UNACCEPTING ROLES: USED AND ABUSED

Mr. Lover Man,

I have been dating this girl for about 3 weeks, the problem is she is sexually active with another man and I don’t know where we stand. I really like her but we haven’t had sex and I’m wondering if its because of the other guy. I don’t know what to do as far as stepping my game up because I feel second to this dude. What do you suggest?
2nd to None


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear 2nd to None,
Well, you obviously are feeling the right thing. You ARE second to this other guy and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept this role. Do not mislead yourself about your position, use communication to find out how she sees you. Do not assume that you are in a competition because you could be used for a certain purpose. Maybe she likes your company and doesn’t have the sexual attraction and gets sexed heavily by this other guy to compensate for what she will not let you do. You need to see the situation for what it is, you need to communicate how you feel and see how she feels. You are in a situation knowingly she is being sexed by another man, so ask yourself this, what’s your worth? She seems content with having her two company keepers, you just aren’t the sex guy. Find out where you stand. Good luck. Please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m dealing with this female who seems to hit me up only when other situations seem to fail for her. Like a dummy I’m always giving in. I like her a lot and I kinda wish she would she that I’m a good man, not just a dude when she is down. How can I change this and make her realize I’m not like those people that see her for her physical looks and then dump her? Hope this don’t be sounding pathetic, just asking some real stuff. Thanks
Anonymous Male


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous Male,
This situation is a real tough one. She obviously does not care for your feelings as much as you do hers and probably never will with her selfish ass. She attracts a certain type of man that is not happy with her for more than a moment and you are her moment. You are the pillow, the consoling shoulder, the back-up plan, the rebound, the temporary fix and you need to stand tall and ask yourself how content are you with never being “The One:” Do NOT live on hope, live with fact, she doesn’t seem to have that one vision one day that says “wow I think this guy is the one” because you have accepted the role she gave you. You have given her more power than she deserves and you are misleading yourself thinking you can change this. Express yourself honestly, the one thing you own is how you feel so express that. You owe it to yourself to be honest and stop allowing yourself to be used. Good Luck and please keep me posted.


Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Me and my boyfriend broke up and are now working it out. My problem is when we broke up he was having sex with this girl we know and now that we are back together they remained friends. Should I be concerned with this? I see their interaction on a social site (Twitter) and they get flirtatious. She even comments on his penis size and about him coming over or her going out with him. I am very un comfortable with this and feel disrespected. How should I approach this?
Natasha


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Natasha,
This could be a serious problem, it could also be nothing more than silly fun. I’m gambling on it being a serious problem. You have stake in this relationship and have the right to voice your opinion. One thing I ask is that you evaluate your actions as well and if you do not partake in this type of activity than strongly express yourself. If you do, then you should be willing to ease up as well. The fact that they were sexual during your break-up and continue to have a dialogue of such content while you are working things out worries me in the sense that maybe he isn’t as serious about working it out as you are. I could be wrong and this could be innocent flirting, but the sexual history suggests otherwise. You need to approach this with a clear head and not emotionally charged. Point out things that bother you and what you think is disrespectful and unacceptable. You have that right as someone emotionally invested here. However, listen to him, hear him out, maybe he will be understanding. Do NOT be accusatory but be honest. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I really messed up here and I need real true advice. I am sleeping with my friends man and I’m falling in love with him. It started as a three-some and he was on some other level stuff that made my body feel things that it never felt. So one day he asks me if he can give me special attention one time because he didn’t feel that he gave me enough and I just had to know what this meant because if the attention he gave me was that good, I can only fantasize about how it would be alone. It was something ill remember, at times he slacks now but I am falling in love with him and its beginning to hurt me to see him and my friend happy. If they break-up is it ok for me to snatch him up and how long should I wait? “The Mona Lisa”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “The Mona Lisa”
This disturbs me and disgusts me. You use the word friend as if you have a clear understanding of what that means. Nonetheless, we will get to your issue in a minute. Lets evaluate some things here, you selfishly disrespected your “friendship” for sexual pleasure and have the nerve to say you are falling in love with your “friends” man and actually are hoping for their demise so your selfish ass can move on in? Did you even read what you emailed me? This is wrong 100% and you need to really do some serious soul searching. Do you realize that you entered this “relationship” with this dude as a sexual object and most of the time (almost always) when this happens, it never evolves long term, if so it fails ultimately. You are hoping for their demise for your pleasure and this is wrong. So to honestly answer your questions, it really isn’t healthy to “snatch him up” when they break-up if you really expect to keep this friendship even though you do not deserve it. The guy is sexing you both and you expect him to take you serious? What idiotic line made you come to that conclusion? I wish you the best of luck and that doesn’t mean continuing to backstab your “friend”. Take care, please let me know how this unfolds.