Monday, December 21, 2009

Questions that need answering

Mr. Lover Man,

I know you and you me, I follow u on Twitter. My question is can a man and woman really be just friends without sex. I have a male friend who I really like and we talk and have fun together. Laugh and joke, and I feel very comfortable with him. No sex, I'm married with children, he's not, but has "fuck buddies". I like him and enjoy our time together. Do u think we can just be friends and continue to enjoy our friendship? I hope so. Take care.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous

The question is ever ongoing and it is a definite YES. However, that doesn’t mean that this friend will not cross lines or you will. I wonder with this question posed with this individual in mind, do you have intentions to cross lines. If so, you need to weigh out your marriage and family life and realize the hurt this will cause. It is possible to be friends with him and no one can cross lines. I know this well, ironically most of my friends are females with lines uncrossed because friendship has value and because other avenues of life have value. Never lose the value and you both have potential to be great friends always. Best of luck. Let me know how it turns out in time.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am wondering two questions, one) how can I improve my orgasm and two) How do I know if I am good enough for my man in oral sex? From:Curious

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Curious,
To the first question, you should know that one in four women have difficulties achieving orgasms. Foreplay is known as the greatest weapon in successful improvement in orgasms, also it is a great idea to find and experiment with sexual positions that stimulate g-spot and clitoris. Learn to tighten and strengthen your pelvic muscles, sort of like if you are stopping yourself from urinating, in sessions of 12. Repeat this practice 8-10 times a day to yourself and you will see an incredible improvement. Second question, when you invite yourself down to service your partner orally, use verbal stimulation, remind him how much it pleases you to do this, tell him how badly you want his hardness in your mouth, that already gives you a mental edge. Use confidence, grip his manhood with your hands and mouth as if letting him know unspoken that he is in for the oral treatment of his life. You should moan in pleasure as well while taking him in your mouth, slide your hands up and down his rod while you engulf him orally, and give him eye contact. Don’t wink, that’s corny and cheesy LOL. Use one of your hands to fondle and caress his testicles, giving it almost equal attention, shift your body and work your mouth in different angles. Switch up sucking, licking, stroking, mix orders, throw him off course and you will give him an eye rolling sucking for the ages. Good luck and enjoy this act.

Mr. Lover Man,
I’m wondering, when men go down on me and give me oral sex, how do I even know if I taste good to them or if I smell good? Thank you. Natalie

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Natalie,
You should know that men LOVE and I mean absolutely LOVE the smell and taste of a freshly washed vagina. Are you aware that men are turned on y natural aromas of partners more than sprays and things? It is true, studies support this. The best way to ensure that there isn’t any unnecessary sweat or smells is to shower with soap and water before hand. Make showering together a part of foreplay and then take it to the bed, the floor, the kitchen or wherever and this will give you the freshness that will keep him feasting longterm. Good luck.

Mr. Lover Man,
7 years ago I dated this man for 2 years that I thought was 'the one' then we started to drift apart and things just kind of slowly faded away. I always thought about him over the years and never really got over him (probably because we never had closure). I would wonder if there was something I could've should've done, he told me back then that I 'let him get away with too much' and I've learned over the years that sometimes I can be too independent and don't always let a man be a man. I also remember him telling me that he had never been in a monogamous relationship, he's always cheated! We reconnected earlier this year and I found out that he got married 4 months after we stopped seeing each other (he's since told me he was dating the both of us plus a few others at the same time). He has apologized for the way things ended and that I had to find out from a mutual friend that he's married & has 2 little ones. He says he walked away because he couldn't deal with some of the financial things that I was going through and things with my sons father (which I don't get because I never asked him for a dime and never brought him anything i was going through to try and be my problem solver, and he was going through more drama then me with his daughters mother). I'm a couple years older then him and I think he felt that I should've been more financially & materially accomplished at my age then I was at the time (especially since he was). The woman he ended up marrying is his age, had no kids at the time, and was making decent money like him. She is also not someone I would've ever pictured him marrying, he says he gets that a lot from family & friends. He is all into his appearance & she's very plain jane and not too attractive. Now here we are in our mid and late 30's and we've been in constant communication for almost the past year, no physical contact but admittedly there's feelings still here on both parts but I definitely don't want to be a part helping to destroy a marriage nor am I going to play 2nds to anybody and I've told him all of this. He tells me he hasn't cheated on his wife; our mutual friend implies something different. Things he says leads me to believe he has cheated, like he has talked about how his wife will accuse him of sleeping with women he says are his friends, he complains that she doesn't have enough sex with him, she told him if it wasn't for their kids she would've divorced him by now, yet he says he doesn't want to get a divorce because he wants his kids to grow up in this ideal family and he wants to come home to them and see them grow up everyday etc etc. Then I can't contact him by phone, I lost his number years ago & he won't give it to me again because he says he doesn't want me 'caught up in his web' - when i questioned that he said because his wife will think he's sleeping with me cause she thinks that about most of his female friends. I haven't really had a relationship since him, dates here and there but no one important enough that I’ve introduced my son to or anything. Luckily my son was pretty small when me & this man ended so he doesn't remember him. It's been about a year since we've been back in touch and I've seen him maybe 3 or 4 times, he's never tried anything but he's always bringing up what we used to do, places we used to go, fun we used to have, he tells me he loves me, and really cares about me. He was contacting me just about every day, a few months ago i couldn't take it anymore and was feeling bad about this emotional bond we're starting to have again, I told him we needed to end all communication & he needed to focus on his marriage and stop talking to me about his problems since he doesn't want a divorce, it's hard enough for us as black women to get married and I don't want to hurt her...or be hurt myself! I told him to get back in touch with me if he ever ended up divorced. He said he understood & would respect my decision and that lasted about a month! He called me a month later with some bs excuse and we've been in communication again, not daily this time but still! I'm more mentally, spiritually, emotionally mature now then I was 7 years ago, make more than 3 times what I was making then and I wonder if all of this is making him think he should've hung in there, or if he's just looking for some excitement again since kids can really change a relationship. Their kids are only 2 and 3.
I don't know how to handle my feelings and it hurts to see someone you love love someone else & have a family with them (I've told him all this)...a part of me is jealous that this woman has the life I wanted with this man - the marriage, kids, house, cars, vacations, family life, the day-to-day bustle etc, then I wonder if it's just that I'm lonely because I haven't found anyone that I'm that compatible with again, it's probably a combination of all of this and I don't know how to deal with these feelings. Some days I'm fine and loving life but then some days it just hits that I want this life with this man, I'm getting older with no prospects of a husband in sight & I'm constantly getting the 'why are you still single? I can't believe you're still single!!' from him and everyone else. Will no good come out of just remaining friends with him? Once a cheater always a cheater? Does he really love me & care like he claims?? Do I need to end all contact with him and if so, how do I finally get him out of my heart if feelings have still lingered after all these years and I truly care about him as a person?? :(

