TIME TO LET IT GO

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

Recently I broke things off with the guy I was seeing. (We will call him Robert) I was really into him, but I just couldn't seem to see where he was into me and decided to stop wasting my time. After almost 9 months, I got tired of the extreme effort. I moved on and have been meeting some absolutely wonderful guys who are real gentlemen. It was not until I broke up with Robert that he actually started to show emotion. Before he was just hard on the exterior. I believe it was because he had been hurt in the past and didn't want to be hurt again. I felt it unfair that he would be emotionally detached with me because of his wanting to guard his heart. I tried to show him that I was genuine as much as I could. I mean we've all been hurt before at com point, right? The issue here is that since I broke up with him, Robert wants to see me again. We've gone out a few more times. He is extremely communicative; He wants to make a lot more time to see me and is more affectionate. He doesn't want to let go. My problem is that my feelings have changed to the complete opposite. I feel nothing for him anymore. He wants a second chance but I am not interested. I don't want to hurt his feelings. How do I find the words to tell him that I just don't feel anything for him anymore?
Signed, After The Love Has Gone


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “After The Love Hs Gone”
Sadly the time of emotional has arisen and departed at different times and the harsh truths that we hate to deliver must be given. One thing I always believed is that when giving news that could potentially hurt, two things must be measured, one is, the truth must always be told, no matter what. The second thing is trying to find a way to deliver the news in a way we would like to receive it with the least amount of pain as possible, because truth is, there will be pain. Do not mislead, and as you do so, speak that these are your feelings entirely and it may not be a direct reflection of who he is today but that the waves have shifted to a different part of the ocean. We always use these terms “keep it real” and when these hard times to do so come along; we want to keep it safe. This is your test to keep it real and safe. You once loved his heart; remember that when trying not to crush it so bad. However, always be honest about it. Good luck with this and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If I could tell you how many times me and my boyfriend broke up you would probably give me a tongue lashing. I don’t know why I can’t stay away. He has cheated on me (that I know of) 5 times and I just want to believe that he will change for us and we can just settle down. He says he has protected sex with them and gets mad if I suggest using a condom. So I give up and then I’m worried for 3 months while testing for std’s. I want him to realize that I am a good woman and to give up the trash and to settle down, what can I do different because I think I’m doing it all. From: Love Hurts


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love Hurts”
You are in a dangerous place as your situation can at any moment turn life threatening. Your submission to this man’s sexual rant about condom usage (or lack thereof) can give you an irreversible STD that you will forever regret. You wish him to give up the trash for you, yet he treats you as such, you need to find yourself worth. This man has too much power over you and not only knows it but abuses it anytime he can. You gave him a get out of jail free card more times than a monopoly board offers. When do you come first? When do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve more? How far gone are you into this man’s grip that he can abuse you mentally and stomp on your soul? You may need to seek professional help and vent, you may need a shoulder but you do NOT need him. Stand tall and find your soul. He will never change for you, he can only change for him and he has yet to seek that. You need to change this situation by safely removing yourself from it and finding a safe zone of serenity. You deserve better, I need you to believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it finally over? When can I move on and not think about my ex? I try to date women and it seems that everyone I date I end up finding something similar about something I didn’t like about my ex or something different that they don’t have that my ex has. We broke up a month ago and it was hard because we been inseparable for 3 years. She broke my heart and I tried dating right away to get over the hurt, my friends suggested that but it isn’t working. What can I do to move on?
Thank you, Outta My Mind


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Outta My Mind”
Breaking up is never the easiest for everyone. Accepting it is over and facing heartbreak can manipulate one to believe they have lost and feel defeated, and we tend to run somewhere fast to fill voids we believe are empty. Your friends may mean well with their suggestions but they don’t know what’s best. Time to heal for self is most important, time to detach is great. Looking at this situation as a victory in avoidance of a greater hurt later on should be your perception. You are hurt now but I’m sure had you not faced this hurt now, it would have been devastating tenfold later. Be stronger than your situation, you should want more but you have to heal your soul. Learn to understand that everyone is an individual and not everyone has the same storyline your ex does. If you look for it, you will find it, even if it doesn’t exist. She is not the epitome of women; she is not the statue of standard. You need to learn women as who they are, not as whom they aren’t in comparison to your ex. Please keep me posted. Good luck.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex fiancé seems to always slither his way back into my bed. I know he loves me but he does things that hurt so much. We were a couple for 4 years then got engaged for a year. In the 5 years I watched a good man become a cheating man. I do see his potential for being the good man that he was in the beginning and I think that is what draws me back to him. He is so nice at times and we have good sex, but it seems like something happens after that because by the morning he is cold to me. I don’t know if it is me or maybe it is because I’m lacking something sexually but I try anything he wants. What am I doing wrong? How can I make this work?
Signed, I Need Strength


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I Need Strength”
There is a strong sense that you mislead yourself more than he does, that you create this fictitious sense of who this guy is to allow you to embrace your role he imposed upon you as the victim. This needs a professional assistance in stronger portions than one question being asked. You say he loves you and everything he does suggests otherwise. You seek and wait for a man he once portrayed instead of seeing the man he is. And honestly calling him a man is a major disrespect to real men out there. This “male” is nice at sex time and cold when he is no longer hot and horny and you accept it, so of course he will continue to use you as easy accessible sex. You are not showing your true worth, you are allowing him to determine what that is and he has no right. You empower his cold weak cowardly shell and you wait for him to become more. He is not more than the trash he shows you he is. You need to take the time to love yourself more and to take back the power he has over you. Love doesn’t hurt, and that is a true indication that he doesn’t love you other than sexually, if he even loves you for that. You are worth so much more; you are amazing beyond your belief. You are a Queen and should be treated as such. Women make us men better and true men recognize this and you have not received that because he is NOT a true man. Want more, detach from this idiot and have more from life. Please. I recommend that you seek professional help in some fashion. Please keep me posted. Good luck.