people sleeping together? Let me tell you that there is a strain in living a secret life and it can cause more stress than joy. If you aren’t ready to move on from your husband and him from his wife, then you should consider the heartache that will be cause if this secret is uncovered. I see your determination to have this affair outside of your marriage and being that you will continue to do so, understand that at the end of it, this could have possibly brought you more harm than pleasure. As for you easing the worry and feelings in relation to you guys sleeping with your married partners, well that doesn’t come easy. The fact is, you guys are not in a committed relationship to either of your partners and must draw lines of concern where it deems fit. If you aren’t exclusive then accept the fact that he is on a nightly basis having passionate sex, doing the things he does with you, with her. Not a good feeling huh? Neither is it to know your wife is cheating on you, especially with her friend that I’m sure he trusts you with. Make the mature decision. Good luck.

Saturday, June 25, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been married for 4yrs been with my husband for a total of 10yrs, we have a son that is 4yrs old. We got married when I was 7mths pregnant; it was the right thing to do. I knew that this man wasn't my soul mate, but he was/is very good father and a very good man. Starting two years ago I got very close with a man from work, which is also married. He pursed me till he finally got what he wanted, between all that times we fell in love, he left his wife twice and I finally gave in and asked my husband to move out. We have such a great connection and we are alike in so many ways. Things got a little crazy when his wife found out. She threaten him with his son, so after my husband moved out we kept on being with each other, until eventually his family found out about us, made him feel guilty about breaking up my family. To make a long story short, he went back to his wife, my husband never found out; I was very much depressed after his decision that I ended up 3 months after he left me to move in with my husband. It’s very complicated because we still work together, and we have tried to stay away from each other but didn't work. He still wants to be friends we haven't done anything sexual in 5months but just kiss and stuff at work. How do I separate myself from him? How do I let go? “Lost”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lost”,
Before I get into the heart of your question, I am under the impression that you felt getting married because you were pregnant was the right thing to do and it is not. Marriage and pregnancy are not related. The union of marriage is between two people that parenting doesn’t share. Knowing he wasn’t your soul mate and still getting married was a clear sign that someone (you most likely) would stray elsewhere, risking breaking the heart of innocent people (your husband/his wife). To add in that the type of man that pursues another married woman while being married doesn’t really say soul mate to me, but, I have heard of weirder things.
With that being said, I will address your question… Letting go is not always easy for many and an emotional affair is not a simple case of “goodbye, I’m over it” as some people believe that we maintain problems because they give us identity. You can start by identifying with what that relationship has given you, one being alone and depressed. He will not choose you over his family and his actions made that clear. Just because friendship sounds cute, doesn’t make it necessary. Would a friendship with him benefit you in any degree? Probably not and that’s what you should focus on when your mind swivels doubt in your head. You should learn to un-romanticize the way you view him and realize you are worth more. The fact is that someone out there (possibly your legal husband) will be the one you were meant to settle with. Take whatever good you can and walk forward and look at the heartbreaking & depressing points as tools of education on how to not accept or engage in future situations. You may have to be forward in communication and express that it is best that you both do not engage any matters that are not professional and not alone. Always remember that letting go is love (for self) and hanging on is clingy attachment. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I met this guy and I know he has a reputation for dating quite a few women but something about our connection when we are in each other’s presence that felt so real. My friends warned me of him but I have to make my own decisions and I went to pursue him. He was such a gentleman until I gave up the goodies to him and all of a sudden he started to act somewhat distant. Could he be looking somewhere else or is it something I did? I really am into him but he isn’t letting me get the chance to really know him and him to know me and see that I am a great woman. What should I do? Thank you Mr. Lover Man, “Hopeful”.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Hopeful”,
First thing I want to say is that you clearly got exactly what you asked for. Now I am not saying bad should happen to anyone, what I am saying here is that you knew what type of person he was, you did not give yourself any time to learn who he was other than him bedding many women and now you got confirmation on that part. You have to learn people before you invite them between your legs. As for if this is him looking elsewhere or something you did, I’ll say both is a strong possibility of co-existing as reasons. You gave him nothing to remain for as you gave up the sex as a short term goal way too quick. He doesn’t know you enough to remain interested in learning you because the initial physical attraction was conquered. You have to offer more to keep a man around. It is his fault because he is not ready for one woman. He continues to go on these sexual conquests and women like yourself or even the unsuspecting ones sadly fall into his clutch. I don’t see how you are really into him when you really do not even know him. You need to stop misleading yourself. There is absolutely no reason to try and pursue this issue long enough and you need to learn from this and move forward. Good luck and please move forward.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What makes a man realize he has a good woman and changes his ways? This man I have been seeing for a while was separated from his wife. He told me they were going through a rocky situation and he needed to focus on him. We ended up seeing each other as I noticed he was not giving his wife time, I felt this was a way for me to step it up and give him the care he needs. Things were going good and all of a sudden he decides that he is going to try to make it work with his wife. Where does that leave me? Why doesn’t he see that I am a good woman and would not do him wrong? Answer this please. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
There are things here you do not seem to get. Please have a seat. You question the man’s ability to see whether he has a good woman or not but what if he has and that’s why he is working it out with his wife. I’m not questioning whether you are a good woman or not but just saying you are not the only one. You entered a situation with the most common line that some males use when they are either cheating on their wives or whether they are separated but only wish to return to their wives. Going “through a rocky situation and needed to focus on him” had nothing to do with plans of you. You slowly misled yourself (without communication) into this situation assuming there was more. You needed to be a better communicator and in reality, you needed to avoid this situation until he was sure where he stood. Nonetheless, this is a learning experience for you and I hope that if you are faced with this situation ever again, you can look back and run. He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him. Good luck.

