LADIES, THIS MIGHT BE WHY HE IS NO LONGER INTO YOU.

One thing that I always found interesting was the mythical notion about the power of a woman's vagina over men. This of course is a falsehood and women should be made very aware that your vagina does not possess special powers nor will it make someone stay with you.
The clear difference when men become attached to the vagina is more so the emotional attachment they have to you than the physical. Sex is sex in many instances and that is why someone can sex you and lose interest. There was not emotional bonding, nor the interest beyond your physical presence, and quite frankly, if all you offer is the physical, once that is obtained, why should someone stick around. The mission has been accomplished.
Here are some reasons why despite you thinking you have a super vagina, men may still not be into you anymore..

To start off, he probably was not into you as a person because he sexed you without knowing you, then as he started to learn who you were, he realized you didn't offer whom he wanted to build a foundation with.

The second reason is bluntly put that he just wanted sex and you obliged. Period. This is often when he probably found someone of more interest or was not looking for something out the bedroom and you hinted for more.

Maybe he isn't into you anymore because you nag too much. Cardinal sin: Nagging. One of the biggest turn offs is nagging and it doesn't get mentioned enough. Men tend to look at this as a female trait and although that is not necessarily true, this is usually what happens before he finds himself trying to hear sensible female voices elsewhere. The nagging is annoying and will lead him elsewhere.

Stop forcing him to so many functions he is not interested in. There should be a balance and a limit to how much he has to endure or you have to endure as well. If he doesn't go to Church, introduce him to it but forcing him will not get him a pass to Heaven. Find meaningful conversation about your beliefs that will show him the importance and have him open-minded about exploring a spiritual life or religious life. Don't try to force religion on anyone as this has been known to backfire and push him away. 

If you take long to shop, just say it and stop dragging him along and forcing him to feel like a third wheel even when it is only you both. Make the shopping trip an experience for you both, not just about your bags and shoes. This is something that can push a guy away.

If your family/friends gives him a hard time and doesn't like him, do not force them on him. Sometimes gradual moves are best and space works most. This discomfort can make him explore other options.

Another reason he may not be into you anymore is that he realized you aren't pulling your weight. Sometimes you are more expensive than you are proven and he feels like he is the only one shelling out cash. Had this been 100 years ago, that would be great but in this day and age, men expect an independent working woman who brings more to the plate than her vagina and being there are so many that bring much more to the plate, he has options.

One more reason he isn't into you anymore despite you having a vagina is that possibly, in your efforts to impress him, you were not being fully yourself and the real you began to surface and the real you is not what he is attracted to. Now being yourself does not mean to give too much information too soon because that too can be too much for him. He doesn't need to know how many partners you had or stories about your ex on the first couple dates, if at all. Sometimes he wants to know important events from the past but most interested in who you are today. Let time open ways to introduce bigger past moments. To save this event from ever happening, be yourself from day one. This is always best.

Ladies, you are amazing and there is someone out there for you.  Men need to work on themselves as well as you need to work on yourselves. Think about these suggestions. It will not hurt.

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ON THE BRINK OF AN AFFAIR

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been married for ten years and unhappy for the last six years. My wife & I haven’t had sex in the last two years and we pretty much continue this relationship because of our two children. I find myself wanting the companionship I am missing in my marriage. I want to kiss, hold and make love to someone and my wife isn’t an option. I have a friend that I have been spending a little time wife and she is in a marriage that is not providing what we need. Spending time with her has opened my eyes to what I am missing and although it is not sexual, the tension exists and our interests in exploring something more is common. I think about her all the time and I find myself wondering if I would be having an affair and that is something I do not want to do. I want to move forward but I know I am still married, help me please. From: Anonymously Unhappy

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymously Unhappy”,

Your length of time of unhappiness is quite lengthy and I am wondering how the communication is at home. I understand the conflict within but in order for you to feel great about whichever direction you choose to go, think about a few things. The first thing is, how effective of a communicator have you been lately? Are you clear that this marriage is over and is it beyond repair? The reason you need to know is because you can not make these decisions for you wife and you should always close one door before opening another. Should there be hope of making your marriage work, are you willing to do your part? When you address these questions and if you find yourself in a situation that directs you to move forward, you need clarity on where this women will stand in your world as opposed to her marriage. Do not give up your marriage for a woman that may never exit hers. Communication is your answer and until you answered these questions clearly, do not make the decision to abandon your marriage just yet. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am on the brink of having an affair and I am in need of help because I really love my husband. I have a male friend who makes me feel more alive and more passionate about myself than I have felt in quite a while. Our friendship is relatively new, about a year and a half and I really enjoy his company. He is in a relationship of his own but our flirting grows over time. I know I probably shouldn’t be doing it but it feels good when we are flirting. It makes me realize the thing missing at home. Give me some words here because I really am ready to make a move and I know I shouldn’t. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I always have a problem with these “friends” who claim to be a friend but have ulterior motives and the person in the relationship which knows better but engages in it anyway. First thing, he is not you friend if he knows very well that you are married and is trying to have his way with you outside of the friendship. Real fiends would not do so, especially that you have not claimed you had issues at home and were open about you really loving your husband. I think that the things you realize you are claiming to be missing at home should be worked on before you venture to try to find it elsewhere. You have to try and remember that your home is where you must work on always. The love exists but does the willingness to respect this love exist? Who are you in your relationship and are you willing to lose your home relationship to be a side-piece to a friend who is obviously only friending you for a piece of sex. All too often I have seen these situations where the person actually engages and either ruins the home relationship and/or realizes they risked something great only to be revealed as a quick piece of sex. The smart choice is to work on things at home, to communicate and to make sure you don’t just respect your relationship at home but when you are not home as well. You being on the brink of an affair isn’t so much about your friend, but more so about who you are. I hope you are better than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My marriage has lost its spark, it has been on the decline for quite a while and I don’t think either of us has had the guts to admit it out loud. My wife spends more time in a separate room and no longer embraces me as I walk in from work. The little things are gone and I find myself interested in other women at work. I get hit on quite often and have always been professional but I feel lonely in my own home. I feel like I need to seek love somewhere, as my wife has not shown me any. Thank you for your time. “Steven”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Steven”,
I think before you take this cop-out of an excuse, you need to exercise all options in your marriage. Have you tried counseling? Doesn’t sound like you have. Have you decided that it would be smarter to communicate out loud as opposed to assumptions and doing something stupid? The little things that have diminished have part of your responsibility on it. The fact that you felt this occurring and have not maturely addressed this shows that you played a part in its demise. Could this be saved? Of course it can, do you really want that? You do not need to seek love anywhere but home and should this mutually come to an end, then and only then should you seek love elsewhere. You are in a vowed marriage and for better or worse, you must stand by your promise to try and make this work and exercise all options. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.

