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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been seeing this guy for 2 weeks and I really like him, I want to have sex with him and I know he wants to, I think he wanted to the moment he saw me but doesn’t all guys act like that? I don’t know what he is after and that’s why I haven’t gave it up yet but I don’t want to lose him if I don’t give it up. He says he really likes me and that he likes spending time with me but when he tries to go the extra step and I pull back I feel like he gets angry. Is that something all guys do because I know guys are into sex like that. What should I do? Thanks, Confused
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
You don’t have a dilemma that says whether you should or shouldn’t have sex with this guy but your real dilemma is how much self love do you have. You state doubt about this mans interests and his objective yet you lamely attempt to justify it by throwing him in an umbrella of what men are like. For the record, you are no man expert and are wrong to even think all men are the same way. You need to assess this as an individual situation, communicate and look at the signs you claim he has made as possible evidence for his motive. One can have sexual frustration but in a mere two weeks to show this frustration leads me to believe that he is definitely out for one thing. Give yourself time to ask yourself about the direction of this mere two week relationship and then convey this information with him to see where he stands. Pick up signs of disinterest, frustration or manipulation in this conversation. That will lead you to a smart decision. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I make my boyfriend more aggressive in bed? He is good and I love him but I’m really into more aggression. I like to have my hair pulled, I like to be spanked, I like to be submissive and told what to do. I try to introduce it to him by being aggressive with him so he can return it but he becomes submissive and that turns me off. What can I do?
From Sex Kitten
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sex Kitten,
First and foremost, I’m a big advocate of communication. I feel without it, nothing will be resolved and your situation is no different. You are showing him aggression with the expectation of him matching it, but maybe he read that sign wrong and assumed you wanted to be the aggressor and gave you that role. You have unwarranted expectations and should not fault him because your job is to always convey what it is that you want, need or like. This is not the most difficult tasks at hand. Just speak freely and express that you would like to reverse roles and see how aggressive he can get and that the mere thought of it turns you on. Explain to him your limits and how important it is that he does not cross them. Be receptive to his feelings as well and meet on common ground that you both can learn to love these acts together. Set the stage so to speak and walk him through verbally what turns you on, then begin the role. Hope this works out for you both.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I think I am in love but I don’t know, I have been with my boyfriend for a few months but I don’t know how I feel. I only loved one man before him and I don’t know how love is supposed to feel. Ok, let me explain, I know that I want him in my life always, I know that the thought of him not being in it hurts, I know that when we have disagreements I cry because I’m so hurt and hurt that he is hurt. He tells me he loves me and I feel like it is true. I feel like I’m so special with him. He goes all out to make me feel like I am the only woman in his eye. The problem is shouldn’t I feel exactly the same? Do I feel the same? I don’t even know. He says he isn’t expecting me to have the same feelings but I feel like it isn’t fair. Should I say it and then ill know if I feel it? Help me please. Thank you, Jackie
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Jackie,
I think that he should be commended for his maturity with his feelings of a selfless love and having no expectation of you matching his love. You are adding pressure where it is not warranted., He isn’t pressuring you for an answer or for you to find a definitive concrete definition for your feelings and in reality that’s a blessing. Take your time assessing your feelings. To me it sounds as love exists but never try to get a certain definition for the level of love. Love takes on many faces, many levels and has many places, don’t worry yourself to death over this and just show your appreciation. Don’t hold back anything you wish to say as long as it is honest. Do not say something hoping it comes into fruition because that’s lying and will ultimately bite you in the ass in the future. We all feel our own way about a situation and never can feel the exact same way at the same exact time. Those that profess to do so are usually lying. Feel free to take your time, he has given that blessing of time for you to go at your own pace. Good Luck with everything.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a happy man. I don’t know why I am scared though. I have been in situations that start out happy and usually end in my lady cheating or something bad happening. Now I am with a good woman and I cant help but wait for her to someone do what the others have done to me. I like this happiness, it really is something I dreamt of and I do everything I have to do to make her happy. Why cant I get it out of my head that she is going to do the same as everyone else?
