Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been married for ten years and unhappy for the last six years. My wife & I haven’t had sex in the last two years and we pretty much continue this relationship because of our two children. I find myself wanting the companionship I am missing in my marriage. I want to kiss, hold and make love to someone and my wife isn’t an option. I have a friend that I have been spending a little time wife and she is in a marriage that is not providing what we need. Spending time with her has opened my eyes to what I am missing and although it is not sexual, the tension exists and our interests in exploring something more is common. I think about her all the time and I find myself wondering if I would be having an affair and that is something I do not want to do. I want to move forward but I know I am still married, help me please. From: Anonymously Unhappy

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymously Unhappy”,
Your length of time of unhappiness is quite lengthy and I am wondering how the communication is at home. I understand the conflict within but in order for you to feel great about whichever direction you choose to go, think about a few things. The first thing is, how effective of a communicator have you been lately? Are you clear that this marriage is over and is it beyond repair? The reason you need to know is because you can not make these decisions for you wife and you should always close one door before opening another. Should there be hope of making your marriage work, are you willing to do your part? When you address these questions and if you find yourself in a situation that directs you to move forward, you need clarity on where this women will stand in your world as opposed to her marriage. Do not give up your marriage for a woman that may never exit hers. Communication is your answer and until you answered these questions clearly, do not make the decision to abandon your marriage just yet. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am on the brink of having an affair and I am in need of help because I really love my husband. I have a male friend who makes me feel more alive and more passionate about myself than I have felt in quite a while. Our friendship is relatively new, about a year and a half and I really enjoy his company. He is in a relationship of his own but our flirting grows over time. I know I probably shouldn’t be doing it but it feels good when we are flirting. It makes me realize the thing missing at home. Give me some words here because I really am ready to make a move and I know I shouldn’t. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I always have a problem with these “friends” who claim to be a friend but have ulterior motives and the person in the relationship which knows better but engages in it anyway. First thing, he is not you friend if he knows very well that you are married and is trying to have his way with you outside of the friendship. Real fiends would not do so, especially that you have not claimed you had issues at home and were open about you really loving your husband. I think that the things you realize you are claiming to be missing at home should be worked on before you venture to try to find it elsewhere. You have to try and remember that your home is where you must work on always. The love exists but does the willingness to respect this love exist? Who are you in your relationship and are you willing to lose your home relationship to be a side-piece to a friend who is obviously only friending you for a piece of sex. All too often I have seen these situations where the person actually engages and either ruins the home relationship and/or realizes they risked something great only to be revealed as a quick piece of sex. The smart choice is to work on things at home, to communicate and to make sure you don’t just respect your relationship at home but when you are not home as well. You being on the brink of an affair isn’t so much about your friend, but more so about who you are. I hope you are better than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My marriage has lost its spark, it has been on the decline for quite a while and I don’t think either of us has had the guts to admit it out loud. My wife spends more time in a separate room and no longer embraces me as I walk in from work. The little things are gone and I find myself interested in other women at work. I get hit on quite often and have always been professional but I feel lonely in my own home. I feel like I need to seek love somewhere, as my wife has not shown me any. Thank you for your time. “Steven”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Steven”,
I think before you take this cop-out of an excuse, you need to exercise all options in your marriage. Have you tried counseling? Doesn’t sound like you have. Have you decided that it would be smarter to communicate out loud as opposed to assumptions and doing something stupid? The little things that have diminished have part of your responsibility on it. The fact that you felt this occurring and have not maturely addressed this shows that you played a part in its demise. Could this be saved? Of course it can, do you really want that? You do not need to seek love anywhere but home and should this mutually come to an end, then and only then should you seek love elsewhere. You are in a vowed marriage and for better or worse, you must stand by your promise to try and make this work and exercise all options. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am in a great relationship that hits a snag. This snag is my girlfriend’s 7 year old son. The child is a good, well behaved child but does not warm up to me. I tried extending myself in a manner that I felt was safe and somewhat warming but this child does not even talk to me. I really do not know what to do. I found myself pulling away and not knowing what to say when I visit them. I really want this to work, please help me.

