Showing posts with label partners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label partners. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

LADIES, THIS MIGHT BE WHY HE IS NO LONGER INTO YOU.


One thing that I always found interesting was the mythical notion about the power of a woman's vagina over men. This of course is a falsehood and women should be made very aware that your vagina does not possess special powers nor will it make someone stay with you.
The clear difference when men become attached to the vagina is more so the emotional attachment they have to you than the physical. Sex is sex in many instances and that is why someone can sex you and lose interest. There was not emotional bonding, nor the interest beyond your physical presence, and quite frankly, if all you offer is the physical, once that is obtained, why should someone stick around. The mission has been accomplished.
Here are some reasons why despite you thinking you have a super vagina, men may still not be into you anymore..

To start off, he probably was not into you as a person because he sexed you without knowing you, then as he started to learn who you were, he realized you didn't offer whom he wanted to build a foundation with.

The second reason is bluntly put that he just wanted sex and you obliged. Period. This is often when he probably found someone of more interest or was not looking for something out the bedroom and you hinted for more.

Maybe he isn't into you anymore because you nag too much. Cardinal sin: Nagging. One of the biggest turn offs is nagging and it doesn't get mentioned enough. Men tend to look at this as a female trait and although that is not necessarily true, this is usually what happens before he finds himself trying to hear sensible female voices elsewhere. The nagging is annoying and will lead him elsewhere.



Stop forcing him to so many functions he is not interested in. There should be a balance and a limit to how much he has to endure or you have to endure as well. If he doesn't go to Church, introduce him to it but forcing him will not get him a pass to Heaven. Find meaningful conversation about your beliefs that will show him the importance and have him open-minded about exploring a spiritual life or religious life. Don't try to force religion on anyone as this has been known to backfire and push him away. 

If you take long to shop, just say it and stop dragging him along and forcing him to feel like a third wheel even when it is only you both. Make the shopping trip an experience for you both, not just about your bags and shoes. This is something that can push a guy away.

If your family/friends gives him a hard time and doesn't like him, do not force them on him. Sometimes gradual moves are best and space works most. This discomfort can make him explore other options.

Another reason he may not be into you anymore is that he realized you aren't pulling your weight. Sometimes you are more expensive than you are proven and he feels like he is the only one shelling out cash. Had this been 100 years ago, that would be great but in this day and age, men expect an independent working woman who brings more to the plate than her vagina and being there are so many that bring much more to the plate, he has options.

One more reason he isn't into you anymore despite you having a vagina is that possibly, in your efforts to impress him, you were not being fully yourself and the real you began to surface and the real you is not what he is attracted to. Now being yourself does not mean to give too much information too soon because that too can be too much for him. He doesn't need to know how many partners you had or stories about your ex on the first couple dates, if at all. Sometimes he wants to know important events from the past but most interested in who you are today. Let time open ways to introduce bigger past moments. To save this event from ever happening, be yourself from day one. This is always best.

Ladies, you are amazing and there is someone out there for you.  Men need to work on themselves as well as you need to work on yourselves. Think about these suggestions. It will not hurt.
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Monday, May 31, 2010

SEX, LOVE & HAPPINESS

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have been seeing this guy for 2 weeks and I really like him, I want to have sex with him and I know he wants to, I think he wanted to the moment he saw me but doesn’t all guys act like that? I don’t know what he is after and that’s why I haven’t gave it up yet but I don’t want to lose him if I don’t give it up. He says he really likes me and that he likes spending time with me but when he tries to go the extra step and I pull back I feel like he gets angry. Is that something all guys do because I know guys are into sex like that. What should I do? Thanks, Confused

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
You don’t have a dilemma that says whether you should or shouldn’t have sex with this guy but your real dilemma is how much self love do you have. You state doubt about this mans interests and his objective yet you lamely attempt to justify it by throwing him in an umbrella of what men are like. For the record, you are no man expert and are wrong to even think all men are the same way. You need to assess this as an individual situation, communicate and look at the signs you claim he has made as possible evidence for his motive. One can have sexual frustration but in a mere two weeks to show this frustration leads me to believe that he is definitely out for one thing. Give yourself time to ask yourself about the direction of this mere two week relationship and then convey this information with him to see where he stands. Pick up signs of disinterest, frustration or manipulation in this conversation. That will lead you to a smart decision. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I make my boyfriend more aggressive in bed? He is good and I love him but I’m really into more aggression. I like to have my hair pulled, I like to be spanked, I like to be submissive and told what to do. I try to introduce it to him by being aggressive with him so he can return it but he becomes submissive and that turns me off. What can I do?
From Sex Kitten


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sex Kitten,
First and foremost, I’m a big advocate of communication. I feel without it, nothing will be resolved and your situation is no different. You are showing him aggression with the expectation of him matching it, but maybe he read that sign wrong and assumed you wanted to be the aggressor and gave you that role. You have unwarranted expectations and should not fault him because your job is to always convey what it is that you want, need or like. This is not the most difficult tasks at hand. Just speak freely and express that you would like to reverse roles and see how aggressive he can get and that the mere thought of it turns you on. Explain to him your limits and how important it is that he does not cross them. Be receptive to his feelings as well and meet on common ground that you both can learn to love these acts together. Set the stage so to speak and walk him through verbally what turns you on, then begin the role. Hope this works out for you both.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I think I am in love but I don’t know, I have been with my boyfriend for a few months but I don’t know how I feel. I only loved one man before him and I don’t know how love is supposed to feel. Ok, let me explain, I know that I want him in my life always, I know that the thought of him not being in it hurts, I know that when we have disagreements I cry because I’m so hurt and hurt that he is hurt. He tells me he loves me and I feel like it is true. I feel like I’m so special with him. He goes all out to make me feel like I am the only woman in his eye. The problem is shouldn’t I feel exactly the same? Do I feel the same? I don’t even know. He says he isn’t expecting me to have the same feelings but I feel like it isn’t fair. Should I say it and then ill know if I feel it? Help me please. Thank you, Jackie


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Jackie,
I think that he should be commended for his maturity with his feelings of a selfless love and having no expectation of you matching his love. You are adding pressure where it is not warranted., He isn’t pressuring you for an answer or for you to find a definitive concrete definition for your feelings and in reality that’s a blessing. Take your time assessing your feelings. To me it sounds as love exists but never try to get a certain definition for the level of love. Love takes on many faces, many levels and has many places, don’t worry yourself to death over this and just show your appreciation. Don’t hold back anything you wish to say as long as it is honest. Do not say something hoping it comes into fruition because that’s lying and will ultimately bite you in the ass in the future. We all feel our own way about a situation and never can feel the exact same way at the same exact time. Those that profess to do so are usually lying. Feel free to take your time, he has given that blessing of time for you to go at your own pace. Good Luck with everything.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a happy man. I don’t know why I am scared though. I have been in situations that start out happy and usually end in my lady cheating or something bad happening. Now I am with a good woman and I cant help but wait for her to someone do what the others have done to me. I like this happiness, it really is something I dreamt of and I do everything I have to do to make her happy. Why cant I get it out of my head that she is going to do the same as everyone else?
Sincerely John Doe (not real name)


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear John Doe,
You are going to set yourself up to fail in this relationship if you do not learn to detach from your past. Each person is an individual and you are showing signs that you still need to heal. Most everyone has endured some form of heartache but the ones that move forward into healthy relationships are the ones that know that the one they are with is NOT the one they were with. Love who she is, admire what she shows you and reciprocate to the best you can. If you look for something long enough, you will find it, even though it doesn’t exists. You need to appreciate who she is and what she does and separate anyone before her from her. They should not have that much power in your present relationship. You owe your present girl much more than this. You owe it to yourself. Counter weaker thoughts with pleasant thoughts, every time you associate the past with expectations of negativity, immediately remind yourself of how wonderful this one is. Counter the weak with love. Never empower the evil and live to love. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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Sunday, May 16, 2010

