Monday, December 27, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend and I have been having ups and downs but I don’t think our problems should lead to cheating. She cheated on me saying I don’t spend enough time with her and I’m always tired, so I don’t have sex with her as much as she would like. What she doesn’t understand is that I am the only one working and I work extra shifts to take care of the household. She is saying she has needs and all this other nonsense that I really don’t want to hear. Should I walk away from this girl? Can people recover from cheating or should I just leave? I don’t deserve this, not the way I am working. I got my degree, I got my things together, I work hard, I drive and I don’t have problems with anyone. I love her but I keep getting from my boys to just bounce on her and not return. They say she needs me because she is unemployed and I should kick her out but I do love her. I am stuck, help me. Thank you Mr. Lover Man, “Confused Good Man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Confused Good Man”,
Initially when someone finds out their partner is cheating, there comes this devastation within that just doesn’t seem to end. However, infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship. In order for infidelities to cease all parties have to analyze their positions in this and this does not take away the irresponsible disgusting nature of her actions but all parties must do some fixing. In your particular case she definitely did NOT take into account how hard you work or care enough about how you felt. She does NOT have a legitimate excuse to cheat as none exists but her excuse is one of the weaker ones. You have made your case for a man who is a good catch but you need to solidify that by putting your self-value forward and either kick her out or make things work. Either way you need to be more than the roof over her head. Maybe she should get a job and see how much more tired she would be and how much more she would appreciate what it is you do. However, I don’t know that she would do so for this relationship because the type of person that usually cheats for such a lame excuse is the type that continuously cheats. In my opinion I think you should weigh out the good and bad of today and make the decision based on that. I always say that when the costs outweigh the rewards, it’s time to abandon that old investment and make a new investment. Good luck and keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a good looking woman and I really am not trying to come off conceited or arrogant but I am a very attractive woman. The reason I say that is because I cannot figure out why is it that the two or three times my boyfriend and I have sex in a week, he has had to have a drink. Is it something I am doing wrong? What is it with guys with sex and alcohol? Please shed some light on this situation. Thank you, “Sober Lady Needs Sober Loving”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Sober Lady Needs Sober Loving”,
There could be a few reasons why this is taking place and before I enter into that, I want to explain a little about the correlation and misconceptions of alcohol and sex. For many years they have been almost synonymous in action in many cases. There is a short term affect with alcohol and sex that is almost a “dis”-inhibiting effect if you will. This allows the person to somewhat loosen up and feel more comfortable about sex. Of course this isn’t taking drunks into account, but I’m talking about in smaller amounts. There is also a loosening in conversation within sexual communication. There even has been studies that showed that people who taken certain drinks and was told there was a small amount of alcohol in it (Even though there were none) were more sexual than normal. This leads back to the reason why your boyfriend feels the need to get his drink on before engaging sexually. Maybe your beauty intimidates him or his sober performance pales in his mind to his performance with a little alcohol in his system. Whatever the case is, this can come to an end with little drama. First thing is that you have to talk to him effectively. Express your concern for you and him as a unit with him drinking. Find out if he has additional stressors he isn’t discussing that may lead to his drinking. Remind him of your support to him as a couple. Reassure him that the alcohol is not needed in any case when he is with you and you prefer him sober and then show him why you prefer him sober. Catch him by surprise and make it amazing. Remind him of how great it can be sober and then afterwards sweetly reiterate your position. The long term effects are horrible but in this case we don’t want to use that to try and scare him, that won’t work. Great communication is the key. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a relationship. My boyfriend works hard but he doesn’t make much money and it gets frustrating for me because I feel like we should have more. He is a faithful good man but I wish he would get a better job. Right now there is this guy who wants to do the world for me and wants to buy me things I want and it gets more tempting as the days go by. I like gifts and things but I don’t know what to do. I know my man is good but I feel like I should have more. This other guy has money and I know he will be able to buy the things I want. What should I do? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I am almost tempted to call you a gold-digger in my best Kanye West impersonation but I’ll pass. Someone once said there is never enough money, with that being said, when you are showered with gifts, what happens next? You want cars and property? How about you get a job and earn these things yourself? Or is that degrading for you? You have a hard working man and for whatever reason that isn’t good enough for you and that’s ok, you are entitled to wanting more but you should take part in being more yourself before you talk about other people’s short comings. At least he is employed in the recession while you are seeking free gifts. You really need to evaluate the bigger picture, this man’s work ethic just may be rewarded with bigger things than even your gift wishing ways can fathom. You can sit him down and talk about the direction of the relationship honestly and on top of that add in your discontent with his work position but only do so if you have a solution that allows you to be of financial assistance and not just sideline gift wishing. Be a part of the solution and not run to another problem. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My boyfriend spends more time on his PS3 than he does on me and I am tired of it. I am two seconds from throwing it out the window and giving him a piece of my mind. What’s wrong with him? I want more sex but he is always having his fingers on the wrong buttons. He needs to grow up and look at this here and do something before I find someone who will. What should I do to get him to give me more attention? Advanced Thanks, “I’m More Than A Game”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I’m More Than A Game”,
This unfortunately happens more than I would like to admit. Neglect is one of the leading causes of a failed relationship but can easily be thwarted with strong communication and a better plan of timing in your relationship. You have to express to him the neglect you feel and how much you miss the attention you once received from him. Express why you miss it and what it would mean to you to have it back. Do not put an either the game or me in his face because this conversation isn’t about challenging, it’s about repairing. He can have game time but it should never outweigh your time. Work out time where he can have game time but where it doesn’t affect the time you deserve. This isn’t something that should destroy your relationship if communicated well and honestly. Good luck and keep me posted.

