THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UNSURE

DEAR MR. LOVER MAN,I’m in a relationship with my woman and we are 4 hours apart. We only see each other every other weekend, sometimes we squeeze in an extra weekend here or there and its been 6 months and I am in love, so is she. Is this a relationship that can make it? Because I sometimes find myself wanting her all the time and I have to wait. Thank you from Long Distance Lover


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Long Distance Lover,
Your concern is one I find to be the norm when engaging in a long distance relationship. You want to know if I think that your relationship can make it? Of course I do, I believe love and io mean true love, has no time nor distance for existence. Some ways to make this work better is to find out what the goal is, are you guys willing to move closer, move together, is there a timeframe for that if so? These answers can give something strong to look forward to. The time you spend together must mean a lot. Express that every time you are not together, show appreciation and support. It isn’t easy for her too I’m sure. Do different things, make it more fun, ease the feelings of time apart. Skype when you can, sent letters, do not only rely on technology, become creative in expressing love. The real question here is how bad do you want this relationship to make it? True love can not be damaged by distance or time, true love will find a way until you both physically find a way. Good luck with everything, Let me know how it goes as time continues.


Dear Mr. Lover Man, I need help. I am in a bad relationship and I know its bad. We are at the end and I want to know how do you get over someone you love when they do not love you the same? Thanks, “Hard to Let Go”

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Hard to Let Go,
First thing you should know is that it is not about the other person and as long as you focus on the other person, you have given more power than you should to them and not enough to for you to heal. How do you feel about yourself, what’s your self-worth to you, do you feel good about yourself? You have to be willing to embrace that YOU are the most important person in your world and that your happiness is more important than how the other person feels. Now let me ask you this, why is it important how this person feels about you if its over? Letting go isn’t easy, but it is needed, especially when you have nothing to fight for. It is un fortunate when love fizzles, fades or doesn’t exist and one party wants so much more than the other because they tend to mislead themselves about the situation and get mad at the other person for not feeling the same. You have to be more mature and stand tall. Love yourself more than your situation and know you are great. In a perfect world, love with be equally shared amongst two people but that is not going to be the case, one must learn to love unselfishly and not expect so much. Love freely and heal within. Never settle for anything less than what you are willing to give. Desire to love unselfishly and achieve it. You will encounter a greater love. Good luck and please keep me posted.


Ask Mr. Lover Man, I want to know if I should you tell my good friend that I am falling in love with her? I am feeling like she is the one. Thank you for your time. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is not a yes or no answer type of question. Lets try to analyze what could happen and how strong is this friendship. The important thing here is the friendship, you knowing the person she is and if this confession will not hurt the friendship and you truly love her than I say take a chance but one must feel more confident in this choice. What do you hope to achieve from this? Be realistic with your thoughts and assess what the situation really is. Do NOT mislead yourself. If you are not sure she will accept this then say it indirectly, tell her about a “dream” you had. Tell her how much she means to you without creeping her out. This has to be about the friendship first if the friendship really means anything to you. If she isn’t comfortable with this confession you risk the chance of altering the friendship for the worst but if she is understanding then nothing gets worse, it may just be different for a little while. How comfortable are you with possible rejection? How comfortable are you with this friendship remaining the same despite your confession? These questions need to be asked when choosing. I say go for it, let it be known how you feel. The one thing you own in any relationship is how you feel. Just don’t be imposing about it, be honest without expectation. Tell her because you want her to know and not because you expect her to say the same. Good luck with that, send me a follow up email.





Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a loving relationship, but my boyfriend is upset that we don't have sex as often as he'd like. I love having sex with him, but he's quick and there is no foreplay. He is not as big as I'd like but I've love the orgasms when I do have them. What can we do to make things better? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Communication will guide you through. Make him aware in a nice way the importance of foreplay for you, you can implement some foreplay, leading him into the action, play with yourself and ask him to help you without him using his man tool. Allow him to explore your body with you and do not let him leave that practice, express the joys of it, let his exploring be acknowledged with pleasure. Teach him your body other than your vagina. As for his size, you can teach him positions that will allow you to feel him more, you can add toys to your sexual appetite with him, Giving him the honor of pleasing you nonetheless. You have to find a way to grow sexually with him, don’t expect him to just wake up and make moves he didn’t do before. It doesn’t work that way as men are often creatures of habit. Give him new habits, he is used to it a certain way, break that way and kearn ways you both will love. Every sexual act wont be amazing, take some time to find amazing all the time. As for his releasing a bit too soon, you can help him with that too. Grab him and stroke him, ask him to inform you when he is almost there, the release him, give him time to desensitize and stroke again, do so orally and learn to do so vaginally. These practices will help him to last longer in time. Working together and communicating about what works and what doesn’t will get you both to the point where sex is nothing short of amazing. Good luck with everything.

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WHEN CONFUSION AND SEX MEET

Dear Mr. Lover Man,

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for roughly half a year. We became sexually involved about 3 weeks ago. My problem here is that he won't go down me. If I touch myself I can put my fingers in his mouth and he will lick it clean so I can say the taste can't be a problem. He is a good man and I can feel the love he displays but he just hasn't went down on me. He always wants me to give him oral. I assumed he should return the favor but I don't know why he won't go down on me. Please tell me something. I'm too embarrassed to ask why. Sincerely, What about me.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "What About Me"
I don't know if I can stress enough that communication is key. Your embarrassment is understandable if this conversation has not ever taken place. However, he is very comfortable with you shoving his manhood in your mouth so I'm very sure that the conversation of reciprocation should not be anything of insult. You have to address the curiosity and the pleasures you have heard of or witnessed, you must address how important that would mean to you and how hot you get when you think of him servicing you in such a way. The trick is to lure him into it with honesty. This is what you want and you will not get it by sitting quiet. The taste doesn't appear to be an issue but maybe he is worried that he wouldn't perform well. This could be a learning experience for you both, something you can grow together with and enhance the sex life tenfold. Communicate and express the level of heat it will bring to your bedroom (and anywhere else) activities. Good luck with that.