IGNORED AND NEGLECTED...WHERE IS THE LOVE AT?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I love this guy and we been together 8 years. The problem is I don’t feel like he loves me except when he wants sex. He starts to touch and kiss me, he doesn’t do that any other time, also he is always out with his boys and never calls to check on me, he wont even answer my call or text but he is always on Twitter at the same time I’m messaging him. If I go out (not as much as he does) he always wants to call or text and gets mad when I don’t respond right away. He has broken up with me about 5 times and has dealt with other women, but he always apologizes and I love him so I take him back. I know people say I should leave but I cant, I believe we can work and get better, I think in time one day he will appreciate me. How can I speed that process up?
Torn but in love


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Torn but in love
First thing you should know is that you need to learn to love yourself more than you do. You voluntarily subject yourself to emotional abuse and you rationalize with the whole “but I love him” crap. If I had a dime for every time some idiot said that, I would be Bill Gates. How do you love someone that not only doesn’t display love but doesn’t display any good qualities to love? Your self-esteem needs CPR and your heart needs mending and education. You need to learn to love yourself, you need to learn that being an emotional cripple, or emotionally dependent is NOT loving someone. You need to know that time does not guarantee love, so your being together 8 years does NOT mean love exists., You are accessible sex, easy convenient sex for him. You are there at will, he sees you as property. He can sleep elsewhere, leave and always return because he knows you are broken, he knows you are weak. You need to take that power back from him, you need to find love for self so badly that you see what you wrote me and see how abused you are. As to your question about speeding it up, well you are misleading yourself into believing something that isn’t real, you can not speed it up. He is the only one that can change him and it has to be for him and not for you. You are in a very unhealthy relationship that has potential for physical abuse, you need professional help and should consider that. I hope the best for you, love yourself enough to move on. Please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having some doubts about my situation with my woman. She seems to always be more involved with her male friends than me. She is also always willing to support their projects but never has supported mine. She compliments them, never compliments me, she has more conversation with them than with me and seems to always make me secondary. Is this worth saving? I don’t even know how she feels because she is not expressive with me, I try to start conversation and she doesn’t give back much, but she loves the attention from other men. Am I dumb for even staying?
Luke


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Luke,
Luke, this is sadly a little bit more common than mentioned. I have encountered this question on my lap more than I would like to admit. The thing is that it is hard to pinpoint the exact cause of her distance from you and gravitation towards other men. Here are some options to consider, at times some people are too complacent in their relationships and tend to take their partner for granted. They often assume that this is their situation and it wont change so they don’t show the loving appreciation they should. This usually leads to the relationships demise. Another option to consider is that she is involved with another man or men and that her attention is easily diverted because she is easily bedded by them. There is no excuse for a partner to not support their partners project but support random guys projects. She may not have the appropriate attention span to be with just you and bores easily and needs new men often. This will make her bitter and lonely ultimately and you do not deserve to take that bitter ride she is on. You deserve better. You have said you attempted communication and she isn’t open, I applaud your attempt but I think that sometimes your approach has to be one that caters to her persona. If that fails, feel free to express yourself anyway honestly and move on. Everyone deserves a partner that appreciates them, everyone should be complimented and supported and she isn’t ready to be a woman yet, and she may never be. Let her go if she isn’t willing to communicate and move forward. Good luck and let me know how it goes.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am married with my wife for 5 years and we are happy. We have a 3 year old son and I really have no quarrels to report here, however, my dilemma derives from a previous relationship and I really am baffled at the lengths someone would go in lies so I would like to seek anonymous advice. My ex-girlfriend from long ago has an 11 year old daughter that she is saying is mine. Now I haven’t heard from her this entire time since she was caught cheating on me and I walked away. Her daughter being mine doesn’t seem as possible as it being the guys she cheated on me with but I am not a man to walk away from my duties as a man because of a bitter break up. She has showed up to my job with her daughter and this girl looks so sickly that my heart was shattered for her. My ex used to be a model and I figured what I always told her would be right, I told her to have a plan b because modeling wouldn’t last forever, and she is looking a bit shabby as is her daughter. Now I wonder if I am being a scapegoat or am I really a deprived father that was denied the opportunity to know his child that he didn’t even know existed? I do not expect you to know that answer but I would love insight out of my own. Thank you. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is not the easiest situation to face but I admire your diligence as a man, your desire to do the right thing. Now lets talk about a few possibilities here, your ex-girlfriend and her denying you 11 years of your possible child is something you are going to have to let go. That’s something you can explain to this child at an appropriate time if she is yours. Her mom will have to answer for that later on in life. Maybe she was ran through and run dry & taken advantage of from her looks, maybe she is unhealthy, maybe she is broke, maybe she is tired, but no matter what it is, the focus is 11 year old child. Your ex may have a plan and I think that your priority is DNA testing. Not on no silly outlandish show like Maury Pauvich but definitely done asap. I don’t even know that it is healthy to create a dialogue with the child until this is done. They have many clinics all over that do this service quickly with results rapid. If this situation unfolds revealing you to be the father, please do N OT enter this situation bitter about the past, do not focus on what you missed and focus on today and tomorrow. Love her with your heart and welcome her to your family with warmth. If she isn’t yours, close this chapter in permanence and move forward feeling absolutely no guilt as you did nothing wrong. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
This guy I was with said he was in love with me and wanted to have my baby and all this stuff that really made me feel good. I messed up and went on 2 dates with another guy, but I conducted myself well. I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have, I didn’t’ have sex, I had a good time but then felt so bad I confessed it and got dumped. Now one week later he is already dating someone else and to be honest I feel like she is hotter than me physically and I’m almost intimidated to even think I can get him back. What do I do? He wont talk to me.
Lizzy


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lizzy,
Sometimes the choices we make bite us in the ass and you made a choice to date another man while you are in a committed relationship, you kinda got what you deserve in this particular situation. Have you taken into account how he would feel about it? It does not seem that mattered while you were on your date have a grad old time. He found someone else and refuses to talk to you, now in honesty, this very well seems like some rebound piece of ass but I could be wrong. His refusal to speak to you expresses his hurt and or disgust at your choices to do so. How can and why should he trust you now? We often get blindsided by others and that shows how weak we are, yet when another does it we feel betrayed. Your selfish qualities should be addressed and if you have a genuine desire to love this man and can do right by him and really feel that this is best for you both, then step to him, put all the cards on the table, address your wrongs and your feelings as honestly as possible. Communication is the only thing that can be the lifeline to your relationship. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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Monday, April 19, 2010

UNACCEPTING ROLES: USED AND ABUSED

Mr. Lover Man,

I have been dating this girl for about 3 weeks, the problem is she is sexually active with another man and I don’t know where we stand. I really like her but we haven’t had sex and I’m wondering if its because of the other guy. I don’t know what to do as far as stepping my game up because I feel second to this dude. What do you suggest?
2nd to None


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear 2nd to None,
Well, you obviously are feeling the right thing. You ARE second to this other guy and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept this role. Do not mislead yourself about your position, use communication to find out how she sees you. Do not assume that you are in a competition because you could be used for a certain purpose. Maybe she likes your company and doesn’t have the sexual attraction and gets sexed heavily by this other guy to compensate for what she will not let you do. You need to see the situation for what it is, you need to communicate how you feel and see how she feels. You are in a situation knowingly she is being sexed by another man, so ask yourself this, what’s your worth? She seems content with having her two company keepers, you just aren’t the sex guy. Find out where you stand. Good luck. Please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m dealing with this female who seems to hit me up only when other situations seem to fail for her. Like a dummy I’m always giving in. I like her a lot and I kinda wish she would she that I’m a good man, not just a dude when she is down. How can I change this and make her realize I’m not like those people that see her for her physical looks and then dump her? Hope this don’t be sounding pathetic, just asking some real stuff. Thanks
Anonymous Male


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous Male,
This situation is a real tough one. She obviously does not care for your feelings as much as you do hers and probably never will with her selfish ass. She attracts a certain type of man that is not happy with her for more than a moment and you are her moment. You are the pillow, the consoling shoulder, the back-up plan, the rebound, the temporary fix and you need to stand tall and ask yourself how content are you with never being “The One:” Do NOT live on hope, live with fact, she doesn’t seem to have that one vision one day that says “wow I think this guy is the one” because you have accepted the role she gave you. You have given her more power than she deserves and you are misleading yourself thinking you can change this. Express yourself honestly, the one thing you own is how you feel so express that. You owe it to yourself to be honest and stop allowing yourself to be used. Good Luck and please keep me posted.


Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Me and my boyfriend broke up and are now working it out. My problem is when we broke up he was having sex with this girl we know and now that we are back together they remained friends. Should I be concerned with this? I see their interaction on a social site (Twitter) and they get flirtatious. She even comments on his penis size and about him coming over or her going out with him. I am very un comfortable with this and feel disrespected. How should I approach this?
Natasha


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Natasha,
This could be a serious problem, it could also be nothing more than silly fun. I’m gambling on it being a serious problem. You have stake in this relationship and have the right to voice your opinion. One thing I ask is that you evaluate your actions as well and if you do not partake in this type of activity than strongly express yourself. If you do, then you should be willing to ease up as well. The fact that they were sexual during your break-up and continue to have a dialogue of such content while you are working things out worries me in the sense that maybe he isn’t as serious about working it out as you are. I could be wrong and this could be innocent flirting, but the sexual history suggests otherwise. You need to approach this with a clear head and not emotionally charged. Point out things that bother you and what you think is disrespectful and unacceptable. You have that right as someone emotionally invested here. However, listen to him, hear him out, maybe he will be understanding. Do NOT be accusatory but be honest. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I really messed up here and I need real true advice. I am sleeping with my friends man and I’m falling in love with him. It started as a three-some and he was on some other level stuff that made my body feel things that it never felt. So one day he asks me if he can give me special attention one time because he didn’t feel that he gave me enough and I just had to know what this meant because if the attention he gave me was that good, I can only fantasize about how it would be alone. It was something ill remember, at times he slacks now but I am falling in love with him and its beginning to hurt me to see him and my friend happy. If they break-up is it ok for me to snatch him up and how long should I wait? “The Mona Lisa”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “The Mona Lisa”
This disturbs me and disgusts me. You use the word friend as if you have a clear understanding of what that means. Nonetheless, we will get to your issue in a minute. Lets evaluate some things here, you selfishly disrespected your “friendship” for sexual pleasure and have the nerve to say you are falling in love with your “friends” man and actually are hoping for their demise so your selfish ass can move on in? Did you even read what you emailed me? This is wrong 100% and you need to really do some serious soul searching. Do you realize that you entered this “relationship” with this dude as a sexual object and most of the time (almost always) when this happens, it never evolves long term, if so it fails ultimately. You are hoping for their demise for your pleasure and this is wrong. So to honestly answer your questions, it really isn’t healthy to “snatch him up” when they break-up if you really expect to keep this friendship even though you do not deserve it. The guy is sexing you both and you expect him to take you serious? What idiotic line made you come to that conclusion? I wish you the best of luck and that doesn’t mean continuing to backstab your “friend”. Take care, please let me know how this unfolds.
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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Have you addressed the cougar issue yet? (I'm 40 in. My boyfriend is 25, 26 in May) It was just a fling (booty call, whatever) from April 09 - Nov 09, then in December, things started to change....
I'm divorced. I tried to discourage this dude, (we broke it off several times in between) I didn't want a fling but he was irresistible and amazing in bed. I'm sooooo attracted to him, but I don't want to steal his youth. I don't want anymore kids (I have 3) I don't want to get married again, at least that's how I feel right now. But he kept coming back......
I'm so insecure about my body. I didn't snap back after the kids and gained weight. My belly is a monstrosity (I'm not exaggerating) He says I'm worrying about the wrong things...but he has the perfect body and youth on his side...
I'm trying to just relax, go with the flow and enjoy my life, with him. But I'm an Aquarian and I love hard. My feelings are INTENSE...
Btw, did I say that he's now living with me?
I don't really have a question, other than why a young guy would want to be with an older woman, body not so banging, 3 kids etc rather than be with a girl his own age, perfect body, etc.... (ok, so it was a question, lol)
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...
Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I want to applaud your younger man for his words to you of encouragement and of empowerment. Now as for the “cougar” issue which I must say I do not consider you one but for arguments sake that’s what we will go with.
Sometimes there are different agendas for younger men with older women, on the men’s perspective there is this motherly sense that gives a loving warmth that women younger or of age do not actually give as often. it’s a psychological component that gives a different attraction. There are the men that look this as a sense of accomplishment and thrill, the older woman gives different conversation, often different sex (many view better) and different views of life. This can become magnetic but doesn’t always become the case. Then there are cases of individuality where the man actually acknowledges the woman’s great values, great sense of humor, compassionate and loving sides and sees her exactly for who she is and the age is not relevant because she is relevant and I have a good feeling that is where your young cub falls in. As for the mention of your not perfect body, well I see a lot less perfect than perfect (if that even exist) and so many men appreciate the “normal” woman more so than believed. Work on making yourself either come to terms with your natural beauty or you can join a gym or work from home. These boost morale and will add drive to your young pups already blossoming drive. Do not seek for the negative answer only because even if it doesn’t exist, you will find it. Situations don’t always go as planned, so your fling progressed against rule and often happens. Embrace his views, converse with him about his decisions and don’t question them often in doubt or negativity. Honor his words as he seems to honor you. I wish you both the best. Please keep me posted on this.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'd love to know what you think about this:
I'm married. We've had our ups and downs in the past - it was always something I felt we'd overcome and that our love and respect of one another would win out in the end - I was always very confident in our relationship. Until we moved out of state - just to do something different. Once we got there, it was very difficult to find employment for me - he transferred his job - I started school instead and began to fit into our new life - he was working over night. We had a neighbor that I considered a friend after a while - she was a few years younger than we were, single mom who lived home with her mother and brother. We'd share clothes, she gave me a few items - even exchanged Christmas gifts and helped me out a lot with things in a new city - I helped her with school - she would even have dinner with us. Every now and then we'd giver her rides home from work, she didn't have a car - either I or my husband would take her/pick her up - when I noticed that he was giving her rides more and more often - Other times I would leave class early to come home and see him on her front stoop - looking stupid when I'd pull up... Long story short, he had an affair with her - not just sex, but a relationship behind my back. I confronted him when he thought I had concrete evidence, and he finally admitted it a year and a half later. Ripped my world apart. I wanted to die. I remember sobbing on the bathroom floor - curled up in a ball and my then 13 year old son comforting me and reassuring me that it was not my fault... I'm still hurt and this was in 2008! Shortly after that revelation, he fell asleep in bed with his cell phone - I was awakened by his phone vibrating - I picked it up and read a text from another female! He denied, then finally admitted they'd been 'talking' but nothing more developed - which may be true, but where would it have gone if I hadn't caught him? I kicked him out - He basically begged me back, I accepted him back - but then after a while he got this cocky type attitude and expected me to just get over it! During that rocky patch I began welcoming the attention from other men - never strayed, just flirted - enjoyed the attention - I mean, I felt fat and ugly before - was losing weight by then. Anyhow, I slowly began losing weight, and paying closer attention to my looks - his jealousy raged! He became smothering and anxious. I threatened to end things with him if he didn't lighten up - so he did - after a few days @ his mothers. So now, we are going pretty smooth - I'm working again but he isn't which leaves him with a LOT of free time and I notice he is always on the computer - clears his browsing history, has a large amount of local ladies as friends on Facebook, etc. I am very uncomfortable, I think he may be up to something... He has moments where he acts as if he is exasperated with me or something, then other times I'm the love of his life. He still snoops on me - reads emails, etc. I'm not doing anything, he can trust me, but seems to feel he can't he's always been that way. I guess my question is: Do you think (in your humble/professional opinion) that he is still straying? Am I a dummy for staying? For the record - I didn't leave then mainly because I wasn't employed (except for a few graphic design jobs) and we have 4 kids (5-16) -things have changed and I could pretty much do it on my own if need be. There are times I seriously consider walking away - but I have children to think about. Not quite sure what to do. I love him, but I'm not happy.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance
Truth {♥}

