Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Hello Mr. Lover Man,
I have often times heard that a man wants someone that is a lady in public & a naughty girl behind closed doors. After an exchange with a trusted male confidante, he mentioned that a man wants woman that is good in bed and that I didn't “have that look" to me & that I look "too conservative". I wasn't offended by this. But I understand his point. When I go out, I carry myself like a lady and as someone you would take to meet your mother. But on the flip side, I am a great love maker & nothing is off limits with the right guy especially if I know in my heart he cares about me. I don't f*ck, I make love to a man's mind AND his body. I am a bedroom porn star. LOL!
I don't feel that I need to advertise the prize just to get someone to pay me some attention. People tell me I am pretty but that is as far as it goes with most approaches. Some have even asked for my number & never called. Maybe that is why I don't get approached often.I really want someone of substance. Is it okay that I am a closeted vixen?
Signed, Unwrap Me

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Unwrap Me”,

There are differences in what men look for. Some are looking for great sex, that’s not the man you seek. Some look for great companionship and great sex grows with great partnership. Now that’s the man that’s worth your time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a closet vixen. It would be absurd to think there is. Men are a lot more visual beings than women are, studies support that incredibly. However, you do not have to flaunt it to attract a good man. A man with substance is NOT looking for a wife at “Club Suck Someone”. You do not have to advertise your bedroom skills to entice a man. You said you make love to his mind, and then use your tools. We all posses something that gives us an advantage, use yours. This also goes hand in hand with what type of man are you into. Some people claim to want to settle down but have no idea what makes them happy. Reason being is because they have only been in situations that show them what makes them unhappy. Anyone can learn to provide better sex; it takes time, lust, passion, initiative, dedication, love and the sheer willingness to please your partner. However, more importantly it takes more and shows more to be a true lady. Never question yourself because the right man exists. Look beyond your eyes. Please keep me posted, good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I been with my boyfriend for 16 months and he says he needs to break up with me because he loves me too much, what does that even mean? From “Concerned and Confused”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Concerned and Confused”,
This is a simple case of "He is a freaking idiot". There could be a few things happening here, one could be that he isn’t mature enough to handle emotions of this magnitude and realized too late that he isn’t ready. Then there is the possibility that this is a pathetic cop-out to not hurt you as much and escape elsewhere. Men tend to do that to make it easier for them to leave. They run those lame lines like “It isn’t you, it’s me” or in your case “I love you too much”. Nonetheless, he is an idiot and until he matures, he doesn’t deserve someone ready for more than he is willing to give. Do not hang yourself up on this guy because you cannot make him ready or make him willing to stay. Ultimately that has to come from him. If he is this immature, then you are best departing. Good luck and please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need advice on how to get my 15 year old to open up and talk about what happened to her when she was 9 she was sexually molested by my brother I didn't find out until after a good touch bad touch program at her school a year later and I was out of town on a job for railroad she was staying with my mom for that summer I got the call from school telling me in short I had him arrested and prosecuted but it cost me the relationship with my family they accused her of lying so I cut ties with them she was seen by therapists, counselors, psychiatrists etc over those yrs she developed promiscuous habits shuts down when its brought up has anger management issues because she doesn't want to talk she says she just wants to forget but her behaviors the anger, sex, cutting, have caused tension in the home and put her sister at risk as well so I had her in a boarding school for a year and a half where I thought she was making progress she went back to good grades, behavior improved from being there she said she was ready to come home I told her to finish out the school year then we would talk about it then she ran away twice from the program/school and was still acting out sexually and anger issues it got her kicked out of program and school so she had to come home. I am a single mom her dad has never been involved which also is affecting her because she wants to know him and he doesn't want to be bothered and my only support system died last year which was their godmother and the friends I thought I had deserted me saying she couldn’t be helped and won't allow their children to be around her. This also hurts her because they grew up together. She is a good hearted person who really loves to help others she is always trying to help the elderly in our area she is an honor role student, loves basketball, writing and can be a great child until she starts hanging around the wrong crowd then that's when the arguments start and the fighting the I don't care comments wishing she wasn't here because she can't have her way staying out past curfew she has said she can't talk to me about what happened because it was my brother and she doesn't want to hurt me but I want her to move forward with all the positives she has the smarts, beautiful, generous and giving spirit, an excellent writer and wants to write as well as be a heart surgeon but the negatives keep getting in the way by talking about to get it out of her and release it I'm out of solutions and options aside from praying and giving it to God to give me patience and strength to not give up on my child it’s just us now me her and her sister I want her to be able to finally get it out and release it to move forward in the gifts God has blessed her with I love my child with everything in me but I feel useless because I haven't been able to help her get over and through it! So any advice suggestions I'm open to. Thanks for listening/reading.
Mom out of solutions

