Saturday, February 23, 2013


Sometimes breaking-up seems like the most torturous act that we can ever go through. It is like someone being ripped out of you life and having to be buried but yet they still exist. It is almost having to ignore their present and future when all you want to do is the complete opposite. Sometimes the break-up is necessary because some things can not be fixed and sometimes the break-up is premature because through all rough roads are tests in relationships to see if true love exists.
Everyone isn't really in love. At times they are in love with the notion of love and use the word love far more than their actions can support. That doesn't mean they are lying, they sometimes think they really love you but do not. It is tricky but even when faced with this, one must communicate. When you lose communication, you lost the relationship.
One major problem is people want long term relationships but have short term thinking. You get into a verbal argument and one person leaves or makes a long term decision and that is not how the relationship survives. Sometimes (depending on the offense) you have to give space, sometimes after the argument, the situation calms down and there is a period where communicating civilly about what hurt the other person is necessary.
We often run to people who may mean well but do not give the right advice. The people who always tell you to just end it and "you deserve better" and "he/she will regret it when you are gone" do not have a clue. These people probably only hear when you are unhappy and you do not brag to them enough when you are happy with your partner and in their bias (or sometimes hate) they try to get you immediately out of a long term relationship with short term responses.
Breaking up, separations and divorces affect people differently and often in different stages. A mourning and an anger period is fine. They should not determine your decisions. One should never file divorce when angry nor return just because one is lonely. There has to be a clear thought that this relationship could never work no matter how hard we try. If you want a relationship with no arguing or problems, have a relationship with your hand because in the real world, these things happen.
The relationships that survive the hard times often emerge to be stronger. Not every relationship is worth that effort.
Should you find your relationship is not worth the effort and you are in a break-up slump, here are some tips that I am finding helpful to try and cope with ending a long term relationship.
Accept the sadness or grief you feel over the loss of your relationship. People will tell you it's going to be alright and it will. Dealing with the pain right away and upfront can speed up your recovery and help you start new, healthy relationships in the future. Trying to avoid the pain and masks it in clubs, bars and behind drinks or other dates will harm you in the long run.
Reach out honestly to friends and family. There are still people who care about you and would love to take you out to dinner, bowling, a movie or just a stroll. Do not isolate yourself; stay active and sociable.
Do not be afraid to talk to a therapist. Divorce/long term separation/break-ups comes with a wide range of emotions and they can be difficult to manage on your own. Make sure the therapists is an expert in divorce, relationships and so forth.

Give yourself time to heal. Do not rush yourself. You must remain honest with yourself and do not run into someone else's arms for comfort. it is not fair to the other person, nor yourself.
This process can take months or even years, so do not rush yourself and freely give your emotions time to naturally work themselves out.

I am having a hard time sticking to a schedule but you must try to set a schedule and stick to it. It is easy to be sidelined by depression, so build a work, workout, eating and socializing schedule and stay on it. Emotions can be all over the place, but your life shouldn't.
Sometimes it is good to hear these things from someone going through it and/or went through it as well as studied it. I hope this can ease some of the pain it eases with me.
I am learning as I write and will continue to learn. If I feel something working, I will always share, if it doesn't I will give a warning of opinion.
If your relationship can be saved after the anger diminishes, then be adult enough to show your partner you want to save it. Pride is cute until you start losing things important.
Let me know how this works for you and please support my books. Contact me at
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1 comment:

dahanny rodriguez said...

Love! Love! Love this! Because I still believe in love and relationship but I also believe that you can't offer what you don't have therefore they healing process after a breakup although is difficult is necessary. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship if you are not emotionally and mentally healthy.

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