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Dear Mr. Lover Man
My boyfriend’s mom is such a b#tch. Sorry for the language but I really don’t know how else to express this. It’s like she can’t see him with a woman and it drives me nuts. She still hovers over him; every time I’m over she has to give me the look over, at times rolling her eyes and even ignores me. I want to tell my man these things but I don’t know how he will react. I also want to slap his mother but that isn’t who I am, even though the thought makes me smile. I don’t really understand how someone could be so dramatic and overbearing on him. He is 27 and I am 26. Isn’t there a time period when this ends? I want to be with him because I know he is the one for me but I didn’t sign up for his mom to be aboard this train ride. What should I do? Agnes
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Agnes,
This is definitely a situation I wish to always avoid in life. It is so hard to be in a situation where the other person will be placed in an awkward situation if the message in conveyed in an inappropriate manner. He seems to have a relationship with his mother that may or may not be a bit clingy. This can be addressed in a civil manner. You can start out by asking him “Do you think your mom likes me?” go with his answer into how you approach the situation, if he says yes, ask how does he know then say “well the reason I ask is because” and not in an accusatory manner but in a civil concerned manner express everything exactly how you feel (minus the slapping of his mom and the B-word). Remind him of the importance of the relationship and why you want his mom to like you. Suggest an outing with other people. Moms tend to warm up a bit more around a larger group of friends. Never be afraid to communicate your feelings because those are yours and if you don’t speak, you are doomed to repeat. I wish you the best of luck and keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I'm 25 years old and have never heard, felt or seen any type of love from my mother... Ever... Not even an "I love you". I've learned through the years to accept it and put it in one of those "it is what it is" categories but it has always bothered me deeply. At a young age (and still now honestly) I thought it was my fault, maybe I did something to anger her or make her ashamed of me. When I was 3 years old we moved from Puerto Rico to Virginia and I ended up living with my grandparents. She told people who asked about us moving that she couldn't do her normal routine anymore because of me. As I got older I assumed it was my fault that we had to move even when my family stated otherwise. She has never expressed anger or rage towards me and I knew she was capable of love because she expressed and expresses love with my older sister. I've attempted to talk to her about everything twice and she blows it off and leaves it at "you were well taken care of growing up"... It’s like she's unaware or doesn't care, either or. I want to move on from this and for some reason leaving it at "it is what it is" isn't helping me emotionally and mentally. What should I do or more so where should I go from here? Thanks.
-A Love Unknown
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear A Love Unknown
These situations are often the hardest in relationships. So many times there is so much missing between parent and child and this can lead to a series of unanswered events in one’s life. I want to say that there is a saying that “sometimes let sleeping dogs lie”, however, this is not that time. You carried an unfair burden too long and you are warranted healing. There could be too many factors as to your mothers lack of loving expression you may have needed and/or wanted growing up (even present). I wish I can tell you which one but that is impossible to determine without having full participation from your mother, this is where you come in. You are going to have to take the authoritative role in wanting answers. The passive role continues to get you brushed off. Express the importance of wanting to know, express how bothered you are and what burdened you carried for long. Let it out, not in an attacking manner because maybe your mother hasn’t come to terms in some issues she faced, but in a strong, loving way. Try to defy the brush-offs, try to resist just walking away and accepting no answer. Have you tried speaking to other family members who are intimate with this situation? Maybe trying to link something’s together? Sometimes this helps as well, but nothing will give that full healing and resolution like a sit down with your mom. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am having so much trouble with my family. I can get them to like my boyfriend and they haven’t even met him yet. I have 2 brothers, one sister, and my mom. I am 25 years old and they just can’t get over what my ex boyfriend did to me, so now I suffer from their ridicule, comments, their aggressive “protection” and I’m am so unhappy. My boyfriend was happy to meet them and the day they were to meet my family started a huge argument with me and sabotaged the entire meeting before it could happen. Now my boyfriend is unwilling to meet them and I want to try to mend this and get them all on the same page but neither will budge. I think I understand my boyfriend’s position in not no longer wanting to meet them but it would make me happy. My family on the other hand has been insisting that he will hurt me like my ex did. I feel like I have to always make my family happy because I felt like I neglected them when I was with my last boyfriend. I’m tired of this, what to do?