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SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS & THE RESPECT YOU DO NOT GET

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need your help like yesterday. I am married but I got caught up into a relationship at work with a supervisor and now it’s beginning to affect my relationship at home. My supervisor doesn’t want more than sex but he is somewhat reckless with his communication and my husband is beginning to catch on. How can I ease my way out of the one at work & fix my relationship at home without ruining my chances of productivity at work? Respectfully Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mrs. Rock & a Hard Place”,

First thing is that in you search to slide your way out of sleeping with a supervisor, you neglect the disrespect and lack of regard to your husband. Your decision to cheat and lie has placed you in a situation with a supervisor who does not respect you as his actions show with his clear disrespect to your marriage at home as his form of communication is reckless. He does not care about whether you get caught or not because he has power over you and you are too weak to confront it. You rather risk hurting you husband who probably is supportive and loving than confront your supervisor about his blatant disrespect of your home. You are a weasel of the worst kind, however, there is a way to change this position you are in.

First thing you have to do is let your supervisor know the importance of your marriage (if that truly exists) and why the situation you have with him can no longer exists and anything outside of professionalism is on zero tolerance. If this is not something the supervisor will accept, any conversation further than that should be recorded without his knowledge. You will need to cover yourself as all too often, when the female the boss is screwing gets boring or wants to return home, it has been reported to not settle well with the power mongering boss.

Do something amazing for your husband, as a matter of fact, be amazing for you husband, more so for yourself and focus all the extra marital sex on your husband. You need to grow up and make mature decisions. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I feel played and humiliated at work. My boss is a dog and I fell into his chauvinistic ways. Here is my story: My boss came across as a charming man, someone respectful and always complimenting me. I really thought he was different and after a month of relations it seems like he is doing the same exact thing he did with me to the new girl and I am beyond livid. I can already sense how others are looking at me and I am humiliated. I want to confront him, no, I want to rip his head off and key his car but I can’t afford to lose my job. Please help me. Thank you, “Used”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Used”,

There is not much that can be done other than embrace the fact that he played you so now focus on moving forward. It’s not easy and I understand how humiliated you feel but ultimately you have to work in that environment and you need to do what you must to further educate yourself to qualify for a higher position and be the example for change. You can use your experience to help others; you can take what you have learned and move forward. Unfortunately this is too common at the workplace and something that will not just simply stop as the power given with title is abused in many ways. You will have to learn to protect yourself from further advances from males at the workplace as once it is known, usually others hone in to try and take advantage of what can be labeled the “easy girl”. You need to focus on why you were hired and what it is you have to do at work. Don’t try to be anything other than a hard worker.

It is known that 17% of women have slept with their bosses and only about 30% felt any type of benefit. Most of the time it is the boss using the position as a degrading means to sex whomever they feel will fall for it. You need to focus more on the best you and do not allow this dirtbag to determine your worth. Do not run from the topic and do not give him any other attention outside of the professionalism to co-exist. Other than that, never lose sight that he is a scum bag who is not in the department of change. You need to focus on being in that department. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am the President of a particular company and I find myself fantasizing about the secretary. I do not wish to be labeled as one of those with power who use this power to sleep around. I am a respectable man whom has taken strong pride in working my way up by sweat and lack of sleep. I am influenced to remain shy of engaging with those lower on the hierarchy of the work ladder by my peers. I am not one that has been known to become easily swayed by others but I can see how this looks. Is there anyway to approach this without being labeled and without causing a stir? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,

No, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and anyone who thinks otherwise is so far removed from reality, you should give them crayons to dram their next steps in life. The truth is that the labels are there, a secretary sleeping with the boss is never equal and never respectable. As long as one person possesses power over the other whether status or genuine power, there is no equality, which is why Doctors or Lawyers should never sleep with their patients/clients. One person has entered the relationship with more power over the other and this will forever remain as such. I don’t know what type of relationship you are seeking but do not mislead yourself or her. Should you choose to pursue this, do so for reasons genuine to self and never lose sight of who you are. Remain the President of the company that sweated profusely and slept little to hold a position to make a difference. Do not allow a situation like a work fling to destroy that. Good luck and please keep me posted.

MR. LOVER MAN ADDS:

Sleeping with the boss is something that has been age old. Far less has truly benefitted and often those that have, in some form or fashion has been labeled accordingly (ex: Monica Lewinsky). The best way to succeed is to earn it and never compromise who you are for a short cut that could end by keeping you labeled and forcing higher ups to never respect you enough to give you a chance for growth at work. Be the best you at all times because your work fling is not a secret, men at work talk more than women at work and that’s often because men at work feel they can. More men are at power and hold status in this world than women and that’s by a huge margin. 60& of men and 70% of women lose respect for you in that situation. Much blessings to all and earn yours off your back. Much respect.

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IS YOUR SEX HEALTHY?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love your blog site and I know you will answer straight up. I am trying to figure out if I have a healthy sexual relationship. What would you consider a healthy one? Samantha  :)

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Samantha,

Thank you so much for your kindness. A healthy sexual relationship entails of many components, I’ll gladly share with you some. First and foremost, both partners should feel pleased almost equally with the activities that are going on. Neither one should ever feel forced and unable to say “NO” when applicable. There should be a mutual respect before and afterwards where both parties can feel as if they weren’t placed in a situation of disgust. Trust is a strong component of a healthy relationship and both parties should feel safe in the arms of their partner’s sexual history and present activities. There can be an individual component that pleases a couple that they may determine “healthy” but these are general and applies in most instances. Hope this helped you and please keep in touch.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

What can be done to increase the sexual drive in my husband? He has issues with erection and is embarrassed about it. I will not let that make me cheat because he is the man I love and want. I am frustrated but I feel bad more than frustrated. Help us. From “Love without a limit”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love without a limit”,

It is said by the experts in the field that it isn’t much about the drive per say but whether the drive has ever reached its potential. Each person’s drive is limited and in every relationship differs. There are many factors as to why his drive may have diminished; stress, money issues, eating fried or greasy foods, long term smokers, and all sorts of emotional and physical conditions all play a part in the diminishing. I honor you for not bailing out and for sticking it through. It will get better and you will love it in the future. As treatment or intervention is injected in this situation for whatever the cause may be, the erection difficulty diminishes, the desire increases and a new confidence is formed. Do not pressure him where additional stress forms, only setting him further back. Instead, continue to be the supportive force you are and trust me when I say, when he finds his “mojo” again, he will give to you what no one has. Good luck with everything and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Is cybersex cheating? Is it unhealthy and how can I get my woman to accept it? She is against it and I love it. I think it offers ideas we can use in real life, she thinks only perverts do it and I want her to be more open minded. Thank you, Anonymous.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Cybersex being labeled cheating is something you have to discuss with your partner. I know many who would say it is and some who would feel it is harmless. I for one consider it cheating but like I said, your partner may not. You should open those lines of communication and respect how your partner feels. The best way to open her up to it is to allow her to experience it with you and walk her through how it turns you on. Tell her what it is you want to do to her and then proceed to doing so. Make it something visual for her to see what she will feel later on. It’s not impossible to get her to be more open but do not force it upon he, she is entitled how she feels as well. Importantly, it is a known statistic that spending 11 plus hours in a week on internet sex sites is a clear sign of psychological distress. At this rate online sex interferes with real sex and other avenues of life which can increase a strong risk of dependence to this cybersex world. Be moderate with you activities and never allow it to replace what you have. Good luck, keep me posted.

