Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have a dilemma; my girlfriend says I want sex all the time. I don’t see an issue with that. How can we grow if we don’t explore our sexual needs? She keeps telling me I am a sex addict and it is not helping the relationship. What’s the real definition of a sex addict and how can I make her want more sex? Thank you.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Carl”,

Let’s start by clearing the air on what a sex addict is. A sex addict is someone who has an overwhelming need for sex. We are not talking large appetite for expressing passion but a need so extreme that it interferes with work, relationships, home, friendships, etc., Many sex addicts engage is very risky behavior and up the ante of risk as time progresses. They want sex in places and situations that calm be dangerous and behaviors that follows; compulsive masturbation, countless one night stands, extra-marital affairs, anonymous sex partners, voyeurism and exhibitionisms.

Now that we got that out the way, I don’t know how extreme you are in this category and you are probably not, however, you girlfriend is expressing an issue you must not ignore. What she is really saying is that she feels like nothing more than a sex partner and doesn’t feel you are doing enough in other areas to make this work. If you really want to make this work and get her to come closer to your sexual needs, you have to do two things; the first is to make sure you fulfill her needs outside the bedroom. She clearly is crying out for you to step up in that department. Show her you are man enough to answer the call. The second is to make the sex about her, make her really want it because she is the object of worship. Now your response determines how serious you are about making this work. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I am a happily married woman. I demand more sex than my husband is able to deliver. My husband is great in bed but for some reason, no matter how many times I climax, I am rarely satisfied. I am satisfied for the moment, then shortly after I could go for some more. I can imagine your readers thinking “this is a great woman to have” but the problem is that I can’t control myself. I have been unfaithful to my husband more times than I can remember or count. I don’t know the names of some of the men and many are friends of his or mine. I am afraid to lose him but it seems when sex is propositioned, I cannot refuse. I do not know how. Even when my mind says it is wrong, my body opens up. Someone suggested sex therapy and it sounds like something I need but what I need to know is what exactly is sex therapy and how will it help me?

Appreciation. From Lana. (Not my real name).

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Lana”,

I don’t know that I have to go in depth about how unsafe your behavior is. You are continuously exposing yourself to danger and diseases and exposing your innocent husband to diseases as well. (If it hasn’t already entered the relationship).
One thing I always commend people on is their willingness to get help and the acknowledgement that there is a problem. You have done both and must continue to move in the direction to save your life and possibly that of your husbands.
As for sexual therapy, it is a form of relationship therapy that directly takes on sexual intimacy and sexual problems. What you have is safe to say is a sexual problem. Therapy addresses either the lack of o the excess of; it can involve your partner or just directly be on you. Let me be clear that the role of a sex therapist is not to change someone's sex drive or orientation, but to help them maximize their potential for satisfaction and happiness and there are specific programs designed to help couples and individuals work through their sex-related issues. In your case, it would be to assist in you not just acknowledging your maximum potential in making better choices but to give you the ability to be in control again. Will you have thoughts and urges? Of course but you will also have choices and options that you do not feel you control right now. Its talk therapy and it does work. Please move forward in seeking help and understand the risks you put your husband in as well as yourself. If you guys have a family, you have to think about that. The choices of partners (although cheating is wrong generally) is humiliating to your husband should he ever find out. Please seek help. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I don’t know what it is but I have the urges to masturbate pretty much all the time as much as I can. I find myself sneaking off in work bathrooms and other places I do not want to admit. The thing is I feel ashamed afterwards and that is what’s telling me that I have an issue. Here’s the kicker, I am not single and I believe that my girlfriend and I have a healthy sex life. We are active and it is good sex. It is when she is not around that I feel like I have to please myself. I don’t know if I have a question but I am wondering how far I have gone. Thx.
Harvey No last name.
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Harvey No Last Name”,
There are things that must be considered, the first being that you are masturbating at work. This reeks of problems. The lack of control at your workplace sends alarms that you do have a problem and I will tell you that it can spiral further out of control than it already has. There are positives that do say you are not lost and can be in control again. Your masturbation isn’t taking the place of or causing problems in your relationship and sex life with your girlfriend. Now I’m wondering, is the masturbation connected to you watching porn on your cell, at work, home etc., is it from fantasies you conjure up in your mind, photos or conversation? The reason I ask is that when we connect the cause we can reduce the affect. You should discuss these issues with a professional, just to get a sense of the next direct step. Often counseling in this field works wonders for many people. I don’t want to see you lose your job and this progress to harm your relationship. Seek professional sessions while it is in the stage it is in. You don’t want it to get worse. Good luck and keep me posted.


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