I Am an Adult
MR LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear I am an Adult,
First of all, you need to take a breath. Next you have to remind yourself that you deserve happiness as well as anyone else, whether its family, friends, boyfriend, etc. I’m sure they in a sense are trying to look out for your best interest but living as their puppet will never give you the happiness they need. If they haven’t met him, their pre-judging is childish and bordering idiotic. However, I can understand their stance. Whatever it was your ex did, made them feel you are not inadequate to make decisions for yourself again. You need to take a stand for yourself and not allow them to run your life. It is good to look at others opinions and have discussion but they are childish in their campaign to bash someone they don’t know anything about. State the importance of this relationship and tell them, if they really want to protect you, they would accept your situation and allow you to learn. By the way, you are 25 not 12. This is almost insane that you are not allowed to make adult decisions in a relationship but the entire world accepts you as an adult. As for your boyfriend, I think that he has a legitimate gripe in not wanting to meet the people whom have pre-judged him without knowing him. However, this is important to you and I’m very sure if you convey that in communication, if he is the good man you expect him to be, he will fold. You have to make a compelling case as to why he should forgive and forget in your best interest over him being offended. I believe that he will because people will always judge others and it takes a strong person to overcome that. This is an early test already you both are facing. You both determine the fate of this relationship, not your family. That’s almost perverse for them to even think they will have say so over an adult, not to mention selfish. Allow effective communication to lead you through this. I believe that a resolution is near. Good luck and please keep me posted.
To Mr. Lover Man,
My brother and my best friend always giving me flack about guys I date. Especially my best friend (he is male). It seems like they are never good enough and this time I am happy, I want to settle down and I can’t get them to even crack a smile about it. My best friend is always talking this macho crap about what he would do if this guy hurt me or how he would do this and that and in reality my boyfriend would put a severe hurting on him but that’s neither here nor there. My brother seems to always have been protective and that I can understand to a degree but I am 30, yes I said it, I am 30 years old and hate to visit my brother because although he is only 32, he seems to think he is the boss of me. My best friend tends to use things against me to get me to give in, he will shut me out, make fun of me, throw in my face how many times he was there for me and right now I’m starting to think he is jealous that I finally found the one. I don’t have any sisters and being the only girl makes me understand my brother but it’s how he does it. He is so bossy and I am so tired of it. My father accepts my boyfriend, my mother accepts it and yet these two always give me flack. Should I ignore them? “I want to be happy”
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I want to be happy”
Obviously with this much concern you have expressed you cannot ignore this, I don’t think you could if you wanted to. It is almost childish that at this age this teenage protection phase is still ongoing. It is great that your parents have embraced the notion of your happiness with your boyfriend but sad that your friend and brother hasn’t. Brothers are asses at times and although they often mean well, they tend to over shadow great judgment with protective crap. You have to sit him down separate from your friend and express how important his is to you and remind him how many times you listened and this time he should consider your judgment. You can also express the same with your friend. Just make sure you do it separately. Maybe your friend is jealous because he secretly wants involvement and feels that you are too far deep into the friendship. Or that you know way too much to take him serious but whatever the case is, this is NOT about him or your brother. In this world you can NOT please everyone but if you don’t please yourself, ultimately you don’t please anyone. Put yourself first and then it will all fall in place. Recruit your parents if you have to. Talk to them for support, this often sways decisions; you need to make sure that you understand that your brother and friend will not give you the happiness you must find from within. Your boyfriend can’t give you inner happiness either but they all contribute somehow so you must find a common ground. Communication will lead you there. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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The time of year has come where it is time to acknowledge the hard work of the real men whom have not just created but made a powerful or most powerful impact in the lives of their child(ren). The men whom have not just defied odds but have done so in the media’s shadow of the lame Dad, of the run away dad, of the child support only dad. The wrong dads are being highlighted on your televisions and in your conversations. The real Dads quietly move forward with no glory in mind, no validation (although it would be nice) and no bitterness, we simply love our children as all Dads should.
I remember when my dad was dying, and he was a stubborn son a gun. His liver failed, it was at a stage where his time of survival was limited. My son Jayden was just born, a mere almost 4 months old and I knew what I had to do. It was time to save my dad. I donated 60% of my liver to save his life, a feat that was not viewed as the smartest move by some. Even the doctor whom was performing the surgery asked me privately “You sure you want to do this, you have a four month old baby”. My sons mom said “Please don’t do this, your dad lived his life”. Despite the words to deter me from doing the honorable thing, I never once doubted my commitment to my Dad. I could not fathom the thought of waking up knowing I let my dad die. Who can say they gave life to the man that gave them life? My dad and mom are married 39 yrs, together longer. I don’t know the runaway dad first hand, so I did NOT know how to be a run away son.
The surgery went wrong, I suffered damages by error of the hospital that are permanent and I live everyday with love, despite the tears, the pain, I remember my dad getting out the bed and walking over to where I was laying (I couldn’t move) hugging me and kissing me and telling me he loved me. That’s a Dad and son moment for the ages. My sister called me her hero, I was just doing what dads do.
