TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I need some help on how to get over this guy that I’m really into. I know its love and I really can’t stop thinking about him. I have had this feeling for about 9 months. We had a great sexual experience and we went out a few times but have been friends before that.

We ended up having a huge argument that was pointless and then we stopped talking for a while. He now has a girlfriend who he loves. I love him. I’m a beautiful woman and many other guys have asked me out but I just want him. I know I can't have him. How can I get over him?? Sally

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sally,

This is one of those unfortunate situations where no matter what is said, it won’t feel right because you have your heart and mind set on what you want. Reality offers a different option than one you wish for. If this was a cheesy movie, someone would tell you to go for yours and take what’s yours but the reality is that he has moved on and is open about loving his present girlfriend. I think it is safe to say he is happy. His happiness should make you smile if the love is real. I know it hurts but one way of getting over someone is to reprogram yourself to do so. Every time you have thoughts of him, you must remind yourself at that very moment that it cannot be. You have to constantly tell yourself this and it slowly removes the hope, the want and the wishing of something that will not be. It never feels good at first but ultimately you will be free and appreciate the good times and understand that your time with him prepared you for someone even more amazing. Keep me posted, good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I dated this girl for 3 years. We spent every moment with each other. We talked about our future together, having kids and the whole nine. I loved her so much; but we went through some rough times. Money issues mounted and we kept arguing.

Stupidly I allowed my friends to convince me that the money situation would not get better because she was in school full time and I couldn’t afford the relationship. It sounded logical at the time. I no longer believe this but originally I tried as hard as I could to detach myself from her. I broke off communication in an attempt to let go fully and I haven't actually ever been truly happy.

I have dated in the last 8 months on and off and feel empty without her. She has dated and sometimes she texts me and it's kind of awkward between us and I want it to be like it was. How can I have a conversation with her that will let her know that I want to be with her again in a way that let her knows what I want without being too strong? Thank you, from: Johnny Rocket.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Johnny Rocket,

I understand this is a hard time and before I answer your question, let me say that your decision to let go was idiotic and childish and I can only imagine the hurt it caused. I can only hope that you guys can move past that (whether friends or lovers). The thing here is that you have to embrace honesty and come clean. You have to let her know what you feel without aggressively imposing your wants. Slowly introduce how you feel in a basic conversation while discussing something pleasant like a good moment you both mutually shared. Allow her response to determine whether she is ready for your expressed feelings. When the conversation feels open, inject yourself slowly. Tell her what you miss; tell her how wrong you were because it is not only about you. You owe her more than an apology; you owe her a sincere explanation. Ultimately you will have a clear position in this situation, whether it’s the one you wish for or not. Respect her stance and be supportive. Maturity must set in. Good luck and keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

I have a very close friend that I have fallen in love with. It kills me everytime these women take advantage of his kindness. He is too good for the woman he is dating. I want to express how I feel to him but I find myself too damn busy being his shoulder because she is always hurting him. Should I just tell him how I feel? Thank you sir. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

I honor your friendship and I am very sure he does the same. There are a few things I want to say and please pay close attention. After every painful breakup it is most healthy that the person hurt should have time alone. Going from one situation to another only covers the last hurt but never heals it. Ultimately it will resurface in the wrong situation which can cause both parties to be hurt. Continue to be a wonderful friend and remind him how important a relationship is with being friends first. Slowly give hints that are comforting but not too aggressive. Help him understand his worth and guide him to warmth. Your friendship will be key. This stage in the friendship should be a bit more endearing. When hugging him, let him feel your embrace a little bit differently. When he is venting, it is ok to gently touch his cheek. Smile into his eyes but do it periodically because he needs time to heal. Thank you for your question and please keep me posted.