Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Dear MrLoverMan: I am having a real problem here and I hope you can help me resolve this before this situation gets more worser. I am really and totally in love with wonderful guy I met online and we had been talking for awhile now and I find him to be such a very down to earth and just a great person and I want to be truthful and up front with him tell him everything about me. I know what I'm doing is so wrong and I just know I'm going to lose this wonderful person and that he probably deserves someone far better than me and he says he loves me but I'm not the person who he thinks is. He's been hurt before and I don' think this is fair to him me doing this terrible, thing. Okay First I'm older than he is by 10 years, Ive never been married nor do I have any children. I am a very nice looking woman ok let's make that a big and beautiful woman(5'8) with a very nice personality who just wants to be happy and in love forever and somehow that's just not happening and there was a time that I was once so much in love with someone and that person was my life back a few years ago. So as of now there is no one in my life except this wonderful guy I'm talking about also we never met face to face yet. Back some years ago I never had a problem of getting a man and was outgoing in my late teen years up until a couple of years ago. I only had 2 relationships one when I was 17 in high school and a few years later on & that lasted a long time. I used to be shy and still am a little. Anyway this wonderful guy is honest about himself and I don't think he'll ever want to speak or hear from me ever again so I can't blame him I blaming myself for trying to be someone I'm not. I really do want to be with him but looks like that is never going to happen. I just want be happy and have someone to love me forever and me loving them. I know I should have just been myself and not no one else. When we talk we the conversations are always nice with no crazy stuff but I know I blew this my probably my one & only chance for true happiness. Can you help me on this?

Thank You,
Sign, Anonymous.
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is complex and one thing i will say is you can mislead this guy and hurt him later on in and lose him forever or take the chance in coming claen right away and trust in love. He sounds like a great guy and I am sure if you come clean and explain why you lied and why you were afraid to come clean for so long, he will hear you out. I wish I knew the exact outcome but we dont. You believe this is your true chance at a forever type of love? Well then you better earn it with some truth before the lie seeks in so deep that you lose him for good. Do not give up on him, and you must express yourself honestly and believe in love. You owe him the truth, you owe him to know about you fully as he has allowed you honestly into his life and his heart and you owe yourself the act to come clean. It is healing, tell him all he needs to know and I promise it will be healing. Ultimately you guys will have to meet, what are you going to do then? That surprise would ruin everything and you would definitely lose him. Before you ever meet him you need to come clean long before like ASAP. Please keep me posted as to what unfolds, good luck and I hope it turns out best for you guys, no matter where that ends.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am in fear of getting hurt. I haven't had positive experiences with dating men. I am currently finding that a protective shield goes up when I start to have feelings for someone. I find that I would like to meet someone, but I am scared that the person will hurt me so I pull back the minute I start to have feelings. I find that I over analyze and label every little behavior as an indication that the man is no good so it's easier to move on without him. I am able to let people in but then I pull back.. I feel very depressed when I am hurt so I decrease my chances by not being hurt by pulling back. I have problems brushing it off like some others are able to do. Is this normal behavior? Should I avoid dating? Should I take the chances of being hurt even if it's hard for me to bounce back and stay positive? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Sadly this happens more than it should and that’s what the trauma of heartache can do. I am very concerned here though because I know these feelings well and there a ways of overcoming, one is to consider a professional to speak to. There are things you are holding on to that you must let go in order to move forward and I’m not sure how far back they go. The fear of being hurt cannot and should not take more action than the willingness to be appreciated, learned about and loved. You are allowing the fear the paralyzing power that it should not have and I need you to take a stand from within. Take slow steps but strong steps, do not over assume anything about anyone and measure what it is that is being delivered to you. Do not allow this fear to mask your heart and your intelligence. Trust me, the fear that is so strong that it can shut you down or pull you back can and probably has hurt someone’s feelings whom didn’t deserve to be hurt. In order for you to be successful in dating, you must address the inner hurt that has empowered fear. You haven’t had positive experiences, re-cap them and ask what role did you play and work only on that. You cannot fix others but see if maybe you have taken wrong steps or approaches, this usually helps and allows one to heal and move forward. Some people are assholes and some are wonderful, it’s never easy to sort it out right away and at times disappointment and hurt lurk in the clouds waiting to loom in and enter our lives. There is also love, compassion, trust and understanding and they also wait to emerge from within because you have that within already. You must learn to let it surface and trust in yourself to analyze without over analyzing and assess accordingly and ask questions, feel the position and make decisions of rationale on not solely based on emotion. I wish you the best, please stay in touch to let me know how things turn out and good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, So, this is my question....I am in a "relationship" with this guy cause we are having sex. I was told by someone I know that even if you are having just a physical relationship with someone you are still in a relationship. So we dated in the past and we are recently just getting back in touch. No this is my problem..... I honestly like this guy I love the attention he gives me when he is around me, but that hasn't been much the case. I would love to be in a real relationship with him yet I don’t think that he is in that place right now. So I am not trying to be tooo much on him and I would love for him to wife me up but I do not know what to do. Should I stay and try to just be patient and wait or is this only ever going to be a physical relationship. Miriam