Sincerely John Doe (not real name)
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear John Doe,
You are going to set yourself up to fail in this relationship if you do not learn to detach from your past. Each person is an individual and you are showing signs that you still need to heal. Most everyone has endured some form of heartache but the ones that move forward into healthy relationships are the ones that know that the one they are with is NOT the one they were with. Love who she is, admire what she shows you and reciprocate to the best you can. If you look for something long enough, you will find it, even though it doesn’t exists. You need to appreciate who she is and what she does and separate anyone before her from her. They should not have that much power in your present relationship. You owe your present girl much more than this. You owe it to yourself. Counter weaker thoughts with pleasant thoughts, every time you associate the past with expectations of negativity, immediately remind yourself of how wonderful this one is. Counter the weak with love. Never empower the evil and live to love. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What do men really Want? I am an educated woman. Even though I think I am just a regular girl, I get told that I am beautiful or sexy all the time. I like sports, football, boxing, etc. I was engaged to be married once, but have been single about 5 years now. I have tried dating. But with minimal success. I have a lot to offer, I am loving caring and dedicated.
I can be a real vixxxen in the bed room as well.
All that being said, men don't really want to take the time to get to know me to get all of the benefits. I mean I am not perfect and I don't make myself out to be. But if they tell me I am all that, why do they run before giving me a real shot? They ALL tell me, you are going to make some lucky guy REALLY happy one day. What the hell does that mean?!!
Signed, Baffled
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Baffled,
The million dollar question…. However, one will be surprised to know that men want a lot of the same things a woman wants. Men want attention, to be acknowledged, to be complimented, companionship, to experience love, great sex, an understanding partner and so on and so forth. In your case, I think this has to do with your choice of men and the stages in their lives. There has to be something you are letting off that these men leave before a real shot is in play and that must be analyzed. You possess great qualities but something you are giving off is giving these men the early escape and that is setting off heavy warning signs. When guys say “You are going to make some lucky guy really happy one day” its usually some pity line that makes them feel good about their exit. It really isn’t about you. This eases a cowards exit. Try to think about where your conversation usually lies when these men start running, think about something done that is consistent that may be giving signals that make these men exit at the same time. That just may be where your answer lies. These men may not be ready for anything near what your ready for. Their lost. Know you are a gift. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Why do men have to cheat so much? I feel like it is pointless to even date them anymore. The last four relationships the man cheated, I think that maybe because where I work (in a club) that maybe that’s why these guys cheat. Guys seem to be sincere in the beginning when they meet me at work. I hate being treated like a piece of sex object. I feel like I shouldn’t have to deal with this. I fall for these good looking guys but how do you know when they are really into you? Please help me because I should have better than this. Thank you. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
Well, first thing is you are accepting men hitting on you in an environment where the goal is easy sex. Men aren’t looking to take you serious in a club and yet you subject yourself to this repeated action. You should know this well as you are in a pit of lions and if you put your shield down how do u expect to not get bit. You need to remain professional at work and build the reputation of not mixing work and pleasure. These men see an attractive woman in the club (which was the goal entering the club) and they hit on you an you accept. Mission complete. I have yet to meet a man looking for a wife in the club, I have yet to meet a man looking to settle down with the club girl other people are all hitting on. Look for good men in better places and please check this article out I wrote about that, "How To Find a Good Man" http://tumblr.com/xee73dh5h this will lead you to a better path with great men. Until then you need to find a higher level of self love and try to understand your worth. These men may be attractive but as you see, your eyes assist in their plight to conquer another attractive woman. These scumbags continue to hurt and manipulate and in this instance you have to nsee where you are assisting this pathetic act of theirs. Of course they meet you in a club they are going to be nice an run all these lines are you. Its basic lameness. So you ask, why do they cheat? Well because they do NOT respect you or themselves, because they are out for sex and are immature idiots. You cant change this mind frame, but you can set limits when learning these men, you can know your worth and not mislead yourself about these idiots. Be strong and don’t look for