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Truth,
This saddens me because there is so much in play with your four children risking being exposed if they haven’t been already. They are brighter than we imagine and ever more observant. I hate to see a family dismantled and separated but there are instances where the inner health of the parents are most vital for the health of the children. How much unhappiness is flowing in the air at home and how does this affect the children?
There is always hope for change but I think the scars run so deep that it would take some therapy sessions to assist in healing. Even if the decision to separate is made, you should consider therapy for the trust issues that has become tangible due to his cheating ways. The victimizer always expects the victim to just get over it and that’s because they do not whatsoever understand the pain and hurt in lies, cheating and deceit. They often run and evade from embracing their hurtful positions and wish you get over it so they wont feel like the bad guy. It isn’t so much for you to move on but for them to erase the burden of guilt. Its very selfish for someone to expect you to get over it. You have your own individual time period for healing and need it. This situation without therapy will remain unhealthy and will ultimately affect the kids and that worries me a lot. He seems to have the “you’re my wife, you’re my property” attitude and that worries me as well. Therapy should be a major topic at this point if there is anything to save here and even if not, in order to co-exist as parents for the children without any rage, jealousy or immaturity. Sometimes walking away is hard but best, I don’t want to flat out make an opinionated statement based on what you told me, I just try to give you the best answer I would give myself and my closest loved one. I really think if therapy isn’t embraced as a family then you need to put the option of separating on the table. There is the family component and in order to work as a cohesive family, a loving and strong unit, there must be healing. I truly hope I helped. Please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a world of confusion. I think I know what I have to do but seem to find myself stuck in a situation I shouldn’t be in. I typed you this question a dozen times and deleted it because its deep and I questioned how anonymous this is but I see it is and I need your words.
I have been with this guy for two years. Every weekend my child’s father was taking my child and I would have this man over and we would have so much fun and great sex and just feel free and laugh all the time. The last few months my child’s father wasn’t taking our child on the weekends, he sort of disappeared and things with my man are going from great to weird to horrible. He makes me feel so worthless at times and he says my child isn’t his responsibility when I ask him to do things with us. Oh yeah, he lives with me and my child. My child is four and I really thought this guy was someone I can spend my life with and he moved in with me and everything. He doesn’t show interest in my child. He has cheated on me recently and says its because I’m so busy with my child that I don’t have time for him. He makes me feel like he has done this before and I wish he could just accept my child too. My child needs me and I cant just give my child’s attention away to him. How can I do both? How can I make him stop cheating? I really hate how he makes me feel. He blames me for my child’s fathers disappearance by saying I had to have done or said something because the guy wouldn’t just disappear. We start arguing but his words are a lot harsher and I just shut up because I don’t have the strength to argue sometimes. What should I do?
Thank you, I read your blog and I don’t want to go to my friends, they don’t know and I don’t want them to. Sincerely, Lost

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lost,
I never allow these questions to get me riled up because I am someone that has spent considerable time in my life assisting when I can and giving advice. I have worked in some of the most strenuous fields of work and when riled up, step away for a moment of clarity and return with the best of me surfaced. Your email made me take a moment.
First thing I want to say is your boyfriend is a scumbag. Yes I said it. He is a piece of trash, yet I will explain his position so you can have a better understanding why he does what he does. You were the weekend ass to him. Every weekend he was able to have uninterrupted sex, all weekend and a place to stay worry free from whatever he had in his world. He looks at your child as a disruption of this and isn’t mature enough to let go and embrace your child and after this length of time he wont. He doesn’t view you as wife material, he sees you as convenience sex and comfort. You provide shelter and sex and probably dinner. Your child to him is imposing on his perfect little world and he refuses to give in. That is disgusting and selfish and you as a parent disappoint me tremendously. How this idiot remains in your home is something you need to ask yourself. There isn’t a balancing act between your child and that guy if he doesn’t respect you, your child and your position. There is no way to make him happy because he will resent your child for taking away his little selfish world and I fear his ability to harm your child out of jealousy. My best advice is to detach and eliminate, you must realize what’s healthiest for your child and remove this idiot from your home. This is one situation that is unhealthy and rarely if ever gets better. You should also consider counseling because I feel there is more to not only this story but your story in general. I want best for you and your child. Please consider outside help. The best solution with that jerk is to let it go. You may think it will bring pain to your heart but I guarantee after the very temporary pain subsides, joy will surface ten fold. This I promise. Please keep me posted.
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Friday, February 5, 2010

CHEATING AND DECISIONS

To Mr. Lover Man

Hey mr lover lover… I need help here, is it really true that once a cheater always a cheater? My boyfriend cheated on me and he reminded me of when I cheated on him last year but I have not had the temptation to do it again but I think with men it is different, so is it true that once a cheater always a cheater. Thank you, truly, innocent but not so innocent

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Innocent but not so innocent,
People tend to always blame men for being the constant cheater like there is a genetic component that forces men to cheat and it’s out of their control. This is such idiocy. For the record, statistically women cheat more than men and anyone who takes pride in that is an idiot. Cheating is a conscious decision no matter what (unless drugged but that’s another topic) and is one made individually. Can someone change, of course they can. Can someone stop cheating? Of course they can, stop listening to one liners by bitter miserable idiots who are afraid to take chances or who only attract losers. You have cheated and you stated that you have not had the temptation but that didn’t sound like you were in the clear yourself. So should he trust you? I think that counseling or some form of professional help would be suffice here and definitely would pit you in a better position amongst one another. I do wish the best for you, please keep me posted and remember that people are individuals.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Why do people who cheat tend to say that the cheating had absolutely nothing to do with their partner? Say that it wasn't that the other person was better in bed; better looking, etc. yet risk destroying their relationship? How can a person come back with it was just something that happened/something that they felt like doing for that moment and/or amount of time yet still claim to love and want to be with their partner? That just strikes me as immature, greedy and ignorant. I'd really appreciate your view on this. Thank you, Simply Me

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Simply Me
Well in my opinion the fact that one cheats is enough to ask oneself “does the costs of this relationship outweigh the rewards?” and if so, it’s time to let it go. There is no reason for cheating, EVER. The lame excuses people use are to cover their malicious, selfish, inconsiderate selves. These are ways to make them become the victim when they are actually cruel, greedy, horrible people at this time. In your question you want to know why certain things are said. In my opinion these are said to place a pillow under the fact that this person was horrible in their actions and they wish to soften it and make them look less selfish. Anyone who cheats has not taken the loss of the relationship in full account and if they did then they either felt it wasn’t worth much or they had a cemented position. If one results to cheating, they did NOT respect the other party whatsoever. As for the person saying the love the partner and wanting to be with them, well why not? At the moment of not being physically tangled with the side piece, of course they are feeling what they think is love again, of course they want their cake and eat it too. Greedy people are like that. You have to remember that they cheated, so how can you trust their words right after they cheated? Situations like this either need professional intervention or detaching in order for there to be healthy solutions. Good luck with everything.

