Tuesday, February 22, 2011


How far would you go to avenge your broken heart? How far are you willing to take a situation when the one you claim to love has broken your heart? When is it enough?

Unfortunately in many situations, the end is inevitable and too often there are those that cannot accept the concept of an end to a relationship. In such cases some have keyed cars, have approached new relationships with bitterness and even approached their ex’s new love with rumors and lies to keep him/her as unhappy as the self. What about the unheard victim such as children or family? When is it enough?

One particular story I am aware of finds a man whom is tired of his relationship and wants an end to it. The mother of his 6 year old son has broken the final straw by cheating on him and he is done with her.

This didn’t sit well with her and the thought of her being without him sent her to a state of mind that even her child’s father never thought possible. She has taken the child and disappeared. The father tries to contact her, but, to no avail as she ignores it knowing the hurt he would feel and that it should match what she felt with him leaving her. She ignored the fact that her son has begun to be affected by this psychologically.

After a period of days of no contact and filing a missing persons report only to be told that it is not kidnapping because she is the mother, the father felt exhausted and alone. He turned to the family court system for assistance. In doing so further infuriating his son’s mother, she decided to “up the ante” and called the police on him with a report of abuse and fabrications of past abuse that he allegedly committed onto her person.

She was thinking “This is what he gets for going to court”, unfortunately the man is arrested, held on bail until bailed out and had to fight this court case for about two years before being proven innocent of such horrendous false charges. Now one may think that it is justice that he was proven not guilty but so much has happened in the two yrs and thousands of dollars invested in proving his innocence. The mother did not serve him with a court summons and claimed she did and in doing this, the father never showed to court, granting her an order of protection for her and their son for two years by default because he never showed up.

As she was feeling a victory on her side, she neglected the psychological trauma and hurt being inflicted upon her child. Instead she comforted herself with other men.

She found herself pregnant and unsure of the father so she pinned it on someone she liked most. This man has two kids of his own and she does her best to make the kids like her, neglecting her own in the process. This continues to affect the psyche of the child she carried for 9 months, all in the wrath of avenging a broken heart.

The courts deny him custody, as his criminal case (although proven not guilty) biased the family court judge and only allows him after a year and a half of no contact to see his child every other weekend.

There is considerable damage here to this relationship of father & son but unbeknownst to the mother, her relationship with her son has begun been damaged as well. In her conquest to “show him” a thing or two for leaving her, she forgot to be a mother.

Time passes and the father and son have bonded as strong as before and sadly the son begins to express all the hurt he endures in his setting with two step siblings who constantly pick on him and a half sibling who has taken all the attention. He is not allowed to play sports because no one has time to take him or pick him up from extracurricular activities, he has become sheltered within and is now being bullied in school and only feels safe every two weekends.

The school refuses to intervene as the father pleas to investigate the bullying as they are also biased by the fathers previous order of protection to stay away from his child and mother of his child. Once again the son suffers. So I ask again, when is it enough? And wouldn’t moving on have been not just the smartest choice but the one that displayed the most strength? Taking the evil vengeful way has consequences but unfortunately isn’t thought clearly when one is in heartbreak mode.

What would you have done and when is this type of behavior enough?

I dare and challenge you to comment.


Dee Grease said...

I have been, on 2 occassions, the bitter, broken hearted. And, although, I dont have kids with either man, and I dont believe i would have reacted in such a way if I did have a child, it is inexcusable behavior.I suppose I can say that I had used up all my strength in the love I showed in the relationship and at that point I had none left in me. Instead the pain turned to rage. I have never known love before and having been betrayed in both cases, it was even harder for me to understand that sometimes there is an end. That sometimes, people grow apart from one another, or maybe one just doesnt have the heart he once did. I broke into a house, destroyed property that I had once owned. With the other, I worked harder at destroying his ego than I ever had at any love I had shown. In the end, I was still alone. There is no battle to be won in a caSe where love is lost (or maybe never really existed). I wish I could say that I would never have done these things if I had a child as a result of a relationship. But, the truth is, I am not sure if even with a child I would have learned the important lesson of letting go. Today, I only hope that I have grown into a woman of more dignity and less pride. The important thing to always remember is that the pain of the loss of love is temporary. But the regret of paying with an eye for an eye can resonate until forgiveness is expressed. and sadly, some things are unforgivable.
Sure we can all judge and say what we think we would do in a situation like this, but in all honestly, no one knows how strong they are until that is the only choice they have. And sometimes, we arent all as strong as we think.
Let's just hope that this woman has learned her own lesson in love for self and for her own child. And bless his father for never giving up.


Thank you for sharing.. I think these examples arent used a judgin pieces but as tools of an educational learning process because someone reading it has been through it or knows someone who has and Im honored you shared with us your story. Sometimes we do not know how we would react to certain things but can condition ourselves well in advance with acquired skills in self love, anger management & and various other forms of emotional intelligence that can be used in some in the future. I have seen anger, have been angry (as we all have) and often the decisions made in that stage rarely fare well. In this particular situation, her trying to destroy the father of her child is slowly destroying her relationship with her son and I hope anyone that reads this remembers the importance of that element most. Thank you much.

Anonymous said...

One has to think before having a family. A family is A FAMILY, not just a woman (or a man) and YOUR CHILDREN. Your partner is not the way to have kids and then throw away. When the situation turns into this, it's already too late, there's no way that kid won't get really messed up in his head. Both parents are serious a**holes.

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