Monday, December 20, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I married have been for almost 22yrs and recently have fell in love with someone else....This other person I’ve known for 2 yrs but this last year we have become especially close...and wonderfully become intimate....I loved my friend even before sex and there was some hesitance beforehand. We are amazing as friends and even better as lovers...but it got too deep and I wanted more so they backed away and stopped the sex. We still remained friends although it was very difficult for me because I was in pure heat for this person....finally it got to where I couldn’t breath I wanted them so badly and the sex was back on and 10 times better than before. We go on vacation together...this person treats me better than anyone ever was very easy for me to fall in love....They told me in the beginning they didn’t want to be the reason I ended my marriage and they aren’t totally...I’ve moved out into my own place and they haven’t even been to see me yet....the sex has stopped again without any rhyme or reason...but continues to treat me just as friends...if we spend any amount of time together they will take some days off from speaking or seeing themselves stopping me from becoming too attached....also have let me know that they are sleeping with other people....everything about this relationship/friendship has totally been under their control....everything happens on their terms...never mine...I just adapt to what they want and have been ok with that. Just wanting to be with do I not care for someone who clearly doesn’t truly care for me????....they tell me that they love me, but dont want to be in a relationship anyone right now....I’m dying here. “Sad In Atlanta”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Sad In Atlanta”,
I think that you are searching for something new and you did not clearly take everything into account. This person you know for two years obviously is seeing you as you are, a married person having relations outside of their marriage. This isn’t the first of its kind but you made huge changes and are hoping for more than you are warranted. Of course the person hasn’t been to your new place yet, and that’s because you are no longer as thrilling as the married sneaking around person this other person entered the situation under. The constant pattern is this person backs away as you want more or displays/verbalizes your desire for more. These are red lights that should have had you re-evaluate the situation for what it truly is. The person said that there isn’t an interest in being in a relationship with anyone but I’m wondering if it’s just with you and this person is sparing your feelings somewhat. This is totally under their control for two reasons, one is because I’m very sure there is someone else this person is taking very serious and because this person doesn’t give you an equal value as this relationship was entered with you belonging with another and despite your initial attempt to fight it off; you gave in or initiated something you should never have. Now I don’t know if this being new after 22 years of marriage plays a factor in your head over heels love that this person is obviously not feeling in equality but the fact is this person isn’t what you thought as you weren’t to your married partner. You need to accept fact and not look for the fairy tale you assisted in misleading yourself to believe. You can’t turn off emotion in a second but the willingness to move forward holds people back more than actually moving forward. You need to stop holding on or trying to figure it out, the fact is that this will not blossom into anything and you need to be happy within yourself. Good luck and keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man
In 2008, I lost a very good job and couldn't find work for a while; I eventually lost all self-worth, pride, etc. With that came a very bad attitude. Anyways, I am still currently married to the mother of my two kids, ages 3 and 2, but am separated. She says since Jan., but I was still in the house until July. The problems started in 2009 when I got busted for almost cheating on her, and by that, I mean the bf of the girl called my phone before any sexual activities occurred. Anyways, she lost all trust and respect for me. I found out that she was also cheating on me in late June, for approximately 2 months. Her and that guy broke up for a period of a few months, whereas she dated someone else, but now she is back with guy #1. Now, we have been in constant communication since July, and not always regarding the kids. She has even asked me to do various things for her that any Joe can do, and I have questioned that idea in my head numerous times. I have been told by my associates that when I get my things in order, i.e. job, apartment, and car, that she will flow towards me. Will I be a consolation prize or because we are still married, will it be reconciliation? Is there going to be reconciliation, or is she done with me. She has threatened divorce, over a month and a half ago, and told me to pick up all my things that remain at the house, but nothing has come out of that. She won't even let me have any pictures of us, i.e. wedding. What is going on here? Thank you in advance for your help. Lost and Confused

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lost and Confused”,
