Saturday, February 27, 2010


Help me Mr. Lover Man ,

I was dating this guy for about 2 years, one of those years he was with his ex but he was unhappy, he got me pregnant in that first year but we grew closer and eventually got together and he left her. Now we have a 6 month old daughter and all of a sudden he wants to go back to his ex and I’m not happy because I’m not letting him bring her around my daughter at all. He tells me if I don’t let him have his daughter when he wants her he ain’t gonna help out with the money I need for her. I don’t want to go through child support because he said that he wont give no more money or help other than child support if I file. I am struggling and really don’t know what to do. I want to know why he left me to go back to her if he wasn’t happy. I don’t want that bitch (excuse my language) near my child and even though he said she wont be, I don’t believe him cause they living together again. I feel like he still was with her the whole time we was together cause how could he just want to go back like that? Help me please.
Thanks, Confused and Alone

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused and Alone,
This is a classic case of the “side piece” thinking she got a promotion until reality hit. Entering this situation, you were the other woman, the side piece, the runner up, the less respected, the sexually experimented, the option not the priority, the back up singer, the existent when it was time to be used (doesn’t sit well? Good, that is what harsh reality does). In your own world you led yourself (with his lying help) to believe that paradise awaited the moment he left her for you. You went for this ever so popular lame story and although a part of me wants to feel sorry for you, but, you did put yourself in a relationship with a man in a relationship. You have to accept that this is a fault of your own. With that being said, lets address your questions, I want to start off by saying that you NEED to file for child support to ensure the fact that your daughter has a second financial support system, as she should. This is not about you whatsoever, this is about the life you both made in the course of him cheating on his girlfriend with you. As for you not wanting her around your daughter, I would be able to appreciate this sentiment if I believed that this was in protection of your daughter more so than the jealousy of her having him. He needs to be in his daughter’s life. Your unwillingness to do so because of your insecurity of her being next to your daughter is juvenile at best. One day you will move on and you may have a situation where a man will be a part of your daughter’s life, should your daughter’s father ban that forever? This is a game that should not exist. His willingness to be there for his daughter should be honored because you are not the only maker and parent. Now he isn’t no saint here, that idiot cheated, lied and now is trying to use his manipulation to have his daughter as see fit to himself. You both need to either sit down as adults and work out time for your daughters needs, or settle this in family court. Either way it has to be done with your daughter’s best interest at heart and not about the lies you both lived. As for him going back to her, well what did you expect? You were the shoulder to lean on, the side piece, and very rarely and I mean very rarely does that amount to more than what it was during the time you were the side piece. You deserve to be someone number one but you need to know your value first. You need to love yourself more than your situation. Take time to focus on yourself within and your daughter. Do not seek out for him other than your daughter’s father because he will never be more to you. Good luck and please let me know how this plays out. I wish you the best.

Mr. Lover Man, Mr. Lover Man,

My husband of 20 years and who is 45 years old left me a year ago for a woman half our age (I am 44 years old). I am suffering inside and our daughter and my friends say I should just go out and move on. I don’t know how. How do I throw 20 years away just like he did? I am a very good looking woman for my age or any age at if I must say. I am a fitness instructor and nutritionist and I have spent my life in good health and here I am with a torn heart and no way of healing it. It bothers me that he left me for what I believe to be a trophy, he is a very good looking man and I can see why she would want my husband but he threw away 20 yrs of marriage and I have this feeling like I’m frozen in hurt and the world is moving forward without me. Is it too soon for me to get over it and are my friends and 18 year old daughter being irrational to think I should go out so soon? Thank you in advance to your insight. Sincerely, Lost in Transition

