WHERE IS THE LOVE?

Dear Mr. Lover Man,


So.....this is my problem. I do not have any type of faith in men. I have been hurt more times then I can remember, therefore I do not even put myself out there for the possibility. I know that is not healthy blah blah blah but there is this guy that just seems to be perfect. We have dated in the past and I have pulled one of my moves to push him away and it lasted for a couple of months. Now out of the blue he hits me up. I am not planning on fucking him, but I am planning on trying to put myself out there. Do you think this is a stupid move? I understand many men I am a female with more male friends then anything, but I can not figure him out what so ever HELP… Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,

Well, I see this common problem and I always wish that people would seek someone professionally in a one on one setting. What you do not need is to keep trying to figure men out, that’s not your niche, and you are not great at that no matter how many male friends you have. Your words that show you have been hurt more times than you can remember shows that maybe something you are doing plays a role. Those issues that have attributed to your being hurt more times than you can remember need to be addressed in order for real healing to begin. Your quest to figure out this guy who you are considering giving a chance to isn’t going to help. You are no man expert, what you need is to e a “YOU” expert. You willing to take a chance is great and I truly wish you the best but the one thing that screams out to me here is that you need to fix something within. Talk to him honestly, share your feelings and concerns, trust that he can handle the honest conversation as long as its tone is real and with true emotion, I would love to know this story turns out in the greatest of endings, please keep me informed of its progress.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Hello Mr. Loverman - I wonder if smart, confident men are frightened by me or simply not fully interested in me. Please give me your take. I seem to attract men who have low self-esteem. They tend to be extremely attracted to my beauty and confidence. However, I am attracted to men with high self-esteem. Smart men seem to admire me and my confidence, but they keep their distance and seem afraid to have a "real" relationship with me. They almost seem to be afraid of the idea that two smart, sexy, confident people could be together (like it would be too good to be true). I wonder if "real long-term relationships" can only occur between two people who are opposites. I notice that in many relationships and marriages there is typically one "weaker" person paired with a more "dominant" personality. Rarely do I see two dominant people together - but that is what I desire. I DO NOT want to be the only dominant person in a relationship - although I have a naturally domineering personality (which seems to attract weaker men). Am I being unrealistic to expect a match with an attractive, confident man? Many men have called me "dangerous" or "too much". Women have even complimented my confidence level and seem to admire my natural ability to lead. Although this may seem flattering, it's really annoying - because I may have to settle with a man who has low self-esteem, since that is what I seem to attract the most. What is your take on this? Thank you in advance for your advice. Ms. Confident seeking Mr. Confident