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RELATIONSHIPS: THE WRONG STUFF

Hi Mr. Lover Man,
How are you? I am not sure if you can help me. My story is like this. I'm 39 yrs old and I know this guy from I was 10 yrs old. I always liked him and we became an item in the 1990's. I was very active in my church and I did not have sex with him and we broke up. I am from a small island and I went back to my country in 1993 and got pregnant from an ex. The guy I'm talking about heard about it and thought I moved on and he moved on and got married. I came back to the U.S in 2004 & we hooked up & one thing led to another and we finally had sex, I got pregnant and have a 6 year old child. His family knows about it, but his wife has no idea he has an outside child. We have been seeing each other for 7 years & we are very active sexually. I really love him and he gives me the impression that he feels the same. But I am so frustrated with this whole situation & I want to leave but it is so hard especially sharing a child together. He has 2 boys with his wife and I have a daughter. I don't know what to do sometimes. I feel bad a lot of times knowing I did this to another woman, but he does not make it easy for me either. Any advice? & what do you think about this person who is keeping this secret (Love child) a secret. You are a Love expert, so I hope you can help me. :)
Anonymous
Thanks

 MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Sadly, people will be hurt because of this selfish and immature situation you find yourself in. Knowingly sleeping with a man who is married and without using protection is disgusting and makes me wonder if you were foolish enough to actually believe that something other than your situation would arise? I understand how these situations happen and although I do not personally agree with it, my personal opinion means naught. Let’s work on what’s wisest for the next step. Your frustration will continue to mount and you will continue to be a secret because you have allowed this. Keeping this a secret will hurt you child’s life for the years to come and revealing it will possibly destroy a marriage and ruin the situation you have with him. There is more so than not a chance that hurt is unavoidable. You have to weigh in what’s most important, your sex with this guy and your child remaining a secret (because you will never be anything more in his eyes) or to finally communicate with him that you both have to figure out a way to not take from the relationship the kids deserve to have with one another. Now be mindful, the hurt that will come from this can cause the boys from his marriage to despise you and your secret child but can ease with time. You have asked what do I think about a person who is keeping this secret, well my answer is the same way I think about the other person who allows this. You both have engaged in a selfish act and should consider righting this for the kid’s sake. You need to remove your selfish wants and finally inject the notion of doing the right thing and making the kids a public priority. I feel most sorry for his wife and her children who did not ask for this situation and whose life will forever be altered due to you selfishly disgusting act. I hope you finally decide to do the right thing and remove your sexual wants for what’s best for the child who has been a secret.
Good luck with everything and please keep me posted.



Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am dating someone who has broken up with his girlfriend of three years and he also has a one-year-old son.
They have only been separated for two months and he says she wants him back. I said maybe he should go back to her and try and work things out for the sake of his son, but he said he doesn’t want to because they don’t get along anymore.
He hasn’t told her about us yet properly because it is early in our dating life and he is not sure what will happen between us. At times I think he likes me a lot and then there are other times that I am not sure what’s going on.
I think he speaks about her too much and isn’t giving us a chance to grow.
I am not really sure how to handle the situation. Could you give me some advice?
Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

You are looking into this far more than you should. You guys literally just started dating and too many factors say you are going to rush into a broken heart. If you feel there is enough interest to pursue knowing him better than I say to get to know who he is. However, dating him at this point may be a bit premature in his getting over someone phase. I believe that time always differs for every individual but if he is constantly speaking of her while with you, then those alarms are going off that possibly he needs a little time. I’m not saying to completely dump the guy, but, I am suggesting that you express your concerns and pull back from him. You shouldn’t expect him to make the announcement to his ex about you so quick. That’s something that people make an issue about when it is not of great importance this early. The only time that would be of any importance is if you are taking a role in his child’s life. The territorial stance that people wish to pose by letting an ex know about their existence is childish and should not be a concern of yours at this stage what so ever. Focus on just getting to know him safely and do not move too fast. This situation may not be the right one right now if ever. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

It's been almost two years since my ex and I broke up. I am feeling lonely.

Recently I have been going through a very difficult time and all I want is to talk to him. I sit at home and think about my past and I just want to call him. We haven't talked to each other for a while now but the urge is really strong. I think that I am able to forgive him for cheating.
What should I do?  Help me please, Anonymous.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Never allow loneliness to make decisions that a clear mind wouldn’t make. One of the bigger reasons for entering the wrong relationship is loneliness and your email screams this. I understand that going through a difficult time can muster up old emotions and mislead self into thinking things that normally one wouldn’t but do not let this moment walk you into a world of repeated hurt. Remain focused on yourself and work on altering your thought process by reminding yourself why it is you are having these thoughts and how you deserve better. You haven’t been in contact with him in so long that you have no idea if this individual has progressed from being the cheater he was while with you. I think you should not engage with him in any form and chalk this up to those lonely thoughts and not some emotional connection brewing like out of some cheesy B rated movie. Please keep me posted, good luck.

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THE ATTRACTION TO THE MARRIED MAN/WOMAN