I remember I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t feed myself for a period of months and went through a traumatic ordeal. The only times I was able to smile was seeing my son Jayden and seeing my Dad. It was like I was the middle of giving two lives to two great men. Both influence me greatly, its just that one is too young to actually know it.
I defied the odds, not just for me but because I have a son that needs me and that’s what dads do. I gave my dad 60% of my liver for many reasons, one was to teach my son the value of life and to show him that’s what dads do. I take pride in not running or ever having the thought. I take pride in being the greatest influence in my sons life despite what society wishes to view us as. I am honored and blessed every time Jayden runs to me as if not seeing me for years, even if it was 4 hours. I love loving him and him loving me. I am his protector, his friend, his hero, his soldier, his leader, his inspiration, the man he inspires most, but, most of all, I am his Dad.
So please honor the great men who have done and still do his job. Do not dwell on the negative as we do not empower the runners. We empower those worthy of power. We love all because all need love but we honor the honorable. Fathers Day is more than a hallmark card moment. Happy Fathers Day to all the real men that have loved like no other, that have sweated, cried, stood tall, that have walked with grace or dragged when they could barely walk, but yet still making their loving mark. Happy Fathers Day to the men who fight to be more than a child support check, who fight to make their child(ren)’s worlds a better place than their own, to the dads who despite the drama, never expose their children to it. The real dads who will never be less. I stand tall, I salute you from my heart, I hug your soul, I love you all… This is my ode to us. Happy Fathers Day to us.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Recently I broke things off with the guy I was seeing. (We will call him Robert) I was really into him, but I just couldn't seem to see where he was into me and decided to stop wasting my time. After almost 9 months, I got tired of the extreme effort. I moved on and have been meeting some absolutely wonderful guys who are real gentlemen. It was not until I broke up with Robert that he actually started to show emotion. Before he was just hard on the exterior. I believe it was because he had been hurt in the past and didn't want to be hurt again. I felt it unfair that he would be emotionally detached with me because of his wanting to guard his heart. I tried to show him that I was genuine as much as I could. I mean we've all been hurt before at com point, right? The issue here is that since I broke up with him, Robert wants to see me again. We've gone out a few more times. He is extremely communicative; He wants to make a lot more time to see me and is more affectionate. He doesn't want to let go. My problem is that my feelings have changed to the complete opposite. I feel nothing for him anymore. He wants a second chance but I am not interested. I don't want to hurt his feelings. How do I find the words to tell him that I just don't feel anything for him anymore?
Signed, After The Love Has Gone
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “After The Love Hs Gone”
Sadly the time of emotional has arisen and departed at different times and the harsh truths that we hate to deliver must be given. One thing I always believed is that when giving news that could potentially hurt, two things must be measured, one is, the truth must always be told, no matter what. The second thing is trying to find a way to deliver the news in a way we would like to receive it with the least amount of pain as possible, because truth is, there will be pain. Do not mislead, and as you do so, speak that these are your feelings entirely and it may not be a direct reflection of who he is today but that the waves have shifted to a different part of the ocean. We always use these terms “keep it real” and when these hard times to do so come along; we want to keep it safe. This is your test to keep it real and safe. You once loved his heart; remember that when trying not to crush it so bad. However, always be honest about it. Good luck with this and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
If I could tell you how many times me and my boyfriend broke up you would probably give me a tongue lashing. I don’t know why I can’t stay away. He has cheated on me (that I know of) 5 times and I just want to believe that he will change for us and we can just settle down. He says he has protected sex with them and gets mad if I suggest using a condom. So I give up and then I’m worried for 3 months while testing for std’s. I want him to realize that I am a good woman and to give up the trash and to settle down, what can I do different because I think I’m doing it all. From: Love Hurts
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Love Hurts”
You are in a dangerous place as your situation can at any moment turn life threatening. Your submission to this man’s sexual rant about condom usage (or lack thereof) can give you an irreversible STD that you will forever regret. You wish him to give up the trash for you, yet he treats you as such, you need to find yourself worth. This man has too much power over you and not only knows it but abuses it anytime he can. You gave him a get out of jail free card more times than a monopoly board offers. When do you come first? When do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve more? How far gone are you into this man’s grip that he can abuse you mentally and stomp on your soul? You may need to seek professional help and vent, you may need a shoulder but you do NOT need him. Stand tall and find your soul. He will never change for you, he can only change for him and he has yet to seek that. You need to change this situation by safely removing yourself from it and finding a safe zone of serenity. You deserve better, I need you to believe that. Please keep me posted. Good luck.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
When is it finally over? When can I move on and not think about my ex? I try to date women and it seems that everyone I date I end up finding something similar about something I didn’t like about my ex or something different that they don’t have that my ex has. We broke up a month ago and it was hard because we been inseparable for 3 years. She broke my heart and I tried dating right away to get over the hurt, my friends suggested that but it isn’t working. What can I do to move on?