To Mr. lover Man,
My boyfriend can get on my nerves when it comes to anal sex, I mean I do it for him because he likes it and when I see it on TV I really like it but he does it so rough and hard and I'm always in pain and he has a piercing that has made me bleed twice and when I ask him to remove it or be gentle he doesn't. He says that its selfish for me to ask him to remove his piercing or change how he has sex and that he really loves me. Am I really being selfish? Truly, Pain is not pleasure


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Pain is not pleasure"
For the record you are not being selfish whatsoever, as a matter of fact you are being victimized. Unfortunately you are sleeping with someone who is even a huge idiot. I have to say that in honesty, one who compromises their physical, mental or emotional health to abuse to please such an inconsiderate asshole, you fall into the category which I mention. You have been disrespected, violated, and then told in some lame reverse psychological tactic that a 7 year old can figure out that YOU are being selfish. You need to seek help for your role in tolerating such a perverse act. You also need to consider how could someone who purposely inflicts physical and emotional harm to you for his sick psychological pleasures be worth remaining in a relationship with. Love doesn't hurt and these acts are not filled with love. Please consider seeking professional help, look into asserting yourself as this feels borderline criminal. Also re-evaluate why you are even in this situation because I have a bad feeling you should run. Please keep me posted.


Dear Dear Mr. Lover Man
I am shy in person but I love knowing that men see pictures of me in sexual poses and then getting their feedback as to how much I turn them on and what they want to do to me. I'm in a very loving relationship, is it bad that I want other men lusting over me? Is this cheating? Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Anonymous"
Let me state that it is not up to me to determine if this act is cheating but up to a united decision by you and your partner. How would you feel if this was in reverse or even if he was stripping for women without you there and they were lusting over him? I don't know what to say because that's an individualized agreement between two parties. However, as for your "I'm shy but want men lusting my pics and expressing themselves" I see someone seeking validation for one or some of many reasons, one can be the lack of it at some important phase of life, it could be a sexual desire that you have to have multiple men and this is a way of psychologically fulfilling that. Many reasons have been known to answer why you are so into this. Is this a bad thing? I do not believe this to be a bad thing but then again I am not the man you are in a relationship with. I think it is perfectly fine and should be surfaced honestly. You should bring it up that you wanted to send pics to your partner and to have him\her show them to someone to see what they think and to have him report it back to you. Give him a role and maybe this will work. Men tend to show pics more often of their partner than women do anyway. Good luck with that. Keep me posted.




Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been dating this guy for a few months (3-4) now and the sex is as strong as the relationship. Last night he asked me something that left me bewildered. He wants me to have a threesome with him and his best friend who is a guy. Being that this is his best friend, I feel a bit weird, what if we are permanent and I have to see this best friend all the time? Wouldn't that be completely weird and awkward and uncomfortable? He tells me that you live once and should try it but I am not sure about it. It seems weird that he is ok with watching his best friend do things with his girl. He says him and his best friend have been talking about it for a couple weeks. I'm curious and afraid at the same time. I'm not sure what to do. Confused


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear "Confused"
This seems like you both are on two different pages about what this "relationship" really is. You state a few key things that grab my eye. You have been dating 3-4 months but him and his best friend have been having this conversation for a few weeks. This leads me to believe that early on he had this planned out with his friend and waited until you were more emotionally attached and would contemplate doing this (as it appears to be true now). Also, you made a statement about you worry about what if this "relationship" becomes permanent, trust me "Confused" this will not be permanent. In such a short period of time for him and his best friend to have this plan without you having knowledge of it sounds like a threesome that they are going to love and brag about. You need to only commit yourself to acts that YOU want to do and YOU feel comfortable with and I clearly don't get that vibe from you. tell him no, tell him you are not comfortable and see how or if this "relationship" changes. If so then you know I was right, if not then at least in another time period much longer than the time you have been involved, you can entertain the thought. Do NOT mislead yourself ever about what a relationship is. Good luck. Please keep me posted.

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HEARTBREAK AND DECISIONS TO MAKE

Help me Mr. Lover Man ,

I was dating this guy for about 2 years, one of those years he was with his ex but he was unhappy, he got me pregnant in that first year but we grew closer and eventually got together and he left her. Now we have a 6 month old daughter and all of a sudden he wants to go back to his ex and I’m not happy because I’m not letting him bring her around my daughter at all. He tells me if I don’t let him have his daughter when he wants her he ain’t gonna help out with the money I need for her. I don’t want to go through child support because he said that he wont give no more money or help other than child support if I file. I am struggling and really don’t know what to do. I want to know why he left me to go back to her if he wasn’t happy. I don’t want that bitch (excuse my language) near my child and even though he said she wont be, I don’t believe him cause they living together again. I feel like he still was with her the whole time we was together cause how could he just want to go back like that? Help me please.
Thanks, Confused and Alone


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused and Alone,
This is a classic case of the “side piece” thinking she got a promotion until reality hit. Entering this situation, you were the other woman, the side piece, the runner up, the less respected, the sexually experimented, the option not the priority, the back up singer, the existent when it was time to be used (doesn’t sit well? Good, that is what harsh reality does). In your own world you led yourself (with his lying help) to believe that paradise awaited the moment he left her for you. You went for this ever so popular lame story and although a part of me wants to feel sorry for you, but, you did put yourself in a relationship with a man in a relationship. You have to accept that this is a fault of your own. With that being said, lets address your questions, I want to start off by saying that you NEED to file for child support to ensure the fact that your daughter has a second financial support system, as she should. This is not about you whatsoever, this is about the life you both made in the course of him cheating on his girlfriend with you. As for you not wanting her around your daughter, I would be able to appreciate this sentiment if I believed that this was in protection of your daughter more so than the jealousy of her having him. He needs to be in his daughter’s life. Your unwillingness to do so because of your insecurity of her being next to your daughter is juvenile at best. One day you will move on and you may have a situation where a man will be a part of your daughter’s life, should your daughter’s father ban that forever? This is a game that should not exist. His willingness to be there for his daughter should be honored because you are not the only maker and parent. Now he isn’t no saint here, that idiot cheated, lied and now is trying to use his manipulation to have his daughter as see fit to himself. You both need to either sit down as adults and work out time for your daughters needs, or settle this in family court. Either way it has to be done with your daughter’s best interest at heart and not about the lies you both lived. As for him going back to her, well what did you expect? You were the shoulder to lean on, the side piece, and very rarely and I mean very rarely does that amount to more than what it was during the time you were the side piece. You deserve to be someone number one but you need to know your value first. You need to love yourself more than your situation. Take time to focus on yourself within and your daughter. Do not seek out for him other than your daughter’s father because he will never be more to you. Good luck and please let me know how this plays out. I wish you the best.