Dear Mr. Lover Man
I have been talking to this guy for seven months now. Meet him on twitter; we started bbm each then moved to talking on the phone almost every day for several months. We started making plans to see each other. I was excited about it until I went home on a visit and the males in my family started putting doubts in my head. My sister said she would go with me but they said two women shouldn't be going either. But we were staying at a hotel n he was going to meet me there. Well while I was there visiting family. I must have changed because he said I act like I didn't want to talk to him. Well, I stopped calling him for a few months but still talked to him a bbm. I never told him why I pulled back until a few months ago. He was not happy, he said I should have talked to him about it. He has a temper, this I know from the way he writes not from talking with him. And he admits it. But back to the subject. I bbm him all the time but he don't bbm me. We talking about seeing each other again, but to me something is not right. I ask him to call me, he say he will but never do. Now he getting a iphone n he said that I still have his number we can text. He always says that it's me that don't like to talk on the phone. Should I call him? He said he’s not seeing anyone, and that he would like to see what happens with us before he does. I want t believe him but, something is not right to me, and I ask him all the time is he sure bout meeting me. He says yes. But why doesn't he call when he says he is. Or bbm me? What do u think?
Sincerely What should I do?

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear What should I do,
One thing I have always been against is the consistent intervention of family and friends when it isn’t fully warranted. I understand the concern of your siblings but they made a bias and unfair assessment thinking they had your best interest ion heart and I’m sure they did but that doesn’t make it the best choice. Ultimately you have to be content with the choices you make and no one else will ever feel what you feel when you lay your head on that pillow at night alone. Now the troubling thing is that it clearly appears to me that the intervention caused you to act different and keeping this distance for months after things seemed to progress cause this gentleman to retract his stance. He was also emotionally invested and your unexplainable changes for months before the confession can feel deceitful and unfair to the other person. It now has caused him to do the same thing it appears and there doesn’t seem to be substantial growth. As for his anger issues, this is something that should be addressed and there is definitely anger management classes that are affordable all over. I highly recommend it. Now to these unmade phone calls, this is something I call high school. I don’t believe in waiting for a call, giving cold shoulders, waiting to see who calls first, blah blah blah… These are childish and never accomplish anything. These are young minded, bitter games to give a false sense of control in a relationship instead of looking for partnership. You want to talk to him and hear his voice, then call him. He is acting a way in defense to what you have unfolded upon him and although that doesn’t make it right, it’s what’s happening. You need to step up with the same effort as you easily stepped back and make your position known. If this is what you want then go for it, do not wait and allow him to think you are playing the “fall back” game again. I don’t know if it is that he is dating and I don’t know that maybe he is protecting his heart from outside intervention that may persuade you to pull back again but unless you step up you will never know. I wish you the best of luck, please let me know how it turns out.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need advice ... I’m IN LOVE WITH 3 MEN. And I can’t seem to choose which one that I really want to be with. One makes me happy as a best friend and more but I find that I am not as physically attractive to him, the other is EVERYTHING that I could ask for and more, he is perfect and yet I’m just waiting for something to go wrong, and the other is just everything that I want but don't need because all we do is argue and fight…. help.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: The bad thing about being in love with more than one person is the misinterpreted positions they think they play. In your situation there are 3 men who probably have feelings for you being that you profess your love for them. You stating you do not know which one to choose tells me that in some degree they are not all aware that you are stuck in limbo trying to make a choice. This alone is a selfish act and before you can come to terms with making a choice, take some time to tell these men truthfully how you feel and that you are stuck between a choice of 3 and watch the choice become easier as someone will not wait around to be some contestant in your reality show. However, in searching for the “one” of three, one must ask self what is it that “I” want? What is it that makes me happy and as a unit what can we achieve. Making the best choice is not a guarantee; you have one that doesn’t catch your physical lustful eye and that kind of narrows sexual attraction unless love is so overwhelming which I’m not sure it is because of your physical confession. Then the one that is everything you want but waiting for his errors and flaws to show, in my opinion if you look for something hard enough, you will find it. Even if it is NOT there. What’s wrong with just enjoying what is happening now? Nothing at all. Stop looking for negativity and appreciate what you have. It’s ok to prepare for the worst but stop searching for it; you will ultimately sabotage that relationship. As for the one you are always arguing and fighting with, well that appears to be very unhealthy and not the one I would consider on face value. With the information given, it appears to be the least healthy of the bunch. I think you need to dig deep within yourself and take a moment away from all three in order to better assess the situation, and don’t add any more because soon you will be a VH1 special. LOL. Good luck with everything. Keep me posted.
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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

HELP ME FIND LOVE!!!


Dear MrLoverMan: I am having a real problem here and I hope you can help me resolve this before this situation gets more worser. I am really and totally in love with wonderful guy I met online and we had been talking for awhile now and I find him to be such a very down to earth and just a great person and I want to be truthful and up front with him tell him everything about me. I know what I'm doing is so wrong and I just know I'm going to lose this wonderful person and that he probably deserves someone far better than me and he says he loves me but I'm not the person who he thinks is. He's been hurt before and I don' think this is fair to him me doing this terrible, thing. Okay First I'm older than he is by 10 years, Ive never been married nor do I have any children. I am a very nice looking woman ok let's make that a big and beautiful woman(5'8) with a very nice personality who just wants to be happy and in love forever and somehow that's just not happening and there was a time that I was once so much in love with someone and that person was my life back a few years ago. So as of now there is no one in my life except this wonderful guy I'm talking about also we never met face to face yet. Back some years ago I never had a problem of getting a man and was outgoing in my late teen years up until a couple of years ago. I only had 2 relationships one when I was 17 in high school and a few years later on & that lasted a long time. I used to be shy and still am a little. Anyway this wonderful guy is honest about himself and I don't think he'll ever want to speak or hear from me ever again so I can't blame him I blaming myself for trying to be someone I'm not. I really do want to be with him but looks like that is never going to happen. I just want be happy and have someone to love me forever and me loving them. I know I should have just been myself and not no one else. When we talk we the conversations are always nice with no crazy stuff but I know I blew this my probably my one & only chance for true happiness. Can you help me on this?

Thank You,
Sign, Anonymous.
 