Thank you, Outta My Mind
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “Outta My Mind”
Breaking up is never the easiest for everyone. Accepting it is over and facing heartbreak can manipulate one to believe they have lost and feel defeated, and we tend to run somewhere fast to fill voids we believe are empty. Your friends may mean well with their suggestions but they don’t know what’s best. Time to heal for self is most important, time to detach is great. Looking at this situation as a victory in avoidance of a greater hurt later on should be your perception. You are hurt now but I’m sure had you not faced this hurt now, it would have been devastating tenfold later. Be stronger than your situation, you should want more but you have to heal your soul. Learn to understand that everyone is an individual and not everyone has the same storyline your ex does. If you look for it, you will find it, even if it doesn’t exist. She is not the epitome of women; she is not the statue of standard. You need to learn women as who they are, not as whom they aren’t in comparison to your ex. Please keep me posted. Good luck.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
My ex fiancé seems to always slither his way back into my bed. I know he loves me but he does things that hurt so much. We were a couple for 4 years then got engaged for a year. In the 5 years I watched a good man become a cheating man. I do see his potential for being the good man that he was in the beginning and I think that is what draws me back to him. He is so nice at times and we have good sex, but it seems like something happens after that because by the morning he is cold to me. I don’t know if it is me or maybe it is because I’m lacking something sexually but I try anything he wants. What am I doing wrong? How can I make this work?
Signed, I Need Strength
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear “I Need Strength”
There is a strong sense that you mislead yourself more than he does, that you create this fictitious sense of who this guy is to allow you to embrace your role he imposed upon you as the victim. This needs a professional assistance in stronger portions than one question being asked. You say he loves you and everything he does suggests otherwise. You seek and wait for a man he once portrayed instead of seeing the man he is. And honestly calling him a man is a major disrespect to real men out there. This “male” is nice at sex time and cold when he is no longer hot and horny and you accept it, so of course he will continue to use you as easy accessible sex. You are not showing your true worth, you are allowing him to determine what that is and he has no right. You empower his cold weak cowardly shell and you wait for him to become more. He is not more than the trash he shows you he is. You need to take the time to love yourself more and to take back the power he has over you. Love doesn’t hurt, and that is a true indication that he doesn’t love you other than sexually, if he even loves you for that. You are worth so much more; you are amazing beyond your belief. You are a Queen and should be treated as such. Women make us men better and true men recognize this and you have not received that because he is NOT a true man. Want more, detach from this idiot and have more from life. Please. I recommend that you seek professional help in some fashion. Please keep me posted. Good luck.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I have been seeing this guy for 2 weeks and I really like him, I want to have sex with him and I know he wants to, I think he wanted to the moment he saw me but doesn’t all guys act like that? I don’t know what he is after and that’s why I haven’t gave it up yet but I don’t want to lose him if I don’t give it up. He says he really likes me and that he likes spending time with me but when he tries to go the extra step and I pull back I feel like he gets angry. Is that something all guys do because I know guys are into sex like that. What should I do? Thanks, Confused
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Confused,
You don’t have a dilemma that says whether you should or shouldn’t have sex with this guy but your real dilemma is how much self love do you have. You state doubt about this mans interests and his objective yet you lamely attempt to justify it by throwing him in an umbrella of what men are like. For the record, you are no man expert and are wrong to even think all men are the same way. You need to assess this as an individual situation, communicate and look at the signs you claim he has made as possible evidence for his motive. One can have sexual frustration but in a mere two weeks to show this frustration leads me to believe that he is definitely out for one thing. Give yourself time to ask yourself about the direction of this mere two week relationship and then convey this information with him to see where he stands. Pick up signs of disinterest, frustration or manipulation in this conversation. That will lead you to a smart decision. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
How can I make my boyfriend more aggressive in bed? He is good and I love him but I’m really into more aggression. I like to have my hair pulled, I like to be spanked, I like to be submissive and told what to do. I try to introduce it to him by being aggressive with him so he can return it but he becomes submissive and that turns me off. What can I do?
