Monday, April 25, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I had my eye on this guy for quite some time. He is a looker. Every time I laid eyes on him I wanted to throw myself at him. One day I sucked it all in and approached him, we spoke and he was such a gentleman. I felt like he was preoccupied at times but when he looked at me, I felt so beautiful. I gave myself to him and all of a sudden he is too busy and hardly returns my calls. What’s up with that? Why are men so inconsiderate and uncaring?
From Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
First thing, if you think men are so inconsiderate and uncaring, maybe you should ask yourself why is that you attract those types of men. You walked into this situation acting like he was water and you were stranded on a desert. In the very beginning there was an indication that something may be wrong with him being preoccupied and instead of trusting instinct, you walked with your eyes. One thing I wonder is when he looked at you did you feel beautiful because this guy you were lusting after looked at you are because you misled yourself to think it would be more? This often happens and then people place all the blame on the other person. You gave yourself up sexually in what probably is not his respectable viewing timeline and he probably was a scumbag who took what you offered and was no longer interested. As cruel as that may sound, it is real life and you need to carry yourself a bit more respectable and learn someone before you let them dive into the ocean. Verbal and non verbal body languages are key in knowing where he would have stood. You can’t blind yourself to the point that you compromise the better you for a moment. You can try to communicate how you feel and what it is you wish but you have to be honest with yourself and prepared to accept his truths. In actuality, at this point, his silence has spoken volumes. Good luck, keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My friends think there is something wrong with me because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Is that really a bad thing? I mean I know I haven’t been doing exactly the best when it comes to meeting guys. I give too much too fast and then they lose interest. How do I change that? Lots of thanks, Melissa

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Melissa,
Giving your all isn’t a weakness, but the timing can be. It’s good that you are a good person but one thing is that when you are in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, you have to always be cautious. You have to embrace this as the “learning phase” and not the “what can I do for you phase”. A key is to not go too far from who you are and where your life is for another. Stay in your comfort zone, don’t enter his just yet. Make him earn that with displayed interest. Being caring isn’t something I expect you to turn off, but the steps to allowing someone in your world can be altered. Life is yours, make it that way. If he has interest, he will allow himself to be paced respectfully. You have a made a life without the next guy, don’t abandon that to try and make him smile. Your world should be part of why he smiles. Be smart, learn him. Good luck, keep me posted on your next endeavor.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I get a man to open up from the beginning? I feel like by the time I do, he is ready to walk. What is it men want besides sex? I meet men and it never lasts and I’m going to be in my 30’s soon and I would like to find the right one. Thanks for the help. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Comfort brings comfort and in trying to seek that you just have to be yourself and if he isn’t comfortable with you being you then it’s on to the next one. As for what men want outside of sex, the first thing is an open minded woman that knows that a real man doesn’t want just sex. Another thing that isn’t so known is that men focus on the activity that produces emotions instead of emotions that produce activity and that’s why it seems men are into only sex. Men want women that know what they want and are independent without being bitter. Men want a confident woman who isn’t trying to challenge his manhood but empowered by her womanhood. Men want a partner and not a constant instigator or interrogator. Being competitive is cute but men don’t want to always compete, they prefer support emotionally and a partner. Men can confuse intensity with intimacy at times and good men aren’t afraid to lead when needed, but will also take charge at other moments. As for your age issue, do NOT ever compromise because you feel a clock is running out. You are still very young and as a young adult, you have time to seek within and see more of yourself to surface that will attract good men. These other guys you can’t keep cant only be their fault and you need to self analyze before you go men shopping. The key to finding Mr. Right is by being yourself and being the best you, which is Mrs. Right. Good luck and keep me posted.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do I break up with my boyfriend without hurting him so much? I am not interested any longer in this and it isn’t like he is a bad person, I just don’t want to force myself to stay when I’m not happy. HELP ME PLEASE.
Anonymous Jane.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous Jane”,
Is there a way to break up with someone in a relationship where emotions are invested and no one gets hurt? Absolutely not, however, you have to not wear the responsibility of another’s feelings and come to terms with the fact that you are being honest with yourself and the other. With that being said, do not be childish about it, be gentle, be honest and be humane. There is an emotional investment, so do this with grace and remember that you’re soon to be ex boyfriends feelings are in part from his belief system, you have your own and he has his. This helps ease the guilt of hurting another. The fact of the matter is, someone will be hurt, but you cannot wear that all the time. You need to find your inner peace with moving on and gently ease out with respect because he has feelings too. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My man just broke up with me and I’m really hurting from this. I feel like if he heard me out he would change his mind and see that I’m the one for him. Why don’t guys listen when you telling them things they need to hear? From Broken Heart

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Broken Heart”,
Break-ups are not the easiest thing to deal with but they are not impossible either. The problem here is that it isn’t the guys that aren’t listening to the things they “need to hear”, it’s you that isn’t listening to what is needed to hear and that’s the fact that your ex is not willing to be with you any longer. Sometimes the one you want is not the one for you and when you are hurt, things aren’t as clear as when your emotions settle down. Do not take this relationship like a reflection of self worth because just because two people are not compatible doesn’t mean one is worth less. Utilize your time, take this time to work on doing things you have wanted to and just never got around to doing. Sometimes these breaks in life is a transition phase, testing one to enhance strength and giving the ability to invite something new in one’s life. Take advantage. Be mature about how the world of relationships work and you will see that not all last but as long as you got something to carry forward from it, it was a success in education. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m in a position where the only option is breaking up with my woman. I know she is going to be upset and I don’t want it to be that way but I have been unhappy for a long time and I am taking from my life being with her. I don’t want to be like other guys that broke her heart but I’m not happy. I care and want to do it the easiest way possible. How do I do it? Mr. Sunday Morning

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. Sunday Morning”,
Despite the name, this is not easy like Sunday morning (Lionel Richie if you didn’t know). Ok, back on track, there is no way to do this without eliminating hurt, especially if this is a pattern for her. However, it is not your job to place blame at all or to make her feel diminished in her life position. I appreciate you wanting to ease the pain and often the best way is to be caring and honest, however, not brutal to the sense that you become accusatory and place blame. You can say something like “The connection between us is no longer there” as opposed to “You don’t make me happy”. Be a gentleman about things and often people say “Just tell me straight up” and when you do, things fall apart. The reality is you are being straight up; you’re just not being an asshole about it. You are considering her feelings and only letting the reasons it isn’t going to work without placing blame be known. Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Mr. Lover Man,
My girlfriend left me and we were together for almost three years. I was down for about three or four days and I thought I would be down a lot longer but I’m not. Is that normal? From: Luis

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Luis”,
Some people believe that the time one is together is an automatic rule for length in getting over a break-up and that is never true. Each person and individual is different. A lot of this arises from need or unfulfilled needs in childhood and how clingy people become and the level of attachment in an individual. You getting over it fast don’t make you other than normal nor does it mean that you valued it less; it simply is about the character within and the life factors that have contributed to this. I wouldn’t kick myself in the rear about this, now had it been reversed and you were down in an extensive period, then I would recommend seeking help about that. Luis, live your life and be the best you always. Good luck.