Mr. Lover Man, Mr. Lover Man,


My husband of 20 years and who is 45 years old left me a year ago for a woman half our age (I am 44 years old). I am suffering inside and our daughter and my friends say I should just go out and move on. I don’t know how. How do I throw 20 years away just like he did? I am a very good looking woman for my age or any age at if I must say. I am a fitness instructor and nutritionist and I have spent my life in good health and here I am with a torn heart and no way of healing it. It bothers me that he left me for what I believe to be a trophy, he is a very good looking man and I can see why she would want my husband but he threw away 20 yrs of marriage and I have this feeling like I’m frozen in hurt and the world is moving forward without me. Is it too soon for me to get over it and are my friends and 18 year old daughter being irrational to think I should go out so soon? Thank you in advance to your insight. Sincerely, Lost in Transition


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lost in Transition,
This is a heartbreaking situation but not a life ending one. There could be many reasons why an idiot, I mean a person leaves their situation. I don’t know if any fit this here but men have left for younger women to try and defy the feeling of age and to relive youth they are afraid they lost or are losing. Maybe there was a sense of unhappiness not communicated, maybe he grew apart and you didn’t realize it. None of these soften the blow of departure after 20 years but maybe can shed a little bit of light. I can understand how painful this is for you and I do want to say that although your friends and daughter’s advice is in your best interest, you have to find healing within. You may need a professionals assistance in order to ease this transition. There comes a point where his reasons for leaving may make you think it helps but doesn’t. You need to focus on more of you and less of him, you need to find a way to realize the gift you are. I do not expect you to get over anything in a certain time period but be willing to want to get over it. Do not sulk in sorrow purposely. Your 20 years of marriage and your young age of 44 are not symbols of failure but symbols of the opposite. You must keep the good memories and remember that the best thing about memories is making new ones. Life awaits you when you are ready to grab it by the horns. Flaunt your stuff, wear your intellect, embrace your value, stand tall and never give up on love. You are still in a position to wear happiness on a daily basis. You are not expected to give up your memories but should be willing to make new ones. The story of your life has not ended, a new chapter has begun. This may be the chapter of surprise and new additions that you need to spice up life. Do not walk with gloom, walk knowing how wonderful you are. I wish you the best, please keep me posted on how life treats you.



DEAR MR. LOVER MAN,
I saw your face book posting about not spending child support money on yourself. I don’t see why not? Let me tell you that it is hard to raise kids (I have 3 and my 3 deadbeat baby fathers child support don’t cut it) so when I feel the need to treat myself for my hard work to raise my kids (7, 5,and 2) I do so. It isn’t like their fathers are going to treat me. I need a moment to myself and if I need the money to get a night out, its not like me using that money is gonna make my kids starve. They are fed, clothed and clean all the time. You are a man so you do not know what its like to have to go through what I go through raising three kids when their fathers do not help at all other than their child support. I need someone to who is going to be there to get them dressed in the morning, help make them dinner, take them to school, be the male role model they need. Child support does not do that, so if I choose to use the extra money for myself then its all good because I make sure they are well fed. Anonymous


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
How is this even real? Did you not read what you wrote before you sent it? Do you not understand the concept of “child” support? Let me start off saying that the purpose for child support is solely support for your child. Not for you to treat yourself for doing what you are supposed to do. You say its hard raising three kids, well that I’m sure it is, but was it so hard to put on a condom those three times? You made decisions you must stick out. You have mothered three kids with three men who refuse to be anything more than a paycheck for your kids and I despise men like that. That’s a disgusting act, just as it is to spend your children’s money as some form of reward for doing what you are supposed to do as a parent. The reward for parenting is parenting. Parenting is a gift, a beauty, a true loving part of life. The reward for working hard for your kids is having great children, not spending their money to treat yourself. Your kids do NOT owe you anything for being a mother. You state how well your kids are off but let me tell you, the “extra” money that is theirs should be banked and saved for college or a rainy day for them. I hope that the usage of their “extra” money for you does not bite you in the ass one day. You also made the claim of wanting a man to help take your kids to school, cook and etc., well you need to find out why it is you attract the type of man you do. Three kids from three deadbeats all in the same age range (7,5 and 2) is a concern. You should see a professional early on and this could prevent any affect it may have on the children. Your gender based comment about me being a man and not understanding would normally fall on deaf ears as it is not only childish but beyond absurd but I will say that I do understand because as a parent, as a professional, as a man and humanitarian of people, it isn’t about gender in your case, its about decisions one makes. You need to own up to those decisions in order to make better decisions and be able to prosper in life. I wish you the best.


To Mr. Lover Man,
I have a problem but before I put it out there I don’t want you to think I am a player because I am not. I really like these two girls I’m dealing with and I really am having a hard time choosing one over the other. One of them is dating another guy and that bothers me but I don’t say nothing because so am I. I’m trying to be fair about that. The other girl does not know but the one dating does. I don’t know who to choose, they both are knock outs and both in college, both have good jobs and both make me happy. The thing is one makes me happy for different reasons than the other and I feel like if they were put together then I would have the perfect girl for me. I just don’t want to hurt any of them and I know if I don’t choose, this is going to turn out bad for me. How do I go about this? Thanks, Threes a crowd.


MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Threes a crowd,
This is a situation that is sensitive and must be dealt with honesty. Sadly, if the women whom are involved are into you as you claim to be into them, this will lead to someone being hurt. It isn’t fair to the one that isn’t aware that this is happening, especially if you are misleading her to believe other wise. People want at some point in their lives to be exclusive, to be the one and only and I don’t know the women’s intention but I do know you claim that one is dating another. Is she ready to give that up for you? Is she ready to make a choice? You seem to be under the impression that you choosing solves all issues and it doesn’t. What would the other one choose if she knew the situation you placed her in? The risk of std exposure as you are dating another who is dating another. Do you think about other than yourself? If you believe these women value you and these women are of value to you, then you need to come clean. You stated that you are trying to be fair about this and yet you haven’t indicated how you are doing so because I do not see that, nonetheless, there are other parties involved, sit and communicate with them individually. Find out their position, come clean, assert yourself and you reasoning, be sincere and honest. Wish you luck, and please keep me posted.