From Sex Kitten
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sex Kitten,
First and foremost, I’m a big advocate of communication. I feel without it, nothing will be resolved and your situation is no different. You are showing him aggression with the expectation of him matching it, but maybe he read that sign wrong and assumed you wanted to be the aggressor and gave you that role. You have unwarranted expectations and should not fault him because your job is to always convey what it is that you want, need or like. This is not the most difficult tasks at hand. Just speak freely and express that you would like to reverse roles and see how aggressive he can get and that the mere thought of it turns you on. Explain to him your limits and how important it is that he does not cross them. Be receptive to his feelings as well and meet on common ground that you both can learn to love these acts together. Set the stage so to speak and walk him through verbally what turns you on, then begin the role. Hope this works out for you both.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I think I am in love but I don’t know, I have been with my boyfriend for a few months but I don’t know how I feel. I only loved one man before him and I don’t know how love is supposed to feel. Ok, let me explain, I know that I want him in my life always, I know that the thought of him not being in it hurts, I know that when we have disagreements I cry because I’m so hurt and hurt that he is hurt. He tells me he loves me and I feel like it is true. I feel like I’m so special with him. He goes all out to make me feel like I am the only woman in his eye. The problem is shouldn’t I feel exactly the same? Do I feel the same? I don’t even know. He says he isn’t expecting me to have the same feelings but I feel like it isn’t fair. Should I say it and then ill know if I feel it? Help me please. Thank you, Jackie
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Jackie,
I think that he should be commended for his maturity with his feelings of a selfless love and having no expectation of you matching his love. You are adding pressure where it is not warranted., He isn’t pressuring you for an answer or for you to find a definitive concrete definition for your feelings and in reality that’s a blessing. Take your time assessing your feelings. To me it sounds as love exists but never try to get a certain definition for the level of love. Love takes on many faces, many levels and has many places, don’t worry yourself to death over this and just show your appreciation. Don’t hold back anything you wish to say as long as it is honest. Do not say something hoping it comes into fruition because that’s lying and will ultimately bite you in the ass in the future. We all feel our own way about a situation and never can feel the exact same way at the same exact time. Those that profess to do so are usually lying. Feel free to take your time, he has given that blessing of time for you to go at your own pace. Good Luck with everything.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am a happy man. I don’t know why I am scared though. I have been in situations that start out happy and usually end in my lady cheating or something bad happening. Now I am with a good woman and I cant help but wait for her to someone do what the others have done to me. I like this happiness, it really is something I dreamt of and I do everything I have to do to make her happy. Why cant I get it out of my head that she is going to do the same as everyone else?
Sincerely John Doe (not real name)
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear John Doe,
You are going to set yourself up to fail in this relationship if you do not learn to detach from your past. Each person is an individual and you are showing signs that you still need to heal. Most everyone has endured some form of heartache but the ones that move forward into healthy relationships are the ones that know that the one they are with is NOT the one they were with. Love who she is, admire what she shows you and reciprocate to the best you can. If you look for something long enough, you will find it, even though it doesn’t exists. You need to appreciate who she is and what she does and separate anyone before her from her. They should not have that much power in your present relationship. You owe your present girl much more than this. You owe it to yourself. Counter weaker thoughts with pleasant thoughts, every time you associate the past with expectations of negativity, immediately remind yourself of how wonderful this one is. Counter the weak with love. Never empower the evil and live to love. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
What do men really Want? I am an educated woman. Even though I think I am just a regular girl, I get told that I am beautiful or sexy all the time. I like sports, football, boxing, etc. I was engaged to be married once, but have been single about 5 years now. I have tried dating. But with minimal success. I have a lot to offer, I am loving caring and dedicated.
I can be a real vixxxen in the bed room as well.
All that being said, men don't really want to take the time to get to know me to get all of the benefits. I mean I am not perfect and I don't make myself out to be. But if they tell me I am all that, why do they run before giving me a real shot? They ALL tell me, you are going to make some lucky guy REALLY happy one day. What the hell does that mean?!!