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is complex and one thing i will say is you can mislead this guy and hurt him later on in and lose him forever or take the chance in coming claen right away and trust in love. He sounds like a great guy and I am sure if you come clean and explain why you lied and why you were afraid to come clean for so long, he will hear you out. I wish I knew the exact outcome but we dont. You believe this is your true chance at a forever type of love? Well then you better earn it with some truth before the lie seeks in so deep that you lose him for good. Do not give up on him, and you must express yourself honestly and believe in love. You owe him the truth, you owe him to know about you fully as he has allowed you honestly into his life and his heart and you owe yourself the act to come clean. It is healing, tell him all he needs to know and I promise it will be healing. Ultimately you guys will have to meet, what are you going to do then? That surprise would ruin everything and you would definitely lose him. Before you ever meet him you need to come clean long before like ASAP. Please keep me posted as to what unfolds, good luck and I hope it turns out best for you guys, no matter where that ends.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am in fear of getting hurt. I haven't had positive experiences with dating men. I am currently finding that a protective shield goes up when I start to have feelings for someone. I find that I would like to meet someone, but I am scared that the person will hurt me so I pull back the minute I start to have feelings. I find that I over analyze and label every little behavior as an indication that the man is no good so it's easier to move on without him. I am able to let people in but then I pull back.. I feel very depressed when I am hurt so I decrease my chances by not being hurt by pulling back. I have problems brushing it off like some others are able to do. Is this normal behavior? Should I avoid dating? Should I take the chances of being hurt even if it's hard for me to bounce back and stay positive? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Sadly this happens more than it should and that’s what the trauma of heartache can do. I am very concerned here though because I know these feelings well and there a ways of overcoming, one is to consider a professional to speak to. There are things you are holding on to that you must let go in order to move forward and I’m not sure how far back they go. The fear of being hurt cannot and should not take more action than the willingness to be appreciated, learned about and loved. You are allowing the fear the paralyzing power that it should not have and I need you to take a stand from within. Take slow steps but strong steps, do not over assume anything about anyone and measure what it is that is being delivered to you. Do not allow this fear to mask your heart and your intelligence. Trust me, the fear that is so strong that it can shut you down or pull you back can and probably has hurt someone’s feelings whom didn’t deserve to be hurt. In order for you to be successful in dating, you must address the inner hurt that has empowered fear. You haven’t had positive experiences, re-cap them and ask what role did you play and work only on that. You cannot fix others but see if maybe you have taken wrong steps or approaches, this usually helps and allows one to heal and move forward. Some people are assholes and some are wonderful, it’s never easy to sort it out right away and at times disappointment and hurt lurk in the clouds waiting to loom in and enter our lives. There is also love, compassion, trust and understanding and they also wait to emerge from within because you have that within already. You must learn to let it surface and trust in yourself to analyze without over analyzing and assess accordingly and ask questions, feel the position and make decisions of rationale on not solely based on emotion. I wish you the best, please stay in touch to let me know how things turn out and good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, So, this is my question....I am in a "relationship" with this guy cause we are having sex. I was told by someone I know that even if you are having just a physical relationship with someone you are still in a relationship. So we dated in the past and we are recently just getting back in touch. No this is my problem..... I honestly like this guy I love the attention he gives me when he is around me, but that hasn't been much the case. I would love to be in a real relationship with him yet I don’t think that he is in that place right now. So I am not trying to be tooo much on him and I would love for him to wife me up but I do not know what to do. Should I stay and try to just be patient and wait or is this only ever going to be a physical relationship. Miriam

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Miriam,
First thing is that once the situation remains just a sexual relationship it often doesn’t progress because of its basis of sex. Yes you guys dated in the past but this relationship is based on sex and gives the message to the guy that he is being used for company and sex and it appears that he is embracing his role well,. The only way this changes for better or worse (and usually better) is to address it maturely. I have a saying I say (Mr. Lover Man exclusive LOL) “Never deny your mouth the chance to be the spokesperson for your heart”. With that being said, you must not live in your brain, assuming it will turn out find if you just let things happen, sometimes one must stand tall and make their position known and this is that time. If he doesn’t want more than you can either accept it as just sex or move forward without him but you well know where you truly stand. Don’t deny yourself truth. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.


Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am extremely busy and find that dating can be time consuming if you're seeking a serious relationship and not just a casual relationship. I'm unable to date several times a month like most singles that are eagerly looking for someone who is compatible. I am aware that I can observe things such as subtle cues or sexually explicit remarks to detect if a man is just interested in sex. The problem is that you can't always tell. I find it very frustrating receiving no callbacks because I wasn't intimate with him on the first date. Do you suggest that women who are looking for serious relationships discuss sex before going on the first date? I find it would save a lot of time, but I find the latter very uncomfortable. Any suggestions? E.C.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear E.C.
I will say that time is definitely an issue when establishing something concrete or serious in any matter. It definitely is frustrating not to receive a call back but I propose this, do not always wait for a call, and make a call if the interest warrants a call. From that call you will know where this person stands. Are you aware that about 20% of men that don’t call after a date feels that the woman wasn’t interested? That may be one situation you were in and never knew it. Of course one can say the guy should call and tough it up and find out but equally you can make the call. We are at points where the man and woman’s roles have been changed, mixed, morphed, played with and reconstructed to individual situations and for me that’s great. Try making a call to see where they stand, ask about a recap of the date, it’s safe and gives you a good standing ground. Sadly, one can never know all the time every person’s agenda if there is one and one cannot always find fairy tale romance but one can safely take chances. The topic of sex is very mature when approached right, but don’t just interject it to test a person’s interest because most people meet and date at first because of physical attraction. Good luck E.C.

.Dear Mr. Lover man, I have heard stories of people taking looking for a serious relationship so seriously that they go on several dates a week. The hunt for someone becomes almost a f/t job on the side. I have never taken that approach. Do you feel that people who are looking for a serious relationship should be eagerly looking for that special someone like it's a business? Or do you believe that you don't find that special someone when you're out hunting? What is your opinion? Does it really happen when you least expect it? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I honestly am a believer in beautiful stories and I believe in finding beauty in every story. There is not time nor distance to love or happiness, I often repeat that because it is something I have believed in with proof. As for the manhunt for love, that is something so many of us wish was such an easy mission. At times we seek out to find something and if we look hard enough we think we find it, even when it doesn’t exist. Dating is fine but multiple people a week to find “the one” sort of becomes misleading or makes one get burned out to the point of settling. I think every situation is individual and the rules of societal norms mean nothing. One may find love by multi-dating but I see that less often than by learning about one individual at a time. I have seen, heard and lived situations where love does happen when you least expect it, one should never make the assumption that anyone could be “The one” but should learn about people and see if there is enough to pursue. Good Luck Anonymous.
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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

WHERE IS THE LOVE?


Dear Mr. Lover Man,


So.....this is my problem. I do not have any type of faith in men. I have been hurt more times then I can remember, therefore I do not even put myself out there for the possibility. I know that is not healthy blah blah blah but there is this guy that just seems to be perfect. We have dated in the past and I have pulled one of my moves to push him away and it lasted for a couple of months. Now out of the blue he hits me up. I am not planning on fucking him, but I am planning on trying to put myself out there. Do you think this is a stupid move? I understand many men I am a female with more male friends then anything, but I can not figure him out what so ever HELP… Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Well, I see this common problem and I always wish that people would seek someone professionally in a one on one setting. What you do not need is to keep trying to figure men out, that’s not your niche, and you are not great at that no matter how many male friends you have. Your words that show you have been hurt more times than you can remember shows that maybe something you are doing plays a role. Those issues that have attributed to your being hurt more times than you can remember need to be addressed in order for real healing to begin. Your quest to figure out this guy who you are considering giving a chance to isn’t going to help. You are no man expert, what you need is to e a “YOU” expert. You willing to take a chance is great and I truly wish you the best but the one thing that screams out to me here is that you need to fix something within. Talk to him honestly, share your feelings and concerns, trust that he can handle the honest conversation as long as its tone is real and with true emotion, I would love to know this story turns out in the greatest of endings, please keep me informed of its progress.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Hello Mr. Loverman - I wonder if smart, confident men are frightened by me or simply not fully interested in me. Please give me your take. I seem to attract men who have low self-esteem. They tend to be extremely attracted to my beauty and confidence. However, I am attracted to men with high self-esteem. Smart men seem to admire me and my confidence, but they keep their distance and seem afraid to have a "real" relationship with me. They almost seem to be afraid of the idea that two smart, sexy, confident people could be together (like it would be too good to be true). I wonder if "real long-term relationships" can only occur between two people who are opposites. I notice that in many relationships and marriages there is typically one "weaker" person paired with a more "dominant" personality. Rarely do I see two dominant people together - but that is what I desire. I DO NOT want to be the only dominant person in a relationship - although I have a naturally domineering personality (which seems to attract weaker men). Am I being unrealistic to expect a match with an attractive, confident man? Many men have called me "dangerous" or "too much". Women have even complimented my confidence level and seem to admire my natural ability to lead. Although this may seem flattering, it's really annoying - because I may have to settle with a man who has low self-esteem, since that is what I seem to attract the most. What is your take on this? Thank you in advance for your advice. Ms. Confident seeking Mr. Confident