Friday, June 3, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Here it is, my girlfriend is always upset when I’m on Facebook. She doesn’t see me doing anything wrong but is always upset assuming someone wants me. How can I get her to see that I am just connecting with old friends I haven’t seen in years and that it is not what she thinks? P.S. I do not get upset when she is online at all. Thanks from: A guy punching keys.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “A guy punching keys”,
There are some things to consider here, one being the amount of time taken from your relationship being spent on social media. This is something that may cause trouble and is increasingly an issue in today’s relationships. Now what you and your girlfriend determine too much and enough time is something you both should come to terms with. If you are neglecting your girlfriend for social media then you need to re-evaluate that. However, she may be the jealous, insecure type and there are ways to show her that her suspicions are completely wrong. Have you or are you planning to meet any of these old friends? If so, you should plan a bigger gathering for a few of these long lost friends and ask that they bring their partners for a semi night out/reunion type of thing and you bring your girlfriend. This can and usually does ease a lot when not only they see the woman you chose but your woman sees that they have chosen elsewhere as well.
This is not a fool proof remedy but it has worked before. You have to communicate to your girlfriend in an honest and effective manner her position in your world and the position these friends are in. It is nice to re-connect and we all know friendships are important. There should be a compromise on that but you must in all of your best efforts try to understand how your girlfriend feels and she should be considerate to your feelings as well. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My boyfriend and I clearly both have trust issues because of our past. We both admitted that we've been cheated on and have very hurtful ex relationships but we're committed to each other, until I made a small mistake. A hiccup I want to call it. My ex boyfriend requested me on Facebook. Stupid me, I accepted it on a whim but took all but 5 minutes to realize what I did wasn't right. I unfriended him right away. But in that 5 minutes, it popped up on my boyfriends news feed just as he was browsing the site during his lunch break. He mentioned it to me the weekend it happened and we spoke of it briefly. 2 weeks later, a night together felt distant with him and when we started to talk about it, he mentioned that the incident has been on his mind ever since. Basically, he told me he trusted me before, but now that this happened, he said we should slow down and take it day by day. I told him I would never go back to my ex or communicate with him because I am very happy with my current boyfriend. I got so emotional to a point where I opened up a lot, cried then continued to tell him that not only was I cheated on, my ex got another woman pregnant and he used me for money and car rides. My boyfriend became emotional as well and cried. 3 days later, I feel distant from him but I'm told by friends I need to give him space. I'm scared to lose him and I'm scared it will be because of something as small as Facebook. I'm going through millions of thoughts and I'm just so confused. Give him space or keep telling him how much I care about him? Help! Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This situation is not a complete disaster. There has to be steps taken, things will not solve itself overnight and you have to be an effective communicator. I don’t think space is required unless it is something he is adamant about. It is important that you express how you feel without constantly running your story about your ex to the ground. Men really don’t want to hear that when you guys are going through things. Sometimes women think by bad mouthing or talking up the bad things of the ex, that it will somehow ease the situation but it doesn’t. Men view it as you not being able to let go. This situation is not usually a deal breaker and if you guys are really involved, I believe you can work through this. Be honest and determined to expressed your feelings for your man as opposed to your disdain for your ex, it isn’t related and shouldn’t be brought up together.