love until you obtain a higher sense of self love, this will allow you to love stronger and receive real love from a great man. NOT IN THE CLUB. Lol. Good luck, please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I know men want time with the friends. What I cant stand is his single friends, I feel like they are a bad influence for him. I know guys like that never want to see other guys happy and they probably in strip clubs and other mischief. Every time I mention this he defends his friends, he runs the whole “I grew up with them” thing but they seem to not have grown up. They have a guys night twice a month and I just feel like he needs to grow up and let these losers go. How can I show him the how important it is to me for him to see how his single friends can be a bad influence? Am I being irrational? My friends are not single. Thank you Sylvia
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sylvia,
One thing that will hold a grudge in a relationship is one party trying to determine the friendship of the others. You are definitely entering a zone you do not want to. You have a very unreal perception of your position with your significant others friends. His happiness with them should mean something to you. Your insecurities about him cheating is unwarranted if he has never given you a reason other than he has single friends. You come across very irrational and need to commend him for not cheating instead of waiting for him to do so. You need to be happy that he is happy instead of plotting your anti-friend bitter attack. Whether your friends are single or not is really irrelevant and childish. I can see that you are mounting a childish attack by comparing your friends relationship status and in reality, that doesn’t mean anything. You need to reconsider this and come to terms with the fact that his childhood friends and their two nights a month is highly reasonable. Get over yourself and stop judging them so much. Good luck with everything.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m a single mother pushing 30 years old. I know I’m not old but I am at a stage where sometimes I want another child. The problem is finding a suitor. I seem to be attracted to younger men and they are not mature but they are so attractive. I need a male figure for my son and daughter but these young guys are not good for that but I think because of my past not many guys that know me take me serious. I have been rumored to have slept around but I dated a lot and didn’t sleep with all I dated but rumors unfold and whatever has been said has been said. These young guys try to move fast but I can control them, the older men that know me seem to want only sex and that bothers me, some are friends and I question their friendship. I am confused about a lot of the men in my life. I don’t know that I’m asking a question and maybe just letting this out, if you want to respond I would be happy. I dated a lot the last month or two, trying to get a feel for different men but it seems that every time I like them it backfires. No Name
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear No Name,
How important is finding a suitor? Your vent is concerning because I can understand you wanting a male figure but your choice of controlling young men may be linked to the psychological component of you wanting another child or in defiance of age (which you’re very young) or most concerning, the control of young men to compensate for the sense of loss of reputation with the rumors spilling through your world. These are all unhealthy reasons and should be re-evaluated by yourself. As for “friends” that want sex and that you have to question their friendship, well you need to do yourself a favor and remove the “friend” title and put them in a place they deserve to be in. You mention in your own words that those guys are not good male figures for your kids, so my question is, why punish yourself and deal with them. Learn to be more than the moment and try to date less and hug your soul. Try to assert yourself into what you really want from a man and although being flexible is reasonable, you need to stop bending so much and dealing with men you already know are no good. Going on a lot of dates will not be good for your reputation and I only mention that because you made it an issue, however, I never give a crap about bitter rumor spreaders. You have children and you need to live by example. You need to stop making childish, senseless decisions with men and then add to your confusion. Think about the man you wish to be around your children, you say you need a male figure for them, then consider how important it is that this figure is a wonderful figure. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love this guy and we been together 8 years. The problem is I don’t feel like he loves me except when he wants sex. He starts to touch and kiss me, he doesn’t do that any other time, also he is always out with his boys and never calls to check on me, he wont even answer my call or text but he is always on Twitter at the same time I’m messaging him. If I go out (not as much as he does) he always wants to call or text and gets mad when I don’t respond right away. He has broken up with me about 5 times and has dealt with other women, but he always apologizes and I love him so I take him back. I know people say I should leave but I cant, I believe we can work and get better, I think in time one day he will appreciate me. How can I speed that process up?