Signed, Baffled
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Baffled,
The million dollar question…. However, one will be surprised to know that men want a lot of the same things a woman wants. Men want attention, to be acknowledged, to be complimented, companionship, to experience love, great sex, an understanding partner and so on and so forth. In your case, I think this has to do with your choice of men and the stages in their lives. There has to be something you are letting off that these men leave before a real shot is in play and that must be analyzed. You possess great qualities but something you are giving off is giving these men the early escape and that is setting off heavy warning signs. When guys say “You are going to make some lucky guy really happy one day” its usually some pity line that makes them feel good about their exit. It really isn’t about you. This eases a cowards exit. Try to think about where your conversation usually lies when these men start running, think about something done that is consistent that may be giving signals that make these men exit at the same time. That just may be where your answer lies. These men may not be ready for anything near what your ready for. Their lost. Know you are a gift. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
Why do men have to cheat so much? I feel like it is pointless to even date them anymore. The last four relationships the man cheated, I think that maybe because where I work (in a club) that maybe that’s why these guys cheat. Guys seem to be sincere in the beginning when they meet me at work. I hate being treated like a piece of sex object. I feel like I shouldn’t have to deal with this. I fall for these good looking guys but how do you know when they are really into you? Please help me because I should have better than this. Thank you. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous
Well, first thing is you are accepting men hitting on you in an environment where the goal is easy sex. Men aren’t looking to take you serious in a club and yet you subject yourself to this repeated action. You should know this well as you are in a pit of lions and if you put your shield down how do u expect to not get bit. You need to remain professional at work and build the reputation of not mixing work and pleasure. These men see an attractive woman in the club (which was the goal entering the club) and they hit on you an you accept. Mission complete. I have yet to meet a man looking for a wife in the club, I have yet to meet a man looking to settle down with the club girl other people are all hitting on. Look for good men in better places and please check this article out I wrote about that, "How To Find a Good Man" http://tumblr.com/xee73dh5h this will lead you to a better path with great men. Until then you need to find a higher level of self love and try to understand your worth. These men may be attractive but as you see, your eyes assist in their plight to conquer another attractive woman. These scumbags continue to hurt and manipulate and in this instance you have to nsee where you are assisting this pathetic act of theirs. Of course they meet you in a club they are going to be nice an run all these lines are you. Its basic lameness. So you ask, why do they cheat? Well because they do NOT respect you or themselves, because they are out for sex and are immature idiots. You cant change this mind frame, but you can set limits when learning these men, you can know your worth and not mislead yourself about these idiots. Be strong and don’t look for love until you obtain a higher sense of self love, this will allow you to love stronger and receive real love from a great man. NOT IN THE CLUB. Lol. Good luck, please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I know men want time with the friends. What I cant stand is his single friends, I feel like they are a bad influence for him. I know guys like that never want to see other guys happy and they probably in strip clubs and other mischief. Every time I mention this he defends his friends, he runs the whole “I grew up with them” thing but they seem to not have grown up. They have a guys night twice a month and I just feel like he needs to grow up and let these losers go. How can I show him the how important it is to me for him to see how his single friends can be a bad influence? Am I being irrational? My friends are not single. Thank you Sylvia
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Sylvia,
One thing that will hold a grudge in a relationship is one party trying to determine the friendship of the others. You are definitely entering a zone you do not want to. You have a very unreal perception of your position with your significant others friends. His happiness with them should mean something to you. Your insecurities about him cheating is unwarranted if he has never given you a reason other than he has single friends. You come across very irrational and need to commend him for not cheating instead of waiting for him to do so. You need to be happy that he is happy instead of plotting your anti-friend bitter attack. Whether your friends are single or not is really irrelevant and childish. I can see that you are mounting a childish attack by comparing your friends relationship status and in reality, that doesn’t mean anything. You need to reconsider this and come to terms with the fact that his childhood friends and their two nights a month is highly reasonable. Get over yourself and stop judging them so much. Good luck with everything.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m a single mother pushing 30 years old. I know I’m not old but I am at a stage where sometimes I want another child. The problem is finding a suitor. I seem to be attracted to younger men and they are not mature but they are so attractive. I need a male figure for my son and daughter but these young guys are not good for that but I think because of my past not many guys that know me take me serious. I have been rumored to have slept around but I dated a lot and didn’t sleep with all I dated but rumors unfold and whatever has been said has been said. These young guys try to move fast but I can control them, the older men that know me seem to want only sex and that bothers me, some are friends and I question their friendship. I am confused about a lot of the men in my life. I don’t know that I’m asking a question and maybe just letting this out, if you want to respond I would be happy. I dated a lot the last month or two, trying to get a feel for different men but it seems that every time I like them it backfires. No Name
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear No Name,
How important is finding a suitor? Your vent is concerning because I can understand you wanting a male figure but your choice of controlling young men may be linked to the psychological component of you wanting another child or in defiance of age (which you’re very young) or most concerning, the control of young men to compensate for the sense of loss of reputation with the rumors spilling through your world. These are all unhealthy reasons and should be re-evaluated by yourself. As for “friends” that want sex and that you have to question their friendship, well you need to do yourself a favor and remove the “friend” title and put them in a place they deserve to be in. You mention in your own words that those guys are not good male figures for your kids, so my question is, why punish yourself and deal with them. Learn to be more than the moment and try to date less and hug your soul. Try to assert yourself into what you really want from a man and although being flexible is reasonable, you need to stop bending so much and dealing with men you already know are no good. Going on a lot of dates will not be good for your reputation and I only mention that because you made it an issue, however, I never give a crap about bitter rumor spreaders. You have children and you need to live by example. You need to stop making childish, senseless decisions with men and then add to your confusion. Think about the man you wish to be around your children, you say you need a male figure for them, then consider how important it is that this figure is a wonderful figure. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I love this guy and we been together 8 years. The problem is I don’t feel like he loves me except when he wants sex. He starts to touch and kiss me, he doesn’t do that any other time, also he is always out with his boys and never calls to check on me, he wont even answer my call or text but he is always on Twitter at the same time I’m messaging him. If I go out (not as much as he does) he always wants to call or text and gets mad when I don’t respond right away. He has broken up with me about 5 times and has dealt with other women, but he always apologizes and I love him so I take him back. I know people say I should leave but I cant, I believe we can work and get better, I think in time one day he will appreciate me. How can I speed that process up?