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My best friend seems to only date men that are attached. What’s her deal? She says she doesn’t mind being the one on the side but isn’t that sort of like stepping backwards? What is your take on this? She knows I’m sending this so please answer. Thank you from Janice.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Janice”,
There are many issues with this type of behavior and it could be one of many or a few of many. People tend to venture out to the “forbidden” property to boost their already low esteem. At times this is a false sense of accomplishment and other times, a bad breakup which brings fear to settle but still a need to be touched or feeling alone has rendered the individual to accept being an object of sex and nothing more. In many reasons it is an action that equals how they subconsciously feel about themselves. There are people that do it because they are greedy and selfish and are never satisfied with what they have and only seem to seek out for what others have and that spills into other people’s relationships as well.
Like a said, there could be a series of reasons, however, none are good and none are justified. If you wish to only deal with someone for sex, do it with single people. It is wrong and disrespectful to someone’s partner for you to inject your easily spread goods (or not so goods) because of one of the previously mentioned reasons. There comes a time in life when people need to be mature enough to think about others. This would be one of those times. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Mr. Lover Man what makes a man only seek married or attached women? Then act like a 2 year old when the married or attached women won’t be his beck and call? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
As people our common flaw is at one point we have all been attracted to someone or something we cannot have. If we go as far back as the story of Adam and Eve, you clearly see how Eve did what she shouldn’t, to have what wasn’t hers. It’s a common story throughout the course of time. I do admit that I can understand but do not promote. I do advocate monogamy, however, to each is own. Promise and commitment deserves respect in any form of life, most importantly in a relationship. The man you speak about has issues, and there could be many reasons why he seeks out the married woman. There is a perverted sense of accomplishment that the man feels when he engages sexually with the married woman. The reason they may act childish when rejected is because they are childish. Some men (people in general) tend to share this sentiment when it comes to rejection. People value the moment too much and do not realize that one moment is just that, one moment. You can appreciate it but live to make more of them. They hold on too much to rejection and it is pathetic. There could be various reasons but I’m sure they lie above. Thank you for the question.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I met this girl and I’m really feeling her. The problem is I’m not used to settling down. I always did the married woman thing and also did the next man’s girl thing. I’m used to that player life, you feel me? And now I met this one girl that kinda got me ready to step up but it’s hard to stop having fun. What would you do? Thanks. Player P.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Player P”,
Asking me what I would do makes no sense in this question because I’m not a “player” of any sort. However, I’ll speak on the surrounding issues here. I want to begin by saying that your reluctance to settle is a huge sign that you are not ready to move forward. Take your time. There is someone else’s emotion on the line and you have no right to play games with it. As for your proud “player” moment, I think you need to learn to search more of yourself as an individual. Your fear or unwillingness to settle down should be addressed. I’m not saying you should go settle down, but I am saying that you should search as to what causes this feeling to stay away from that. You may have thoughts of settling down because she is different in some fashion but if you met her under the “she belongs to someone else” thing, you really need to think that out before you get played “player”. I don’t promote your lifestyle and the way you glorify it is almost disheartening. If you feel you don’t want to settle down, then deal with someone who mutually only wants to engage on the same level without a third party victim who shouldn’t be living this unwillingly. You have to take a step forward in the maturity factor. Start with time seeking within. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a college student and my major is social work and in almost every class that brings up the subject of relationship, there is always numbers about married couples cheating. If I get married, how can I guarantee myself to prevent being one of those numbers? Sincerely, College Girl.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “College Girl”,
There are no guarantees. I know that is not the answer you wanted and anyone that says different is full of themselves to even pretend they can guarantee it. One can enhance ones chances on keeping a mutually respected and loyal relationship by communication, trust and honesty. The other components follow but those three are the most vital in any relationship, especially a marriage. Numbers are good in school and in postings but in real life, it’s about the individual. You have to be the best you and encourage your partner to be the best them. You must lead by example but be willing to also be a student at times. Life is not about those numbers. If you let them consume you, they can become your reality, you choose to be an individual and you are already ahead of the pack. Good luck and keep me posted.

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BOY MEETS GIRL, BOY KISSES GIRL, BOY LEAVES GIRL CONFUSED

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I had my eye on this guy for quite some time. He is a looker. Every time I laid eyes on him I wanted to throw myself at him. One day I sucked it all in and approached him, we spoke and he was such a gentleman. I felt like he was preoccupied at times but when he looked at me, I felt so beautiful. I gave myself to him and all of a sudden he is too busy and hardly returns my calls. What’s up with that? Why are men so inconsiderate and uncaring?
From Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
First thing, if you think men are so inconsiderate and uncaring, maybe you should ask yourself why is that you attract those types of men. You walked into this situation acting like he was water and you were stranded on a desert. In the very beginning there was an indication that something may be wrong with him being preoccupied and instead of trusting instinct, you walked with your eyes. One thing I wonder is when he looked at you did you feel beautiful because this guy you were lusting after looked at you are because you misled yourself to think it would be more? This often happens and then people place all the blame on the other person. You gave yourself up sexually in what probably is not his respectable viewing timeline and he probably was a scumbag who took what you offered and was no longer interested. As cruel as that may sound, it is real life and you need to carry yourself a bit more respectable and learn someone before you let them dive into the ocean. Verbal and non verbal body languages are key in knowing where he would have stood. You can’t blind yourself to the point that you compromise the better you for a moment. You can try to communicate how you feel and what it is you wish but you have to be honest with yourself and prepared to accept his truths. In actuality, at this point, his silence has spoken volumes. Good luck, keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My friends think there is something wrong with me because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Is that really a bad thing? I mean I know I haven’t been doing exactly the best when it comes to meeting guys. I give too much too fast and then they lose interest. How do I change that? Lots of thanks, Melissa


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Melissa,
Giving your all isn’t a weakness, but the timing can be. It’s good that you are a good person but one thing is that when you are in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, you have to always be cautious. You have to embrace this as the “learning phase” and not the “what can I do for you phase”. A key is to not go too far from who you are and where your life is for another. Stay in your comfort zone, don’t enter his just yet. Make him earn that with displayed interest. Being caring isn’t something I expect you to turn off, but the steps to allowing someone in your world can be altered. Life is yours, make it that way. If he has interest, he will allow himself to be paced respectfully. You have a made a life without the next guy, don’t abandon that to try and make him smile. Your world should be part of why he smiles. Be smart, learn him. Good luck, keep me posted on your next endeavor.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I get a man to open up from the beginning? I feel like by the time I do, he is ready to walk. What is it men want besides sex? I meet men and it never lasts and I’m going to be in my 30’s soon and I would like to find the right one. Thanks for the help. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Comfort brings comfort and in trying to seek that you just have to be yourself and if he isn’t comfortable with you being you then it’s on to the next one. As for what men want outside of sex, the first thing is an open minded woman that knows that a real man doesn’t want just sex. Another thing that isn’t so known is that men focus on the activity that produces emotions instead of emotions that produce activity and that’s why it seems men are into only sex. Men want women that know what they want and are independent without being bitter. Men want a confident woman who isn’t trying to challenge his manhood but empowered by her womanhood. Men want a partner and not a constant instigator or interrogator. Being competitive is cute but men don’t want to always compete, they prefer support emotionally and a partner. Men can confuse intensity with intimacy at times and good men aren’t afraid to lead when needed, but will also take charge at other moments. As for your age issue, do NOT ever compromise because you feel a clock is running out. You are still very young and as a young adult, you have time to seek within and see more of yourself to surface that will attract good men. These other guys you can’t keep cant only be their fault and you need to self analyze before you go men shopping. The key to finding Mr. Right is by being yourself and being the best you, which is Mrs. Right. Good luck and keep me posted.