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TROUBLE IN PARADISE

Dearest Mr. Lover Man,
Have you addressed the cougar issue yet? (I'm 40 in. My boyfriend is 25, 26 in May) It was just a fling (booty call, whatever) from April 09 - Nov 09, then in December, things started to change....
I'm divorced. I tried to discourage this dude, (we broke it off several times in between) I didn't want a fling but he was irresistible and amazing in bed. I'm sooooo attracted to him, but I don't want to steal his youth. I don't want anymore kids (I have 3) I don't want to get married again, at least that's how I feel right now. But he kept coming back......
I'm so insecure about my body. I didn't snap back after the kids and gained weight. My belly is a monstrosity (I'm not exaggerating) He says I'm worrying about the wrong things...but he has the perfect body and youth on his side...
I'm trying to just relax, go with the flow and enjoy my life, with him. But I'm an Aquarian and I love hard. My feelings are INTENSE...
Btw, did I say that he's now living with me?
I don't really have a question, other than why a young guy would want to be with an older woman, body not so banging, 3 kids etc rather than be with a girl his own age, perfect body, etc.... (ok, so it was a question, lol)
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...
Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I want to applaud your younger man for his words to you of encouragement and of empowerment. Now as for the “cougar” issue which I must say I do not consider you one but for arguments sake that’s what we will go with.
Sometimes there are different agendas for younger men with older women, on the men’s perspective there is this motherly sense that gives a loving warmth that women younger or of age do not actually give as often. it’s a psychological component that gives a different attraction. There are the men that look this as a sense of accomplishment and thrill, the older woman gives different conversation, often different sex (many view better) and different views of life. This can become magnetic but doesn’t always become the case. Then there are cases of individuality where the man actually acknowledges the woman’s great values, great sense of humor, compassionate and loving sides and sees her exactly for who she is and the age is not relevant because she is relevant and I have a good feeling that is where your young cub falls in. As for the mention of your not perfect body, well I see a lot less perfect than perfect (if that even exist) and so many men appreciate the “normal” woman more so than believed. Work on making yourself either come to terms with your natural beauty or you can join a gym or work from home. These boost morale and will add drive to your young pups already blossoming drive. Do not seek for the negative answer only because even if it doesn’t exist, you will find it. Situations don’t always go as planned, so your fling progressed against rule and often happens. Embrace his views, converse with him about his decisions and don’t question them often in doubt or negativity. Honor his words as he seems to honor you. I wish you both the best. Please keep me posted on this.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'd love to know what you think about this:
I'm married. We've had our ups and downs in the past - it was always something I felt we'd overcome and that our love and respect of one another would win out in the end - I was always very confident in our relationship. Until we moved out of state - just to do something different. Once we got there, it was very difficult to find employment for me - he transferred his job - I started school instead and began to fit into our new life - he was working over night. We had a neighbor that I considered a friend after a while - she was a few years younger than we were, single mom who lived home with her mother and brother. We'd share clothes, she gave me a few items - even exchanged Christmas gifts and helped me out a lot with things in a new city - I helped her with school - she would even have dinner with us. Every now and then we'd giver her rides home from work, she didn't have a car - either I or my husband would take her/pick her up - when I noticed that he was giving her rides more and more often - Other times I would leave class early to come home and see him on her front stoop - looking stupid when I'd pull up... Long story short, he had an affair with her - not just sex, but a relationship behind my back. I confronted him when he thought I had concrete evidence, and he finally admitted it a year and a half later. Ripped my world apart. I wanted to die. I remember sobbing on the bathroom floor - curled up in a ball and my then 13 year old son comforting me and reassuring me that it was not my fault... I'm still hurt and this was in 2008! Shortly after that revelation, he fell asleep in bed with his cell phone - I was awakened by his phone vibrating - I picked it up and read a text from another female! He denied, then finally admitted they'd been 'talking' but nothing more developed - which may be true, but where would it have gone if I hadn't caught him? I kicked him out - He basically begged me back, I accepted him back - but then after a while he got this cocky type attitude and expected me to just get over it! During that rocky patch I began welcoming the attention from other men - never strayed, just flirted - enjoyed the attention - I mean, I felt fat and ugly before - was losing weight by then. Anyhow, I slowly began losing weight, and paying closer attention to my looks - his jealousy raged! He became smothering and anxious. I threatened to end things with him if he didn't lighten up - so he did - after a few days @ his mothers. So now, we are going pretty smooth - I'm working again but he isn't which leaves him with a LOT of free time and I notice he is always on the computer - clears his browsing history, has a large amount of local ladies as friends on Facebook, etc. I am very uncomfortable, I think he may be up to something... He has moments where he acts as if he is exasperated with me or something, then other times I'm the love of his life. He still snoops on me - reads emails, etc. I'm not doing anything, he can trust me, but seems to feel he can't he's always been that way. I guess my question is: Do you think (in your humble/professional opinion) that he is still straying? Am I a dummy for staying? For the record - I didn't leave then mainly because I wasn't employed (except for a few graphic design jobs) and we have 4 kids (5-16) -things have changed and I could pretty much do it on my own if need be. There are times I seriously consider walking away - but I have children to think about. Not quite sure what to do. I love him, but I'm not happy.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance
Truth {♥}

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Truth,
This saddens me because there is so much in play with your four children risking being exposed if they haven’t been already. They are brighter than we imagine and ever more observant. I hate to see a family dismantled and separated but there are instances where the inner health of the parents are most vital for the health of the children. How much unhappiness is flowing in the air at home and how does this affect the children?
There is always hope for change but I think the scars run so deep that it would take some therapy sessions to assist in healing. Even if the decision to separate is made, you should consider therapy for the trust issues that has become tangible due to his cheating ways. The victimizer always expects the victim to just get over it and that’s because they do not whatsoever understand the pain and hurt in lies, cheating and deceit. They often run and evade from embracing their hurtful positions and wish you get over it so they wont feel like the bad guy. It isn’t so much for you to move on but for them to erase the burden of guilt. Its very selfish for someone to expect you to get over it. You have your own individual time period for healing and need it. This situation without therapy will remain unhealthy and will ultimately affect the kids and that worries me a lot. He seems to have the “you’re my wife, you’re my property” attitude and that worries me as well. Therapy should be a major topic at this point if there is anything to save here and even if not, in order to co-exist as parents for the children without any rage, jealousy or immaturity. Sometimes walking away is hard but best, I don’t want to flat out make an opinionated statement based on what you told me, I just try to give you the best answer I would give myself and my closest loved one. I really think if therapy isn’t embraced as a family then you need to put the option of separating on the table. There is the family component and in order to work as a cohesive family, a loving and strong unit, there must be healing. I truly hope I helped. Please keep me posted.