Torn but in love
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Torn but in love
First thing you should know is that you need to learn to love yourself more than you do. You voluntarily subject yourself to emotional abuse and you rationalize with the whole “but I love him” crap. If I had a dime for every time some idiot said that, I would be Bill Gates. How do you love someone that not only doesn’t display love but doesn’t display any good qualities to love? Your self-esteem needs CPR and your heart needs mending and education. You need to learn to love yourself, you need to learn that being an emotional cripple, or emotionally dependent is NOT loving someone. You need to know that time does not guarantee love, so your being together 8 years does NOT mean love exists., You are accessible sex, easy convenient sex for him. You are there at will, he sees you as property. He can sleep elsewhere, leave and always return because he knows you are broken, he knows you are weak. You need to take that power back from him, you need to find love for self so badly that you see what you wrote me and see how abused you are. As to your question about speeding it up, well you are misleading yourself into believing something that isn’t real, you can not speed it up. He is the only one that can change him and it has to be for him and not for you. You are in a very unhealthy relationship that has potential for physical abuse, you need professional help and should consider that. I hope the best for you, love yourself enough to move on. Please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having some doubts about my situation with my woman. She seems to always be more involved with her male friends than me. She is also always willing to support their projects but never has supported mine. She compliments them, never compliments me, she has more conversation with them than with me and seems to always make me secondary. Is this worth saving? I don’t even know how she feels because she is not expressive with me, I try to start conversation and she doesn’t give back much, but she loves the attention from other men. Am I dumb for even staying?
Luke
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Luke,
Luke, this is sadly a little bit more common than mentioned. I have encountered this question on my lap more than I would like to admit. The thing is that it is hard to pinpoint the exact cause of her distance from you and gravitation towards other men. Here are some options to consider, at times some people are too complacent in their relationships and tend to take their partner for granted. They often assume that this is their situation and it wont change so they don’t show the loving appreciation they should. This usually leads to the relationships demise. Another option to consider is that she is involved with another man or men and that her attention is easily diverted because she is easily bedded by them. There is no excuse for a partner to not support their partners project but support random guys projects. She may not have the appropriate attention span to be with just you and bores easily and needs new men often. This will make her bitter and lonely ultimately and you do not deserve to take that bitter ride she is on. You deserve better. You have said you attempted communication and she isn’t open, I applaud your attempt but I think that sometimes your approach has to be one that caters to her persona. If that fails, feel free to express yourself anyway honestly and move on. Everyone deserves a partner that appreciates them, everyone should be complimented and supported and she isn’t ready to be a woman yet, and she may never be. Let her go if she isn’t willing to communicate and move forward. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am married with my wife for 5 years and we are happy. We have a 3 year old son and I really have no quarrels to report here, however, my dilemma derives from a previous relationship and I really am baffled at the lengths someone would go in lies so I would like to seek anonymous advice. My ex-girlfriend from long ago has an 11 year old daughter that she is saying is mine. Now I haven’t heard from her this entire time since she was caught cheating on me and I walked away. Her daughter being mine doesn’t seem as possible as it being the guys she cheated on me with but I am not a man to walk away from my duties as a man because of a bitter break up. She has showed up to my job with her daughter and this girl looks so sickly that my heart was shattered for her. My ex used to be a model and I figured what I always told her would be right, I told her to have a plan b because modeling wouldn’t last forever, and she is looking a bit shabby as is her daughter. Now I wonder if I am being a scapegoat or am I really a deprived father that was denied the opportunity to know his child that he didn’t even know existed? I do not expect you to know that answer but I would love insight out of my own. Thank you. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is not the easiest situation to face but I admire your diligence as a man, your desire to do the right thing. Now lets talk about a few possibilities here, your ex-girlfriend and her denying you 11 years of your possible child is something you are going to have to let go. That’s something you can explain to this child at an appropriate time if she is yours. Her mom will have to answer for that later on in life. Maybe she was ran through and run dry & taken advantage of from her looks, maybe she is unhealthy, maybe she is broke, maybe she is tired, but no matter what it is, the focus is 11 year old child. Your ex may have a plan and I think that your priority is DNA testing. Not on no silly outlandish show like Maury Pauvich but definitely done asap. I don’t even know that it is healthy to create a dialogue with the child until this is done. They have many clinics all over that do this service quickly with results rapid. If this situation unfolds revealing you to be the father, please do N OT enter this situation bitter about the past, do not focus on what you missed and focus on today and tomorrow. Love her with your heart and welcome her to your family with warmth. If she isn’t yours, close this chapter in permanence and move forward feeling absolutely no guilt as you did nothing wrong. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
This guy I was with said he was in love with me and wanted to have my baby and all this stuff that really made me feel good. I messed up and went on 2 dates with another guy, but I conducted myself well. I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have, I didn’t’ have sex, I had a good time but then felt so bad I confessed it and got dumped. Now one week later he is already dating someone else and to be honest I feel like she is hotter than me physically and I’m almost intimidated to even think I can get him back. What do I do? He wont talk to me.