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lost in Transition,
This is a heartbreaking situation but not a life ending one. There could be many reasons why an idiot, I mean a person leaves their situation. I don’t know if any fit this here but men have left for younger women to try and defy the feeling of age and to relive youth they are afraid they lost or are losing. Maybe there was a sense of unhappiness not communicated, maybe he grew apart and you didn’t realize it. None of these soften the blow of departure after 20 years but maybe can shed a little bit of light. I can understand how painful this is for you and I do want to say that although your friends and daughter’s advice is in your best interest, you have to find healing within. You may need a professionals assistance in order to ease this transition. There comes a point where his reasons for leaving may make you think it helps but doesn’t. You need to focus on more of you and less of him, you need to find a way to realize the gift you are. I do not expect you to get over anything in a certain time period but be willing to want to get over it. Do not sulk in sorrow purposely. Your 20 years of marriage and your young age of 44 are not symbols of failure but symbols of the opposite. You must keep the good memories and remember that the best thing about memories is making new ones. Life awaits you when you are ready to grab it by the horns. Flaunt your stuff, wear your intellect, embrace your value, stand tall and never give up on love. You are still in a position to wear happiness on a daily basis. You are not expected to give up your memories but should be willing to make new ones. The story of your life has not ended, a new chapter has begun. This may be the chapter of surprise and new additions that you need to spice up life. Do not walk with gloom, walk knowing how wonderful you are. I wish you the best, please keep me posted on how life treats you.

I saw your face book posting about not spending child support money on yourself. I don’t see why not? Let me tell you that it is hard to raise kids (I have 3 and my 3 deadbeat baby fathers child support don’t cut it) so when I feel the need to treat myself for my hard work to raise my kids (7, 5,and 2) I do so. It isn’t like their fathers are going to treat me. I need a moment to myself and if I need the money to get a night out, its not like me using that money is gonna make my kids starve. They are fed, clothed and clean all the time. You are a man so you do not know what its like to have to go through what I go through raising three kids when their fathers do not help at all other than their child support. I need someone to who is going to be there to get them dressed in the morning, help make them dinner, take them to school, be the male role model they need. Child support does not do that, so if I choose to use the extra money for myself then its all good because I make sure they are well fed. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
How is this even real? Did you not read what you wrote before you sent it? Do you not understand the concept of “child” support? Let me start off saying that the purpose for child support is solely support for your child. Not for you to treat yourself for doing what you are supposed to do. You say its hard raising three kids, well that I’m sure it is, but was it so hard to put on a condom those three times? You made decisions you must stick out. You have mothered three kids with three men who refuse to be anything more than a paycheck for your kids and I despise men like that. That’s a disgusting act, just as it is to spend your children’s money as some form of reward for doing what you are supposed to do as a parent. The reward for parenting is parenting. Parenting is a gift, a beauty, a true loving part of life. The reward for working hard for your kids is having great children, not spending their money to treat yourself. Your kids do NOT owe you anything for being a mother. You state how well your kids are off but let me tell you, the “extra” money that is theirs should be banked and saved for college or a rainy day for them. I hope that the usage of their “extra” money for you does not bite you in the ass one day. You also made the claim of wanting a man to help take your kids to school, cook and etc., well you need to find out why it is you attract the type of man you do. Three kids from three deadbeats all in the same age range (7,5 and 2) is a concern. You should see a professional early on and this could prevent any affect it may have on the children. Your gender based comment about me being a man and not understanding would normally fall on deaf ears as it is not only childish but beyond absurd but I will say that I do understand because as a parent, as a professional, as a man and humanitarian of people, it isn’t about gender in your case, its about decisions one makes. You need to own up to those decisions in order to make better decisions and be able to prosper in life. I wish you the best.