Mr. Lover Man,
I am in a world of confusion. I think I know what I have to do but seem to find myself stuck in a situation I shouldn’t be in. I typed you this question a dozen times and deleted it because its deep and I questioned how anonymous this is but I see it is and I need your words.
I have been with this guy for two years. Every weekend my child’s father was taking my child and I would have this man over and we would have so much fun and great sex and just feel free and laugh all the time. The last few months my child’s father wasn’t taking our child on the weekends, he sort of disappeared and things with my man are going from great to weird to horrible. He makes me feel so worthless at times and he says my child isn’t his responsibility when I ask him to do things with us. Oh yeah, he lives with me and my child. My child is four and I really thought this guy was someone I can spend my life with and he moved in with me and everything. He doesn’t show interest in my child. He has cheated on me recently and says its because I’m so busy with my child that I don’t have time for him. He makes me feel like he has done this before and I wish he could just accept my child too. My child needs me and I cant just give my child’s attention away to him. How can I do both? How can I make him stop cheating? I really hate how he makes me feel. He blames me for my child’s fathers disappearance by saying I had to have done or said something because the guy wouldn’t just disappear. We start arguing but his words are a lot harsher and I just shut up because I don’t have the strength to argue sometimes. What should I do?
Thank you, I read your blog and I don’t want to go to my friends, they don’t know and I don’t want them to. Sincerely, Lost

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lost,
I never allow these questions to get me riled up because I am someone that has spent considerable time in my life assisting when I can and giving advice. I have worked in some of the most strenuous fields of work and when riled up, step away for a moment of clarity and return with the best of me surfaced. Your email made me take a moment.
First thing I want to say is your boyfriend is a scumbag. Yes I said it. He is a piece of trash, yet I will explain his position so you can have a better understanding why he does what he does. You were the weekend ass to him. Every weekend he was able to have uninterrupted sex, all weekend and a place to stay worry free from whatever he had in his world. He looks at your child as a disruption of this and isn’t mature enough to let go and embrace your child and after this length of time he wont. He doesn’t view you as wife material, he sees you as convenience sex and comfort. You provide shelter and sex and probably dinner. Your child to him is imposing on his perfect little world and he refuses to give in. That is disgusting and selfish and you as a parent disappoint me tremendously. How this idiot remains in your home is something you need to ask yourself. There isn’t a balancing act between your child and that guy if he doesn’t respect you, your child and your position. There is no way to make him happy because he will resent your child for taking away his little selfish world and I fear his ability to harm your child out of jealousy. My best advice is to detach and eliminate, you must realize what’s healthiest for your child and remove this idiot from your home. This is one situation that is unhealthy and rarely if ever gets better. You should also consider counseling because I feel there is more to not only this story but your story in general. I want best for you and your child. Please consider outside help. The best solution with that jerk is to let it go. You may think it will bring pain to your heart but I guarantee after the very temporary pain subsides, joy will surface ten fold. This I promise. Please keep me posted.

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CHEATING AND DECISIONS

To Mr. Lover Man

Hey mr lover lover… I need help here, is it really true that once a cheater always a cheater? My boyfriend cheated on me and he reminded me of when I cheated on him last year but I have not had the temptation to do it again but I think with men it is different, so is it true that once a cheater always a cheater. Thank you, truly, innocent but not so innocent

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Innocent but not so innocent,
People tend to always blame men for being the constant cheater like there is a genetic component that forces men to cheat and it’s out of their control. This is such idiocy. For the record, statistically women cheat more than men and anyone who takes pride in that is an idiot. Cheating is a conscious decision no matter what (unless drugged but that’s another topic) and is one made individually. Can someone change, of course they can. Can someone stop cheating? Of course they can, stop listening to one liners by bitter miserable idiots who are afraid to take chances or who only attract losers. You have cheated and you stated that you have not had the temptation but that didn’t sound like you were in the clear yourself. So should he trust you? I think that counseling or some form of professional help would be suffice here and definitely would pit you in a better position amongst one another. I do wish the best for you, please keep me posted and remember that people are individuals.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Why do people who cheat tend to say that the cheating had absolutely nothing to do with their partner? Say that it wasn't that the other person was better in bed; better looking, etc. yet risk destroying their relationship? How can a person come back with it was just something that happened/something that they felt like doing for that moment and/or amount of time yet still claim to love and want to be with their partner? That just strikes me as immature, greedy and ignorant. I'd really appreciate your view on this. Thank you, Simply Me

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Simply Me
Well in my opinion the fact that one cheats is enough to ask oneself “does the costs of this relationship outweigh the rewards?” and if so, it’s time to let it go. There is no reason for cheating, EVER. The lame excuses people use are to cover their malicious, selfish, inconsiderate selves. These are ways to make them become the victim when they are actually cruel, greedy, horrible people at this time. In your question you want to know why certain things are said. In my opinion these are said to place a pillow under the fact that this person was horrible in their actions and they wish to soften it and make them look less selfish. Anyone who cheats has not taken the loss of the relationship in full account and if they did then they either felt it wasn’t worth much or they had a cemented position. If one results to cheating, they did NOT respect the other party whatsoever. As for the person saying the love the partner and wanting to be with them, well why not? At the moment of not being physically tangled with the side piece, of course they are feeling what they think is love again, of course they want their cake and eat it too. Greedy people are like that. You have to remember that they cheated, so how can you trust their words right after they cheated? Situations like this either need professional intervention or detaching in order for there to be healthy solutions. Good luck with everything.

Dear Mr. Lover Man
I have been talking to this guy for seven months now. Meet him on twitter; we started bbm each then moved to talking on the phone almost every day for several months. We started making plans to see each other. I was excited about it until I went home on a visit and the males in my family started putting doubts in my head. My sister said she would go with me but they said two women shouldn't be going either. But we were staying at a hotel n he was going to meet me there. Well while I was there visiting family. I must have changed because he said I act like I didn't want to talk to him. Well, I stopped calling him for a few months but still talked to him a bbm. I never told him why I pulled back until a few months ago. He was not happy, he said I should have talked to him about it. He has a temper, this I know from the way he writes not from talking with him. And he admits it. But back to the subject. I bbm him all the time but he don't bbm me. We talking about seeing each other again, but to me something is not right. I ask him to call me, he say he will but never do. Now he getting a iphone n he said that I still have his number we can text. He always says that it's me that don't like to talk on the phone. Should I call him? He said he’s not seeing anyone, and that he would like to see what happens with us before he does. I want t believe him but, something is not right to me, and I ask him all the time is he sure bout meeting me. He says yes. But why doesn't he call when he says he is. Or bbm me? What do u think?
Sincerely What should I do?