He has insecurities and trust issues and no matter what he said about him trusting you, it isn’t met by action. You guys need to really talk about where you stand and how badly this has dented his perception. The world of social media at times can be intrusive if allowed and can be harmless in the same light. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My man always have bitch fits like he gets mad over petty shit and it’s like he can do stuff and I can't like. Check this out, on twitter an individual had this thing on there about big girl appreciation day and that he would retweet (re-post) the best looking girl so I told my boyfriend about it and told him I submitted and the individual retweeted (re-posted) my picture and he just got upset and said “see that's what I'm talking about” and then there was silence the whole night and the next day which is today still haven't talked to him. What should I do? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
There seems to be a big wave in effects as to how upset people are getting due to the injecting of social media activities in one’s life. There was a time when it was all fun and games and now there seems to be a huge seriousness to it. I think that what has happened with social media in general is that it has become a large medium for advertising, dating and so forth. So much that every year people are leaning more and more too online dating and there are more commercials on the internet than your very own television. With that being said, there is a subconscious seriousness to social media and even though so many people say things like “It’s just Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, etc” that isn’t really an overall vote. In your situation there needs to be a sit down and both sides need to express communication as to the level of importance in your actions. Many men do not find comfort in his woman voluntarily submitting photos to some random individual you do not have a personal friendly relationship with. Many times it is perceived as reaching for attention or offering of self. Now, I’m not saying that is the matter here but it is how many men perceive it. Many times individuals who pose these social media “acts” are just looking for means to exploit women on social media and either makes fun of or brag about the pictures they collect. Rarely is it to give props or show a high level of respect to the woman submitting the photo and these are the thoughts that some men allow to be injected into their minds and it gives them that attitude you complained about.
Now this may not be a big deal to you but in a relationship it isn’t only about you, it’s about you both and you need to hear him out and find out exactly what it is that’s going on in his head. Effective communication is always key and when at times people do get into those fits of silence, timing is very relevant. You can always ask to discuss his and your feelings but even if both of your positions are completely different with perception on social media, you have to both respect each other. Good luck, let me know what happens.


Sunday, May 22, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been with this guy for 3 months and things have already changed. At first he was into me, chasing me and once we became intimate, he hasn’t shown the same interest. Is it something I did wrong? Is my performance something I should be concerned with or is he cheating?
Please give me something I can work with. Thank you “Myra”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Myra”,
This sudden change may have actually been a gradual change you chose to subconsciously ignore. Often it is gradual, and even in situations when it is “all of a sudden”, the reasons are not clear at first. What is missing here is any indication that there was an attempt to communicate and walk through the relationship. There will be no answers without communication. Instead of speculating and trying to mislead self into putting pieces together that may not fit, you must address him and honestly impress upon him your position. It is imperative that he knows how you feel in a mature manner.
Nonetheless, the problem appears to have to do with the lust stage. He kicked in with lust leading as he chased the prize until he achieved his goal. Men are visual creatures and often walk forward with their eyes leading and that may have been what made him chase you, however, you must give him something worth more than what his eyes see, and that is YOU. If this is going to work, you both are going to have to sit down and make it clear what both of your positions are in this relationship and express how the neglect and sudden change is making you feel. He may be going through something he is uncomfortable talking about. Never make assumptions without communication. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How genuine are compliments men make? It seems that as time continues, they stop complimenting. Is it that it was game or are they not caring enough? This is why women cheat. There will be another man who will compliment women with no problem. What causes these changes?
Thank you. “It is what it is”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “It is what it is”,
Every situation should be looked at as an individual situation. I don’t know how genuine your man or men you dealt with are as I do not know them personally but I’ll say something that should shed some light. Men stop complimenting because they have either been conditioned to do so by being with women that did not address this and/or because of the idiotic belief that it is not important as it once was because you are together, so that should say something.