To Mr. Lover Man,
I have a problem but before I put it out there I don’t want you to think I am a player because I am not. I really like these two girls I’m dealing with and I really am having a hard time choosing one over the other. One of them is dating another guy and that bothers me but I don’t say nothing because so am I. I’m trying to be fair about that. The other girl does not know but the one dating does. I don’t know who to choose, they both are knock outs and both in college, both have good jobs and both make me happy. The thing is one makes me happy for different reasons than the other and I feel like if they were put together then I would have the perfect girl for me. I just don’t want to hurt any of them and I know if I don’t choose, this is going to turn out bad for me. How do I go about this? Thanks, Threes a crowd.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Threes a crowd,
This is a situation that is sensitive and must be dealt with honesty. Sadly, if the women whom are involved are into you as you claim to be into them, this will lead to someone being hurt. It isn’t fair to the one that isn’t aware that this is happening, especially if you are misleading her to believe other wise. People want at some point in their lives to be exclusive, to be the one and only and I don’t know the women’s intention but I do know you claim that one is dating another. Is she ready to give that up for you? Is she ready to make a choice? You seem to be under the impression that you choosing solves all issues and it doesn’t. What would the other one choose if she knew the situation you placed her in? The risk of std exposure as you are dating another who is dating another. Do you think about other than yourself? If you believe these women value you and these women are of value to you, then you need to come clean. You stated that you are trying to be fair about this and yet you haven’t indicated how you are doing so because I do not see that, nonetheless, there are other parties involved, sit and communicate with them individually. Find out their position, come clean, assert yourself and you reasoning, be sincere and honest. Wish you luck, and please keep me posted.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Have you addressed the cougar issue yet? (I'm 40 in. My boyfriend is 25, 26 in May) It was just a fling (booty call, whatever) from April 09 - Nov 09, then in December, things started to change....
I'm divorced. I tried to discourage this dude, (we broke it off several times in between) I didn't want a fling but he was irresistible and amazing in bed. I'm sooooo attracted to him, but I don't want to steal his youth. I don't want anymore kids (I have 3) I don't want to get married again, at least that's how I feel right now. But he kept coming back......
I'm so insecure about my body. I didn't snap back after the kids and gained weight. My belly is a monstrosity (I'm not exaggerating) He says I'm worrying about the wrong things...but he has the perfect body and youth on his side...
I'm trying to just relax, go with the flow and enjoy my life, with him. But I'm an Aquarian and I love hard. My feelings are INTENSE...
Btw, did I say that he's now living with me?
I don't really have a question, other than why a young guy would want to be with an older woman, body not so banging, 3 kids etc rather than be with a girl his own age, perfect body, etc.... (ok, so it was a question, lol)
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I want to applaud your younger man for his words to you of encouragement and of empowerment. Now as for the “cougar” issue which I must say I do not consider you one but for arguments sake that’s what we will go with.
Sometimes there are different agendas for younger men with older women, on the men’s perspective there is this motherly sense that gives a loving warmth that women younger or of age do not actually give as often. it’s a psychological component that gives a different attraction. There are the men that look this as a sense of accomplishment and thrill, the older woman gives different conversation, often different sex (many view better) and different views of life. This can become magnetic but doesn’t always become the case. Then there are cases of individuality where the man actually acknowledges the woman’s great values, great sense of humor, compassionate and loving sides and sees her exactly for who she is and the age is not relevant because she is relevant and I have a good feeling that is where your young cub falls in. As for the mention of your not perfect body, well I see a lot less perfect than perfect (if that even exist) and so many men appreciate the “normal” woman more so than believed. Work on making yourself either come to terms with your natural beauty or you can join a gym or work from home. These boost morale and will add drive to your young pups already blossoming drive. Do not seek for the negative answer only because even if it doesn’t exist, you will find it. Situations don’t always go as planned, so your fling progressed against rule and often happens. Embrace his views, converse with him about his decisions and don’t question them often in doubt or negativity. Honor his words as he seems to honor you. I wish you both the best. Please keep me posted on this.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'd love to know what you think about this:
I'm married. We've had our ups and downs in the past - it was always something I felt we'd overcome and that our love and respect of one another would win out in the end - I was always very confident in our relationship. Until we moved out of state - just to do something different. Once we got there, it was very difficult to find employment for me - he transferred his job - I started school instead and began to fit into our new life - he was working over night. We had a neighbor that I considered a friend after a while - she was a few years younger than we were, single mom who lived home with her mother and brother. We'd share clothes, she gave me a few items - even exchanged Christmas gifts and helped me out a lot with things in a new city - I helped her with school - she would even have dinner with us. Every now and then we'd giver her rides home from work, she didn't have a car - either I or my husband would take her/pick her up - when I noticed that he was giving her rides more and more often - Other times I would leave class early to come home and see him on her front stoop - looking stupid when I'd pull up... Long story short, he had an affair with her - not just sex, but a relationship behind my back. I confronted him when he thought I had concrete evidence, and he finally admitted it a year and a half later. Ripped my world apart. I wanted to die. I remember sobbing on the bathroom floor - curled up in a ball and my then 13 year old son comforting me and reassuring me that it was not my fault... I'm still hurt and this was in 2008! Shortly after that revelation, he fell asleep in bed with his cell phone - I was awakened by his phone vibrating - I picked it up and read a text from another female! He denied, then finally admitted they'd been 'talking' but nothing more developed - which may be true, but where would it have gone if I hadn't caught him? I kicked him out - He basically begged me back, I accepted him back - but then after a while he got this cocky type attitude and expected me to just get over it! During that rocky patch I began welcoming the attention from other men - never strayed, just flirted - enjoyed the attention - I mean, I felt fat and ugly before - was losing weight by then. Anyhow, I slowly began losing weight, and paying closer attention to my looks - his jealousy raged! He became smothering and anxious. I threatened to end things with him if he didn't lighten up - so he did - after a few days @ his mothers. So now, we are going pretty smooth - I'm working again but he isn't which leaves him with a LOT of free time and I notice he is always on the computer - clears his browsing history, has a large amount of local ladies as friends on Facebook, etc. I am very uncomfortable, I think he may be up to something... He has moments where he acts as if he is exasperated with me or something, then other times I'm the love of his life. He still snoops on me - reads emails, etc. I'm not doing anything, he can trust me, but seems to feel he can't he's always been that way. I guess my question is: Do you think (in your humble/professional opinion) that he is still straying? Am I a dummy for staying? For the record - I didn't leave then mainly because I wasn't employed (except for a few graphic design jobs) and we have 4 kids (5-16) -things have changed and I could pretty much do it on my own if need be. There are times I seriously consider walking away - but I have children to think about. Not quite sure what to do. I love him, but I'm not happy.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance
Truth {♥}