There is a good chance that she just might come back to you when things are back in order for you, however, someone who isn’t willing to be by the side of their partner in marriage through good and bad times isn’t worth being with. As for her threats and lack of action in pertinence to you picking up your things, that could very well be in accordance with how well things are going with the next relationship she is in. Nonetheless, there is that issue of you cheating and almost engaging in sexual activity. That might have been something she isn’t over yet and could have catapulted her towards the relationships she has ventured into since. She needs time to release about her hurt other than finding new partners. I wonder if she was allowed to express how the betrayal and hurt felt without you trying to find excuses for your actions. These are things that are needed for healing. If you want things to be better than you have to be better and you have to come to her and put your cards on the table but only and I repeat ONLY after you allow her time and the opportunity to heal and express what’s within. Now there is no guarantees with results but I am very sure it will better than it is now. As for her asking you to do things anyone can do, don’t look too deep into that in hopes of finding something to hold onto. That’s a common misleading act people do. Look at facts and anything unclear, you ask for clarity. Try not to run with your hopes over facts. I know you wanted clarity as to where you would be a consolation prize or will it be reconciliation, and I hate to say it but without communication and healing, you are the consolation prize. You want it to be reconciliation and then honor her with opportunity to heal. Good luck and please keep me posted

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Can my marriage survive after there has been cheating? I want to earn my trust back because I have cheated on my husband once and although we agreed to work on it, it doesn’t seem like he is his same loving self. What can I do? Thank you. “Fighting for His Love”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Fighting for His Love”,
In a situation where distrust has emerged, one must allow the other person to heal in their own timely fashion. I understand that you want things to go back to the good times before you went and spread elsewhere but this will not be fully under your terms. You must allow your partner appropriate time for a healing within because although you appear to have better intentions now than when you were cheating but that doesn’t eliminate the hurt you husband felt. Communicate effectively and display love as much as you feel it. Things may not be the same but do not chase yesterday, make tomorrow great. Your focus should be being better and no more cheating. You should show love and work on making trust solid. Allow your husband a good healing time and let him let it out if needed. Communication will walk you through it all. Good luck and keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am wondering what happened with my marriage. We have been married five years and now it seems like we are just friends with benefits. I miss the romance, I miss the public displays of affection and I sometimes feel like just friends hanging out instead of husband and wife walking down the street. I want to do things but I don’t because I don’t want to be rejected by my own husband. What should I do? I miss the fire. Thanks, “Lady Bug”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lady Bug”,
Unfortunately some marriages slip as time passes and if not addressed early, this will spiral to a failed marriage. It is great that you see it early and you want to do something about it. I wonder if you’re financial situation worsened or has there been any other environmental or emotional factors that has maybe steered the attention from your husband. If this is the case then I think you should communicate and offer self as a partner with equal ability to assist. If that isn’t the case then express your concern but never in an accusatory manner but in the same loving concern you express here. Plan a romantic getaway that matches your finances, take a night to go out and learn more about each other, there is always something going on in people’s minds daily. If necessary take a night to romance him somewhere other than the bedroom, make a new spark and be spontaneous. Hug him in the middle of the street; confess your love like you never have. Remind him of what attracts you to him. Make him feel your love again, make love infectious and communicate through the entire way. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Monday, December 6, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Why is life so difficult? Let me try to get this out. My ex and I were together for five years before we broke up. I cheated because I assumed he was cheating and I was wrong and I always regretted it. He was hurt and I was hurt when I thought he cheated so I guess I understand what he felt. I regret it and he was willing to be friends with me even though I broke his heart. I can’t say anything bad about him. He even used to leave me notes before work telling me he loved me and what I meant to him and I miss that. Two months after we broke up I got with my current boyfriend and we have been together two months but things are good, the problem is that my current boyfriend does not want me and my ex to be friends so I had to stop the friendship. I regret that too now and I wish I didn’t do that. Now my ex won’t talk to me as I am trying to be his friend on the low. Should I keep trying to be his friend? I can’t help but keep thinking about him and I miss him so much. Thanks from Isabelle.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Isabelle”,
So you are on a role with hurting this guy huh? Let me say that I wonder if you really take his feelings into account. He sounds like a nice guy and for some reason there is something about him you want around but I don’t think you deserve it. You ask if you should keep trying to be his friend. Heck No, you don’t deserve his friendship. It did not mean anything to you that you did not take a stand for it. Now to offer it in a secretive manner only re-enforces your sneaky cheating ways. Two things here you need to think about, the first is the relationship you are in is fairly young, and so if you start out with secrets and sneaking around, and it will only grow and breed more deception. The other thing to think about is how your ex must feel after five years for you to cheat on him. For him to accept your friendship only to have that trampled on with his heart again must not sit well and you have to think about that for once. Life isn’t that difficult, you have to be a better friend and very honest in your relationships. Good luck with everything. Keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex wants me back, I want him back but I can’t get over his cheating. How do I know if he changed? He says the right things and I want to believe him and every time I think I am ready, I can’t get over his constant cheating ways. Help!! Thank you. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