Life happens as relationships evolve; it is great to set a tone by giving compliments as well and or asking for his opinion to how certain things look on you. Communicate with him and ask him about the disintegrating compliments that once were. Many times men do not intentionally decide to not compliment you, but they are known to fall into this way of being. It can change with communication. You can also make a game out of it. With every time he compliments you, show your appreciation, sot of like a treat. You can whisper something sexual in his ear in appreciation or you can express how much it means to you. This is not a lost cause and a great way to make it happen is to say something about it. As for this being a reason to cheat, that’s just plain stupid and idiotic. There is no valid reason to cheat, if you feel the urge to unfaithfully open your legs, be an adult and leave the present situation. People who make excuses to cheat are really searching for reason to cheat because at some point, that’s who they are. For the record, if someone else complimenting you opens your legs, you have just expressed your self-value. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Sorry this is so long!!!! I am going through a missed miscarriage and right now if hell really is a place then that is where I am. My husband has left me for another woman but says it’s not just that reason, it’s because he feels we can't fix us & he had become unhappy but didn't say anything!!! Now I have miscarried our baby!
I'll start from the beginning..... I'm 28 & my husband is 29 (with a huge issue about being 30!! which I just don't get) But Xmas just gone my husband of 2 years and partner of 6 cheated on me with someone from his work, I worked with him many years ago, we got together about a yr after I left but I know of this other person and she has done this many times before and doesn't mind hurting others around her to get a man she wants!!!
When I found out which was by me guessing as he was acting differently, I forgave him as I could see we had drifted apart and he isn't one for talking about his feelings (what man is!) plus he has always been a bit insecure about how much I love him (another reason I love him!!)
He had made a very stupid drunken mistake and was so sad and truly sorry for it, plus they did stuff but didn't have sex at this time and still to this day I believe him. But even if they had I still would have forgiven him as it was a wakeup call to work at our marriage.
After this, things were back on track with us & we carried on planning our lives together, talking about the day we have kids! I had no concerns that we weren't getting stronger. But at the beginning of March he said he needed space and went back to his mum and dad’s, I tried really hard to give him this but panic set in and I would leave it a day or two and then one of us would text, normally him to me but once or twice I made the first move or I would reply pretty much straight away. Anyway when we would meet up to talk he kept saying he couldn't come back as he couldn't see us working and I would try so hard to convince him that we could if only he gave me the chance to show him but he just wouldn't give in!
I found this very bizarre as I know I've always been his world and something didn't add up. This went on for weeks like this and at the end of March we broke up, I couldn't accept it but had no choice, he would have let me think it was due to me being selfish and us drifting apart but I knew there was something else and then came the truth....
He'd been seeing this work colleague that he'd cheated on me at xmas with!!! I think in his head he believes his lie that the reason we didn't work was because we drifted and that’s how he kind of lives and does what he is doing as cheating has always been against his believes! He comes from a very strong Christian up-bringing. But he said he was convinced I didn't love him anymore!!!!
His now started to get feelings for this person, thinks he loves her (after 6 or 7 weeks) personally I believe this is lust and that’s all and because everyone is telling him to step away from the situation he won't. So it seems he jumped from married to me to with her and was not stopping!! What hurts the most is the fact that he isn't and hasn't ever been this kinda guy! 6 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, it wasn't how I had planned being pregnant in my head but if we hadn't of broken up it would have all been perfect, as it was also our 2 year wedding anniversary (what better present to give my husband, our first baby)
I was happy, I kept it to myself for the first 2 weeks, as it was all mine! Even though my heart was breaking, part of me still felt happy! I told my husband the news & he cried & said this was the last situation he wanted to be in, but it changed everything! Not quite how I'd imagined the response when I had planned this moment in my head a 1000 times, over the past 2 years.
I said me being pregnant made no difference to us, he had decided he didn't want to be with me and I would never stop him seeing or being there for our baby. I went away for a long weekend that we were due to go on together for our 2nd wedding anniversary but I went with my sister and when I returned I found out he had been away with this other person!! On our wedding anniversary!!! I'd asked him before not to spend it with her, but he did!!! He said he booked to go away before I'd said I was pregnant (but it was still our wedding anniversary!) it’s like he is doing as much damage as possible to push me away but then says he doesn't want me to hate him!!!
When I returned I saw him and we chatted and I felt a little strong and he said he wanted his wife back!!!!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he said that he loved me & didn't want to run anymore into this false life he had created and he sobbed for many hours about the bad thing he had done, he said he was in a bubble and felt safe and it wasn't a real life but he had convinced himself we couldn't get us back after what he did as he had broken us. But he saw how much I loved him and was willing to give it a go. He said he would do whatever it took. We spoke for hours and even laughed at how he had been so foolish and that we would get through this and he seemed strong and like the person I know and everyone else knows. He went home told his mum and dad and then saw this other woman and told her but I spoke to him that night on the phone and he sounded exhausted!!! I had my doubts he had told her!!