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Ms. Confident seeking Mr. Confident,
First thing I want to say is that I stand tall, tip my hat and applaud a woman of strength and strong self confidence. I want to immediately state that smart and confident men would not be intimidated by this or they would not e smart and confident men. Academia alone doesn’t determine smart, corporate or financial status doesn’t determine confident, and I say this because I’m not sure how you are measuring men on a smart and confident level. Another thing I want to eliminate is the notion that you are being unrealistic to expect an attractive confident man, you are being VERY realistic and many situations I am intimately familiar with have a dual strong base and both parties strong in aspects the other may note but strong nonetheless. Your natural ability to lead is something I think is wonderful but I wonder if the men you call “smart and confident” perceive your natural ability to lead as maybe something else. This is something you should really think about and yearn to want to find answers to. Some men and women with equal academia and financial success still have totally different perceptions to the same situation. Your domineering personality will tend to attract weaker men because some weaker men love the motherly figure, the notion that someone will take charge for them and assist. Unless you are willing to settle (and I am anti-settle for less) you need to find out how you are coming across to these men in a relationship setting because your ability to lead may be too bossy or whatever someone may see that you don’t. I never met a man who is what I consider smart and confident want a weaker and less successful woman. That wouldn’t make him too smart. Studies from all over actually show that men find strong confidence way more sexy and appealing than low self esteem. Ignore the stereotype and search. Please keep me posted and I want an invite to the wedding you will have because of this. Good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What I found is that in most every question posed to you the people asking the questions are merely asking questions about having sex... no one speaks about making love!!! Is making love becoming a lost to mere primal urges and getting "pounded" as you say?? First having studied different aspects of love and relationships, and touching and pleasing the human body one thing I have found is that if a spiritual connection between two people is involved it brings far more satisfaction than what one can do by physical means alone. You satisfy the soul, physical satisfaction will explode in firework fashion. Grace and finesse can bring extreme pleasure where aggression can bring pain, shame and darkness. Too many men want to execute penetration by slamming it in, rather that making a loving, caring, slow entry. I can tell you from my own standpoint, (and I speak for myself and no one else) that there is nothing more creepy, nothing more painful and nothing more fearful to me in the bedroom than to have a man do that to me. I'm no virgin but it still remains that way to me after all these years. That happens and I look for the nearest and fastest escape right then and there.
On the other hand having the act executed with real love is pure splendor, emotionally, physically, spiritually all the way. And men who believe they themselves cannot attain those heights of ecstasy are cheating themselves.
Having studied a variety of massage techniques all the way from deep tissue to gentle touch to erotic, I know that men can find incredible pleasure in such applications given by a woman who does so with love. Here again, I speak for myself, I personally could spend hours exploring a man's body, seeking to build him up to the greatest heights of pure bliss while giving all of myself to him from the depths of my heart as well.
Gentle caresses and soft touches and deep gazes into eyes with soft sincere whispers of loving words are an amazing combination in the love making experience. But also take some time to adequately prepare. Have the body oil warm. Water-based lubricants can feel so amazing if you wrap the bottle in a heating pad beforehand. Put on a CD of a thunderstorm and light some candles. Nothing too perfumey though. Something mild and earthy is a great way to warm things up. Turn off the bright lights. Spend time talking; I personally love that with a glass of good red wine. And you are 110% right about making eye contact; I think that's so important on so may levels. Not only is it incredibly sensual but it also allows one to read their loved one's expressions. "Is what I'm doing feeling good to him?" "Is there any signs of discomfort or disinterest?" And when those sentiments are reciprocated toward me it then makes me want to give things and do things that I might ordinarily feel uncomfortable or apprehensive about giving and doing. For instance, while I love to give oral sex, I need to trust someone a lot in order to feel comfortable in receiving it. And there is nothing that will send my heart racing and set the fires blazing than for a man who loves and cares for me to "Take Me!!!" And I mean "TAKE ME"!!! LOL!! But that has to come after that trust and that trust comes through love. Can you kinda see what I'm saying? If that makes sense to you and only if you agree then perhaps you might wanna relay the message in your own words to your subscribers but that is totally up to you. And if you don't agree then that's fine too. Just thought I'd throw my two-sense in. Any who... I do so love your blog. And will be looking forward to reading your future posts. Sincerely Love Still Exists.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Love Still Exists,
I want to say I honor your mind and heart with all that I am. I think that our society has taking a turn from the passionate love making with that soulful connection in exchange for animalistic sexual pleasure. With saying that, I do NOT mean that as a whole, I mean that to say that our movies reflect that, our music reflect that, studies show that porn access is easier and the aggressiveness in it is at an all time high and it is one of the leading influences in sexual activity. Does passionate love making from within exists? Of course, I think what people are asking is for improvement in areas to improve in learning a momentary pleasing. These short moments can and will lead to long term pleasing. The act of love in a sexual form is the greatest physical act known to the human species, and I wish that was a bigger demand that the random sexual pounding. Time and age changes the demand and aggression in sex is higher than it’s ever been statistically and although its how society has shifted, it doesn’t make it the only physical sexual expression. Most women I converse with wish to experience both and a majority of them tell me they never made love but have had incredible sex. I 100% see where you are at and I agree with you, but people that have experience animalistic sex without the passionate tender caring that you describe really don’t search for what doesn’t exist in their world. The message should be conveyed without being swayed. Your words are a great start and I appreciate that. Making love doesn’t come from the genitals; it comes from the depths of the soul and the core of the heart, the body is just the messenger of these feelings in a physical form. In 2010 we should bring back love making, LOL. Hope that made you smile. Thank you so much for this post and I look forward to more from you, maybe even a post of your own. Thank you.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love this man; I enjoy him in diverse ways. I could make you a list at a moment’s notice. In my heart I want him for my own forever. Stepping back for a moment to say that in areas of life, I arrive at important decisions through logic. I need to understand who he is. I like his spirit and who he is to mebut as I have observed him indirectly via social media I wonder who is that guy? I can’t seem to reconcile these different versions of him and for me this raises concerns. I crave the peace and assurance of knowing my guy and when I see these sides of him I don’t feel sure I do accurately know him. Whats happening here? Double Take

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Double Take,
I see your concern and this is the case of the social media invasion. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc have invaded our homes more so than we like to admit. It has become as relevant as your computer itself or cell phone. Many people use this to test certain areas of life and have a free audience to receive a free response, is he trying to convey something and what exactly is it that he is doing that raises concern? The normal thing is usually the flirtatious nature in which these sites make so easy. It is safest to e flirtatious on the internet than anywhere else and at times it is harmless. Some people I know are only flirtatious through these safe means and find fun in it but never use that in person. Hiding behind a computer screen at home is safe. Is he giving out personal information? Is he meeting people? That would raise concerns to me, things less than that do not but should be addressed because your heart is on the line. What is his angle is the way he is on the social media that disturbing that it can’t be worked through? You asked “What’s happening here?” and I think that unless he is giving out information or making “hang out” sessions than or claiming to e available or perverse, than this is something that could be spoken through and worked out. Address that you do not like his social media behavior and come to a common grounding where you both are happy. Good luck and please keep me posted as this goes forward.