Signed respectfully, “A good man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “A good man”,

This is such a common situation and I want to take this time to applaud you for your attempts and your position and where you want this to go. It is not easy for a child to warm up to the man who has just imposed into his world and has snatched attention from the most important person in his life. I’m not sure if the child has a strong bond with his biological father but that can also play a role. It will take time and in this time, try to find out all the little things that he likes. Go out as a trio and see his favorite movies, plays, game halls, etc., and you will slowly see the ice melt. He needs to feel safe and can’t feel second in his mom’s world. He needs to often be reassured that you are not coming in to make things difficult. A child cannot be expected to have the same clear understanding of the situation as the adults present in the situation. It is your job to ask yourself how much do you want this and should it be more yes than no, then you have to allow patience to be your best friend. I have seen the successes in these stories and would love to know that yours is also one. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do you know if you can bring someone around your child? I have been dating this loving man for four months and we have been in such awe of one another. I am seemingly falling in love and he has expressed similar feelings but a little a bit stronger. He has expressed interest in meeting my daughter and I have never let any man meet my daughter because I am very protective. Will this ruin the relationship if I wait too long and when will I know I can trust him? Thank you so much Mr. Lover Man, from Momma Bear.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Momma Bear”,

It is great to protect our children and that is something that all parents should pride selves in. Your situation is one that many parents dating ask themselves. You should engage in conversation with you daughter and set up dialogue. Allow her chance to prepare for the moment when she meets someone new. Remind her of her position and how this is an addition and not substitute.

As for your boyfriend, you will know when the time is right when you start to daydream of moments of you three co-existing in such a wonderful manner. Those moments that you can visualize how great it can be because of how great he is to you and when you stop that thought and you feel you miss it although it hasn’t happened, then you will know it is the right time. Make sure you have a deep detailed talk about this, fully understand how he feels and do not irrationally impose expectations on him that is not fair. Your daughter is first but she is not only, you have to remember that this is new for everyone and you will be the facilitator, so to speak.

As for your concern about the waiting process being a negative, well it can be. Not definitely but one may wonder the level of seriousness if one can never fully enter his partner’s world. I have a feeling that is not the issue here but in conversation, reassurance and a request of patience is reasonable. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I never had a good relationship with my step-dad. He was real military and not emotional. He really was nice to my mom and was a complete heel to me and my brother. Ok, so here we are up to date, my girlfriend has a child and she knows I had nothing but bad memories with my step-dad because I told her. Now she thinks I may not have the ability to be a good step parent if the time comes to meet her son. I am not a bad person and I don’t think that it’s a picture that should be painted about me. How can I change her from thinking this way? It’s not fair for me. Thanks. “Anonymous”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

Your yesterday should not ever be held over your head, especially when you are too far ahead into today. You have to remind her of who you are and tell her that because of your experiences that you actually know what it feels like and could never inflict upon another. Your story of yesterday can’t change who you are and your willingness to share is commendable. Make sure you communicate, not in a defensive manner, but in the honest way that you can. You must continue to present who you are and respect her position to take precaution to protect her son as any honorable parent would. She didn’t break up which clearly means that she is still on board. Have patience and communicate. Never shy from being you and allow her time to see once again how great you are. Good luck and keep me posted.

Friday, December 2, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need your help like yesterday. I am married but I got caught up into a relationship at work with a supervisor and now it’s beginning to affect my relationship at home. My supervisor doesn’t want more than sex but he is somewhat reckless with his communication and my husband is beginning to catch on. How can I ease my way out of the one at work & fix my relationship at home without ruining my chances of productivity at work? Respectfully Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place”,
First thing is that in you search to slide your way out of sleeping with a supervisor, you neglect the disrespect and lack of regard to your husband. Your decision to cheat and lie has placed you in a situation with a supervisor who does not respect you as his actions show with his clear disrespect to your marriage at home as his form of communication is reckless. He does not care about whether you get caught or not because he has power over you and you are too weak to confront it. You rather risk hurting you husband who probably is supportive and loving than confront your supervisor about his blatant disrespect of your home. You are a weasel of the worst kind, however, there is a way to change this position you are in.

