Sunday, December 23, 2012

Abandoning Your Children

I think about the first day. The moment the Doctor placed my son in my arms. The tears coming down my face and the words I whispered in his ears… “I will never leave you or let anyone hurt you”.

It really does feel like yesterday, no matter how cliché that sounds.

I do not understand the males (can’t say men) that can look their child in the face, in their eyes and walk away and not return. How does one intentionally walk away?

I am not talking about those that do not get to see their children as much as they would like because of issues with the mother or family court sanctions or what have you, I am talking about the males who are selfish and pathetic enough to voluntarily walk away.

How? Why?

I was thinking that if I had done such a despicable act, I would have missed being the man whose arms were the first ones my son ever touched, whose chest my son was the first to lay on. I think about the sick nights and who was the man to nurse him back, to take him to emergency rooms, to stay up all night singing and rocking him to sleep. I think about what would happen had I removed all of that.

I think about what would happen if I wasn’t there to address the bullying issue in school which was successfully rectified and now new friendships formed. It was I who made my presence known and let my paternal love lead me. What if I wasn’t there?

I think about what would have happened when my son was diagnosed in the Autism spectrum and his mother was broken and almost gave up but I was the backbone and fought for us all. What if I wasn’t there to fight? What if I wasn’t there the time on 14th street in Manhattan when some drunken guy leaned on my son and almost pushed him into the train tracks? I was there and I made a difference.

Who would have taught my son his alphabet? Who would be his hero? Who would put him above everyone?

I remember so clearly my son telling me I was his hero. He even created a character on his Playstation 3 WWE video game called “The Dadster” and made me his favorite wrestler. Who would be “The Dadster”?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ DAD STER ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I am his protector, I am his Father, I am his male role model, I am his enforcer, I am his place of love, I am his permanent male figure that will work to make him far greater than I could ever be.

Who will show him how to live instead of just telling him? Who will guide him through the moments of confusion? Who will be there at any moment when he needs to reach out to a man for clarity?

Who would spoil him with love, with fatherly love? Who?

ME. Then, now and always.

Males, those that run away, those that disappear into the night almost vampire like, those who do not really care…. Why?

1 comment:

F.A.Ellis said...

Awe!I like reading stories like this.I need read or see more stories like this.Happy New Years you and yours.

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