Monday, December 27, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My girlfriend and I have been having ups and downs but I don’t think our problems should lead to cheating. She cheated on me saying I don’t spend enough time with her and I’m always tired, so I don’t have sex with her as much as she would like. What she doesn’t understand is that I am the only one working and I work extra shifts to take care of the household. She is saying she has needs and all this other nonsense that I really don’t want to hear. Should I walk away from this girl? Can people recover from cheating or should I just leave? I don’t deserve this, not the way I am working. I got my degree, I got my things together, I work hard, I drive and I don’t have problems with anyone. I love her but I keep getting from my boys to just bounce on her and not return. They say she needs me because she is unemployed and I should kick her out but I do love her. I am stuck, help me. Thank you Mr. Lover Man, “Confused Good Man”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Confused Good Man”,
Initially when someone finds out their partner is cheating, there comes this devastation within that just doesn’t seem to end. However, infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship. In order for infidelities to cease all parties have to analyze their positions in this and this does not take away the irresponsible disgusting nature of her actions but all parties must do some fixing. In your particular case she definitely did NOT take into account how hard you work or care enough about how you felt. She does NOT have a legitimate excuse to cheat as none exists but her excuse is one of the weaker ones. You have made your case for a man who is a good catch but you need to solidify that by putting your self-value forward and either kick her out or make things work. Either way you need to be more than the roof over her head. Maybe she should get a job and see how much more tired she would be and how much more she would appreciate what it is you do. However, I don’t know that she would do so for this relationship because the type of person that usually cheats for such a lame excuse is the type that continuously cheats. In my opinion I think you should weigh out the good and bad of today and make the decision based on that. I always say that when the costs outweigh the rewards, it’s time to abandon that old investment and make a new investment. Good luck and keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a good looking woman and I really am not trying to come off conceited or arrogant but I am a very attractive woman. The reason I say that is because I cannot figure out why is it that the two or three times my boyfriend and I have sex in a week, he has had to have a drink. Is it something I am doing wrong? What is it with guys with sex and alcohol? Please shed some light on this situation. Thank you, “Sober Lady Needs Sober Loving”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Sober Lady Needs Sober Loving”,
There could be a few reasons why this is taking place and before I enter into that, I want to explain a little about the correlation and misconceptions of alcohol and sex. For many years they have been almost synonymous in action in many cases. There is a short term affect with alcohol and sex that is almost a “dis”-inhibiting effect if you will. This allows the person to somewhat loosen up and feel more comfortable about sex. Of course this isn’t taking drunks into account, but I’m talking about in smaller amounts. There is also a loosening in conversation within sexual communication. There even has been studies that showed that people who taken certain drinks and was told there was a small amount of alcohol in it (Even though there were none) were more sexual than normal. This leads back to the reason why your boyfriend feels the need to get his drink on before engaging sexually. Maybe your beauty intimidates him or his sober performance pales in his mind to his performance with a little alcohol in his system. Whatever the case is, this can come to an end with little drama. First thing is that you have to talk to him effectively. Express your concern for you and him as a unit with him drinking. Find out if he has additional stressors he isn’t discussing that may lead to his drinking. Remind him of your support to him as a couple. Reassure him that the alcohol is not needed in any case when he is with you and you prefer him sober and then show him why you prefer him sober. Catch him by surprise and make it amazing. Remind him of how great it can be sober and then afterwards sweetly reiterate your position. The long term effects are horrible but in this case we don’t want to use that to try and scare him, that won’t work. Great communication is the key. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a relationship. My boyfriend works hard but he doesn’t make much money and it gets frustrating for me because I feel like we should have more. He is a faithful good man but I wish he would get a better job. Right now there is this guy who wants to do the world for me and wants to buy me things I want and it gets more tempting as the days go by. I like gifts and things but I don’t know what to do. I know my man is good but I feel like I should have more. This other guy has money and I know he will be able to buy the things I want. What should I do? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Anonymous”,
I am almost tempted to call you a gold-digger in my best Kanye West impersonation but I’ll pass. Someone once said there is never enough money, with that being said, when you are showered with gifts, what happens next? You want cars and property? How about you get a job and earn these things yourself? Or is that degrading for you? You have a hard working man and for whatever reason that isn’t good enough for you and that’s ok, you are entitled to wanting more but you should take part in being more yourself before you talk about other people’s short comings. At least he is employed in the recession while you are seeking free gifts. You really need to evaluate the bigger picture, this man’s work ethic just may be rewarded with bigger things than even your gift wishing ways can fathom. You can sit him down and talk about the direction of the relationship honestly and on top of that add in your discontent with his work position but only do so if you have a solution that allows you to be of financial assistance and not just sideline gift wishing. Be a part of the solution and not run to another problem. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My boyfriend spends more time on his PS3 than he does on me and I am tired of it. I am two seconds from throwing it out the window and giving him a piece of my mind. What’s wrong with him? I want more sex but he is always having his fingers on the wrong buttons. He needs to grow up and look at this here and do something before I find someone who will. What should I do to get him to give me more attention? Advanced Thanks, “I’m More Than A Game”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I’m More Than A Game”,
This unfortunately happens more than I would like to admit. Neglect is one of the leading causes of a failed relationship but can easily be thwarted with strong communication and a better plan of timing in your relationship. You have to express to him the neglect you feel and how much you miss the attention you once received from him. Express why you miss it and what it would mean to you to have it back. Do not put an either the game or me in his face because this conversation isn’t about challenging, it’s about repairing. He can have game time but it should never outweigh your time. Work out time where he can have game time but where it doesn’t affect the time you deserve. This isn’t something that should destroy your relationship if communicated well and honestly. Good luck and keep me posted.

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