Saturday, August 21, 2010


So many times people are faced with tough decisions regarding their relationships and more times than I wish, we often make the wrong choices. We tend to use “love” as to some of the most pathetic excuses of we people stick around in some of the most degrading, abusive, neglectful and unfair relationships.
This excuse of “love” is usually not “love” at all and it is a form of emotional dependence. This is where people look to them as someone who fills a void, even when there isn’t one. Emotional dependents tend to use “love” as a false excuse to distract from unresolved emotional issues in ourselves and others. We all know that, in order to truly love someone, one must truly explore the love within self and learn to transfer this new found love for self to others. People place these emotional and mental restrictions on self and use “love” or the amount of time in a relationship as an excuse to endure pain. Its not a mature decision, nor does it help the self at all. Letting go is much stronger at times than holding on and lying to self that we are :“fighting” for something not worth fighting for. With that being said, I think that the following questions are something we either faced or know someone who has. Self-love can sound like a bunch of crap when someone is heartbroken, but in reality, self love is the greatest weapon in healing.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a place in my relationship where I don’t know what to do. I want to run away but I know I cant make it without him. He makes more money than I do and I am used to this way of living. It started with the cheating and I think after a period of time I got numb to it, knowing I’m the one he comes home to. Some days I want to hide in a hole and never come out. Other days I feel so ashamed because it feels like everyone of his friends and family members know. It is embarrassing to me. Then those moments of feeling numb come and I have my “fuck it” attitude. This isn’t all that often though. How do I make him return to who he once was? I still love him but do I even stay and if not how do I leave? Help me, I am broken. Thanks, “The Broken Heart”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “The Broken Heart”,
There is an inner emotional fight here that you placed on yourself. Sadly you are now assisting him in keeping you captive. I want you to never say that you cant make it without that idiot. It does not matter about the financial situation and whoever makes more. This is about you, this is about being in a better situation. Before I even go on, ask yourself, do you even want to be in a better situation? Because I can give advice but you are the one that must take action. Never ask questions seeking a specific answer. Ask seeking the truth and the truth here is that you are in a highly abusive relationship and your mental/emotional dependence on this creep has made you unable to move forward. I always say “It is painful to leave but it is absolute torture to stay”. Consider that as you also take into account the risks of STD’s he is bringing to you night after night, think of the times you don’t know about that he has spent with women, think of how he treats you and use that as fuel to wanting better. A known fact is that an abusive relationship gets worse in time, never better. People can get help but you need to make your exit in order for him to want to help himself.
Understand that he does not love you. You are the at home person, the at home sex access, you are accessible to his power hungry needs, to his lies, abuse and to his feeling dominate in a world where I’m sure he doesn’t feel anywhere else. Take time to move forward, it wont be easy but it is rewarding when you are fully detached and ready for as better loving situation. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How is it that if someone loves you they can hurt you? I love my man and he really loves me deep inside but I don’t understand how he be flipping on me the way he does. He has been abusive towards me and I’m afraid that one day if he stops loving me he may kill me. I cant see myself without him. Its been 5 years I put into this and I don’t want it to be thrown away. I want it to be the way it was in the beginning and for him to realize I’m a good woman. Help me. “Love Got Me”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love Got Me”,
First of all, love did not “get” you, your inability to surface your self love or your inability to want more has held you as paralyzed as this piece of work you call your man. I understand that you feel 5 years has been “invested” and you don’t want to “throw it away” but in reality, its thrown away. All those times he hit you, those verbally abusive moments, all that has assured that this relationship has been “thrown away” a long time ago. No one’s soul mate hits them, no one’s soul mate abuses them. This is criminal and he should be incarcerated. What hit me hardest was how you believe he loves you and if he should stop, he would kill you. He does NOT love you, he is slowly killing you and you choosing to remain will assist in him killing you. Do not give this creep the power to continue his emotional/mental onslaught on you. Do not allow him to physically damage your outer beauty which assists in destroying your soul. Walk away, run away, call the cops, pick up, get help, search resources. They are out there. Please call 1-800-799 SAFE. That’s a national abuse hotline. I know others that it helped greatly. Keep me posted please.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I always read your tweets on twitter sometimes I either want to jump up and co-sign or I want to put my face in my hands and cry. You say things that affect me and my relationship and no matter what you say, I still stay here. I love my man and he loves me. He been through a lot so I tolerate more than I normally would but the thing that worries me is that for the last two years he has been doing the same stuff that almost breaks us up like cheating or not spending time with me, he is in the same money situation and his anger grows. I don’t like how he talks to me, he don’t hit me but he says some of the most painful things to me. Is there any repairing this or am I jut playing myself thinking this will get better? Signed, “Tired Lady”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Tired Lady”,
Thank you for following me. Lets start this off by no longer assuming the level of love another has towards you without it being in action. In your situation, his cheating and his neglect of you does not sound like love to me. The way he talks to you does not sound like love to me. You need to try to find a ground to walk on where it will take you away from this abuse. I understand that maybe he has hit a few walls and his financial situation isn’t where he wants it but that is zero excuse for him to take his frustrations out on you. You ask is there repairing this? Many times there is no way. There is so much that needs to happen for there to be any hope of saving something here. He needs individual counseling and relationship counseling with you. He needs to want to find healing for him self and needs time to express his pains to a professional. You need to be able to express how you feel and not be criticized, not be talked down to and not be yelled at. You need a freedom for yourself that it doesn’t seem he is giving. Don’t mislead yourself, at this stage you both need help, you need to heal in order to ever forgive or accept him in a healthy way, and of course only after a lengthy time period of him being receptive and following through with help. Until then, you need to love self more, you need to live for self more and you need to communicate the healthy reasons for your decisions. In order to get more, you should be more. Please keep me posted. Wishing the best for you.

1 comment:

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