This saddens me because there is so much in play with your four children risking being exposed if they haven’t been already. They are brighter than we imagine and ever more observant. I hate to see a family dismantled and separated but there are instances where the inner health of the parents are most vital for the health of the children. How much unhappiness is flowing in the air at home and how does this affect the children?
There is always hope for change but I think the scars run so deep that it would take some therapy sessions to assist in healing. Even if the decision to separate is made, you should consider therapy for the trust issues that has become tangible due to his cheating ways. The victimizer always expects the victim to just get over it and that’s because they do not whatsoever understand the pain and hurt in lies, cheating and deceit. They often run and evade from embracing their hurtful positions and wish you get over it so they wont feel like the bad guy. It isn’t so much for you to move on but for them to erase the burden of guilt. Its very selfish for someone to expect you to get over it. You have your own individual time period for healing and need it. This situation without therapy will remain unhealthy and will ultimately affect the kids and that worries me a lot. He seems to have the “you’re my wife, you’re my property” attitude and that worries me as well. Therapy should be a major topic at this point if there is anything to save here and even if not, in order to co-exist as parents for the children without any rage, jealousy or immaturity. Sometimes walking away is hard but best, I don’t want to flat out make an opinionated statement based on what you told me, I just try to give you the best answer I would give myself and my closest loved one. I really think if therapy isn’t embraced as a family then you need to put the option of separating on the table. There is the family component and in order to work as a cohesive family, a loving and strong unit, there must be healing. I truly hope I helped. Please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a world of confusion. I think I know what I have to do but seem to find myself stuck in a situation I shouldn’t be in. I typed you this question a dozen times and deleted it because its deep and I questioned how anonymous this is but I see it is and I need your words.
I have been with this guy for two years. Every weekend my child’s father was taking my child and I would have this man over and we would have so much fun and great sex and just feel free and laugh all the time. The last few months my child’s father wasn’t taking our child on the weekends, he sort of disappeared and things with my man are going from great to weird to horrible. He makes me feel so worthless at times and he says my child isn’t his responsibility when I ask him to do things with us. Oh yeah, he lives with me and my child. My child is four and I really thought this guy was someone I can spend my life with and he moved in with me and everything. He doesn’t show interest in my child. He has cheated on me recently and says its because I’m so busy with my child that I don’t have time for him. He makes me feel like he has done this before and I wish he could just accept my child too. My child needs me and I cant just give my child’s attention away to him. How can I do both? How can I make him stop cheating? I really hate how he makes me feel. He blames me for my child’s fathers disappearance by saying I had to have done or said something because the guy wouldn’t just disappear. We start arguing but his words are a lot harsher and I just shut up because I don’t have the strength to argue sometimes. What should I do?
Thank you, I read your blog and I don’t want to go to my friends, they don’t know and I don’t want them to. Sincerely, Lost