Torn but in love
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Torn but in love
First thing you should know is that you need to learn to love yourself more than you do. You voluntarily subject yourself to emotional abuse and you rationalize with the whole “but I love him” crap. If I had a dime for every time some idiot said that, I would be Bill Gates. How do you love someone that not only doesn’t display love but doesn’t display any good qualities to love? Your self-esteem needs CPR and your heart needs mending and education. You need to learn to love yourself, you need to learn that being an emotional cripple, or emotionally dependent is NOT loving someone. You need to know that time does not guarantee love, so your being together 8 years does NOT mean love exists., You are accessible sex, easy convenient sex for him. You are there at will, he sees you as property. He can sleep elsewhere, leave and always return because he knows you are broken, he knows you are weak. You need to take that power back from him, you need to find love for self so badly that you see what you wrote me and see how abused you are. As to your question about speeding it up, well you are misleading yourself into believing something that isn’t real, you can not speed it up. He is the only one that can change him and it has to be for him and not for you. You are in a very unhealthy relationship that has potential for physical abuse, you need professional help and should consider that. I hope the best for you, love yourself enough to move on. Please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I’m having some doubts about my situation with my woman. She seems to always be more involved with her male friends than me. She is also always willing to support their projects but never has supported mine. She compliments them, never compliments me, she has more conversation with them than with me and seems to always make me secondary. Is this worth saving? I don’t even know how she feels because she is not expressive with me, I try to start conversation and she doesn’t give back much, but she loves the attention from other men. Am I dumb for even staying?
Luke
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Luke,
Luke, this is sadly a little bit more common than mentioned. I have encountered this question on my lap more than I would like to admit. The thing is that it is hard to pinpoint the exact cause of her distance from you and gravitation towards other men. Here are some options to consider, at times some people are too complacent in their relationships and tend to take their partner for granted. They often assume that this is their situation and it wont change so they don’t show the loving appreciation they should. This usually leads to the relationships demise. Another option to consider is that she is involved with another man or men and that her attention is easily diverted because she is easily bedded by them. There is no excuse for a partner to not support their partners project but support random guys projects. She may not have the appropriate attention span to be with just you and bores easily and needs new men often. This will make her bitter and lonely ultimately and you do not deserve to take that bitter ride she is on. You deserve better. You have said you attempted communication and she isn’t open, I applaud your attempt but I think that sometimes your approach has to be one that caters to her persona. If that fails, feel free to express yourself anyway honestly and move on. Everyone deserves a partner that appreciates them, everyone should be complimented and supported and she isn’t ready to be a woman yet, and she may never be. Let her go if she isn’t willing to communicate and move forward. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
I am married with my wife for 5 years and we are happy. We have a 3 year old son and I really have no quarrels to report here, however, my dilemma derives from a previous relationship and I really am baffled at the lengths someone would go in lies so I would like to seek anonymous advice. My ex-girlfriend from long ago has an 11 year old daughter that she is saying is mine. Now I haven’t heard from her this entire time since she was caught cheating on me and I walked away. Her daughter being mine doesn’t seem as possible as it being the guys she cheated on me with but I am not a man to walk away from my duties as a man because of a bitter break up. She has showed up to my job with her daughter and this girl looks so sickly that my heart was shattered for her. My ex used to be a model and I figured what I always told her would be right, I told her to have a plan b because modeling wouldn’t last forever, and she is looking a bit shabby as is her daughter. Now I wonder if I am being a scapegoat or am I really a deprived father that was denied the opportunity to know his child that he didn’t even know existed? I do not expect you to know that answer but I would love insight out of my own. Thank you. Anonymous
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Anonymous,
This is not the easiest situation to face but I admire your diligence as a man, your desire to do the right thing. Now lets talk about a few possibilities here, your ex-girlfriend and her denying you 11 years of your possible child is something you are going to have to let go. That’s something you can explain to this child at an appropriate time if she is yours. Her mom will have to answer for that later on in life. Maybe she was ran through and run dry & taken advantage of from her looks, maybe she is unhealthy, maybe she is broke, maybe she is tired, but no matter what it is, the focus is 11 year old child. Your ex may have a plan and I think that your priority is DNA testing. Not on no silly outlandish show like Maury Pauvich but definitely done asap. I don’t even know that it is healthy to create a dialogue with the child until this is done. They have many clinics all over that do this service quickly with results rapid. If this situation unfolds revealing you to be the father, please do N OT enter this situation bitter about the past, do not focus on what you missed and focus on today and tomorrow. Love her with your heart and welcome her to your family with warmth. If she isn’t yours, close this chapter in permanence and move forward feeling absolutely no guilt as you did nothing wrong. Good luck and please keep me posted.