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear What should I do,
One thing I have always been against is the consistent intervention of family and friends when it isn’t fully warranted. I understand the concern of your siblings but they made a bias and unfair assessment thinking they had your best interest ion heart and I’m sure they did but that doesn’t make it the best choice. Ultimately you have to be content with the choices you make and no one else will ever feel what you feel when you lay your head on that pillow at night alone. Now the troubling thing is that it clearly appears to me that the intervention caused you to act different and keeping this distance for months after things seemed to progress cause this gentleman to retract his stance. He was also emotionally invested and your unexplainable changes for months before the confession can feel deceitful and unfair to the other person. It now has caused him to do the same thing it appears and there doesn’t seem to be substantial growth. As for his anger issues, this is something that should be addressed and there is definitely anger management classes that are affordable all over. I highly recommend it. Now to these unmade phone calls, this is something I call high school. I don’t believe in waiting for a call, giving cold shoulders, waiting to see who calls first, blah blah blah… These are childish and never accomplish anything. These are young minded, bitter games to give a false sense of control in a relationship instead of looking for partnership. You want to talk to him and hear his voice, then call him. He is acting a way in defense to what you have unfolded upon him and although that doesn’t make it right, it’s what’s happening. You need to step up with the same effort as you easily stepped back and make your position known. If this is what you want then go for it, do not wait and allow him to think you are playing the “fall back” game again. I don’t know if it is that he is dating and I don’t know that maybe he is protecting his heart from outside intervention that may persuade you to pull back again but unless you step up you will never know. I wish you the best of luck, please let me know how it turns out.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I need advice ... I’m IN LOVE WITH 3 MEN. And I can’t seem to choose which one that I really want to be with. One makes me happy as a best friend and more but I find that I am not as physically attractive to him, the other is EVERYTHING that I could ask for and more, he is perfect and yet I’m just waiting for something to go wrong, and the other is just everything that I want but don't need because all we do is argue and fight…. help.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: The bad thing about being in love with more than one person is the misinterpreted positions they think they play. In your situation there are 3 men who probably have feelings for you being that you profess your love for them. You stating you do not know which one to choose tells me that in some degree they are not all aware that you are stuck in limbo trying to make a choice. This alone is a selfish act and before you can come to terms with making a choice, take some time to tell these men truthfully how you feel and that you are stuck between a choice of 3 and watch the choice become easier as someone will not wait around to be some contestant in your reality show. However, in searching for the “one” of three, one must ask self what is it that “I” want? What is it that makes me happy and as a unit what can we achieve. Making the best choice is not a guarantee; you have one that doesn’t catch your physical lustful eye and that kind of narrows sexual attraction unless love is so overwhelming which I’m not sure it is because of your physical confession. Then the one that is everything you want but waiting for his errors and flaws to show, in my opinion if you look for something hard enough, you will find it. Even if it is NOT there. What’s wrong with just enjoying what is happening now? Nothing at all. Stop looking for negativity and appreciate what you have. It’s ok to prepare for the worst but stop searching for it; you will ultimately sabotage that relationship. As for the one you are always arguing and fighting with, well that appears to be very unhealthy and not the one I would consider on face value. With the information given, it appears to be the least healthy of the bunch. I think you need to dig deep within yourself and take a moment away from all three in order to better assess the situation, and don’t add any more because soon you will be a VH1 special. LOL. Good luck with everything. Keep me posted.

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SEXUALITY ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS

Dearest Mr. Lover Man, My concern is as far as BSDM I'm extremely fascinated with bondage sex especially when the woman is allowed to be dominate. I do watch bondage porn and get turned on by it. I have been dominated by a male before, worn a collar and leash, been tied, whipped, paddled, gagged, blindfolded etc. I have a wonderful man, that hasn't really tried it too much yet and is willing. I would like to be more in the dominate role as a female without turning him off from it. Such as him wearing a collar, tie him up, using the whip on him or the gag on him. I would even like to wear a strap on and he sucks the dildo. I would like to bring these ideas up him as gently as possible. It is something new, and I don't want to place him in an uncomfortable spot. It does turn me on and it would love to try and share this with him but it's more enjoyable when both parties agree. What are ways to address this issue where both of us can benefit? Thank you, Rose

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Rose
New sexual acts can tend to be uncomfortable and can even shift the direction of the relationship if delivered wrong. For example, asking a man to suck a dildo you have strapped on can shut him down or turn him off, however, during conversation, expressing why it turns you on, how much you appreciate it and showing him the porn you have watched without him may lead him to expanding his sexual horizons and stretch his willingness to please you in these ways. Now in this introduction, you must not be selfish at all. Consider his feelings, learn his sexual interest, his past, his every turn on and find a way to morph that and incorporate the two worlds so you both can make it everlasting. Many men may not give in for a while, some never but find common ground, do not be fussy or pushy because numbers show that’s some of the worst sex, when one party does not really want to do something and does it just to get it over with. Sex should never have any party in that frame of mind, ever. As for collars, whips, paddles and so forth, this is not something every person will enjoy, as a matter of fact; there is always an act someone will not enjoy. Teach yourself to be open-minded to it and to be willing to readjust and maybe tone down to welcome him into a world that may be foreign. You never know, you may be turning him on to some of the greatest sex he has ever had. Good luck, please keep me posted.

Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having this problem. Well I don’t really see this as a problem, but my friends do. I’m attracted to rugged looking men with beards, rough hands, rough complexion and simple talks. There are a few men who are after me, trying at me for a date, but I won’t let them; these men are clean cut well established educated men. Yet I’m just not into them. Their speech is a turn off. My friends all thinks that I’m crazy and that I need to have my head examine by a professional. What do you think? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Allow me to say that this is not foreign at all. There could be so many things happening here and ill touch a few. There is a sexual perception about this type of man as opposed to the other which does not drive you, it is believed by many that the rugged man with simple talks are passionately aggressive and very sexually inclined and that could be a factor in the attraction. You mention that speech is a turn off for the educated man and that’s interesting and leads me to wonder how deep this goes. I do not think you are crazy but there is something underneath the surface that makes me wonder. I think that a professional assessment would not be bad and it may open you to answers. In the world we live in, Tarzan is much more attractive than Bill Gates. You know what you find attractive and many people look at status over inner substance but there should always be individuality in people that reach someone. Then there is the inferiority of dealing with someone well educated and with a certain “speech” and I wonder if that is what we are talking about here. I know men and women alike who deal with people financially inferior, educationally inferior in order to remain dominate and comfortable in their own skin. Seeking professional help for a session or two can guide into answers. Please keep me posted, good luck.