I never allow these questions to get me riled up because I am someone that has spent considerable time in my life assisting when I can and giving advice. I have worked in some of the most strenuous fields of work and when riled up, step away for a moment of clarity and return with the best of me surfaced. Your email made me take a moment.
First thing I want to say is your boyfriend is a scumbag. Yes I said it. He is a piece of trash, yet I will explain his position so you can have a better understanding why he does what he does. You were the weekend ass to him. Every weekend he was able to have uninterrupted sex, all weekend and a place to stay worry free from whatever he had in his world. He looks at your child as a disruption of this and isn’t mature enough to let go and embrace your child and after this length of time he wont. He doesn’t view you as wife material, he sees you as convenience sex and comfort. You provide shelter and sex and probably dinner. Your child to him is imposing on his perfect little world and he refuses to give in. That is disgusting and selfish and you as a parent disappoint me tremendously. How this idiot remains in your home is something you need to ask yourself. There isn’t a balancing act between your child and that guy if he doesn’t respect you, your child and your position. There is no way to make him happy because he will resent your child for taking away his little selfish world and I fear his ability to harm your child out of jealousy. My best advice is to detach and eliminate, you must realize what’s healthiest for your child and remove this idiot from your home. This is one situation that is unhealthy and rarely if ever gets better. You should also consider counseling because I feel there is more to not only this story but your story in general. I want best for you and your child. Please consider outside help. The best solution with that jerk is to let it go. You may think it will bring pain to your heart but I guarantee after the very temporary pain subsides, joy will surface ten fold. This I promise. Please keep me posted.

Friday, February 5, 2010


To Mr. Lover Man

Hey mr lover lover… I need help here, is it really true that once a cheater always a cheater? My boyfriend cheated on me and he reminded me of when I cheated on him last year but I have not had the temptation to do it again but I think with men it is different, so is it true that once a cheater always a cheater. Thank you, truly, innocent but not so innocent

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Innocent but not so innocent,
People tend to always blame men for being the constant cheater like there is a genetic component that forces men to cheat and it’s out of their control. This is such idiocy. For the record, statistically women cheat more than men and anyone who takes pride in that is an idiot. Cheating is a conscious decision no matter what (unless drugged but that’s another topic) and is one made individually. Can someone change, of course they can. Can someone stop cheating? Of course they can, stop listening to one liners by bitter miserable idiots who are afraid to take chances or who only attract losers. You have cheated and you stated that you have not had the temptation but that didn’t sound like you were in the clear yourself. So should he trust you? I think that counseling or some form of professional help would be suffice here and definitely would pit you in a better position amongst one another. I do wish the best for you, please keep me posted and remember that people are individuals.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Why do people who cheat tend to say that the cheating had absolutely nothing to do with their partner? Say that it wasn't that the other person was better in bed; better looking, etc. yet risk destroying their relationship? How can a person come back with it was just something that happened/something that they felt like doing for that moment and/or amount of time yet still claim to love and want to be with their partner? That just strikes me as immature, greedy and ignorant. I'd really appreciate your view on this. Thank you, Simply Me

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Simply Me
Well in my opinion the fact that one cheats is enough to ask oneself “does the costs of this relationship outweigh the rewards?” and if so, it’s time to let it go. There is no reason for cheating, EVER. The lame excuses people use are to cover their malicious, selfish, inconsiderate selves. These are ways to make them become the victim when they are actually cruel, greedy, horrible people at this time. In your question you want to know why certain things are said. In my opinion these are said to place a pillow under the fact that this person was horrible in their actions and they wish to soften it and make them look less selfish. Anyone who cheats has not taken the loss of the relationship in full account and if they did then they either felt it wasn’t worth much or they had a cemented position. If one results to cheating, they did NOT respect the other party whatsoever. As for the person saying the love the partner and wanting to be with them, well why not? At the moment of not being physically tangled with the side piece, of course they are feeling what they think is love again, of course they want their cake and eat it too. Greedy people are like that. You have to remember that they cheated, so how can you trust their words right after they cheated? Situations like this either need professional intervention or detaching in order for there to be healthy solutions. Good luck with everything.