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Ms. Confident seeking Mr. Confident,
First thing I want to say is that I stand tall, tip my hat and applaud a woman of strength and strong self confidence. I want to immediately state that smart and confident men would not be intimidated by this or they would not e smart and confident men. Academia alone doesn’t determine smart, corporate or financial status doesn’t determine confident, and I say this because I’m not sure how you are measuring men on a smart and confident level. Another thing I want to eliminate is the notion that you are being unrealistic to expect an attractive confident man, you are being VERY realistic and many situations I am intimately familiar with have a dual strong base and both parties strong in aspects the other may note but strong nonetheless. Your natural ability to lead is something I think is wonderful but I wonder if the men you call “smart and confident” perceive your natural ability to lead as maybe something else. This is something you should really think about and yearn to want to find answers to. Some men and women with equal academia and financial success still have totally different perceptions to the same situation. Your domineering personality will tend to attract weaker men because some weaker men love the motherly figure, the notion that someone will take charge for them and assist. Unless you are willing to settle (and I am anti-settle for less) you need to find out how you are coming across to these men in a relationship setting because your ability to lead may be too bossy or whatever someone may see that you don’t. I never met a man who is what I consider smart and confident want a weaker and less successful woman. That wouldn’t make him too smart. Studies from all over actually show that men find strong confidence way more sexy and appealing than low self esteem. Ignore the stereotype and search. Please keep me posted and I want an invite to the wedding you will have because of this. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What I found is that in most every question posed to you the people asking the questions are merely asking questions about having sex... no one speaks about making love!!! Is making love becoming a lost to mere primal urges and getting "pounded" as you say?? First having studied different aspects of love and relationships, and touching and pleasing the human body one thing I have found is that if a spiritual connection between two people is involved it brings far more satisfaction than what one can do by physical means alone. You satisfy the soul, physical satisfaction will explode in firework fashion. Grace and finesse can bring extreme pleasure where aggression can bring pain, shame and darkness. Too many men want to execute penetration by slamming it in, rather that making a loving, caring, slow entry. I can tell you from my own standpoint, (and I speak for myself and no one else) that there is nothing more creepy, nothing more painful and nothing more fearful to me in the bedroom than to have a man do that to me. I'm no virgin but it still remains that way to me after all these years. That happens and I look for the nearest and fastest escape right then and there.
On the other hand having the act executed with real love is pure splendor, emotionally, physically, spiritually all the way. And men who believe they themselves cannot attain those heights of ecstasy are cheating themselves.
Having studied a variety of massage techniques all the way from deep tissue to gentle touch to erotic, I know that men can find incredible pleasure in such applications given by a woman who does so with love. Here again, I speak for myself, I personally could spend hours exploring a man's body, seeking to build him up to the greatest heights of pure bliss while giving all of myself to him from the depths of my heart as well.
Gentle caresses and soft touches and deep gazes into eyes with soft sincere whispers of loving words are an amazing combination in the love making experience. But also take some time to adequately prepare. Have the body oil warm. Water-based lubricants can feel so amazing if you wrap the bottle in a heating pad beforehand. Put on a CD of a thunderstorm and light some candles. Nothing too perfumey though. Something mild and earthy is a great way to warm things up. Turn off the bright lights. Spend time talking; I personally love that with a glass of good red wine. And you are 110% right about making eye contact; I think that's so important on so may levels. Not only is it incredibly sensual but it also allows one to read their loved one's expressions. "Is what I'm doing feeling good to him?" "Is there any signs of discomfort or disinterest?" And when those sentiments are reciprocated toward me it then makes me want to give things and do things that I might ordinarily feel uncomfortable or apprehensive about giving and doing. For instance, while I love to give oral sex, I need to trust someone a lot in order to feel comfortable in receiving it. And there is nothing that will send my heart racing and set the fires blazing than for a man who loves and cares for me to "Take Me!!!" And I mean "TAKE ME"!!! LOL!! But that has to come after that trust and that trust comes through love. Can you kinda see what I'm saying? If that makes sense to you and only if you agree then perhaps you might wanna relay the message in your own words to your subscribers but that is totally up to you. And if you don't agree then that's fine too. Just thought I'd throw my two-sense in. Any who... I do so love your blog. And will be looking forward to reading your future posts. Sincerely Love Still Exists.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Love Still Exists,
I want to say I honor your mind and heart with all that I am. I think that our society has taking a turn from the passionate love making with that soulful connection in exchange for animalistic sexual pleasure. With saying that, I do NOT mean that as a whole, I mean that to say that our movies reflect that, our music reflect that, studies show that porn access is easier and the aggressiveness in it is at an all time high and it is one of the leading influences in sexual activity. Does passionate love making from within exists? Of course, I think what people are asking is for improvement in areas to improve in learning a momentary pleasing. These short moments can and will lead to long term pleasing. The act of love in a sexual form is the greatest physical act known to the human species, and I wish that was a bigger demand that the random sexual pounding. Time and age changes the demand and aggression in sex is higher than it’s ever been statistically and although its how society has shifted, it doesn’t make it the only physical sexual expression. Most women I converse with wish to experience both and a majority of them tell me they never made love but have had incredible sex. I 100% see where you are at and I agree with you, but people that have experience animalistic sex without the passionate tender caring that you describe really don’t search for what doesn’t exist in their world. The message should be conveyed without being swayed. Your words are a great start and I appreciate that. Making love doesn’t come from the genitals; it comes from the depths of the soul and the core of the heart, the body is just the messenger of these feelings in a physical form. In 2010 we should bring back love making, LOL. Hope that made you smile. Thank you so much for this post and I look forward to more from you, maybe even a post of your own. Thank you.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love this man; I enjoy him in diverse ways. I could make you a list at a moment’s notice. In my heart I want him for my own forever. Stepping back for a moment to say that in areas of life, I arrive at important decisions through logic. I need to understand who he is. I like his spirit and who he is to mebut as I have observed him indirectly via social media I wonder who is that guy? I can’t seem to reconcile these different versions of him and for me this raises concerns. I crave the peace and assurance of knowing my guy and when I see these sides of him I don’t feel sure I do accurately know him. Whats happening here? Double Take

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Double Take,
I see your concern and this is the case of the social media invasion. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc have invaded our homes more so than we like to admit. It has become as relevant as your computer itself or cell phone. Many people use this to test certain areas of life and have a free audience to receive a free response, is he trying to convey something and what exactly is it that he is doing that raises concern? The normal thing is usually the flirtatious nature in which these sites make so easy. It is safest to e flirtatious on the internet than anywhere else and at times it is harmless. Some people I know are only flirtatious through these safe means and find fun in it but never use that in person. Hiding behind a computer screen at home is safe. Is he giving out personal information? Is he meeting people? That would raise concerns to me, things less than that do not but should be addressed because your heart is on the line. What is his angle is the way he is on the social media that disturbing that it can’t be worked through? You asked “What’s happening here?” and I think that unless he is giving out information or making “hang out” sessions than or claiming to e available or perverse, than this is something that could be spoken through and worked out. Address that you do not like his social media behavior and come to a common grounding where you both are happy. Good luck and please keep me posted as this goes forward.
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Friday, December 4, 2009

Caring Enough Will Improve Your Sex Life


I often hear men and women alike brag about their sexual performance and I often ask their partner in private and get a totally different perception to the lover’s performance. Now that is not something to laugh at, often men are misguided by the activities of pornography and think every woman is built to handle a physical thrashing like the women on their favorite website. Men think because women always tell them how good they are or they fake orgasms that they truly fit this title and they never progress. That’s shame on the liar. Women tend to talk about how well she moves it and brag about how her vagina is this tight, this wet and does this trick and in reality, so does most vaginas. There is more to being a better lover than the penis and vagina and if you doubt this then you have a lot to learn and many partners to abandon you.