Mr. Lover Man.....I have been struggling with a question for the past 4yrs now. My fascination is with oral sex more so than vaginal or anal. I get more turned on by anything that concerns the mouth, face, hair, etc. As far as oral is concerned it's not a man eating my vagina, that's my hype. I get more aroused by sucking on my man's penis than him taking care of me. For me mentally it's almost like an obsession. I love giving oral to my man a few times thru out the day, while wearing a vibrator. I love deep throating, swallowing always being faced sexed and even waking my man up to it in the middle of the night. I also enjoy the open mouth gags, large dildos any large item being placed in my mouth. My friends often make jokes about me doing this so often esp. considering the fact I doing on my man more so than him giving me oral. I do enjoy him giving me oral but it turns me on more pleasing him. This has been an ongoing issue for me for a while. So my concern is, is there more going on as far as psychologically or could this just be my intense sexual preference? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I will say that there are a few things going on here, I stand, applaud and commend your ability to want to please your man and finding great pleasure in it. Oral fixation is huge in the world, I know of cases where some people cannot have sex without oral leading the way first, there is a dominating/submissive position with oral sex. Usually the one giving the oral sex is the submissive in the unwritten role and it is a different pleasing for the individual receiving the pleasure. However, there comes a point where the role has reverse and the giver is the person in power, depending on the type of oral action. The oral movement does vary from the vaginal and anal cavities and allows a different control for the giver. I believe that control and that power to control another’s pleasures can be addicting and can also be pleasuring. I know of a woman who orgasms from giving oral sex to men and loves the control aspect. Could there be something deeper? Of course there is. There may have been a point where you may have been hurt, cheated on or used in some form and this has enabled you to feel stronger in holding on and gives you more control than you have had before this became a normal part of you. Gagging has become flattering and thrilling for men for many reasons and some cases I know, women have told me the filling of their mouths gives them a sense of strong role sexually. It is almost like a conquering feeling for them. Your friends critique should mean nothing; it’s what works for you and your man that counts here. Good luck with everything and please do not look at your sexual activity as a negative, it appears that you intend to please your partner, look to find pleasure in him pleasing you too. There is a great pleasure for him in doing so.

To Mr. Lover Man, Please tell me what is wrong with me, maybe it is not me, and so tell me what’s wrong with my man. He watches porn and I can’t stand it. I think porn is fake and slutty and does nothing but give men fantasies about woman that isn’t theirs. What can I do to take him away from porn because I don’t think it’s normal to watch porn when you have a girlfriend? This will make me happy. Danielle

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Danielle,
This is actually a question I have stumbled across more times than I thought I would and there are many reasons I have been asked. More importantly, before we go into it, I will say that there is absolutely nothing wrong or unhealthy with watching porn. Now of course I mean porn with consenting and legal adults acting while committing legal acts and anyone watching is a consenting adult. People can use porn in quite unhealthy ways but in your case you did not mention any being used. Your perception of porn is your view and really isn’t fair to him to impose this if that’s what you are doing. In a relationship there are ways to express concern without demoralizing ones interest. I feel that you need to dig within self here and find out what is it that you feel the competitive strike from women in porn for. Your disdain is so strong, yet I don’t see why? Do you feel jealous that he has an entertainment from watching other people perform sexually? Have you tried to communicate with him about this and try to understand his sexuality in total? In relationships good partners do so and I think you both should have longer talks and explore more about each other, express your concerns and don’t be afraid to use your sexuality to sway him away from the internet/television when he is in porn mode. He may just give you an overwhelming service. One last thing I want to address is that fantasies are not unhealthy either; many women have fantasies about actors and R&B singers, is this just as stupid in your book? You both have the right to have your needs addressed and attended to with full attention. State your concerns respectfully and allow him to do the same. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted.

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HELP ME FIND LOVE!!!

Dear MrLoverMan: I am having a real problem here and I hope you can help me resolve this before this situation gets more worser. I am really and totally in love with wonderful guy I met online and we had been talking for awhile now and I find him to be such a very down to earth and just a great person and I want to be truthful and up front with him tell him everything about me. I know what I'm doing is so wrong and I just know I'm going to lose this wonderful person and that he probably deserves someone far better than me and he says he loves me but I'm not the person who he thinks is. He's been hurt before and I don' think this is fair to him me doing this terrible, thing. Okay First I'm older than he is by 10 years, Ive never been married nor do I have any children. I am a very nice looking woman ok let's make that a big and beautiful woman(5'8) with a very nice personality who just wants to be happy and in love forever and somehow that's just not happening and there was a time that I was once so much in love with someone and that person was my life back a few years ago. So as of now there is no one in my life except this wonderful guy I'm talking about also we never met face to face yet. Back some years ago I never had a problem of getting a man and was outgoing in my late teen years up until a couple of years ago. I only had 2 relationships one when I was 17 in high school and a few years later on & that lasted a long time. I used to be shy and still am a little. Anyway this wonderful guy is honest about himself and I don't think he'll ever want to speak or hear from me ever again so I can't blame him I blaming myself for trying to be someone I'm not. I really do want to be with him but looks like that is never going to happen. I just want be happy and have someone to love me forever and me loving them. I know I should have just been myself and not no one else. When we talk we the conversations are always nice with no crazy stuff but I know I blew this my probably my one & only chance for true happiness. Can you help me on this?

Thank You,
Sign, Anonymous.
 