Dear Mr. Lover Man,
This guy I was with said he was in love with me and wanted to have my baby and all this stuff that really made me feel good. I messed up and went on 2 dates with another guy, but I conducted myself well. I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have, I didn’t’ have sex, I had a good time but then felt so bad I confessed it and got dumped. Now one week later he is already dating someone else and to be honest I feel like she is hotter than me physically and I’m almost intimidated to even think I can get him back. What do I do? He wont talk to me.
Lizzy
MR. LOVER MAN SAYS: Dear Lizzy,
Sometimes the choices we make bite us in the ass and you made a choice to date another man while you are in a committed relationship, you kinda got what you deserve in this particular situation. Have you taken into account how he would feel about it? It does not seem that mattered while you were on your date have a grad old time. He found someone else and refuses to talk to you, now in honesty, this very well seems like some rebound piece of ass but I could be wrong. His refusal to speak to you expresses his hurt and or disgust at your choices to do so. How can and why should he trust you now? We often get blindsided by others and that shows how weak we are, yet when another does it we feel betrayed. Your selfish qualities should be addressed and if you have a genuine desire to love this man and can do right by him and really feel that this is best for you both, then step to him, put all the cards on the table, address your wrongs and your feelings as honestly as possible. Communication is the only thing that can be the lifeline to your relationship. Good luck and please keep me posted.
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This day comes once a year, we text it, phone call it and often go to dinner to honor it, then Monday comes.. The lames come out from hiding and neglect their fatherly duties, the abusers are angry again and we forget the power of motherhood. To the lames, women once again become nothing more than objects of sexual pleasure. To real men as myself, your breath is honored, even if I don’t know you, my smile honors your hard day of work as you push that carriage, as you have a seat from an exhausting park run, as you step out front for air, I smile to honor your every breath. I breath as a great Dad who would not be so great without my Mom as much as my Dad.
I look back at pictures, at my mothers smile, looking at her amazing beauty. My mom walks with the grace of a Jamaican Queen. I remember the times of perfection, I give that and more to my son because of her.
This year lets not stop with Sunday, lets not hurt, lets not empower the deadbeats, lets not empower the abusers, lets not let the lames take advantage of our Queens. We talk a good one until Monday. Women hating on women, men using that to their advantage to sex weak women looking for love. The cycle continues and this is not what our Mother’s wanted, this is not what I want, this should NOT be what YOU want. Walk with me as we weaken the deadbeats, as we get rid of the abusers, as we love ourselves and love our mothers.
Her eyes have seen
Desperate acts surround her
She dashes for calm without lifting a foot
She gives that look
We know what’s next
We calm the flex for mom’s respect
Her love forever
The bad, the good she failed us never
Kissing her cheek forever
Loving women thru your education
Inspiring to touch nations
Walking to lead men to their destination
Because you taught me better
I have not seen
A sky so high
To defy her reach
Or events to strong
She couldn’t speak
A love so real
I couldn’t teach
I’m a better man
Dad made possible thru her tender hands
The catalyst for giving
Embedded every reason for living
Made me birth my man with thoughts of love
Your motherhood did this
When I was unspoken, denied words
You remained by my side
A mother’s love not unheard
When backs was turned
Your hand touched mine
Reminded me of a time
When I was no older then 9
I needed your hand
To be your little man
To be loved
Distance couldn’t take the place
You gave with grace
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The wind blows
As the breeze gives serenity
So does your smile
Just the same as a spring day
Ice cream cones are pale
To the cheek touches from your finger tips
Mommy’s little boy
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