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UNWANTED: THE EX.. $0 REWARD.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend gives me signs that she isn’t completely over her ex. She talks about him when we are watching movies. She will bring him up and say “Oh we did this before” and she still texts/calls him daily. She claims they are friends but this is everyday and I’m very uncomfortable and losing feelings. What should be my next move? Thank you for your advice “John”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “John”,
This is where communication and true expression of your feelings are a must. Sit her down, do not wait until it happens again but sit her down and express your feelings about the situation. I never see the relevance of calling and texting an ex daily. That is a clear sign that there still exists feelings that can threaten your relationship, however, this also shows that your partner may not be ready to be in a committed relationship. These are things you have to clearly express. You should not be subjected to having to “live with” her ex every day of your relationship. That’s not fair and it is not healthy for the progress of your relationship.
The thing that gets me about these situations is that you have went on quietly without expressing yourself that it is almost like you indirectly condoned the actions. Do not forget to tell her what this is doing to your feelings in this relationship. You both have to make a mature decision about where you both stand. Maybe she feels it is ok and will not budge on the topic. If that is the case then you need to make a decision that will make you happy. Weigh out the options but never compromise your happiness. The ex is the ex and you are the current. I think it is nice if people can break up and remain friends but daily calls and texts are absurd. That isn’t healthy at all. Stand firm but caring in your stance. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not feeling good about the situation I’m in. My man and his ex are hanging out once a week and always chatting it up on Facebook and whatever else they are doing. At first I tried to overlook that because I’m not a jealous type of lady but it’s going too far. When my ex contacted me to be friends, my man was not happy so I cut ties. He won’t even cut his for me and I feel like he still loving his ex. I don’t like this and don’t want to come off like I’m jealous, what do I do? “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
Often when you have a feeling that something is going on, it just might be. When your partner worries about you and your ex being friends, which gives a clear sign that they worry something may happen because of how possible it could happen with him in his situation. You need to stop him in his tracks and talk to him. You have the very right to express your feelings, not in an accusatory manner, but in the matter of concern and to allow your honest feelings to surface. Do not worry about coming off jealous because as long as it is your honest concern and feelings that you are explaining then any civil individual would understand. One of the biggest cancers to a relationship is the relationship of the ex-boy/girlfriend. Good luck and keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m confused about where I want to be. I am starting to have feelings for my ex again. Ever since she reached out to me on FaceBook and we have been chatting, I feel like we can get past the things that broke us up. She has been trying to get with me but I have a girl. I told her this and she really is making changes to make it right. I love my girl but I still love my ex. Now I don’t know who I really want. My question is, how will I know which one is the one I want? “Mr. No Name”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mr. No Name”,
This confusion you claim is entirely your fault. When one of both of these females becomes hurt, it is entirely your fault. The problem with many people (you included) is that they assume that moving on to another relationship is the key to getting over the last one and it is not. You should have either made the final attempt to fix things with your ex or took sufficient time to get over it before you entered another relationship. The notion that you have allowed your ex back in to make these attempts, even though you are involved makes you some off like an inconsiderate asshole. Have you no care for you current partner? One should never allow the chase of another when in a committed relationship. You should have remained as firm as you wished your partner to be in the same situation had the roles been reversed. Now you have to own up to these actions and step forward honestly to your partner and tell her where you stand. You asked how will you know, well you wouldn’t have to ask if you knew, which clearly shows that it is you that isn’t ready for the committed relationship. You may need more time to settle things within before you invite someone into your world for inevitable heartache. You have to be honest first with self and then to the others. This situation is going to hurt someone, it is best to step forward now before the hurt deepens. Good luck, keep me posted.


Signs that your partner isn’t over the ex: One good sign is that they keep mementos to always reminisce out and to always hold on to. It is not healthy if your partner has these mementos posted publicly while in another relationship. Those are definitely red lights going off. Another sign is the increase of contact, which is not something that should be happening, especially while in a relationship with another. There are other signs such as saying their name when speaking to you, over usage of the ex’s stories or the comparison’s of the ex with you or anyone. Someone unwilling to talk about the ex at all is also a sign that they are not over the ex. Some people avoid the discussion people they can’t bear to talk about it without feelings arising.


Do not accuse or assume, instead express concerns of your personal feelings. This can always be worked through if both partners are committed to making it work. This can and will only work with communication. Allow your partner to feel as if this isn’t your feelings against them but instead it is you reaching out to work on this together. Take time to learn the next person as an individual and not as the person the ex is or isn’t. Let time work for you and stop thinking it’s against you. Be cautious and patient, be honest and caring but always be you. Good luck to all and never let the next suffer because of the ex. Learn the individual.


Mr. Lover Man’s words..
The case of the Ex vs. the Next is so old yet so cancerous in too many relationships. People tend to run to another relationship to attempt to ease the heartache of the last one and it only causes confusion and misleads the partner. It is always best to take time to work within and let one’s heart heal before one misleads self and others to thinking the next situation is as purely perceived as it should be.

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JEALOUSY & POSSESIVENESS: THE SIBLINGS OF DESTRUCTION

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am really having a dilemma, I want to get rid of this very clingy guy but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. How should I go about it? He creeps me out a little bit with the way he goes from sweet to upset in a second over small things. He calls too much asking me too many questions and always wants to take me to places that I have to go. HELP! “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
This sounds like there was a progression of possession here. I’m very sure there were signs because there always are. However, what happens is many women tend to think a little jealousy is cute and even goes along way but when you nurture that jealousy just like anything else, it grows, and in this case it grows to creep-ville. The first thing I want you to do is remain calm and honest. That is very important and when confronting this individual about the choices you are making, make sure someone(s) are in the area. Possessive and jealous people have been known to use physical force to attempt to defy the end when their words can no longer do so. His flip flop in emotions can mean many things, could be mental illness but also could be an out of control abuser waiting to be surfaced. Either way, you know you want out and you must stick to that. Now, you do not have to be mean, being firm and honest isn’t equivalent to being mean. If the calls persist and other things grow without him getting the hint, you must contact your local authorities because you can not underestimate someone in a possessive or jealous rage. Please be safe and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am not the type to argue or complain but my man is the only person to have brought it out of me. He never allows me to have a point of view and I am beginning to feel like he is abusive. He never hit me but he over talks my ever idea and no longer lets me live my social life that I always had. I love him but things changed. He really is possessive and I don’t like feeling like a prisoner. Save our relationship Mr. Lover Man. Thank you. “Mary”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mary”’
That is views as a form of abuse. You have the right to feel that way. In any situation in life, when you feel discomfort you MUST mention it and say so in the very beginning. Ignoring or forcing yourself to tolerate is the quiet way of accepting and saying its ok. In this situation it is NOT ok. A possessive partner is not a safe partner. You must remember that you are not his car, sofa or television and that you also have time and emotion invested in this relationship. There is a union and partnership that must be respected, if not, it has failed. You have to express these hurts and you have to express what you miss. Remind him who you are in his life and your position by his side, tell him you are willing to fight enough that you recommend therapy or professional intervention. People can’t turn of jealousy and possessiveness overnight. This is something that has been growing for quite some time and you need to end it asap. You have to tell him the importance of your social life and the importance of him having one as well. You do not want him to be dominating. There is a difference with masculinity and possessive. They do not have anything to do with each other. I need you to be truthful and expressive. If he is unwilling to make accommodations and seek help then you need to consider the harsh realities. One is that there is a great (almost guaranteed) chance that he will always do this, he will end up hitting on you and/or verbally abuse you to the point that he owns you because of diminishing esteem. You need to determine your value, not him. You need to take one final stand for this relationship. If he won’t, then you walk away. Good luck and please keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My wife just changed on me like a chameleon. She went from affection and love to jealous and psycho. All I did was put a ring on her finger. Now she acts like she owns me. I have lost my own time because of this. She wants every second of my life. I need a breather, the marriage is worth fighting for and I love my wife but this is pushing me somewhere. Give me some tips so I turn this frog back to my queen. “Rob”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Rob”,
Your wife probably displayed slight hints of this and you may have tolerated it, blinded by the good. It happens too many but now that you are not only bonded by the heart but by law, it makes the sense of urgency a bit more. You need to honestly sit your wife down respectfully and honestly express your feelings about this. Ultimately there has to be ground made and she has to be willing to make changes because your marriage and the happiness that should have accompanied it depend on it. She may not even realize the costs of her actions and you don’t need to throw ultimatums in her face but just honestly express how it is affecting you. Let her express herself and her willingness to make changes, if she isn’t willing to then you have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to take before you walk away for good. Happiness is yours, never throw it away in an unhealthy relationship. Good luck and keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If my boyfriend loves me why does he talk down to me? I stay at home, I cook, clean and do things a girl should. I don’t understand why he has to treat me like I’m not doing my thing. What should I do to make him understand? “Anonymous”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous",
Disgustingly, he does this to criticize so you can feel bad about yourself. This is to destroy your self esteem. The rationale (although pathetic) is that If you don't feel good about yourself then you will believe that no one else truly wants you for you. Then he has opened the forum to remind you how much he loves you or to impress upon you that you are lucky to have him so you never run off. This can turn to fear and a loss for inner self to the point that you end up believing that crap. He wants to dominate and own you; he wants to crack your will and your sense of independence so that you depend on him. You have already accepted the gender roles of what you believe a “girl should do” instead of having a partnership. You need to nip any down talk in the bud and remind him that he is to never speak to you like this. You are not his property, you are his partner and if he chooses to want property, you must remove yourself from this situation. These situations only lead to violence and every form of abuse. When words no longer have an effect, possessive and jealous men result to fist and feet. Please be safe, honest and firm. You are worth more. You must believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.