Lizzy
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lizzy,
Sometimes the choices we make bite us in the ass and you made a choice to date another man while you are in a committed relationship, you kinda got what you deserve in this particular situation. Have you taken into account how he would feel about it? It does not seem that mattered while you were on your date have a grad old time. He found someone else and refuses to talk to you, now in honesty, this very well seems like some rebound piece of ass but I could be wrong. His refusal to speak to you expresses his hurt and or disgust at your choices to do so. How can and why should he trust you now? We often get blindsided by others and that shows how weak we are, yet when another does it we feel betrayed. Your selfish qualities should be addressed and if you have a genuine desire to love this man and can do right by him and really feel that this is best for you both, then step to him, put all the cards on the table, address your wrongs and your feelings as honestly as possible. Communication is the only thing that can be the lifeline to your relationship. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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This day comes once a year, we text it, phone call it and often go to dinner to honor it, then Monday comes.. The lames come out from hiding and neglect their fatherly duties, the abusers are angry again and we forget the power of motherhood. To the lames, women once again become nothing more than objects of sexual pleasure. To real men as myself, your breath is honored, even if I don’t know you, my smile honors your hard day of work as you push that carriage, as you have a seat from an exhausting park run, as you step out front for air, I smile to honor your every breath. I breath as a great Dad who would not be so great without my Mom as much as my Dad.
I look back at pictures, at my mothers smile, looking at her amazing beauty. My mom walks with the grace of a Jamaican Queen. I remember the times of perfection, I give that and more to my son because of her.
This year lets not stop with Sunday, lets not hurt, lets not empower the deadbeats, lets not empower the abusers, lets not let the lames take advantage of our Queens. We talk a good one until Monday. Women hating on women, men using that to their advantage to sex weak women looking for love. The cycle continues and this is not what our Mother’s wanted, this is not what I want, this should NOT be what YOU want. Walk with me as we weaken the deadbeats, as we get rid of the abusers, as we love ourselves and love our mothers.
Her eyes have seen
Desperate acts surround her
She dashes for calm without lifting a foot
She gives that look
We know what’s next
We calm the flex for mom’s respect
Her love forever
The bad, the good she failed us never
Kissing her cheek forever
Loving women thru your education
Inspiring to touch nations
Walking to lead men to their destination
Because you taught me better
I have not seen
A sky so high
To defy her reach
Or events to strong
She couldn’t speak
A love so real
I couldn’t teach
I’m a better man
Dad made possible thru her tender hands
The catalyst for giving
Embedded every reason for living
Made me birth my man with thoughts of love
Your motherhood did this
When I was unspoken, denied words
You remained by my side
A mother’s love not unheard
When backs was turned
Your hand touched mine
Reminded me of a time
When I was no older then 9
I needed your hand
To be your little man
To be loved
Distance couldn’t take the place
You gave with grace
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wind blows
As the breeze gives serenity
So does your smile
Just the same as a spring day
Ice cream cones are pale
To the cheek touches from your finger tips
Mommy’s little boy
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Dear Mr. lover man,
I am a married young women in my late 20's who just recently ( as recent as January) decided to separate from my current marriage...
In late October i met someone who we just communicated via email/im's etc... Online stuff, (we met online) as the months progress so did our friendship, we grew closer, as close as us both falling in love with each other ....he's is the same situation with a slight difference .. married but NOT separated...
Of course we see each other, but that's very limited (as to our situation) and that's really starting to bother me, i'm feeling needy, wanting more, desiring his company at all times... missing him terribly, but then i engage some negative thoughts as to "does he miss me as much as i do" I’m always doubting and seeking re-assurance of his love.....i don't know what to think anymore.....I wondering, should i just let him go??forbiddenLove......