I was correct to think that and the next day he text asking to see me to Talk!!!! I thought, surely he can't change his mind!!! BUT yes he could, he came in and said I don’t think I can do this, we spoke for about 5 minutes, I was obviously angry and upset and he hates seeing me like that and feels like that is why he doesn’t want to talk to me when I’m like that.
I hammered him for about 2 minutes just saying why are you doing this, is it only because I’m pregnant and he seemed upset again, then I said this is because you don't think I should forgive you and that you hate yourself and think everyone else should hate you, I then pushed this and he said how can I forgive him for what his done, it’s so bad and then I said you feel your worthless and this goes back way before me and then he just sat there and cried. I looked him in the eyes and said tell me all what you said yesterday was untrue and that you don't love me.... he cried and said you know it was the truth and I said why, why are you doing this then and he just cried and seemed broken.
It broke my heart to see him so hurt, confused and broken. No one deserves that, not even him! I know your probably thinking I am some raving loon but I'm not and I’m not in some kind of denial either. I just care about him, his my best friend and has been for about 10 years but I know that was the person everyone knows. We spoke for many hours again and he seemed more convinced this time that he did want this and said he would leave his job and we sat there discussed things that we can do to make us happy.
That night he stayed till really late just holding me, kissing my head and saying how very sorry he was and was tearful. I know in my heart we can get through this and yes he has mucked up a few times but over 6 years his proven to me he is a good person, so I will hang on to that and not the mistakes his made over the last few months!!!
I said I really hoped he woke up the next morning and still wanted all this and he promised that he would (as sometimes I feel like he sleeps and changes over night!!) next day, he called in sick as he couldn't face work and was so tired. He saw his dad and told him how we were gonna make a go of it and this was what he wanted with a shadow of a doubt and he txt his mum, as she was away and said the same to her and asked for help as he couldn't do it on his own.
Then he saw this other woman again to tell her he was making a go of it with me, it broke my heart that he had told her I was pregnant as it wasn't for her to know and made me feel sick that another woman would say she was ok with me being pregnant but still wanted him!! But least she knew the full truth. I dunno what was said between them, he saw her for a few hours then came over to see me.....
By this point he now seemed distant again and like a stranger, it’s like there is 2 people! The man we all know which I would trust with my life and this other person who's had an affair that no-one recognizes anymore. He said he couldn't do it and felt he had feelings for her and was falling in love with her!!! I got upset as I could not believe what I was hearing; he was only saying all what he did as I was pregnant!! which even now, I do not believe as if that was the reason for him coming back he would of been talking about it but all he was talking about was happy memory’s we had and what we can do to get us back to being happy!!!! Never mentioned the baby just all the things we used to love doing and that we were going to do
I wasn't in denial but I do know him and said I don't believe him, I think he was scared that we won't get back to happiness and she had a hold on him but by now the wall he has built was back up!! Because we spoke till so late into the night, I stayed at our house with him, it wasn't ideal but I am so glad I did. I asked him to lay on the bed with me, he was very reluctant to do this but part of me hated him for doing this and another part of me loves him so much and wanted to hold him as he seemed so scared and confused!
I don't really think he knows what he wants and who he is anymore as he would never want to do what he has (his always been one of the good guys) I said my tummy hurt and he rubbed my back as I tried to sleep but I pulled his arm round to my tummy and said do you realize you have your wife carrying your child in your arms right now and then I fell asleep.
In the morning I was angry and he was distant again, as I couldn't deal with the fact he was carrying on seeing this other person and she was allowing him to, knowing all the facts... what kind of woman does that and says stay with me! I said to my husband that we will talk in a few weeks but I will keep him updated with all my appts for the baby so he can be there as that’s what he wanted and I would never take it away from him. I went to work and can only have been there and I went to work tired and upset.
I went to make a cup of tea and a pain went through my body like never before and was not stopping, I called my doctor who said go straight to A&E. When I got there they rushed me through and put me into a room on my own, a friend had called my husband at work and told him what had happened, he rushed to be with me but the hospital said he could come through later as they needed to see what was happening with me and the baby, but after 6 hours of waiting, scans and many blood tests they told me there was no heart beat and the baby had died! I can't even describe what I felt at that point, they said this does happen and explained to me all about how this happens.