SOME KEYS TO SPOTTING THE POSSESSIVE OR JEALOUS PERSON
If their opinions of how you look are always condescending or in doubt.
Putting you down constantly.
Over excessive calls and/or always asking your whereabouts and the next move you make.
Always injecting self to take you everywhere you have to go.
Lack of esteem or outlook. Always in a bind (often fake) to make you run to his aide.
Angered about minor things way too often.
Doesn't communicate well but chooses to debate or argue instead.
 
Please be careful and never assume another person's position. Don't assume one day he/she will change, you must demand it and you must make sure you see it, if not you must evacuate the relationship. Good luck. Thank you for reading.

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ONLINE DATING: HYPE OR HOPE? KNOW THE RULES.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'm in an online situation with this guy and he wants me to travel quite some miles to meet him but I'm not comfortable. I really like him and we chat for hours daily, but for some reason this isn't feeling good. WHat do I do? Ms.Travelocity
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Ms. Travelocity,
Your instinct may be picking up something you are ignoring and you should trust your instinct. Have him some to you. I have included with this post a list of must follows for Online Dating that in my opinion not only keeps you safe but also cuts out the unqualified. Good luck and please read further, you will see what I mean. Keep me posted.

DEAR MR. LOVER MAN,
Is it bad that I'm looking for love online? My friends seem to think so. What do you think? Thank you from "Seeking Truth"
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Seeking Truth",
The fact of the matter is that 20% of successful relationships started online. There is a hughe phenomenom with online dating but many things to consider when dealing with this. Not everyone is a pervert but on the flip side not every charming quote is backed by a respectable man. I included some good rules to follow to get you rolling and into a better online situation. Good Luck and please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man’s Online Dating Rules for Women to Follow



Post a clear photo without criticizing yourself, men are tired of the need for validation from every guy online. Just post it and say nothing, let them do all the talking. Real men see through the desperate attempt to have tons of men make you feel good.


NEVER reply to opening lines that are clearly hitting on you, these are cheesy, lame attempts often copied and pasted to a series of women. Have some class if you are looking for something other than online chat.


Immediately block someone over sexual, over annoying or over intrusive. Not doing so gives a message to others that it is ok to do so. Set limits, even in the online world, it’s never “Just Twitter, FaceBook, E-Harmony” etc. There are physical people pushing those buttons, take it as such.


Do not offer your real name or real email that you do business or have family involving with. Have an alternative that means nothing but access to social sites.


Do not appear desperate and do not offer self after seeing a picture, chances are you are not the only one and will be treated accordingly.


Do not reply to emails in 5 minutes. Give it some time to reply, take a day or so and think clearly what you want to convey as your message of you. You have time; it isn’t like you are face to face.


Online dating can be as dangerous as picking up a stranger in the club. You do NOT know what you are really getting so act safe in every step. If you do meet someone, please make sure someone(s) knows your plan and if they alter, Call or text someone to let them know.


Never spend hours straight on your social site; it gives a message that you have nothing else going on in your life. Visit often but in shorter spurts, give a little and watch you receive a lot. Women who chase men online appear desperate and only offering sex, do not fall into this stereotype unless it is true; in that case, good luck. If this is not the case, let yourself be chased a little more. Now clearly this is not saying do not go after what you want, just don’t throw your all without even knowing anything other than a picture and a quote. Take time to learn, take time slowly to open up other avenues of communication.


Another lame and I mean super lame thing to do is to talk about how good your sexual performance is publicly or in your profile. No one will ever say “wow I can take her serious”, but will say “I wouldn’t mind trying that for a moment”. Or even just think you are an attention seeking idiot. Avoid that mess at all costs.


Do not settle for the type of men you don’t like because you are just bored and chatting online. Stay true to yourself always; this is you giving you despite it being behind a computer.


If he does not respond to your email after 3 or 4 days, he clearly isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. That’s a sign to evacuate.


Importantly, if you are being humorous, clearly let that be known as in text form, words can be misconstrued.


Do NOT and I repeat, do NOT lie about your size or job function. These are two turnoffs knowing they will find out. Camera angles used to hide your size or other things are tricks to lure people in that you do not think would if you didn’t. That shows your weaker side. Be true always, it doesn’t matter whether online or not, be true always. They will always find out one way or another anyway.


Chatting with a lot of men at once can turn off your Mr. Right. It’s ok to have conversation but once pet names and offers with dozens of men occur, a real man won’t stick around but knows he has someone out there willing to give him more attention.


NEVER risk your safety for the sake of a date. Let it always and I mean always be on your terms and your safe grounds. Do NOT travel miles to a place you never been with a man you never met. Let him come to you, in a hotel, meeting at a public place on your terms ALWAYS.