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Forbidden Love,
For the record, you are just the other woman. Your situation is not the same as you are more emotionally available being that you are separated. He is not and wont be as long as he can make love to his wife and fuck you at will. You have absolutely no right to want more because you are just the side piece. You say you both are in love but maybe you are misleading yourself, maybe you are way more emotionally attached than him and he is having his cake and eating it too. You need to heal within and re-evaluate what you believe your self worth to be. You need to find your soul and increase self love and learn to convey that to a single healthy relationship. Maybe even see counseling. I wish you the best always, please keep me posted. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tips on to improve your relationship and sex life with your partner…
So many times in a relationship partners tend to lose communication as so many factors dull the situation, such as bills, kids driving you crazy, new found responsibilities that didn’t exist as a couple in the early stages. Communication can diminish and this can lead to destruction of what could remain beautiful. Regain focus, take a moment and ask yourself how much worth is this relationship and do you really want to save it. Ask yourself why do you want to save it and when you safely answered those questions, try new methods of communication.
Be less demanding, stop reminding one of chores in a annoying fashion, show concern in your words, don’t forget the friendship, laugh together, and remember that respect is warranted in a relationship.
Do things together, go out and be creative within your financial means and show affection. Show appreciation to your partner, no matter the gender, everyone wants to be appreciated. Never be too busy for your relationship. I don’t care what your work hours are, if you really love this person and want this relationship to work then you will. If you are letting it slowly die without a care for love, and you are just complacent then let it go.
Sexual improvements are not hard either, once again we must use communication. So many people allow frustration to set in, yet they haven’t even communicated efficiently with their partners about their sexual drives. Never make the assumption your partner is the gift in bed and talk before, during if need be and after. Make sure you both are set on pleasing one another and both are attentive to each others needs.
Don’t be afraid to take turns with total domination of pleasing the other. One can service the other in total, leaving the other one at the pleasurable mercy in exploration of fulfilling the communicative actions expressed in earlier conversation. Try new places, and I don’t mean the bathroom and kitchen, you should have already tried that. Take a trip, be spontaneous, do not ever take the relationship for granted. Do not ever assume because this is significant other that they will just always be there and you can always postpone the sex. Take charge and make it sexy again, take control and elaborate your love physically and show how much they mean to you with total worship of their body. Insert your fantasies and inquire about your partners and make them real. Work through all short comings or unpleasurable acts with communication, express your stance and why you will or will not do something. Choose caring words always. Learn to touch your partner all over without intercourse. Appreciate their bodies for its beauty and not just for sexual thrashing. Rebuild your sex life with what works and create something amazing around that. Add, subtract, do all you can and you will be high that you will be looking down on cloud nine.
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Mr. Lover Man,
I have been dating this girl for about 3 weeks, the problem is she is sexually active with another man and I don’t know where we stand. I really like her but we haven’t had sex and I’m wondering if its because of the other guy. I don’t know what to do as far as stepping my game up because I feel second to this dude. What do you suggest?
2nd to None
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear 2nd to None,
Well, you obviously are feeling the right thing. You ARE second to this other guy and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept this role. Do not mislead yourself about your position, use communication to find out how she sees you. Do not assume that you are in a competition because you could be used for a certain purpose. Maybe she likes your company and doesn’t have the sexual attraction and gets sexed heavily by this other guy to compensate for what she will not let you do. You need to see the situation for what it is, you need to communicate how you feel and see how she feels. You are in a situation knowingly she is being sexed by another man, so ask yourself this, what’s your worth? She seems content with having her two company keepers, you just aren’t the sex guy. Find out where you stand. Good luck. Please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m dealing with this female who seems to hit me up only when other situations seem to fail for her. Like a dummy I’m always giving in. I like her a lot and I kinda wish she would she that I’m a good man, not just a dude when she is down. How can I change this and make her realize I’m not like those people that see her for her physical looks and then dump her? Hope this don’t be sounding pathetic, just asking some real stuff. Thanks
Anonymous Male
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous Male,
This situation is a real tough one. She obviously does not care for your feelings as much as you do hers and probably never will with her selfish ass. She attracts a certain type of man that is not happy with her for more than a moment and you are her moment. You are the pillow, the consoling shoulder, the back-up plan, the rebound, the temporary fix and you need to stand tall and ask yourself how content are you with never being “The One:” Do NOT live on hope, live with fact, she doesn’t seem to have that one vision one day that says “wow I think this guy is the one” because you have accepted the role she gave you. You have given her more power than she deserves and you are misleading yourself thinking you can change this. Express yourself honestly, the one thing you own is how you feel so express that. You owe it to yourself to be honest and stop allowing yourself to be used. Good Luck and please keep me posted.
Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Me and my boyfriend broke up and are now working it out. My problem is when we broke up he was having sex with this girl we know and now that we are back together they remained friends. Should I be concerned with this? I see their interaction on a social site (Twitter) and they get flirtatious. She even comments on his penis size and about him coming over or her going out with him. I am very un comfortable with this and feel disrespected. How should I approach this?
Natasha
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Natasha,
This could be a serious problem, it could also be nothing more than silly fun. I’m gambling on it being a serious problem. You have stake in this relationship and have the right to voice your opinion. One thing I ask is that you evaluate your actions as well and if you do not partake in this type of activity than strongly express yourself. If you do, then you should be willing to ease up as well. The fact that they were sexual during your break-up and continue to have a dialogue of such content while you are working things out worries me in the sense that maybe he isn’t as serious about working it out as you are. I could be wrong and this could be innocent flirting, but the sexual history suggests otherwise. You need to approach this with a clear head and not emotionally charged. Point out things that bother you and what you think is disrespectful and unacceptable. You have that right as someone emotionally invested here. However, listen to him, hear him out, maybe he will be understanding. Do NOT be accusatory but be honest. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I really messed up here and I need real true advice. I am sleeping with my friends man and I’m falling in love with him. It started as a three-some and he was on some other level stuff that made my body feel things that it never felt. So one day he asks me if he can give me special attention one time because he didn’t feel that he gave me enough and I just had to know what this meant because if the attention he gave me was that good, I can only fantasize about how it would be alone. It was something ill remember, at times he slacks now but I am falling in love with him and its beginning to hurt me to see him and my friend happy. If they break-up is it ok for me to snatch him up and how long should I wait? “The Mona Lisa”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “The Mona Lisa”
This disturbs me and disgusts me. You use the word friend as if you have a clear understanding of what that means. Nonetheless, we will get to your issue in a minute. Lets evaluate some things here, you selfishly disrespected your “friendship” for sexual pleasure and have the nerve to say you are falling in love with your “friends” man and actually are hoping for their demise so your selfish ass can move on in? Did you even read what you emailed me? This is wrong 100% and you need to really do some serious soul searching. Do you realize that you entered this “relationship” with this dude as a sexual object and most of the time (almost always) when this happens, it never evolves long term, if so it fails ultimately. You are hoping for their demise for your pleasure and this is wrong. So to honestly answer your questions, it really isn’t healthy to “snatch him up” when they break-up if you really expect to keep this friendship even though you do not deserve it. The guy is sexing you both and you expect him to take you serious? What idiotic line made you come to that conclusion? I wish you the best of luck and that doesn’t mean continuing to backstab your “friend”. Take care, please let me know how this unfolds.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Do all men have to always cheat? It seems like every time I fall for a guy he goes and does something really stupid like cheating. I really don’t think good men exist, so should I accept that all men cheat and just keep the relationship going?
