Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need intervention. My husband of 12 years is always talking down to me and now I see that my 10 year old son is emulating his father and isn’t respecting me and I am so tired of it all. I try to put my son in his place but his father doesn’t help and I don’t know what to do. I just wish his father would say something. I feel alone. Help me. Thank you. “Mom with no place”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mom with no place”,
First thing, your name is a falsehood as you have an integral place in your home and in society. You are the backbone of this country and you need to feel that. There are insensitivities that many people impress upon us and it exists because we have allowed this for too long. I am very sure that this isn’t something that just happened and you have allowed this to fester and grow into what it is today. Can this change? Of course. How will it change? You will take a stand. You will sit your husband down and finally express the truths that your soul hides, you will demand his support, you will inject you authority and you will let him know how much his support means. Express to him how tired you are and that you can not stand for it any longer, even if it means you can’t be in this neglectful relationship. Express your hurt and your expectations. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. After you address your husband, then sit your son down and give him the new rules. You do not allow this behavior again. You impose reactions to his negative actions. You must express your love and how much hurt this is causing. You need to be honest and allow love in communication to save your family. You need to heal from within or you can’t be the backbone that this world needs. I wish the very best for you, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I wasn’t gonna even send this but with all this in the media about gay bashing I felt I should anonymously express my situation. I am a closet gay male and where I’m from this is not the most popular thing to be. I tend to pretend I’m not gay because people are not accepting of this lifestyle. I even pick on the gay kids with other bullies so that way they never pick on me. I’m tired and I want to come clean. The truth is I’m scared. I like to read your blog and I see that you are tough. Maybe that’s what I need so I am here. I wish I could just come out and the world was more accepting. I know my mama isn’t gonna be mad because her brother (my uncle) is gay and we love him. My mama is good and I am comfortable telling her but the only reason I haven’t is because it will spread. My mama is the project gossip lady but everyone loves her though. So what should I do? This is my last year in high school, do you think I should just wait and leave high school first? That’s my thought. Thanks for your opinion. Sincerely, “Trapped In The Closet”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Trapped In The Closet”,
I am aware of the horrific events that flood the media. I am glad you allowed that to push you to reach out. We live in a world where there will always be someone who is less than accepting of something we do or who we are at all times. That should never hold us back from being who we are or accomplishing goals of high magnitudes. You are in a situation that either way can be complex for a period of time. One, you can come truthful, release you soul, freely allow the world to know who you are truly and detach from those that are not willing to accept who you are because they are not good people. Not good enough to embrace people for whom they are and you do NOT need people like that in you life. You can opt for number two and that is to keep this a secret and live a lie, be a fraud, live in fear, walk on eggshells, help pick on people who need you, hang out with lame ass idiots who aren’t good friends and keep you soul imprisoned. You need to want to live free. People have died so you can make this a way of life. You have the right to exist freely. You need to see a school guidance counselor and dean before coming out, express your concerns and inform them of the activities going on. You can use this moment as a ground breaking moment. Be the change you want your school and world to have. You want to live free then step forward. You want to feel safe, then keep yourself circled with true people that are not ignorant and accept you as who you are. You want to counter the negativity you have spilled while cowardly hiding in your own prison, then make a pact and apologize. This must come from you. You have the power to be better and in doing so, empowering others to be better. Please live free. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know what it is about me but I am always the overlooked one of all my friends. I feel inferior and inadequate when we go out like if no one will pay me any attention and that usually ends up being the case. What can I do to shake this feeling? Thanks ahead of time “Invisible Man”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Invisible Man”,
The biggest reason is you. There comes a time when you have to lean who you are and that means the best you. The best you can stand in a crown with the best them. Anytime and always, but I do not know the best you because you effuse to let it surface. If you feel inferior then you will be inferior, if you feel inadequate then that is who you will be. How you feel seeps out your pores and is felt by others and if you don’t value yourself no one else will. You need to lean you, there is something great within and only you can let that free. You will be stuck and paralyzed to this feeling because you give it power. What are you going to do? What do you really want? Do you want to cry and wine and hope attention just falls in your lap or are you going to take control of the situation by taking control of your life? Those individuals are not better than you, the only thing is they know that no one is better than them so thy show it. No get up and show it. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m in a verbally abusive relationship. I know I deserve more (I read your blogs all the time) but the thing is my family loves my man. My friends think he is wonderful and I feel like he won over my entire circle. I want to go to someone but I feel like all my friends are now his friends and my family would take his side. Who do I run to? I can’t take it anymore. Help “Who Do I Trust”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Who Do I Trust”,
This is not a situation that is comforting, yet, neither is being the recipient of verbal abuse. You are not with this guy to please your family and friends, if they want him so much let them date him. You need to come forward because verbal abuse often leads to physical abuse and honestly, even if it doesn’t, it is still unhealthy, demeaning and unwarranted to receive this treatment. You need to start with your family. You will be surprised at how at times something like this can bring the bond back. You can’t battle this alone. Come forward and after going to family, you need to detach and depart from your abuser. Staying there gives him the power to keep you an emotional captive and forces you to be his verbal punching bag. Only you can make this change. Your friends are the least of the three concerns you express but ultimately express to them who this actor is, who this man is in front of them isn’t who he is when doors are closed. Your true friends will stand by your side, the frauds wont and you can charge eliminating the frauds to this experience. Communicate effectively to your family, friends and your abuser. Take a stand; let him know how this made you felt and why you won’t stand for it anymore. Do so with your family present, show your abuser force. Show him you are not alone and deny him any rationale for his actions. Nothing justifies this. Good luck and please keep me posted.

1 comment:

Salisbury said...

To "Who Do I Trust" My best friend was in a similar relationship where all her family and friends loved her man but he wasn't treating her the way it should be. My small piece of advice would be to remember it's YOUR life and YOUR feelings. Your family should love you for you as well as your friends and respect any decision you make. It's more harmful for you to stay in that relationship and the people that really love you would agree. You will also find out more about the people you surround yourself around when you are honest and from there you can know who to trust, who to love and who you are.

To Mr.Loverman, another FABULOUS blog my dear.

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