Please check out dome other interesting blogs I thought would peak your interest.


http://www.onlinedegree.net/10-true-online-dating-horror-stories/


http://www.topdatingsites.com/blog/2011/10-ways-to-prepare-for-chat-roulette/

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DATING: THE DO'S AND THE DO NOTS

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I was on a first date with this guy and I felt bad when he slightly checked out other woman. Do I have that right? I mean it’s only the first date.
Thank you from “Eyes Focused”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Eyes Focused”,
You darn right you have the right to feel what you did. People do not realize that you took time out your life schedule to take some time to get to know this guy and if he cannot show the common courtesy but to give you the equal attention then he shown where his interest lies. You need to think real clear if this is the type of individual you may want to pursue more time with. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it right to have sex on a first date? I went on a date with this hot girl and all I could think about was getting between her legs. I can’t even say I can recall most what she said. Had I went for it, would it have been ok? I feel like I missed an opportunity here. Thanks man. Anonymous Male.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous Male”,
You are the poster boy for who a girl should NOT bring home to their mother and the reason many of us men are in the stereotype we are in. Thanks for absolutely nothing. With that being said, I would like to mention that in your immature sexual focus, you could have missed out on key cues and words that could have told you a lot more about this woman in your presence. Not only did you give her the perverse dog side of you but you never let the best you shine. You have most likely limited the chances of probably being with an amazing woman. Your inability to focus for a short period of time on a woman who is giving you the opportunity to learn her and to learn you shows your immaturity levels are in its prime. The focus isn’t always your penis, you need to utilize the other head and offer more of yourself and appreciate the other things women offer. Good luck with growing up and please keep me posted.


HERE ARE SOME  IMPORTANT THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN GOING ON A DATE
 
Mr. Lover Man’s Dating Do's



1. Be on time, first impressions are important on both ends. There will times a nice waist and cute face just won’t get you anywhere and testing a man’s patience on the first date is definitely one of them. It shows responsibility and interest into having this first date.


2. Make your appearance one that stands out. This doesn’t mean dress like Cinderella for the ball, but something that shows you took some time and consideration into this moment and take note if he has done the same.


3. Ask questions and pay attention to answers, show that you are paying attention by periodically commenting or later on bringing up a response about his favorite movie or book. It pays off big time.


4. Give information but not too much. This is the first date and you cannot scare him off with stories about the men you slept with or the ex’s who have shattered you or whatever the case. Be interesting and be honest, but, do not and I repeat do not overdue it. That has been known to be a killer in the dating scene.


5. It is nice to compliment your date’s looks, especially if they took time and effort into getting themselves together for this date. It is really a rewarding feeling when acknowledged for the time and energy put into assembling the outfit. (It scores points)


6. Have a positive attitude and only be in environments of comfort. This is the first date and you need to make sure you can enter your zone at any time comfortably and exit respectfully if need be.


7. Importantly, date people who you like more than your friends like. Do not always date your friend’s type, it will breed resentment and ultimately this failed date may be associated with that friend. Date who you like to date because it is you on the date, not your friends.


8. Think ahead about a plan b for the date. The male may or may not have a plan for the date but things can always go wrong against anyone’s will and that’s ok. It happens, but, have a plan b and if appropriate, it’s ok to make suggestions. Or even work together on the suggestion (even though it was your plan all along).


9. Be very honest if the date is not going to lead to another one. The duck and avoid is not only childish but breeds bad karma. You really want to be mature and get into the habit of a more responsible person. Now that is something that men find attractive. Be honest, respectful and be sincere, but do not be mean about it.


10. Think clearly about dating before you do so. Try to be open-minded because often we think we know what Mr. Right is and we don’t. Try to enjoy moments when dating occurs and weigh things out after. You have the right to be happy.


Mr. Lover Man’s Dating Don'ts


1. Being late is a huge negative. I don’t think I can emphasize this enough. In the event of a real situation out of your control then be responsible enough to call and apologize while explaining ahead of time. Being late is just plain rude.


2. Do NOT check out other people on the date. Those that ever told you stupid silly idiotic things like “it’s ok because he isn’t your man anyway” should high five their own faces. First thing, that is just a huge turn-off, it shows no sense of self style and you have removed all notion of any seriousness about yourself that you may have expressed. You should be respectful enough to give enough attention to the person who has volunteered to give their time and attention to you. Trying to be slick can end a date real quick. It is really a date killer. Be courteous.


3. Do not continuously date the same type of people who continuously hurt you or play you for a fool. If you want a bad boy, then remind yourself that you will get bad boy things done to you. (Not generalizing, just making a great example). You have to pull away from the things that lure you into weak traps to receive the same nonsense you always do. Be willing to really invest in finding someone who is compatible when you least expect it.


4. Do not overanalyze! This is a killer on first dates and when one forgets that it is just one date and often they don’t enjoy themselves. Please remember it’s just the first one and you are to have a good time. I know you may be looking for Mr. Right but that process takes time, for now take advantage of a potentially great moment and enjoy it. Laugh, smile, enjoy and learn.


5. Do not lie to your date about events or people in your life. These things ultimately come to surface and then sprinkle doubt on everything you say/have said. How sad it would be to ruin what could be an amazing relationship because of some lie used to try to sound cooler than you think you are when you are more than enough.


6. Do not assume good looks with safety. Do not be lured into any environment or situation you are not comfortable with. Allow yourself to text or call updates periodically with friends while on your bathroom breaks (two breaks are fine). Make sure your phone is charged before the date and carry an extra charger in your bag/purse. You just never know who this is you are on the date with, no matter how attractive he is.


7. If you want to sleep with him, DON’T. That is not negotiable. Unless you are looking for just sex or a one night stand, sleeping on the first date will not give off a message of anything other than that’s what you do and immediately puts him in the position to treat you as such. You can’t have a dating plan that ends with sex on the first date when he doesn’t even know you, so obviously he doesn’t really like you other than what you look like.


8. Do not get drunk. For many obvious reasons but most of all because you need to carry yourself respectfully when getting to know someone as they are getting to know you.


9. Do not give too much personal information on the first date; whatever information was exchanged to set the date up is good enough until you get to know this person better. Do not rush into knowing this person, as rushing can lead to overlooking and that leads to heartache and disappointment.


10. Absolutely, positively NEVER date a married person. That is just absolutely ridiculous and according to statistics you are only going to find a whole bunch of heartache, headache and problems you do not need. If someone is married but separated, you need to know where this separation is leading to. If it’s in doubt then you do not go further. You need someone who can focus on you and not on maybe you and maybe the wife. That’s absurd and shows low esteem, one which the married person will pick up on and utilize against you.