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
It is safest to detach from this individual. The idea of anything ever happening between you two are u healthy and put so many others hearts at risk. It doesn’t seem like his heart has as much room for you as yours does for him. It seems like he wants to get as much of the old “moments” as he can. If he makes attempts of contact against your wishes and even though married, it shows the level of honor and respect this man has and this is a guaranteed recipe for disaster. The mutual friend is another component that doesn’t sit well with me, this friend is reporting different news than this person and I really think you should not be concerned with who he has in his life because you are going to ruin many hearts. I do not think he loves you as he says because actions have always been the best spokesperson for love. People are able to change, that’s a fact, however, he doesn’t seem to have reached that point and you cannot bring him there. He must want it and he doesn’t right now.
As far as you being single, that is something that can be changed, are you looking for another of “him”? That is failure waiting to happen. Maybe you should speak to a professional, if not you should search within and take time to find what you want and need from your inner soul. You being jealous lingers within and can corrode the soul. Be strong and take time to find happiness inside and this will attract better men and people around you. I wish you the best. Please let me know how this plays out.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
So I have been trying to stay away from sex. I have found that it was my escape to everything in my life. I am not a slut and my numbers are not up there, but I am soooo damn frustrated that I do not know what to do. I am not trying to repeat the same mistakes as my past and have sex for the sake of having sex. What should I do? No name.

Using sex as an escape does not get rid of problems; it gives a moment of a better activity but not a solution. When engaging, one should know why this activity takes place and one should have a connection that isn’t an escape alone. When sex becomes an escape, it robs you of the emotional value of doing the most remarkable physical acts with the one you love and takes from the beauty of the entire act. Of course a good pounding is great for you but can pale in comparison to a good pounding from someone who wants to please you for you and not being used as an escape from everything in your life. I hope the best for you, consider seeing a professional, it will help for sure. Keep me posted.


Miz T. said...

Ok here's my thing on the cleanliness of the vagina when a man goes down on a woman. True,always wash with soap and water because u don't need perfume sprays or douches the natural aroma is all good and as long as you don't have any foul odors or discharges(Means it could be an infection down there)also,the taste that he will get is new juices that you will make & they will taste better and nicer.You can also eat fresh fruit and or yogurt at least an hour before he goes down on you anything sugary makes it more yeasty. Hope this helps.

Miz T. said...

I think you can improve your orgasm by inserting your finger into your vagina just up to the knuckles and finding your PC muscles and also as mentioned earlier pretending or urinating that you can stop the urine flow and all the while doing this your man is stroking his hard as a brick penis watching you pleasuring yourself while making those "Ooh Ahh" sounds and telling him how much you want him inside you so very badly,talk dirty. You can also stimulate you breast nipples that can also make a female orgasm. So open those legs wide where your man can see his lady releasing her juices.

misunderstood_star said...

I need advice ... im IN LOVE WITH 3 MEN. and i cant seem to choose which one that i really want to be with. One makes me happy as a friend and more, the other is EVERYTHING that I could ask for , and the other is just everything that i want but don't need.... help...

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