Dearest Mr. Lover Man, My concern is as far as BSDM I'm extremely fascinated with bondage sex especially when the woman is allowed to be dominate. I do watch bondage porn and get turned on by it. I have been dominated by a male before, worn a collar and leash, been tied, whipped, paddled, gagged, blindfolded etc. I have a wonderful man, that hasn't really tried it too much yet and is willing. I would like to be more in the dominate role as a female without turning him off from it. Such as him wearing a collar, tie him up, using the whip on him or the gag on him. I would even like to wear a strap on and he sucks the dildo. I would like to bring these ideas up him as gently as possible. It is something new, and I don't want to place him in an uncomfortable spot. It does turn me on and it would love to try and share this with him but it's more enjoyable when both parties agree. What are ways to address this issue where both of us can benefit? Thank you, Rose MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Rose
New sexual acts can tend to be uncomfortable and can even shift the direction of the relationship if delivered wrong. For example, asking a man to suck a dildo you have strapped on can shut him down or turn him off, however, during conversation, expressing why it turns you on, how much you appreciate it and showing him the porn you have watched without him may lead him to expanding his sexual horizons and stretch his willingness to please you in these ways. Now in this introduction, you must not be selfish at all. Consider his feelings, learn his sexual interest, his past, his every turn on and find a way to morph that and incorporate the two worlds so you both can make it everlasting. Many men may not give in for a while, some never but find common ground, do not be fussy or pushy because numbers show that’s some of the worst sex, when one party does not really want to do something and does it just to get it over with. Sex should never have any party in that frame of mind, ever. As for collars, whips, paddles and so forth, this is not something every person will enjoy, as a matter of fact; there is always an act someone will not enjoy. Teach yourself to be open-minded to it and to be willing to readjust and maybe tone down to welcome him into a world that may be foreign. You never know, you may be turning him on to some of the greatest sex he has ever had. Good luck, please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having this problem. Well I don’t really see this as a problem, but my friends do. I’m attracted to rugged looking men with beards, rough hands, rough complexion and simple talks. There are a few men who are after me, trying at me for a date, but I won’t let them; these men are clean cut well established educated men. Yet I’m just not into them. Their speech is a turn off. My friends all thinks that I’m crazy and that I need to have my head examine by a professional. What do you think? Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Allow me to say that this is not foreign at all. There could be so many things happening here and ill touch a few. There is a sexual perception about this type of man as opposed to the other which does not drive you, it is believed by many that the rugged man with simple talks are passionately aggressive and very sexually inclined and that could be a factor in the attraction. You mention that speech is a turn off for the educated man and that’s interesting and leads me to wonder how deep this goes. I do not think you are crazy but there is something underneath the surface that makes me wonder. I think that a professional assessment would not be bad and it may open you to answers. In the world we live in, Tarzan is much more attractive than Bill Gates. You know what you find attractive and many people look at status over inner substance but there should always be individuality in people that reach someone. Then there is the inferiority of dealing with someone well educated and with a certain “speech” and I wonder if that is what we are talking about here. I know men and women alike who deal with people financially inferior, educationally inferior in order to remain dominate and comfortable in their own skin. Seeking professional help for a session or two can guide into answers. Please keep me posted, good luck.
Mr. Lover Man.....I have been struggling with a question for the past 4yrs now. My fascination is with oral sex more so than vaginal or anal. I get more turned on by anything that concerns the mouth, face, hair, etc. As far as oral is concerned it's not a man eating my vagina, that's my hype. I get more aroused by sucking on my man's penis than him taking care of me. For me mentally it's almost like an obsession. I love giving oral to my man a few times thru out the day, while wearing a vibrator. I love deep throating, swallowing always being faced sexed and even waking my man up to it in the middle of the night. I also enjoy the open mouth gags, large dildos any large item being placed in my mouth. My friends often make jokes about me doing this so often esp. considering the fact I doing on my man more so than him giving me oral. I do enjoy him giving me oral but it turns me on more pleasing him. This has been an ongoing issue for me for a while. So my concern is, is there more going on as far as psychologically or could this just be my intense sexual preference? Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I will say that there are a few things going on here, I stand, applaud and commend your ability to want to please your man and finding great pleasure in it. Oral fixation is huge in the world, I know of cases where some people cannot have sex without oral leading the way first, there is a dominating/submissive position with oral sex. Usually the one giving the oral sex is the submissive in the unwritten role and it is a different pleasing for the individual receiving the pleasure. However, there comes a point where the role has reverse and the giver is the person in power, depending on the type of oral action. The oral movement does vary from the vaginal and anal cavities and allows a different control for the giver. I believe that control and that power to control another’s pleasures can be addicting and can also be pleasuring. I know of a woman who orgasms from giving oral sex to men and loves the control aspect. Could there be something deeper? Of course there is. There may have been a point where you may have been hurt, cheated on or used in some form and this has enabled you to feel stronger in holding on and gives you more control than you have had before this became a normal part of you. Gagging has become flattering and thrilling for men for many reasons and some cases I know, women have told me the filling of their mouths gives them a sense of strong role sexually. It is almost like a conquering feeling for them. Your friends critique should mean nothing; it’s what works for you and your man that counts here. Good luck with everything and please do not look at your sexual activity as a negative, it appears that you intend to please your partner, look to find pleasure in him pleasing you too. There is a great pleasure for him in doing so.
To Mr. Lover Man, Please tell me what is wrong with me, maybe it is not me, and so tell me what’s wrong with my man. He watches porn and I can’t stand it. I think porn is fake and slutty and does nothing but give men fantasies about woman that isn’t theirs. What can I do to take him away from porn because I don’t think it’s normal to watch porn when you have a girlfriend? This will make me happy. Danielle
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Danielle,
This is actually a question I have stumbled across more times than I thought I would and there are many reasons I have been asked. More importantly, before we go into it, I will say that there is absolutely nothing wrong or unhealthy with watching porn. Now of course I mean porn with consenting and legal adults acting while committing legal acts and anyone watching is a consenting adult. People can use porn in quite unhealthy ways but in your case you did not mention any being used. Your perception of porn is your view and really isn’t fair to him to impose this if that’s what you are doing. In a relationship there are ways to express concern without demoralizing ones interest. I feel that you need to dig within self here and find out what is it that you feel the competitive strike from women in porn for. Your disdain is so strong, yet I don’t see why? Do you feel jealous that he has an entertainment from watching other people perform sexually? Have you tried to communicate with him about this and try to understand his sexuality in total? In relationships good partners do so and I think you both should have longer talks and explore more about each other, express your concerns and don’t be afraid to use your sexuality to sway him away from the internet/television when he is in porn mode. He may just give you an overwhelming service. One last thing I want to address is that fantasies are not unhealthy either; many women have fantasies about actors and R&B singers, is this just as stupid in your book? You both have the right to have your needs addressed and attended to with full attention. State your concerns respectfully and allow him to do the same. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted.
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