I see you standing there on the grocery line with a child in your hands, a stroller in the other and about to find a way to carry bags. A feat often overlooked and before I offer help, I can only admire and honor such strength. I see you walking past hecklers and lames that have the audacity to try to hit on you while engaging with your child.
I see your tears before they fall and I see the smiles that children place on your face and although I don’t know you, I smile to let you know that I honor you. I see the hard work and the way some men’s lack of progression has challenged you. I honor how you accept the challenge and overcome.
I look back at old pictures and wonder… could there ever been a woman more beautiful. I think not. Some stories are never told and some have a deeper meaning. I know of the adversity you faced, the unfair treatment you received from those close to you, yet you never let that interfere with how you mothered us. Your smile was unmatched and every picture we are in, you somehow make me feel like the star of it when in reality, I am a star because you are the universe that birthed me.
I could not imagine life without you. The walks through parks, the smiles, the way you interacted with me during cartoons made me forget the age difference. The days you held me and those times you said you were proud of me, secretly, I lived for those moments.
Differences injected in our worlds as different phases of life came and I felt like I stopped making you proud, yet, you never took a single step away from me and at that time I couldn’t understand why. I became a nightmare, running amok, fist fights, late nights and women. Yet, you never took a step away.
"When I was unspoken, denied words
You remained by my side
A mother’s love not unheard
When backs was turned
Your hand touched mine
Reminded me of a time
When I was no older then 9
I needed your hand
To be your little man
To be loved
Distance couldn’t take the place
You gave with grace"
Only then did I begin to appreciate and learn love on a higher level. When so many disappeared, you never turned away, not even for a second and I then second guessed who I was. I wondered where I was headed and why did it take so much for me to figure it out, yet, you still remained, arms open as if nothing was wrong and everything would be alright.
Change only happens if the individual is willing to make those changes for the self and Lord knows I wanted these changes for me, but it would be a lie if I didn’t admit it was also for you. I long for moments lost in phases but I can no longer be 7 years old. I continue to be a great man, the best Dad and most loving partner I can and this is rooted from you and Dad. I remember every detail and even when I slipped away, I never let go.
Thankfully I am a great man; I have done what so many in my shoes couldn’t. I have defied odds that were told to be impossible and have made love infectious in my world. I am a father unlike any, I have denied the stereotype and the societal norm to raise my son and have allowed him to be expressive. I am better because of my childhood and he will be better because of it too.
Times have changed and we have settled into a new situation. We are all adults with our own opinions and life experiences and when people from yesterday ask me about or commend me for the accomplishments I have made, I can’t help but think of you and Dad. The root is what made me and it is what will make my son great.
Everything I am comes from everything you are, I honor and love you Mom and all mothers abroad.
As the breeze gives serenity
So does your smile
Just the same as a spring day
Ice cream cones are pale
To the cheek touches from your finger tips
Mommy’s little boy"
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