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LOST AND CONFUSED.. REPEATING THE CYCLE

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My life is in circles and I don’t know where to turn to. I find myself attracted to the wrong people over and over again. I keep dealing with the tough street person knowing they are no good and they end up cheating on me or talking to me any way they feel they can. I love the aggression at times but not directed to me in a negative way. My friends tell me I am better than them but they physically turn me on. I would like a man who is successful but they don’t seem as tough as these street guys and I need my man to be tough. What should I do because constantly ending up hurt and alone isn’t what I want? Thank you. Circles.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Circles”,
The need for a man to be “tough” gives off the a message that you need a protector of some sorts or maybe someone who can deal with you because you may be difficult at times, however, whatever the case, I see that you have limited yourself when looking for any man to fill those shoes. You said successful men do not seem to be tough and I counter with, you obviously do not know many successful men. It takes a level of toughness that many do not have to be successful. Maybe you are attracted to the street person because you feel inferior to the success type. The root of the problem is you for sure and you can’t complain about something you knew would happen, that’s gets old and tiring fast. Often we avoid what we aren’t used to or won’t venture past our comfort zone because the fear of rejection is more possible. When this occurs, failure is almost a guarantee. You have to want more for yourself, enough that you past your comfort zone and venture into new worlds of possibilities. Don’t take this as a date-a-man-athon because that’s not what I’m saying, I’m saying that you need to dig within and place yourself in better situations so it can open you to a better opportunity with better men. Good luck and please keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I think my husband tries to play me for an idiot. Every time we argue he tries to confuse me by bringing things up that are so off course and I just don’t know what to say so I walk away. It upsets me because I feel like he enjoys these arguments or enjoys trying to win them. Whatever it is it confuses me. What should I do? “Married & Confused”


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Married & Confused”,
In a manipulative relationship there is a need of imbalance of power and that usually favors the manipulator. In this case these arguments that often confuse you can be a key to keep power in his grasps. However, you walking away gives you a false sense of control of your action because it was you that stormed off but in reality, he forced that and knew it would happen as it is a repetitive action. The manipulator (your husband) may have you think you have control but it is he who controls that situation. You need to express these concerns to him and before you see the argument arising, immediately inject yourself firmly and eliminate the power by letting him know you know what’s going on and rather talk like mature adults. Showing awareness of this manipulation will often break you free from his manipulating, deceptive ways. This just may be what he is accustomed to as a person, if this continues then this will need to further be addressed with professional help as this can destroy your relationship. Good luck and keep me posted.






Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Hi Mr. Lover Man, I need your help please... I met this guy because of we were introduced by our mutual friend. He just vacationed in Indonesia for a few weeks (He’s a Dutch guy). We had a blind date and he said that he likes me and he told me everything about him. That he's a divorced man because of his wife was cheating on him. And the next day we have spent day together...we holding hands, kissing and slept together (but we didn’t having sex). He just too sweet with me. And then a couple days later he went out to Bali for next vacation, he's there for 3 weeks. But we keep contacted each other. But when he's in vacation he said that he's not ready for any relationship because he can't trusted any women due to his last relationship, but he said he like me and he needs time.
And after he's back we just met once. We had dinner and long conversation about some stuff. We're not talking about this relationship because I’m afraid of it and it's too earlier. He still had 4 days before he flies away to Holland but in the end of that day he said that he doesn’t want to see me again. Cause he doesn’t want to make everything difficult for us. He left me but still contacting me until now.
I can see that he had a very, very bad trauma about his wife cheating, and he doesn’t want had any relationship ever. But, unfortunately, I’m in love with him....I know it's weird but I do. I just don't want to hurt him anymore. But I don't know what I should do to make him trust me and at least open his heart for me. He's afraid if he falling in love again he could be hurt again. What should I do now? I just don't know what to do... Thank you Mr. Lover Man. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
There a couple things here that stand out and I think you are misleading yourself to avoid. One is that the constant message is that he does not wish to venture into a relationship and that he is not ready. The problem here is you give off the impression as if you think you can make him ready and that is something he has to heal from, not something like a gift that you can offer. He is clear with his message and you should not mislead yourself. If you enjoy his company and wish to continue to have it, you have to be honest with yourself as to what the situation is and embrace that without giving yourself away to something that has the chance of not growing. As far as you making him trust you, there isn’t much you can do than to just be yourself if you are truly a trusting person. There is no tactics and methods, or even an act in order to show that you are a trusting person if that is who you truly are. Just simply be you. At this point, it is ok to express self but not overstepping his position. If things start to get intimate, you have to ask where you guys stand because I know you need to protect your heart as well. None should mislead self or the other. Make communication the reason you guys either healthily move forward or safely move apart. Good luck and please keep in touch.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
3yrs ago today, I told my longtime off and on again Boyfriend that it was over and I haven't been the same since. I consistently keep choosing the wrong man. There are good men for others, but not good for me or even to me. Matter of fact, they have all chosen to give their attention to others while they were with me! Getting to know other women and putting me on the sideline. When I have addressed it with all of them, they tried to make it seem like I was crazy. But yet they are now seeing these women therefore just proving me right.
I know I'm the constant in this situation, but I truly don't know how to address it. I'm tired of talking to my single friends because they are in similar boats (unhealthy relationships). I have also tried talking to my step and god brothers and male friends but that goes nowhere fast since they all tell me the same thing "they are jerks and not worthy of you". But it happens again and again. I've changed where I'm meeting folks, opted for different types and all walks of life. But again, I am the constant! So I have recently deduced that I am not "relationship healthy" and this is now sending all my loved ones into a frenzy. You see, I'm in my 30's, engaged twice but never married and I have no children, alive that is. Which is the other issue. My mom has recently started on the "I want to be a grandmother" kick and it just makes me constantly think of my would have been 19yo daughter (No names). It started when my cousin’s daughter (born after mine) who was also named (no names) found out she was pregnant with her second child. But I digress.
My loved ones are screaming at me telling me that I'm crazy for thinking that it's my fault that these guys are all doing the same thing. But umm hello!!!! I am the Constant!!! Everyone feels that I am giving up. But I feel like I'm choosing to focus on my life, my joy and my happiness. But it's very hard especially when dealing with the fact that I am an only child and I know it hurts my parents that I haven't settled down or had a baby yet. The holidays made it worse with all the family photos reminding me that my lil one isn't here. I've joked and said that I was going to a sperm bank and my mother is now pushing that. But who wants to do it alone? I'm not financially ready to do it alone number one. And do I want to pass on this unhealthy relationship thing that I seem to have? Kids pick up on these things and I would try my best to show them how to be a lady and how to love a lady. But I can't teach them how to be a man or how to love a man. I have a lot of love inside me just dying to come out. I spend most of my time counseling others on their marriages and rekindling the fire. But yet, I'm so lost and I just don't know what to do about my situation. Any suggestions?
Lost




MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lost”,
Understanding you’re the constant is one thing and avoiding addressing the problem is another. You said that every man has given their attention to another, but before this even occurs, something is going on that isn’t mentioned here and that’s what needs to be addressed. The men get with you because obviously there is attraction there but something diverts their attention away and I am NOT saying its right but I’m saying that’s what needs to be addressed. We all have or had something that pushed/pushes others away and unless we address it, it will continue to do so. An easy cop out is “oh then they weren’t meant to be” but in reality we do lose good people by not addressing that. As for your family, I know all too well about the parents that want to be grandparents but this is about you right now. You do not reproduce life because of the need of another. You must know when you are ready and then make sure this is a decision that you will permanently be happy with. There is no return receipt on children. Do not feel lost in these life choices, start with the inner self and take time healing. There may be a need for professional help which I often recommend because the results are favorable. You have the right to be happy in every avenue of life; the best way to achieve that is happiness from within first. Best wishes and please stay in touch.

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