I then had to tell my husband I had lost our baby, he was very sad and feels to blame, and I said the doctor said it wasn't down to him but it's a sad & cruel thing that happens in this world. I didn't really want to him and was pretty nasty to him, so I didn't explain to him what to expect with a missed miscarriage. I wanted him to stay with me through the night just for the next few nights as I'm scared and it hurts! But he said to me he can't, he said he can be there for me but only so much!!! And would be back the next day for my hospital appt!
He had told the other woman I'd lost our baby which made me so angry as I explained to him she would have been glad that we had lost our baby and that’s makes me sick! When he left me that night I called him and got upset and asked if he thought it was some kind of betrayal to her I he stayed and he said YES!!!! I then txt him saying if he ever cared or was a man he would have stayed even if he couldn't lie on a bed with the woman who was carrying his child then he would sleep downstairs as this out ways EVERYTHING! He txt me saying he wanted to be there but not through the night as I would cling to this!! I could tell this isn't him talking as it's not his words.
I saw him the next day and I just went on about how he could do this and I did go on quite a lot but I still working off my emotions of being hurt and betrayed again I guess and still having pregnant hormones! In the end he left and went to his parents to tell them the news that I miscarried our baby. I spoke to him that night and asked him NOT to go to this other woman’s house in honor to our baby but he did and it makes me feel proper sick that he would do that while leaving me to grieve. Then Friday I got a txt saying how am I, and sorry for being off with me on the phone, I replied saying I wasn't good and how was he but heard nothing back!
later that evening I txt and said is he not going to call or see me and he said he couldn't see me at the moment and sorry if i think that’s harsh!!!! I find it sick and harsh but I can only count all of this down to grieving or guilt or his having some kind of breakdown but I can't seem to pull him through this and while he destroys himself his taking me down with him and I can't step away as my heart won't let me!!! We move out of our house at the end of next week and then I have NO connection with him anymore and I don't know what to do!!
His mum told the night he went there he broke down and sobbed for hours and said how very sorry he was for what he has done and how he has hurt them, how he blames himself for what has happened, which I don’t want as it’s not. His mum said he was broken, he said he couldn’t convince me that we were over but his mum tried to explain he can't because he hasn't and still isn't dealing with his marriage but is carrying on.
Now I have told you everything and you have probably nodded off or feel you have lost the will to even reply but please Mr. Lover Man give me some advice other than... walk away as I deserve better, he has to make his mind up, he has always been a little insecure and questioned that his a somebody in this life but I feel he doesn't realize we make ourselves a somebody, no one else does that for us!! It’s not just that when you get with someone they make you feel untouchable and amazing; we can all do that on our own!
Imagine your closest best friend in the world who is not nasty in any way but all of a sudden just changes but you know this isn't who they are.... what can I do??? I can't give up on him or my marriage as I love him too much and something is telling me to stick this out!!!
I look forward to hearing from you “The girl who believes in Love”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “The girl who believes in Love”,
My answer will not match the length of your situation but I hope it delivers some well needed truth. I am very sorry for your lost and wish you a healthy future and hoping you recover well. Sadly, you have misled yourself much more so than he has. Through your entire email, you have continuously expressed what you felt he thought or you think he is like or how he really isn’t any of the things he continuously shows that he is. I wish I can offer up a magic elixir to make this the way you want but the reality is that I can’t. At this point (maybe not originally) you are as much to blame for your new heartache as he is.
He continues to sleep around and professes on more than one occasion his falling in love with another woman, which in a very insecure fashion, you immediately inject that you know its lust and not love. This said to comfort yourself and hold on to someone that does not want to be held on by you. You have continued to mislead yourself and it is not healthy for you. You do not wish to move on, you may think you do not know how to but everyone can move on. You don’t want to.
It takes two people to make a marriage work and you can’t fight for someone that does not wish to be fought for. He has chosen where he wants to be. People change as life happens and you wishing him to be exactly as he was or the situation was years ago will not happen. You have to come to terms with present day events and understand that he is not the happy go lucky nice guy you want him to always be. He has slept around and even given his heart to another. He has repeatedly gone back and forth and when you needed him most, he couldn’t give his all. He even expressed he couldn’t and yet, you mislead yourself to believe in something that isn’t and you need to let this one go.
You should consider seeking professional help as this has taken a toll on you and it will help in your transition in life. I can’t give you the response you want but only what I feel is the response you need. You have lost too much and this has taken a toll on you. This is the time to put yourself first and step forward for you. He cannot do that with you because he has chosen not to, you need to stand up and step forward without turning around. I wish you the best; please consider reaching out to a professional that can help with the transition. Good luck and please keep me posted.