MIXED MESSAGES & CONFUSION

Dear M. Lover Man,

The man I’m involved with makes me feel unsure about what to call our situation. He is so passionate and pleasurable in bed. When we are there, I feel his involvement. He pours out so much and I know he has to feel something. It’s out the bed that I’m confused about. He isn’t as loving and we don’t really do much. It seems like when we do meet up we end up in bed but in the bed is where he expresses his passion. How can I get him to be passionate outside the bed? The mixed signs are driving me insane. Thanks. Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
You have officially misled yourself from being the booty call to his girlfriend in your own world. Every time he meets up with you, its straight to the sack, every moment out of it isn’t worth discussing? That says booty call all over it. What happens here is that booty calls aren’t always so cut and dry. People tend to try to give communication or friendship and it dulls out everything outside the bed. You are misleading someone who is great in bed as more that just that. Just because he can make great love doesn’t mean he is the one for you to love. Now on the other hand, this could be all wrong. He could be very into you, but I doubt there is more substance than just a sexual connection. You need to very seriously sit this man down and clarify what this situation is. There should never be this much diversity between what happens in and out of bed. You need to hurry up and get clarity because I fear you have allowed great sex to mislead you. Be stronger than that and be more than that. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Is it every man’s job to be so darn confusing? I don’t get the guy I’m dating at times. We have been dating for 3 months and there are times that I feel like I’m the only one he has eyes for. Other times he is so occupied with his cell phone texting or conversation seems drifted. How do I know where I stand with this guy? He can be attentive but at times distant. I question those distant times to myself and wonder if he is thinking of someone else. I don’t ask because I am not even sure what we are. We never officially claimed one another as “a couple” but we have been dating for three months. I’m waiting on him to tell me what he wants but at this rate how will I ever know? Thank you. Confused Clarissa


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused Clarissa,
The biggest problem here is your lack of communication. You are sitting confused and haven’t doe anything to clarify your position. Although I doubt it is, but his busy on the texting could be business. I don’t really believe that to be the case but how will you know if YOU do not communicate. In these three months, how much do you even know about this guy without a good level of communication? You do not even know where you stand and I’m sure at this point your lack of communication can be interpreted as lack of interest for more. However, he is just as guilty for the lack of communication. You need to take control in finding your answers before you mislead yourself into a barrel of hurt. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
While my boyfriend was out of town on a business trip, I was invited to go to a party, feeling bored and lonely I went. I recognized some of his friends where there and started a conversation with one particular friend who stated he was interested in me and always has been...few hrs later and a few drinks we were in his car...so as to talk ...so I agreed. Well we made out in the car....we did not have sex. I said no to that...but he did "finger me". I did not have sex with him, but is it still considered as cheating even though he did what he did to me?? Am I wrong?? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
If I could grab you and shake you, you would be dizzy. Clearly you are not true to your boyfriend and he deserves that from someone. With that being said I will answer your question. YES it is cheating, not only did you have make out sessions but this man invaded your vagina with his finger and fingered you at will. The vagina of a woman that is in a relationship. Had your boyfriend went out and had a make out session with another woman who has expressed deep long secretive interests for years and she jerked him off, would you be happily accepting? Your wondering if this is cheating is a feeble attempt to try to rationalize your interest elsewhere or your inability to be a faithful, trusting woman. Putting yourself in the car with a man that has expressed interest is not wise and it just showed that you were interested. The noble thing to do is to come clean to your boyfriend and honor him enough to allow him the opportunity to decide if he wants to remain in such an untrusting situation. You are very wrong for what you have done and owe him this honesty. Good luck. Please keep me posted.


Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My girlfriend annoys me. I’m confused about something and it irks me. She is always talking about her ex-boyfriend lately and I’m wondering what’s up with that. I also notice that now she goes out and doesn’t respond to texts or picks up calls like before and then when she talks about this guy, I get upset. She then starts to show me loving when I’m mad. We usually end up having sex but then later on it still bothers me. Am I thinking too much or is she seeing this guy? Thank you for taking time out. Andrew


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Andrew,
You are clearly thinking more than communicating. Showing your anger is a form of communication but a weak one. One so weak that se with the female you should be having sex with diffuses it long enough for her to repeat the action. I can not say for sure whether or not she is cheating but the re-emergence of her ex into her world is definitely a problem, one that if you do not address, can and will hurt you. It seems to have already taken affect and you deserve truth and clarity. You will not get that because you do not ask for it. You need to effectively communicate and express how you feel about this. If it bothers you, say so. Don’t go pouting like a baby waiting for a pacifier. She ends up giving you one (her vagina) and you, just like a baby, accepts. Her time away without response is a red alert if this is a new action. If she has always been that way then you are clearly thinking too much, but if not, you should express your concern in that. Be effective and not accusatory, show concern and be honest always. Good luck and please keep me posted.