Frustrated
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Frustrated
First thing, all men do NOT cheat. Your attracting a series of lame dudes does not constitute a law of all men cheating. There are good men out there and in achieving this acquisition of a good man, one must want it so much that they improve self. A good man knows his worth and will not settle for the unmotivated, dependent woman who does not see things as is. Your constant pairing of cheating, lame men can tell a bit about you. We attract a certain type of person in our lives by our actions and words. We can be duped once by someone and it does hurt but to say every man you encounter has cheated on you tells us that the one constant in that situation is you. You need to analyze the role you play in this and then do something about it to make your self happier. You should experience a real man in your life, it is not a mythological creature, we really do exist. Never accept a man that cheats on you, no one slips, no one makes that as a mistake, no one who does it loves you as much as you think, You must put you first and take control. Know your inner worth, know you power, know love and stand for better. Good luck with everything.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love my husband but I found that I am also in love with an other man that I didn’t want to be in love with. He is so charming, so handsome in a rugged way and knows how to touch me. I don’t want to leave my husband but is it possible that I can be happy loving these two men. They don’t know about each other but I can make sure they wont. Please tell me this will work. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Interesting that you want to deceive these men and you talk about love when you speak of your connection with them. I don’t know that you know what love truly is. These acts of deceit will not only leave you empty but will ultimately leave these two men you claim to love heartbroken. The test of how much you love these men is coming clean to save them from this devastating situation you forced them in. Think of the hearts of the men you claim to love. Park your selfishness on the corner and be a responsible adult. Good luck.
Mr. Lover Man,
I know cheating is not good, but my girl annoys me at times. I’m going to keep it real, if it wasn’t for my daughter I would have been got up out of here. She spends more time flirting with dudes online than she does giving any physical pleasure here. I feel like I’m just some random man that happens to share a child with her. Now I have been getting a lot of attention from women and I have been a faithful man for the 4 years I have been with her but I’m not trying to take from my life if another woman makes me feel like I’m somebody again. I am planning to cheat and I just want to know what would you do?
John (Not real name)
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear John
John, you have to communicate these feelings with your girlfriend. You must make your voice heard before you do something you can not take back. What she is doing is hurting you and you need to say something. She is caught up in this false internet world where people are a picture (often not present or real or they are touched up to cover truths) and a story which isn’t real. She is giving attention elsewhere and you need to express how it makes you feel. Her focus on these men could be due to many reasons, one could be her seeking validation from people which can be sad. One could be that she is not into the relationship anymore as well which can make this expression of your stance that much easier. Now the main thing here is your daughter and what happens when this conversation takes place. Have a civil conversation, you both should know exactly what will work and how to make this transition easiest for the child. However, staying together for the child is very unhealthy. The negative vibes, the bickering, the silence, the arguing, all these things will affect your precious daughter. I think cheating is a cowardly, selfish act and responsible adults address issues before assuming selfish acts. Be strong, stand above your situations and express yourself honestly. Good luck and please let me know how this unfolds.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am scared and I don’t know what to do. I have cheated on my husband with a man that I thought was a sweetheart. He came to see me, went out his way, always thought he was so sexy. So many women want him and yet he chose me and that made me feel so special. I wasn’t very active with my husband because our work schedules conflict and I needed it so badly. I felt celibate and we were drinking and things happened. We continued to do this for 2 months, and wasn’t active with my husband at all, Now I went to the doctor and have contracted two std’s and it was from this guy. He is so sexy and healthy looking and it has to be him because I never cheated any other time. My husband is clean, I checked his record. I am terrified to tell my husband, the house, the car and everything is in his name. I’m afraid to hurt him and to be with nothing. What do I do?
Jen
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Jen
First I want to say that a part of me is sorry for you contracting the diseases you did from your cheating ways, but that’s only part of me. It saddens me that your husband has to suffer this because of your selfish disgusting acts. Now this is all going to sound cruel but it isn’t, what you did was cruel, inconsiderate, unsafe and selfish. You should have been mature enough to express your sexual concerns with your husband, you should have been adult enough to assume your role in a relationship as stand by your vows. Your selfishness led to your compromised health. Your search to feel special and your honoring of this man that gave you the std’s you now any possibly forever will carry is sad in itself. There seems to be a stronger concern about being without than about the love for your husband which also tells of your character. You need to seek professional help and try to sort out some things to ride the road to a better you. I fear you have not learned your lesson and if not for these std’s you would not give a rats ass about your husband. The honorable thing to do is come clean to your husband for he is the innocent victim here. Sit him down and whatever you do, do NOT have sex with your husband and risk giving him your diseases. Communication is always the strongest component in any relationship, without it all else collapses. I wish you the best and please learn from this.
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