One thing about Ex’s that must be considered is why are they ex’s. That is something often forgotten when people start to feel lonely or feel as if that’s their only emotional connection or some other pathetic excuse to lead back to the ex. In this case you have to consider this; the only way one can forgive and forget is to conquer the situation within. He can NOT help you get over his cheating ways other than never cheating again. This comes from you. Can you accept that it has happened? Can you accept that you are gambling and no matter what he says, it is not in stone that he will never cheat again? What has he done to work on his cheating ways? We are creatures of habit. People that have sex with different people usually do not shut it off in a blink of an eye. Depending on his level of cheating, a cheater takes work to stop cheating. Can you happily and I mean HAPPILY invest into that? The only way to be happy moving forward is if you can accept what he has done and both work on moving forward slowly. Do not pick up from where you left off, because that didn’t end well. This is anew, express yourself clearly, communicate strongly and you need time to make sure you have healed. Good luck, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have ex issues that just seem to come out every time I am about to date someone new. My ex girlfriend always finds a way to talk bad about me to the girl and then always end up saying “I know because I’m his ex” and it seems to work. It seems that I can’t move on because of her. What do I do? Thank you, Stuck In Time.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Stuck In Time”,
The unpopular case of the cursed Ex who can’t get over it. There always seems to be one out there that is more consumed with ruining you than enjoying them. This miserable, bitter creature is partially created by you but not your fault at all. Her entering your world unannounced and unwanted is NOT your fault and we need to start with that. You have to right to move on happily as she does. I can see why she is your ex. Nonetheless, there is things you can do, one you can forewarn others of her unannounced appearances, or you can try to keep you dates from within range from her until you and your date has established a more trusting ground and she learns you more for who you are by action than by your ex’s words. I’m not sure what state you are in but if this is considered stalking by law than you can consider legal action. I definitely would never stand for a miserable, bitter ex because I am more powerful in my world than that person ever could be. You need to see it that way and understand that your actions and your better preparation of this verbal assault can prevent this from occurring and if it does, you would have already established who you are and her corny, childish tactics would not be effective. She would hopefully fall back after failure and you can live your life worry free of the psycho ex. Good luck and keep me posted.

Well Mr. Lover Man,
Advise life is ruff, And nothing seems to get easier. What do you think if your ex wants you to help him and be in his life but there is no sexual relationship. There is bound but no commitment. He's older then I am has allot of responsibility and never has time to wine and dine me anymore.
Then you have a sexual relationship with someone for about a year and a half again no love no commitment and you wonder when and if you will get to that with this individual. My feeling grow strong his my age and has no kids the perfect candidate. But then Travels allot I know minimum about this individual but know that I have grown these feeling and try to keep then bottled up.
I meet people go out and nothing none of which I want. I feel that I am losing myself and will be alone and never feel warmth in my bed or have a man to hold. I know that there is no perfect man but where and how do I draw the line to move on and find my happiness. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Ok, there seems to be a lot going on that you are giving too much attention to. First thing, let’s look at the ex; I don’t see any reason for you both to even be in each others lives, especially if it hinders over helps. Why does he want you to help him and be in his life but doesn’t have time for you? I get the hint that either he cares just enough to tolerate you but benefits with your help or he doesn’t care enough to make time but knows you are easily swayed and will give in and help. Either way, this is NOT a good thing. Next let’s look at the sexual relationship you are having for about a year and a half and no commitment. You are investing feelings, whether expressed or not and you receive nothing you want other than a stiffing. Once again this is not a healthy situation. You can both put your cards on the table and communicate how you feel and what you want or you can understand you are being used as nothing more than a sex toy. There is no love for you there and nothing more than the one moment. You then mention meeting people and it appears to be some consolation prize for never winning what you want. The constant here is you, there has to be some inner digging to surface not just a more confident you but one which refuses to be used. The only way to draw the line is to understand the situation for what it is and not want it enough to take a stand against it. No one here seems to be going out their way to make you feel loved, NOT even you. Refuse to be used, take time to dissect you and understand what it is you truly want for you without users in your life. Good Luck, please keep me posted.