First thing you have to do is let your supervisor know the importance of your marriage (if that truly exists) and why the situation you have with him can no longer exists and anything outside of professionalism is on zero tolerance. If this is not something the supervisor will accept, any conversation further than that should be recorded without his knowledge. You will need to cover yourself as all too often, when the female the boss is screwing gets boring or wants to return home, it has been reported to not settle well with the power mongering boss.

Do something amazing for your husband, as a matter of fact, be amazing for you husband, more so for yourself and focus all the extra marital sex on your husband. You need to grow up and make mature decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I feel played and humiliated at work. My boss is a dog and I fell into his chauvinistic ways. Here is my story: My boss came across as a charming man, someone respectful and always complimenting me. I really thought he was different and after a month of relations it seems like he is doing the same exact thing he did with me to the new girl and I am beyond livid. I can already sense how others are looking at me and I am humiliated. I want to confront him, no, I want to rip his head off and key his car but I can’t afford to lose my job. Please help me. Thank you, “Used”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Used”,
There is not much that can be done other than embrace the fact that he played you so now focus on moving forward. It’s not easy and I understand how humiliated you feel but ultimately you have to work in that environment and you need to do what you must to further educate yourself to qualify for a higher position and be the example for change. You can use your experience to help others; you can take what you have learned and move forward. Unfortunately this is too common at the workplace and something that will not just simply stop as the power given with title is abused in many ways. You will have to learn to protect yourself from further advances from males at the workplace as once it is known, usually others hone in to try and take advantage of what can be labeled the “easy girl”. You need to focus on why you were hired and what it is you have to do at work. Don’t try to be anything other than a hard worker.

It is known that 17% of women have slept with their bosses and only about 30% felt any type of benefit. Most of the time it is the boss using the position as a degrading means to sex whomever they feel will fall for it. You need to focus more on the best you and do not allow this dirtbag to determine your worth. Do not run from the topic and do not give him any other attention outside of the professionalism to co-exist. Other than that, never lose sight that he is a scum bag who is not in the department of change. You need to focus on being in that department. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am the President of a particular company and I find myself fantasizing about the secretary. I do not wish to be labeled as one of those with power who use this power to sleep around. I am a respectable man whom has taken strong pride in working my way up by sweat and lack of sleep. I am influenced to remain shy of engaging with those lower on the hierarchy of the work ladder by my peers. I am not one that has been known to become easily swayed by others but I can see how this looks. Is there anyway to approach this without being labeled and without causing a stir? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
No, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and anyone who thinks otherwise is so far removed from reality, you should give them crayons to dram their next steps in life. The truth is that the labels are there, a secretary sleeping with the boss is never equal and never respectable. As long as one person possesses power over the other whether status or genuine power, there is no equality, which is why Doctors or Lawyers should never sleep with their patients/clients. One person has entered the relationship with more power over the other and this will forever remain as such. I don’t know what type of relationship you are seeking but do not mislead yourself or her. Should you choose to pursue this, do so for reasons genuine to self and never lose sight of who you are. Remain the President of the company that sweated profusely and slept little to hold a position to make a difference. Do not allow a situation like a work fling to destroy that. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Sleeping with the boss is something that has been age old. Far less has truly benefitted and often those that have, in some form or fashion has been labeled accordingly (ex: Monica Lewinsky). The best way to succeed is to earn it and never compromise who you are for a short cut that could end by keeping you labeled and forcing higher ups to never respect you enough to give you a chance for growth at work. Be the best you at all times because your work fling is not a secret, men at work talk more than women at work and that’s often because men at work feel they can. More men are at power and hold status in this world than women and that’s by a huge margin. 60& of men and 70% of women lose respect for you in that situation. Much blessings to all and earn yours off your back. Much respect.