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is complex and one thing i will say is you can mislead this guy and hurt him later on in and lose him forever or take the chance in coming claen right away and trust in love. He sounds like a great guy and I am sure if you come clean and explain why you lied and why you were afraid to come clean for so long, he will hear you out. I wish I knew the exact outcome but we dont. You believe this is your true chance at a forever type of love? Well then you better earn it with some truth before the lie seeks in so deep that you lose him for good. Do not give up on him, and you must express yourself honestly and believe in love. You owe him the truth, you owe him to know about you fully as he has allowed you honestly into his life and his heart and you owe yourself the act to come clean. It is healing, tell him all he needs to know and I promise it will be healing. Ultimately you guys will have to meet, what are you going to do then? That surprise would ruin everything and you would definitely lose him. Before you ever meet him you need to come clean long before like ASAP. Please keep me posted as to what unfolds, good luck and I hope it turns out best for you guys, no matter where that ends.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am in fear of getting hurt. I haven't had positive experiences with dating men. I am currently finding that a protective shield goes up when I start to have feelings for someone. I find that I would like to meet someone, but I am scared that the person will hurt me so I pull back the minute I start to have feelings. I find that I over analyze and label every little behavior as an indication that the man is no good so it's easier to move on without him. I am able to let people in but then I pull back.. I feel very depressed when I am hurt so I decrease my chances by not being hurt by pulling back. I have problems brushing it off like some others are able to do. Is this normal behavior? Should I avoid dating? Should I take the chances of being hurt even if it's hard for me to bounce back and stay positive? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
Sadly this happens more than it should and that’s what the trauma of heartache can do. I am very concerned here though because I know these feelings well and there a ways of overcoming, one is to consider a professional to speak to. There are things you are holding on to that you must let go in order to move forward and I’m not sure how far back they go. The fear of being hurt cannot and should not take more action than the willingness to be appreciated, learned about and loved. You are allowing the fear the paralyzing power that it should not have and I need you to take a stand from within. Take slow steps but strong steps, do not over assume anything about anyone and measure what it is that is being delivered to you. Do not allow this fear to mask your heart and your intelligence. Trust me, the fear that is so strong that it can shut you down or pull you back can and probably has hurt someone’s feelings whom didn’t deserve to be hurt. In order for you to be successful in dating, you must address the inner hurt that has empowered fear. You haven’t had positive experiences, re-cap them and ask what role did you play and work only on that. You cannot fix others but see if maybe you have taken wrong steps or approaches, this usually helps and allows one to heal and move forward. Some people are assholes and some are wonderful, it’s never easy to sort it out right away and at times disappointment and hurt lurk in the clouds waiting to loom in and enter our lives. There is also love, compassion, trust and understanding and they also wait to emerge from within because you have that within already. You must learn to let it surface and trust in yourself to analyze without over analyzing and assess accordingly and ask questions, feel the position and make decisions of rationale on not solely based on emotion. I wish you the best, please stay in touch to let me know how things turn out and good luck.

Dear Mr. Lover Man, So, this is my question....I am in a "relationship" with this guy cause we are having sex. I was told by someone I know that even if you are having just a physical relationship with someone you are still in a relationship. So we dated in the past and we are recently just getting back in touch. No this is my problem..... I honestly like this guy I love the attention he gives me when he is around me, but that hasn't been much the case. I would love to be in a real relationship with him yet I don’t think that he is in that place right now. So I am not trying to be tooo much on him and I would love for him to wife me up but I do not know what to do. Should I stay and try to just be patient and wait or is this only ever going to be a physical relationship. Miriam

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Miriam,
First thing is that once the situation remains just a sexual relationship it often doesn’t progress because of its basis of sex. Yes you guys dated in the past but this relationship is based on sex and gives the message to the guy that he is being used for company and sex and it appears that he is embracing his role well,. The only way this changes for better or worse (and usually better) is to address it maturely. I have a saying I say (Mr. Lover Man exclusive LOL) “Never deny your mouth the chance to be the spokesperson for your heart”. With that being said, you must not live in your brain, assuming it will turn out find if you just let things happen, sometimes one must stand tall and make their position known and this is that time. If he doesn’t want more than you can either accept it as just sex or move forward without him but you well know where you truly stand. Don’t deny yourself truth. Good luck and let me know how this unfolds.


Dear Mr. Lover Man, I am extremely busy and find that dating can be time consuming if you're seeking a serious relationship and not just a casual relationship. I'm unable to date several times a month like most singles that are eagerly looking for someone who is compatible. I am aware that I can observe things such as subtle cues or sexually explicit remarks to detect if a man is just interested in sex. The problem is that you can't always tell. I find it very frustrating receiving no callbacks because I wasn't intimate with him on the first date. Do you suggest that women who are looking for serious relationships discuss sex before going on the first date? I find it would save a lot of time, but I find the latter very uncomfortable. Any suggestions? E.C.

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear E.C.
I will say that time is definitely an issue when establishing something concrete or serious in any matter. It definitely is frustrating not to receive a call back but I propose this, do not always wait for a call, and make a call if the interest warrants a call. From that call you will know where this person stands. Are you aware that about 20% of men that don’t call after a date feels that the woman wasn’t interested? That may be one situation you were in and never knew it. Of course one can say the guy should call and tough it up and find out but equally you can make the call. We are at points where the man and woman’s roles have been changed, mixed, morphed, played with and reconstructed to individual situations and for me that’s great. Try making a call to see where they stand, ask about a recap of the date, it’s safe and gives you a good standing ground. Sadly, one can never know all the time every person’s agenda if there is one and one cannot always find fairy tale romance but one can safely take chances. The topic of sex is very mature when approached right, but don’t just interject it to test a person’s interest because most people meet and date at first because of physical attraction. Good luck E.C.

.Dear Mr. Lover man, I have heard stories of people taking looking for a serious relationship so seriously that they go on several dates a week. The hunt for someone becomes almost a f/t job on the side. I have never taken that approach. Do you feel that people who are looking for a serious relationship should be eagerly looking for that special someone like it's a business? Or do you believe that you don't find that special someone when you're out hunting? What is your opinion? Does it really happen when you least expect it? Anonymous

MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
I honestly am a believer in beautiful stories and I believe in finding beauty in every story. There is not time nor distance to love or happiness, I often repeat that because it is something I have believed in with proof. As for the manhunt for love, that is something so many of us wish was such an easy mission. At times we seek out to find something and if we look hard enough we think we find it, even when it doesn’t exist. Dating is fine but multiple people a week to find “the one” sort of becomes misleading or makes one get burned out to the point of settling. I think every situation is individual and the rules of societal norms mean nothing. One may find love by multi-dating but I see that less often than by learning about one individual at a time. I have seen, heard and lived situations where love does happen when you least expect it, one should never make the assumption that anyone could be “The one” but should learn about people and see if there is enough to pursue. Good Luck Anonymous.

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