Let’s start with the MEN:

First thing I say is MOST important is the level of respect one treats their partner when being a lover. It’s not a self serving prophecy to jump on your partner pump fast and hard, release your juices and call it a night. Men you should make it MANDATORY to learn what makes your partner climax best, that’s your duty as her lover.

Are you aware that 83% of women state that they are not kissed enough during their sexual/love making sessions? I don’t even know if this needs an explanation. Stop focusing on only the oral, anal and vaginal!!!! There is more you idiot!! K=Learn to give intimate kisses in these i ntimate times.

Oral sex. Nuff said.

Ok, I’ll speak on it a bit. The best way to prepare a woman (statistically) for the greatest pleasurable sex is to definitely ad oral sex in the mix. One must learn to arouse her, relax her and heighten the moment with the power of the oral in order to make this possible. I won’t go into details but learn what makes your partner quiver and moan, convulse and collapse and you are ahead of the game for total preparation for love making.

Find out what your partner wants, communicate with her and learn everything about her. Do NOT be judgmental if her sexual drive or desires differ from yours, be open-minded and ask questions. This is not about you buddy but about you both. You want her then learn to communicate effectively and share with her. Be willing to try new things and don’t expect to be an expert right away, learn it and master it and you will see dramatic changes.

Pay attention to her erogenous zones and learn her body as much as she does or better. Men tend to think attacking the breast and clitoris are the best ways to turn her on enough to give her a good slamming and that is very juvenile. The g-spot, belly button, neck, inner thighs, back of the knees, lower back and even ear lobes on some women can heighten mood stimulation and bring arousal levels to an extreme high. Let her know you love turning her on, express how good it feels to kiss her and to love her and give her attention. Saying how good it feels to be inside her is nice but who doesn’t say that? Learn to be more than the guy who just had sex.

Now we mentioned the g-spot and let me tell you that there are myths and rumors about this and people often don’t know what the heck they are talking about when it comes to this. I often overhear wrong information passed over and just want to laugh. I often tell people who have trouble finding the g-spot, “Have you asked her if your there?” Men really don’t want to ask because they often have their manhood measured by sexual performance and that with the mix of a lying woman who fakes orgasms, you both are doomed to fail. Women should create a comfort level for this type of talk and men should not e afraid to ask, it shows your concern for her pleasure.

Now statistically 3 of the best g-spot hitting positions are so common and yet the right shift here or there will give that right touch that will drive her wild. First one is the infamous “Doggystyle”. This position is usually the man behind slamming into her, but not today it isn’t. Allow the lady to have the control, yes fellas it is not a bad thing. Let her use her thighs to press back as she is crouched down, this gives her the ability to find the best depth and position for the right thrust that works best for her. It is ok to become more involved and active after she finds this, adjust to this position and push her down lay into her from behind. And this will enable your penis (no matter the size) to push in at a downward angle and gives access to hitting the g-spot. Open her legs, close them, ut ask to find out which one best suit her please. Plus there is something about the animalistic positioning of doggy style that gives men pleasure, so it’s a win/win.

Second is you standing or kneeling down with her legs on your shoulders. Keep her legs spread wide on your shoulders and get creative, the angle will deliver the thrust needed to e a g-spot pro.

Third is having the woman on top. Yes this old common position can be a g-spot hitter if she is controlling depth, speed, tension and the intensity level. This gives her the ability to move, grind, lean in any position she feels fit to adjust for that hit. Talk to her while she rides you into the sunset, tell her how it feels, how you want her to feel and how wonderful, sexy and gorgeous she is. There is almost no greater sight than a woman riding you and looking at you will the face of every emotion. The talking is mental stimulation, and that is as important if not more than the physical aspect.

Also remember, when the physical act is over, allow her to determine how quick you go to sleep or jump in a shower. Men have been known to be insensitive in this area but both genders do so. Recap the act, tell her how much you enjoyed it, cuddle with her, tell her how special she is and how special the moment was.

WOMEN, now don’t think I forgot you:

Leave something for the mind, let his imagination run wild and want you more. Most people assume a woman’s position by what she wears. Maintain a level of class and integrity and you can still be sexy, gorgeous, and a stand out. Learn to incorporate class and sexy together and you will have them running to you.

Despite what miserable, bitter women say, men love independent women with a good self esteem. A man likes to play the hero, the giver, the protector but he also needs a partner and not a daughter. Men are driven by a string woman and love to have a woman who knows her worth. This keeps him on point, he knows his woman is strong and no push over and allows a loving challenge and pushes both further. If you doubt this, that’s because you attract losers and you need to re-evaluate yourself. When men tell you how wonderful you are, it feels good that you know he speaks truth and not that he has to waste the moment to convince you. Love yourself in order to love him.

Love your physical self as well. Men love women who flaunt for their man, and find it so hard to e extremely turned on y a woman who hides her body or doesn’t show herself to him at all in any sexual way. Your body is yours, learn to love it. You have your partner and he loves it, don’t shy it away from him. Love yourself, inside and out.

Men love a woman who is not afraid to express that she wants sex and she loves it. Sex should NEVER be forbidden language for adults and should be as great conversation and comfortable as any other, especially with partners. Ladies, being sexually confident will not only drive him insanely sexual for you but will most likely make him loyal. Study shows that sexually confident women and sexually open women have much more loyal men than those that aren’t. Talk dirty or learn to. This does not devalue you; it actually gives you more sexual value with your partner. Ask him if he likes it (9out of 10 men do) and learn to describe what you want by him. This will heighten the sex from good to great.

Never wait for him to make the sexual advances, that is not the gender role and one should think individually, do NOT assume men are mind readers and know exactly every time you are in heat. Grab him, kiss him, tell him how hot he makes you by his simple stride to the kitchen, touch him, whisper in his ear…. But….. not during sports. LOL That’s funny.

Give him direction and show him what turns you on, and do not assume because he has a penis that he has been sleeping with everyone and should know your body. Teach him, give him opportunities to learn your body, guide him to your spots and talk him through it in a sexy way. Do not damage his ego if he does it wrong, learn to talk him through it and lean him into perfection. Have patience and know that you guys have time to perfect every inch of your bodies.

Another thing that should be avoided is getting upset when he suggests something new. Do not make him feel belittled or weird about his suggestion, only be willing to do something new if you expect him to. This is a partnership and one should only do what the other is expected to do. If you are 100% not willing to try then say so and explain why without making him feel like a weirdo or disgusting in anyway. This turns him off with you. Just as you would e if he told you what turns you on is nasty, disgusting, yuck, horrible, etc.

Be adventurous and live at times on the wild side. This enables you to be open-minded, free-spirited and grabs his attention unlike another. Learn him and suggest acts that cater to his personality, show him that you pay attention and ignore your friend’s advice; chances are that’s the wrong advice.

Sense of humor is important in turning a man on. Men love women that have wit, charm and a good laugh. He doesn’t mind being playful, no matter how tough he comes across as, he would love to be playful with just you. Humor is attractive, broaden your horizons and you will be a much happier woman in a wonderful place.
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Monday, November 16, 2009

Welcome to my world.....















What is it that makes a relationship successful? So many components and so many unanswered questions. We explore these worlds often with a blind eye or one tainted by societal norms and stereotypical flushings. What happens when these things do not work, when the questions that often flood our minds are not answered and at times we find ourselves afraid to ask? What happens when the choices we make doom us to repeat the failings that often plague our relationships of past? When do we become bold enough to ask, when do we become courageous enough to want more, to want better for ourselves and our partners?

Fasten your seat belts, you have entered the place that will not only dare to answer but will give you truth unlike any other.

Welcome.......
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