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Mom out of solutions”,
Molestation/Sexual abuse in children is so complex and much more when it is our child(ren). We as parents uncontrollably get emotionally involved and want our child to be honest, open & healed right away. Sadly, this will not be the case. A molested/abused child is dealing with so much confusion right now. They start to blame self, trust others less and often much worse. This leaves an indelible mark in their fragile/innocent minds. This can compromise their confidence and sense of developing healthy self-worth. They more often than not become withdrawn.
Then there is that part of the parent who feels they tried it all and gets burned out at the rebellion, plus the negative & destructive expression of the child. It definitely takes a toll. I do want to say that remaining composed will help more than showing frustration or emotional breakdowns.

When the offender is a family member or a close neighbor, parents should never disbelieve a child about their expressing sexual abuse & I honor you for siding with your daughter over your brother. Had you not done so, your relationship would have been severed for sure with your daughter. When trying to get her to open up, do not appear aggressive. This is not an interrogation. Do not throw in her face much because there is no reason to add to the guilt. You see her new actions all derived from the molestation. She is at a place where she releases with anger. Sometimes victims become sexual, not because they liked it, but often because they hated and need to like it to come to terms with it. So often they feel that’s all they are worth, and at times it’s their only way of expression that they feel appreciated.
The good that she possesses is there & I am so glad to hear that. It is hard to do so but be continuous about expressing inner feelings. You may want to open up about things with yourself you never shared. Open the doors for comfort in expressing. It can be in writing or drawings as well as speaking. Do happy things together. Sometimes the best way to get one to open up is to make the environment comforting. The home may not be that environment as things may constantly remind her of the negative. Remind her that she has the right to vent but you are concerned with her methods of venting. Reassure her of her preciousness. Remind her that she is still your baby throughout it all.
She is at a stage where peer pressures, media outlets & hormonal changes are all involved. She needs you more so as a friend than a mother. She may not be warm to the authoritative adult figure at this stage and needs a little bit more of a friend and confidant. Focus on communication. Sometimes they open up when you least expect it because there was comfort rebuilt in the environment. She should feel the opportunity to speak, when she expresses those words of anger or rage, don’t jump on her right away. Give it a moment and then ask her to express why she feels that way. I applaud your parental love and support. Adding additional professional resources never hurts, it can only help. Please continue to fight. Please keep m posted, best of luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Is it wrong that I still love my ex? We broke up 2 years ago. I can’t seem to be happy anywhere else. I cheated once and he left me. He has been with his new girlfriend for a year and I’m wondering should I tell him how I feel. Should I? He seems happy but I know I can make him happier. I feel it. What should I do? Sincerely, “Better than her”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Better than her”,
First thing, your sign off name sends the wrong message with what you are asking. You cannot dictate his happiness and in some ways he may not feel you are “Better than her” so erase the hate. With that being said, let’s begin. It is not wrong to love someone. That isn’t the emotion of control and at times we love people we don’t know if we should. You were in a relationship with him and it is understandable to still have feelings. Now expressing it is debatable. I firmly believe that one should always express their feelings, IF NOT done in malice. I say that because I’m wondering if this is about your love for him, or his love for her. You claim you can make him happier but your actions made him leave. Before you attempt to cause confusion o express your claim to make him happier, you should respect how he feels about his relationship. Talk about that first. This isn’t about you only. There are two other people involved and at this point, they are a union. Talk to him about how he feels with his girlfriend before you throw your monkey wrench in their plans. I hope that your reasons are pure, and just to release but if it is in any form a hate move or an attempt to break them up for your personal gain, I say don’t do it. Good luck with it and please keep me posted.

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