Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

How do I break up with my boyfriend without hurting him so much? I am not interested any longer in this and it isn’t like he is a bad person, I just don’t want to force myself to stay when I’m not happy. HELP ME PLEASE.
Anonymous Jane.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous Jane”,
Is there a way to break up with someone in a relationship where emotions are invested and no one gets hurt? Absolutely not, however, you have to not wear the responsibility of another’s feelings and come to terms with the fact that you are being honest with yourself and the other. With that being said, do not be childish about it, be gentle, be honest and be humane. There is an emotional investment, so do this with grace and remember that you’re soon to be ex boyfriends feelings are in part from his belief system, you have your own and he has his. This helps ease the guilt of hurting another. The fact of the matter is, someone will be hurt, but you cannot wear that all the time. You need to find your inner peace with moving on and gently ease out with respect because he has feelings too. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My man just broke up with me and I’m really hurting from this. I feel like if he heard me out he would change his mind and see that I’m the one for him. Why don’t guys listen when you telling them things they need to hear? From Broken Heart

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Broken Heart”,
Break-ups are not the easiest thing to deal with but they are not impossible either. The problem here is that it isn’t the guys that aren’t listening to the things they “need to hear”, it’s you that isn’t listening to what is needed to hear and that’s the fact that your ex is not willing to be with you any longer. Sometimes the one you want is not the one for you and when you are hurt, things aren’t as clear as when your emotions settle down. Do not take this relationship like a reflection of self worth because just because two people are not compatible doesn’t mean one is worth less. Utilize your time, take this time to work on doing things you have wanted to and just never got around to doing. Sometimes these breaks in life is a transition phase, testing one to enhance strength and giving the ability to invite something new in one’s life. Take advantage. Be mature about how the world of relationships work and you will see that not all last but as long as you got something to carry forward from it, it was a success in education. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m in a position where the only option is breaking up with my woman. I know she is going to be upset and I don’t want it to be that way but I have been unhappy for a long time and I am taking from my life being with her. I don’t want to be like other guys that broke her heart but I’m not happy. I care and want to do it the easiest way possible. How do I do it? Mr. Sunday Morning

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. Sunday Morning”,
Despite the name, this is not easy like Sunday morning (Lionel Richie if you didn’t know). Ok, back on track, there is no way to do this without eliminating hurt, especially if this is a pattern for her. However, it is not your job to place blame at all or to make her feel diminished in her life position. I appreciate you wanting to ease the pain and often the best way is to be caring and honest, however, not brutal to the sense that you become accusatory and place blame. You can say something like “The connection between us is no longer there” as opposed to “You don’t make me happy”. Be a gentleman about things and often people say “Just tell me straight up” and when you do, things fall apart. The reality is you are being straight up; you’re just not being an asshole about it. You are considering her feelings and only letting the reasons it isn’t going to work without placing blame be known. Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Mr. Lover Man,
My girlfriend left me and we were together for almost three years. I was down for about three or four days and I thought I would be down a lot longer but I’m not. Is that normal? From: Luis

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Luis”,
Some people believe that the time one is together is an automatic rule for length in getting over a break-up and that is never true. Each person and individual is different. A lot of this arises from need or unfulfilled needs in childhood and how clingy people become and the level of attachment in an individual. You getting over it fast don’t make you other than normal nor does it mean that you valued it less; it simply is about the character within and the life factors that have contributed to this. I wouldn’t kick myself in the rear about this, now had it been reversed and you were down in an extensive period, then I would recommend seeking help about that. Luis, live your life and be the best you always. Good luck.

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