Dear Mr. Lover Man
I have been talking to this guy for seven months now. Meet him on twitter; we started bbm each then moved to talking on the phone almost every day for several months. We started making plans to see each other. I was excited about it until I went home on a visit and the males in my family started putting doubts in my head. My sister said she would go with me but they said two women shouldn't be going either. But we were staying at a hotel n he was going to meet me there. Well while I was there visiting family. I must have changed because he said I act like I didn't want to talk to him. Well, I stopped calling him for a few months but still talked to him a bbm. I never told him why I pulled back until a few months ago. He was not happy, he said I should have talked to him about it. He has a temper, this I know from the way he writes not from talking with him. And he admits it. But back to the subject. I bbm him all the time but he don't bbm me. We talking about seeing each other again, but to me something is not right. I ask him to call me, he say he will but never do. Now he getting a iphone n he said that I still have his number we can text. He always says that it's me that don't like to talk on the phone. Should I call him? He said he’s not seeing anyone, and that he would like to see what happens with us before he does. I want t believe him but, something is not right to me, and I ask him all the time is he sure bout meeting me. He says yes. But why doesn't he call when he says he is. Or bbm me? What do u think?
Sincerely What should I do?

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear What should I do,
One thing I have always been against is the consistent intervention of family and friends when it isn’t fully warranted. I understand the concern of your siblings but they made a bias and unfair assessment thinking they had your best interest ion heart and I’m sure they did but that doesn’t make it the best choice. Ultimately you have to be content with the choices you make and no one else will ever feel what you feel when you lay your head on that pillow at night alone. Now the troubling thing is that it clearly appears to me that the intervention caused you to act different and keeping this distance for months after things seemed to progress cause this gentleman to retract his stance. He was also emotionally invested and your unexplainable changes for months before the confession can feel deceitful and unfair to the other person. It now has caused him to do the same thing it appears and there doesn’t seem to be substantial growth. As for his anger issues, this is something that should be addressed and there is definitely anger management classes that are affordable all over. I highly recommend it. Now to these unmade phone calls, this is something I call high school. I don’t believe in waiting for a call, giving cold shoulders, waiting to see who calls first, blah blah blah… These are childish and never accomplish anything. These are young minded, bitter games to give a false sense of control in a relationship instead of looking for partnership. You want to talk to him and hear his voice, then call him. He is acting a way in defense to what you have unfolded upon him and although that doesn’t make it right, it’s what’s happening. You need to step up with the same effort as you easily stepped back and make your position known. If this is what you want then go for it, do not wait and allow him to think you are playing the “fall back” game again. I don’t know if it is that he is dating and I don’t know that maybe he is protecting his heart from outside intervention that may persuade you to pull back again but unless you step up you will never know. I wish you the best of luck, please let me know how it turns out.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need advice ... I’m IN LOVE WITH 3 MEN. And I can’t seem to choose which one that I really want to be with. One makes me happy as a best friend and more but I find that I am not as physically attractive to him, the other is EVERYTHING that I could ask for and more, he is perfect and yet I’m just waiting for something to go wrong, and the other is just everything that I want but don't need because all we do is argue and fight…. help.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: The bad thing about being in love with more than one person is the misinterpreted positions they think they play. In your situation there are 3 men who probably have feelings for you being that you profess your love for them. You stating you do not know which one to choose tells me that in some degree they are not all aware that you are stuck in limbo trying to make a choice. This alone is a selfish act and before you can come to terms with making a choice, take some time to tell these men truthfully how you feel and that you are stuck between a choice of 3 and watch the choice become easier as someone will not wait around to be some contestant in your reality show. However, in searching for the “one” of three, one must ask self what is it that “I” want? What is it that makes me happy and as a unit what can we achieve. Making the best choice is not a guarantee; you have one that doesn’t catch your physical lustful eye and that kind of narrows sexual attraction unless love is so overwhelming which I’m not sure it is because of your physical confession. Then the one that is everything you want but waiting for his errors and flaws to show, in my opinion if you look for something hard enough, you will find it. Even if it is NOT there. What’s wrong with just enjoying what is happening now? Nothing at all. Stop looking for negativity and appreciate what you have. It’s ok to prepare for the worst but stop searching for it; you will ultimately sabotage that relationship. As for the one you are always arguing and fighting with, well that appears to be very unhealthy and not the one I would consider on face value. With the information given, it appears to be the least healthy of the bunch. I think you need to dig deep within yourself and take a moment away from all three in order to better assess the situation, and don’t add any more because soon you will be a VH1 special. LOL. Good luck with everything. Keep me posted.