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Miriam,
First thing is that once the situation remains just a sexual relationship it often doesn’t progress because of its basis of sex. Yes you guys dated in the past but this relationship is based on sex and gives the message to the guy that he is being used for company and sex and it appears that he is embracing his role well,. The only way this changes for better or worse (and usually better) is to address it maturely. I have a saying I say (Mr. Lover Man exclusive LOL) “Never deny your mouth the chance to be the spokesperson for your heart”. With that being said, you must not live in your brain, assuming it will turn out find if you just let things happen, sometimes one must stand tall and make their position known and this is that time. If he doesn’t want more than you can either accept it as just sex or move forward without him but you well know where you truly stand. Don’t deny yourself truth. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am extremely busy and find that dating can be time consuming if you're seeking a serious relationship and not just a casual relationship. I'm unable to date several times a month like most singles that are eagerly looking for someone who is compatible. I am aware that I can observe things such as subtle cues or sexually explicit remarks to detect if a man is just interested in sex. The problem is that you can't always tell. I find it very frustrating receiving no callbacks because I wasn't intimate with him on the first date. Do you suggest that women who are looking for serious relationships discuss sex before going on the first date? I find it would save a lot of time, but I find the latter very uncomfortable. Any suggestions? E.C.

I will say that time is definitely an issue when establishing something concrete or serious in any matter. It definitely is frustrating not to receive a call back but I propose this, do not always wait for a call, and make a call if the interest warrants a call. From that call you will know where this person stands. Are you aware that about 20% of men that don’t call after a date feels that the woman wasn’t interested? That may be one situation you were in and never knew it. Of course one can say the guy should call and tough it up and find out but equally you can make the call. We are at points where the man and woman’s roles have been changed, mixed, morphed, played with and reconstructed to individual situations and for me that’s great. Try making a call to see where they stand, ask about a recap of the date, it’s safe and gives you a good standing ground. Sadly, one can never know all the time every person’s agenda if there is one and one cannot always find fairy tale romance but one can safely take chances. The topic of sex is very mature when approached right, but don’t just interject it to test a person’s interest because most people meet and date at first because of physical attraction. Good luck E.C.

.Dear Mr. Lover man, I have heard stories of people taking looking for a serious relationship so seriously that they go on several dates a week. The hunt for someone becomes almost a f/t job on the side. I have never taken that approach. Do you feel that people who are looking for a serious relationship should be eagerly looking for that special someone like it's a business? Or do you believe that you don't find that special someone when you're out hunting? What is your opinion? Does it really happen when you least expect it? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I honestly am a believer in beautiful stories and I believe in finding beauty in every story. There is not time nor distance to love or happiness, I often repeat that because it is something I have believed in with proof. As for the manhunt for love, that is something so many of us wish was such an easy mission. At times we seek out to find something and if we look hard enough we think we find it, even when it doesn’t exist. Dating is fine but multiple people a week to find “the one” sort of becomes misleading or makes one get burned out to the point of settling. I think every situation is individual and the rules of societal norms mean nothing. One may find love by multi-dating but I see that less often than by learning about one individual at a time. I have seen, heard and lived situations where love does happen when you least expect it, one should never make the assumption that anyone could be “The one” but should learn about people and see if there is enough to pursue. Good Luck Anonymous.

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